Matt walked for a long time. He didn't stop until he had walked at least several miles, and he was too tired to walk anymore. That was when Matt sat at a nearby bench, and started to cry. How could he have let that happen to him? More importantly, why did he freak out like he did, especially with Tim? He was just trying to help. Matt felt awful, and what was worse, he ended up getting himself lost.
So there Matt was, sitting on a random bench, crying his eyes out, lost, at almost 4 in the morning on the day before graduation. That thought just made Matt even more upset, and he started to hyperventilate harder. He had been up for nearly 24 hours, had walked miles, hadn't had any pot (or food, for that matter,) in almost two days, and the stressful event from before was too much for him, and he ended up passing out from the sheer exhaustion.
When Matt woke up, the sun was out. He checked his phone to see the time (which was 7:30) and saw that he had several missed calls and texts from both Tim and Alfred. He didn't bother checking his voicemail, but he checked his texts. There were a string of worried messages from Alfred, who said things like, 'I'm sorry, really. We worked it out, now answer your phone.' 'Bro, I love you, answer your phone. I'm sorry.' 'We're worried, Mattie.' Tim's were a little bit longer, a little more heartfelt. 'Schatje, I love you. Please, come back to the car.' 'I'm taking Alfred to my house. We worked it out, see? Please come home.' 'I took Alfred to school, but I'm not going to work. I won't risk you being alone when you come back. Come home, I love you.' 'Matt, please, I'm so worried.' 'It's been two hours, Matt, answer your fucking phone.' The last text the both of them had sent was received about a half hour ago, and it was identical from the both of them. We're going to call the cops if you don't answer.
The last thing Matt wanted was the cops on him. He wasn't doing anything illegal, anyways. He opened up his contacts and let his finger linger over Tim's name. Should he call him back and tell him he was okay? No, Matt didn't think he was ready to face his boyfriend yet. And he definitely wasn't ready to face Alfred. So Matt flipped down to Lukas's contact, and called his number. It took a few rings before Lukas answered, and for a moment, Matt was scared he wasn't going to. However, the call went through.
"Matt, it's 7:30 and I'm hungover. What do you want?" Lukas answered grumpily. Matt took a deep breath, preparing what he would say mentally so he wouldn't trip over his words. His anxiety was still bad. "I, uh, I fucked up. Oh god, Lukas, I fucked up. I need you to come get me." Matt said, his voice shaking. He heard Lukas groan as he got out of bed, and he heard a sleepy Mathias in the background telling him to go back to sleep. "I'm on my way. Where are you?" Lukas asked. Matt looked around, and remembered how lost he was. "I- I don't know. I sort of ran off in a hurry last night and slept on a bench. I think I'm in a park." Matt said, and Lukas made a noise of understanding. "I've been in your place before. See if you can find someone and ask them. I'll stay on the line."
Matt walked around the park for a good 5 minutes before he found a jogger with a small dog. Though he never really liked confronting people, he decided he would have to do so if he wanted to get out, and he approached her. "Uh, ma'am? I'm a bit lost, can you tell me where I am?" Matt asked her nervously. "You're in Pond Creek Park. Are you okay? You look a little rough, do you need me to get you some help?" She asked him, her eyes filled with worry. "No! That's fine, thank you though. I've just had a rough night, someone is coming to get me." Matt told her, and, with a nod, she started to jog again.
"I'm in Pond Creek Park, do you know where that is?" Matt asked Lukas. "I think so. That's a way off from Brookshire, how did you manage to end up there?" Lukas asked, and Matt let out a long groan. "It's a long story, I'll tell you when you pick me up." Lukas made a short noise of approval and Matt heard his car start. There was a moment of silence before Lukas spoke up again. "I typed it into my GPS. It's 45 minutes away, can you handle being there alone until I get there?" Lukas asked. "Yeah, I'll be fine." Matt had already been alone in the park for at least 3 hours already, if anything bad was going to happen to him, it would have already happened.
