Entry 29
"W-why?"
"I-I don't know, but it says to not open any mail or new papers until you speak with Dumbledore."
I sat on the bed. "Something bad has happened, hasn't it?"
Melanie started rubbing my back, "We don't know that for sure…."
Charlotte said that we should all go to bed so we can get up earlier to find out.
The dread in my stomach rose.
**the next day**
It was the worst nights sleep in my entire life. I think I maybe got in an hour of sleep. I kept staring at the letter from Petunia. I wanted to read it. I wanted to know. If only Dumbledore had known about the big Halloween party and that I would have been awake at 3 in the morning, he could have just sent one later.
By 6 am I could not wait any longer. I pulled on jeans and a tee shirt. I had to bring a close friend. I knew that if I attempted to get Charlotte up right now she would attempt to kill me. So I pulled Melanie out of bed. She mumbled a little but then snapped into gear.
I almost sprinted to Dumbledore office.
"Kit Kat." I said for the password.
"Muggle?" Melanie questioned. I could barely nod my head yes. My stomach was churning. I almost couldn't breathe. I stepped into his office, idly wondering if I would have to go and wake him up.
But no, he was sitting at his desk. He looked completely exhausted. His eyes were red, his white hair hurriedly thrown in a long train behind him. He looked at me and gave me a small smile.
"I half expected you to come when I sent the note."
"I um…was asleep."
"Not at the Marauder Ball?" his twinkle was back in his eyes for a moment.
"Oh, um…"
"It's alright, I'm the one who convinces Minerva to let them throw it."
"Why am I here?" I said outright, in a disrespectful tone.
"You should sit down." I sat down, my hands were shaking.
"Lily, last night Voldemort attacked again." I nodded. Why would he make me come up here to tell me that?
"He attacked 23 non magic people." Again, that's horrible, but why would he send me up here to tell me this?
"I fought back with him tonight, before more damage could be done. But he did get away." Why would Petunia write me a letter? Why couldn't I read a newspaper?
"He is becoming stronger as the days pass by, but I have begun to take measures against him…."
You could tell that he was beginning to talk to himself not to us, his exhaustion weighing on him.
"Dumbledore." Melanie said with causation.
"Right, I apologize." He said up a little and reached across the table to my shaking hands.
"Lily, out of those 23 people that died last night, there were many brave ones. Good people who deserved to be honored and always remembered."
My parents.
"Are my parents ok?" I said desperately. Why hadn't I thought of that before?
"Your parents Lily—" His eyes filled with tears. "They were one of the brave last night."
My world fell.
"W-what? No, they…they're….no, no, Dumbledore you got it wrong!"
"I'm so sorry Lily."
"My parents are ok! I saw them 3 months ago! They—they can be. You liar!"
"No, Lily, I'm sorry. Your parents are gone. A death Eater murdered them in front of my own eyes. I tried to stop them, I did. But no one has ever stopped the killing curse…" His rambling swam over me in both our exhaustion. I curled up in a little ball, sobbing hysterically. My thoughts were a whirlwind. They couldn't be dead.
My dad, my dad bought me all my Barbie dolls when I was little. Who worked all his life to let me be able to do anything I wanted. Who took me big girl clothes shopping when I turned 'a whole hand.'
My mum. The woman who nursed me back to health when I was sick, or let me play hooky when I was faking it. Who made me write home about James and always asked if he had charmed yet. Who forced me to go shopping. My mum.
Another sob broke out when I remembered all the times I had yelled at them. Or I wished them to go away. I wanted them to come out of the fireplace and hug me. Tell me if was all some joke. Sobs ripped through me like hurricanes, threatening to take me over.
"Lily…honey…" Melanies' warm hands took mine. "You love your parents. And if you love them, they never truly leave you. Love is all that matters. And Voldemort will pay for what he has done, but right now you must accept what has happened and grieve."
I nodded, still sobbing. I didn't think I would ever stop.
Dumbledore offered, "You may go to the hospital wing if you would like, or go back to your dormitory. Whatever you prefer. You, of course, has as much time off of school as you wish. I believe your Sister has written you. She told me she was going to taking care of all the…funeral….arrangements. You of course can have all the time you need to go back home to attend that, along with friends if you need them, and to go through the home. I truly am sorry Lily."
My sobs never stopped.
I somehow made it back to my dormitory.
***sometime later that night***
I had not gotten from the bed yet. I assume Melanie has told Charlotte. They both brought up breakfast and lunch for me. So I suppose breakfast is not done with yet.
