Title: Brèves de TARDIS - "Gravity".
Number of parts: 1/1.
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler/Alec Hardy.
Synopsis: "He let her take him back home. There was nobody there, and the house was quiet. Rose was working and their daughter was in school. He walked to his bedroom and let himself fall on the bed. Though he was afraid of having the nightmare, he welcomed the sleep with great relief and pleasure."
A/N: The characters and the universe don't belong to me. All rights goes to Russell T. Davies, Phil Collinson, Susie Liggat, Steven Moffat and to the BBC. Everything else belongs to my imagination.
Alex Hardy had everything to be happy in life: a beautiful wife, an adorable daughter, a cute little house in a quiet town and a job he was excellent in no matter what the newspapers were saying. And yet, every night, he was having the same awful nightmare which caused him to wake up with a start, sweating, breathless, panicked. That was the strangest nightmare he ever had. Somehow, he felt like he had already lived that situation, like he had already felt that despair, that terror, that pain but he knew it wasn't possible. That was too unreal. Why was he having that nightmare? Why did he feel so bad every time he woke up from that nightmare?
That night again, he woke up with a start after the dream had haunted his sleep once again. He looked at his wife who was peacefully sleeping next to him and got up, trying not to wake her up. He walked out of the room as silently as possible and opened the front door. He got out and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the small step and looked at the starry night sky which was colouring itself with shades of red, orange and yellow. The sun was rising slowly when Rose sat up next to him and gave him a cup of tea.
"That dream again?"
Alec nodded and took the cup of tea she was offering him. He drank a mouthful of it. It was hot and warmed his body the terror of the night had cooled down. It wasn't cold outside, but the dream always left him feeling very cold inside.
"Still don't wanna talk about it?"
"How can I talk about something I don't understand?"
"You shouldn't go to work today. Stay home. Get some rest."
He put the cup down on the ground next to him and took her in his arms. He softly kissed her forehead and whispered an 'I love you' in her ear. She smiled. As long as she was with him, nothing bad could happen to him. He was convinced of this fact. Oh, how wrong he was!
"Nah, I need to go to work. Don't want Miller to steal my job. She still hates on me for that."
"I'm pretty sure she likes you actually."
"I know I count on her. She's the only one I trust here. But don't say it. I don't want her to think we're friends or whatever."
"You're a jerk," laughed Rose.
He knew she was joking. Ellie Miller didn't like him at first but now she was the closest friend he had in this town. She seemed to be the only one here to like him. The others were calling him 'shit face'. Not that he cared that much.
Alec finally got ready for work and kissed the two girls of his life before he left. The day was long. He stayed in his office to filling in paperwork. He was exhausted. He took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes and the same images came to haunt him as he was trying to get some rest. The same feeling of despair, of terror and the exact same pain tortured his heart and soul. The same scream coming from his own mouth tore him apart. A scream of powerlessness, of pain. A scream that burned his throat. A scream that was echoing the pain attacking his whole body and mind.
"Rose!" he exclaimed as he suddenly woke in the same condition of vulnerability that always followed the nightmare.
"She called me to keep an eye on you. She's worried about you."
"Miller?"
He rubbed his eyes to get rid of the last images of the dream. He had only slept for ten minutes and he felt even more tired than before. Ellie was sat in the chair that was facing him. Only the desk was separating them. She was observing him closely.
"When was the last time you've actually slept?"
He couldn't even tell her. As far as he could remember, he had always had that nightmare. That could days, weeks or months for all he knew. No wonder why he was so exhausted.
"I don't know."
"Go home. Get some rest. Come back when you'll feel better. I'll talk with the chief."
"I'm f…"
"No, you're not, Hardy, and everybody can see that. You're exhausted. You've been making mistakes. I'm covering for you. And now, you sleep at work and wake up as if you've just been running a marathon. Go home, Alec."
Alec sighed deeply. Miller using his first name was always a sign of her being angry at him or worried for him. The second option was the reason why she was using it right now. He gave in.
"You won. I'm going back home."
"I'm driving."
He didn't protest. It was useless. He let her take him back home. There was nobody there, and the house was quiet. Rose was working and their daughter was in school. He walked to his bedroom and let himself fall on the bed. Though he was afraid of having the nightmare, he welcomed the sleep with great relief and pleasure.
