Chapter Twenty-Nine
It was almost surreal how easily both Franks and Paulson caved once they had been taken into interrogation rooms. Each man seemed to seek an out through placing the blame on the men who had already been killed, laying themselves in the situation as mere observers, but she knew better. The original statement from Kearns indicated that the group of men who had attacked him and his wife had all had equal participation in the devastation that was that day in the former professor's life.
On one hand, she completely understood their suspect, understood his motive and reasoning and would have been happy to let this one go with a shrug at the symbolic justice that Kearns had been seeking. It was, however, easily overshadowed by visions of the destruction that had come in the wake of that motivation. He may have intended only to seek justice for his wife's brutal murder, but he had gone so far down the path that he had reached a point where he was willing to end his life and any lives around him regardless of who they might be.
The memories of tiny bodies at an Italian bistro were enough to wipe away any understandably honest intent that Kearns may have started with. He was a threat still, and there was no telling how big of one until they tried to rope him in. If he was aware there were no more suspects from his wife's murder running free on the streets would he pack up his quest for justice and go back to the class room or would his need for vengeance only lead to more vigilante slayings and the potential destruction they had faced so many times on this day.
She couldn't be certain, none of them could. Regardless of her own personal feelings of identifying with the man for wanting closer and his own sense of rightful justice, she couldn't let him walk for the brutality he had inflicted in his quest for revenge. More so, she didn't want to. This man had tormented and tortured her every day for weeks on end and she couldn't put the images out of her mind even if she could see the logic in his response to his apparent disgust with the inner workings of the legal system.
Mind firmly convinced in her actions being right, not just for now, but for a potentially volatile future, Kate glanced to Caste where he sat in his normal chair beside her desk. He was regarding her with a reassuring smile as if he knew the conflicted series of emotions lancing through her and that moment of silent communication was enough to have her straightening in her own chair as she reached for the phone.
Somehow, Beckett wasn't surprised in the least when the line rang four times and she was greeted by the soft sound of a female voice informing them that she and her husband were unable to make it to the phone and she should leave a message. The happiness that was clear in the woman's voice squeezed at Kate's chest as she considered all that Kearns had lost in that one evening. Doubts on her ability to follow through were fleeting as the woman's picture from her murder file was quickly replaced in her mind with the lifeless eyes of her partner, Ryan, Esposito and that small child's burnt teddy bear too far away to be clutched in the kid's cold lifeless hands.
"This is Detective Kate Beckett of the NYPD. We have arrested two suspects in the murder of your wife and would appreciate if you contact us to set up a time to go through a line-up to positively ID the men in custody." She rattled off her phone number and the location of the precinct, reminding the man of her name again and then hung up the phone before turning back to Rick. "Now, we wait." She remarked and he nodded before standing and making his way towards the break room.
She could see the delicate manner he adjusted his movements to save having to strain the gash at his side, but his eyes seemed clear of pain and full of comfort and understanding. "I'm thinking we need some coffee." He remarked and she could do nothing but smile as she rose to follow him.
"Yeah," she remarked as they stepped into the break room to start prepping their caffeine infusion, "We didn't really get to drink those ones this morning."
Castle's eyes lit with heat and she realized that he was think of before they'd left his loft, "As I recall, someone was pretty intent on making us late to everything this morning."
His tone had dropped to a slightly deeper tone that she was familiar with after so many days spent so intensely with him. Heat simmered along her skin at the implication in his aroused voice and the light in his eyes that spoke of his desire to return the favor on her at the first opportunity. "Work now. Play later." She replied, unsure when that breathy quality had seeped into her voice.
He finished their coffee, rarely moving his heated gaze off of her and when he pressed her cup into her hand he let his own fingers linger to brush along her knuckles lightly, trapping her gaze with his and her breath in her lungs. "I'm going to hold you to that." He replied, finally letting his fingers fall away as a wicked smile spilled across his features, "I'm holding you to a lot more than that." He finished and then strode from the room as if his presence and his words had not completely knocked the air from her lungs.
Kate's phone began to ring in her pocket and she shifted the cup in her hands to pull it free, wondering if Kearns had made up his mind already. "Beckett." She answered.
