Hey all, I finally have a new chapter for you all! It's been about a month without a new update and I'm sorry for that. School is taking up most of my time and if it's not that, then it's something else; but there is not need to worry. As I said in my most recent Author's Note, this story is not abandoned, as there is far too much drama coming your way! Anyway, this took a different turn than I originally had planned, so therefore, the next chapters need to be modified to fit the rest of the story. If you don't like this, please bear with me. So, with that being said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x

All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.


Not Like This

Chapter Twenty-nine: Les I'm Miserable

February 27th, 2015

The agent sat in an office, one that looked just like all the others. There was a rather luxurious looking black leather couch against the back wall, a desk on the other side with a matching chair to accompany it, one window with the blinds wide open so you could see the entire bullpen, and personal artifacts casing the surfaces. Green eyes scanned the surroundings for what felt like the millionth time, but more so out of impatience than anything else. With her arms tightly crossed over her chest and her boots rapidly tapping against the floor, Jamie was becoming more irritated by the second. Hotch had pulled her from a meeting in front of everyone and his face showed nothing but seriousness as he did. Of course, she tried to get an explanation out of him, but the man wouldn't budge. So, she sat there in the office where no agent wanted to be, not even Hotch.

Jamie snuck a peek at her silver watch, realizing that she had been sitting and waiting there for almost half an hour. She let out a loud sigh and rubbed at her temples, feeling a headache coming on. While taking several deep breaths, the little voice inside her head was telling her to stay and wait, because that was the right thing to do; but her body had a mind of its own. Within a minute, Jamie had gotten up from the cushioned chair and took a mere five steps towards the doorway, her hand out to open the door. Before she could even take the action to turn the doorknob, the door opened from the outside, causing her to come face to face with Hotch…and Chief Strauss.

"Take a seat, Carter." Hotch told her, letting Strauss walk in before him and closing the door after he was fully in the room.

No matter how stunned Jamie was in the moment, she didn't want to drop her "tough agent" bravado. "I think I'll stand." she retaliated, crossing her arms over her chest once again.

"Take a seat, Agent Carter." Erin Strauss' voice was edged with venom. Her eyes bored into Jamie's, challenging the woman to try anything other than what she was being told.

Even though she wanted to stand her ground, Jamie obeyed her two bosses. She sat in the chair for the second time within the hour. Her arms uncrossed, becoming more relaxed as she settled her hands into her lap. "Chief Strauss, I'm sure you know that I was pulled from the mandatory unit meeting, yes?"

Strauss stared at Jamie, seeming high and mighty in her fancy office chair. "I'm well, aware."

Slightly taken aback, Jamie let her eyebrows rise gradually, making her confusion of the situation more prominent. "So…I guess my question is why was I pulled away?"

"Your behavior as of late is concerning," Hotch spoke from the back of the room, "Is there something we need to know?"

"Nothing of importance." Jamie answered, brushing down the wrinkles in her black blazer. Her tone had some bite to it as she responded quickly. She didn't even bother to turn around and look at him when she spoke.

"Agent Carter," Strauss said, her hands placed together on top of her desk, "You need to understand that this behavior of yours is not going to be accepted."

"And what exactly have I done?" Jamie dared, eyes narrowing.

Chief Strauss picked up her glasses from the corner of her cluttered desk and placed them on her face. She took a moment to search for a file, letting the papers slide out into her hand when it tipped over. Shuffling through them, she stopped when she found the document she was looking for. "Now, let's have a look…"

Jamie sat up promptly, straightening out not only her posture, but a piece of her attitude as well. "Wait, if this is-"

"February 17th, you were in Ohio with your unit when you deliberately left your position in the field-"

"Hold on just a second," Jamie interrupted, scooting closer to the edge of her seat. She whipped her head back and forth between Hotch and Strauss. "Everything you're about to read from that report is completely justified."

