Calm – X-Mas Part 5 (or there's a vestibule down there?)

December 23rd 2003 (or the day Arya found out about Gendry)

Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.

Arya hummed along with the music pulsating in her ears. It was a cool December day as she made her way home earlier than excepted. This was her last shift at Harren's Hall this year, the stars aligned, and she got out of that wretched place early. It meant two hours less in pay, but that was only three dollars an hour, and no tips from that time period. There had only been three customers all days, which netted her a measly nine dollars in tips, so she wasn't going to miss much. Now she carefully walked home, scuttling over the icy spots, well her head merrily bopped around with her iPod.

Best Christmas present Gendry has ever given me.

Tomorrow they would head back 'home', and for the first time in her entire life she would not be at her house for Christmas. She wouldn't have to deal with her mother's obsession with Christmas traditions, her hear brothers teasing each other, or Sansa nag her about what she was wearing. She would be with Gendry, his mother, and his brother, celebrating together like a family.

We are a family. They're my family.

Things with her first family, most of all her mother, were still uneasy. She was trying make the best of the situation, but it wasn't easy. At her boyfriend's repeated, and obnoxious, prodding, she had called all of her family this last week and wished them a Merry Christmas.

In this instance 'all of my family' means everyone but my mother.

It would be tough to not see her pack this Christmas, but she had Gendry. He had been so strong since they moved in together. He had been the one to get her though the move both physically and emotionally. He had gotten her through a particularly nasty Halloween. He had gotten her through her second to last semester of school, which seemed to Arya never to end. And the best / worst / most guilt creating thing about it was he never asked for anything. Sure, after Halloween she tried to make it up to him by making dinner each night the following week, but Wednesday was a long day at Harren's Hall and Gendry didn't end up eating mac n' cheese and hot dogs.

After a Monday feast of mac n' cheese and hot dogs and a Tuesday banquet of...mac n' cheese and hot dogs. My mac n' cheese has amazing character.

All of that was going to change tonight. Her semester ended last week so she had no academic distractions. Today was a stress free day at work and she was fully charged for the night. She'd get home and surprise Gendry, who probably just got home as well. She would fix them some drinks, make them dinner, they'd watch whatever movie he wanted to. It would all be about him for a change.

It's going to be about Gendry tonight goddammit. Even if it's the death of me.

"Hello?!" Arya joyfully bellowed as she entered the apartment and took her ear buds out. She saw his car parked out front so she knew he was home.

"Hey-y-y-y," Gendry whimpered.

"Hey! Guess what!?" Arya asked has she slipped off her shoes and jacket.

"Wha?" Gendry again quietly answered. He was sitting on the couch, not even five feet away, and Arya had trouble hearing him. He was hunched over, his elbows on his thighs and his head nearly between his legs. He wasn't breathing, he was heaving, and his legs weren't so much twitching as trembling.

What the hell?

"What's wrong?" Arya asked as she rushed to his side on the couch. He was still in his 'work clothes,' a pair of khakis and blue and white stripped polo. It wasn't that odd, Gendry probably just got home, but normally he shed what he called his 'causal yuppie costume' as soon as he got home.

"Naa...nothing," Gendry sputtered out.

Yeah. Nothing is wrong. You just can't breath...

"No. I think something is wrong," Arya disagreed.

"No...I'm...I'm...fine," Gendry answered and stood up from the couch. His legs wobbled under his weight and it looked like he would tumble over at any moment.

"No, no, you're not."

"I just need some air," Gendry said as he went towards the closet and pulled out his shoes and jacket. His pace was quicker than Arya thought was possible for him at the moment, moving like a gazelle being chased by a cheetah. His movements frantic and instinctual. Like the gazelle he didn't want to run, he had to run.

Arya followed her boyfriend and stood between him and front door, blocking him from leaving. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Please, I just need some air."

"No, something is up."

"I'm..."

"You are not fucking fine," she interrupted him. "I'm tempted to take you the hospital." She told him as his face began to glisten with a thin layer of sweat as it grew more and more pale.

"Don't do that," Gendry said with certainty.

He's freaked but he isn't confused. He knows what's going on.

Gendry wasn't calm by any stretch of the imagination but he was trying desperately, ultimately futility, to appear normal. He movements were erratic and twitchy, but his voice was calm, between the breaths he struggled to take.

"I just need to go out and get some air," Gendry told her again and struggled to put his shoes on while standing. He needed one hand on the wall and couldn't slip his foot into the shoe with just one trembling hand.

"Gendry...you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay."

"Okay," Arya said slowly as she continued to check Gendry. She didn't know what to do. She wasn't sure she would be able to stop him if he really wanted to go outside. Not to mention she wasn't his mother, he was an adult.

Albeit a stupid one at the moment.

"I'm going to go with you though."

"No!"

"Hey! Don't yell at me!" Arya screamed back and Gendry noticeably reeled at her increase in volume. "What the hell is going on!?"

"You're home earlier than I thought," Gendry said with a sad chuckle as he rested his head against wall.

"Yeah, barely anyone came in. They sent me home early."

"Of course you had to get off earlier today," Gendry said as he continued to chuckle between his gasps for air. "Of course, of course..." he said as his head rocked against the wall. His head hit the wall lightly, and then again harder, and the third time brought forth a violent thud.

"Fuck! Stop that!" Arya ordered and she moved closer to Gendry, putting her had between his stupid fucking head and the wall. Again he winced at her yelling. He seemed to be in more pain from her yelling than the thudding of his head.

Okay...no yelling.

"Gendry, just calm down," Arya pleaded.

"Ohh, great advice. I hadn't thought of that," he snarled as his head still rested on the wall. His eyes were now tightly shut and the wall did more to keep him up then his legs did. "Why did you have to come home earlier today?"

"Gendry, I think I should call an ambulance."

"No, no, no. Don't. I'm okay. I just need to sit down." Gendry opened his eyes as he pushed away from the wall. For just a moment their eyes meet and Arya had never seen her Gendry like this. His eyes were usually cool and focused, but now they were blurry and filled with shame. When they were open they darted around the room, to the door, out the window, to the TV. His eyes went anywhere but to her.

"Okay, let's just sit down then," Arya agreed. "Need any help?"

"No," Gendry coldly replied and he lumbered to the couch. He pushed off against the wall, took three large steps to the couch, and then braced himself on the couch before he lowering himself down.

"Gendry, what's going on?"

"...Nothing..."

"It isn't fucking nothing!" Arya yelled, as he frustration mounted.

"Don't fucking worry about it!" Gendry yelled. Arya and Gendry fought like all couples do. But Gendry never yelled, at least not like that. He was never filled with rage like he was now. "Why did you have to come home early today..." Gendry groaned as he caught his breath. He positioned himself like how Arya found him and began to mutter something under his breath. "Ten...nine...eight...seven..."

Arya was still simmering with anger and questions, but she felt at this point she could have one or the other, and she needed to know what was going on.

I can be pissed at him later after I find out what the hell is happening.

"Gendry. Please. What's going on?" Arya softly pleaded and leaned back slowly to rub his back and his breathing halted at her touch.

"I'm...goddammit. I'm having a panic attack," he begrudgingly informed her.

December 25, 2005 (or Gendry's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Christmas night)

Gendry

Gendry wore cynicism like a coat of armor. Believing the worst would happen properly prepared him for whatever came his way. Sometimes he didn't go out because he was afraid of what would happen because maybe he'd freak out somewhere and he couldn't get away. He didn't speak up or meet new people because he was didn't know what they would think of him. Every decision he made with the worst case scenario in mind. This view protected him from the dangers of the world. He knew he missed out on somethings, but he could live with that. Thankfully he meet a girl who was even more cynical than he and together they fell in love. Together they could live away from the outside world that irritated them both. They were two hermit crabs that now shared the same seashell and it was glorious.

Tonight he did not dawn his cynical plate mail because that same girl asked him not to. Part of protecting himself was denying himself things he wanted. His problems were at times random but were prodded by certain stimuli. Caffeine and alcohol should be avoided because both were known to aggravate his problem. Unfortunately for Gendry, coffee and whiskey were both amazing, and if it were socially acceptable he would begin each morning with a steaming cup of Irish coffee.

It would certainly make the morning staff meetings go by faster.

