"Well what did you expect in an opera, a happy ending?" -Bugs Bunny, July 6, 1957
Chapter Synopsis: The Loud siblings attend Lola's funeral
"We are gathered here today to honor the life of Mrs. Lola Loud. Is there anyone who would like to say a few words?"
"She and my brother were inseparable."
"It was a strange chemical reaction, I'd compare them to argon fluorohydride. I guess opposites really do attract."
"I know the pain of losing a loved one. It was only a few months ago when we went here to bury our brother. Lola's sister supported me through my loss. Now, it's my turn to support her."
"Sigh, you can't see it, but I'm crying on the inside."
"I know that Lola would never do anything to harm our brother. I consider this a posthumous exoneration. Now everyone knows, Lola is truly innocent from this crime."
"Uh, we didn't really interact with each other that much, but she seemed ok to me. Well, until the incident happened. I still can't believe she had nothing to do with our brother's murder…"
"I actually visited her a few times. I heard the rumors that she was supposed to by evil, a manipulator, a tyrant or the reincarnation of Satan himself. Well, I actually visited her and she's extremely nice. She even tried helping me with my routine. You know, for someone who isn't well versed into comedy, she did come up with a few clever wordplays."
"Yeah, my bro made the right choice marrying her. She was always kind to him."
"She was one of the best sister in laws we could ask for."
"Without her, I wouldn't have fostered my passion for photography."
"I'll admit, even if it was without her consent, she did help me with some of my experiments, so I'll have to give her credit for that."
At last, it is time for her to speak. As the 12th person to speak up about Lola, Lana has to be expected to do nothing but orate odes of joy for her dear twin sister, but, how could she? Being polar opposites, they usually contrast against one another. As she slowly ambles over to the outdoor altar, she mentally rehearses her soliloquy, looking onward with a wistful pensiveness. She makes her way to the dais and manages to see Lola's body one last time. She looks so beautiful…yes, the mortuary cosmetologist did an amazing job making it look like she wasn't savagely slashed to death by a knife wielding lunatic. Lana gets up onto the dais and taps on the microphone to clear away any static interference. This will not be an oratory ode. No, it will be a requiem of reflection, nay, this is Lana telling the world how her twin sister, Lola Loud, one of the most infamous people in Royal Woods, Michigan, really acts! She begins her lecture. This is a lamentation for a Loud.
"Lola was my best friend. Now, I know what some of you are thinking, how could someone who beats you up on a near daily basis be considered a friend? Well, even though we argue a lot, we are still twin sisters, and we can work together to achieve our goals. I still remember when we got into the Bluebell scout troop, 30 years ago…but, I'm beginning to prattle off. I just want to say, we all miss you, Lols."
Tears start to well up in her eyes as she manages to finish her speech. She gets down from the altar's podium and heads back to her seat, Lucy is the next one to speak. Lucky number 13…as well as the Loud sister that Lola got along the least with. I wonder what she'll say…
"I know that we haven't gotten along well in the past, but believe it or not, I do regret not hanging out with you more. I know that not everyone is into macabre stuff like I am. It repulses most people, you included. But…did you think I didn't remember how badly you wanted to change me? Sigh, maybe I should have tried to understand you more. Well, don't worry, little sis. Now we have all the time in the world to catch up."