"Is that so?" Strauss asked, then she began reading from the paper again. "You left your position in the field after Agent Hotchner had assigned you to a specific duty-"

"It's only because-"

"Agent Carter!" Hotch shouted. He was finished with her attitude and the constant interruption. He had no problem letting it be known, either. Agent Hotchner walked the few steps over to Chief Strauss' desk and stood in front of Jamie. "I've let your impulsive behavior and impoliteness slide long enough. I've been flexible, because I know that this job takes its toll on those who work it. But if you keep interjecting your two cents while Chief Strauss is speaking, we will have a bigger problem on our hands. Is that understood?"

"…yes, sir." The last thing Jamie wanted to do was be seen as the rogue agent or as someone who is difficult. The past couple of weeks had been chaos and she knew she had to do something about it. Yet, there was a part of her that enjoyed the thrill of going off on her own. In the moment, she knew she was failing at showing she wasn't intimidated by the superiors in front of her. Her shoulders dropped and she faced forward to look at Strauss. "I apologize, Ma'am." There was little truth behind it.

"As I was saying," Strauss began for the third time, "You left your position and drove three miles outside the town of Dayton, to the known address of Randy Combs. Is that correct?"

Jamie inhaled and exhaled quietly, nodding her head as she did. "Yes, that is correct."

"Agent Carter, I want you to tell me what happened in the time that you left the precinct and when the rest of your team came to your rescue."

Silence ensued and it was uncomfortable for everybody involved.

"Answer her, Agent Carter." Hotch ordered.

Jamie let her heavy eyes drag over to Hotch, seeing him tall and reserved. Her eyes didn't leave him as she said, "I left the precinct around three in the afternoon. I drove to Combs' confirmed address and engaged with him."

"Explain what you mean by 'engage'."

It took Jamie all she had to not let her eyes roll to the back of her head. "I found him outside by the shed, approached him and attempted to talk to him. When I got closer, he pulled a gun and he ran." She stopped telling the event, only going as far as she was asked to.

"Go on…" Strauss waited.

"He ran and I managed to catch up to him. He shot a few rounds…" Jamie paused, considering if she should add one vital piece of information. "...grazing my shoulder in the process. But by that time, Agents Morgan and Jareau had shown up, involving themselves with Combs as well."

"And how did that turn out for you?" questioned Strauss, even though she already knew the answer. She had read two other reports about the incident already, each one containing different perspectives. "The others that became involved?"

"Look, I only wanted to speak to the damn guy." Jamie replied, hand placed defensively on her chest. "Yes, somebody else was injured during the shootout, but I did what I was trained to do in a situation like that."

"You are not trained to go off alone without backup or limited knowledge about who you're going after." Hotch added.

"My knowledge wasn't that limited," Jamie defended, turning to Hotch. "We knew he was the unsub and I didn't understand why you still had the team working on geographical profiles!" Jamie was getting brash; her voice rang through the room and was probably heard by any agent outside the office.

"Agent Carter, do not raise your voice at us," Strauss ordered. "We're here because of your wrong doings. If you had followed direction, we would not be in this mess."

Jamie threw her hands into the air, obviously short-tempered. "Okay? I don't know what you want from me."

Chief Strauss shared a look with Hotch, a silent conversation going on between the two. Turning back to Jamie, Strauss took off her glasses and stood from her desk. "This matter has been discussed at length and we think it's best that you take some time off."

Jamie scoffed and accidentally let out a small laugh. She covered her mouth with her hand, amusement still playing in her eyes. Getting out of her chair, Jamie paced for a moment and ended up staring out the window of the office, "I-I'm sorry, did I just hear you correctly?" she wondered, turning to see the two higher-ups.

"This isn't optional, Carter," Hotch said. "As of right now, you're suspended for seven days and it will accumulate if you refuse to cooperate."