"Girl, you better have a damn good reason why I'm hearing all sorts of stories about your and Writer Boy from Javi and not straight out of your mouth." Lanie opened, her lack of greeting standard, but the anger covering a hint of hurt was enough to have Beckett wincing in realization.
Taking a card from Castle and playing the day as if it wasn't just going to start again when she woke up, Beckett realized she could use a good conversation with her friend. "We've been a little wrapped up today and I'm waiting on a call after baiting our suspect, so if you want to chat about it face to face, you're going to have to meet me here, otherwise it needs to wait until after work."
"Nuh uh, you aren't getting away with this over the phone. Let me wrap up I'll be there in thirty minutes." With that Lanie hung up and left Beckett alone formulating her thoughts.
Trying to figure out what she'd say to her friend took a back burner as she approached her desk to find the Ryan and Esposito had joined Castle there and appeared to be waiting on her for an update. She filled them in on what little they had, but shot down the idea of going to try and make personal contact with Kearns. Kate had seen, too often, how that ended up and maybe she'd consider it next time they went through this day, but this time she refused the suggestion outright.
They were still without word from Kearns when the elevator opened and Lanie stepped out, her stride purposeful, but a hint of amusement laced her features and Kate felt a bit of relief at that expression. She could handle Laney in a good mood, but she was so far from being ready for her friend in her no-nonsense interrogation mode. Despite her relief, she managed what she hoped was a sufficiently threatening glare in Esposito's direction. If the look of his reaction was anything to go by, the expression had hit its mark. The man knew she was aware of his wagging tongue having put her in hot water with the medical examiner and he at least had the decency to cringe at the implied threat of her gaze.
It didn't take long for her friend to have her cornered in a small meeting room down the hall, but for once Kate actually felt like playing along. She wanted to practice how these conversations would go once they made it to Wednesday. It had taken weeks to master how she told Alexis, so she wasn't optimistic about hitting this one out of the park on the first attempt. Still, with a little practice, she'd have it down well enough that once Wednesday arrived she'd know just how to deal with it.
"Spill." was Lanie's lone word command as soon as the door had latched behind them.
Kate gestured to the small table as she lowered herself into one of the chairs. There was a tense moment of her being observed as if Lanie expected that the move was some form of distraction tactic or a way to stall, but Beckett didn't waver under the scrutiny. After that long silent moment, Lanie finally pulled out a chair near enough to carefully observe the nuances of Kate's expression. She was probably thinking she'd have to drag the information out of her or that she'd have to deal with half-truths and evasiveness.
Beckett shouldn't have been surprised, knowing that the ME knew her better than anybody, or better than most anyway. After this experience, Castle was probably far more intricately twined with her than Lanie and not just because they'd gotten physical. She watched her friend waiting, not so patiently, for an answer and just when she was sure Lanie was going to push, Kate finally started, "I've been having these dreams."
When she stopped there, Lanie's brow quirked up, her mouth tilting on one side as if she were humored, "Naughty dreams?" she teased.
Normally, that comment probably would have coaxed at least a smile from the detective, but at the moment she was thinking about all the things she had seen for so many consecutive days. She was looking back on it as if it were a dream and trying to remember how the Beckett of Monday would have approached something like this. She almost didn't remember who she was before Tuesday anymore, so wrapped up in this day that it was like everything else had faded.
She must have winced or otherwise displayed the direction of her thoughts, because Lanie's good humor quickly faded. "Kate," her tone managed to drag Beckett's thoughts back to the present, "What's going on?"
Taking a long deep breath, she thought back to the beginning, "We were at a raid, executing a warrant for arrest at a suspect's house. Esposito took the door down and we filed in. Ryan and Espo moved to one side of the apartment, Castle and I to the other. One moment I was sweeping a room and the Next Castle was tackling me to the ground just as a shot rang out. I knew the suspect was getting away, but Castle wouldn't move. It was as if he thought he could shield me from a danger that had already gone."