Rose came back home in the afternoon after picking up Lily from school. Ellie had called her earlier to tell her that she had taken Alec home. As the little girl was eating an after-school snack, Rose went to the bedroom. She smiled when she saw that he was deeply asleep. He was lightly snoring and there was no sign of agitation. He wasn't having a nightmare as if it had finally decided to let him get some rest. Rose took his jacket, tie and shoes off and tucked him in. She then walked back to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Lily was watching cartoons on the television but, when she realised her father wasn't there for dinner, she grew worried.
"Mummy, is daddy sick?" she asked.
"No, sweetheart. Daddy's been working really hard. He just needs to sleep a little. He's gonna be fine."
Saying that he needed to sleep a little was an understatement. He needed to sleep more than just a little. He did sleep for twenty-four hours. When he woke up, he found a note on the pillow next to him. Rose had written that she had left a plate of food for him in the fridge. Ellie was covering for him at work.
Life was slowly going back to normal. He could sleep without the nightmare haunting him, but that only lasted a few days. He was thinking that it was finally over when the dream came back more violent than before. He spent the rest of the night in the kitchen, writing and drawing everything that could help him understand why he was having such a dream. Then, he took a shower to relax. Rose was up when he came back in the kitchen. She was holding some of the things he had written. She was crazy worried. Her vision was blurry.
"Alec, what is that?"
"The dream I've been having over and over again. I-I keep on dreaming that I'm losing you. And that's scaring me to death," he admitted, a knot in his throat.
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Every time I wake up, the dream just disappears. It's like my memory doesn't want me to remember that. I can't find words to tell what's happening."
"But…"
"All I can remember is me yelling your name and the sudden light. And I wake up."
"Alec…"
"I'm terrified."
Alec had never admitted being afraid before. He had always kept it to himself. Whatever was that dream, it had broken him. Rose hugged him when she saw he was about to break down for good. He had been strong for too long. He needed to let go of some of the tension he had been keeping inside down.
"Maybe you should see a doctor."
The word sounded weird in his ear as if it was supposed to mean something to him, but he couldn't catch the meaning. He nodded. That was the last solution he had before he sank into madness.
"I heard there was this woman in town. She's a specialist of that kind of troubles. I'm taking a day off. We're both going."
"Thank you."
"I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never gonna leave you."
Once again, he felt like those words were supposed to mean something special to him. A meaning that was slipping away from him when he was trying to get a hold of it. However, he didn't want to think about it right now. He hugged Rose tighter.
Later, they dropped Lily at school and went to the doctor's office. Alec had never heard of her in that town before, and he had been here for long enough to know everyone. He didn't trust strangers. When she asked Rose to leave the room so he was alone with her, he suddenly felt uneasy. Who was she? Why did he feel like he knew he would not like whatever she would be saying to him?
He couldn't find the words to tell her about his dream. Everything was rushing through his head but he couldn't talk. The woman decided to use hypnosis to help him. It took a few minutes before he finally let go, and then, the words came on their own to explain what his nightmare was about.
"I'm a Time Lord. The last of them. I've been travelling with Rose Tyler for a while now. We were casually laughing about our next destination, and we ended up in Torchwood, an agency of alien hunters. They had opened a portal between two universes and created a freaking mess. We were invaded by Daleks and Cybermen. The only way to get rid of them was to open the Void, but Rose's mother, Rose and I had travelled through time and space. The void would have sucked us up. I sent Rose and Jackie in the parallel universe, knowing I would never see them again. But Rose came back. She helped me to get rid of our enemies even if that meant never seeing her mother ever again. She had chosen me over her family. We lowered the levers to open the Void together. It was hard to fight the call of the it but we resisted. Until her lever started to come back to the off position. Until she tried to keep it on the on position. The Void was too strong. She lost her grip, and I screamed her name as the pain tore my hearts apart. Pete, her father, saved her from the Void, but…" His voice broke. "I lost her. I lost my Rose, and I'll never see the woman I love ever again."
The woman, called Katlyn, broke the hypnosis, telling him he would remember everything. She saw the pain on his face the minute he opened his eyes to face her again. She saw it as it was hitting his whole body, as the tears ran down his face, as he was clenching his fists to control himself. She read the notes he had given her earlier.
"That's very clear to me."
"And what does that mean?"
"Have you ever considered that the dream you've been having was actually the reality and all of this just a dream?"
"Are you insane? That's too surrealistic to be real."
"You think so?" she asked, making a rose appear on her desk. "But the weirdest, the most painful things are sometimes the real ones."
"How did you…?"
"It's time to wake up, Doctor."
Alec was confused. The word had a real meaning now that he could remember all his dream. Katlyn had woken up his memory but that was too painful and he didn't want to accept that reality. He pushed the images, the pain and the tears away and let the anger come to him.