There was no longer any comicalness coming from her boss's words. Jamie felt frozen as her eyes took over, going back and forth between Strauss to Hotch, almost wordlessly begging him to reconsider. Yet, she knew she had gotten herself in deep this time around. Clearing her throat, Jamie began walking towards the closed office door, but stopped before she fully exited. "Well then, Chief Strauss, Agent Hotchner…thank you for this abrupt turn of events." She gave a smile with nothing but fake appreciativeness behind it. "I look forwards to returning."

Agent Carter opened the office door and she was hit with the view of the whole bullpen. Her head immediately turned to the cluster of her teammates. Jamie had seen them out the window while she was pacing. They quickly diverted their attention elsewhere when they saw her brooding face. Nobody could resist when one of their own was summoned into the Chief's office. Jamie proceeded to stroll down the catwalk, her steps heavy enough to rattle the floor. The anger inside her was bubbling and if for some reason she was pushed to the edge, she would explode, no doubt. She sped past her teammates, still huddled together like school girls in the courtyard. There was no acknowledging them as Jamie's legs took her to her desk. Opening the bottom drawer, Jamie yanked out her purse, not caring if everyone caught onto her demeanor. She collected her belongings and shoved them into her purse, not feeling bothered about the mess it was making inside. Her red jacket was hanging neatly on her chair until it was snatch up and thrown onto her forearm. With everything she needed in her hands, Jamie started walking towards the double glass doors of the bullpen. No words were spoken and no explanations were given. The only thing she left them with was the view of her leaving and taking her mandatory seven-day leave.


Jamie Carter needed a drink and she knew the perfect place to go. The Smokehouse had proven to be a reliable place where she could unwind and have a good time, despite how the place was made known to her. Entering the smoky building at eleven o'clock in the morning had never been done, but there is a first time for everything. Jamie strode up to the bar, claiming an empty stool as she sat down on it. Jamie waved down the bartender named Mick, who had shown interest in her more than once.

"Well, look what we have here. And it's not even dark yet." Mick teased.

Jamie couldn't help but let a small smile erupt on her face. "You know what they say…it's five o'clock somewhere." she said with a shoulder shrug.

"Alright, well what can I get for you?"

"Anything that's brown and burns when you drink it."

"So…you want a whiskey?"

Jamie nodded, "And make it a double."

Mick looked at Jamie with slight surprise, but got her the drink anyway. She thanked him and he went on to help the next customer.

Part of her couldn't believe that she had let everything slip from her hands. Then again, it wasn't like she didn't have control over her actions. She was grown and of course, she knew right from wrong. In the more recent days, she had been feeling sorry for herself. It was something she had been doing too often, but she knew the root of the problem. No, it wasn't a problem…it wasn't right to call it that. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the feelings, Jamie's approach just happened to land her in deep trouble. "Whatever…" she thought to herself. Drinking down the rest of her whiskey, Jamie flagged down Mick again. "I'll have another, please."

Mick grabbed the glass from the counter and filled it, trying to give her a single.

"Hey," Jamie said, almost a warning tone. She held up two fingers, letting him know she wanted another double.

"Don't you have a job to go to?" Mick asked, handing the glass back to her that was now filled with another double.

Jamie took a decent sized sip from the glass. Her eyes met Mick's, "Don't you have your own business to mind?"

Mick huffed, "Ouch…"

"I'm sorry," Jamie told him quickly. She had never been given a reason to be rude to Mick. He was only trying to be nice after all. "It's been…a terrible day. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," Mick replied, cleaning off a glass as he spoke. "Want to talk about it?"

Jamie drank the rest of the liquid in her glass. "Let's see…I overstepped in my job and…" She took a minute to think it through, what her actions had caused. "Basically because of what I did, I ended up with a bullet graze to the shoulder and I almost got one of my teammates killed. So, I've been put on mandatory leave for now."

"Oh…well, uh…I'm sorry?"

"Don't be."

"How long is the leave?"

"It's only a week, but I don't know what to do with myself."

"Ah, that explains why you're here before noon on a weekday." Mick concluded.

"Aw, look at Sherlock Jr." Jamie gibed.

Mick laughed, "Well, I don't know a whole lot about your life; but from what I do know, you always manage to fix things."

