Dark Waltz- Chapter 28

A/N: Here's the next chapter! (even though I updated earlier this week, it's still Saturday and therefore, update day)

Enjoy, and please read the note at the end!

BPOV

"Are you nervous, Bella?"

"A little," I lied easily, glancing to my left to survey Esme's expression. She still had a soft smile on her face as she watched me, nodding.

I was a lot of nervous.

"I understand," she said softly. "I'm sure you'll love Carmen."

"I hope so," I said dubiously, not wanting to hate Esme's friend outright.

I didn't want to be rude.

"You will," she said again. "Carmen is exceptional at what she does."

"I'm sure she is," I placated, earning me a wry grin.

Esme had told me that she sort of liked the new "sassiness" coming out in me… she said it reminded her a lot of Alice. I didn't think I was being sassy, but if Esme liked it, I'd keep it up.

Esme and I had gotten off to an excellent start this morning, even if I was on my way to a head doctor. Esme wanted nothing more than for me to see Carmen and learn not to be scared of simple things anymore. She wanted me to be able to sit calmly when Emmett was angry, or when some strange, light-haired boy talked to me on the street.

She wanted me to sleep through the night without the dog, to be at ease during family dinners, to learn to socialize so I could go to school and most of all, to be happy.

Esme thought I was very unhappy in her home, and I knew it bothered her greatly.

It wasn't her fault.

"Where is this office?" I asked, watching the passing buildings of Port Angeles as they passed by.

"Not too far from here," said Esme, stopping at a red light. "Just a few blocks up."

"Oh."

I grew more nervous with every inch the car drove, knowing we were getting closer and closer to this new Doctor.

A girl Doctor.

"Here we are," said Esme softly, pulling into a parking space beside a grey brick building with a sign out front.

Port Angeles Mental Health and Wellness, Dr. Carmen Sanchez, MD

I shivered as Esme unlocked the car doors, stepping out into the wet air as easily as ever.

I almost envied her.

"Come on, sweetheart," she coaxed. I saw the worry pass over her face as she contemplated my sudden hesitation- maybe in her mind, I wouldn't get out of the car. Maybe she thought she'd have to coax me out. Maybe she wondered if shed'd have to bring Carmen Sanchez, MD out here to get me…

I stepped out of the car, and her smile widened.

"Good," she praised. "Come on."

I felt her gently slide her hand into mine, the warmth and gentleness calming my nerves somewhat. Esme led me right to the sliding glass doors of this place, leading me into the room with beige-coloured walls, sofas, armchairs and paintings of sunflowers on the walls.

It was much different than the Institute I was used to, and I felt myself shying into Esme's side as we approached a desk, where a lady with a computer and a headset was sitting.

"Good afternoon," she greeted in a chipper voice. "Do you have an appointment?"

"Yes, for Isabella Swan," said Esme kindly. "She's supposed to see Carmen at 1:30."

"Of course," said the lady, clacking away on her keyboard. "Doctor Sanchez is just finishing up with her 1:00 and she'll be out to get you when she'd finished."

I paled as Esme thanked the desk lady and led me to the sofa in the far corner, away from the other people in the waiting room.

There was a suspicious-looking boy in the corner, watching the television with barely lucid, glassy eyes.

What was that Doctor finishing up in her office? What was she doing with this "one-o-clock"? Was she going to hurt them?

What was she going to do once she was "out to get me"?

I shivered, grasping Esme's hand in an unpleasantly tight grip, wondering suddenly why I'd agreed to come here. Why had I agreed to subject myself to another doctor, even though I knew what they did?

"Are you alright?" asked Esme gently. I glanced up and saw her looking at me in her caring way, just itching to hug.

"I guess so," I lied shakily, feeling my palms sweating. Esme, though she looked troubled and sad, let it go, settling for holding onto my tightly-clenched hand.

"Isabella?"

Both mine and Esme's head shot up at the sound of my name, our eyes meeting the face of my new Doctor.

She looked nothing like the Doctor I was used to…

"Carmen," said Esme fondly, glancing up at her old friend. Esme let go of my hand and left me sitting on the chair as she embraced the Doctor lady, each of them kissing the other's cheek.

"How've you been, Es?" asked the Doctor, watching Esme with her excited brown eyes.

"Good," admitted Esme. "Things have been a little tense, but good."

