It's a continuation from the last chapter, Mavis' point of view.
Chapter 29
Fears and memories behind
Her involuntary response
"Master.." Kagura's concerned voice didn't help.
She replied as calmly as she could, "Nothing Kagura. Don't worry. I'm just a bit tired..mentally." and went away before anyone else could question about her state. What she wanted desperately now was seclusion, and she knew just the place.
The day had been indeed the most tiring of all. She could never get tired physically in her astral body, but her mental strengths sure had some limits. She reached the place. It was where her body had been kept hidden from danger. A calculated barrier had been put up by Yukino so as to allow only the ones with no evil intention to use her body for its power would be allowed to pass, alive. Lucy was the most powerful and strongest when it came to using celestial spirits, but Yukino was the one who had her way with the spells.
As she entered the region, she began walking through the pebble path that led to the open casket in which her body was kept. She had been thinking about her unintentional anger attack on Zeref in the afternoon. He hadn't meant any ill-will, but his words sure had hurt like hell, hence the irrational retort. Deep down she now knew that Zeref would never have meant to kill her. But somehow she couldn't help herself blaming him for whatever had transpired in the past. Since her murderers weren't within her reach, Zeref was the closest on whom she had began to throw her bouts of hatred at. Which was not at all fair for someone who hadn't any fault; not only did Natsu's conversation proved it, but Zeref's own expressions did. He always looked out for her when he thought she wasn't paying attention, when actually all the while she felt and knew his glances on her. Most of the times they were concerned looks regarding her safety, though she couldn't be any safer than she currently was. But sometimes she would sense the impatient look, when he would open his mouth to say something, but then would decide against it and go back to his comrades.
It was not hidden from her that he badly wanted to talk about the past, regarding what had happened at that place. As much as she wanted to clear the things between them, she knew that she wasn't ready; for the dreaded memories to resurface. How could she face him with her fears when she herself hadn't been able to get over them after all these years? She had sworn that she would never let anyone make use of her vulnerable state ever again.
The place where her body was kept would have been her one of the most awaited and favorite one, had it not prized the thing which reminded her again and again of her death. It had a serene and lush green environment, not with the usual thickness of forestation, but with the beauty of small and colorful wilderness. As well as a naturally existing cascade that softly fell into a rivulet that passed through the place and the mainland. In mainland this was a much bigger source of water, an actual river; while here it was just a small but beautiful water body.
Only this was all wasted upon her. Sure she enjoyed the sight of the scenic beauty, but her astral body didn't stand in for a chance to feel the gentle breeze on her face, splash and play in the water, feel the sunlight dry her up. Thoughts like these always made her regret her present state of life, in addition to the burden Lucy and Yukino bore on her behalf. Many a times she had contemplated to end her life and the curse for once and for all, only to be stopped by the memories of her dear friend with the same russet orbs as Lucy and her comrade Warrod. Though they had been good years older than her, none of them minded the age gap and had treated her as a dear friend of their own kind. Warrod had been the best of all her friends and always a confidant of her mischievous activities and tricks, his age had not been able to suppress the childish instincts afterall!
With Layla, things had been altogether different. Mavis' parents had succumbed to a rare epidemic that had claimed lives of many fairies and had wiped them near to extinction. Mavis would have been one of them, if not for Layla; who had found Mavis on the brink of death and had rushed to save the three year old with her magic and knowledge of herbs. After recovery, she and her husband Jude had decided to bring Mavis up as her own, even when they had been expecting Lucy. While Jude had been the perfect father figure, Layla had been more of an elder sister, equally curious and witty like her.
And welcoming little Lucy Heartfilia had been nothing short of a grand celebration. Despite the age and lack of maturation, Mavis felt an equally motherly affection for the tiny fairy as her mother. Layla had always teased about the complications in the relations among them; how Jude was a father for her, but Layla a sister and Lucy a niece! Not that anyone had actually minded it. The Heartfilia family had been rich and full of resources, which they all had worked and contributed towards restoring the fairy clan back to glory; treating the ill, taking care of the impoverished.
Mavis had been always matured for her age. She had been intelligent and knew to plan things to work out perfectly. As much as she had loved to spend time with Layla to take care of the people and Lucy, she had spent equal time with Jude to help him in business and take care of the family's earnings and relations with others. And Precht and Jude had been the perfect mentors, guiding and teaching her whenever she required it, though the number of such occasions was less! While Precht had been the one to train her to control and evolve her magic and spells, Jude was the one to polish her rational and intelligent thinking. They all had cared for and supported each other like a one big family.
