WARNING: I wrote this as I watched A Very Potter Sequel. It will probably lack sense.
THANKS TO: Saint and Fang. Starkid Potter. The Mighty Rhodes.
ENJOY OR I WILL SIC EVIL DWARFS ON YOU!
~Dylan's POV~
Fang was really starting to creep me out, it was like he was in love with me or something, and I wasn't sure if it was due to the fever or if he was being legit.
"Dyylaaan." He called out, his voice hoarse.
"What now?" I asked impatiently. This had been the fiftieth time he'd called me today. No exaggeration.
"Sprinkles needs his diaper changed." He told me, pointing to the corner of the room. I cocked my head like a dog in confusion.
"Who?" I asked. Fang simply thrusted his finger at the corner.
"His imaginary emo cupcake." The little girl on the floor beside him informed me, I think her name was Angel.
"...imaginary cupcakes wear diapers?" I asked slowly. Fang looked at me as if I were an idiot.
"Dude, he's a wizard. All respectable wizards wear diapers." He told me, then rolled his eyes. "Nevermind, but, uh...maybe you could help me change. I feel all icky in these clothes I feel like I need a shower." He winked at me. I felt myself physically shudder.
"Um. Nah. I think you're healthy enough to manage that yourself." I quickly looked around for an excuse to leave, noticing the clock. "Oh, almost noon, I'll go make your lunch." I hurriedly went to the kitchen, taking five plates out of the cabinet and searching for the bread.
As I spread peanut butter onto slices of wheat bread I thought of quitting, but then I recalled the fact that if I stepped foot out of this house I'd probably be pounced on by three werewolves, two vampires, a house elf, thirty faeries, ten wizards, a couple warlocks, a few Shadowhunters, twenty demi-Gods, five Flyboys, an Eraser, and a couple pencils. Approximately.
I am a wanted man. But, that's not really a story to be told while making peanut butter sandwiches for sick mutants. It's more of a story to be told while cooking tomato, liver and bratwurst soup for an angry mob of dwarves. Who knows when that's going to happen? Probably right after I take a class on how to properly use foreshadowing.
As I finished the third sandwich I heard a knock at the front door. I sighed, sitting the knife and bread down on the plate. I knew Max and Iggy wouldn't answer it, they were both passed out upstairs. (Passed out as in asleep, in case you were wondering. I did not do anything illegal or immoral to them, I promise you.) I calmly opened the door to see a perky looking girl standing beside a big, burly, muscley man.
"Um. Can I help you?" I asked, slightly intimidated by the man. I mean, he had a creepy mustache and everything. Sure his muscles cancelled out the creeper 'stache, but it was still intimidating.
"I think you all weren't very kind with picking your nanny." The girl said in an oddly deep voice. I furrowed my brows.
"Er, what?"
"Wait," the man said, his voice high pitched. "Are you the new nanny?" I nodded slowly and the two exchanged evil glances. I had an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Before I knew it the guy put a cloth over my face and the girl, who was surprisingly strong for her size, had me over her shoulder, whisking me away. And then, I fell unconscious. I'm not sure if it was from whatever they put over my face, or from hitting my head on multiple unidentified objects as they fled from the house. Either way, I was kinda glad to get knocked out. I was exhausted.
~Fang's POV~
"GIVE ME THE REDVINE YOU LITTLE POOF!" I shouted, pushing Draco to the floor. He smacked me across the face, throwing me off of him.
"ONLY DADDY CAN CALL ME A POOF!" He screamed, tackling me. He really wasn't much, quite easy to handle actually. Such a frail little boy.
"I. WANT. THE. REDVINE!" I yelled. "I AM IN A RAGE!" I pinned Draco to the floor once more, grabbing one wrist and holding it over his head. His other arm flailed about around my head, thwacking me multiple times with the object I was attempting to obtain. The Redvine.
"YOU WANT THE REDVINE? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE REDVINE!" Draco thwacked me once more, freeing his other wrist and grabbing my hair. He touched my hair! I pulled the wand out of my back pocket, pointing it at his face threateningly.
"YOU LITTLE SHI-" I began, but I was cut off.
"What the devil is going on heeere!"
Draco and I stopped and looked up as the black haired proffessor entered the room, holding his cape out on each side like a vampire.
