Sorry for the late update everyone! This week has been crazy busy and I was on my feet so much yesterday that I never had time to stop and finish this chapter! So I hope you didn't grow too impatient ^^" Sorry again!
The ride back to Jorrvaskr was a long one. It didn't take more than two days to reach Whiterun, but with all of the silence between them during the ride it felt like it should of. Hope would often stare off out into the distance with a look in her eyes that told Vilkas she had heavy thoughts going through her mind. He would try and break the silence with small talk but it would only last a few minutes and then they would just go back to sitting quietly, both looking away in opposite directions.
"Alright, here we are folks." The driver said back to them as the carriage came to a slow stop next to Whiterun's stables. "Finally." Vilkas sighed as he climbed down the carriage. He threw his bag over his shoulder and then turned to watch Hope climb down the carriage.
Once her feet touched the ground, she immediately raised her arms in the air and gave off a loud groan as she stretched out her tightened muscles. "I thought we'd never get back." She said in a relieved sigh as she rubs her lower back. "You and me both." He muttered under his breath while turning his head to look back at Dragonsreach that towered high in the sky.
Hope turned to look at him for a moment but then went a head and started to walk, passing him with her shoulder slightly brushing up against his. Vilkas looked back a head and watched her walk down the road that led to the city.
"Hey." He quickly called to her, grabbing her attention. She stopped walking and turned around to look at him with a lifted eyebrow. "Before I forget." He said while digging around in his bag. Hope watched him with her eyebrow remaining curiously raised. She then watched him pull out the large bag of coin that Maven gave him and reach inside to pull out a handful of gold. "You're cut." He told her with a small smile on his face.
"Oh." Hope replies as she untied her coin purse from her belt. She then opens it and holds it out to Vilkas so that he can just drop the coin in. Vilkas did so the moment she held out her bag. "Thanks." Was all she said while tying her coin purse back on her belt and then turning around to continue to walk to the city.
Vilkas watched her with his eyebrows knitting together in concern. Before she turned away from him, he spotted the look of heaviness still present in her eyes. He figured she was still feeling down, on the rest of the way back that morning she was still quiet and didn't have a lot to say.
With a heavy sigh leaving him Vilkas starts to follow after Hope, but not too quickly. He just let her be and allowed her to walk a head of him.
When they both reach Jorrvaskr, they're immediately greeted by Ria. "You're back!" She happily exclaimed while approaching Hope. "How did it go? Did you complete your job? Was it hard?" She asked several questions quickly, causing Hope to only stare at her wide-eyed for a few minutes afterwards.
Then after being sure that Ria was finished, she cleared her throat and crossed her arms. "We did finish the job." Was all she said in reply. Ria's happy expression slowly formed into a confused one, she could hear something being hidden in the back of Hope's throat and noticed the heaviness in her eyes that Vilkas had noticed before.
"Good to hear." Aela said while approaching them. "Did you have any complications?" She asked with her eyes moving to Vilkas, who was now standing next to Hope. "No, it went fine." Vilkas answered with his arms crossing over his chest. Aela lifted an eyebrow up at him, sensing the tension in his muscles. She always could tell when he was lying.
She then slightly shifted her eyes in Hope's direction and noticed how she had her head turned away from them with her eyes staring off into the distance. "Best you go get some rest." Aela said to Hope, making her look back at her. "I think Skjor has something else for you later, but he'll tell you about it after you rest and get cleaned up." She said with a smile.
Hope stared at her for a moment and then shifted her eyes to Vilkas, who gave her a nod when she did. Then after looking at Ria for a moment, she walks off heading back to Jorrvaskr. She was wanting to go inside anyways, the five days they were gone she had missed the wooden smell that the old building carried.
Aela and Vilkas both watched Hope walk back to Jorrvaskr with Ria trailing behind her. Once she entered the building with the door shutting behind her and Ria, Aela turned to Vilkas and immediately asked. "Did something happen?"
"No." Vilkas replied with his eyebrows furrowing. "Liar." Said Aela with her arms crossing over each other.
Vilkas scoffed at her and looked away. "Why do you think I'm lying?" He questioned with a sneer.