Jamie gave him a side grin, "I don't know if that'll be enough this time." She stared down at her empty glass, then held it out. "How about one more?"

"How about no?" Mick replied.

"What?"

"You need to leave the bar and figure out what to do for the next week. You can't be here drinking and expect to fix your problems this way."

"You're kind of annoying, you know that?"

"Cutting people off is part of the job."

Jamie stood from the stool and leaned down on the counter. "What if I just crawl into the next bar where some random bartender doesn't know me and won't cut me off?"

"Then I'd have to go home and reevaluate my faith that people do the right thing."

"…we'll see." Jamie said before leaving The Smokehouse.


Chardonnay, Riesling, Merlot, and Pinot Noir were four of Jamie's best friends. Since she couldn't be in a bar, she took herself to the safety of her own home and dug out her wine stash. Jamie changed out of her work attire and into some shorts with a tank top. Her phone was blasting the music of Bon Jovi from the kitchen and after dancing her way down her stairs, she grabbed all four bottles of wine and cracked open the Riesling. Perhaps her favorite wine would help her come to her senses and aid her in figuring out what to do. She poured the wine into a glass, up to the rim and chugged it. Her right hand lifted to bottle in front her face and in within the moment, the bottle was attached to her lips. She came up for air when the bottle was almost empty and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Her head bopped to the music for a minute and turned up the volume, then she finished the bottle…only to open another right after.

Nothing good ever happened when Jamie drank Pinot Noir. She told herself she would be fine since she was at home and if she really needed help, she could always call someone. Her mind would be too ridden with the effects of alcohol to feel ashamed. She danced around to Bon Jovi telling stories about Tommy and Gina. The wine sloshed inside the bottle, thankfully not hitting the floor since it was too low from the top. After that bottle was finished, Jamie actually had to decency to tell herself to slow down. She was drunk and it didn't matter that it was barely past noon. The option of letting herself get blackout drunk passed through her mind more than once, but thankfully she didn't want to go that far.

Her job was her life. All of her time and energy went into the BAU, day in and day out. She was a respected member of the unit and even though she had been through some fairly traumatic events, her team never treated her as if she was incapable. Jamie's recent actions could be blamed on bleeding wounds within her emotions. Again, everybody has their own way of dealing with their issues and they're not always the right choices. In her early twenties, her mom would always tell her that she was one decision away from a completely different life. Back then, Jamie never took those words to heart and now that she was older, she could place those words into her own meaning. Outcomes depend on choices and if you want a certain result, you have to make the right choice. Sometimes Jamie thought that her own life was a punishment for the things she had done. If that was true, she told herself she would have a terrible ending, because she deserved it. Sometimes she would be stuck in a never-ending cycle of self-pity…and she was sick of it. Even in her drunken state, Jamie's thoughts were rational. She knew her mind wasn't healthy and her coping mechanisms needed some work.

She picked up her cellphone and turned off the music. Her mouth her feeling dry, but water could wait. With her phone still in hand, Jamie began scrolling through her contacts. People she used to know still existed in the list. Her eyes skipped over the now irrelevant names and finally, she got to the one she needed. "Okay, remember that this is for the best." she said, clicking the name and letting it dial.

It rang three times before someone picked up on the other end. "Hello?"

"Um, Dr. Ross? It's Jamie Carter…"


February 28th, 2015

It was nearly ten o'clock in the morning. Jamie was wide awake and despite having a tiny headache, she was ready for what was about to come. During her drunk pity-party, Jamie had called Dr. Elise Ross. The two had barely spoken since Jamie had to have her psychological evaluation redone; but Dr. Ross had told Jamie that if she ever needed anything at all, she was just a call away.

Now, Jamie was playing the waiting game. She was nervous and didn't know what Dr. Ross would have them talk about. Last time, Jamie's emotions got the better of her and there was no telling if this time would be different. She hoped it would be.