Creepy, but next up, and the 14th person to speak about Lola is none other than her own brother. Now, Lincoln has always gotten shafted in the Loud house hierarchy, but none of the sisters have even come close to Lola's vileness. She has blackmailed, extorted, assaulted and stole from her own siblings, and those are just the crimes that she can get arrested and thrown in prison for! Besides that, she's just generally an unpleasant person to be around…it's no wonder that him and the other sisters banned her from their secret's club. As he heads over to the dais, he ogles her corpse one last time, and remembers…she started to change. It was gradual, but all of the siblings noticed it on that faithful Tuesday…it was October 17, 2017… when Spunk E. Pigeon's had that sponsorship contest at their local library. Lola was acting like her belligerent, bellicose self, threating to destroy their chances at free pizza (which is serious business), so he had to be the one to make Lola read. He did succeed, but the contest ended a half hour before Lola was able to finish it, thus earning Lincoln the fury of his entire family, which is nothing new, he's used to being the punching bag of the family, even when it's totally unwarranted. Despite this, Lincoln still loves his sisters and they all still love him, even if it's not readily apparent. But then, something happened that made him question whether or not he was in a Twilight Zone version of the Loud House. Lola reallocated the aggression of her family towards herself! It WAS her fault, so she does deserve it, but Lola committing an act of kindness toward anyone is unbelievably rare! Let alone to Lincoln, who she detests, at least, that's what it looks like to us. But that's not the end of it, she made at least 32 pizzas to make up for her costing them Spunk E. Pigeon (16 pepperonis, 16 pineapples (How dare she desecrate the holiness that is pizza by tainting it with pineapple! It's not even Hawaiian-style pizza, so there's no justification for this at all)). Probably a good thing too, since Spunk E. Pigeon looks like it could become the Loud House version of Five Nights at Freddy's! Luckily there haven't been any serial killers preying on children that lurk around there, from what we know. Unbeknownst to Lincoln, Lola's shift in kindness was partially because of him (and partially because she realized that she'd have more people that like her if she was nicer)! Lincoln gets on the dais and begins his recollection of how he sees Lola.
"Oh boy, where do I start? Lola has not been the kindest to me. She's the stereotypical spoiled brat who always gets her way. When she doesn't get her way, she makes our life a living hell until she does. She always bugs me during my me time (which you rarely get in a house filled with eleven siblings), to have a tea party with her (more often than not, there isn't even tea in the teapot), or for her to ask if she has too much mascara on (by the way, yes, she does wear too much mascara). I try to be the helpful big brother to her, only for her to stab me in the back once she uses me as a means to an end. I saved her pageant career and taught her how to read and she still treats me like trash. Yet despite all of this…I'd have to admit, she's starting to change. I believe it was when we formed our sibling secrets club. Despite all the pain and suffering she's put me through, she's still my sister and I still love her."
Lincoln, having aired out all his grievances and praises to Lola, steps down and heads back to his seat, letting the rest of this sisters talk about what they loved about Lola.
"I liked roughhousing with her, but then again, I love roughhousing with all my siblings. Don't let her dainty look fool you, she's actually pretty freaking tough to take down! I remember when a burglar was starting to rob our city, so I taught self-defense to Leni and Lola. Leni failed, but Lola… all I said was that our fake burglar stole her tiaras and she DESTROYED the mannequin! She even tore its arm off! Imagine if that was a real burglar! Also, when a hostile intruder (we found out later it was our dad, Leni locked him out of the house by accident) approached our house. Our eldest sister Lori panicked, so Lola bitch-slapped her to get her to calm down. That was awesome! And it showed me that Lola wasn't just some prissy princess, she was also secretly a badass!"
"Well, normally we don't interact much, but my relationship with Lola is mixed. On the one hand, she did give me a dollar, which, to be honest, I didn't expect her to do. But, Lincoln told me that she read my diary. I really can't tell if I have a positive or negative relationship with her."
"We don't really get along well. I usually just stay out of her way."
"I can at least say that Lola is the second most fashionable member of our family, aside from me, of course. She usually helps approve my designs and sees if a person would actually wear it."
"We get along great! We have similar personalities and like to be in control. Although she does steal my stuff from time to time. We also can't begin to understand the complexities of our brother. I usually don't care what Lincoln does most of the time, but Lola seems revolted by whatever he does. When he reads comics in his underwear, we don't really care that he does so. Even though it's disgusting, only Lola is bothered enough by this to actually confront him. Ah, we're going to miss you, Lola."
"Anyone else? No? Ok, it's time for the burial."
A pallbearer moves Lola's coffin over to the burial site and lowers it in. The morticians begin to fill up the hole with dirt until it's completely filled up to the top.
With everyone having paid their respects, they all leave. All of them, except for two.
"I couldn't save her. We swore that we would always protect each other."