"Because you're a bad lier, that's why." Aela replied with a lifted eyebrow and a smirk on her face.
A small sigh leaves Vilkas as he pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. "It's nothing big. Just the usual." He muttered. "And what would that be?" Aela questioned with her arms remaining crossed.
"You know how new-bloods get when they fight and kill for the first time." He said while lowering his hand down from his face and turning back to look at Aela. "Ah, I see." She said with her eyes trailing off to the side.
"So she didn't handle it well then?" She asked while turning her head back towards the door to Jorrvaskr. "Not at first." Vilkas replied. Aela turned her head back to him with a lifted eyebrow, questioning his response.
"At first she was so nervous, I thought she was going to be sick." He told her while reaching back and rubbing his neck. "But when it came down to jumping into action, she didn't hesitate. We both got cornered a couple of times and every time, she didn't hold back." He explained.
"I see." Aela said with a small, proud smile. "But..." Vilkas sighed, making her smile quickly disappear. "There were a few times where Hope froze, but I don't think it was out of fear. I think it was because of the killing."
"Well, that's something she's going to have to get used to." Aela said in a harsher tone of a voice than she meant. "A true and honorable warrior must do what is necessary. Especially if it's protecting the innocent and bringing the law."
"You don't have to tell me that." Vilkas said with a frown. "And Hope understands that, she does. She just doesn't like the thought of taking a person's life, even if that someone doesn't deserve to be called a person." He sighed.
"Hmm..." Aela hummed while she thought deeply. Vilkas watched her with slightly furrowed eyebrows, wondering what was going through her mind. "Maybe she isn't ready for the final test after all." Aela murmured with her eyes trailing down towards the ground.
"Why? Because she has a conscious?" Vilkas questioned. Aela moved her eyes back up at him with a lifted eyebrow. "Everyone feels the way she does after their first real job, give her a break." He said, with the last part coming out as a murmur while he crossed his arms and moved his eyes away.
Aela stared at him with her eyebrow remaining lifted for a moment, then a small smirk slowly spread across her face. "Sticking up for the whelp are we?" She teased.
Vilkas snapped his head back towards her with a mean sneer on his face. "What are you talking about?" He questioned. "I'm only speaking the truth, I'd say the same thing for Ria, even Torvrar!"
A loud laugh escaped Aela when Vilkas suddenly became defensive. Which only earned her another frown and mean glare. "Alright, alright." She said in a chuckle. "I'll go a head and tell Skjor to continue on with the plan then." She said with an amused smile remaining.
"Tomorrow she and Farkas will be sent off for the real test and then we shall see if she's worthy of the name Companion."
Vilkas quickly furrowed his eyebrows down at Aela, making her raise one at him in question. "Something the matter?" She asked. Vilkas quickly shifts his eyes away from her and asks in a mummer. "She's going with Farkas?"
"Yes, he's going to watch her and see if she's ready." Aela answered with curiosity filling her eyes. "...Why do you ask?"
"He just doesn't seem to be the best one to send." He said with his eyes remaining to the side. Aela lifts another eyebrow with a smirk spreading across her face. "Oh? Then who is? You?" She questioned.
"Or Skjor." He said with a shrug. "Are you joking? Skjor would fail her if she so much as tripped over a stone."
"No, Farkas is the right one to send." She said with a nod.
Vilkas furrowed his eyebrows as he continued to look away. Then with a small, annoyed growl leaving him, he looks back a head and walks past Aela. "Fine." He mumbled quietly. Aela couldn't help but chuckle as she turned and watched walk towards Jorrvaskr.
"So..." Ria trailed off her sentence as she followed Hope down the stairs inside Jorrvaskr. "How did the job go?" She asked.
"Fine." Hope murmured as she walked into the sleeping quarters. Ria lifted an eyebrow as she continued to follow. She stopped in the doorway of the room and watched Hope stop in front of the bed she usually slept in and then bend down near it.
She saw her slide out a small bag and then start to dig through it. Ria slightly tilted her head as she continued to watch.
