Being Dysfunctional Has Never Been So Much Fun
Short #29: And the mome raths outgrabe
"Double word score! That's sixteen points to me, Bern!~"
Bernkastel and Lambdadelta were seated at a white table in some nondescript corner of the meta world. Lambda's head was resting in her hands, elbows on the table-top, bright red eyes staring, unblinkingly, at Bernkastel- just like a bird who had caught sight of a nice, juicy insect to gobble up. Bernkastel, meanwhile, stared back at Lambdadelta, completely undaunted. Bernkastel might have been looking at a common garden vegetable for all the interest she showed in her opponent.
It was strange to think that these two powerful witches could become so ensconced in a simple game of scrabble.
Then again, they took everything very, very seriously. There was a huge punishment game riding on this. The winner got to layer the loser with melted chocolate and then lick it off slowly, lick after agonizing liiiick, so the loser's skin blistered and burnt and their skin peeled away with each stroke of the tongue.
Neither wanted to lose under these circumstances- and it gave the simple game a more... interesting twist.
That was how witches' entertained themselves, after all.
Bernkastel's gaze fell to the board, scrutinizing the word Lambda had just put down. Lambdadelta had already scribbled her new, improved score on a piece of paper- "yay! I'm winning~"- but Bernkastel wasn't quite prepared to accept that move.
"Lambdadelta."
"Hmn? What is it?" asked Lambda. She giggled. "Are you sad 'cause you're looo~sing, Beeeeern?~ Are you mentally prepared for your hot, painful, blistering, chocolatey death? 'Cause, if you're really scaaaared about it, maybe I'll be a little nicer to yooou. I'll stick bits of kompeito candy in your beautiful eyes so you don't need to see my humiliating you with my toooongue- how does that sound? Aren't I nice! Oh ho ho ho!~"
"...That sounds wonderful," said Bernkastel coldly, "but please do not speak as though you have won yet. I am merely… confused."
Lambda smirked. "You? Confused? Oh ho ho! That's a new one! What's wroooong?"
Bernkastel looked at the scrabble board set out before them for a few moments.
Then, she folded her arms.
Her voice was crisp and clear when she said, "You appear to be under the impression 'mome' is a word in the English dictionary. It's not."
"Huh?" Lambda pouted. "Of course it is! Lewis Carroll! 'And the mome raths outgrabe!' Everybody knows that poem!"
"It's a poem constructed of nonsense words. They're not in the English dictionary. They're not in any dictionary."
"Yes they are! You just can't stand that you're losing! Stop taking away my victory, Beeeeernn! I know you're desperate to be turned into delicious food for me really- I can teeeell!~ Why don't you just surrender to your fate like a good girl, huh?"
Bernkastel sighed.
"... ...Fine. I'll accept your move."
"Yay!~ I love you Bern!~"
"Ah, don't love me just yet. I haven't finished." An eerie smirk split across her face; emerging from her earlier blankness so suddenly it was a little disconcerting, even to Lambdadelta. "Honestly, Lambda. If you're going to cheat, why do it for sixteen points? You should do these things with a touch of style- otherwise, I might get bored. You're so naïve. See. Watch me."
With that, Bernkastel picked up the letter blocks before her and began to arrange on the board, until she didn't have a single one left.
"There. I've used all my letters, so that's a fifty point bonus, and I've landed on two double word scores and a triple. That's four hundred and twenty-two points to me. I do believe I am the victor."
Lambda's eyes widened.
Her mouth fell open.
"Y-you can't do that!"
"Why not? If you're allowed to cheat, I believe I'm perfectly entitled to."
"A-at least my word was actually used in a real, famous poem! In what planet does 'qwertyflerp' exist, anyway?"