He didn't abstain from these delights like he knew he should but he did use them in moderation...most of the time. Today was of course the day though that Gendry only got a few hours of sleep and medicated himself with three cups of coffee throughout the day. Today was of course the day that Gendry had just finished his third beer and truthfully wanted another. Today was the day he didn't need any surprises and Arya assured him he'd be alright. She didn't count on the Ghost of Christmas Past showing up at her front door.

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

"What? No hug? No glad to see you?" His father jovially asked as he glossed over the fact they had no spoke in almost ten years.

"Yeah...of course," Gendry stammered, not even sure what was slipping out of his mouth. He stepped out in to the freezing night and closed the door behind him. He knew it was locked and he'd have to ring the bell to get back in. But, that also meant his father couldn't just barge in the house.

I can't let him in. This is my family now. This is my family now. He'll just ruin everything. I can do this. I can do this. Just talk to him for a few minutes and tell him to come back another time. I can do this. I can do this. I can fucking do this.

He couldn't do it. He was already doomed. His heart began to race and the pressure squeezed on his head. Once the avalanche began there was no stopping it. All Gendry could do is get out-of-the-way and unfortunately his father blocked his escape. He could rush into the night, hopefully avoid frostbite, and run until it was all over. Sometimes that worked. Or he could go inside, tell Arya he was feeling a little under the weather and wait for the storm to pass. She'd come up with him to their room, tell him everything was alright, rub his back the way he loved. But, those two escapes weren't options now. He had to stay here with his father.

I can't let him in the house. I can't let him in the house. Just relax. Everything is okay. You are about to have a panic attack. You are about to have a panic attack. There is nothing to be afraid of. It's all in your head. Everything is going to be okay. It's just a panic attack. You've been through these before. You are about to have a panic attack There is nothing to be afraid of It's all in your head. youareabouttohaveapanicattackthereisnothingtobeafraidofit'sallinyourhead

"Well?!" Robert bellowed as he caught his eldest in a bear hug. "Merry Christmas!"

"...merry christmas..." was all Gendry could mumble.

"How are you?" His father asked. His father was the same, but fatter. The same grand scraggly beard and the same blue piercing eyes. Maybe he had shrunk a bit in height but it was more likely Gendry had grown taller. His father once towered over him but now he appeared squat to his son's eye.

Has my dad always looked like Gimli and I never noticed? Or did he become more Gimli looking over time?

"Fuck boy, you're taller than me now. And you have a nice beard now too," his father said wistfully as looked upon his eldest son.

"Yeah...what are you doing here?"

"Well, you're mother told me you had some big news that you neglected to share with your old man!"

Goddammit mom...FUCK! What the fuck is he doing here? Why the fuck did he have to come back tonight? They all might see me like this...I'm going to lose it...fuckfuckfuckfuck. You are having a panic attack. You are having a panic attack. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. You aren't alone. Arya is inside and she'll help once you're done out here. No one else has to see you like this. You'll finish up with him and then text her. Everything will be okay.

"Big news?" Gendry grunted has the world began to spin around him. It couldn't be more than twenty degrees outside as the snow swirled around him but his body began to burn. His stomach churned and his legs became rigid as each moment seemed like a lifetime.

"Yeah! She told me you married one of the Stark girls!" His father exclaimed. "The short one right?"

"Yeah..."

"...Sansa?"

"Arya."

"Oh yeah, yeah, Arya. That's her name. Well all the same – that's great! She's inside isn't she?"

"Yeah, yeah, everyone's inside."

"Well, c'mon then. Let's go inside," his father gleefully ordered him and anger began to mix with Gendry's panic. Not only was his father here, he was excited to see everyone. To see Gendry's family. And in a fleeting moment Gendry noticed that there was no liquor on his father's breath.

He's sober...fuck. Doesn't change anything. I can't let him in. There is no way he has changed. I can't let him in.

"Dad, let's just stay out here for a minute. I want to talk to you first. In private."

"Okay," his father agreed with an annoyed tone. "What do you wanna talk about?"

What do I want to talk about!? You don't fucking know!

"What...why...why are you here?" Gendry struggled to get out. The Stark's porch light illuminated the two of them. Gendry would have preferred the darkness so his father couldn't see the tortured face he was sure he had. But, based on the perplexed look his dad was giving him, Robert knew something was wrong with Gendry.

"Why? Do I need a reason to see my oldest son and his new wife?"

"Well...after ten years...I didn't think you gave a shit."

"I tried to call you! You never wanted to talk!"

"Because you fucking abandoned me! You abandoned us! You didn't fucking deserve to talk to me!" Gendry shouted at his father for the first time since he was nine years old. "I had to take care of Eddie! I had to take care of Mom! I wasn't ready for any of that!"

Robert's face grew sullen at his son's screams. For the first time in his entire life Gendry saw guilt on his father's face. "I fucked up Gendry. I know I did. Leaving my family was the biggest mistake of my entire life. I...was just overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed?! Overwhelmed?" Gendry asked and could not hide the contempt in his voice.

"Yes, fucking overwhelmed! I lost my job, at the company my father started, and I had to go. I couldn't stand to come back home and have you boys and your mother look at me like a failure."

"Yes. You. Could." Gendry growled, unable to make a complete sentence as he neared hyperventilating. He was running out of time and could feel panic tugging at his legs wanting to bring him down and drown him. "You didn't want to. You were afraid to...fucking coward"

"Look, Gendry, I know I can't make up for what I did. But, I can try. You just graduated from UWM right?" He asked and snidely added, "not that I was invited to the ceremony."

"I graduated from college a few years ago," Gendry corrected him.

"I bet you've got student loan debt though."

"Yeah...I do..."

Arya has more and it's what's stopping her from going to law school.

"Why don't go inside, say hello, and we can talk about it," his father told him with a grin. Gendry struggled to take it all in. His father could instantly solve any financial problems Gendry had. That Arya had. But, he wanted to come in. He wanted to be a part of Gendry's family and he couldn't have that. He wouldn't have that.

"Dad..." Gendry struggled to say as he feel his legs begin to wobble beneath him. The avalanche had begun and he was still trapped.

"...why don't...we do this another time. I'll be down next week to visit mom..."

"Look, Gendry," his father said and rested his hand on his son's shoulder. In truth he only lightly placed his hand on Gendry's shoulder but his hand thudded against him. It sent a jolt to his stomach as a vortex of pressure grew in his body. Robert Baratheon stood before Gendry, a jovial man on Christmas, just wanting to see his son and his best friend. But all his son could see was the man who had menaced him his entire life. He didn't deserve a second chance. Not after everything he had put Gendry through.

"...I know I fucked up. I just want to make..it...up," his father told him but his voice faded to a low hum.

You are having a panic attack. You are having a panic attack. You are having a panic attack. You are having a panic attack. You are going to be okay. You are going to be okay. Just breath...in and out In and out. In and out. Just...10...9...8...7...

Nothing worked. None of the little tricks that usually saved him worked. It was to much. It was more than he could handle. His body heaved up and down, up and down, but he could find no air. None of this seemed real. Gendry struggled against his body. The knot in his stomach exploded, his legs finally gave out, and he plunged into the dark winter's night.

January 12th 1998

Ned Stark

His doctor told Ned that his blood pressure and cholesterol were too high. It didn't help that his annual check-up was scheduled in between the gluttonous period between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Not only were there too many leftovers and the four desserts Cat made for Thanksgiving, but he found himself stress eating at work dealing with end of the year reviews. It was too much for Ned and he admitted that he had a problem.

He was a getting a tad fat in his old age.

Not the fattest Ned had ever seen. His best friend Robert was probably the largest man Ned ever knew. At one time he was tall enough to support the girth that had eventually sprouted two extra chins on his under his face. But that was long ago before Robert moved his young family away for work. When he returned home, Robert was a different man. He was a husband, he was a father, but he was still an oaf.

But, he was still Ned's best friend. They had been through so much together. They went to school together, they had been each others best man, Ned was in the waiting room when Gendry was born and Robert was with Ned when Jon was born. They had been through both thick and thin and nothing had ever torn them asunder.

Until his best friend left. One day all the drunken seeds had sprouted and he had to reap what he sowed. He was cast out of the company his father created because of his stupid ways. In one day Robert lost his job, left his family, and didn't look back.