Out of that bag, Hope pulled out a good sized coin purse. She opened it and dumped what coin was in the small bag she was carrying with her earlier. "Wow, looks like you've saved up a good amount of coin!" Ria commented.
"I'm saving it up." Hope replied.
"For armor?" Ria asked.
Hope nodded in response as she placed the large coin purse back in her bag and then pushed it back under the bed. "Do you have an idea of what type of armor you want?" Ria asked.
"Yeah." Hope said in a sigh as she stood back up. Ria watched her continue to look down at the bed while she lifted an arm up and rubbed the back of her neck. "You okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine." Hope answered plainly. She really wasn't wanting to get into it right now, she just wanted to rest and forget all of the things that happened in the last few days.
"There you are whelp." Said Skjor as he entered the sleeping quarters. Hope sighed and turned to face him. She had a feeling that rest she longed for wasn't going to happen any time soon. "I need to speak to you."
"Privately." He said with his eyes shifting to Ria.
Ria quickly stood up straight and exited the room. Once she was out, Skjor took a few steps towards Hope and said in his usual grumpy tone of voice. "Aela tells me you're job with Vilkas went smoothly." The sentence he spoke would make one think that he was proud, but his usual voice always made Hope confused on how he was actually feeling.
"That small job I gave you and Vilkas was a...sort of test." He said with his arms crossing.
'Small he says.' Hope thinks to herself as she desperately wants to roll her eyes, but she holds that gesture back. "Test?" She questions.
"That's right, I guess you can call it a test for the actual test" He said with a shrug.
"What test then?" Hope asked with furrowed eyebrows.
"A test to see for you're actually ready to be called a Companion." He said with a half-grin, making Hope raise an eyebrow.
That was probably the first time she's seen his face change expression. "You leave first thing tomorrow." He said with a nod.
Hope's eyebrows furrowed more, showing bewilderment on her face. "Tomorrow? But I just got back!" She protested, quickly making Skjor frown in response.
"A true warrior never rests, no matter their condition." He said with a scowl on his face that was full of disapproval.
A sigh mixed with exhaustion and aggravation leaves Hope as she crosses her arms and looks away from him. "Farkas will be your shield-brother on this." He said, making her look back at him with a lifted eyebrow.
"Shield-brother?" She questioned. "That's right, a shield-brother or shield-sister is someone who fights along side you and protects you. Much like Vilkas did on the job you just returned from, he was your shield-brother." He explained.
Hope blinked at him a couple of times, she wondered why Vilkas didn't say anything about that when they were traveling. "Anyways." Skjor sighs, bringing her back from her thoughts. "Like I said, you and Farkas both leave first thing tomorrow morning. Don't disappoint whelp, or get him killed." He said with a frown as he turned around and began to leave the room but before walking through the doorway, he stops and slightly turns his head to her. "Talk to him for details." Is all he said and then just left.
Hope watched him walk away with her eyebrows knit-together. Another job so soon? More than that, a test!? How was she going to get through this one if she was barely able to get through the last one. One would think that she would be giddy and excited about this job being the final step before finally becoming a Companion, but she wasn't.
She wanted to feel excited, she wanted to ready her armor, her weapon, and her supplies. But she didn't. She felt nervous, she felt afraid. Afraid of not being ready and only getting pushed back because she didn't have the stomach to do what must be done.
With a heavy sigh leaving her, she takes a couple steps back and then falls onto her bed with her legs hanging off the side. She lays on the stiff mattress, staring up at the wooden ceiling with her legs dangling from the edge of the bed. It was uncertainty that she was feeling and she didn't like it.
"What's wrong girl? Nervous about tomorrow?" Kodlak's voice made a surprised gasp leave her as she quickly sat up. He can't help but chuckle as he watched her nearly fall off the bed. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." He said as he entered the room.
Hope watched him walk to the bed that sat across from her and then take a seat on its edge. "Skjor and Aela told me a couple of days ago that they think you're ready for a real test to determine if your Companion material." He said with a smile. "And just now, I heard Skjor from down the hallway telling you that you are ready, and I can't help but agree." He told her with his smile remaining.