And then the mishap had happened when she had been barely fourteen. Her accidental meeting with Zeref had turned out to be her life's greatest pleasure and mistake as well. All those excitements, heart fluttering moments, gentle hugs and naive but sweet kisses; all in return for a huge price that she still mourned for. Almost all of her family dearer than the blood-related ones dead, her own self an inch away from the same clutches, Lucy and Yukino bounded for life, all the other fairy clan in danger..just because she had allowed Zeref to win her heart.
She steadied herself in front of the casket. No matter how she thought about it, Zeref had been innocent and had no participation regarding her death. It had been the other demons, who had caught her off-the-guard and had attacked and harmed her brutally. They had caught her in surprise as well as outnumbered her, resulting in a one-sided torture of hers. It was just because of the last sentence that she had caught from the demon, whose eyes had been full of malice, "Greetings from Zeref-heika fairy. Well now you know your limits and delusions. He can't order you since you are not one of us, but he does have his way with whatever he wants. And it is us who make sure his wishes are fulfilled." that had done it all. Unbearable pain and suffering, not from the fatal wounds, but from the simple statement of his betrayal. And she had gathered as much energy as possible to cast the deadly spell of unfinished "Law" to wipe them out. She had no idea if she had succeeded or not.
Because the next thing she knew, she had been facing the dead bodies of her three best friends and saddened Third Master, holding and consoling the crying ten year old Lucy. She had been bewildered and ignorant of what had happened and had rushed first to hug Lucy, only to pass from her and hold onto the thin air. Even in the state of surprise and grief, she quickly deduced a fair layout of what had happened and had ran away from there. Contrarily, she came to the border of Tenrou and Alvarez, the place where she had met Zeref, also now the place of her death, for solace. She had been hoping that somehow Zeref would come back and explain that whatever had happened was a mistake, a misunderstanding..anything but his fault! And she had been ready to forgive him just like that, even after her friends' deaths, her own death. She didn't keep a track of time and knew not how long she had waited there, finally realizing that Zeref had actually betrayed and toyed with her, grieving the deaths of her friends, shameful of her behavior, thinking how in the world would she return to Tenrou and face everyone..Lucy. It had been ultimately Lucy who had helped in making up her mind. Turning her back would have meant neglecting everything that had happened, disrespecting everyone's death, not taking up the responsibility of her deeds. And hence she had returned, adopted Lucy, taken hold of the Heartfilia's business and had made it to her position as the Queen in Tenrou with her wits.
Mavis stared at her own face for minutes. It never ceased to surprise her every time she saw her own physical body. Though her astral body was the unchanging replica of her last self, her physical body had managed to grow and change just like it normally would have. Though she didn't see any reason why, Lisana had insisted on to clean her body and change the robes daily. Her body was no better than a rock, just changing in shape and size, otherwise it was just as unmoving and non-sensory. Just full of powers, left behind by Warrod, Precht and Layla, combined with her own.
She never could muster up enough will to touch the body. Even though it was hers, it was just as alien as a stranger's body. Who knows what would happen if she contacted the body, her astral self with the physical one. It might happen to break the restrains and magic that had been put up by the celestial magic and let the powers go astray. Or it might affect Lucy and Yukino adversely. No one knew what would happen on contact, since it was a first.
But mostly she feared that if she would touch her body, the horrible memory of the pain might become physical enough to affect her astral body. It was a silly thought, since it was impossible for such a thing to happen. Still, she could never risk going through that torture again, not even if it could bring her back to life. All these thoughts brought tears in her eyes. She wiped them away angrily. It's been years, yet she hadn't been able to completely get over her trauma. It had been a mistake coming to the place. She turned back and dashed away from her body, that was now nothing but a cursed carcass to her.
Though there are many details still left out, I hope it hadn't been a bore. I thought it essential to put this viewpoint of Mavis, there hadn't been any till now. Things would get clearer as the story goes on and I hope it reaches up to everyone's expectations.
I again thank all the readers, the supporters, the ones who comment. Really guys, you are my inspiration to write on! And most of all, my gratefulness for your patience. I think this is the longest gap between the updates I ever had. But really, the college work and schedule had been monstrous! I couldn't find the time, nor the environment to summon my writing spirit and joy! I still have some work even though it's vacation, but hopefully I would find some peace and time to write. See you till next time!
