This chapter got intense... TRIGGER WARNINGS for vague but fairly obvious references to sexual assault. Apart from that... enjoy?
Disclaimer: None of this is mine.
Eventually, of course, the laughter had to die down.
"Are you worried about the bite?" Robin's face fell a little.
"I... I just don't want to do anything embarrassing... like cry... or throw up."
"It's not a problem. It'll just be me and Vlad, nobody's going to laugh at you. I know how it feels, after all."
Robin turned his face upwards towards his lover's and Bertrand could see the curiosity written across his face.
"You never have told me about that." He knew the gravity of what he was saying, it was clear. "I don't mind if you don't want to, but..."
"But you want to know now more than ever." Robin nodded.
"It seems like it might help to know, that's all. But if you-"
"It won't help." Bertrand knew he sounded cold and uncaring, but that wasn't the case at all. "I don't want to scare you." His lover laughed nervously.
"Not ominous at all, B. Does it hurt that much?"
He met Robin's eyes and just watched in silence as the breather put together everything he knew about Bertrand and reached a conclusion.
"Not the bite." He shook his head, repeating Robin's words softly.
"No, not the bite. But if you want to know... you're the only person I could ever tell." Robin didn't answer that, just waited to see if Bertrand really wanted to talk about it.
He found that suddenly he did.
Robin saw the moment that Bertrand decided he was going to talk, to tell him everything, and the sheer depth of emotion in his eyes scared him for a moment. Bertrand looked so sad, so hurt, and he was about to tell Robin why. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, all of a sudden, but if it would make him feel better... If Bertrand's turning had been so awful, Robin owed it to him to hear him out.
"I... My sire's name was Loïc Régis." The older vampire seemed to grind to a halt for a moment and Robin reached out to squeeze his hand reassuringly. "He took me from a dark street at midnight, but if I hadn't run into him of my own accord, I'm told he had an agreement with my parents."
"He wanted you, specifically?"
"He bought me. When I was just an infant." Robin's eyes widened; he'd never heard of a vampire doing such a thing. Why? Bertrand picked up on his unspoken question. "I didn't have an ordinary upbringing. I was raised, though I didn't know it, to his orders, and trained in the skills he required. And then, when I tried to catch one last night of freedom before what I'd been told was to be a serious, gruelling apprenticeship... he took me from a dark street at midnight."
The vampire fell silent once again, and Robin gave him time. When it seemed like he wasn't going to speak, Robin nudged him gently.
"Well, that's a nice dramatic sentence anyway." It seemed almost rehearsed, and the reason for that became clear when Bertrand spoke. He didn't look up.
"It's what I've always told people. It's all I've always told people."
"You don't have to-"
"He told me... I knew he was going to bite me. I'd been trained all my life to be... an assassin, a fighter, to be strong and unassailable. But I was no match for a vampire's speed and strength. He... I was tied. And then he told me. I would be glad, he told me; becoming a vampire would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. And he..." He swallowed hard, pulling his hand out of Robin's, and hunched slightly, turning his body away from Robin's as if trying to distance himself as far as possible.
Robin, on the arm of the chair, took the hint and stood, shifting to sit on the floor at his lover's feet instead. He didn't want to move away, knowing how terrified Bertrand had always been that he would reject him if he knew about his past, that he would be disgusted. Still, he had obviously been too close for comfort. Bertrand shifted, tucking his knees up against his chest.
"He told me that breathers were breakable. And then... then he proved it." He sounded so sad that Robin reached for his hand again, but Bertrand flinched and he held his hands up in a gesture of surrender.
"Sorry! Sorry. But... proved it?" Bertrand made a tiny sound, almost like a whimper, and Robin wished he hadn't asked. "You don't-"
"He- oh, blood, don't make me say it- he did terrible things, and I was helpless. I should have been able to stop him- but he didn't stop until... I was barely conscious when he bit me. And then when I woke up... He was my sire, the loyalty- it took all I had to drive a stake through his heart, and by then it had been days. And I couldn't go home... It was never home." He'd curled himself over even more tightly, hugging his knees, but Robin saw a tear fall. He threw himself forwards to hug his lover without thinking about it.
Hitting the wall was a vaguely familiar feeling. The books falling on top of him were unexpected, but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.
Bertrand knew he looked like a terrified child, hunched over and clinging to his own legs as if he thought they were going to escape, and he had a horrible feeling he was crying, but it didn't seem to matter because all he could think about was how pathetic and helpless he'd been, how betrayed and abused. It didn't matter, either, that Loïc Régis had been dust for nearly 400 years. Bertrand could still feel the repulsive creature's hands on him, arms wrapping around him to hold him down.
No! He was a vampire now. He was strong. He threw his attacker away from him with all the force he could muster, and was surprised when he didn't make another attempt against him. He uncurled a little, peering cautiously over his own knees to inspect the damage - and that was when he realised where he was and who he must have actually thrown across the room.
"Robin?" He leapt to his feet, trauma forgotten for a second in the sheer, blinding panic that rose at the thought of hurting his breather. They're so... breakable. He pushed Régis' voice from his mind and sprinted across to push aside the heap of books obstructing his view of Robin's face, pressing down on his chest. "Robin, I'm so sorry-" He hauled him away from the bookshelf - never mind what Vlad was going to say when he saw the mess - and pressed his ear to the boy's neck. His pulse was strong; relief gave way to terror as he felt his fangs descend and had to move swiftly backwards and get them under control.
"B, 'm okay." Robin was conscious. Robin - now rising from the chair where Bertrand had left him - Robin was alright. Moreover, he was holding his hands out to him, as if he wanted to touch him but didn't dare. He didn't seem scared. "I could use a hug though, if you can do one." Bertrand hesitated, unsure that he was worthy of Robin's touch... but then the boy's shoulders slumped very slightly and the vampire had no choice but to sweep him into a hug.
"I'm not okay," he murmured into Robin's hair, "but you make me feel okay."
"How can I help?" He was sure that if he could blush, he'd be blushing now. But he needed something pathetic and sentimental, and Robin had always made it very clear that if there was something he wanted from him, he only had to ask.
"I... I just need to feel safe, and loved, and special." It sounded even more pathetic when he said it out loud, but before he could take it back Robin was kissing him softly on the cheek, eyes full of understanding.
"You want me to worship you?" That sounded far more vampiric, but far less them.
"N-" Robin was blushing now, to the tips of his ears.
"I do. I'll prove it, any time you want, Bertrand." He placed a tentative hand on Bertrand's chest, stroking gently, and gestured to the armchair they'd been sharing earlier. "Sit down, yeah? You're shaking."
Bertrand collapsed gratefully into the armchair and watched Robin sink to his knees at his side and take his hands, pressing gentle kisses to them.
"I love you. We're okay. Thank you for talking to me about it." He nodded weakly, a little unsure of how to proceed after the dramatic confessions of the last few minutes. Robin took a deep, nervous breath. "Do you want to talk more, or... maybe I could take your mind off it?"
Their eyes met, and Bertrand was surprised to feel a shiver of nerves run down his spine. Robin looked anxious, afraid he'd said the wrong thing, afraid he was pushing too far. He squeezed his hand to reassure him.
"I love you."
