Special thanks to Imogen74 for all her help! :)

Chapter Twenty-nine

Loki was waiting for Jane on his bed when she emerged from his bathroom. She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, socks, and her hair was wet. She paused mid-stride, a brush in hand and just looked at him. "Hey," she said.

"Can we talk about what happened down there?" Loki asked.

She sighed. "I don't really want to."

"You disapprove."

"Loki, you chose Crane to be your partner. You chose him because he was malleable and already embezzling money. You blackmailed him and dragged him into your schemes. You had to know then that he was a drug addict before you even began."

"I did. But he wasn't as bad as he is now. He's gotten worse and I suspect it's the fact that he has – had – money. Money that he is now blowing and probably racking up debts that I might not be able to pay off. Debts to people that could cost me my own life. And now that he's running his mouth off? He's out of hand and he's going to get himself killed—"

"But at least you won't be the one doing it!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not the one that will be doing it. Your uncle will. Or Drax more likely."

Jane just stood there, flabbergasted.

"Jane, where is this coming from? You know what your uncle does. You know his life." He cocked his head to the side. "You didn't do something so silly as romanticize it, did you? Convince yourself that maybe he didn't do all the things a mobster needs to do to survive? Did you tell yourself it was someone else doing them and not actually him?"

"Don't condescend to me," she snapped. "Or so help me I will fling this brush at your head." She held it up, a daring look on her face.

Loki held up his hands. "Jane."

"It's the cavalier way you talked about it. It wasn't so much him as it was you. You just so casually offered Crane up like some sacrificial lamb. You put more blood on my uncle's hands because of your fuck-up. Crane is an idiot and he's a loose cannon, but you're the one that chose him, you're the one that blackmailed him into your schemes and now that he's causing trouble for you, you're just willing to have him done in."

Loki sighed and dropped his hands. He looked down at the floor. "What was it you said yesterday? About how my moral compass has never quite pointed North?"

"It's not even in the vicinity of North. I'm not even sure it's even on a compass at all."

"I can't apologize for who I am. Is it not enough that I'm giving it all up for you?"

Jane pursed her lips together. "Can you? I mean, sure you're willing to hand it all over now but is it something you really want to do? I don't want to be the reason you go against your natural inclinations. Can someone – can you – really go against your nature that much?"

Loki said. "You're saying my nature is to become a mobster?"

"I'm saying your nature is not like most people's. I do think people are attracted to certain lifestyles, that they have certain…proclivities. I don't think my uncle could ever do anything else than what he does and his immersion in this life for so long has pretty much guaranteed that. He doesn't look at the world the way other people do. You don't either. You're like…the bad seed."

"Jesus Christ, Jane!" Loki exclaimed.

She rubbed her forehead and sighed. "I'm not explaining it properly—"

"You think?" He was angry. "I'd like to remind you that you didn't have a problem last night when you were in my bed. You didn't have a problem when you were helping me piece my life together and all signs pointed to this 'lifestyle' as you put it. You liked me better when I had amnesia because I was fragile – a little lost puppy dog that needed you to save me. Now that I have my memories back and you see as I am, you don't like me so much anymore. This is who I am, Jane. I'm not fucking perfect. Yes, I am willing to have Crane killed because I am not willing to die for him and his mistakes—"

"Which are also yours!" she shouted.

"Then so be it! I don't care, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I don't care what happens to him, Jane. Can you accept that? Can you accept me?"

"I don't have an answer for you," she murmured.

"More than likely not one I want to hear anyway."

"I think we need a breather. I'm gonna go now…"

Loki stood there, tension coiled throughout every inch of his body while Jane packed up her things, put on her socks and shoes, and walked down the stairs. She left without another word and though Loki wanted to go after her, wanted to drag her back in his arms, he also knew that he couldn't.

Jane had to accept all of him if they were going to work.

