Since Kt reviewed super fast and I'm in the right mood, I tried to write as fast as I could and here I am!
Chapter thirty: Phoebe's choice.
When I parked in our parking lot, I sighed. I was tired and still a little shocked about all what had happened at Todd's. I couldn't believe I had been so close to do it...
"But you didn't," I said to myself, sighing again, "but you didn't and that's all what matters".
The door of the Manor opened with a crack as soon as the motor stopped making noise.
"Found her!," said Cole as soon as he came out of the house, jogging down the little staircase.
"Where were you?," I heard Gram's voice, coming after him, and after her there was a whole army: Piper, Paige, Johanna, Ruby, Helena, Gisselle and Andy.
"Are you ok?," asked Helena.
And then I couldn't define all questions because they were speaking at the same time. Cole opened the door of the car and helped me to stand up and get out. I took a deep breath, I felt so guilty. I didn't know what I was expecting now from them, but the hug he gave me, made me hug him even tighter.
"I'm sorry," I said, and I couldn't help it but I burst in tears.
Cole didn't say a word, he just let me hide my face in his chest as he caressed my hair and rocked me softly. I felt some footsteps, and I knew my family was going back inside the Manor to leave us alone for a while, what didn't mean I was being released from them.
I don't know how much time we spent together in silence. The only think I knew, was that I had never felt better before in my life. I had taken the right choice, for the first time I felt I was doing things correctly. But, what about Cole?
"Will you forgive me?," I asked him in a whisper.
"We need to talk," he said taking my hand to lead me to the staircase, "careful, you've had a lot of emotions today," he said while helped me to sit down.
He sat next.
"I'm sorry for what you heard," said Cole, starting first. He never stopped surprising me, "I, we, I...didn't mean to hurt you, Phoebe. I was worried about you and all what you said made me think you needed some time. I wouldn't never hurt you on purpose, I'll always seek for your wellness," he said taking my chin softly to make me look at his beautiful blue eyes.
"I'm sorry I reacted like...like the person I was saying I wasn't," I said cleaning some tears from my face with my forearm, "but I was so scared at the thought of you..."
"Taking her away, I know, it was stupid," he said clenching his fits.
"No," I shook my head, taking his hands to make them relax, "I was scared of you being right".
Cole smiled sadly, as I tried to undo a pot, but I felt terrible. I had to tell him about all what had happened between me and Todd or I'd never, ever forgive myself. But I was scared of him breaking up with me after all the scandal I had done. I knew I deserved it, but I didn't want it.
"I was mad and hurt, so I decided I wanted to leave and never see you again because you wouldn't take her from me," I told him, holding my belly, "because I wouldn't resist that you took from me the only thing that made me feel someone," I said closing my eyes, to open them again, "but I was thinking about me. I didn't think, I wasn't thinking about what was better for our daughter. I behaved like an immature and selfish bitch and..."
"Don't say that word again," he asked me, placing his finger on my lips, "first, because I know your family and the girls are listening behind the door and I don't want Johanna to repeat them later," he said aloud.
We heard more steps, and we knew that now we were alone. I smiled at what he said, he also did.
"And because you're not a bitch," he told me kissing my lips, but I didn't let him, "what's wrong?"
I covered my face with my hands and I sighed. It was time to tell him. I had to.
"I didn't know to where I was driving, I just wanted to escape," I told him, still hiding, "I arrived to Todd's".
I didn't hear a response to that. Cole said nothing, he didn't move, he didn't sigh, he didn't do anything. I knew he was kind of guessing that something had happened there, but I didn't want him to let his imagination fly.
"We kissed," I said pressing my eyelids, and I took my hands off my face because I had to tell him this looking in his eyes. I owed him that. I had made a mistake and I had to face it. I had to take responsibility of what I had done.
"You kissed," he repeated, somewhat disappointed, but not as much as I expected.
"Yes," I assured, nodding slowly, "but that that wasn't all".
Cole rubbed his face and looked at the floor. He rose his eyebrows and then closed his eyes in sight. I bit my lip and pressed my upper nose. Why, and HOW, I ended up destroying everything all the time?
"I let him touch me," I kept saying, closing my eyes.
"What else?," he asked, staying calm, but I knew he was jealous and hurt. I didn't deserve him. He was too much for me.
"Nothing else," I added, opening my eyes.
Cole nodded, not looking at me, thinking. I stared at him for a few minutes, he was lost in his head. He reminded me that guy who had poured his beer over me to turn off my marijuana. The guy who had saved me from that girl who wanted sex with me. The guy who had beat Giovani to save me from him taking advantage of me.
"I...went there because I was scared of all these changes. You talk about us as four people, as a family, because you know us all and you're in a moment of your life that this seems natural, but to me it it seemed a chaos! I mean, Johanna's teacher is going to ask her for her mom and she's gonna say she's eighteen. Can't you see how twisted is this? I was scared." I said, taking his hand, and he let me, "because I think I don't deserve all this happiness and all the wonderful people I'm surrounded by," I added, trying not to sob because I didn't want to manipulate him with tears, "I've always felt like I am...that last mistake Patty and Victor Halliwell created...he left when I was born Cole, I destroyed my parent's marriage and because of me my sisters lost their mom and dad".
I had to stop a few minutes because my tears didn't let me speak. He didn't turn to see me, to hug me, to comfort me and I thought that was so much better. I kept talking.
"Todd, the gang, they always made me feel like a part of a group of waste," I added, cleaning some tears from my cheeks, "I hated myself so much. I had no future because I didn't want to be alive because everything I was, was failure," I said, trying to calm down, taking a deep breath, "but you changed me. You changed me for good. Your daughter changed me. Our daughter changed me...and when I heard what you said, I thought that all the effort I had put trying to become someone better...was nothing".
Cole closed his eyes. He felt guilty about that, I could tell because I knew him so well.
"So I went to...to the person who used to make me feel like the person I thought you thought I was," I said, licking the tears on my lips, "I thought I didn't deserve anything, so I let him go...,...but, you came to my mind," I smiled, "you came and I remembered how you have made me feel all these months. You made me believe in myself, you taught me self-respect. You made me the best Phoebe I've ever been and I thought I would never be, and I know I have a lot to learn yet but...you saved me there, you know?," I asked him, "You saved me at the center, you saved me at Todd's, you saved me here," I led his hand to my heart, "and now that I found love for the first time in my life, I'm afraid of losing it and maybe I already lost you because of my fear. I had always had my heart closed to love, even to my family's. I didn't want to open my heart to you, but you got in and took it, and now it's yours and it scares me because everyone leaves me at some point. And...I understand if you don't want to see me again. And I love our daughter more than anything in the world, but I know she'll be better with you and for her, for you and for Johanna, if you have to take them away...I accept it".
Review(s) response(s) :
Kt: Ooops! I'm sorry hahaha I brought him here but I think it's not gonna be enough for you...but next chapter is up to Cole, isn't it? Thank you! Oh, I don't know if you read the other version of this ending, did you? It's really SAD and TERRIBLE, but the last two chapters are Cole's point of view, totally. Just saying hhaha :)
