AN- this is the longest its ever taken me to update and all in can say is that, in that time I've had my braces taken off, a retainer fitted, four GCSE exams with thirteen more to come and a years worth of drama coursework to catch up on because of some stupid teacher... Please forgive me.

Again I thank you all for your continued support and I hope your all still reading! Journal entries are in italics

Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight.

I undid the string that bound the two journals together, picking up the smaller of the two, Esme's journal. The first page was dated 'June 29th 1921' I flicked though a few pages, the entries were short and often unfinished. It didn't seem like Esme, so I assumed she must of been a newborn when she started writing it. A short attention span, easily distracted.

I flicked back to the start and began reading.

June 29th 1921

Dr Cullen gave me one of his journals and told me to write what I'm thinking. I don't know what I'm thinking, I don't know anything anymore.

That was all that was in the first entry, the next one was was dated over two and a half months later.

August 19th 1921

I didn't think I'd ever be able to feel the way I do about Carlisle Cullen, but every day it gets stronger, like an invisible force pulling me towards him. My human life may still be a blur, but I could never forget my first encounter with Dr Cullen, the way my heart fluttered when he came close and the way I would shiver when he touched me. Back then I'd brushed it off as stupid teenage crush, that and his exceptionally cold hands.

I'd been sixteen...But here I was a decade later, and by some amazing twist of fate I had encountered him again. He hadn't changed a bit, hadn't aged a second. Now I'm twenty six, physically three years older and those feelings hadn't changed, the only difference being that my heart is incapable of fluttering every time he comes close and his hands are the same cool temperature as my own.

I smirked, I'd always thought of Esme as being a calm and influential member of the family, but here she was completely smitten with Dr Cullen.

From her entries I realised that she and Carlisle had met before, while she was still human. She'd lost her mate, only to find him again years later. Things had been a lot tougher on Alice, but maybe she would benefit from reading some of Esme's thoughts and feelings, maybe she was feeling some of them herself.

I wasn't sure if I was still comfortable reading what was essentially Esme's diary, a woman's diary. I closed it and placed it to the side before picking the bigger of the two and opening it to the first page.

The writing changed to what I recognised as Carlisle's. It was dated 'March 21st 1921.' I was more hesitant about reading Carlisle's journal, I guess he was my coven leader now, that meant I had to live under his roof and abide by his rules, I couldn't believe how much I'd gotten away with so far, how much he'd put up with. My evasive and sometimes harsh behaviour had always gotten me into trouble, yet he'd let me and Alice leave twice without question

I looked back down and the remaining journal, they had given them to me to read, perhaps Carlisle's would hold some answers

March 21st 1921

Esme Anne Platt, I never thought I'd see her again. That young sixteen year old girl that I'd been so drawn to 10 years previously, now lying in the midst of fire and torture in my living room no less. In just under three days she'd be like me, immortal.

After Edward, I'd swore to never change another, but to see her lying in the morgue, so close to death, listening as her heart beat grew weaker by the second. I reacted before I could form clear thoughts. Changing her in the morgue was reckless and stupid, anyone could of heard her screams, but even now I can't bring myself to regret it.

Even now I can't put my finger on what made me change her, why would I subject another innocent life, her life, to this torturous eternity?

Uncertainty, confusion, snap decisions. All things I'd gone through when I first met Alice, perhaps there was more to this journal than I first thought.

I flicked through the journal, skimming quickly over each entry until one in particular stood out

October 26th 1921

I'd been on this earth for centuries, I'd been though Volturi convictions and major surgery but this was the first time I'd been at a loss at what to do.

Esme, so beautiful and loving, all she asks is to be loved in return. I just don't know how. She is fragile at the best of times, always worried and anxious. Edward always seems to be able to comfort her, and I wish it could do the same.

Edward can hold her, talk to her, and she talks back and clings closer. It isn't awkward of them. The trouble is the closer I get to her, the closer I want to be, and it scares me. I've never wanted to be this close to anyone and I still don't understand why I want it now. I've never felt what I feel towards Esme, I don't know what it means or how to deal with it

I want Esme to think she can come to me if she needs anything but how can she when I'm just as confused with myself as she is

The more I read the more I found I had in common with Dr Carlisle Cullen, I spent nearly an hour just thumbing though the pages of his journal, reading odd lines and finding new pieces of information. Carlisle was actually a really interesting person, he'd done so much, been to so many places.

