I own nothing but my OC'S
Chapter twenty nine-
-Xeomara's POV-
"Sirius, I'm not really sure about this." I say as we walk to the kitchens for dinner.
"What do you mean you're not sure? I promised James, and so did you that you would start trying to eat again. So that's what we're going to do." I scowl at him, thinking about after we got chased by the love birds, how Sirius made me tell James. We brought him to the dorms during lunch and showed him, he was furious to say the least. He yelled for a good portion of the conversation. He was angry that I never told anyone, not angry at me, just what I did. I sat quietly during the whole exchange, Sirius also got in on the lecturing. It was quite boring. Even though I apologized repeatedly I wasn't let off the hook. Both of them were going to take turns monitoring my eating.
"Master Sirius! Mistress Raes!" Squeaked Minnie as we entered the kitchen. "It's been such a while since Minnie has seen Mistress!"
"Apologies Minnie." I reply with a smile.
"Can I have two plates of what they had for dinner Minnie?" Sirius asked with a charming smile at the house elf.
"Anything Sir!" she replied happily. We walked over to the tables and sat down. After the plates were set in front of us we sat quietly. Me picking at my food, while Sirius devoured his.
"Tell me." He begins.
"Tell you what?"
"What it was like, you know Voldemort." My hand comes up and touches the healed burns on my shoulder. "Were you scared?"
"Not in the least." I reply, he looks astounded. "Sirius, I was angry. I was running on pure adrenaline. I do wish I could have seen if my curse hit the mark. I was so mad afterwards that I'm ashamed to say I yelled at Dumbledore. I haven't talked to him since." He reached forward and grabbed my hand.
"I'm sure he'll forgive you. That week," he starts, "The week were you didn't leave your room, what were you doing?" I swallow the food in my mouth thickly.
"Nothing." I tell him, "The first four days I was basically unconscious, not because of my burns or anything I think I was just in shock. I'm not sure I couldn't process anything. I never knew if I was awake or sleeping. Then when I woke up, all I did was cry. I didn't know what else I was supposed to do. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't want to see anyone I just couldn't face it. I was scared and upset." I look down at our hands. "Then when McGonagall came up to get me, well that was the first time I got mad, I was so mad that I yelled at her and then got dressed in front of her."
"You changed? In front of McGonagall?" I smiled slightly.
"She told me to get dressed and go to school. So I did what she asked."
"But afterwards you were so empty. I thought we lost you." Tears welled up in my eyes but I blinked them away, I've done enough crying.
"I was trying Sirius, I was trying so hard to forget and act normal."
"It hurt to watch." I look up at him, with a confused look on my face. "It hurt to watch you try. I've never seen anyone try so hard. It nearly killed James, he looked like he was in physical pain every time someone mentioned your name." I cringed when he told me that, of course I knew James was hurting. I cheated a few times and searched through his thoughts. I know it was wrong of me but I suspect he cheated too.
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize." He says, and I open my mouth to say something as the nausea hits me.
"Oh no." I manage to mutter, Sirius thrusts a bucket under me, where I promptly throw up everything I just ate. I groan as I sit back, Sirius vanishes the bucket and smiles at me.
"It will get better." I snort.
"It better, because if I have to get sick for the rest of my lifeā¦"
xx
I sat up staring at the moon, wondering when this night was going to end. I hated not being out there. It made me feel like fifth year after the boys managed to transform and I still hadn't. I wanted nothing more to be out there, helping Remus and going on another adventure. The full moons where never really bad. We all had fun, sure there were so bad times. But we laughed at them later on. Remus howls loudly, and I hear another loud sound that sounded like a bark. The sounds kept coming and I was getting really nervous. Something was wrong. I could feel it.
I ran out to the grounds, not getting caught once, and forgetting that I couldn't transform, ran through the tunnel that led to the shrieking shack hoping to get to Remus. When I open the door I take in the mess in front of me. Prongs was laying on the floor, passed out blood coming from the side of his head, Sirius was barely hanging on in the fight against Remus, and Wormtail was cornered on the floor blood coming out of his back. I watch as Moony sniffs the air, smelling me. He throws Padfoot to the ground with little effort and charges at me. Change, I tell myself change!