I flushed bright red, knowing that the aforementioned tension was a direct result of my presence.

"Good," said the Doctor easily. "Great."

They hugged again.

"I meant to come down and see you a few weeks ago, but with everything going on…"

"You're always welcome," said Esme crossly. "You know that." Doctor Sanchez sighed, her mood not dampened in the slightest as she glanced over Esme's shoulder at me.

"Hello Isabella," said the Doctor lady.

"Hi."

"Well, why don't we get started?" she asked gently. "Let's let Esme grab a coffee and we'll go talk in one of the rooms."

I hesitated, looking up at Esme.

"Go ahead," she encouraged. "I'll be back in an hour."

"Okay," I said, suddenly fearful of Esme leaving me alone with this woman.

"Come on," said Carmen, waving me towards the ominous hallway behind her. Esme waved me off and stayed in her spot until we turned a corner, ending up out of Esme's sight and in a new hallway.

"We'll try this room," said Doctor Sanchez softly, opening a thick wooden door. The inside of the room was a soft blue colour with two armchairs and a sofa arranged in a circular pattern.

"Have a seat," said the Doctor lady kindly, offering me first pick. I stopped, watching her suspiciously for signs of stun guns or needles.

"You first," I said lowly. Without hesitation she took a seat on the far end of the sofa, letting me choose the armchair furthest away from her.

"Well, you already know my name," she mused, "so I suppose that's a moot conversation point."

I stared at her.

"You can call me Carmen," she announced easily. "What do you prefer?"

I shrugged, still watching.

"Is Isabella fine?" she prompted.

"No."

"What would you like to be called, then?" she asked softly, leaning forward interestedly.

"Bella," I blurted, using the name my family used.

Did I really want Carmen to know that name?

"Alright then, Bella," she began, smiling gently. "Usually the first session is when I get to know you."

"Know what?" I asked suspiciously.

"Whatever you want me to know," she said. "Whatever you feel like sharing."

"I don't like sharing," I quipped easily.

"Do you know why you're here?" she asked in the same calm, gentle voice.

"Yes," I replied automatically. "Esme and Carlisle want me to be here."

She watched me contemplatively for a moment.

"And why do they want you to be here?" she asked.

"Because they want me to talk to you," I said.

"Why?"

"I don't know," I lied shrugging.

"Yes you do."

I stared at her blankly.

"Because they don't want me to be scared of strangers and they don't want me to be scared when my brother's mad and they want me to sleep at night," I divulged.

"Good," she said.

"Well, my name's Carmen," she said again as I frowned in confusion. "I was born in Miami, Florida. My grandparents were from Mexico and then they immigrated to Cuba. My parents lived in Cuba before my mother got pregnant with me, then they took a boat over to Miami. I was raised in a small Hispanic community in Miami before I graduated high school and went off to the university in Jacksonville to be a doctor. I met Esme while I was there and then Carlisle, and we've been friends ever since. When I finished med school and my residency, I moved to Port Angeles to open this clinic."

"Oh," I said quietly, wondering why in the world she'd bother telling me all that.

"What about you?" she asked idly. "What've you been up to?"

"I don't know," I said quietly. "Stuff?'

"Such as?" she asked interestedly. "For this to work, I need to get to know you."

I stared at her, taking a deep breath.

"I've been reading," I said easily. "Jasper taught me."

"Jasper taught you?" she asked in fascination. "He's a good boy."

"Yeah," I agreed passively. "I know a little about reading and Alice tried to teach me, but Jasper reads a lot of books and he's a good teacher."

"He is," she said easily. "He's a wonderfully apt teacher."

"Oh."

"What else have you been up to besides reading?" she asked. "Esme tells me you've taken an interest in cooking."

"I like cooking with Esme," I said cautiously. "I don't think I'm very good at it though."

"Why not?"

"Esme's better," I pointed out, "but she's too nice to agree with me."

Carmen laughed softly, the sound making me more comfortable.

"Esme doesn't like to hear people talking down to themselves," she informed me. "She wants people to feel confident and secure, no matter what."

"Don't tell her I think I'm bad at cooking," I said quickly. "It'll make her sad."

"Everything said in this room stays in this room," she said easily. "The only time I can break confidentiality is if you tell me you want to hurt yourself or someone around you."

"Oh."

