Hey guys!

So has anyone else heard this rumor that Clare is pregnant with Drew's baby? Like, what is happening in that writer's room?

I feel like for this to be true the conversation would have had to have gone something like this:

Writer A: "Hey guys, I have an idea, let's just ruin everything that Eclare has ever done."

Writer B: "Everything?"

Writer A: "Everything."

Writer B: "Yeah, that's good. Put that in the show."

Writers: *mumbled agreeance because what the fuck else are they supposed to do at this point?*

Fandom: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

So, I guess we'll see how it plays out in this finale. But, if this happens...ugh! Like seriously, a Clew baby? Degrassi, you're drunk go home.

And now, FanFiction where Clare is pregnant with a different baby :)

Enjoy!

Whatever. It. Takes.

~JuliaGoldsworthy.


"Let's go to sleep with clearer heads
and hearts too big to fit our beds
And maybe we won't feel so alone
before we turn to stone."

-Turn to Stone.

-Ingrid Michaelson.


The week leading up to my doctor's appointment was horrible. It was actually horrible. After the fight between Adam and the niner at school, people were constantly asking me about my baby. No one asked me if it was true anymore, they just assumed it was.

They also assumed they could just ask me about it. What was I going to name it? Is it a boy or girl? When was I due? So many questions that I didn't want to answer. I had been trying to train myself to tune them out but I hadn't been successful yet. I hoped I would be soon. I didn't know how much longer I could take it.

I still hadn't told Eli everything that was going on. Every time I saw him all I wanted to do was talk to him. I wanted to hear about his day and get my mind off of things but he was always tired. I would see him for a few hours and then he would leave again only so my thoughts could return to the many questions kids at school had been asking me. I'm going to keep it right? Is it Eli's? Were we getting married?

The questions followed me. I hoped today I could get away from them.

I was on my way to my doctor's appointment with CeCe. Eli had told her that he hadn't been able to get the day off work and she offered to come with me. I was glad to have the company and I was glad that it was her. I still wished that Eli would have been able to make it but if that wasn't an option I was happy that this was.

Ordinarily, it would have been a good day but without Eli here, I wasn't exactly enthused.

CeCe remained peppy though. She kept smiling and asking me about how I was feeling. I told her I was fine and, generally, I was. There wasn't anything particularly wrong, I had just been upset recently. I figured it had a lot to do with hormones. I don't think Eli getting another job would have bothered me this much if I wasn't pregnant. But since I was, that changed things.

She was also very excited about finding out the gender and I felt bad that I wasn't as eager as she was. She kept saying things like 'today's the day' and 'I've always pictured you with a girl' and I would nod and try to smile. She was satisfied but I still felt guilty.

We entered the office and the wait was only a few minutes long. I was called back in nearly no time and Dr. Williams came in to meet with me.

"So, Clare, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine." I said.

"That's good. Will Eli be joining us today?" she asked. I was half surprised that she remembered his name but I figured she didn't have many young couples come in together.

"No." I shook my head. "Not today."

"Why is that?" she asked with suggestion in her voice. She sounded like she expected me to say that he had decided to bail.

"He just had to work. He'll be here next time, hopefully." I said.

"Great." she said, eying CeCe. "Is this your mother?"

"Sort of." I smiled. "This is Eli's mom, CeCe."

"Oh," she smiled. "I'm Dr. Williams." she said, shaking CeCe's hand.

"Nice to meet you." CeCe smiled.

"So, are you ready to find out the gender, Grandma?" Dr. Williams asked.

CeCe looked taken aback hearing the word 'Grandma' directed towards her. She certainly didn't look it with her eyeliner, teased hair and leather leggings but she didn't seem bothered. Just surprised.

"Definitely. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to be called Grandma. We might have to come up with something else." she said.

Dr. Williams laughed. "Usually, we should be able to tell at eighteen weeks, especially if it's a girl. So since Clare is at nineteen, we'll see if we can find out today. For right now, let's start out with some general health questions Clare." she said.

"Okay." I agreed.

"Rate your mood on a scale from one to ten, ten being the best."

"Eight." I lied as she marked. She asked me these questions before at my other two visits and I pretty much knew what to expect.

"Rate you stress level on a scale of one to ten, ten being a healthy amount of stress."

"Seven." I thought I saw her glance at CeCe but it was so quick I must've imagined it.

"How regularly do you have mood swings?"

"Every so often." I lied.

"How often do you feel anxious?"

"Seldom." I lied.

"Have you any trouble using the rest room since your last visit?"

"No."

"Have you had any spotting or bleeding since your last visit?'

"No."

"Have you felt any unexplained pains since your last visit?"

