So this chapter will probably be a bit short, as it was originally going to be a scene from another chapter.

WARNING: TRIGGER WARNING! There are upsetting things in this chapter, so I just wanted you guys to be aware.

There is a time jump. This is the day before Harry is set to go home.

I also had an awesome reviewer point out some things to me. I haven't been really clear about the relationship between Harry and Voldemort, I almost feel like I've led you guys astray, so please read the review and my reply below. I know it's long, but it's important!

Bloody Phantom chapter 15 . 14h ago

This story was really, really, REALLY good...until this point, I'm sorry to say. I was so excited when I read your little note on one of the chapters about not having Harry find out and be okay with Voldemort as his dad and magically become evil overnight...I was excited because I agree with you on that..those stories are unrealistic and boring, to be frank. You were doing such a good job at keeping Harry from getting too attached to and trusting Voldemort right away...but, this chapter just seemed to ruin it for me. Let's add up the facts from Harry's point of view...Voldemort had just shown him Azkaban, hit him in the face, almost had Hermione expelled, threaten Harry not to ever speak to her again just because she's a muggleborn...just seeing the injustice to the muggleborns at Hogwarts would have had Harry hating his father all the more...and Harry admits that Voldemorts own guys killed the only parents he ever knew, not to mention Voldemort threating Sirius' life, blackmailing Harry to stay with him in the beginning...then, all of a sudden, you have this touching scene at the end of this chapter? It is touching to be sure...just too soon and too fast. Voldemort mentioned Harry having Stockholm Syndrome being at the Rebels, but I seem to be seeing it more with Voldemort...

My reply: First of all, I want to say thank you for bringing an honest opinion and critique, and not just complaining. I'm still a high school student, with no formal education in creative writing. It's been an (unfortunate) habit of mine to speed in to things a bit in my writing. That being said, Harry's reactions are only partly accidental, as far as emotional pacing goes.

While Harry tells himself that he won't let himself become attached, the fact of the matter is that he is bound to, at least to some extent. He's alone, without a true support system (besides Voldemort), in an unfamiliar place. He feels threatened, and he doesn't really know what to think of Voldemort. He is also emotionally unstable. You brought up my mention of Stockholm Syndrome, and I intentionally wrote Harry to exhibit signs of it towards Voldemort. And Voldemort, despite attempts not too, acts the way a captor would. He alternates between cruelty and kindness (though not completely consciously) and though it isn't his intention to hurt Harry, he will use Harry's unstable state to his advantage. That's a bit cruel, I know, but it's in character for Tom Riddle. He uses any advantages he can, he uses people, and he doesn't feel any remorse about it. In this case it may even be completely unconsciously, and Voldemort's POV can even go against what I'm saying, because his POVs are what he tells himself. Their relationship isn't healthy, and it will never be healthy.

I also want to assure you that despite all of that, Harry WILL NOT become a mindless drone that does anything his father asks of him. Harry's fundamental ideas are too different from Voldemort to be completely swayed, and at most he'd be a devil's advocate, playing for both sides when he agreed or disagreed with a policy. Harry won't go dark, though he will learn dark magic, and do some things later in the story (out of desperation) that may constitute as dark. He is fundamentally light, and his actions later in the story WILL reflect that as well.

So it's completely your choice in whether you decide to continue reading this fic, but i just wanted to explain that Harry's irrational behavior towards Voldemort is just that, irrational. It isn't all rainbows and love-fests. The relationship will always have an undercurrent of the captor/captive mentality to it because at base, that is what they are. Harry will love Voldemort, and trust him, but there will always be that underlying fear and eventually unhealthy devotion towards him. I really do hope you continue to read, because I love having a reviewer who brings real critiques for the story. I honestly thank you, because i'm on the site to improve my writing and see what others think. I'll try to be a bit more careful about the pacing (though I'm on chapter 30 now).

So yeah, thanks to Bloody Phantom! I also want to say that none of the things above changes the fact that they love each other, but I HAVE said their relationship is unhealthy. It's just unhealthier than they realize. That being said the darker undercurrents aren't the main point of their relationship, but they do play a role.

I don't own Harry Potter.


Chapter 30: Flashbacks are a B****

His first mistake, Harry reflected, was wanting to take a shower. His second mistake was acting on it.

There was nothing physically wrong with him, and his magic seemed to be fine, so he figured he'd be fine to take care of the need to get clean by himself. Plus calling for help to take a shower was embarrassing.

His father had been by several times to check in on him, never able to stay long, but it was still nice to know he was being checked on.