Ned wasn't sure what he'd say if he saw his friend again. He made sure to help Willow with whatever housework and financial needs she and her sons had. She was to proud to ever ask for help, so it was a struggle to assist her, but he tried the best he could. He was tempted several times to get Robert's new number but he never could ask for it. What would he say? How are you? What are you doing? What is wrong with you? How could you? His friend had spent his entire life not caring about the consequences of his actions and didn't deserve Ned's sympathy or help. The family he left deserved it. But, dammit, they had been through good times, bad time, they had their share. There was to much history, to many memories, to give up on him. Ned missed his best friend.

And today's his birthday too.

It was a frigid Monday morning and the sun had yet to rise. He wasn't exactly sure how he dragged himself out of bed at five-thirty in the morning to make it to the gym at six o'clock, but against all the odds he found himself trudging through the parking lot smothered in fresh snow. There were only a handful of cars in the lot that morning and Ned recognized a small sedan parked near the back.

Isn't that Gendry's car?

Ned had his membership card swiped at the front desk, was given a key to locker 68, and made his way towards the locker rooms in the back. The locker room was spacious with several rows of lockers leading to several shower stalls in the back of the room. Ned turned down the second row and found himself in front of a familiar young man slipping on some gym shorts.

"Gendry?" he asked and saw familiar blue eyes turn to him.

"Ohh, hey, Mr. Stark," Gendry greeted him, clearly surprised to see Arya's father this early in the morning. "I didn't know you came here."

"A Christmas gift from my wife," Ned dryly explained.

"Did it go well with the big Christmas ham I heard she made this year?" Gendry asked with a laugh. "Or maybe the four different pies?"

He has his laugh. He has his sense of humor. He is even has damn stubble.

"Well, she gave me the membership after the ham and pies. Maybe it was my last meal."

"I'd prefer chicken," Gendry said with a shrug as he pulled on his shirt as Ned began to change as well.

"Do you usually come here this early?"

"Usually a few times a week. It's nice in the morning. Not that many people. I can get in my cardio and some lifting without anyone bothering me. Nice and quiet," Gendry said as he finished up changing. "Well, have a good work out."

"Hey, Gendry. Wait," Ned asked as he turned half-naked towards Gendry.

"Uhhh...sure," Gendry stammered as he came to a stop. Ned quickly finished dressing so he could talk to the boy with some clothes on.

"I wanted to talk to you about your father..." Ned began and Gendry grimaced like he swallowed a bone in that chicken he wanted for Christmas dinner. "Have you spoken to him since he left?"

"No...I haven't spoken to him since he ran away." Gendry's posture tightened. He was no longer relaxed and looked like he to wanted to run away. But, alas, Ned knew Gendry was the culprit behind the hickey on his daughter's neck, and Gendry knew he knew. Gendry wasn't going to be rude to the father of his girlfriend, so he was trapped in awkward polite conversation.

"He hasn't tried to call?"

"He has. I didn't want to talk."

"Gendry...I know things are strained between you two. But he's still your father."

"He's never been my father," Gendry disdainfully informed Ned and seemed to regret his words after he spoke. Ned had known this boy for most of his life and never had he heard Gendry say something so spiteful.

"Don't talk like that. He's still your father. And today is his birthday."

"I know."

"You should give him a call. Wounds won't heal until you let them."

"Look...Ned..."

I don't think he's ever called me Ned.

"...I don't want to be rude, I know you mean well, but some wounds don't heal."

"Just give him a call. He's your father. It might make things better."

Gendry just gave him a sad snort and shook his head. "Talking to my father has never made anything better. Have a good work out," he coldly told Ned, and with that, the lost connection Ned had with his best friend, left the locker room.

December 25, 2005 (or the day Ned talked to Robert again)

Ned

"Where's Gendry?" Ned asked the table. "It's his turn."

"I dunno. He's been gone a while," his tipsy youngest daughter shrugged.

"He's probably planning something with Tyrion," his rather drunk eldest daughter suggested. "Maybe he's giving Tyrion a list of ingredients to make us something tomorrow...maybe like a cake or something!"

"A cake or something?" Arya asked with a laugh. "Gendry has some skills but I don't think he is ready for a 'cake or something.'"

"What's keeping him them," his wife wondered. "I thought I heard the door close."

"Because Tyrion and Gendry are plotting something," Sansa explained to them as she slurred 'something' into sumthing. "They are probably out on the front porch right now!"

"Yeah, but if the door closed behind him, someone is going to have to let him back in," Arya reminded that moment all of their heads swiveled towards the front door where there arose such a clatter.

"What the hell?" Arya asked.

"I heard someone yell something," Cat said in a concerned tone.

"Me too," Ned agreed.

"Fuck..." Arya groaned. "They better not be fighting again."

"Gawd...if they are," Sansa agreed with her sister and threatened her absent boyfriend at the same time.

"Is something...wrong with Gendry and Tyrion?" Cat asked.

"Ohh, just...guy shit," Arya answered with a pregnant pause.

"Yeah, they just had a rough time getting to know each other last night," Sansa said.

"At least it was better than Tyrion getting to know Rob," Arya laughed.

"Rob was just being protective," Cat defended her son.

"Is protective a foreign term that means douche?" Arya asked with a giggle, clearly enjoying cursing at the dinner table.

"Oh, don't say that about your brother..." Cat began to lightly reprimand her daughter but stopped when they heard further shouting.

"Okay...what is that?" Ned said out loud as he rose from the table and made his way to the front door. He flicked the hallway light switch and looked through the peep-hole.

Robert?

Ned threw the door open, stepped out to his porch, and saw his friend for the first time in almost ten years. "What the hell?" Robert yelled and Ned saw Gendry off to the side, reeling in pain. His body was hunched over and Ned heard the disconcerting retching echo of Gendry vomiting onto Ned's snow-covered lawn.

"Jesus Christ! What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Robert screamed at his son who looked as though he was about to pass out.

"Ned?" Robert asked as he turned to the front door. "Ned!" he screamed again, seeming to forget about his sickly son, and moved to hug his friend.

"Robert?" Ned couldn't help but ask again as he found himself trapped in a sudden bear hug from his best friend.

"How's it going? I haven't seen you in so long!"

"It's good..." Ned began but then he noticed Gendry leaning up against the porch. His face was ghostly pale and he struggled to stand up straight. "...Gendry, are you okay?"

"Ohh, he's fine," Robert said with a causal wave of his hand. "He just got a little too excited. Just like when he was a kid."

Just like when he was a kid?

"Gendry!?" someone shouted and Arya rushed past the two men to her husband's side. "Are you okay?" she asked him and he whispered something to his wife.

"Robert?!" came another voice, and Ned turned to see his wife and daughter standing behind him. Sansa looked petrified at the scene, her eyes locked onto Gendry and Arya. Cat's glared at Robert, unable and unwilling to hide the contempt she had for him. "What's going on?!"

"Well, Merry Christmas to you too," Robert sarcasticly replied as he continued to ignore his son.

"Gendry, it's okay...it's okay. I'm right here..." Arya began to say at a normal volume as she held her husband's hand. Cat and Sansa looked terrified at the sight of Gendry gasping for breath whereas Arya was calm and collected.

"Gendry...are you okay?" Cat asked her son-in-law.

"Ohh, he's fine! Just got a little worked up!" Robert answered for his son.

"I was asking Gendry that," Cat growled at Ned's friend, "...and he doesn't look fine."

"He'll be okay. He used to pull this shit when he was a kid. Just let him have some air and he'll stop it soon enough."

"Robert...he doesn't look okay," Ned told his friend. Gendry lumbered towards the front door, still clasping Arya's hand, and slogged into the house.

"Gendry...you okay?" Sansa meekly asked her brother-in-law as he staggered past her. The entire way he had used the wall to prop himself up, and once he reached the doorway he balanced on Arya and Sansa's shoulders.

"It's okay, I'm right here," Arya continued to murmur to her husband as her free hand found a way to Gendry's back and slowly rubbed.

"Are we going to just stand out here in the cold?! We have a lot of catching up to do!" Robert told everyone as he took a step past Ned towards the front door.

