Author's Note: Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.
I'm glad everyone just laughed at Edward's one-track mind in the last chapter and didn't get too upset with him. He wouldn't have been so persistent if he'd thought her reason for saying no was valid.
My favorite review: "Just when I thought he finally stopped thinking with his cock...lol."
Saturday, May 4, 2013
"Those look good."
"Hands off!" I bat Bella's hands away from the plate of hors d'oeuvres I'm fixing for her baby shower. I swear, she's got a larger appetite than I do these days.
"Meow!" I look over to where Leo is already on one of the kitchen chairs, about to climb onto the table.
"Down, Leo!" I yell. He looks over at me, yawns and puts his paws back up on the edge of the table.
"No, sweetie," Bella says, picking him up and cradling him in her arms like a goddamn baby. "That's human food, not cat food."
"Can't you put him outside?"
"He's an indoor cat," she protests.
"Maybe lock him up?" I suggest.
"He needs access to his food and water bowls, not to mention his litter box in the hall bathroom." I wrinkle my nose as she smooches all over his furry face, until he begins to squirm. Bella puts him down and he goes running out of the kitchen.
"Well, that's one way to keep my food safe," I chuckle. "Smother him with love."
The doorbell rings and Bella waddles out of the kitchen to answer it, seeing as I'm too busy cooking. It's probably just Alice arriving early to set things up, because the shower isn't supposed to start for a half hour yet.
"Something smells really good." I turn as Bella's dad steps into the kitchen, followed by his friends Harry and Sue. "Sorry if we're a little early. We timed the ferry just right today."
"Good to see you again, Chief Swan," I reply quietly. I've been afraid he'll shoot me since Bella said he overheard some of what went on in her childhood bedroom last month. She was horrified when she found out; I'd think it was pretty damn funny if I wasn't so afraid of him.
"What all are you making, Edward?" Harry asks, peering at the trays already finished on the table.
"There's a goat cheese crab dip, tropical avocado salsa and Greek salad dip in the fridge," I reply. "I'm working on a supreme pizza dip. The baguettes and chips are on the table, along with the stuffed mushrooms."
"Wow, that all sounds fantastic," Sue gushes. "Did you learn that at school?"
"Not yet," I reply shyly. "I'm only taking introductory courses right now. Have a seat at the table if you want — it might keep the damn nosy cat away." Chief Swan chuckles as he sits down.
The doorbell rings and Bella disappears again. I hear Alice's signature squeal the moment she's inside the house.
"Anything I can do to help?" Jasper asks, stepping into the now-crowded kitchen. "Alice is busy setting everything up."
I look over at the clock on the stove before answering. "I guess you can get the crab dip out of the fridge and put it in the oven. Set the timer for 20 minutes."
"Will do," he nods.
"So what does Alice have planned for today?" I ask curiously. I'm a little afraid of Alice.
"Are you kidding? I'm not dumb enough to spoil the surprises," he chuckles. I guess he's afraid of her, too.
The doorbell rings several more times as I finish preparing the pizza dip. Mom and Dad come find me in the kitchen for a quick hug before heading into the living room to join the other guests.
Sue offers to take everything on the kitchen table into the living room for me and lay it all out on the coffee table. Alice had said she was bringing disposable plates, cups and utensils. When the hot food is ready, I carry it in to the party, where everyone is oohing and ahing at the stack of pink and purple wrapped gifts. Jesus Christ, the pile looks like something the Easter bunny threw up.
"Edward, let me introduce you to everyone you don't know," Bella begins. "This is Bob Banner and Alistair London, the other two vets at the hospital. You've met our receptionist, Emily Wolf, right?" I nod. "Over here are Maggie Keane and Siobhan Byrne, our two vet assistants."
"Nice to meet you, Edward," Siobhan, a middle-aged redhead says. "The food all looks great."
"Dig in, everyone. I'll be back with some lemonade." Alice helps me pour the drinks into plastic cups when I return. I take my place next to Bella on the loveseat and fix myself a plate. Most of what I made today was from new recipes I found online, though I did steal the stuffed mushrooms recipe from the restaurant. I'm pleased with how everything has turned out.