Harry wished he's stay at night. He was a minor, and no one would have batted an eye at his father staying with him as he had the first night. But Harry quickly took notice of the tired air around his dad, there was no physical sign of his exhaustion, of course, but somehow Harry could tell. So even when the lights in his room were turned off and the anxiety began to eat at him, he told his dad to go home and sleep, that he was fine. The weak smile didn't fool Voldemort, but he let his son be, not knowing what else to do.

Right now it was the middle of the day, so he would be fine.

He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and stood up on slightly shaky legs, hobbling over to the en suite bathroom. Shutting the door softly behind himself, he avoided his reflection in the mirror. He knew he looked terrible, pale and tired. He didn't need the mirror to literally tell him he looked like rubbish. Whose brilliant idea was it to put talking mirrors in a hospital toilet anyway?

Harry turned the tap and pulled the knob on top up, it never failed to amuse him how wizards scorned anything muggle made . . . except plumbing.

He stripped and hopped behind the opaque curtain, again avoiding the mirror.

The blasted thing was too small; it could barely even be considered a shower. It was more along the lines of a stall. He should have been used to it, the showers at the rebel camp were even smaller, Harry supposed he'd become quite spoiled in his time with Voldemort.

He went about washing his hair quickly. The small space was getting to him. His hands were shaking, and soon his whole body followed. The water was hot, but he felt freezing. He turned the tap more. The water burned, he was still cold. He found it hard to breathe, and the shaking worsened. The tap wouldn't turn anymore.

Harry slid down the wall in the small cubicle, wrapping his arms around his knees. It never occurred to Harry to get out.

He looked down to his hands, bright red from the scorching water. His wrists were bound by rope, it was tight, it cut into his skin. It hurt.

A strangle noise escaped his throat and he brought his wrists to rest against his chest. He didn't notice that the ropes were no longer binding him, that he could move them. He didn't try too.

Voldemort walked down the long corridor of the pediatric ward, mediwitches barely even reacting to his presence any longer, he was such a constant now. The door to his son's room was shut, he liked his privacy and he'd been making good progress. He would be coming home tomorrow. And then he could give Harry the Christmas he deserved, albeit a few days late. He knew Harry would love his present.

He opened the door and stepped through. The bed was rumpled and empty. The toilet door was closed, the shower running. He decided to wait. There was no pressing business to take care of.

Half an hour passed and Voldemort began to worry. Maybe Harry had just gotten in when he'd arrived. He'd wait. Forty-five minutes. What was he doing in there?

An hour had passed when Voldemort knocked on the door.

"Harry?"

No answer.

"Harry, answer or I'm coming in."

Silence.

The door was locked. He unlocked it.

The room was uncomfortably hot and steamy. The mirror was completely fogged over. The towels were probably damp.

"Harry?"

He could see his silhouette behind the curtain, slumped on the floor of the shower stall.

He ripped the curtain aside and there lay Harry, shivering with his arms wrapped around himself, knees drawn up to his chest, his hands trapped between his knees and his chest. His eyes were half-mast and he didn't seem to feel the water beating down on him, burning his skin.

"Oh, God Harry."

He paid the scalding water no mind beyond a hiss of pain as he pulled Harry from the water. Harry whimpered as his burnt body was manhandled, but he didn't attempt to struggle.

"Harry, Harry can you hear me?"

Harry gave a noncommittal whimper in reply.

He cast a Sonorous and called for help. Harry was trembling, his entire body wracked with spasms, and now that they were out of the water, Voldemort could see that Harry was crying.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to cause his son more pain.

Medics and Healers spilled into the room, noticing the steam. The dark Lord sat against the bathroom door, cradling a very obviously injured boy in his arms.

The medics attempted to gently disentangle Harry with the help of a levitation charm, but stopped when Harry's sobs became audible, a clear sign of distress.

A Healer came forward.

"My Lord, do you think you can get him to drink this? It's imperative that we calm him down, in this state he might cause further harm to himself."

Voldemort took the vial; it took only a glance for him to identify it as Dreamless Sleep. He nodded.

"Harry," he murmured, gently brushing the wet fringe from his face. On some level at least, Harry knew who was holding him, or he wouldn't have been upset at being separated.

He uncorked the vial in a small show of wandless magic and pressed the edge of it gently to Harry's lips.

"Drink this, son. It'll help."

Harry's mouth opened obediently and Voldemort silently thanked heaven above that his son trusted him.

"Good boy," he whispered as Harry swallowed the potion.

He was out almost instantly, his head drooping to rest against his father's chest.

"It'll be alright now, son. Sleep."


So chapter 30. Yeah . . .

Angsty enough for ya? So yeah, tell me what you think!