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Chapter 27 Just Let Her Go
She had a slight headache and she felt exhausted but that was about it. The unbearable cold that had racked her body was gone and her eyes no longer felt like they had frozen in her skull. She actually felt hot under all the blankets. She opened her eyes slowly and was relieved that she had her sight back. The sight in front of her made her smile. She was facing Jason, his sleeping face only a few inches from him. He looked so tired and before she could reach out to him he stirred in his sleep. The soft smile on her lips only grew when his eyes fluttered open to see her.
"Hi," she whispered.
"Regina," he said, his mouth falling opening in shock. Relief flooded his gaze as he sat up and pulled her into his arms, holding her tight. "You're ok? Are you still cold?" he asked, pulling away to look her over.
"No, actually it's kind of hot in here," she said in amusement and he let out a small laugh before kissing her fully on the lips. She leaned into him, his lips so soft and loving and when he pulled away he held her once more as if he couldn't quite believe she was here and that she was ok.
"Honey," she said when he wouldn't let go and she desperately needed to get out from under the mountain of blankets and what felt like hot water bottle somewhere underneath them.
"Yeah," he murmured into her hair.
"It's really hot."
"Oh right," he chuckled, letting her go and helping her to remove the blankets and water bottle. It was when she was finally free did she hear that voice that had the ability to send icy chills down her spine.
"Regina…"
She abruptly turned and paled at seeing her mother sitting on the recliner.
"What… what are you doing here?" Her voice shook and Cora could see the fear shinning in her eyes.
"I saved you my love," she said, getting up and before she could come closer Regina was getting to her feet. Unfortunately she seemed to have no strength for that because Jason held her down and she didn't even fight him.
"Get out!" she shouted, waking Snow and David. "Get out of this house and don't come back! Stay away from me and stay away from my family!"
"Regina…" Snow started to say as she and David got up but Cora quickly cut her off.
"No Snow, its ok. If she wants me to leave then I'll leave." Snow couldn't believe what she was hearing from Cora. This wasn't what they had talked about last night. She was too shocked and angry at Cora to even form any sentences and she watched with clenched fists as Cora took her leave. An icy silence fell upon the room and she could feel Regina's anger radiating off of her in waves.
"What the hell is she doing here?" she asked, her voice brutally cutting through the silence.
"She saved you Gina," Jason told her softly, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back to calm her. At those words, her head snapped to Snow.
"Why did you bring her here?" she asked, her voice cracking with emotion and the anger visibly turning into fear. "You only needed the antidote."
"She has her heart Regina. She came here to be with you." Regina grew silent at those words as she took in what Snow had said. She had her heart? What happens now was the only question running through her mind. She couldn't even begin to wonder how Cora got her heart back happened. All that matter was that it was beating in her chest and Regina didn't know what to do or even how to feel. Her mother who had bullied her throughout her whole life now had a beating heart in her chest.
Does Cora love her now?
Snow seemed to have read her thoughts because she politely asked the guys to give them some time alone to talk. Jason was hesitant to leave Regina's side but he knew she needed this and so he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and followed David out of the room. When they were alone Snow approached the trembling woman. Her hands were shaking and Snow sat next to her and pulled her into her embrace, trying to comfort her. Regina stiffened but she gradually allowed herself to relax. No words were said and so Snow just held her until Regina slowly pulled away. She wiped at her eyes, not wanting Snow to see the unshed tears.
"What do I do?" she asked and Snow hated how hoarse Regina's voice sounded.
"What do you want to do?"
"Snow!" she protested in frustration and Snow took her hands so that she would listen to her.
"I can't tell you what to do here. I know you're angry at her and you have every right to be but looking past all the resentment, what do you want from her?"
"I just want her approval for once," Regina whispered, looking down at their clasped hands as if she were ashamed to admit this.
"Hey," Snow said softly, tilting her head down to try and meet Regina's downward gaze. Regina looked at her then and all Snow saw was fear and years of childhood pain. "This is your chance to get that. I won't push you into doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. It's your choice whether you want to let her back into your life."
"I just don't want to get hurt again."
"I know," Snow said softly. "But I'll be here, we all will."
Snow was right. This was her chance to have the mother she always wanted but never got. It wasn't going to be easy though. Cora would have to earn her trust back. She would have to make up for the years of abuse and prove to Regina that she was worthy of a second chance… that she was worthy of her love. With this is mind Regina decided to let Cora come back to say what she needed to say.