"Ok, everybody," Alice calls when we are all nearly finished eating. "Hold your plates up and check the underside. If you have a smiley face sticker, you've won a door prize!"
"Oh, I won!" Maggie yells. Alice smiles and hands her a small box from a bag at her feet.
"Ok, before we get to the gifts, we have a few things to cover. First, everyone except Bella and Edward should have found a small bag on your seat when you came in. Open those now."
Inside, everyone seems to have a tiny white onesie… I'm so proud of myself for learning the correct word finally.
"Your task is to use the markers I've included in each bag to decorate an outfit for the unborn guest of honor by the end of the shower. I also have glue and glitter here if anyone wants to get really fancy," she says, patting a bag at her feet. "Edward will judge the winner."
"Me?" I ask in shock. "Why me?"
"Because Bella would be too nice and not want to offend anyone by picking a winner."
"And I'm not nice?" I'm not sure if I should be offended or not.
"I don't think you worry so much about what people think," she chuckles. I shrug; ok, she's right about that. "When everyone is done eating, we'll play the first game. If you've already finished, you can make a start on your onesies while you're waiting."
"Did you make dessert, Edward?" Chief Swan asks, patting his belly as he leans back in the recliner. I'm really glad he likes my cooking.
"I did. There are brownies for later." They're from a box mix, but they're pretty damn good. Bella gave me shit about it, but it'd be pretty damn hard for me to top them — at least until I finish my pastry class later this year.
When all of the guests seem to be through, I take the leftovers back into the kitchen and refrigerate the dips. I place the leftover chips and toasted baguettes in plastic bags to keep them from getting stale — and so the nosy cat can't get them — then return to the living room.
"Ok, stand up, Bella," Alice directs as I re-take my seat.
I try really, really hard to control my chuckles as Bella has to lean heavily on my shoulder to lift herself up off the soft cushions. I made that mistake once and she wouldn't let me touch her for three whole days! Every day counts as we near the countdown to my six weeks with no nookie. I have no idea how I'm going to survive that.
Alice pulls two spools of ribbon and two pairs of scissors from her bag of tricks, passing them to the guests on either side of her. "The object here," she explains, "Is to cut a length of ribbon that will fit around Bella's stomach." I bark out a laugh and Bella turns to glare at me. "Just so we're all clear, it should fit around her at the belly button level, ok?"
I watch amused as the guests giggle while they try to figure out the correct length of ribbon. Just by eye, some of them look way off.
"Could you pass that over, Edward?" Alice asks as Bob Banner hands the items to me.
"Don't I get to play?" I whine.
"Do you really want to?" she giggles. "If you cut it too big, I think you'll be in big trouble."
"I won't," I assure her.
"Ok, you can play — but you can't win a prize, how's that?"
"Deal," I nod. I know exactly how big around Bella's stomach is, given that I put my arms around her on a regular basis. I cut off a length of ribbon then pass it to Alice, who makes her own guess.
"All done?" she asks. "Ok, Bella, let's see how much you need." Alice stands up, helping to wrap the ribbon around her belly, then cuts it to the correct length and holds it up. "All right, everyone, let's compare!"
One by one, the guests stand up to compare their ribbons to the correct size. I have to laugh at how small the one Jasper cut is — and how big Alistair's is. Emily's is the closest until I stand up with mine.
"Wow, Edward!" Alice exclaims. "Yours is only off by an inch or so."
I puff my chest out proudly. "Told ya," I brag. I'm sure I could also blow up a balloon to the size of Bella's tits.
"Emily wins the prize though," Alice points out.
"That's ok," I smile. "I already have my prize." I kiss Bella's blushing cheek just in case someone doesn't get what I mean.
"You are so cheesy," Bella giggles as I help her sit down beside me.
"Ok, one more game and then gifts," Alice announces. She picks up a basket from underneath the coffee table and sets it on top. "Each of the guests contributed a couple of baby items for the basket and gave me their receipt. I've added up the total amount of the items, and the one who guesses the closest wins a prize. Here's a hint — each item is under ten dollars. Yes, Edward, you can play, too," she adds. "Write down your answer on one of the Post-It notes in front of you."
I peer into the basket, noting a tube of diaper cream, a baby thermometer, a couple of pacifiers, nail clippers and a bunch of other stuff. I have no clue how much any of that costs.