"NO!" Arya shouted as she vaulted away from Gendry who struggled to stand without her. She flew through the door and into Robert's face. "Don't you fucking dare!" his daughter, not taller than five foot two, screamed as she stood between the burly colossus that was Robert and the front door he was plodding towards.

"You've got a mouth for such a little thing," Robert chuckled with a bemused grin. "Is this any way to greet your new father-in-law?" Arya grimaced at the words 'father-in-law' and took a step closer towards Robert.

"You need to get the fuck out of here," Arya told him slowly and quietly as she over-enunciated each word as rage flooded her.

"Hey! Don't fucking talk to me like that!" Robert screamed at her.

"Robert, keep your voice down," Ned ordered as he took a step between the growing fury brewing.

"Well, tell you daughter to mind her goddamn manners!"

"Fuck off!" Arya yelled as she stood on her tip-toes and screamed into his face. After she screamed she seemed to regret it as she glanced back to see how Gendry was doing.

"You fuck off!" Robert screamed back.

"Stop yelling!" Cat ordered everyone from inside the house. Gendry had found his way into the house and was now sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, his gaze planted firmly on the ground. Sansa stood over him, seemingly unable to understand what she saw.

"I'm sorry," Robert said a moment later as he took a step back from Arya, who continued to glare at him. "I just got a little excited...we should just go inside." Arya said nothing but looked as though she would do anything to keep Robert from his son.

Ned looked back to Gendry, who struggled to breath and was unable to look up from the floor. Ned had no idea what was going on but he knew it wasn't nothing, no matter what his friend said. Robert couldn't come it his house in the state Gendry was in. It didn't matter who Robert was to Ned. Gendry was his son now.

"Robert...I think you should go," Ned said to his friend.

"What?" he growled.

"I think it's best for you to go."

"Are you fucking serious! Twenty years of friendship isn't worth anything here!?" Robert shouted at Ned, who couldn't say anything in return. All he saw was Gendry flinch at each word his father shouted.

"Fine..." his friend snarled, then turned away and walked off into the night. Ned looked back to his family. Arya had rushed back into the house and tended to her husband. Her husband, and his new son. Ned took one final look at Robert as he tromped through the snow towards his car. He didn't know if he'd ever see Robert again. He didn't know if he should. All he knew was that something was very wrong with his newest son.

Technically November 6th 1999 (or the night Gendry 'saved' Sansa)

A Kinda Sorta Sister

Sansa would probably be up the entire night trapped in her restless mind. Her roommate, Jayne, was already asleep so she couldn't talk to her even if she wanted to. She truthfully didn't want to talk to her mother, or anything else in her family, about this. Her mom and dad would say she was irresponsible and Arya would say she was stupid. Maybe she was both, but she didn't want to be reminded of it. The forty minutes she spent in the scalding hot shower reheating her body gave her ample time to remember every terrible, irresponsible, stupid choice she made that lead her being naked at the lake. When she found that the shower didn't help quell her worries, she decided to make things right with the boy who had saved her.

Sansa found her herself roaming the halls of her dorm in her pajamas until she was in front Gendry's room ans she quietly knocked on Gendry's door. It was two in the morning so she didn't think he would be up, so she didn't expect him to answer the door. Sansa didn't want to leave his clothes on the floor, they were freshly washed and the hall staff only vacuumed twice a week, but there wasn't much choice. She placed her note on top of the pile and began to walk away. Just two steps later she heard a door creak open.

"Sansa?" a blurry eyed Gendry asked as he peered out his door.

"Oh, hi," she meekly said and pointed to the clothes now at his feet. "I washed the clothes you gave me." She turned her head around realizing the phrase, 'the clothes you gave me,' could easily be misinterpreted by someone else.

"Oh, you didn't have to," Gendry yawned as he picked up the clothes and took a look at the piece of loose leaf paper with a note written in purple gel pen.

Gendry,

Thank you for the clothes. I washed them for you.

Sansa

"Did you just wash them?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal. I was up anyways," Sansa whispered, torn between not wanting to bother anyone during quiet hours, and wanting to talk to someone. Of course, she couldn't talk about what she needed to, but if she didn't talk to someone she might go mad.

"Sansa, you okay?" Gendry asked.

"Umm, sure."

"You're doing laundry at two in the morning after I found you naked at the lake."

"Hey! Don't say that! Someone could hear you!" Sansa shrieked in a hushed tone. Gendry peeked his head further out and looked up and down the hallway and found nothing and no one around.

Okay, no one is up to hear you. But still...

"Sansa, did you want to talk?"

"No, no, I'm...I'm fine."

He continued to look at her and just knew she was lying. "How about some tea to calm your nerves?"

"...Sure," she answered as she followed him into his room.

Does he know I like tea? Or does he like tea himself? Or is he offering tea because I was cold earlier tonight? Or maybe Arya told him I like tea and he's trying to be nice? Or maybe...

Sansa mind continued to race about the tea as she walked inside Gendry's dorm room. She had been in a couple of boy's dorm rooms and this was by far the cleanest. The floor was vacuumed within the last week and it appeared like the room had actually been dusted since he moved in. His bed was lofted and there was a petite couch and television under it. His desk was on the far side of the room. The other side of room was cluttered with a desk and bed of Gendry's roommate.

"Your roommate is out this weekend?"

"Yep," he said as he brought out a small plastic kettle. "Arya wanted to come up this weekend but your mom said no."

"Oh, yeah, she mentioned that."

"Your mom or Arya?"

"Both. They had different points of view on the matter."

"I could imagine," he said with a laugh. "I'm going to get some water for the tea. Make yourself at home," he said as he left to fetch water from the kitchen.

Sansa waited until the door closed and traipsed over to the plastic chair at his desk. There was a neat pile of books stacked five high with An Introduction to Sociology at the bottom and The Human Body: Sexual Reproduction on the top. The book on top was flipped open to a particularly vivid and confusing diagram.

I didn't know there were that many parts...there's a vestibule down there? I thought that was outside a church.

Also on the table was a notebook splayed open to a page filled with doodles. Most of them were abstract shapes and geometric designs, but as she flipped to another page she found a full-page drawing of someone who she assumed was Batman fighting some kind of lizard creature. The shading was rather impressive and Batman's reptilian foe was a menacing threat with crimson blood, the only color in the picture, dripping from its razor-sharp teeth.

Next to his desk was his garbage. She wasn't sure why, but a number of wadded tissues rested on the top of the bin.

Was he crying?

She then noticed a bottle of lotion to the right of the human reproduction text-book.

Nope, he wasn't crying. I have three brothers. But, was he doing...that...to the human reproduction text-book?

She heard the door creak open again and Gendry reappeared with the electric kettle filled with water. Sansa closed the notebook back to the page she found it at.

"Were you snooping?" Gendry asked with a smirk and closed the door behind him. Sansa squirmed slightly at the sight of him closing the door. It was quiet hours, which technically meant he had to have the door closed, but it just made her feel uncomfortable. She hadn't ever been in a room with a guy, with the door closed, that she wasn't dating or wasn't related to him.

"Uhh...no, of course not," Sansa lied as best she could.

"It's fine. It's just my doodle book," he said with a shrug and went to his closet. Next to some of his hanging shirts there was some plastic shelves that held various items. She saw some ramen, mac n' cheese, and a few boxes of tea.

"Really, I wasn't snooping," Sansa said.

"It's fine Sansa. Don't worry about. What kind of tea do you want? I have some sleepy-time, chamomile, and some black tea."

"Sleepy-time would be great," Sansa answered, impressed with the multiple boxes of tea in Gendry had in his closet. "You drink tea...a lot?"

"Sometimes when I'm studying. My mom used to make it for me when I was a kid and I was sick...or when I was stressed. But now my seven o' clock classes have taught me the wonders of coffee."

"Same here," Sansa agreed with a fleeting chuckle. "At least in high school you didn't have to be there until eight."

"True," he said as kettle began to whir to a boil. "But I don't miss it."

"Not at all?" Sansa certainly had mixed feeling about high school, but she missed her friends, her family, and her sense of belonging. She had struggled with many of those at college and the search had yield mixed at best, painful at worst, results.

Such as getting stranded at a lake by a bunch of sorority bitches.

"Well, maybe I miss some of the company," he wistfully told her.

"How has it been being away from Arya?"

"Difficult," he simply answered as he poured the boiling water into two small mugs he had lying around.