"No."

"Have you felt any funny flipping or movement in your stomach since your last visit?"

"No, should I?" I asked.

"If you do soon, it wouldn't be unusual. If you don't by twenty-two weeks then come back and see me."

I nodded.

"Alright, let's get started with your ultrasound."

I leaned back on the table and lifted my shirt up. After she spread the gel out on my belly she used her mouse-like tool to look around.

"Alright, there's your baby, Clare." she said, pointing to the screen. "Everything looks good."

And there it was. Much bigger than the last time I had seen it. I should have been ecstatic. I should have cried. I should have done something to show that I was thankful that my baby was safe and healthy but I didn't. I felt unmotivated and like I just wanted this day over with.

She went on to talk about the different parts of me and my child but I couldn't bring myself to listen. I felt tired and out of it but I tried to put on an attentive face.

"Clare," Dr. Williams said, finally getting my attention. I looked up at her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, just tired I guess. I stayed up sort of late last night." Her eyes looked from mine and up to where CeCe was. I looked over at her but she just smiled at me with encouragement.

"Hopefully you're not making a habit of that." Dr. Williams said.

"Of course not." I lied. I'd stayed up every night for the past week.

If I wasn't waiting for Eli to get home in hopes of seeing him for a few minutes then it was because I was too upset to sleep. I'm sure Eli thought I was in and out of bed all night to get sick or use the bathroom but really it was so I could run the faucet while I cried so I didn't have to choke down my tears.

Right now, I didn't want to focus on being sad. I just wanted to know if I was having a boy or girl.

"You know, it's very important to get plenty of rest while you're pregnant Clare."

"I know." I said. I really just wanted to find out the sex and leave. I didn't want to be here anymore. The room felt small and hot and even though I should've been loving seeing my child, I wasn't.

"Not only for your baby but also for you."

"Right." I said. I really just wanted to find out the gender. That's the whole reason I even scheduled the appointment.

"You have to worry about your health just as much as the baby's because-"

"Can I just-" I interrupted and I could tell she was surprised I'd done so. "Find out the sex, please? That's really all I came here for. I don't need lectured on my sleeping schedule."

She looked at me for a moment before speaking. "I don't think we're going to be able to tell today Clare. Maybe come back in a week or two after a few more things develop an we'll take another look."

I should've been saddened that I wouldn't be able to find out but now I was annoyed that I'd made the trip at all. I was mad that I had to lay with goo all over me just to find out that the entire appointment was a bust. This was pointless.

"So can I go now?"

She handed me a few wipes for my stomach. "Sit up for me." she said. I wiped away the gel, pulled my shirt down and sat up so I could look her in the eyes.

She smiled at me with sympathetic eyes that I didn't want. "What?" I asked.

"Clare, I'm going to put you on an anti-depressant."

I was convinced I hadn't heard her right. I shook my head. "A what?"

"Anti-depressants." she said. "They help-"

"I'm not stupid I know what they are."

"Clare," CeCe warned from behind me.

"I'm just confused as to why I need to be on them. I'm not depressed."

"Depression is more common than you would think during pregnancy. Post-partum depression is also very common." she said.

"Yeah, but I'm not depressed." I refused.

"Your symptoms say otherwise." she said.

"Symptoms?" I asked.

"You said that you experience mood swings every so often yet you've been rather moody during this appointment and while I know that ultrasounds can be very stressful-"

"I'm pregnant." I said. "Aren't I supposed to be moody?'

"Yes, but you're usually very excited to see your baby and today, aside for your anger, you also seemed very disconnected and uninterested. These are all warning signs."

"Warning signs." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.

She glanced at CeCe again and I was starting to get annoyed by it. "I get the feeling you weren't very honest when I asked you those questions earlier either." she said.

Didn't people lie to doctors all the time? Why was mine so determined to make me tell the truth?

"I'll ask you the questions again but this time it's very important to tell me the truth okay?" I leaned back and shrugged. All I wanted to do was leave and it seemed like she was set on keeping me here for as long as possible.

"Rate your mood on a scale from one to ten, ten being the best."

"Eight," I said like I had before. I was being stubborn and I was positive I could make her believe me.

"Rate you stress level on a scale from one to ten, ten being a healthy amount of stress."

"Seven." I repeated.

She leaned back in her chair, looking disappointed. "You need to tell me the truth." she said.

"I am." My voice was stern.

"If you don't tell me the truth and I put you on the wrong medication do you realize how harmful that could be to you? Do you realize how badly that could effect your baby?" I looked up at her. "Clare, please. Just be honest with me."

I realized that I had to be smarter than my stubbornness. "Okay."