"Everybody, ready? The correct answer is 143 dollars and 69 cents. Who thinks they're close?" Alice asks.
Boy, I suck at this one… I guessed $50. My dad ends up winning with a guess of $150. "You cheated, Dad," I tease him. "You just guessed a round number." Of course, I did too… it was just the wrong one.
"Time for the gifts," Alice claps her hands after passing my dad a gift box. "Edward, do you want to help me?"
"Sure." I stand up and follow Alice to the stash of pastel-colored gifts. Some of them are quite large, but I pick up a handful of smaller ones and sit them on what's left of Bella's lap before dragging the big ones over to her feet.
"Do I get to unwrap too?" I ask the mistress of ceremonies.
"Nope, you get to stuff the paper in a trash bag." Sticking my tongue out at the midget, I take the offered bag and go sit down. I like opening gifts.
Most of the guests work on their onesies while Bella opens the gifts slowly, trying not to just tear into the paper. They all stop to ooh and ah whenever she holds something up. Ok, this part isn't as much fun as I thought it would be, since most of the items are things I remember from our registry. We get lots of very pink outfits for our daughter as well. I'm gonna fucking hate pink by the time this kid is old enough to pick out her own clothes.
I notice Jasper seems to be writing something rather than decorating his onesie, and I'm curious as to what he's doing. Alice sees me watching him and holds a finger to her lips, so I keep my mouth shut and don't ask.
"Look, Edward, it's so tiny!" Bella cries, holding up the smallest shoe I've ever seen.
"Her feet will really be that small?" It's barely the size of one of my fingers!
It turns out the two largest boxes are the stroller and car seat from our registry, purchased by my parents, and I stand up to hug and thank them for the generous gifts.
"There's more," Mom says. "We bought a crib for one of the spare bedrooms at our house so we can babysit."
"Oh, Esme," Bella says, choking up.
"We'll be happy to do it," she insists.
The next two large boxes are from Bella's dad, a high chair and some kind of swing that Alice swears will be a godsend when our daughter won't go to sleep. I thought babies slept all the time?
"I hope this comes with instructions," Bella notes when she sees the size of the box the high chair is packed into.
Sue crocheted a large, soft blanket for our daughter… and it's purple — sorry, lavender — not pink.
We also get several huge boxes of diapers. "Wow, these oughta last a couple years," I remark when I see that some of the boxes have close to 200 diapers in them.
Alice starts laughing hysterically. "Oh, Edward," she giggles, "You are in for such a treat."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, babies can go through ten diapers a day easily."
"Seriously? I don't need to pee that much," I grumble. Who wants to change ten stinky diapers every day?!
Once all of the paper is in the trash, Alice starts giggling as Jasper hands her the pad of paper he's been writing on for the last half hour. "Oh, these are great," she snickers.
"It's a little known fact," she continues, "That the things a pregnant woman says as she's opening baby gifts are the exact same things she said the night her baby was conceived."
"Alice!" Bella cries, blushing bright red.
"Oh no, I'm not making any of these up; these are your exact words, Bella."
"Isn't this the cutest?" Alice reads. "This will really come in handy." Ok, I snicker at that one.
"So pretty!"
"I hope this comes with instructions."
"Wow, this is soft!"
"And my favorite… it's so tiny!"
Everyone guffaws, and Bella has to hold me back from grabbing the pad of paper to hit Alice over the head with it.
"Nothing tiny here," I grumble. "Or soft."
While they all keep laughing at me, I get up to grab the plate of brownies, which luckily I'd covered with plastic wrap earlier. "Off the counter, Leo!" He looks up at me guiltily but doesn't jump down until I get within a foot of him. "Why can't you go take a nap or something? You usually sleep all day."
"More games," Alice announces as I set down the plate of brownies. She pulls out a dozen jars of baby food with the labels removed, setting them in the middle of the coffee table. "I wrote a number on each lid. Your job is to guess what flavor is in each jar. The one with the most correct answers wins a prize."
I peer at the jars, which look absolutely disgusting. Two of them are greenish, so I'm sure one of those must be peas, but I have no idea which one. All of the others look like some varying shade of orange or beige. Disgusting. Thank God we don't have to taste them.