"I'm here for you to talk to, Bella," she said softly. "I'm here as a sort of friend."

"You're a doctor," I accused crossly. "Doctor's aren't nice friends."

"Why do you say that?" she asked, not at all offended by my accusation. "Don't you like Carlisle?"

"Sometimes," I said stubbornly. "I didn't like when he told me he wanted me to come here."

"You didn't like his idea," she clarified. "You still liked him."

I stared at her, letting that truth sink in.

"Why don't you think doctor's make good friends?"

"Because you hurt!" I cried. "You stun and you stab and poke and feed me pills and-"

"I haven't done any of those things," she pointed out. "All I've done is talk."

"Just wait until I say something you don't like," I said wildly. "You just wait… I know what's in that pocket."

"I have a pen and a pack of mint flavoured chewing gum in my pocket," she said simply, reaching in and pulling out just those two things. I was speechless, and I looked at the couch instead.

"What do you think I keep in my pockets?" she asked softly.

"A stun gun," I said easily. "You all have them."

"Your doctor had one," she agreed. "Not every doctor does."

"Why not?" I asked, honestly curious.

Why didn't Carmen want to zap me with her stun gun? Surely she had one…?

"Because it's unethical and cruel," she replied easily. "I don't use force on any of my patients unless they're combative or harmful towards themselves."

"Oh."

"The very last thing I want to do is hurt you," she said softly. "You can trust me."

I didn't respond, and she continued with a different topic of conversation.

"What about boys?" she asked. "Anyone special?"

I flushed bright red.

"No!" I spluttered. "No boys!"

She laughed as she took in my embarrassed face, only serving to deepen the blush.

"It's alright, Bella," she said easily. "It's only natural for girls your age to start noticing boys. Most girls notice them much earlier than seventeen."

"I'm only sixteen," I corrected.

"I know, honey," she said. "I was rounding up."

"Rounding up?"

"Your birthday's in less than a week," she reminded me. "I think you're allowed to be called seventeen now."

"Oh."

"How've you been getting along at home? Any problems there?"

"No," I said honestly. "I like home."

"That's good," she said, smiling. "Nothing worrisome?'

"No."

"What about your siblings? How've you been getting along with them?"

"Emmett and Alice?" I asked, confused. "They're good."

"Have you spent any time with them, getting to know them?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "I went to the movies with Emmett and Rosalie a while ago and I've been shopping with Alice. Emmett watched Godzilla with me the other night, too."

"That's great," she said. "How are you and Rosalie getting along?"

"Rose's nice," I said easily. "I know why Emmett likes her because I like her too."

Carmen laughed again, and I smiled shyly up at her.

"That's wonderful," she said. "It's very important that you have a good support system at home."

"Support for what?" I asked.

"Support for life," she said vaguely. "Everyone needs someone to talk to."

"I like talking to Edward," I said quickly. "He's good at listening."

"I'm sure he is," she said. "Would you consider Edward a friend?"

"Yeah," I said easily, knowing very well that Edward was one of my very first friends. Alice and Emmett were my brother and sister, and Rosalie and Jasper were more like a second brother and sister instead of a real friend.

Edward wasn't like a brother.

"What do you like about him?" she asked.

"He's nice, he listens, he's calm, he watches movies with me, he plays piano, he likes classical music and he shares my floor," I rambled. "I'm sure there's more."

"Good," said Carmen. "I'm glad you have a friend."

"What about Carlisle?" she asked again. "How've you been getting along with him?"

"Fine," I said cautiously.

"Were you ever not fine with him?"

"Yes," I said uneasily. "I didn't like him at first."

"You didn't like him or you were scared of him?"

"I was scared of him," I admitted.

"Why?"

"Because he was a boy doctor with light hair and he had a cell phone in his pocket."

"A cell phone?"

"It looked like a stun gun and I didn't like it," I admitted. "I was scared of that phone and I was scared of his pocket."

"I understand," she said. "It would be hard for someone who was hurt by a man to trust them afterwards. I see it all the time."

"Oh."

"Do you ever want to go to school?" asked Carmen softly. "Edward, Alice and Jasper went back this week."

"I know," I said sadly. I missed them…

"Would you ever feel comfortable in a school setting?"

"I don't know," I said honestly. "I've never been there."