"How often do you talk to her?"

"Usually every day. Actually, I just finished talking to her before you came over."

"It must be weird not seeing her every day."

"It sucks. But, she's worth it."

"If you say so," Sansa couldn't help but say.

"Ohh, you two," Gendry said with a chuckle and handed Sansa a mug. "In sociology we have studied the family unit this week. When we got to the topic of sibling conflict, and rivalry, I oddly had a lot to contribute to the discussion group."

"Ha ha," Sansa sarcasticly said as she let the tea bag steep. "And you and Eddie never fight?"

"I didn't say that," Gendry shrugged as he pulled up his roommate's desk chair and pulled it towards Sansa. "But we're amateurs compared to you and Arya. You two took it pro."

"What can I say. She drives me kinda crazy."

"She does do that," Gendry said with a chuckle.

"What, she drives you crazy too?"

"Of course," Gendry snorted. "She's obnoxious, stubborn, highly opinionated, and fiercely possessive at times...but..."

"But?"

"I love her. That's all that matters. The little things aren't important."

"I guess..." Sansa sighed. They sat in the silence for a moment sipping their tea out of the small white ceramic mugs Sansa realized he got on sale at K-Mart.

"So, you want to talk about what happened tonight?"

"...What happened?" Sansa sputtered and coughed as some hot tea went down the wrong pipe.

"Yeah, I assume there's a story about how you ended up at the lake."

"I don't wanna talk about..."

"Why not?"

"Because it's really embarrassing."

"Did you talk to your mom or Arya about it?"

"No, I haven't talked to anyone about it."

"Well then, how do you except to deal with it?"

"I already dealt with it. I'm not at the lake anymore. It's over."

"No, if it was over you wouldn't be in my room drinking tea. You'd be asleep at two in the morning."

"Gendry..." Sansa groaned. "I just don't wanna talk about."

"Why not?" he asked again.

"Because...it's really embarrassing," she answered again, and when he cocked a disbelieving eyebrow she added, "and it's really personal and you'd just think I'm some stupid girl."

"Is that why you didn't call your mom or Arya? You don't want them to know what happened and think you're stupid?"

"Yes...and, I didn't want to hear their opinion on the matter."

"They would probably both have an opinion on the matter. I actually think, between your mother and Arya, they probably have an opinion on everything."

"Yeah, I don't need to hear it from them."

"I get that," Gendry shrugged.

"You do?"

"Sometimes it's better to just deal with your shit on your own. That way no one has to know about it. Sometimes it's better to be alone. The only thing that's worse than suffering alone is everyone seeing it happen to you."

He seems to have very sure opinion on this matter.

"Exactly. I'd rather just deal with it on my own."

"But then sometimes you stay up until two in the morning doing laundry because of your shit. Then you have a problem."

"I suppose..." Sansa conceded.

"So, why can't you talk to me about it? Even if I have an opinion...I'll keep it to myself."

"Because..." Sansa began to stammer, "you'd just end up telling Arya."

"No, I wouldn't," Gendry quickly said.

"Yeah, you would. You two have dated since you were, like, twelve. You tell each other everything."

"I don't tell Arya everything," Gendry sharply said.

"You don't."

"No."

"...Why not?"

"Because...sometimes it's easier to deal with your own shit on your own."

"Arya can't help you deal with your...problems?"

"No one can," Gendry told her coolly. "Sometimes you have a problem that no one can help you with. But...when you're doing laundry at two in the morning, maybe you should find someone to talk to."

Frustration began to boil inside Sansa at his irrational obsession with finding out what happened to her. "Why do you even care? It's not like we're friends anyways."

"No," he said lightly, "we're not. But we should try to get along."

"And why's that?"

Gendry took a sip of his tea and gazed into it for a moment as he contemplated. "Did you know last week Arya and I broke up?"

"What?!" Sansa yelped as she almost choked on her tea.

"Oh, relax," he assured her. "This story has a happy ending. We're still together. Think about it. If we broke up, you'd still be stranded by the lake."

"True..."

"Okay, so this weekend I was originally supposed to go home 'cus after this weekend I really won't have another chance to get home until Thanksgiving. But then, my boss told me two shifts opened up for Saturday and Sunday afternoon and I'm really not in the place to turn down extra cash."

"I know that feeling."

"Exactly, so I called Arya and told her I wouldn't be able to make it down. She flips out a little and then tries to convince your mom to let her come visit me here."

"That conversation was probably fun to hear."

"Probably. Anyways, so she can't come here and I won't see her again until Thanksgiving. She majorly freaks out on the phone, saying she can't deal with this. That it's killing her, that she can't do this anymore, and then hangs up on me. I tried to called her back but got no answer." Gendry paused as he took a sip of tea, his eyes growing sullen as he told the story. Even if the story had a happy ending, this part of the story looked hard to get through.

"So, anyways, to say I'm bummed is an understatement. I leave my room and go for a walk for a couple of hours to clear my head. When I come back my roommate is instantly pissed at me the moment I walk in the door. It turns out that Arya called back like forty minutes later, and when my roommate told her I was out of the room, she tried back every five minutes."

"Really?" Sansa asked.

"Yep, even after he told her he'd take a message. She's very persistent."

Crazy might be a better word for it. But who am I to judge? I'd kill to have a boy to call every five minutes. Not to mention a boy that you call you back after you tried a dozen times.

"Anyways, I call her back and she's furious. Yelling at me, telling me 'to never fucking do that again' and how stupid I am."

"Yeah, that sounds like Arya."

"So, I ask her, 'I thought you broke up with me?' And she's all like, 'No! And even if I did you're not allowed to let that fucking happen! You're supposed to be the reasonable one!'"

"So...you're still together?"

"Yeah, we're still together. In her mind we never broke up. To me we broke up for like three hours. Considering that we can't decide when we exactly started dating, that's kind of the norm for our relationship. But that's not the point. The point is, while she's screaming at me, I realize something."

"And what's that?"

"I realize that those three hours I spent walking around when I thought we broke up were three of the worst hours of my life, and I never want to go through that again. I always want her in my life, I love her too goddamn much" he chuckled, "even when she's screaming at me, I love the sound of her voice. I love her calling me a stupid fucking moron. I can't stand to be without her. I want to be with her forever. Or as long as she'll have my stupid ass."

"Ohhh..." Sansa said, surprised at the last part. Not so much the love, she knew that was there, but the commitment shocked her. She had never heard that, truthfully, from someone so young. Kids said stuff like that, Sansa had said stuff like that, but they never knew what it meant. Gendry knew what he was saying though.

"So, I want to be with Arya forever. Living with her, marring her, having kids if she gets hit in the head and has a massive personality shift. I'll do whatever she wants. Which means that you and I will be seeing a lot of each other. We should be friends, or at least friendly."

"I guess...if you did marry Arya I'd be you're sister..." Sansa relented. "But, still I don't feel comfortable talking to you...or anyone about what happened. It's too personal. You'd think I was stupid."

"No I wouldn't. I promise."

"You wouldn't be able to hide it. It's like talking to my mom, or Arya, they just glare right through me."

"Okay, I have an idea," Gendry said as he got off his chair and dragged it to the middle of the room. "Get up," he instructed Sansa and then pulled her chair across the room so they sat back to back.

"You sit here," he said and patted the first chair. "And I'll sit here. That way we won't be able to see each other."

"Okay...so..." Sansa said as she sat facing towards the door well Gendry sat towards the window. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"You can tell me what happened," Gendry said as he sat facing the other direction. "Or, we can sit here awkwardly sipping our tea looking at my dorm room. I have the better view, and you're the guest, so you can pick."

Maybe it was because he couldn't see her. Or maybe it was because he was so nice. Or maybe it was knowing that if she was stuck with Arya she'd be stuck with him. But, at two in the morning, she was finally ready to tell someone.

"Okay...so you know those Delta Gamma girls I've hung out with?"

"Yeah. They seem...like interesting girls..."

"Ya, I know, they aren't the smartest girls, but they were nice to me...at first."

"At first?"

"Yeah, so I missed the fall rush, but they told me I they could make an exception...if I did something...crazy..."

"...Like jumping in a freezing lake?"

"I'm getting there. So, some of the girls take me to the lake and tell me if I jump in I'll be in. I'll be a sister."