I end up identifying only two — carrots and apples. I got the peas mixed up with the green beans. Siobhan is the winner with seven correct, only because she has a six-month-old grandson. It's not really a fair fight though when Alice chose flavors like peach cobbler and banana orange medley. Who was going to guess those?
"I'll put the labels back on for you later, Bella," Alice says. "Ok, next game! If you're easily grossed out, you might want to skip this one."
My brow furrows as I wonder what the heck that could mean. It's a baby shower — what could be gross about it?
Alice reaches into a new bag and pulls out a handful of disposable diapers. As she sets one on the coffee table she says, "I promise this is not from Josh." She unfolds the diaper and it's smeared with something that most definitely looks like baby poop.
A chorus of ewwws goes up as she sets out ten diapers in total before lining up ten wrappers from various candy bars along the edge of the table. "Each diaper is smeared with one melted candy bar and is numbered in the corner. Your task is to match them up to the correct wrapper. Yes, you can smell them if you want."
More giggling ensues as the guests pick up the diapers to sniff at the contents. I guess the Snickers bar right away, but this is tougher than it looks. When we all think we're done, Alice collects our answers to score them out.
"And the winner is… Chief Swan!" she yells.
"Dad!" Bella gasps.
Her father just shrugs sheepishly. "I eat a lot of candy in my office on slow days since the only place in town that made good doughnuts closed." Everyone laughs as Alice hands him his prize.
"Last one," Alice says. "I need to go in the kitchen for a minute to set this up. Hope you guys are all good sports."
"What is she doing?" I whisper to Bella, as I hear the kitchen faucet turn on.
"I have no idea. She wouldn't tell me anything, except to make sure I was ok with the ribbon thing."
"Do you think by 'guys' she meant everyone, or just the men?"
"I think the men," Bella replies.
"Should I be scared?"
"Probably," she nods.
Alice finally comes back carrying a small inflatable kiddie pool, now full of water, setting it down in the middle of the coffee table.
With a huge grin on her face, Alice reaches back into her bag of tricks, pulling out a number of nipples… yes, that's right, nipples. The things that go on top of baby bottles, as I learned in our last childbirth class. Otherwise, I'd probably have no fucking clue what they are.
Alice tosses the nipples into the pool of water, then turns to us, grinning. "I'm sure everyone has heard of bobbing for apples. Well, this is bobbing for nipples! I thought it would be fun if just the guys played. We'll set a 30-second time limit for each person and see how many you can get!
"Now who wants to go first?" she asks. "How about you, Charlie? You won the last game."
I giggle as Bella's dad slides onto his knees in front of the table, turning bright red. Now I know where his daughter gets it from.
"Ready, set… go!"
Ok, now this is funny. Everyone laughs hysterically as the rubber nipples all seem to float away just before he can get hold of them. He ends up with just three in the 30 seconds.
"Man, that's harder than it looks," he complains, water dripping off of his 70s porn stache. "It's be a lot easier if they were sticking up."
After the other five men each do only slightly better, it's my turn. I smirk as I kneel on the floor. I have a lot of experience with nipples, especially recently.
I assume the position, hands behind my back, and wait for Alice to say, "Go!" I easily grasp the first one in my teeth, depositing it in the bag Alice set next to the pool of water. The second one gets away from me for a moment, but I manage to grab it after sticking my face in the water. One by one, I pick up the nipples and drop them into the bag. I've got the last one — the twelfth — in my mouth when Alice calls time.
"Well done, Edward," she congratulates me. "You haven't been practicing, have you?" she asks, eyes narrowed.
I shrug. "Not with rubber nipples," I reply, waggling my eyebrows.
"Edward!" Bella yells. I turn around to face her and she gives me a very dirty look, motioning toward her dad. Oops.
"Here's your prize, Edward," Alice says, handing me a small fancy box. I quickly open it to find a set of charms that fit around the stem to mark your glass of wine in a crowd. I don't drink much wine, but it's cool enough. At least it's not something girly.
"Anyone want anything else to eat?" I ask. There are a few yeses, so I head back to the kitchen to re-heat the hot dips in the microwave, carrying the pool of water in with me to dump out.