"Enough! I don't know what you're trying to do but it's not working. You've got everything wrong."
"It's really working and you don't want to admit it. But that other you, the you of your 'dream', is the real one. Alec Hardy is just a thing in your head. You created all of this to stay with Rose. You don't want to wake up in a world where she's not anymore. Tell me I'm wrong, Doctor."
"Stop calling me that!"
He was so full of anger against that woman. He hated her. He hated what she was trying to tell him. He hated what she was trying to make him understand. He lost his control and tried to punch her but she stopped his fist with one hand. She hadn't blinked, hadn't moved. She kept her calm.
"I'm just an illusion, just like all of that. I'm the voice of your reason. You're following your heart, Doctor, and that's usually a good thing. Not now though. You gotta let her go now. Your song isn't over, Doctor."
"Stop that now!" he yelled.
He was furious but she wasn't afraid. She should have been. He knocked down everything that was on her desk, yelling and hitting everything that was around. A sudden pressure around his waist forced him to stop. Rose had come into the office and was now hugging him from behind. She put her head on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. When she requested to talk to Katlyn, he stormed out of the office and slammed the door. Rose faced Katlyn.
"Promise me you'll take care of him."
"I will. No matter what."
Rose smiled weakly and shook hands with her. She was relieved to know that someone would take care of him, of her Alec, of her Doctor. She couldn't do it anymore, but he would never be alone.
The next day, he was still mad at Katlyn. He didn't tell Rose what she had said to him. She was still worried about him because the nightmare had kept him awake all night. She thought she had lost him for good when he woke up. She had been watching him while he was struggling against the dream. And suddenly, he had woken up, out of breath, crying, shaking, the heart pounding so hard she could hear it. Terror and pain were marking his face. She would never forget how hurt he was. He didn't even react when she caught his hand to comfort him. He just stared at the ceiling, his eyes full of ghosts. And all of a sudden, she felt nothing at all. No heartbeats, no breathing, no move. Alec's face was blank. He was gone. Rose did everything to bring him back, but he didn't remember anything. For him, nothing had happened except for the nightmare and she wasn't gonna tell him about that night.
Alec went to work after he told his two girls how much he loved them. His only wish was to stay with them but he couldn't. He had been absent too many times lately. He got a call from Rose in the middle of the afternoon.
"Hey, honey, missing me?"
"As always, Alec. Can't you escape from work to come to the beach with us?"
He hated that word and he didn't even know why. Maybe it was something the Doctor he was supposed to be hated. Or maybe that was just a memory from his childhood. He would never know.
"I wish I could. But they need me there. You know how they all are. I wonder how they became cops."
"You're being rude."
"Can't help. Send me pics. I want to see my girls having fun while I'm stuck here."
They kept on talking. Alec didn't care that everyone was watching him as he was talking to Rose, a smile on his lips. He loved her so much. The dream couldn't be true. Katlyn couldn't be right. He couldn't lose his Rose. He wouldn't be able to survive without her.
"I love you."
"So do I, honey. I miss you."
"How cute is that!" exclaimed a voice he didn't know.
"Who's that?" Alec demanded.
"Time to play hide and seek, Doctor."
He froze at the name and flashbacks rushed through his mind. He didn't want to remember any of that. He shook his head and focused on the phone call to forget about all those images. His hand clutched his phone.
"I don't wanna play. Whoever you are, leave my girls alone."
"You're so naïve. The game starts now. Let's see if you can find them before the end."
"I swear if you hurt one of them…"
He couldn't end his sentence. Rose was sobbing in the background. He had already hurt her. That was something he would never be forgiven for. He was gonna track this son of a bitch down and make him pay for even coming near Rose.
"Tick-tock, Doctor."
"YOU ARE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? YOU ARE DEAD!"
Alec stormed out of his office while the other was laughing. Which made him really mad. Then, he hung up. Alec didn't answer the questions Ellie was asking. He didn't notice the inquiring looks of his colleagues. He just ran to his car and started hunting down the bastard who dared threatening his family. He ran from one point of the town to another. There wasn't any clue. Whoever had his girls, he had disappeared and taken them with him. The last place he went to was his house. There was still no sign of them. Alec was exhausted, on the edge of breaking down, but he couldn't give up. He had to find Rose and Lily before any harm was done to them. That's when he saw the note on the fridge with a picture.
"NO WONDER WHY PEOPLE CALL YOU THE WORST COP OF BRITAIN. NOT EVEN ABLE TO FIND YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTER. WHAT A LAME DETECTIVE YOU ARE. WILL YOU BE A BETTER DOCTOR?"