"And you just jumped in?"

"They said I'd be in. I could go to the spring formal. I'd meet some interesting, fun guys. They said they'd be my sisters."

"And it didn't turn out well?"

"You saw me down there. I gave them my purse, I got undressed in the bathroom, and jumped in."

"Why'd you do that? Was it that important to be a Delta Gamma?"

"Because I wanted to belong. I haven't felt that since I came up here. In high school I had something..."

Even If it was a blonde asshole and a trampy best friend. It was something.

"...but here I have nothing."

"You have friends though," Gendry reminded her. "Loras, Renly, Brienne."

"Brienne is nice, but too shy sometimes, and Loras and Renly are cool, but they don't seem interested in me..."

"...That doesn't surprise me..." Gendry muttered under his breath.

"What? Why?"

"Ohh...just a feeling..." Gendry muttered. "But, wait, they just left you there?"

"Yeah, I gave them my stuff and jumped in. They told me to go under for as long as I could and when I came up...they were gone." There was a long pause after Sansa finished her sentence. Her foot nervously tapped on the floor as she wait for Gendry to say something, anything. That she was stupid, that she deserved it, that it was her fault. It was all true anyways.

"That sucks," she heard him say and then he gently patted her on the shoulder.

"Yeah, it does..." she said in disbelief. "So you really don't think I'm stupid."

"...no. You made a bad choice, but we all do. You live and you learn...and you did it just because you wanted some new friends. You shouldn't hold it against someone for making a bad choice for good reasons."

"I wanted to be their sister..."

"They aren't you're sisters. Arya would never do that to you..." Gendry told her with a pause. "...okay, maybe she would tell you jump in the lake, but she'd probably jump in with you."

"I guess..."

"She'd never do something that mean to you. No matter what you two say or do to each other, you love each other." Sansa didn't say anything but she did know the answer.

We do love each other.

"Wait...do they still have your stuff?"

"Ahh, crap...they do," Sansa groaned realizing she had another annoying task on her to-do-list. It had occurred to her, but she contemplated just saying her purse was stolen and getting new stuff. But, she wouldn't. She wouldn't let those 'sisters' to get her best pair of jeans and that cute sweater she wore.

To do:

Regain dignity

Get sleep

Get belongings from hobags who took them

"I could go with you when you go to get it back. I'm sure that won't be easy."

"That'd be nice...you'd do that for me?"

"Sure. I'm your kinda sorta brother. Why not?"

"My real brothers wouldn't even do that for me," Sansa laughed.

"They would, but then you'd have to tell them at least some of that story."

"Urgh, I'd never want to do that. I don't even want to think what Rob or Jon's reaction would be." Sansa said as she took the last sip of her tea. Maybe it was the tea. Or maybe it was finally telling someone what happened. Or just knowing that Gendry didn't think she was stupid girl, but she felt she could get to sleep.

"Feeling any better?" Gendry asked.

"I am actually, thanks for letting me...making me...share."

"It's what kinda sorta brothers are for," he said as they stood up finally faced each other. She wasn't alone. She had a family at home that loved her. A sister that loved her. And she had a brother here with her. She just didn't realize it as first.

December 25, 2005 (or the day everyone found out)

A Sister

Her father closed the door and Sansa could still hear Robert cursing into the frosty Christmas night. Sansa turned back to the man who had fallen to the ground. It was more a gradual slide down the wall. When he first stumbled into the house he almost fell down and used the wall to prop himself up. He put his back against the wall and gently slid down until he was sitting on the floor. He sat there, his stare vacant and fixed on the ground. His skin was flushed, and when she moved in close to ask him what was wrong, she noticed a smidgen of vomit clinging to his lips.

"Gendry," Arya said quietly as she rushed to his side on the ground. "Gendry, it's okay," Arya reassured him over and over again.

"...is he okay?" Sansa asked her sister. Arya looked up to at her with a pained face, but said nothing.

"Okay, just breath in, and out, in, and out," she now began to repeat to her husband who still seemed unable to hear her.

"Gendry, are you okay?" Cat asked as she knelt to Gendry's level. "Do we need to call an ambulance?"

"No," Arya said in a calm voice. With Gendry in the throes of an episode and everyone else exuding fear for him, Arya was the only one of sound mind. "He'll be fine," Arya said and placed her palm to Gendry's head. The touch seemed to snap Gendry back to reality as he looked up to his wife.

"Arya," he gasped in between breathes and his eyes began to roam around the room. His eyes darted to all the people staring at him and his eyes, which before where empty, were now filled with terror. "I need...I need to go."

"You need to sit," Arya told him calmly but forcefully. "And you need some water," she said, then rushed down the hallway towards the kitchen.

"Gendry, do you want me to call an ambulance?" Cat asked and she rested her hand on Gendry's shoulder and he recoiled to the touch.

Not knowing what else to do, Sansa walked around the corner to the living room and grabbed a couple of Kleenex. When she returned, Arya had come back with a glass of water which Gendry feebly held to his lips while Arya supported the base. "Here," Sansa said to Arya as she handed her the Kleenex. "He has a little..." she told her sister, motioning on her lip where the speckle of vomit was on Gendry's face.

"Ohh, thanks," Arya said as she delicately wiped it off. They had only been in the hall for a minute, but Arya had already gone through a range of emotions. When Sansa happened upon the open door, she found Arya helping Gendry into the house and whispering to him. Then when Gendry's father tried to enter she erupted at him. Arya had never been one to be intimated by anyone, but Sansa thought Arya was going to claw his eyes out if he tried to enter. The moment he left, she regained her composure and was again at Gendry's side, speaking calmly and coolly, and knew he needed water. But now she seemed concerned. If Arya knew what was going on before, she was in deeper, unexplored waters now.

"Gendry, this is a really bad one, isn't it?" Arya whispered to him. She was trying to hide what was happening to her husband, but that fact that his gasps for air was the only noise in the house made that difficult.

"Uh-huh," Gendry said and nodded as he grasped her hand.

"Do you want me to go get your..." Arya asked her husband. All it appeared Gendry could do was weakly nod as he held his head against the door.

"Okay, I'm going to run upstairs to get them," she told him and when she started to moved away, Gendry would not release her hand.

"Hey, hey it's gunna be okay. I'll be right back," she told him and kissed him on the forehead. She looked around the room quickly and saw her parents huddled together unable to stop gawking at Gendry, so Arya looked to Sansa. "Sansa, I need to go upstairs for a minute to get something...can you sit with Gendry until I'm back?"

"Sure," Sansa muttered as she knelt next to Gendry. "What should I do?"

Arya had already started down the hallway towards the stairs when she shouted back her answer. "Just remind him to breathe and that everything will be okay."

"Okay," Sansa whimpered, unsure how good she'd be at helping. She sat down on the ground and couldn't help but stare at Gendry. This wasn't the boy she knew growing up that was a little quiet, but always willing to help out. This wasn't the man she meet at college that became one of her friends. This person was slumped against the wall, barely able to sit up straight, and his eyes nervously swept across the room.

"Gendry...do you want me to call an ambulance?" her mother asked again.

"...No...I'm okay," was all he was able to get out.

"Are you sure?" her father asked. Gendry opened his mouth again to answer but nothing came out. He picked up the glass of water next to him on the floor and took another sip, his hand shaking as he did so, causing water to dribble down his mouth. He wiped his mouth and glanced around the room. Everyone fixated on him, he knew it, and his eyes went back to the ground.

The only thing that's worse than suffering alone is everyone seeing it happen to you.

"Mom, Dad, why don't you go in the kitchen," Sansa suggested.

"Sansa, I don't know if that's best," her father told her.

She rose from the floor, moved to her parents and began to whisper so Gendry wouldn't hear. "I think he's okay. Arya seems to know what's going on."

"You sure?" Cat asked as she nervously fiddled with the small silvery cross necklace she worse.

"Yeah, I think he just wants to be alone. He doesn't want us to see him like this. I know I wouldn't."

Ned looked over his daughter's shoulder at Gendry one more time. "Okay, Gendry, we are just going to go into the other room."

"...Okay," Gendry muttered but did not look up from the ground. Her parents proceeded to the kitchen slowly, taking one last look at their fallen son-in-law. They didn't know the man on the ground, they had never met him before.