Without thinking I threw myself into the air changing in the process and met Remus claw to claw, jaw to jaw. We were snipping and biting at each other. I heard Padfoot whimpering on the floor, and the sound of hooves moving told me that James was waking up. I push harder against Remus' chest, hoping that he'd give up. No such luck I thought as he throws me to the ground. I get back up and run at him again. I knock into him pushing him back against the wall, my paws at his throat. I give him a warning growl to back off. He then whimpers in response and slumps down against the wall. I don't let up though. For the rest of the night I stand over him, and every time he so much as moved or growled I was on him, fighting again.
I stayed transformed, until the sun came up, and Moony slowly and painfully turned into Remus. I quickly change back and walk over to James, Sirius, and Peter. Peter was still unconscious but James and Sirius were laying there with their eyes wide open. I kneel between them.
"How?" James asks thickly.
"We'll talk about that later, come on. I need to get you three to the hospital wing. But I can't do this alone I'm calling Lily."
"What don't! I don't want her to see me like this!" James protests.
"You love, her mate. Just let her come." Sirius says speaking up. James mumbles something that sounded like fine. I conjure a patronus with my wand and send it to Lily with word to help me out at the shack. We sat in silence until Lily burst through the door. Dear merlin, the poor girl must have sprinted.
"James!" She drops by his side and takes his head in her hands. Tears run weakly down her face as she kisses his lips. "I love you."
"I love you too." He replies.
"Is this really the time?!" I ask, as I help Sirius into a sitting position. Lily turns to look at me and Sirius.
"Sorry. Oh you two look horrible. I'll support James, and levitate peter, while you'll do Sirius and Remus." I nod. Once I get Sirius standing up, I carry his weight and turn my wand on Remus, with a flick his is floating next to me and I make my way out of the shack.
"Lily." I say, as we are nearing the common room. "You need to take the boys up to bed, I can't bring them in there like this. Madam would go ballistic. I can heal most of their cuts and gashes."
"Okay. Come here Sirius." She says holding out her other arm. He looks at it hesitantly.
"I don't think you should go either. Look at the state of you!" I look down at my torn robes and bite marks along my shoulders and neck.
'I'll be fine, go!" Reluctantly he lets go and goes into Lily's arms. I walk as quickly as I can to the hospital wing.
"Madam Pomfrey!" I yell as I enter. She comes in and takes one look at Remus.
"Get him over to that bed now! It must have been one of the bad nights." I nod absently. I take my place at his side, while she begins to heal various bite marks, from both himself and me, and the large bumps and bruises on his head. When I'm just about to leave he stirs slightly.
"Zee? How did you-?"
"We'll talk later, get some sleep okay?" I say leaving a kiss on his cheek.
I walk into the boys' dorm. Lily is pacing and the boys are laying on their beds.
"I was wondering what took you so long! They're going to bleed to death."
"They are not going to bleed to death. I was making sure Remus was okay, they understand."
"Yep." They reply together.
"Oh good, you've woken up Peter!" I turn to Lily. "Go to Peter, and starting wrapping up his back, and put this lotion on it." I say walking to the cabinets where we kept such things for nights like these. She does as she's told as I walk to Sirius.
"What were you thinking?!" James asks angrily. I stop mid step and turn to him.
"What are you talking about?"
"You knew that you couldn't transform when you came down there. You were just hoping to distract him while we got away weren't you? You just got lucky that you transformed!" Lily spun around sharply, and Sirius sat up in his bed.
"You did what now?" Lily asks, her green eyes blazing.
"Well excuse me for being concerned. I hated not being out there, and I heard all these howls and barks, and I knew that it wasn't a good night. I knew something was wrong so I brought my wand hoping that I could help out."
"You couldn't- you could have- I can't believe you! Do you have a death wish?" Sirius yells.
"Of course not!" I say sharply turning on him. "I was making sure you all were okay. Sue me because I'd rather be hurt than have my brothers get hurt!"
"Maurie. I was just nervous that's all. I was scared, I smelled you the second you entered. You're what woke me up. Just don't do that again." I soften as I turn to meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry." I think in my head. He sighs audibly then I hear his reply in my head, "I know."