Alec's heart stopped when he saw that the kidnapper had hurt his girls. He had beaten Rose, slightly but still. His wife and daughter needed his help and he wasn't able to find them. He creased the paper in his hand as the anger rose in him. He suddenly yelled against the world, knocked everything down around him and finally slid to the ground, crying.
"Alec?"
He had no reaction when Ellie came into the kitchen and came near him. She put a hand on his shoulder but he continued on staring at the ground, the tears still sliding down his face. He was devastated to say the least. Ellie was worried. She had never seen him so vulnerable before.
"Sir?"
She saw the paper in his hand. She took it from him and read it. Her face grew pale when she saw the picture. Alec still had no reaction. He was disconnected from reality. On the reverse side of the picture, Ellie found another note: 'Nothing is real.' What was that supposed to mean? She forced Alec to get up and brought him to the living room. He sat down on the couch. Ellie made a few phone calls before getting back to him. She needed him to talk, to get out of this state.
"How did the both of you meet?"
"That was to the AA," he replied with a sad smile and Ellie was relieved that he was listening to her. "After the Sandbrook case's disaster, I lost control and I started drinking. Regularly. Too regularly. My colleagues noticed that I was drunk every time I came to the office. They denounced me. I already didn't have many friends back then. My boss suspended me and ordered me to stay away from the press. He wanted me to ask for help. I was mad. I totally lost control. If I had had a gun, it could have ended in a very bad way. I just threw things and ran away with my car. I was driving and drinking at the same time to drown my frustration. I didn't know what sobriety was anymore. And I had an accident. When I woke up, I was in the emergency service. I only had a few scratches. My car was completely wrecked. And I was handcuffed."
"They'd arrested you."
"Drunk driving. Endangering people's lives. My boss had given the order to arrest me. He gave me ultimatum: ask for help or go to jail and definitely be suspended. I chose the AA and the station gave me paperwork to keep me busy without harming anyone. It was my third time. I was worked up, erratic, on the edge of exploding. They said I needed someone to help me through that situation. That's when she offered to be that person while everyone was turning the idea down. Everyone knew my name, my reputation, my character. They were running away from me. But not her. Rose… Rose had never drunk a drop of alcohol but she was always ready to help people. She wanted to save me and she managed to do it. We've become close really quickly. When we got married, I asked to be transferred. Broadchurch was the only town to want me. We moved as soon as I got the job. I've been sober for five years, daddy for four years and married for three years. Rose Tyler picked up the waste I was and made a brand new man of me. If I lose her, if I lose them, that will kill me."
"We're gonna find them. I promise you. Our best men are looking for them. They won't stop until they find something. You should get some rest. I'll wake you up if we have anything."
"I can't."
His hands were shaking. He was upset. Ellie could easily guess that those were symptoms he knew very well. He was suffering from great anxiety and his old demon was coming back to haunt him. If she left him alone, how much time would he struggle before diving back into alcohol? She had to prevent that from happening.
"I'm gonna make some tea. That'll help you to relax. Tom and Fred are with my sister. I'm gonna stay with you tonight."
"Thanks, Miller."
In the end, he slept. Without a dream. Miller had most likely drugged him to force him to sleep but it wouldn't last. The sound of his phone ringing woke him up with a start. Who the hell was calling him? And what for?
He rushed to the beach as soon as the caller hung up. No one had told him what it was all about but they needed him there. They had already secured the area and officers were keeping the crowd away. He showed them his badge and walked to the crime scene. He wasn't feeling well. On the edge of a panic attack. It became worse as he was getting closer to the scene. When he saw the two black mortuary bags, he almost fainted. His heart sank in his chest. He couldn't breathe. That couldn't be true.
"Who the hell called him?"
Miller's voice. Angry. Worried. He kept on walking, his eyes not leaving the mortuary bags. His heart ached. The world was going blurry. Miller came to him and forced him to stop.
"They shouldn't have called you. I'm sorry. Go back home."
Miller was trying to keep him away from the bodies but he wanted to see. He now knew that everything was over because of her tone. He pushed her away and slowly walked to the bags. Two cops in uniforms tried to stop him. He struggled.
"I have to see," he muttered. "Let me see them."
They held him tighter. Miller's orders. For once, she was doing her job well, but she wouldn't be able to stop him. He needed to know, to confirm it.
"Sir, this is not a good idea."
She was confirming it. His heart hurt more. He couldn't believe it. That definitely couldn't be true. It was a mistake. A very bad joke.
