Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views.
AN: Thanks for the suggestions.
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What is your name and age?
Irma Pince. And to find my year of birth, take the year that the producer of Chocolate Cauldrons came out with the butterscotch flavor, divide the first two digits by the last two, add 63, multiply that by three hundred, find the square root, and then add on nineteen to the end. It's quite simple, really.
Describe yourself.
Uh… I'm tall, and have beige-ish skin, brown eyes, brown hair. I'm wearing a set of navy blue robes, with a skirt and a shirt that says 'Chocolate Lover for Life' underneath. That's all.
Where are you?
Hiding in my office, so the books don't see that I'm eating my comfort food (chocolate). THE BOOKS WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME!
What are your likes?
Books. And chocolate. And sometimes Filch, depending on if I'm PMSing, or not (yes, by some messed reason, I have not gone through menopause yet).
What are your dislikes?
The fact that my two loves (books and chocolate) are in an all-out war. It's a total Romeo and Juliet all over again!
What are you thinking about right now?
How good chocolate is. So creamy…. Mmmm….
What's your favorite saying?
'Books and chocolate always go together'. Remus Lupin once told me that, during our annual meetings of the Society of the Deliciousness of Chocolate and Wonderfulness of Books. The SOTDOCAWOB. I always wonder why Remus and I were the only members…
Who is most frequently in your dreams?
Well, Filch. I don't really get why, but every time I'm near him, I get all light-headed, and my heart starts pounding like crazy. Why would that be? Well, I dream about him a lot. Usually, he's dressed in books, and feeding me chocolate. Does that make sense?
How bipolar do you think you are?
Very. I love two very different things. Chocolate and books aren't supposed to go together. The chocolate gets books all chocolaty. But, I love them both. It's a shame. Every year I go to the librarians' convention, I'd be shunned if it got across that I love chocolate.
Would you rather eat chocolate or not read books?
Well, eat chocolate, of course. Are you trying to hint that I should do what I love anyway? I do suppose that chocolate bars and books are inanimate objects…. But what if they disapprove of that decision?
What if inanimate objects could talk?
Then I would be the subject of a lot of verbal abuse by now.
What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Brush my teeth thoroughly, so the books can't see the residue from the several chocolate bars I had the night before.
What is your wish for humanity?
That books and chocolate could learn to live together!
Have you ever been stalked?
No. But I have once or twice had the urge to stalk a certain caretaker. Needless to say, I didn't actually stalk him. Except for that one time…
Vanilla or stories?
Neither. Just because I can't choose between books and chocolate doesn't mean I can't choose between those. Vanilla and stories are just wannabe chocolate and books. But, I'd rather choose stories.
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An: I know it's horrible. But, I'm having an idea shortage.