"Nothing, Snape!" We both said at the same. Snape simply looked us over, cocking his eyebrow.
"We're just having some...uh...homoerotic fun!" Draco burst out.
"Uh...yeah, with redvines!" I added, grinning. Draco nodded vigurously. Snape looked us for a moment more...and then walked off, muttering something about not wanting to know. I looked back down at Draco.
"So, can I have the redvine now?" I asked kindly. But Malfoy didn't get the chance to respond. He was suddenly attacked by a...well, I don't know really. I was thrown away from the fight as soon as it began, and I believe I might've been momentarily knocked out, but when I came to and looked back over to Draco I saw Dylan standing over him. He took his first two fingers and grabbed his nose, then proceeded to act as if he were eating it. After that he reached to his bum, grabbed Draco's 'nose' and put it back to his face. I heard him say, in a harsh whisper, "You have a poop nose now, you little poof." Dylan stood up and walked over to me. He had saved me. AND MY REDVINE!
He knelt down beside me, handing me the candy. "Fang, are you okay?" I nodded, but he proceeded to say my name, repeatedly. I felt as if I were shaking, like there was an earthquake, but it was only effecting me. More specifically, my right shoulder.
"Fang. FANG. FAANG! FANG!"
Slowly, reality tore apart my dream and I opened my eyes to Iggy's face. I can't say it was a bad sight to awaken to, but I really just wanted to go back to my dream Dylan and the redvines.
I blinked away the sleep in my eyes, still feeling like absolute crap.
"Fang, have you seen Dylan?" Iggy asked me anxiously. I shook my head slowly, trying to comprehend what was going on.
"Iggy..." I said slowly. "Where did you get that tail?" Iggy's brow furrowed and he cocked his head to the side.
"What the spell are you talking about, Fang?" Iggy sighed shaking his head. "Nevermind, just...jeez, none of you have seen Dylan?" He swept his head to look at the entire flock.
"He went to the kitchen to make us sammiches." Gazzy said quietly from somewhere on the floor below me.
"Hey, Ig," Max's voice called as she limped into the room. "Do you think the door standing precariously ajar could have anything to do with Dylan's disappearance?"
"Maybe an angry mob of dwarves came in and stole him away because they wanted him to make them some tomato, liver and bratwurst stew." I spoke up. Max facepalmed, and Iggy facetailed. Where the heck did he get that tail? Has he always had that? I shook the thought from my head.
"Well, there are two things we can do here." Iggy started. "We can either stay here and forget about him, or someone can go look for him."
I looked up at him with wide eyes, "We can't forget about Dill-Dill!"
"Okay then, who's going to go?" Max asked.
"I WILL!" I sat up quickly, then grabbed my head to stop the spinning. Note to self: Don't sit up so fast next time. "Iggy and I can. We will save Dill-Dill!" I thrust my fist into the air.
"Fang, you can hardly sit up, there's no way you can go looking for Dylan." She told me, sitting down in a chair across the room.
"I can too! I'm almost healthy. Let me go, please Max?" I begged, giving her the puppy dog pout and all. Max and Iggy exchanged looks. After a few minutes of silence she sighed.
"Fine, Iggy don't let him hurt himself." She said. "And don't take too long. Just find him, get him, come home."
Iggy looked at her like she was crazy, but I don't really see why. I thought it was a brilliant idea. I stood up slowly, straightening my shirt.
"Iggy, get the redvines, I'm going to go change. My clothes smell like dirty puppy poo." I began my way upstairs, searching my room for new clothes.
I noticed a mysterious suitcase sitting on my bed, which I supposed was Dylan's. I grabbed a shirt from it, thinking that maybe if I wore something of his I'd be able to find him easier. I got my own pants though. I don't think it's right to get into someone's pants until you've known them for at least three days.
Once I thought I was ready I went downstairs and soon, Iggy and I were out the door, searching for my love. Um. I mean, Dylan.
Oh, screw it. I love him.
MWAHAHAHAHA. YES. FYLAN.
By the way, some people got confused with Iggy being able to see. Just to clear that up: Iggy miraculously regained his sight back when they were staying with Max's family and didn't tell anyone but Ella until they were on their way back home after their little trip in the mountains where Fang got attacked. Remember that whole deal? He tried to tell everyone Max was preggers. So, he can see now. :) Alright? Hope that clears everything up.