"Yes you have," she said softly. "Kids start kindergarten at four years old. You would have been three when you started, since you're a September baby."

"Oh."

I'd gone to school?

"You were most likely going into second grade the summer your parents passed away," she informed me.

"Oh."

"You would have learned the basics of reading and writing, as well as some of the most basic mathematics."

"I don't know any of that," I argued.

"You know how to read," she contradicted. "Can you write?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "A little bit."

"And do you know your numbers?"

"Yeah," I said, slightly offended that she thought I was so stupid.

"Those are things learned in first grade," she said.

"Oh."

"Do you think you'd ever feel comfortable in school again?" she asked.

"I don't know, maybe?" I said, growing frustrated with the question. "Why?"

"It's just a question," she said easily, smiling. "I'm glad you answered so positively."

"Why?"

"Because it shows promise," she said gently. "Would you want to go to school, if you were comfortable with it?"

"Yes," I said eagerly, my thirst for knowledge rearing up again. "I have a lot of questions to ask Jasper."

She smiled indulgently.

"That's an even better answer. People who want to get better often get better much faster than those who don't."

"Well, I do want to learn not to be afraid," I said sadly, "and Carlisle says that's your job."

"It is," she said. "My job is to make you comfortable enough to live a good life and to guide you through times you find trying."

I blushed again as she sighed, glancing at the clock.

"We have ten minutes left," she said quickly. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

I thought for a long moment before I answered.

"How long does this take?" I asked carefully, assessing her reaction.

"As long as it takes," she answered, frustratingly vague. "It's different for everybody."

"You don't have any idea?" I asked.

"Not yet," she admitted. "It's only the first session."

"How many sessions will we have?"

"I'm aiming for twice a week," she said.

"Is that a normal number?" I asked, not wanting to be the oddball.

"Normal is relative," she dismissed.

"It's what?"

"Relative," she repeated. "It means that being normal is only really 'normal' when you look at someone else's normal and compare the two."

I frowned, trying to wrap my head around that.

"I don't believe in normal," she divulged gently. "Some people come in to see me only once or twice a month and others come up to four or five times per week."

"Okay," I said.

"I think, though I can't be certain, that what you went through at the hands of Dupont in Phoenix means that we'll be talking for a while," she admitted. "Victims of abuse, sexual assault and captivity often take the most time to work with."

Great. Now I was a head case.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," she said sharply, seeing the look on my face. "There's no shame in getting help when its needed."

"I know," I said. "That's what Esme said."

"And she's quite right," said Carmen easily. "I'd listen to her, if I were you."

"I do listen to Esme."

"I know, honey," she said again. "I think you'll do well once we get to know each other better."

Had I not done well today? Was Carmen angry with me-?

"You did very well today," she admonished, almost as if she could read my mind. "You were very open."

"Oh."

"It takes time to get used to the therapy process and to build trust. I don't expect you to tell me everything about you right at the very start."

"Okay," I said gently. Carmen smiled indulgently at me and turned towards the table in front of us, grabbing a file folder I hadn't noticed before.

"This session was sort of a practice session," she said. "In the future, I'll need to know whether or not you'd rather me take notes or use the recorder."

"Notes," I said quickly. "I don't like being recorded."

"Not a problem," she said breezily.

"Why do you need notes?" I asked.

"Because I need to keep track of what subjects we've covered and whether or not you're making progress."

"Oh."

"Now, we need to go over medications," she said.

I tensed, and she noticed almost instantly.

"Don't panic over it," she said. "It'll be fine."

"Medicines are never fine."

"Mine are," she said easily. "Doctor Denali has prescribed you Ativan and Atenolol?" she asked.

"Yes," I said grudgingly. "I take them every day."

"Good," she said, running her eyes over the paper. "I agree with the Ativan."

"Oh."

"I'm not going to tweak anything just yet," she said. "I don't want to act prematurely."

"Prematurely?"

"I might prescribe you an antidepressant," she said softly. "It'll regulate your moods and help with your sleep. We'll see where we stand in a few weeks."

"Okay."

No point arguing about medicine I didn't even have, right?

Plus, I didn't want to make Carmen angry with me.

"Well, we've gone five minutes over," she noted, glancing at the large ticking clock on the wall beside us. I glanced up as well, reading the black numbers carefully.

2:35.