Should I stay...go...Arya told me to stay with him...

"Gendry...you want me to go too?" she asked and he weakly looked up to her. He again said nothing just looked back to the ground. Unsure what to do, Sansa took a middle ground, and moved back to his side on the ground. She sat against the wall and looked forward, only seeing her brother out of the corner of her eye.

"Everything is going to be okay," she told him. "Arya will be back in a second...just remember to breathe." It felt bizarre not looking at him as she spoke but she felt like she was doing the right thing.

"Okay, I got it," Arya trumpeted as she bolted down the hallway towards them. "Sorry it took so long," she said as she removed the cap from the bottle and gave Gendry a small white pill. "Where'd Mom and Dad go?"

"They were staring at Gendry, so I told them to go to the kitchen."

"Good thinking," Arya said as she helped Gendry drink some water with his pill.

"Is he...okay?" Sansa asked, feeling worried she incorrectly told her mother an ambulance wasn't needed.

"Yeah, he's okay," Arya said as she rubbed his shoulder and again kissed him on the cheek. Sansa wasn't sure if Arya actually knew. It was like she had trained for this but had never been in this position. Her sister was a firefighter who got called to her first five alarm fire.

The three of them sat in near silence for the couple of minutes as Gendry's breathing began to slow to a normal rate. He rested his head on his wife's shoulder as she continued to assure him everything was okay and to breath...in and out...in and out.

"I wanna...I need to go upstairs," he told them after the worst of it was over.

"Let's go upstairs," Arya said as she stood up and reached out her hand to her beloved.

"Here," Sansa said as she stood and reached down as well. Together they helped Gendry up off the floor. With Gendry at half strength, and the two sisters, they were able to get him off the floor. Arya and Gendry shakily meandered down the hall towards the stairs.

"Sansa," Gendry yelped and they both stopped.

"Yeah?"

"...Thanks," was all he muttered as they continued down the hall, his arm wrapped lightly around Arya, and for the first time in her life, Sansa saw Arya hold up her husband.

December 23rd 2003 (or the day Arya found out about Gendry)

Arya

This has to be a dream. A really really vivid dream.

It made more sense for the last eight hours to have been a dream. None of this could be real. Real or not, tonight had been a nightmare. Arya remembered having terrible nightmares when she convinced her father to let her see Jurassic Park when she was eleven. She said it wouldn't scare her. She was a big girl and wouldn't be scared. Of course, she didn't know the movie had dinosaurs that could open doors or that they would eat Samuel L. Jackson.

It was highly reasonable to barricade myself in my room. The velociraptor could open the doors but not break them down. They could bend metal bars but not break doors when with my dresser in front of it.

Velociraptors were nothing compared to what she saw with Gendry. She had never seen him like that. The only thing that compared to this was the night that his father left and that wasn't even close. That man she walked in on wasn't her Gendry. It couldn't be her Gendry. After...he...admitted he was having a panic attack, he sat on the couch for another ten minutes and didn't volunteer any information, only speaking when Arya asked him a question.

Why are you having a panic attack?

I just am...It happens sometimes...

Sometimes? What do you mean by sometimes...I've never seen it.

...Exactly.

Arya tried to ask...him...a few other questions after that, but the stranger just ignored her. He just sat there and struggled to regain his composure and he tried to pretend that this was all normal. Arya sat next to him and rubbed his back, unsure of what else to do. He looked like Gendry, smelled like Gendry, and sounded like Gendry. But he wasn't her Gendry. A few minutes later the man got off the couch and went to the bathroom. Arya sat in stunned silence as she watched him stagger away and heard a thudding click as he locked the bathroom door behind him.

Five minutes later Gendry reappeared. He apologized for yelling at her and said he'd take care of dinner. When she tried to get more information he politely, but forcefully, asked her just to drop it. She did not know what else to do. Yelling didn't yield results before, and she was currently out of truth serum.

The night proceeded as they normally did, but there was nothing normal about any of this. Gendry made them dinner and they made awkward small talk while they ate as they avoided the elephant in the room. Gendry lied and said his day was 'good', which almost sent Arya off on a tirade.

They watched a movie together and sat on the opposite ends of the couch. After that they got ready for bed without really speaking with each other. And now they lay in bed together and there was enough space to fit another person in the bed between them. Normally they would lay on their sides with Gendry wrapped around her or she'd rest her head on his chest. She couldn't do that tonight though. She didn't know who was laying next to her in bed. This wasn't her Gendry...it couldn't be her Gendry. Her Gendry wouldn't have yelled at her like this man did earlier. Her Gendry wouldn't have wouldn't have kept something like this from her. He would have told her about it.

Especially if he's being dealing with it before I even met his stupid ass. This can't be real. This can't be real. My Gendry wouldn't keep something like this from me.

"Are you asleep?" she asked the man next to her.

"Yes," Gendry sarcastic grunted.

"Gendry...talk to me."

"About what?"

"About what?" Arya growled. "Oh, I don't know. Let's start with the fact that you apparently have panic attacks and have been keeping that from me."

"Drop it," Gendry instructed her, like she was a disobedient dog.

"No. I fucking deserve an answer more than 'don't worry about it' or 'drop it.' I've been with you for almost seven years now and it never once occurred to you so say, 'hey, no big deal, but I sometimes have panic attacks."

The man stayed on his side and didn't answer. This wasn't her Gendry. Her Gendry knew well enough that she wasn't going to drop this.

"Come on! This isn't fair. Just tell me what's going on." He stirred in the darkness and Arya felt him get off the bed. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go sleep on the couch," he replied curtly as he vanished into the darkness.

Ohh, no you don't.

"Gendry. Fucking get back here," Arya cursed as she to got out of bed and followed him into the darkness of their apartment. He was already well into the living room when she flicked the light switch and illuminated the room.

"Gah!" Gendry moaned as he shielded his eyes from the sudden bright light. "What the fuck?"

"What the fuck..." eked out of Arya's mouth as she ground her jaw in fury. "What the fuck? What the fuck is going on Gendry? What the fuck happened earlier tonight? And what the fuck are you doing out here? I asked one fucking question and you storm off?"

"Arya, just let it go..." Gendry pleaded as he used his hands to shield his eyes and rub his temples at the same time. "I don't want to wanna talk about it."

"No! I'm not going to let it go. So you can either tell me what's going on or I can scream at you until you tell me what's going on."

"Please Arya...just let it go," he tried again, this time his voice becoming a growl. His breathing began to pick up and his posture tightened.

"No. Tell me what's going on!"

"Fine!" he shouted as he raced from the couch and in a flash was standing in front of Arya. "You want to know what's going on!?"

"...Yes!" she shouted back after short pause, taken aback by this man's outburst. She had never been afraid of him, but knew he could be intimidating force to others. At this moment she fully realized how tall and strong he was, and how little she was.

"Well...Arya...I have a panic disorder."

"Since when?"

"Since I was nine. Or at least that's when I found out about it," he hissed. Though he had avoided looking at her before, his eyes were now locked onto her face.

"So for our entire relationship you kept this huge fucking secret from me!?"

"It has nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with me! I've been you're girlfriend since high school...we live together...you're paying for my fucking cell phone! I think I deserve to know about something like this!"

"Why!? Why do you have to know!? Why would you want to know! You've been perfectly happy for the last seven years blissfully unaware of my fucking problem. The problem I deal with."

"I can't help you if you if you don't let me you fucking moron!"

"There is no helping," Gendry ruefully told her. "There's just me dealing with it the best I can."

"What the fuck type of attitude is that? How can you say you 'just have to deal with it' if you've never told anyone about the problem."

"You want to know about it?!" he screamed at her with a coarse voice. His body heaved as he tried to catch his breath. His anger was burning him alive as sweat began to drip down his face. "You really want to fucking know about my fucking problem!"

"...yes..."

"Fine," he indignantly said and his glare pierced through her. Arya could yell at anyone and usually didn't give a fuck if they yelled back. But apparently not him. Even if this wasn't her Gendry, it looked like her Gendry, and he was furious with her, and that bothered her more than she excepted.

"Sometimes when I'm stressed, or for no apparent reason, I can't breath. I can barely stand. I feel like I'm drowning and no matter how hard I fight I'm going to suffocate."