"Lily?" I look to her and see she was still seething. "Lily is alright, it all turned out fine."
"Yeah this time! What about next time! I understand you're helping you friend. I do, but what happens if next time I have to pull out one of your dead bodies!" It was then that she breaks down and I run to hug my friend.
"Shh." I tell her, "It would never happen. Never."
"Lily." Lily's head lifts itself off my shoulder as she looks to James. "Come here, baby." He says soothingly. She walks out of my arms and into his. "I'm okay. We're okay." She clings to him while she cries, not caring about the blood she's getting on herself.
I turn my back on them, it was too painful to watch, I walk first to Peter. He was sleepy soundly all ready, with his back taped tightly. I pull the covers up around him and kiss his cheek. Then slowly make my way to Sirius. When I reach him he is glaring at me. I almost shrink back from his glare, but instead I meet it dead on. Without saying a word, I start, trying to stop the bleeding on various claw and bite marks. When I finish I rub the lotion on them and wrap them tightly. I begin to walk away when he grips my wrist, and pulls me back.
"Don't." He says. "Don't scare me like that again. When you threw yourself at him. I thought I was going to lose you." I breathed heavily.
"I won't I promise." I tell him. He lets out a breath and his eyes soften, he reaches up and pulls me down next to him.
"You should really get yourself healed too." I close my eyes and inhale the scent I've come to miss so much.
"Not right now, now all I want to do is sleep." I snuggle closer and he wraps his arms tightly around my waist. Then he whispers something in my hair that sounds strangely like,
"Thank you."
xx
"Sirius? Zee?" I hear someone vaguely calling my name, I try opening my eyes but they feel so heavy. "Come on." The voice coaxes "Wake up." I try opening my eyes again but fail.
"James, why don't we let them sleep." Says another voice. A smart voice. Yes. Let me sleep. "Actually James, it think you should stay in bed yourself. You all had a very rough night. I'll go to class to get your work."
"You're an angel my love." I almost want to laugh at the voice but I'm just too tired. I turn my head onto something soft, inhaling the scent and sigh at how good it smells. I bury myself deeper and without a second thought fall right back asleep.
"Alright! That's it!" I hear a voice scream. I blink open an eye and see Lily standing in the middle of the dorm. "I've come up here various times during the day to wake you all up and not one of you moved! So get up! And go eat some damn dinner!"
"I'm sleeping." I hear someone grunt beside me. I turn and see Sirius, with one squinting at Lily. She ignores him and continues to banter on for another five minutes. It was getting quite annoying.
"FINE!" I exclaim getting up. "Fine! Are you happy now?" I stand up and stiffen as a pain shoots up my back, I fall back onto the bed with a plop.
"Oh! Zee are you okay?" The boys immediately jump to a sitting position. Sure as hell woke them up.
"Maurie! Are you okay?" I grin and roll my eyes.
"Don't have a heart attack James, my back was just a little sore." He looks calmer but more awake. He starts sitting up slowly, and I know he's going to go take a shower like he normally does. I watch as Sirius slowly starts getting up too. They always fight over the shower. At the same time they stand up and run at full speed to the door, but stop when the door is slammed in their faces.
"What?" Sirius asks confused.
"I'm guessing none of you saw Peter walking towards the bathroom?" Lily asks amused.
"No." They both say shaking their heads.
"Well come on, let's get you cleaned up." Lily says offering me a hand. When I stand I cringe at the pain on my back. "Let me just see.." She says starting to lift my shirt. I freeze, if Lily sees how skinny I am.
"NO!" I yell and she jumps back in surprise. "I mean, no Lily that isn't necessary I'll take a look at it later. I'm sure it's just a bruise." She looks at me with an arced eye brow.
"Fine, but you better look at it." I give her a smile.
"Yes Mum." I say good bye to the boys and head over to my dorm with Lily to get showered and dressed.
"You were all very tired."
"It was a bad night." I tell her simply.