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About an hour after leaving Loki, Jane ended up at the two-story house Peter and Gamora shared just outside of Boston. Peter, she knew, was at the gun shop, but Gamora often worked from home. What she did for work Jane wasn't clear on, but she hadn't had much interaction with Gamora over the years. Only the few times Jane had seen her at the gun shop visiting Peter while he was working. Other than that, Gamora was just the codename to get information to her uncle about how she was doing.

That was probably why when the dark-haired beauty saw Jane she looked surprised. Shocked even. Then worried. "Nothing is wrong," Jane said as soon as Gamora opened the door. "I promise."

Gamora placed a hand over her heart and breathed out a sigh of relief. "I don't often see you, Jane. So when I did…"

"I know, I'm sorry. I would have called if I had your number…I just actually wanted to talk to you if you don't mind?"

Gamora stepped aside and gestured for her to enter. "Come in, come in."

Jane was hit the scent of food cooking as she inhaled deeply. "Whatever you have cooking smells really good!"

"It's a meal Peter tossed in the crockpot before he left for work this morning. He knows I hate to cook," Gamora explained and led Jane into the sunlit kitchen.

Jane looked around. It was small, but quaint and her gaze lingered over the pictures that adorned the walls – some of Gamora and Peter, even a few of Uncle Erik and the guys. Jane's smile fell. All these people that got to be around her uncle when she didn't. It rather hurt. Her uncle had done everything he could to protect her, but at what price? To have a family she couldn't even acknowledge and claim?

"Would you like something to drink?" Gamora asked.

"Uh, coffee? Coffee would be great."

Gamora smiled. "Keurig coffee okay?"

"The best. Thanks."

"Have a seat."

Jane sat down at the small table for two in the kitchen and her gaze once again strayed to the pictures on the wall. How would her life been different had her uncle been around? Had she been able to be in his presence? Would she have become a Mafia Princess? Would she be dead?

"What can I do for you?" Gamora asked as she set about preparing the Keurig.

"Relationships. Well, your relationship with Peter," Jane said.

Gamora arched a brow and leaned back against the counter while the Keurig warmed up. "What do you mean exactly?"

"Did you know about Peter's…lifestyle before you got together?" Jane asked.

"And by lifestyle I assume you mean his business with your uncle."

"Yes."

"I didn't. He told me when we realized we were quite serious about each other."

Jane nodded. "And how did you take the news?"

"I was a little freaked out at first, I won't lie," Gamora said. She placed a blue mug under the Keurig and pushed the lever down.

"What happened?"

"I broke up with him for about a month," Gamora admitted with a grin. "I didn't think I could do it. Worrying about him and all that. Then I kept thinking about what would happen if we decided to get married and have kids – would we all be in danger? Was I putting my life on the line? The life of my future kids?"

"What made you decide to not only go back to him but to then marry him?"

Gamora grabbed the blue mug and placed it in front of Jane and then sat down. Jane brought the mug to her mouth, inhaled the bitter scent of coffee and then sipped it.

"Easy," Gamora said. "I loved him."

Jane sat back. "That's it. You loved him and that was it? You ceased to worry?"

Gamora shook her head. "Oh, no honey. I worry every day."

"Is it bearable?"

Gamora sighed. "Sometimes. But I stay because I love him and I can't imagine a life without him."

"What about knowing that sometimes he has to do things…"

"Things like kill people?" Gamora prompted.

Jane nodded.

Gamora sat back and frowned slightly, staring off. "I…I guess I am able to separate that Peter from my Peter."

"But how do you know that Peter won't seep into the life you have with him?"

Gamora studied Jane closely. "Jane, honey, why don't you tell me what's wrong. Peter told me about some guy…Loki? That he's in some kind of trouble?"

"I think he's the very definition of trouble," Jane muttered.

Gamora laughed. "Is he now? That also sounds like Peter."

"No, he's not…Peter is…Peter is such a goofball. I mean, I know he has to do some serious stuff for my uncle, but you would never guess that he has this whole other side and this whole other life that is not on the up and up. With Loki though…you know that he's up to no good just by looking at him."