"Hey, you didn't know about this. There's nothing you could have done."
"What kind of sister lets her younger sibling get killed?"
"No, don't say that! You're a great sister!"
"Am I? Both your brother and my sister are dead."
"I got through my grief, so I'll help you get through yours."
"Thanks. Us four will always be best friends, right?"
"Right."
The last two members leave the cemetery. But before they leave, one of them goes to the florist and gets some flowers to place on Lola's grave. She lays down the first flower, a lady's slipper.
"You know, some people think you are a horrible person…"
She places the second flower, an oleander.
"That you'd betray, blackmail, extort or manipulate them…"
She lays down the third flower, a larch.
"But I know your true colors…"
She posits the fourth and final flower, A sweet alyssum.
"These last two flowers describe the true Lola Loud, don't they, sis?"
The two remaining family members attending Lola's funeral leave. We see a quote etched into Lola's tombstone. It says:
J'ai adoré hors de dépit. Maintenant, l'amour est ma délice.
The camera pans up to the sun as the story ends. The book DiscordantHarmony426 was reading was closed.
"Well, that's the story. I still think Sycophant is the most popular one in my library, but I consider Sycophant and One Bad Seed the twin jewels of my collection. It was nice reading to you. I hope you come visit my dimension again someday. Well, until next time…goodbye."
Author's Note: The flowers the person set on Lola's gave were a lady's slipper, oleander, larch and a sweet alyssum. In the Language of Flowers, they represent capricious beauty (her volatile temper), beware (her being the most dangerous of the Loud siblings), boldness (her adamancy) and worth beyond beauty (her trying to atone for everything that has happened in the past). Of course, they were laid down in a specific order, so that they spell "Lola" when laid down.
The quote on Lola's tombstone is French. In English, it translates into "I loved out of spite. Now, love is my delight". It references how horrible she used to be and how she's changed.
The important act 1 chapters are in Latin, while the important act 2 chapters are in French. Here's what they mean and why they're named that.
Chapter 2: Geminos; Latin for "Twins", it recalls the day that Lola and Lana met Lexx and Leif. 2 pairs of twins meeting each other, as well as it happening in Chapter 2. It must be fate.
Chapter 8: Russian Roulette; It has the same name in Latin as it does in English. The reason it's named that is because Lola and Leif try to date at the Aloha Comrade Hawaiian-Russian fusion restaurant, and Lola has a bit of history with the owner, Sergei. Thus, she's playing Russian roulette, because Sergei could easily kick her out (and he does).
Chapter 9: Duplus Crux Examen; Latin for "Double Cross Examination". In this chapter, Lola and Leif are interrogated by each other's respective parents (they found out they were dating). The interrogation is also styled after Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.
Chapter 13: Dyslexic Difficultatibus; Latin for "Dyslexic Difficulties". This chapter focuses on Alexa's synlexia (which is now dyslexia, thanks to Lola) and how Lola and Leif help her overcome it.
Chapter 14: Unum Malum Pomum; Latin for "One Bad Apple". This chapter references the old adage "one bad apple spoils the whole barrel, as well as introducing us to the act one villain (and technically, the greater scope villain), Lola Loud's son, Lyle Loud! He's basically an even eviler version of Lola.
Chapter 17: Egritudandum Quod Diabolum; Latin for "Diagnosing The Devil", this chapter has Lyle finally diagnosed by Dr. Jordan Koch, who finds that out that he is a narcissistic sociopath. Unlike his mother, who is narcissistic, but is actively trying to help people, Lyle doesn't care about anyone except his mother and sister, and he is apathetic at best and murderous at worst to people that aren't Lola or Alexa. Lola also has herself diagnosed and Dr. Koch confirms she has narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, for short.
Chapter 18: Quaestiendum Egomet; Latin for "Questioning Myself". This chapter was named this way because of the extremely long questionnaire that Lola had to answer before being subjected to the experimental NPD suppression treatment.