"What's going on with you and Sirius?" I ignore that comment and start to take my shower. Nothing, is the real answer. Nothing is going on with us. I'm not sure if it will ever be the same again. Too much has changed since we told each other how we felt. Maybe we were better off being friends. I know I still loved him. I just didn't know how he felt about me. I want to be with him, more than anyone. He is it for me. I've known it for a while now, but no one would could compare to him. So if we didn't get back together. Well I'd just be single for the rest of my life. Really, it was all up to him.
xx
"You alright?" I hear Lily ask me for the hundredth time at dinner, while I picked at my food. I obviously couldn't eat in front of them without throwing up.
"Fine." I say stiffly. Wishing to merlin that she would stop asking. Dinner was almost over and most of it was spent in silence. I guess we were all sort of thinking about our own things. I for one, missed Remus. It was always so different when he wasn't there. It didn't feel right when all of us weren't together. I was always too focused on the fact that we were missing someone then to pay attention. I know it made the other boys feel like that as well.
I get up with the rest of my friends with every intention of going to the warm common room when "Miss Xeomara." I hear a voice call out. I turn my direction to the Head Table and smile at Dumbledore.
"Good evening Headmaster." He smiles at my cheekiness.
"Could I have a word." I nod. "In my office."
"Of course sir."
"You know what would be lovely right now?" I shake my head. "A licorice wand."
"Yes." I say agreeing. "It would be lovely." When we walk outside the great hall I look to my friends.
"Alright, I'll meet you back in the common." They nod, and Sirius squeezes my hand.
I walked down the familiar corridor to Dumbledore's office. I could help but think of Regulus. He always was with me here, and I haven't been down this way since it happened. I remember all the conversations we've had here, all the laughs, the smiles. I shake my head forcing myself to think of different things but I knew this was what Dumbledore would want to talk about.
"Ah, Good to see you." Says Dumbledore walking in his office. I was sitting in my usual seat in front of his desk.
"You too sir." Without waiting for him to comment I blurt out, "I'm sorry." He smiles at me.
"You do not have to apologize Miss Raes. I understand what you went through. You were angry, but I needed to make you understand that there was nothing you could have done. Though I'm sure you'll be happy to know that your spell hit the mark."
I look at him in surprise. "Really?"
"Indeed, for what I saw you nearly blew his nose off his face." I grin wider. "That was some pretty amazing defensive spell work for someone your age." I frown a little.
"I had a lot of extra time on my hands sir." He nods grimly.
"I suspect you did." He looks down and when he looks back up at me, he looks the oldest I've ever seen him. "I was worried about you." He admits. "I've never seen anyone go through grief like you have. You wouldn't even talk to James which surprises me because you to are close." He looks up and his eyes tells me he knows more than I thought he did. "Very close, surely you know." I raise my eye brows. "Another time." I nod. "No one seemed to be getting through to you. And I felt guilty."
"Guilty?"
"Incredibly so. I was the one who forbade you to tell anyone, I didn't have to include you in this whole situation, but I did. And now I wish I wouldn't have."
"I don't" His blue eyes pierce mine. "I wouldn't change what I did for a second. I know now that I did something for him that we wanted to badly. And I'm glad I was the one to do it. Regulus turned out to be such a great friend. I'm glad of the time I spent with. I would never take it back. Not even for my relationship with Sirius. Not even for the world." He smiles sadly. "And besides, Voldemort's got a weird looking nose now. I can't wait until I meet him again."
"I'm glad you see it that way Xeomara." I smile at him. "I'm also very proud of you. You've over came everything that your parents had planned for you and took your own path. You will play an extremely big role in this war. I have reason to believe that you'll see it too the end as well." I cock an eye brow.
"You think I'll actually make it through the whole war? How could you know that?" He shrugs.
"Call it a hunch. But you most know, how important you are to this war. How many lives you could save. You have incredible power Xeomara. And I'm glad to know you're not using it to help them, but using it to help us. The side that you choose, the side that is the right side." I look at him, wondering if what he meant was true. "Remember that. Everything you've done so far in your life has been for the good. Not all of us have been that way. Some of us," he says and I have a strange feeling that he is talking about himself. "Had to take a wrong path, before they got back on the right one."