Lanie was smiling softly at her, but when she paused the other woman cut in. Apparently she thought that was the end of the story. "That's not surprising. It's something he's done before."
Kate felt pressure in her chest as if her heart were being squeezed tightly as she remembered the devastation of that first day. "I made some crack about him getting off me, or milking the moment or something, but he didn't move. I didn't really notice how heavy he was sprawled across my chest until the moment I realized he wasn't intentionally lying there."
"Oh, no." Lanie's eyes were wide as she watched Kate struggle. Even thinking it was just a dream her friend could empathize with the situation and her feelings on that moment.
"I pushed him off me, intent on going after the suspect," Beckett continued, "But then I realized what had happened."
"He was dead." Lanie said, a statement more than a question though the question was clearly implied, an attempt to move Beckett into further discussion when she paused.
Kate just shook her head, the feeling of grief clawed at her throat as the moment came back in startling clarity, "The bullet hit him in the throat. He was covered in blood, gushing from a wound too severe to survive for long and his eyes. . ." She choked on the word and had to take a moment to breathe. "He was looking at me as if begging me to do something, to help him. He couldn't speak because of the wound, but those blue eyes burned with fear and desperation as he sought me out." Kate shook her head as if to clear the image, but it didn't help. "I couldn't move. I was frozen, gripped by fear and the knowledge that there was nothing I could do to save him."
"It was just a dream, Kate." Lanie reassured her, but Beckett didn't want to hear it. She wanted to get this out and over with, but she was already certain she'd pick a different explanation than this one next time she told Lanie about her and Castle. This one was too raw, too much, too devastating.
Kate shook her head to cut her friend's reassurance off. "I knew he didn't have long, seconds, maybe a minute. The blood was leaving his body so fast. His jugular was blown open." She took a long breath and released it before she realized her gaze had fallen to the table and she raised her eyes back up to meet her friend's. "I didn't tell him it would be ok, lie or not it would have made him feel better. I didn't reassure him I'd look out for Alexis; that would have helped, too. I didn't tell him how I feel. I didn't even hold his hand. I watched him die scared and alone because I couldn't step to the plate when he needed me. Damn it, Lanie, I let him die practically begging me to make an effort and even in his final seconds I couldn't put myself out there."
"It. Was. A. Dream." Lanie enunciated each word clearly as if each was its own single statement, but the feelings from that day didn't dissipate. She looked away from the worried expression on her friend's face thinking that tomorrow she'd definitely find something a little less emotional to explain things to the other woman. Her eyes fell on her hands, clenched tightly together on the table and remained there for a long moment until she saw the darker hand of her friend cover her own. "What happened when you woke up?"
Kate let out a short bark of laughter that held as little humor as this entire conversation had, "It doesn't feel like I have."
"Oh, Kate." The ME responded with sympathy in her voice and a gentle squeeze of the detective's hand before pulling back from Beckett which drew her eyes up to meet the brown ones across from her. "Only he didn't die today."
"Not today." Kate agreed, though the words held far more weight for her than they possibly could for the woman she was addressing with such a cryptic comment.
"So, let me see if I've got this." Lanie started, a twinkle in her eye as they finally got to what was obviously her original intent: The interrogation. "You had a dream, then Castle got shot and together it made you realize you're done waiting for whatever the hell you'd been dragging your feet over?"
Thinking about what she'd actually done this morning to get over the previous day's 'nightmare', was enough to bring a subtle hint of pink to her cheeks and drop her gaze back to hands that were no longer clenched so tightly together. She pondered whether she'd find any kind of uplifting momentum in sharing that particular information with her friend and figured it really didn't matter either way. "Not… exactly."
Lanie's brow lifted an expression on her face as if she'd caught the barest hint of Kate's suggestion, "Then how was it," Then stressed her own word back to her, "exactly?"
Beckett could almost feel her eyes glazing over as her mind brought back images of how she'd spent the morning with him. "It was. . ." her mind searched for the right words, but no matter the myriad of images assaulting her from all their mornings and night together, she couldn't find a single word or statement that would encompass it all. She gave up even trying with a shrug and a small smile.