"...Really?" Arya quietly asked, surprised by how severe the problem was. She didn't know what to excepted, but it wasn't this.

I thought he'd say...'yeah, sometimes I kinda freak out...no biggie...'

"Yeah! It's not something I really like talking about, but since you're so-o-o-o fucking curious..." Gendry continued to shout and paced away from Arya. His speech was beginning to sputter and his body trembled with every word. Arya stood stunned as his meltdown continued and only after it was far too late did she realize what was happening. What she was a part of causing.

He's having a goddamn panic attack right now.

"It's funny actually, because you've seen a bunch of panic attacks, you just never realized it. Like our 'first date' when we went to the movies, my body just decided midway through that it really wanted to hyperventilate. So when I disappeared for twenty minutes midway through the movie I didn't have to relieve myself in the bathroom. I spent twenty minutes trying to calm myself down."

Gendry paced picked up as his voice grew higher pitched and further out of his control.

"Or maybe you want to hear about the time I had a panic attack and kicked a door in."

"What?" Arya asked in a shaky voice.

"Ohh that was fun. Ya see, because my body is fucking stupid and doesn't know what's going on, it just oozes with adrenaline during panic attacks. My brain just lights on fire. So sometimes I break down in terror; or, because I've gotten better at not doing that, I just freak and kick down your fucking sister's door. Ohh, that was fun. I still don't know what the fuck that was about."

Arya had never seen him like this. Manic and shaking, angry at everything around him.

Was this always there and he just hid it.

"Ohh, but that's not the best one. The best one would be the first time. It was Christmas Eve at the Baratheon house and my father was on his third drink, as you would expect, and already beginning his Christmas tradition of getting drunk and yelling at my mother. And I was nine and beginning to see the asshole that my father was." Gendry stopped his pacing abruptly and sat down on the couch, his heaving overtaking his ability to move. He tried to catch his breath but it didn't seem possible. She wasn't sure if he was going to pass out, punch a hole in the wall, or have a heart attack. It seemed like he wanted to do all three if that meant he could feel any different.

Gendry didn't look at her as his breathing was still labored, but began to find a rhythm. His fists began to clench with each breath as he struggled to maintain any semblance of control. "So I screamed at him 'stop it!' Of course my father would have none of that so he started screaming at me. Calling me a worthless piece of shit, a stupid little bastard, and so many other colorful phrases. As he screams at me I can't seem to stop my heart from racing and it's getting harder to see. At some point it just becomes too loud and I fall down in the kitchen. It was just too fucking much for me. My mom screams and calls 911 and tells the operator that her son fell down and can't breathe. My dad is too drunk to notice, or care, and he keeps on ranting."

"Gendry..." Arya weakly offered. This wasn't a little problem her stupid stubborn boyfriend was keeping from her. It was some he could barely talk about. It literally pained him to talk about it.

"The ambulance arrives and paramedics look at me. They say I'm fine and that taking me to the hospital isn't necessary...but maybe I should see a shrink. My mom is still freaking and my dad thinks I'm faking...and you know the funny part?" he sarcastically asked with a sad chuckle.

"...What?"

"At some point during all of that I pissed my pants. I was a nine-year old boy who had never wet the bed and I pissed my pants in front of my mom, little brother, complete strangers, and my dad, who actually told my mom that I should mop it up. Thankfully I could barely stand up the rest of the night so I didn't have to do that. My loving mother had to clean up after her pathetic piss boy."

"Gendry...you're not..."

"Pathetic? Yeah, I am. I sometimes get afraid of nothing and can barely breathe. I sometimes freak out because of that and kick in bathroom doors. Once I pissed my pants because of all this shit. And every time I freak out I remember my father screaming at me. I can smell his breath right now like it happened yesterday. I can't help it, I can't control it. That's all fucking pathetic."

"Gendry, no..."

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Gendry asked as he finally turned his face to her. "This is why I never told you. I never wanted you to see me like this. To look at me like that. To look at me like I'm...broken."

"No, I'm not," Arya softly told him as she moved to rub his shoulder.

"Yeah, you are. Why wouldn't you. I'm a freak."

"Gendry," Arya said sternly and met his gaze. She saw her Gendry again. She had never seen him like this before, but he was there. He was ashamed at all of this, angry that Arya found out, and unable to hold back old emotions that flooded him. Her Gendry was always so in control of everything, but his world had spun totally out of control and she had to help me hold on.

"You're not broken. You're not pathetic." She paused and hoped her Gendry was still there with his sense of humor. "And you are just kind of a freak."

"Heh," Gendry chuckled as he reached out for her hand.

"You're my wonderful, stupid, amazing, freak."

"And..." Gendry mumbled.

"What? It's okay."

"You still love me?"

"Of course, stupid," Arya kissed him on the cheek and felt that his skin was blazing hot. "Fuck, you're burning up."

"Yeah...that happens."

"You need anything?" she asked.

"No, I'm okay," he lied. Arya was sure there was something he needed but he wasn't going to ask for still stirred in her. Angry that he never told her. Miserable because of everything he had been through...they'd been through. Ashamed she screamed at him and caused this latest attack or made it worse. She didn't know what she would do but she knew she had to make him better.

"What...do you wanna do? You can sleep out here if you wanna..."

"...No, I'm okay. Let's just go back to bed."

They walked together at Gendry's slow pace to their bedroom. They held hands and Arya wanted to ask if Gendry wanted to lean on her for some more support, but she knew he'd refuse. They settled in bed and Arya tentatively settled her head on his chest like she usually did. His heart beat was erratic as he tried to control his breathing to calm himself down. She moved her hand up and began to rub his chest through his shirt. At first she was worried of doing anything that would worsen his condition but he softly moaned as she massaged his chest.

They stayed like that for a while as neither of them fell asleep. Gendry's heartbeat and breathing slowed over time but his body remained rigid like a statue.

"Arya?" he softly asked.

"Yeah?"

"Can...you...would you rub my back?" he meekly asked.

"Sure," she said and grinned in the dark room.

Her Gendry slowly rolled onto his stomach and Arya straddled his back. Her thumbs began to rub his back but were unable to break through the tension in his muscles. Normally he was like putty to her but now his body refused to yield.

"Damn Gendry...little bit tense?" she sighed.

"You don't have to if you don't wanna," he quickly told her.

"No, it's okay," she reassured and doubled her efforts. At first she was worried about how hard she was rubbing until she heard him again softly moan and his breathing slow to a relaxed rate.

"Arya..."

"Yeah?"

"Could you talk..."

"About what?"

"About anything. About your day, about your work, about finals. About anything...normal."

"Okay..." Arya stammered. "Well, it was a slow day, only three people all day..."

"Uh-huh," Gendry sleepily groaned.

Arya continued to babble and Gendry occasionally asked quiet questions while Arya rubbed his back. Gendry was near passing out but he still had something to say. "Arya...I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"It's okay," Arya lied to him. It wasn't okay. When she went to bed later that night she'd be pissed at him for all this. For keeping this from her. But, she still loved him all the same.

"I never wanted you to see me like this."

"It's okay Gendry," she said and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too."

We love each other. That's all that matters.

AN:

My apologizes to the emetophobes that read this chapter. I'm sure it was rough. And some apologizes to those of you that don't know what an emethophobe is and now have to google it.

In the beginning Arya is listening to "Layla" by Derek and the Dominos and later in the chapter Ned paraphrases Led Zeppelin's "Good Times, Bad Times." In the previous chapter I also had Gendry paraphrase a conversation in Game of Thrones - he tells Tyrion that Cat loves her children, which is something Tyrion tells Cersei in the show. (Fun fact, in that scene, which is the first episode of season 2, when Tyrion enters he is humming Rains of Castamere, which is the first time that song appears)

Hopefully I haven't scared to many of you off. This chapter was a bit heavy, but so is life. We'll get back to some good times soon enough (but, again, life sometimes get heavy)

Thanks to thursdaynext88 for proofreading. She really really hates the word Coolly. She hates the double L and thinks it sounds fake. If she could drown it in a bathtub she could.

Next time in the conclusion of this Christmas Story – A discussion of the tactics of playing Monopoly, Arya struggles talking to her family about Gendry's problem, Bran reveals how he broke his leg, and one insignificant event on the day after Christmas has big consequences down the road.