Chapter 19: Inluvie Extenditur; Latin for "Afterbirth Extended", this chapter is one big shout-out/homage/reference to the Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth +, so of course it would be named "Afterbirth Extended". There is also a beta reason why it's named this way, too.
Chapter 20: Vindicativa Iustitia; Latin for "Vindictive Justice". If you know Latin, then the title would be a spoiler. This is the chapter where Lyle enacts his vengeance for Leif raping Lola (even though that didn't happen, it's just Lyle's delusions) and murdering the bastard. The title also points out the vigilantism Lyle uses, because when he tried to tell the cops what happened, they didn't believe him, thus making him take matters into his own hands.
Chapter 21: La Nuit De Misère; French for "The Night of Misery". This chapter deals with the immediate fallout of the LOL murders, and how the Loud siblings react to them.
Chapter 22: Miséricorde De Une Sœur Jumelle; French for "Mercy of a Twin Sister", it was named this way because of Lana's kindness toward Lola after what had just happened 2 chapters ago.
Chapter 23: Le Bouclier Blue; French for "The Blue Shield", This is a Lana-centric chapter, and it perfectly describes her. A person who would do anything to protect the ones she loves.
Chapter 24: Innocence Perdue; French for "Innocence Lost". This chapter is about Lola trying to return to her life after the trauma the LOL murders caused her. It also shares it's name with a Pikmin 2 treasure, a Christmas tree star.
Chapter 25: Procès Par Frères; French for "Trial By Brothers". In this flashback chapter, we focus on Lane's perspective about that fateful night and how he and six others were convinced that Lola did not abet Lyle in this crime whatsoever.
Chapter 26: Si C'est Quelconque Consolation; French for "If It's Any Consolation". In this chapter, Lexx tells Lola what has happened to them ever since the crime happened and reassures her it's not her fault.
Chapter 27: Coucher De Soleil; French for "Sunset". If you know French, this could be a spoiler. In this chapter, one of the brothers murders Lola as revenge for her abeting Lyle in the murder of Leif (again, that didn't happen, it's the murderer's delusion). It was named this way because Lincoln's nickname for Lola is Sunshine, thus sunset would be appropriate for the death of Lola.
Chapter 28: Nettoyage Mental; French for "Mental Cleanup", this chapter consists of the murderer taking Loni's advice and airing out his grievances with legendary psychologist and former writer of the acclaimed TV show Rick and Morty, Dr. Eric Acosta! We also find out who murdered Lola, bringing this saga to a close.
Chapter 29: Simul Encore; Latin and French combine to form this chapter's title, how fitting that the last chapter of the story has both. It means "Together Again". Lola and Leif are finally reunited once again, in death.
Did you notice that every act 2 chapter was in French? Well, that's because all act 2 chapters are considered important.
A scrapped idea was that Lola and Leif were originally going to get a dog. It would have been called Occi (pronounce "oh-see"), short for occidere, the Latin word for "kill". It was scrapped because Lyle would have to kill Occi first, which would alert Leif that an intruder would be in the house, so he'd run away. Lyle would also have to kill Occi so that he wouldn't attack him while Lyle is busy murdering Leif. If the dog did survive, Lola would have visited Lincoln after the LOL murders and Occi would have murdered Lincoln (Occi confused Lincoln for Lyle, they have the same hairstyle, he doesn't attack Lola because Occi recognizes her as his owner.) by tearing his throat out. These reasons are why this concept was scrapped.
There are also 3 scrapped chapters. The first one was titled Creative Differences, and would have used the original plan of Leif and Lola dropping off Alexa with Leni while they went to work. It's a calming chapter with nothing major happening to the plot. It's just Alexa hanging out and bonding with Leni. It was scrapped because Alexa and Lyle would meet the rest of the Loud family in chapter 15. The second one is titled Poursuite Du Bonheur, meaning "Pursuit of Happiness" in French, this was the original chapter 24 and Innocence Perdue would have been combined into it. After leaving Lana's house, Lola decides the only way to be happy again would be to consult an expert in happiness, luckily she knows just the woman to help her out! Unfortunately for Lola, she finds out that her expert has died. It was cut out because it didn't fit into the timeline. The third one is titled End of an Era, and takes place in 2060, it follows 3 new characters and their commentary about the Loud family. The 3 character's names are revealed to be Laura, Len, and Lila. It would have a mockumentary feel, as Lila is supposed to be recording this. We would have seen Lincoln again, though he'd act very different, seeing as he would be 55 years old at this time. He talks about how great their mother was, and the final shot would be of Lila turning the camera to show herself, and we'd see that Lila looks like the spitting image of Luan! It was cut out because it wasn't technically a part of One Bad Seed, as that is Lola's story, and this chapter would be a Lincoln/Luan story.