"Fine," she mumbled, not at all comfortable to admitting this out loud. "I'll talk to her." Snow smiled then and pulled her in for a bear hug. She was just so proud of her. Regina had changed so much and not just for Snow or Henry but for herself.
"I'm so proud of you and I'm so relieved that you're ok. You really scared us Regina."
"Uh, Snow…" Regina gasped from being squeezed by her stepdaughter. "I can't breathe."
"Oh, sorry," she said, pulling away and suddenly looking like that little girl she once was in another lifetime. Regina couldn't stop the amused smirk from gracing her lips no matter how hard she tried to be annoyed.
"How long have you been trying not to hug the life out of me dear?" Regina asked and Snow lightly slapped her arm.
"Stop it," she laughed. "Gee, it didn't take you long to bounce back with snarky comments and all." Regina only winked at her and gave her that sinister smile that had once belonged to the Evil Queen. Only this time it was much more playful. Snow shook her head, feigning annoyance.
"Snow?" Regina asked, her tone becoming much more serious. "Can you bring the kids and then bring Cora in later to talk?"
"Of course but please rest Regina. You're exhausted, I could see it," she said as she stood and helped Regina get settled under the comforter. "I'll be back," she said affectionately, picking up the bundle of extra blankets and leaving the room.
Regina has tears in her eyes when Snow brings Ivy to her. Henry looks exhausted and simply hugs her for a few good minutes before letting go and curling up next to her. It was no question that he had stayed up all night worrying about her and so neither she nor Snow bothered him as he fell asleep next to Regina. Emma had come in to see Regina and after a few moments of talking and Regina thanking her and Snow sincerely for going through that portal to save her, David had convinced her to help him and Jason make breakfast.
This should be interesting. David and Emma obviously weren't the cooks of the family and thanks to Regina Jason's skills had improved.
Regina was too exhausted to worry. She just wanted to be with her kids right now and after a nice breakfast Regina was fast asleep with Ivy slumbering on top of her. Henry was still knocked out on her other side. He must have been really tired because he had even missed breakfast. After everything was cleaned up, Snow and Jason went out to find Cora. David decided to go into the station while Emma stayed behind to keep an eye on Regina.
Jason and Snow didn't have to look far, turns out Cora was sitting outside in Regina's backyard on the bench underneath her apple tree. She was giving her daughter the space she needs and after a much needed talk, Snow and Jason managed to convince to her to go back with them. They were still weary of her and Cora could see that. The only reason they weren't sending her back to the Enchanted Forest was because of Regina.
Her heart stopped the moment she saw her little girl sleeping when she entered the room. She was with her son who was asleep beside her and to her surprise a small baby was asleep atop of her, her small head of dark curls resting upon her heart. She was the splitting image of Regina at that age and in that moment Cora knew it was her daughter. The man who had never left her side last night and held her so lovingly was probably her husband and with earth shattering devastation, she realized she had missed everything. She missed her daughter getting married and she missed the birth of her granddaughter. She should have been there to help her through the pregnancy… to give her motherly advice and hold her hand when the baby was being born but she wasn't. She wasn't there just like she wasn't emotionally there for Regina's whole life.
Well this changes now.
She slowly approached her daughter, her hand reaching out and smoothing the dark stray strands of hair from her face. She looked so tired but still so beautiful to her. She had never seen her daughter like this. She had never taken the time to actually see the girl behind the Queen she was creating. She felt as if she were meeting Regina for the first time.
Regina stirred in her sleep and with bated breath Cora watched as her eyes fluttered open. She seemed to be confused at first but then her eyes widened when she realized who was standing before her. Fear flashed in her eyes and Cora had to look away because she had caused that. She had made it so that Regina was afraid of her and everytime she looked at her, that was all that Cora saw in her eyes, fear.
"Mother," she whispered, trying to sit up and it hurt to see that she was visibly trying to shield the baby from her view. She placed Ivy next to Henry and sat up so that she was between Cora and the children.
"Is…is that…" Cora couldn't even get the words out especially when Regina wouldn't meet her gaze. She was afraid, she was angry, and she just couldn't look at her mother as she tried to keep her baby from her. She didn't want Cora anywhere near her kids and Cora could see that.
"My daughter?" Regina asked for her, finally looking up. "Yes she is. Her name is Ivy and the man in the other room is my husband, Jason."
"Ivy," she echoed, briefly remembering the woman she had killed… the woman who the baby was named after. Another person that Cora had selfishly taken from Regina. "She's looks just like you at the age… just as beautiful," she said and Regina eyes flashed with a strange kind of sadness but then she blinked and it was gone. The mask went up and Cora had noticed the sudden emotional change. "Regina?"