"Rate your mood on a scale from one to ten, ten being the best."

I thought about CeCe who was behind me and I wondered if I could convince her later not to tell Eli what I was about tell tell Dr. Williams. "Three to four."

She nodded and marked on her clipboard. "Rate your stress level on a scale from one to ten, ten being a healthy amount of stress."

I felt a lump in my throat. I didn't like having to open up like this. Having to think about all the things that I constantly was worrying about made me stress by itself. "A two," I said. "Three on a good day."

"How regularly do you experience mood swings?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Often." I hoped that CeCe would keep this appointment between us and the doctor. "I cry a lot at night if that makes a difference."

"How often do you feel anxious?"

I thought about how on edge I had been with this Becky stuff. Not to mention the anxiety I had been having over the questions I faced at school. "Often." I repeated.

"Have you any trouble using the rest room since your last visit?"

"No."

"Have you had any spotting or bleeding since your last visit?"

"No."

"Have you felt any unexplained pains since your last visit?"

"No."

"Have you felt any funny flipping or movement in your stomach since your last visit?"

"No."

She looked up at me. "Right now, it looks like an anti-depressant would be the best thing for you and the baby. I'll write a prescription you can go and get filled today."

I looked at CeCe who nodded at me. "Okay." Dr. Williams scribbled on a pad of paper.

"It's very important that you get these pills and take them everyday until at least the end of your pregnancy and then we'll do some blood work and figure out if you still need them. Okay?" I nodded. "I'm not trying to lecture you when I tell you these things, Clare. I'm just trying to find the best interest for you and the baby."

"I know." I nodded. "Thank you."

"Of course." she stood up and started to walk out of the room.

I stopped her. "Dr. Williams." I said and she turned. "If I take these pills, will the baby be okay?"

She nodded with a smile. "Your baby is going to be just fine Ms. Edwards."

"So, today, when you said everything looked normal. You weren't lying were you? To make me feel better?"

She shook her head. "I would never lie to you. Especially to make you feel better." she laughed. "Your baby if just fine Clare. You're doing great."


We had gathered out things and were ready to leave when Dr. Williams walked back in the room.

"Oh, you're still here, I was hoping I could catch you two before you left." her face was mostly emotionless.

I glanced at CeCe. Her face told me that she was thinking the same thing I was.

Dr. Williams said that everything was okay. But what if she had read the wrong test results. Or after further examination they found something unsafe with the baby. This sick false sense of safety and security would destroy me. I couldn't bear to think about it anymore.

I dragged myself out of my head and focused on Dr. Williams.

"After, taking a closer glance at your ultrasound," she started, flipping through some papers. My heart started beating in my throat and I felt like I might collapse. "We found that we could identify the sex of your baby." she smiled.

I relaxed slowly. It was a relief to hear that everything was still perfectly fine, but I had sort of ruled out finding out today after she said she couldn't tell.

"I can tell you if it's a boy or girl if you would like." said Dr. Williams.

"Clare," CeCe said from beside me.

My eyes teared up. I didn't know what I wanted now. I thought I wanted to know as soon as possible.

I looked back at the doctor. "I think I'll wait. For today at least."

"Okay," she nodded. "You can call during office hours if you change your mind or I could let you know during your next ultrasound. Of course it's always okay for it to be a surprise too. Plenty of parents think that's the way to go."

I nodded. "Thank you."

"Sure," she smiled. "I think you and Eli will be very happy when you find out."

Exactly, I thought, when me and Eli find out.


I went over to Alli's to pick up the homework I'd missed from school that day. She's said that Becky had asked her where I was and if skipping school was going to become one of my new habits. I had missed a lot of school lately, but I hoped now that wouldn't happen so often.

After Alli's I went and got my prescription filled. They handed me the white bag with the name of the pharmacy on it and I carried it out to my car. Once I got home I pulled it out an read over the instructions. It seemed pretty simple. I went to put them on top of the fridge, where we kept all of the pills.

As I placed my orange bottle on the top next to Eli's, I noticed that his looked almost just as full as mine did.

At first I didn't think about it. It was early on in the month. Maybe he had it filled last week or he got more than one bottle at the time, though I doubted they would let him do that.

I turned away for a moment but turned back. Without looking at the bottle too closely, I grabbed it from the fridge.

Even though I shouldn't have been snooping, Eli was my fiance`. Wasn't this my business too? Shouldn't I make sure he was healthy?

Or maybe not. Even if something was wrong, I would be happier not knowing. If I didn't know I wouldn't have to worry. I'm sure everything was fine anyways.

However, I suppose I would rather worry and know then be happy and have Eli be in danger.