Matt found the parking lot of the park, and he waited. Lukas didn't say much for the 45 minutes or so he was driving, but Matt didn't expect him to. Lukas was a quiet guy, and at least he was picking him up. He pulled into the parking lot almost exactly 45 minutes after he told Matt he was leaving. Matt was thankful for that, he didn't want to wait there any longer than he had to. Matt jumped into the Norwegian's car as soon as it had stopped. "Thank you so much for getting me, and sorry for being such a burden so early in the morning." Matt apologized.
"It's fine. You sounded really shaken up over the phone. What happened?" Lukas asked, pulling out of the parking lot. "Oh, fuck. Where do I even start?" Matt asked, and let his head fall back on the headrest. "From wherever you feel comfortable starting. Where do you want me to take you?" Lukas asked. "Can… Can I just come home with you?" Matt felt bad about asking Lukas if he could freeload for the day, but he didn't have anywhere else to go just then. "I have class at 9:30, you'll be spending the day with Mathias." Lukas said. Matt nodded. "It's okay, I just need a place to think." Matt said with a shrug. Lukas let out a breath from his nose, the closest thing to a laugh Lukas ever did. "Good luck with that. You know how Mathias is." Matt assured Lukas that it was fine.
A few minutes went by in silence before Lukas spoke up again. "So, tell me what happened." Lukas pressed the issue again. Matt let out a sigh. "My brother found out about me being gay a few days ago. He told my dad and he kicked me out." Matt said, and Lukas turned to him and gave him an incredulous look. "You've been in that park for a few days and you just called me today?" Lukas had a hint of well-meaning anger in his voice. "No! I was staying with my boyfriend, which is where the real issue starts." Matt said. "So that asshole kicked you out? I'll skip Biostatistics today, we're going to curse him." Lukas's voice was even angrier now.
"No! No, I left. We had a fight, I got mad, and wandered around until I passed out in that park." Matt said, not wanting to get involved in any black magic that day. "Well, what was the fight over?" Lukas asked. "Well, my brother got arrested, and I made Tim, my boyfriend, come with me to bail him out. And Tim… he doesn't like Alfred, especially not since Alfred told Dad and sort of beat me up." Lukas gave Matt another look, but didn't say anything. "So the two of them started fighting in the car, and I got dragged into it. And I just, I freaked out. I told them they had no right to fight over me and I ran off. And now they're worried sick about me, I haven't been answering their calls or anything… oh god, I had really no right to leave like that…" Matt said, feeling his anxiety starting again. "Hey, don't get worked up. They shouldn't have fought like that, it was petty. When we get to the apartment you can let them know you're okay." Lukas said, and Matt didn't say anything after that. He looked out the window and tried not to let his anxiety eat him up too much.
Before too long, the two had reached Lukas's apartment. Before Lukas went to class, he asked if Matt wanted him to contact Tim for him. Matt thought for a second, and shook his head. Tim would probably be mad, and he would yell at Matt for running off, which would just make Matt feel worse about what had happened. No, he would call him later. He told that to Lukas, and Lukas accepted that. The two sat in silence for a little while.
"Thanks, Lukas. For letting me chill here. You're a really great friend." Matt said, breaking the silence. He really was grateful, his other options (staying in the park, or going back to Tim's) weren't as appealing as sleeping and thinking and hanging out with Mathias for a few hours. "Don't mention it. I'm going to be off to class, do you need anything?" Lukas asked as he searched for his class supplies scattered around his messy living room. "Uh, it would be great if you could forge me a doctor's note, say something like, I had a dental surgery? I'm not allowed to walk at graduation if I have unexcused absences." Matt asked. He promised Tim that he would be walking at graduation, and after everything that had happened, he intended to keep the promise. "You want me to break the law and forge you a note?" Lukas asked seriously, and Matt was almost worried he wouldn't do it before he cracked a smile and chuckled softly. "You bet your ass I will. I'll give it to you when I'm done with my classes today."