"Nuh-uh." Her friend was quick to step in, obviously feeling on the edge of finally getting something out of her. "You can't just shrug to end that sentence with that look in your eyes. I don't need to know the details; Lord knows I'd still like to be able to look Writer Boy in the eyes after this little conversation, but. . ."
Kate listened to the implied question in the way Lanie trailed off and took a deep breath. "He was still asleep when I showed up, but Alexis was there." she felt the wistful smile that swept her when thoughts of the young woman and all the time they had spent together over the past several weeks came upon her just from mentioning her name. Forcing herself to wrap this up quickly in the hopes of gleaning enough of the subtle hints to make tomorrow's experience with the medical examiner a little more comfortable, Kate pushed forward. "We talked, I sort of got her blessing and then she left and I woke Castle up."
Lanie chuckled softly as she shook her head, the fall of her hair sweeping along her shoulders, but her eyes unrelentingly focused and full of good humor. Kate wondered briefly how she had gone so many days avoiding the other woman when her presence was almost a balm to her weary soul. "Now wait one minute." her friend broke the silence that was punctuated only by the subtle tapping of Beckett's fingers against the back of her hand and their breathing. "Isn't that a little backwards? Getting a daughter's blessing for her father?"
Kate felt the grin tug up one side of her mouth as she thought about it. The person she had been on Monday might have thought as much, but the one who knew the subtle insecurities of the teen in question saw nothing odd about it. "They're a package deal, Lanie."
She saw the softening of the M.E.'s eyes, but watched as that was quickly replaced with a mischievous grin as she brushed past that subject right to the next, "And how is the package?" she teased with a provocatively raised eyebrow.
Beckett fought the urge to laugh at the not-so-subtle segue or blush at the thoughts it engendered; instead she managed a quirked eyebrow of her own, "I thought you just said you didn't want to hear about his package."
Lanie's gaze became more intent, "Seriously, I don't." She shook her head as if emphasizing her point. "Just tell me what happened when you woke him up."
It was Kate's turn to feel her own rising mischievous spirit, "You just said you didn't want to hear about his package."
It took only a moment for Lanie to look at her with confusion and then slowly mounting understanding, "Did you just jump him or did you at least explain what you were doing waking him up first?"
Beckett gave a playful shrug and smirked, finally having a little bit of fun at her friend's expense. Perhaps there was something to living her life as if there really was no tomorrow. "Kind of hard to explain myself when my mouth was otherwise occupied."
That statement hit its mark immediately, she could tell by the way her friend's eyes widened in disbelief. "You didn't!" she gasped, to which Kate only gave a brief nod. "And the man didn't keel over of heart failure on the spot?" Lanie didn't wait for an answer, "Or did he try for the noble route of denying you?"
"He denied me nothing." she smirked, "Not in bed or later in the shower."
"The shower?" Lanie shook her head and closed her eyes as if imagining that, though she'd stated enough times that she didn't want to end up doing that exact thing. "Damn, girl, when you finally get your butt in gear you go full throttle, huh?"
Kate was about to remark with something witty, she was certain of it, but her mind went completely blank when the phone in her pocket began to ring. Pulling it out, she checked the caller ID and verified that the sinking feeling in her gut was regret.
Kearns had finally decided to call. Shooting Lanie an apologetic smile, she slid her finger along her touch screen to take the call, "Beckett." she answered, watching Lanie give a little wave as she rose and left the room, leaving Beckett alone as she waited on the direction this call would take.
x.x.x
A/N: I'm working 50+ hour weeks and have only had 1 day off in the past 3 weeks (yay Mother's Day), but shockingly found some time and inspiration to get another chapter out. Now I have to go to bed, up at 5:30am to go back to work again. Needless to say, I'm exhausted. Any mistakes are mine.
Meanwhile, I just realized how different the characters are now from when I started this almost a year ago. I've never had a story take more than a couple months, so thank you all for sticking it out and putting up with the delays.
Review that made my day: Pinki616, so many people expressed the sentiment and I appreciate that you're all very patient, but the way you put it made me smile. I appreciate the insight and faith. Thank you.
Thanks to everyone for reading.