After a deep breath, I opened his bottle and spilled some of the pills into my hand.

There was no way he could have been taking these everyday and still have this many.

I poured the pills back into the bottle and closed the cap.

I tried to bring myself to look at the label to see if he got it filled for this month or last but I couldn't.

I held it to my chest.

It was impossible. He was over this. He was more responsible. He knew how to handle his medication without having to be monitored. He was an adult. He could take care of himself. He was taking care of himself like he was supposed to be doing.

I lifted the bottle up so I could see the date printed on it.

My eyes swelled up with tears and my heart dropped.

It was last month's bottle.

Last month's pills.

He hadn't been taking them.


I knew Clare had been upset when she told me she would text me when she found out what the baby was. Maybe she had decided not to tell me that way. I certainly would have liked to hear it with her but since I couldn't I wondered how she would tell me.

Surely she wouldn't just tell me when I walked in the door. I'm almost positive she wouldn't say, "Oh yeah, Eli, we're having a son." casually when I got home.

She would be clever with it. Like, I would get home and she would be chewing pink bubble gum and she would blow bubbles until I caught on. Or many she would dress in all blue and I would know it was a boy. Or maybe she would hide hints around the house until I put all the clues together. That seemed like something Clare would do.

But even if she did just tell me casually, if there were no games or colors, I would be just as excited.

I sped home from work so I would have more time to celebrate with her. Normally at this time, I felt tired and worn out but tonight I felt like I could run a marathon. All the adrenaline, all the hype of this moment, how everything would seem real like Clare said it would, I couldn't wait.

I took a deep breath outside our door before I turned the knob. Everything would be real.

I opened the door. I thought I might find Clare on the couch with her baby name book or waiting for me by the doorway so she wouldn't have to wait even a second to tell me. However, when I got into the apartment she wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"Clare?" I called. "Clare, where are you?"

She didn't answer.

I made sure she wasn't asleep on the couch or in the bedroom. She wasn't in the bathroom either. The whole apartment was dark.

"Clare?" I called again.

I turned to walk back into the living room when I heard a noise from the kitchen.

I walked slowly towards the light switch. "Clare?" I asked before flipping it on.

She was sitting at the table, her hair disheveled and in her eyes, she looked like she had something in her hands. Somehow, I still though this could play out and be some game she playing to tell me. I quickly figured out it wasn't.

"Clare, are you okay?" I asked, she didn't move.

I sat across from her, trying to give her space. "What's wrong?" I asked.

I suddenly got very concerned. I'd called my mom today after I hadn't heard from Clare and she said that Clare had news. CeCe also said that she thought Clare should tell me herself. It never cross my mind that things could have gone badly today at the doctor's office.

"Clare, what's going on? What happened at the doctor's office today?"

She looked up at me. Her cheeks were puffy and her makeup was smeared down her face. "The doctor's office." she said, emotionless. She was rotating whatever was in her hands.

"What happened?" I was starting to worry and I hadn't taken my pill today. I didn't know how I would react if she told me that something went wrong but I knew I was sick of waiting to hear how things went.

She sniffed and cleared her throat. "I got put on anti-depressants." she said.

I was confused. She had been tired a lot but that's just because she was pregnant. If she was moody or upset I just figured it was hormones. "But you're not depressed." I said.

She raised an eyebrow but otherwise stayed unmoving. She was silent for what felt like an eternity.

"I just wish you would've told me." she said.

She wasn't making any sense. "Tell you what?' I asked.

She looked up at me and cocked her head to the side. Her eyes didn't leave mine and she raised her voice as she spoke. "That I could've just been taking the pills that you weren't."

She threw item in her hands furiously at me and I trapped it against my chest. I looked at it and realized that it was my bottle of pills.

I looked up at her and she looked like she might break if I spoke too loudly. "Clare, I-"

She shook her head and got up. "Don't."


Eli's busted, Clare's upset, everything's happening! I know, it's been a long time coming. Review this! Please :) If you thought this chapter was intense then wait until the next one because, I won't lie, it's sort of crazy but it was so fun to write.

Let me know what you thought, what you think Eli and Clare's baby should be named and what you think the gender should be. I have a few names I'm leaning towards, and I'll let you know what those are next chapter but if someone gives me an amazing name that could totally change my mind :)

Okay. The next chapter will be up on Tuesday and I have about three chapters of another story written but depending on how this finale goes and what happens, I don't know if I'll end up posting it or not. So CH 28 will be up before it airs and then my other story might go up after it airs. It just depends. So yeah :)

Thanks for reading!

Whatever. It. Takes.

~JuliaGoldsworthy.