I haven't stopped crying yet. Every time I catch a breath, another memory hits me and I start sobbing all over again. My parents were such good people. How am I going to live? Whose going to pay for Hogwarts? Where will I go on summer holiday? Why them? Why? Why? Why?
***sometime later then the last entry***
I opened fucking Petunias' letter.
Fuck her.
Her I'll copy the fucking thing down for you.
Dear Lily,
I assumed you know by now. Our parents are dead. Do you know why they're dead? Because of you. You and your stupid, filthy, magic. I hate you. I blame you.
The funeral will be November 3. I expect you to be there, then to come to the house so we can take our half's. Not that you deserve any of there things. After November 3, I never want to see you again. Don't ever talk to me, write to me, look at me.
I am to go move in with Vermin, he has proposed. I don't care where you go, just don't ever come to me.
You are no longer my sister, you are just a freak.
-Petunia.
***sometime during dinner***
I was pacing in my room, folding clothes. I don't know why I was folding clothes. But it was something to do with my hands.
There was a knock on the door. I mumbled a 'come in.'
"I brought you dinner." Said a manly voice.
I turned around quickly, "James! How did you—"
"I'm a marauder Lily." He sat down a tray of what looked like comfort food. I looked like hell, I was surprised he didn't take off running and screaming. But instead he came towards me and enveloped me, squeezing me hard in a hug." His scent burned into me.
"James…"I began to sob again. I couldn't stop. All I did was grab on to him, desperately. And he held back just as tight. This is what I needed. I needed to be held as I sobbed. He rubbed my back and whispered sweet nothings into my ear. When I had finally stopped sobbing, god knows how long he had been holding me, he kissed my forehead. I looked up at him and saw tears running down his face as well. He grabbed both my cheeks in a hard grasp and whispered in a husky tone fill with emotion. "I am so sorry Lily."
I tried hard not to start crying again and sat on the bed, looking at the food. He sat next to me. He saw Petunias letter. "You can read it."
He read while I started to pick at the mashed potatoes. When he was done, his hands turned into fists, and his breathing became elaborated. "Lily look at me."
I looked up at his hazel eyes.
"It was not your fault. You are not a freak. You do not need her. And you will never be alone. You are my Lily Flower."
I began crying all over again.
Somehow we ended up laying on my bed, face to face, holding each other.
My head was resting on his arm, his other hand on my waist. My hands rested on his chest. He was so warm and his scent smelt just like home. I was for the first time in 24 hours, resting and peaceful.
"Will you go with me to the…" I couldn't say funeral, so instead, "on November 3rd?" His hand on my waist moved to my face as he answered.
"Of course I will. Do you want Charlotte and Melanie to come too?" I nodded.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this. I-I cant…I just—" Sobs started to choke me again.
"Sshhh, love. Charlotte and Melanie and me will be there to help you as much as we can. If you want the rest of the marauders to come too they will."
I nodded again, snuggling closer.
I noticed he had a watch and for the first time that day I saw what time it was.
"Its nine o'clock!" He smiled and nodded. "But, where is everyone?"
"I told them to let me have some alone time with you."
"How did you get up here?"
"I talked to Dumbledore."
I snuggled in closer. "Thanks."
"For what?" He tucked my head under his chin. It felt so good to be held.
"For being here."
"Of course I'm here." He leaned in closer, kissing my head. "I love you, Lily. You know that, right? Whatever you need, whenever you need it. I'm here. Even if you never love me back. I'm yours."
"I-I cant, right now, I'm—"
"Take as long as you need. Just know that I'm not going anywhere." He took my hand and kissed my palm. "Try to sleep now, love."
"Ok…." My eyes began to shut. I yawned into his shirt. I fell asleep almost immediately.
I vaguely remember, what could have been hours later, him leaving my arms. He tucked me under the comforter and kissed my forehead whispering his love as he stroked my cheek.
"Stay."
"What?"
I reached my hand toward him and he grasped it. "Please?"
He groaned in frustration, "Lily I want to so badly but…"
"You said whatever I need, whenever I need it, and I need you to hold me tonight." I said looking up at him through my eye lashes. Tears threatening to fall once more.
"Lils—"
"You're a marauder you can get away with it."
"Ok, just let me go downstairs and tell Sirius to cover for me, and I'll be back to hold you."
"Alright…" I closed my eyes again, my fatigue drowning me into sleep.
I awoke to feeling two arms wrap around my body. My back was to James, we were spooning.
He butterfly kissed my neck, speaking into my skin, "Goodnight my Lily Flower."
Thank you for reading! This story is about to take some crazy twists, ones that I've been wanting to write for a while.
Review =)
Love,
Jenna