When everything is ready, I carry the food back into the living room so the guests can snack while everyone finishes up their onesies.
As the finished products are laid out on the coffee table, I notice for the first time that they're not all the same size, which is nice. The Newborn ones are so small, it's hard to believe our baby girl will fit in one given the size of Bella's stomach. And she still has six weeks to go! How much larger could she get?
At Bella's doctor's appointment this past week, Dr. Senna said that everything was on track, everything was normal. She also said that Bella's blood pressure is still fine, and she doesn't have the condition that killed my mom, but I still worry about her. I wish she'd quit working, though she swears she's not on her feet all that much. I also wish I could be with her 24/7, but I know that's not possible. Between juggling my job and culinary school, most of the time I spend with Bella is spent asleep in bed.
We completed our childbirth classes last week, but I still don't feel ready to be a parent. I practiced changing a diaper on a doll, but somehow I don't think that's the same thing as a squirming baby. Both Mom and Bella assure me that we'll figure out this parenting thing, but I'm scared that I'll totally fuck up the kid if I'm a horrible father, the way my own upbringing fucked me up.
The baby must be awake and kicking, because I notice Bella wince as she rubs her stomach. Of course, then all of the women have to come feel it. I want to tell them "hands off" but I don't. That belly is mine. I'd have to break some fingers if any of the men — besides her Dad of course — try to touch her.
All of the onesies are really cute, though most people used way too much hot pink marker for me. Mom is the last to finish, and I almost get choked up when I see hers. I knew she could draw, since I've seen her draw up designs for rooms before, but wow… She's written "Daddy's Little Girl" in silver and purple glitter, with hearts and flowers all over the white material.
"It's not nepotism, I promise, but I choose Mom's," I declare, smiling when Alice hands her the last gift from the bag.
Bella's dad and his friends are the first to leave, given that they have a four-hour drive home. After they each hug Bella, I show them to the door so she doesn't have to get up.
"You take care of my little girl, Edward," Chief Swan says as we shake hands.
"Of course I will, Sir."
Once the other guests have left, I help Bella to her feet so she can say goodbye to Alice and Jasper.
"Thank you so much for everything, Alice," she says, sounding choked up as she hugs her friend.
"I was happy to do it. I know this little girl is going to be so loved," Alice smiles, then turns to me. "Did you have fun, Edward?"
"Sure," I shrug. "I won the ribbon thing and bobbing for nipples!"
"I can't believe you said that in front of my Dad," Bella cries, elbowing me in the ribs.
"Oh please, he lived with a pregnant woman, I'm sure he—"
"Do not finish that sentence," Bella interrupts with a shudder.
"On that note," Jasper laughs, "We'd better get home and relieve the babysitter."
"Thanks again, Jasper," Bella says, giving him a quick hug. I try hard to not get jealous. I shake Jasper's hand then open the door.
"Do you need anything?" I ask Bella once her — our — friends are gone. "I need to get to the restaurant. My boss told me to try to come in before the dinner rush if I could."
"No," she shakes her head. "I'm pretty beat, so I think I'll just take a nap."
"Ok." I help Bella to the bedroom, where Leo is curled up in a ball in the middle of our bed. I pull the blanket over her once she's stretched out on the bed, then pick up the cat so Bella can hug him.
"Take care of her, Leo," I tell him as I place him in her arms.
I kneel down in front of Bella, kissing her gently. "Should I stay home?" I know she's not due for another six weeks, but she's just getting so… big. I'm afraid she could pop any day now, and I need to be here for that.
"No, no, you go to work. I'll be fine." I stare at her, finally deciding that she'll be all right alone for a few hours.
"Text me if you want me to bring you dinner. I love you, baby." I kiss her again before standing up.
"I love you too."
A/N: When I posted Chapter 29 of "Reason For Living," I made a comment that the story had just crossed 100,000 views. We're a little behind on this one at 86,000. I'm a numbers geek, sorry. I know we're way behind in reviews, but I'm too lazy to figure out exactly how many — around 500 I think.
Reminder: "Reason For Living" was rec'd on Ms. Swan's Bookstore last month and is up for Favorite Fanfic of January. I'm currently in second place! Please vote if you can, link on the top of my profile!