He'd explain that even Edward didn't understand his actions or thoughts, but I did, every single one of them.


I could feel the faint traces of emotion at the edge of my gift so was aware that Alice would be returning any second. I packed everything up, placing the journals carefully back into the inside pocket, and picked up the phone thing.

It buzzed and lit up in my hand, I jumped and dropped it on the ground, a hiss passing my lips. I heard a gasp and looked up towards the noise

Alice came though the trees then "what's gotten you so worked up?" She looked down to where the strange device had fallen and the air filled with her tinkling laugh "aww did I miss Jasper's first encounter with technology?"

I picked the thing up between two of my fingers and held it up, examining it closely. "What is it?" I asked.

She took it from me and pressed a few of the buttons and turned it towards me. "It's a cell phone" she laughed. It flashed in my face and I turned my head away. "Where did you find it?"

I pointed to the bag "Esme put it in there" she turned it around so I could see the front. There was a picture of myself lit up on it, I looked shocked to say the least. "How did you do that" I leaned closer and took the 'cell phone' back off her and turned it around in my hand. How had my picture gotten into a cell phone?!

She laughed at me. "Your technology innocence is cute"

Alice POV

I had to pry the cell phone from Jasper's hand eventually, I put it inside my bag to keep it safe "spoil sport" he muttered, rubbing his neck. I smirked at him and returned to his side. "How was your shopping trip?" He asked.

I gasped and pulled my momentarily forgotten purchases towards me "it was wonderful! There were so many beautiful things, but none of them were appropriate for the forest. I got us some clothes, not the most elegant things I've ever seen but I guess they'll do" I rambled, I pulled out another bag. "I bought you some books" I tried make it sound like a passing comment, but I really wanted to see if he liked them.

He looked at me then down at the bag, pulling the books out one by one. There were thee, he piled them up, looking closely at each one before placing it on top of the other "Thank you" he said quietly. There was a strange look on his face. I could only guess that he'd never received a present before.

"You're the one that has to carry them" I joked lightly. He smiled slightly and looked down "what's wrong?" I asked finally "don't you like them?"

"No!" He said quickly "it's not that, it's just I'll never be able to get you anything in return. You, the Cullen's, y'all give me so much and I won't ever be able to pay you back"

"Jasper stop" I placed my bags down and took both of his hands "Yes, a big portion of the Cullen's income comes from Carlisle's job, but most of it is from me" I laughed "Stock markets, Casinos, they don't know what hit them"

He scoffed. "Still, it's your money"

I rolled my eyes "And lord knows I've waited long enough to spend it on you." I squeezed his hands "You don't ask for much Jazz, a few books, some nice emotions and your perfectly happy." I picked up one and handed it to him. "Will you read to me?" I asked softly.

He nodded and sat back, I settled myself against his side as he turned to the first page. I wasn't at all interested in what the book had to say, but I was delighted to hear that he slipped back into old southern accent when he read about the civil war.

I closed my eyes, feeling his deep voice rumble in his chest and let his velvet tones wash over me.


It was about a half hour later I felt Jasper start to... Fidget, almost. He was restless. He never stopped reading but every so often I saw his eyes skim the surrounding quickly before turning back to the page. I was about to ask him was was troubling him when he stopped reading altogether, he sat up straight and tense. "Jasper?" I questioned.

"Quiet" he snapped. I pulled away, still unsure what was wrong, or what had caused him to speak to me that way. The wind blew softly into our faces and Jasper scented it.

His expression hardened and he jumped up and started throwing some of our things into our bags. He zipped them up and threw them over his shoulder. "We're leaving" he said under his breath.

He grabbed my arm and started to drag me away. I turned back, our tent still stood in the middle of the clearing "What about..."

"Leave it!" He hissed pulling harder, I could feel his fingers digging into my marble skin. I whimpered in pain, only to be pulled into a vision seconds later.