"Is he seven kinds of crazy?"

"Possibly twenty kinds. And he's not shy about it. He's a schemer. He's manipulative and he's done terrible things to me and his brother – his entire family and—"

"And yet you want him."

Jane didn't reply, but then she didn't have to.

"Do you love him, Jane?"

"I think I'm headed that way, but I just – I mean – can I be with someone that I know has that side? What's to say he won't turn on me one day when he gets tired of me? Or what if he regrets giving up the business that he so carefully planned and plotted out because he realizes that I'm not worth giving all that up for? Can he really go against his nature? Can I ask him to?" Jane shook her head and buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."

"It sounds like you want me to tell you it's okay to be with him."

Jane dropped her hands and looked at Gamora. "Yes. I want you to look into a crystal ball and tell me everything is going to be sunshine and lollipops. I've seen firsthand the sorts of things Loki is capable of and then today being so callous about someone's life…" She pursed her lips together. "I've been on the receiving end of his horribleness. When he decides he's done with me—"

"If, Jane. If."

"Can I just start from the beginning? Tell you everything?"

Gamora smiled. "Sure."

Jane started from when she'd first met Loki, and all that had happened – leaving a few mobster-related things out – and when she was finished, she looked to Gamora for help. For guidance. It wasn't as if she could talk to Darcy or Bruce about any of this.

"I tell you what I got from all of that," Gamora said when Jane was finished. "You're still hurting from what Thor did. Loki is…obsessive. Sounds like he's had a lot of rage, but it also sounds as though you have helped him temper some of it. And it still sounds like you want me to tell you what to do. Jane, life is about making choices and taking risks. It also has a lot of gray. Not everything is black and white. On paper Loki sounds like he could be a psychopath, but how does he treat you?"

"Like a Queen."

"Things might not always be perfect, but isn't it better to have—"

"If you're about to say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, I might take this knife on the table and stab myself with it."

Gamora laughed and then leaned forward in all seriousness. "I can't tell you whether or not you should give Loki a chance. I can't tell you to accept the fact that he has a dark side but he will change for the better and for forever for you. I can't make guarantees because—"

"Because there's no guarantees in life, right?"

Gamora sighed. "Yes."

Jane nodded and looked away. She knew she probably irritated the other woman, but she sort of didn't care. She wasn't in the mood for clichés. She just wanted clarity. "But Peter has a dark side, right?" she finally said as though they were in the middle of a conversation. "I mean, he has to right? Please don't say that everyone does."

"He does. Like you said, he has to, to be able to do what he does for your uncle."

"Some are just more prominent than others," Jane murmured. She stood. "I'm sorry I disturbed you and just showed up like this."

Gamora looked up at her. "Do you know what you're going to do?"

"Nope. Not at all. Maybe I just need some time to process."

"I think so."

"Thanks. Um, I'll see you later."

"Good luck."

Jane snorted. "Yeah, I'm gonna fucking need it."

Once outside, Jane stuffed her hands in her hoodie and heaved a deep sigh. She could hail a cab or she could walk. She decided to walk. The air would do her good; probably help clear her head. She was frustrated considering her visit with Gamora had yielded no answers whatsoever. All Jane had wanted was for someone to tell her what to do. Why couldn't Gamora have just done that? And then of course whipped out that crystal ball and told her that they would be very happy and Loki wouldn't backslide into some evil rage monster that wanted to destroy everyone around him? Was she stifling him though by asking him not to destroy everyone around him? She snorted and rolled her eyes at herself.

It was just this thing with Crane. How dismissive he'd been about sending him to his death. It was Loki that had snared Crane into his whole scheme to begin with. Crane most likely would have been caught embezzling money at some point all on his own and gone to jail. Maybe even gotten killed there, but it wouldn't have been Loki who had sent Crane to his death. And it wouldn't have been because Loki had just wanted someone to rope into his plans because they were "malleable".

It wasn't settling well with her and she just wanted it to because fucking goddammit she wanted Loki.