"You can have the guest room." The finality in her voice signaled the end of the conversation. Regina had nothing to say to the mother who abused her. Even if she wanted to give Cora another chance she still couldn't trust her, not emotionally and so she grew cold. The emotionless mask that Cora gave her was up and there was no way she was taking it off so soon. She had seen the look in her mother's eyes and she knew Cora had thought of Miss Ivy but had chose to not to say anything. It made her furious and heartbroken all at once and so she emotionally shielded herself in order to gain control of herself. She couldn't appear weak infront of this woman no matter how much she wanted to shout and cry.
Seeing Regina's emotions change so dramatically was unsettling to Cora. The darkness that was in her suddenly cold eyes made her angry at herself for turning her daughter into this…into the Evil Queen that she had become but no longer was.
"You don't want to talk and you have every right not to," Cora said softly with a hint of disgust for herself. Her voice was shaking, nothing like the hard woman she once was. Regina seemed to pick up on this because she didn't stop her from saying what she needed to say. "I love you Regina. I love you so much and if I would have known what I would become the moment my heart was ripped from my chest I would have never done it." Regina was frozen and Cora hated the way she flinched when she reached out to take her hand. "This…" she said, looking at the sleeping kids partially hidden behind Regina. "…would have been enough. You would have been enough. I love you Regina. I've always shone it in all the wrong ways. I didn't know how and so I did what I thought was best. I thought giving you power and a life full of riches was best but now with this heart inside me," she explained, her other hand going to her chest and covering her beating heart. "I know what I did wasn't love. Hurting you wasn't love and I never should've made you marry the King."
Regina's face crumbled at those words, not being able to stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks. Her mother loved her and she just couldn't trust her enough to believe she can change for her. Like she had told Snow earlier, she was afraid of getting hurt by the woman who had hurt her so many times again and again. She kept her mask on but instead of the emotionless expression her eyes were full of a dangerous kind of emotional anger. She was shaking and she violently pulled her hand from Cora's.
"You told me I wasn't your daughter!" she exclaimed in a harsh whisper, the tears still slowly sliding down her cheeks. She didn't want to wake the kids with her yelling nor alert the others in the living room. "Two years ago you tried to kill me and then you left. You said I wasn't your daughter!"
"And that was wrong of me just like everything else I've done to you. I'm so sorry Regina, let us start over."
Regina shook her head in disbelief and her voice sounded so hoarse from the shuddering sobs that she was fighting to keep in. "I don't see that happing right now mother, at least not right away. I had tried so hard to be worthy of Henry and this family, and I deserve the same thing from you."
"And I will my love. I can change, I can be better for you and for your children." Regina's gaze was suddenly fixed on her mother, studying her as if she were looking for any signs that she shouldn't trust her and then with a resigning sigh she nodded.
"Ok," she said, her voice far too hoarse for Cora's liking. "But if you do anything to hurt my children or this family then I'm sending you back to our land and I can't promise if you'll be conscious for that."
The next few years had gone by in a haze for Regina. She became quiet, angrier, and her heart became hateful. The bond she had created with Snow was gone and the now 16 year old princess kept her distance from her brooding stepmother. She didn't even call her mother anymore.
Snow had walked into the stables one evening and the moment she saw Regina with Rocinante, she froze. Regina wasn't allowed into the stables anymore but she wasn't going to tell her father. Regina loved horses and she hadn't been able to ride freely in so long.
"Regina, are you ok?" she asked, seeing the sad empty expression in the Queen's eyes. This was the first time in days that she's interacted with her stepmother. Now that Snow was older she didn't have to be with the princess most of the day anymore. Regina was often left to her own devices. She was alone all the time and Snow didn't know it but Regina felt like she was nothing more but a shadow behind these walls.
At the sound of her voice Regina turned, her eyes widening as she faced her stepdaughter. "Snow, what are you doing here?"
"Taking a walk," she said as she approached her and gave Rocinante an affectionate scratch behind the ears. Regina was tensed and her face was free of emotion. She was scared and nervous and Snow could see it behind the mask. "Don't worry, I won't tell father that you're out here."
"Sure you won't," Regina scoffed, before turning away and before she could leave Snow grabbed her arm.
"Regina, talk to me," she pleaded, her eyes searching for any sign of the mother that she had bonded with and lost too soon. Regina didn't look at her. She yanked her arm from Snow as if she was burned.
"There's nothing to talk about dear." Her eyes were sad which was why Regina wouldn't look at her but her voice was angry and cold and so Snow just let her go.