Nomads, two of them, and they'd be right on top of us in seconds.

"Move" Jasper shouted, pushing me now, and finally I gained enough sense to start running. Jasper grabbed my hand and pulled me faster.

I heard the faint thud of feet hitting the floor and that's when the growling started. Feral and wild. Jasper pulled me so fast that my feet barely touched the floor. I could feel the fear coursing through him, stronger with every step. The trees closed in, getting thicker with each passing second, making it harder to run, slowing us down.

I felt someone pull violently at my free arm, and I lost my grip on Jasper's hand. I screamed and was lifted into the air. Arms like steal cables restricting the top half of my body. I kicked out at whoever had their arms wrapped around my middle, trying to get free.

I heard another growl and both me and my captor were forced to the floor. The nomad yelped in pain and started to struggle long enough for Jasper to pull me up and cradle me against his shoulder. I could feel the growls rumbling in his chest as he ran, ducking under trees, trying to pick up speed. The bags kept falling from his shoulder as he tried to carry both them and me and it was pulling him off balance.

I ripped the bag open, grabbing the blanket that I'd wrapped my sketchbooks and journal in and snapping the straps that were pulling at his shoulder. The bag fell to the floor and I watched it until I saw the nomads jump over it, on our tail again. "There still chasing us" I whimpered.

Jasper was fast, he kept running but with the added weight of me and our final bag the nomads were closing in on us. When I looked up one of them were missing "Jasper" I started to warn him, and was startled when he came to an abrupt halt, a vicious growl ripping through his throat. "Get back" he snapped.

The nomads surrounded us on both sides, and Jasper's head swung back and forth between the two as the got closer. He pushed me onto his back so I jammed my books between us and clung to his shoulders.

I could feel fear coursing though him, so strong that very almost moved away from him, but just as I started to loosen my grip he pulled on my thighs, drawing me closer. He growled again, louder this time, crouching down ready to attack. The fear increased and I watched the nomads steps falter

Jasper lunged forward and one of the nomads backed away. I felt the fear increase again and the nomad ran off leaving just the one facing us "your in our territory!" He snarled, stalking closer. Jasper lunged forward again but the nomad didn't move, that's when I was pushed into a vision.

Jasper had chosen to fight him.

Moments later I was thrown to the floor with the bag landing on top of me. There was the crash of marble on marble and fierce growls and snarls from both sides. "Jasper" the cry came unbidden from my lips, I didn't want to lose him again. He turned towards me for a split second but it was long enough for the nomad to bury his teeth into his shoulder.

I screamed, frozen in fear.

Jasper's elbow came back to hit the nomads face and he pushed him to the floor, jamming his shoulders into the ground. The nomads growls turned to helpless cries and Jasper bit into his neck, tearing the head from the body.

Jasper scrambled up and reached into his pocket, he pulled out a lighter, lit it and threw it onto the nomad which erupted into flames

Still growling, Jasper walked over and took the bag and threw it over his shoulder. He picked up the blanket that held my sketchbooks and handed it to me gingerly before helping me up. He only used the one arm, he held the other awkwardly against his chest.

Jasper didn't look back, just kept walking, and I followed him


I let him continue in his silence until I noticed his steps begin to falter ever so slightly. We were about fifty miles out now, I didn't see the need to keep moving. "Jasper" I said in concern. He slowed just enough to sync his steps with mine. "Jasper, stop" I lifted a hand to place it on his forearm but he flinched away. At least now he was standing still "Let me take the venom out of that" I pointed to his shoulder.

He backed away from me "No" he mumbled. I frowned and he continued walking, his steps faltering even more than before. I watched him closely until I saw his knees buckle and I zipped forward to catch him as he fell back.

My hand accidentally pressed against the bite on his shoulder and he yelped in pain. I repositioned them and lowered him to the floor. "Lie down" I chided gently. I could feel all kinds of emotions running over the surface of his skin. It was like when I stressed him out two weeks ago, only much more intense.