Knock, knock, knock

Jamie calmed herself down and headed towards to front door. She took a couple of deep breaths before she opened it. Dr. Ross was on the other side, seemingly happy for a Saturday morning. Jamie smiled back at the woman and invited her inside her home.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Ross. I'm sure this isn't the way you imagined spending your Saturday."

"Don't even worry about it," Dr. Ross told Jamie. "Remember I told you, I'm only one phone call away."

"I remember." Jamie said shyly. "Um, here I can take your coat if you'd like."

Dr. Ross took off her black overcoat and scarf, handing it to Jamie who put it on a hanger inside her closet. "You have a very nice home, Agent Carter."

Jamie laughed lightly, "I'm off duty. You can call me Jamie."

"If that's what you want."

Jamie motioned for Dr. Ross to follow her into her kitchen. "Would you like some coffee before we get started?"

"That'd be wonderful, thank you."

Pouring the coffee for two, Jamie tried to make small talk. "I didn't know you made house calls."

"I don't," Dr. Ross responded, "But I thought I'd make an exception."

"Hm…" Jamie sounded, handing the coffee to Dr. Ross. She offered creamer and sugar while taking some for herself. "So, where do we begin?"

Dr. Ross looked surprised. "You tell me," she said, "You called me here and I'm more than happy to help out."

"Right…"

"I'll give you a starter. How about you tell me why you called me here?"

Jamie swirled the spoon in her mug. "I called you because I was drunk…and I was feeling sorry for myself." It hurt her a little to admit that, but it was good to get it out in the open.

"Okay, now why were you drunk in the beginning of the afternoon?" Dr. Ross sipped on her coffee, patiently waiting for answers to her questions.

"Um, well..." Jamie huffed and let her shoulders slump. "I don't know if you know this, but I've been put on a seven-day mandatory leave from work. And I guess I don't really know how to handle it."

Dr. Ross' eyebrows shot up, clearly showing that she didn't know that information. "Now, why were you put on leave?"

"Why is everyone of your questions asking 'why'?"

"You called for my help, Jamie. Here I am giving it to you…"

"Okay, okay." Jamie backed down. "Um, so about a week ago, or more than a week ago, my team and I were on a case in Dayton, Ohio. We had this unsub who was kidnapping young boys from their families and claiming he was saving them. Anyway, everyone we were working with and the whole unit knew that this guy, Randy Combs, was the unsub, like no doubt about it. So, I uh, went off by myself to go find him and what ended up happening was when I found him, things took a turn for the worse. We ended up in a shootout and soon after it started, two of my team members inserted themselves and one of them…"

"One of them what?"

Jamie could barely bring herself to say it, but she knew she had to. "One of them could've died. I mean, we all could've died, but they were lucky to get out alive."

"Who was it, Jamie?"

"It was JJ. Agent Jareau was shot in the shoulder. Had to have surgery to get the bullet out."

Dr. Ross took a sip of her coffee and questioned, "And how is she doing?"

"She says she fine, but when she talks to me I can tell she's pissed off. It's not like she doesn't have to be, though. She's in an arm sling for now and she's going to need a few weeks of rehab." Jamie stared into her counter top and silently shamed herself for her actions. "She has children, Dr. Ross. And she has a husband. If I was the one who took her away from them, I would never forgive myself."

"It seems like you're having a hard time forgiving yourself now."

"Of course, I'm having a hard time. My friend was shot…"

"What about that bandage on your arm?" Dr. Ross pointed out.

Jamie looked down at her left shoulder, seeing the white bandage. "It's just a graze, no big deal."

"And you're okay with getting yourself injured?"

"…no, I never said that." Jamie thought back.

"You don't seem too worried about that graze, though."

"Exactly. It's just a graze."

"Okay, we'll move on. Why do you think this all occurred?"

"Um, I literally just told you. I did something I wasn't supposed to do."

"And that's what I'm getting at. Why did you take those actions that day?"