And then Lukas left. Relieved to have at least that out of the way, Matt laid back on the couch, and let out a long sigh. He really had fucked up. Tim was probably furious, not to mention Alfred. Matt had gone missing like this before. When he missed 2 weeks of school due to anxiety last year, Matt disappeared for nearly 4 days. He didn't remember much about those 4 days, his anxiety was so bad that he was nearly blackout. His sense of time was shot, and at some point he passed out. He woke up at home, in his bed, with his wrists slashed deep, bandages wrapped haphazardly around them. Alfred was beside him, eyes tinged red. Matt remembered when he fully came to, Alfred was more angry than Matt had ever seen him, even angrier than when he found out that Matt was with Tim. Alfred was angry at himself, for letting it happen, and he probably felt the same way now.
Worse than that, Alfred probably told Tim. Tim, who lost his father to suicide, probably thought he had now lost his boyfriend to it too. Matt hadn't answered any of his texts or calls, Lukas was the only one who knew where he was. "God, I'm terrible." Matt said to himself, and let his head fall against the arm of the couch with a thunk. "It's okay, Matt. I think you're cool." Mathias called as he walked into the living room, making Matt jump. "Oh, hey, Mathias. I thought you would be asleep." Matt said. "I just can't sleep in an empty bed. I'm always up early when Lukas has class." Mathias hummed, grabbing a cup of coffee.
Mathias drank his coffee for a while, before he put it down and looked at Matt. "Matt? Quick question. Why are you here?" Mathias asked. "Boyfriend-slash-family drama." Matt didn't think he had told Mathias he was gay before, but it wasn't like staying in the closet mattered anymore. "Mmm. I definitely understand that." Mathias said, plopping down at Matt's feet at the end of the table. They sat around quietly for a moment; Matt knew Mathias wasn't a morning person. But, after a while, Matt decided to ask a question that had been burning in his head for a while.
"Hey, Mathias?" Matt asked. "Hmm?" "Do you have any weed?" Matt wasn't too proud to admit that he was addicted, and at the moment, all he wanted to do was get stoned. "Pft, I always have weed." Mathias laughed, and Matt laughed too. "Yeah. I guess the real question is, do you have any good weed?" Matt asked again, giving Mathias a sly smile. Mathias's jaw dropped in an act of false shock. "Are you implying my weed isn't good?" Mathias asked, and Matt laughed again. "I'm implying that it's mostly stems and seeds." Mathias just laughed, and stood up. He left the room for a moment, then came back with a baggy full of pot. "Lukas is the one who buys the drugs in this household, take it up with him. I told him to stick with pills, but, he doesn't listen to me." Mathias said as he rolled a joint for the two of them. "I would smoke literal grass at this point, just give me a hit." Matt pouted and reached for the joint. "Nope, roller gets first hit. Wait your turn." Mathias licked the joint closed and lit it, savoring the first hit… Which he proceeded to cough up. "Okay, yeah, I'll admit, I have shitty weed. But hey, a toke is a toke." Mathias said, passing the joint to Matt. Matt laughed in agreement, and took his hit.
And the two got stoned together. They talked about idle things of little importance for a while, and Matt actually ate for the first time in a few days, before finally passing out on the couch, before he really even had time to enjoy his high, but he didn't really care. He was tired, he needed sleep. And this time, he actually slept decently, for more than just a couple hours. He didn't wake up until he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket several hours later.
Disoriented from sleep and the last vestiges of his high, it took Matt a moment to get his phone out of his pocket. When he did get it out, before checking who was calling, he checked the time. To his sleepy, high mind, that was more important to him. It was 4 PM; and Matt had actually gotten a good 6 hours of sleep in, and he felt much better, and was much more prepared to face whoever was calling him. Which was a good thing, because there were probably only two people who could possibly be calling him.
