Chapter Twenty Eight

He thought about it until very late, almost midnight. Burnstar made his decision quite early into the night, it was the other half of the night he spent thinking about how he was going to live with his decision.

He had a dreamless sleep, surprisingly peaceful considering the burden that was resting on his shoulders. When morning came, he rose to find Stormtail organizing the dawn patrol. Flowerpelt was there. Burnstar swiftly decided that now would be a good time to tell her his decision.

Rather nervously, Burnstar told his deputy that he would be interested in going on the ThunderClan border patrol. Maybe she sensed his nervousness. Either way, he ended up on a patrol with Flowerpelt and Sleetstorm. Right away he sensed that Sleetstorm resended his leader, making the dynamics of this patrol rather uncomfortable.

Maybe it was because Burnstar had chosen to give an apperentice to Rosefur again, without giving one to him. They ran in silence towards the lake. Burnstar missed the sensation of the forest. He wasn't confined to camp, but it seemed every time he left, he returned and someone was in panic about where he had been. Recently, he had stayed more and more in camp. Only going out to hunt every now and then.

"I'll renew the scent marker here, you to should head further up," Sleetstorm declared, much to Burnstar's relief. Sleetstorm conveniently disposed of himself so Burnstar had the opportunity to talk to Flowerpelt.

A little further up, Burnstar mustered the strength to start the conversation. "So I was thinking last night, about the future, and about well, whether you'd be in it. And I came to the conclusion that," Burnstar took a deep breath and made a quick glance at Flowerpelt's expression. As usual, her expression and body language gave nothing away. "That I would like for you to be in my future."

She nods slowly and replies, "Why me? Why not take the one who really means something to you?"

"I am choosing the one who means something to me!" Burnstar protested. They had already had this argument, and he had already explained this dilemma that she would face if he chose her. "You have to trust me to know that I am choosing you because I love you, and not her!"

"Sleetstorm should catch up with us any moment now," she mused. "But fine, I trust you."

That was a relief. Sleetstorm arrived right on time and saved Burnstar from having to continue the conversation. If she could trust him, then everything would be fine, he reassured himself. If not, well, he'd rather not think about it. The border patrol was uneventful. They hadn't heard or scented any ThunderClan warriors. But still, it was reassuring to know that the borders were safe. Maybe Burnstar was just paranoid.

Upon returning to camp, Burnstar immediately went to check on Brackenclaw. Swampfur was there to greet him. He had been expecting him.

"How is he doing?" Burnstar asked slowly, not sure if he really wanted to know. Sometimes things were better left unsaid.

"His infection is worse," Swampfur said. The defeat in his voice alarmed Burnstar just as it had before. "Worse enough that all I can really do is ease the pain."

Burnstar nodded and turned to get away from Swampfur's den and just breathe and think a little, but the medicine cat stopped him.

"StarClan wants to commend you for your choice," Swampfur murmured. The news agitated Burnstar but nothing could be done about StarClan. Slaying the messenger was no justification of his frustration. They give him two choices, both of which are terrible options that hurts somebody, and force him into making a decision and then congratulate him as if it was his own will all along.

He hadn't wanted to make a decision. He hadn't wanted to have kits. Not now, maybe not ever. But for this forsaken prophecy, he had to. StarClan perhaps the entire scene planned out and he was just a pawn. Burnstar resented being used in this way, but no matter. His mother didn't give him up for nothing. Crowstar's growing ambition could prove very soon to be a problem. The ThunderClan leader had never been so arrogant about his power and relation to ShadowClan.

"You look troubled," Swampfur remarked.

"I've got a lot to think about," Burnstar replied sourly. As if Swampfur didn't know, surely he must.

"Perhaps a visit to the Moonpool?" Swampfur suggested. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Directly talk to the ancestors that were making his life so miserable. A warrior's life was supposed to be the greatest thing ever. The freedom do what what he wanted and when he wanted. Now, he just felt like the plaything of StarClan.

"StarClan cannot help me now," Burnstar snapped as he stalked away. Sulking, he went to look for Stormtail. She was always level-headed and seemed to give some good advice.

Stormtail was out eating a shrew right outside of the warrior's den. He missed sleeping among his clanmates. Leadership came with solitude. He'd never really noticed the lonliness until now. He settled down next to the grey she-cat. She looked up to him, questioning his presence.

"Something the matter, Burnstar?" she asked, quite innocently.

"I'm just tired," he admitted.

"You haven't lost a life recently, have you?" she asked, her eyes betrayed her concern. At least he still had cats loyal to him, and worried about his safety. "The extra patrols haven't been to much have they?"

"No, they're fine. I'm just glad ThunderClan hasn't been more aggressive," he replied. "I don't know about you, but Crowstar was aggressive when he was last here. I really thought he'd be within our borders hunting. But we haven't found any, so I guess not."

"Might just have been an empty threat," she agreed. "But either way, I think we should keep up the extra patrols. Lets me sleep calmly at night."

"No, I agree. I loose enough sleep already," Burnstar replied dryly. Stormtail looked as though she thought he was going to continue, but he didn't. She dipped her head and excused herself to take an early rest.

Silence descended suddenly, like a cat leaping to catch a mouse. All of the sudden it was deserted. Burnstar let out a sigh and retreated to his den for another sleepless night of thinking.