"I guess I felt the need to take some action. Agent Hotchner had us working on other things, even though he knew that Combs was the unsub. There was technically nothing stopping us from making an arrest."

"So, your behavior is Agent Hotchner's fault?"

"Okay, no," Jamie tried to take it back. "You can't put words into my mouth."

"I'm doing no such thing, as all I did was ask a question." Dr. Ross claimed.

Jamie stared down Dr. Ross, but not in a rude way. "You have a funny way of working, you know that?"

"It gets the job done, doesn't it?"

"I suppose," Jamie shook her head. "Would you like to move into the living room? It's more comfortable than bar stools."

The two women left the kitchen and settled into the living room sofa. Jamie on one end and Dr. Ross, sitting proper on the other.

"I want to bring up a topic that was a bit touchy for you last time." said Dr. Ross.

"…okay?"

"How is your relationship with Spencer?"

"There is no relationship there." Jamie spat out.

"Really? Not even a friendship?"

"Well, okay fine. We're friends, but lately it's been…I don't know."

"Complicated?"

"Yeah, you could say that." Jamie huffed.

"So?"

"So, what?"

"Go on, tell me about him." Dr. Ross insisted.

Jamie lightly rolled her eyes, but complied. "Um, things were good. We were working well together, he even asked me on a date." A smile crept onto her face at the mention of that night.

"That's wonderful. How was it?"

"It was really great," Jamie said, thinking back into her memory, "We went to a bar, ate some good bar food, and played pool till they closed for the night."

"It seems like the two of you were working it out then, hm?"

Jamie nodded in reply.

"Then tell me, Jamie, why are we speaking in past tense?"

The young agent wasn't ready for that question. Hell, she didn't even realize she was speaking in past tense until Dr. Ross pointed it out. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You're using words such as 'were', which is telling me that things aren't going to well anymore. Why is that?"

This was a chance for Jamie to open up. She never liked to be judged or misunderstood when she spoke, but here she was in a safe place with somebody who was there to listen, someone who was there to help her. Jamie shifted in her seat. She could feel it, the sting of tears wanting to drop down from her eyes. "That night that I went out with him," she started slowly, "we came back here and he was about to leave, but I asked him to stay. Then we started talking and…I know I don't need to finish the tale for you to understand"

Dr. Ross sat on the opposite end of the couch, listening intently. "Have you said it out loud?"

"What?"

"The thing that you don't want to say, Jamie."

"No, I haven't actually and I don't think I need to."

"But maybe you should." Dr. Ross pointed out. "Correct me if I'm wrong, all of your rogue behavior started after the two of you had relations, yes?"

Jamie shrugged her left shoulder. "I guess so, yeah."

"And I take it you haven't spoken about it with one another?"

"No, we never did." Jamie admitted.

"Jamie, do you know what a defense mechanism is?"

"Sure, it's something people use to…avoid facing how they feel." She grasped the idea that Dr. Ross was putting forward. Although she wasn't going to disagree outright, there was no harm in listening to a professional explanation.

"That's one way to put it." Dr. Ross declared. "There is one specific mechanism that I would associate your recent behavior with."

"And that is...?"

"You're acting out." The answer came out smoothly, like there was nothing else to it.

"Acting out? Like what a child does?"

"Yes, but not necessarily. Acting out is usually defined as extreme behavior in order to express certain thoughts or feeling that someone is incapable of expressing."

"Incapable?" Jamie questioned. "I'm not incapable of expressing emotion."

"Maybe not, but tell me, how do you deal with the stress of the situation?"

Jamie pushed herself further into the pillows on the couch. "Um, I go to the gym, I…drink."

"When a person acts out, it can also act as a stress or pressure release. What did you feel when you ran after Randy Combs?"

"Like I was doing my job."

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

"I felt scared," Jamie admitted, "But I also felt like I could handle it myself. Like, there was some sort of adrenaline rush from the whole thing, from going off by myself…"

"And did it help you feel more at peace with yourself?"

"No, it definitely didn't."