It ended up being Alfred. After making a quick mental decision, Matt answered the phone. "Matt? Oh, thank god you finally answered! We've been worried sick- where the hell have you been?" Alfred was yelling. Matt didn't like yelling, it was what got them into the situation in the first place. "I've been asleep. I went to Lukas's. I'm fine." Matt said, his voice still slurred from sleep. "You were asleep. You couldn't let your brother know where you were before you passed out, Sleeping Fucking Beauty?" Matt had hit the nail right on the head; Alfred was pissed. "Sorry, I was mad. I was cooling off." Matt said. "I remember what happened last time you cooled off, I won't let that happen to you again-" Alfred said, and it sounded like the phone was being yanked out of his hands. "Matt?" It was Tim. His voice sounded full of relief. "H-hey, Tim."
"Are you going to come home?" Tim asked, and Matt didn't know if the question shocked him or not. He knew Tim would ask something like that, and he had prepared an answer, but that was hours ago. Matt knew he would say yes, but the words wouldn't come out. "Schatje?" Tim prompted when Matt didn't answer. "Uh, yeah. Yeah. When Lukas gets back from class he'll bring me home." Matt stuttered out. "I can come get you now." Tim said, almost immediately. Matt really didn't want that. It wasn't that he didn't want to go with Tim, but he didn't know if he was ready to come back just then. "No, no. Lukas is getting me a doctor's excuse, so I can still go to graduation. I need to wait for him to come back to give it to me." Matt said. He came to Lukas's apartment to think, and he hadn't really done much thinking. "I can tell Hedervary that we were looking at art schools. She likes you, she'll let you graduate. Alfred told me they don't even really enforce that rule."
Tim didn't sound good. Matt just noticed that when he started actually talking. He sounded tired, and upset, and almost like he had been crying. "No, Lukas is basically breaking the law to forge me this note, I can't just bail on him." Matt said. "Okay." Tim's voice wavered. "Tim, are you okay?" Matt asked softly. Tim laughed on the other side of the phone nervously. "Me? I'm fine." "You don't sound fine… Is it because of me?" Matt asked. He honestly felt bad about making Tim feel bad. Tim took a deep breath on the other line. "I just, I thought I had lost you." Oh.
"Did… did Alfred tell you anything?" Matt asked nervously. Knowing Tim's feelings about suicide, he didn't want Tim to ever know he had actually attempted it. "He told me that last time you disappeared he found you four days later with your wrists slashed at the playground in Brookshire." Oh, so that's where he found me. Matt thought to himself before realizing he needed to say something to assure Tim that he was okay. "This isn't like last time. I promise, I'm okay. I just needed to cool down and it got a bit out of hand, but I'm fine. I-I'll come home as soon as Lukas gets back." Matt said, and Tim breathed a slight sigh of relief. "Thank you."
"Tim? I still love you. Nothing has changed, we just had a stupid fight. You know that right?" Matt asked. He didn't Tim to think anything had changed. "Yeah. I know, I love you too." Tim said. Matt took a deep breath. "I'll probably get there around 5:30. If that's okay." Matt said, and Tim hummed. "Yeah, that's fine." "I'll see you then, I guess." The couple said their goodbyes, and Matt hung up the phone. Soon afterwards, Lukas came home, and gave Matt his forged note.
"Lukas? Could you drop me off somewhere?" Matt asked after Lukas had put his class supplies away and lit cigarette. "I see you're ready to get back to your lover?" Lukas smirked, and Matt laughed nervously. "I don't really have a choice. I'm graduating tomorrow. I've got to get back in town." Matt said. Lukas handed his cigarette to Matt for him to take a drag. "I'll wake up and drive you if you want to crash here for tonight." Lukas said, and Matt took a drag of the cigarette and shook his head. "I told Tim I'll be back. I can't just lie to him." Matt handed the cigarette back to Lukas. "Why? I lie to Mathias all the time." Lukas joked, and Matt forced a laugh. "Go ahead and get in the car, I'll drive you to town." Lukas said, and with that, Matt was headed straight back into the uncertainty of his everyday life.