"LET ME SEE THEM!" he cried out, totally devastated.
They let go of him. He rushed to the bags and opened them. That wasn't true. That couldn't be true. And yet, his two girls were there, laying still in those black plastic bags. He stroked their faces. They looked like they were sleeping. They weren't. Alec suddenly broke down, hugging the two dead bodies, rocking them back and forth, and cried because now, he had nothing left in his life.
They had to tear him away from the bodies. All he could do was yell at everyone and struggle against the people forcing him to leave his two girls. They dragged him away from the crime scene. All of a sudden, he stopped everything and just let them drag him away from the bodies. He didn't say anything, nor move. His tears had stopped rolling down his cheeks. Ellie was more than worried about him. She had promised they would find them. She had given him hope and now, his whole world was falling apart. He had told her how much he loved his girls and now, he had lost them. Life was so unfair. She stopped the car on the side of the road.
"Talk to me, Alec."
"…"
"Please, just say something."
He remained silent, staring at the emptiness through the windscreen. There was nothing to say. Not anymore. It was all done. He was done.
"Alec…"
Ellie sighed and started driving again. They were still on the road when Alec suddenly stooped out of breath, his hand clutching his heart. He was struggling against a violent pain in his chest. Ellie stopped the car again. He didn't answer any of her questions. The pain was awful. He felt like someone was crushing his heart and couldn't breathe anymore. He heard Ellie call for an ambulance but didn't understand what she was saying. She was trying to keep him alive, but what was the point of living when he had nothing left?
A week passed by after Alec's heart attack. He was diagnosed with the heartbroken syndrome. The whole universe was mocking him. He had pills to take and Miller was watching over him since he got out of the hospital. He hadn't moved from his house. He spent his days curled up in bed with a picture of Rose and Lily. He was eating only because Miller was forcing him to but he wasn't hungry at all. She was still on the case and every time she had to go to the station, she always left someone to watch over him. She was crazy worried about him. She knew that if she didn't keep an eye on him, he would dive back into his old demon. But she was exhausted and one night, while she was sleeping, he just ran away from the house. He bought a bottle of whiskey and went to the beach. He walked in the sand for a while, staring at the horizon. He stopped walking when he reached the spot where the bodies had been found. They still hadn't caught the killer, but nothing mattered anymore now.
"Together or not at all," he murmured.
He unscrewed the cap of the bottle and threw it away. Then, he started drinking. He mixed the alcohol with the pills for his heart. After some time, he welcomed the feeling of death spreading in his body.
"It's time to wake up now, Doctor," said a voice.
"I don't want to live in a world where she's not anymore."
He continued poisoning his own body. When he fell to the ground, slowly dying, he heard Miller's scream. She had found him. She rushed to his side but it was too late. She wanted to call an ambulance but he stopped her by giving her a letter he had written. As she was reading it, tears ran down her face. She tried to save him but he just gave up on his life. He smiled to her through the dark.
"Thank you, Ellie," he whispered.
Alec slowly closed his eyes. Even if Ellie called an ambulance now, they wouldn't be there in time. He was already too far gone. He greeted death with relief. The pain was finally over. He could see his Rose again now.
The Doctor coughed before opening his eyes. The TARDIS was full of smoke and mess. The Doctor could barely move. His whole body was painful. His sight was blurry but he could see feet belonging to the person leaving the place. He weakly called out to know who it was.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want it to be so violent. You left me no choice."
No name. The Doctor couldn't even say if it was a woman or a man. He couldn't run after that person. He coughed again as the smoke was intoxicating him. Although he was in pain, he managed to sit up and looked around, trying to remember how he had ended up unconscious in the TARDIS and how someone had been able to come in. He slowly stood up.
"Are you okay? Rose?"
The reality hit him violently. He remembered. He remembered losing her and going away. He remembered getting back to the TARDIS and unleashing his pain, his powerlessness, his broken hearts, his frustration, his grief, throwing things and watching those things break to calm his anger. He remembered launching the TARDIS and driving like a mad man. And the remembered the crash. Everything was a black hole after that, except for the strange dream he had had. He was so happy with his Rose and their beautiful daughter. And now, he had nothing left. He was on his own again. He had lost the woman he loved and hadn't told her about her feelings. He looked at the denim jacket she had left in the TARDIS, grabbed it and smelled it. It brought tears to his eyes. He cried for a while. Then, he fixed his ship, took a look at the gap closing and had an idea: it was time to see his Rose for the last time to say goodbye, to tell her he loved her, even if it was too late now.