"What about that injury on your shoulder there?"

"We already talked about that. It's a puny graze."

"I know we did and I'm not saying this happened purposely," Dr. Ross said, almost in a wary tone, "but self-injury is associated with this specific defense mechanism. You let the physical pain take over so you don't have to deal with the emotional pain."

"…that's sort of far-fetched, don't you think?"

Dr. Ross shook her head. "No, I don't think that. Jamie, you need to let these emotions go. You need to talk to Spencer, you need to talk to Agent Jareau, and tell them how you feel. You claim to be able to express emotion, this is your chance to prove it."

No matter how much Jamie wanted to disagree, she knew Dr. Ross was right. "It's not happening today."

"That's fine, but when you do talk to them, I want a full report from you. If I don't get one, Agent Hotchner will be hearing from me."

Jamie narrowed her eyes in disbelief. "You wouldn't…"

Dr. Ross smiled, but also let it be known that she wasn't kidding. "Try me, Agent Carter."


March 1st, 2015

The Sunday afternoon sky was cloudy and the air was chilly; but it was only a short drive from her place to that of one of her coworkers. On the drive there, Jamie kept going over two possible scenarios in her head. One, she could have the door slammed in her face, and two, all would be forgiven and maybe everything would go back to normal. Whichever way it went, Jamie prayed that she would be able to hold herself together.

She parked her car on the curb in front of the home. Jamie exited the car and closed the door behind her. Deep breaths were taken as she walked through the yard and up the steps. Her right hand came up to the door and she knocked before taking a second thought. Jamie's hands found their way into her jacket pockets, her head turning to look at the surroundings behind her. The sound of footsteps could be heard through the door and when the door opened, Jamie had a hard time looking the person in the eyes.

"Hi, Will."

"Jamie," he greeted in his accent. Though, it was kind of monotone. "What can I do for you?"

Jamie's breath hitched, but she was there for a reason. "I was hoping to…um, is JJ home?"

Will stood in the doorway for a moment. It looked like he was studying Jamie. "Give me a minute." He was about to close the door, but opened it back up for a moment. "Do you want to come inside?'

"No, that's okay. It'll be quick."

"Alright." He resumed to closing the door, until Jamie spoke again.

"Will?"

He stayed silent, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm sorry."

Will nodded, "Good…"

He shut the door and within the minute, JJ appeared on the other side and Jamie's eyes instantly went to her arm in the sling. "Hey, Jamie. Everything okay?"

"Not really, no." Jamie cleared her throat and tried looking anywhere but JJ's face. It didn't work, though. "JJ, I owe you an apology," Jamie began, "I never meant for you to get hurt and I hope you know that. I-I've been going through some dark, personal stuff lately and It's making me miserable. I let it project onto the team and I let it affect my work. But JJ, this wasn't supposed to happen to you. It's my fault and I am so sorry."

JJ stood on there, wondering if there was more to Jamie's apology. When no more words were spoken, she said, "I know you're sorry. But if I told you that I didn't blame you, I'd be lying and I don't want to do that."

Jamie's vision became blurred with tears. "I understand and I'm not asking you to forgive me. I just want you to know that I'm sorry…"

"Whatever stuff you've been going through, you could've come to me or anyone else for that matter; but you didn't. You need to get it taken care of. Our team cannot afford anymore drama, Jamie."

"I'm handling it…" Jamie replied. She blinked and a tear fell, but she quickly wiped it away. "I have somewhere else to go, so I'll leave now."

JJ nodded, but kept her face firm as she watched Jamie walk down her steps. "Maybe this time off will do you some good."

Jamie looked back at her friend, but didn't reply. She got into her car and looked to see if JJ was back inside her house. When the coast was clear, the tears fell and landed anywhere they damned pleased. She wiped at her makeup free eyes and started her car. Her mind wouldn't shut up and she felt exhausted, mentally and emotionally. So, instead of going to her next stop, Jamie drove herself home and slept the rest of the afternoon away.


Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.