I sat behind him and lowered his head into my lap. His whole body was tense and he was shaking violently. I watched in horror as he cried out, his back arching off the floor in pain. I didn't want to risk touching his shoulders again so pressed against his chest in an attempt to keep him still

I could feel everything he felt racing through me but I was far too worried to act on it. I stroked the side of his face gently, staying well away from his neck, and whispered reassurances to him


Eventually he relaxed, laying his cheek against my thigh and closing his eyes, mentally exhausted. As much as it pained me to disturb him I knew it was necessary. I pushed on his back gently to sit him up "Please let me take the venom out." I practically begged, seeing him in pain again was agonising.

He grumbled in disapproval but didn't move away from me this time. I knelt behind him, it was then came to the realisation that to get to the bite I'd have to either rip his last shirt ... or undress him.

I knew he'd be uncomfortable with both options, but he may as well have a shirt to put back on right?

I shuffled over to face him and reached hesitantly for the buttons on his shirt. His good arm swung out and grasped both my hands in one of his own. He growled, not threateningly, just to tell me he didn't like what I was doing "I either take it off or I'll have to rip it, then you won't have a shirt at all" I reasoned.

His grip loosened but he still didn't let go, he looked away from me. "I've seen you without a shirt in visions" I lied, the truth was I'd never seen such thing, but maybe that would be enough to ease his nerves "I know what you look like" A half lie, I knew I'd like what I saw, that was what I worried about.

Finally he let go and I resumed reaching for the buttons and undoing them one by one. It wasn't until I reached the waistband of his jeans that I lost my composure slightly, wondering what would happen if I went just that little bit further...

I closed my eyes tightly and moved my hands back up to his collar tugging the sides of his shirt open. I tried not to look, I really did, but my eyes betrayed me. He was gorgeous. My fingers itched to touch him, to feel his skin against mine.

I was horrified to find myself rubbing my thighs together in want, I definitely hadn't felt anything like that in a long time. I used to have visions of heavy make out sessions that left me dizzy with need, but that was nothing compared to this, and I wasn't even touching him. I decided it was probably safer for me to move behind him before I did something rash. I took a deep breath to try and clear the lustful fog from my mind

I went to pull the sleeve from his good arm, it was only then that my eyes caught his. He was watching me, a look of confusion in his eyes. My breath shook, I'd forgotten he could feel it. It was a stupid thing to forget really. There was something else though his eyes were dark, breathing heavy. What on earth was happening?

I finished taking off his shirt, being extra careful with his injured arm and lay it on the floor beside me. It was dumb to think that being behind him would make this any easier. The sharp lines of muscle in his shoulders, the line of his spine right down to where his jeans hung on his hips.

I tried to break myself from my staring. I was going to have to touch him, move closer, I was going to have to press my mouth against his skin for crying out loud. I really should have thought this through.

I felt terrible, here he was hurting, waiting for me while I took my own sweet time checking him out. I tried to focus on him now, not just the way he looked.

The constant moving had stopped the wound healing over so I placed one hand on his opposite shoulder and the other against his ribs and shuffled closer. "You ready?" I checked, cringing when my voice came out husky.

He just nodded so I lowered my head, placed my mouth over the wound and started to suck out the venom. He cried out and went tense and his cries soon turned to whimpers. It hurt to hear him in pain but I knew it would be better to get the venom out. It was bitter and disgusting so I spat it out onto the grass before starting again, repeating the action until the wound tasted clean, the whimpers stopped and he relaxed again

The bite would scar regardless of how much venom I extracted. My venom wouldn't hurt as much as the nomads, since I wasn't producing it for an attack. I licked his shoulder to seal the wound and was stunned to hear his breathing hitch and watch him shiver at the contact

My eyes widened. "Finished" I whispered.

AN- What would a trip be without a bit of sexual tension?

What did you think? Did you like the journal entries, should I do some more? it actually got me thinking about doing and Esme and Carlisle story based on them.

Anyway as for the next update, I really don't know. Half term is next week so I might be able to do so writing then and I officially leave school on Friday for study leave so I might have more time, I might not. The only thing I know for certain is that my exams finish on the 20th of June.

Please Review!

-B x