Chapter 19 is pretty long, but it was going to be even longer. Originally, after Lola finished the NPD suppression therapy, she'd go home and go to sleep. In her dreams, she'd have a Yu-Gi-Oh truel against Lyle and Leif. Lola and Leif would team up to take down Lyle, but if Lyle defeats one of them, they'd both lose. It was cut out for being unnecessary padding, but here is the first turn of the truel.
"Welcome to your doom, mom. I see that you imagined that loser here."
Lola glowers at Lyle.
"Ok, how about this then?"
3 duel disks materialize onto their arms.
"Huh? What's this?"
"Serious business, now, seeing as you've played the Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth +, lets have a competition, you vs me vs him. But if he loses, you also lose, agreed?"
"Fine."
The truel begins, all players draw 7 cards and have 3000 LP.
"Alright mom, I'll let you have the first turn."
("I sure hope I remember how Linky did this...")
"I play this Vis card, in attack mode."
Lola summons a Vis, which has 250 ATK and 250 DEF.
"Next, I play the Posthumous + spell card and equip it to my Vis!"
The Vis transforms into a Scarred Double Vis, which has 200 ATK, and 220 DEF
"Now, Scarred Double Vis, Attack Lyle's life points directly!"
The Scarred Double Vis shoots out a 4-way brimstone beam at Lyle.
Lyle LP: 2800
"I also play the Lilith hero card, in defense mode!"
Lola summons Lilith, who has 600 ATK and 300 DEF.
"Lilith starts with Box of Friends, which allows her to copy any familiars she has. I use it to duplicate her Incubus!"
"Now, Dual Incubi, attack Lyle's life points directly!"
The two incubi shoot at Lyle.
Lyle LP: 1600
"I lay one card facedown and end my turn."
"Ok, I summon Isaac in attack mode."
Leif summons Isaac, who has 300 ATK and 300 DEF
"Next, I equip the 20/20 to Isaac."
Isaac: 600 ATK, 300 DEF
"Next, I equip the Bible to Isaac."
"I lay down one card facedown and end my turn."
"Ha, my turn!"
He shows a card with a red pentagram amidst a black background, a very powerful card!
"I start by playing Abaddon on myself! By sacrificing all red heart HP, as well as 6 of my cards in my deck to the graveyard, I can replace it with 6 black hearts! It also grants me power bonuses!"
Lyle LP: 6000
Lyle starts turning into a black bestial form that looks satanic.
"Next, I play Monstro in attack mode!"
He summons Monstro, who has 2000 ATK and 2500 DEF
Lyle holds up a card with a razor on it.
I activate the card Blood Rights! By sacrificing 500 life points, I deal 400 damage to everything on the field, including you!
"Not so fast! I activate Holy Mantle, which blocks your Blood Rights!"
A straightedge razor slices Lyle in a "Z" fashion, it then does so to everyone else. Everything on Lola's side of the field is protected by the Holy Mantle, which absorbs the hit and fades away.
Lyle LP: 5500
Leif LP: 2600
The Blood Rights destroyed Leif's Isaac, dealing 300 more life points in damage!
Leif LP: 2300
"I lay 2 cards facedown and end my turn!"
By now, you've heard about the LOL murders. I know that most people think LOL means "laugh out loud", but in this story it means "loss of life", or 'loss of love" (loss of love is more canon, though, so that's what I use)
Well, that's the end of the story, I hope you enjoyed it.