"Esme will be waiting in the lobby," she informed me. "Come on with me, and we'll set up your next appointment."

"Okay," I said gently.

"And we'll see if we can't get a schedule started."

"What for?" I asked quietly.

"It's a lot easier on the patients if there's a routine involved," she explained. "Today's Thursday, so maybe I'll see you again on Monday?"

"Monday's fine, I think," I said, knowing it depended on Esme's schedule, not mine.

"We'll talk with Esme," she said softly. "We'll figure it out."

"Okay."

"Bella," said the familiar voice as soon as Carmen and I emerged from the hiding hallway. I saw Esme rise from her seat to greet us as we approached, and I felt a flood of love for her as I moved away from Carmen.

I hugged Esme tight, having missed a familiar face during my session with Carmen.

"How'd it go?" she asked quietly, stroking my hair as I rested my head on her shoulder.

"Astonishingly well," said Carmen easily, smiling widely at the evidence of my relationship with Esme. "We got to know each other."

"That's great, sweetheart," said Esme gently. "Were you alright? No panic?"

"No," I admitted. "It was okay."

I still didn't particularly like it, but Carmen was good for talking… she and Edward both knew how to listen.

"We'll set up our schedule with Annette, alright?" she asked, waving the two of us over to the woman at the front desk.

"Mondays and Thursdays?" asked Carmen, looking between Esme and I. "I think a bi-weekly schedule would suit us."

"Alright," agreed Esme easily. "Whatever works best for you."

She glanced down at me and squeezed my shoulder affectionately.

"We have Mondays at 2:00 and Thursdays at 1:30, just like today," said Annette, the computer woman.

"That's fine," said Esme quickly. "We'll see you Monday."

"Great," said Carmen. "Book her in for the next eight weeks."

Annette did as she was told, even when Carmen told her to avoid scheduling more patients during my slot even after eight weeks.

"Routine is important," she said softly. "It gives you a sense of normalcy."

I didn't comment on her routine business, knowing very well how valuable routine was.

I didn't like not knowing what to expect.

"Well, the two of you have a good day," said Carmen kindly. "I'll see you on Monday."

"Bye," I said, earning me a gentle wave and smile from Carmen Sanchez, my new doctor.

She was much nicer than the old one and as Esme led me out of the building, I felt a bubbling excitement growing within me.

"She didn't zap!" I exclaimed happily, the shock of that realization finally coming down on me. Esme's head snapped around to me, looking torn between terrible sadness and pride.

"No, she didn't," said Esme gently. "Carmen's a wonderful woman." I simply shrugged and sat down in the passenger seat of Esme's vehicle, happier than I was going in.

"Do you think you'll like Carmen?" she asked nervously. "We'll have to give it another few sessions, just to make sure, but if you're not liking her then we can look somewhere else, maybe in Seattle-"

"No," I said quickly. "Carmen doesn't zap."

"Neither would anyone else, Bella," she argued. "They're just as qualified and I know Carmen would understand if you weren't comfortable-"

"I like Carmen," I said bluntly. "She's nice."

Esme beamed and took my hand in hers, excited.

"I'm very glad," she said. "So very, very glad."

I blushed.

"What would you like for dinner tonight?" asked Esme softly.

"I don't know…" I drawled. "Chicken?"

I loved Esme's special chicken she made in the oven.

"Whatever you want," she said easily. "You deserve it."

"Why?" I asked, wondering out loud.

"Because you had an excellent day today, and I'm extremely proud of you."

"Oh."

"Carlisle's going to be proud as well," she said. "He was worried you wouldn't take to Carmen as well as I'd hoped you would."

"Well, he was wrong," I said, shrugging. "I do like her."

Esme just smiled, gluing her eyes to the road in front of her.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed Carmen... I couldn't bear to have Bella freak out yet again over Carmen. She's progressing.

Now for the info... if you check out my profile, you'll find links to more Google Docs pages with more diagrams... so far, I have the age/grade chart and family tree from before, but I've also added a sort of map of the Cullen's yard and each floor of their home. I'm trying to go back through the chapters and fix any discrepancies (since the diagram is fairly new). For example, in one of the chapters it said that Carlisle's study was on the second floor, but the diagram puts it on the third. I'll go back and change that soon enough.

Please leave a review! I think we'll pass the 1000 review mark this chapter!