He watched her stare at him for a moment, with what looked like several thoughts going through her mind. But instead of speaking her mind, she just moved her eyes away from him. "So." He spoke, breaking the small silence that formed between them. "Why is it that you look less thrilled than you aught to be?" He asked with a faint smile.
Hope kept her eyes to the side for a moment longer, still pondering her thoughts, and then slowly moved them back to Kodlak. "What did it feel like to you when you had to kill some one for the first time?" She asked. It was a question she never dreamed of ever having to ask.
Kodlak's eyes softened as he stared into hers, it was a question he suspected to be brought up and one he wished others would ask more. "I felt a heaviness that weighed down my heart and broke my soul." He said softly.
He watched Hope's eyebrows slowly knit-together as her eyes began to water. He described what she had been feeling for the past couple of days, a feeling she thought she'd never be able to explain, a feeling she thought she was the only one to know.
He watched her blink back her tears, take in a deep shaky breath though her nose, and then ask with a trembling lip. "Does it ever go away?"
"No." He answered truthfully. Which Hope wanted him to do, but she still didn't like the feeling of shock it sent through her chest. "Vilkas-" She has to stop to draw in another shaky breath before speaking more. "Vilkas talks like I should be able to get over it eventually but...I don't think I will."
"He's a good lad for trying to make you feel better and even though he's plenty smart, well...making people feel better is just something that's not his strong suit." He said with a soft smile.
"Yeah." Hope chuckled softly as she sniffled a little. She slowly moved her eyes back down to the floor with the feeling of heaviness returning to her heart.
"He's wrong though. It's something you will never be able to get over, something you'll never be able to forget." He said, making her slowly look back up at him.
"Everyone holds the lives they've taken to their hearts, even if they don't show it."
"How can they act like it didn't happen?" She asked.
"Because they learned from it." He answered, earning him a confused look from her.
"They learned that some things must be done for the greater good of others. Think on it, what would of happened if you had spared the people you killed?"
Hope stared at him for a moment and then slowly shifted her eyes down before answering him. "A lot of other people would of gotten hurt and suffered..."
"It's a price we pay to be Companions, to be honorable warriors that protect the people of Skyrim. Even if it is a heavy price." He told her.
"It doesn't get easier and to feel pain from plunging your blade into another just means you are human. In fact, any person who can take another life without feeling a thing is the very kind of person we try to protect others from."
He watched her slowly nod in response as her eyes went back down to the floor.
"I can't tell you to get over it." He said. "I can't make you forget it or put it behind you. But I do want you to build on it and to learn from it; Keep that feeling with you but not if it only sends you down into a dark hole of despair, only keep it with you so that you remain sane, so that you remain human and understand that you should never take a life light heartily."
"Because the moment you start to become numb to the look of life draining from their eyes, is the moment you've truly become lost."
Hope's jaw tightened as did her grip on the bed's edge. His words were deep and they struck through her heart as if they themselves were sharp arrows. But they were words she needed to hear, words she needed to feel. 'The moment you start to become numb to the look of life draining from their eyes, is the moment you've truly become lost.' She was going to hold onto that, let those words help guide her and help her decide who's lives she would have to take and whose lives she should spare.
"You going to be okay lass?" Kodlak asked with worry showing in his eyes. Hope looked back up at him, her eyes a little lighter than before. "Yeah, I think so." She said with a nod and faint smile. Kodlak returned the smile. "Good then." He said while standing up from the bed. He approached Hope and gave her a shoulder a squeeze. "Get some rest lass, you'll need it for tomorrow." He told her before turning away and walking out of the room.
She watched him leave and then once he was gone, she grabbed her bag off of the floor and dug through it for her blank book she kept. He told her to rest but she felt like that was the last thing she could do at the moment. So, she opened her book to the page that had a sloppy doodle of armor on it and grabbed an inkwell and pen to begin anew on that page.
Now she had some kind of idea what kind of armor she wanted. A kind of armor that allowed her plenty of room to move and one that was light enough to allow her to move quietly, but thick enough to save her from a swinging blade or shot arrow. It was something she was sure of and the certainty of that was what she needed.
