Tortured Souls
Disclaimer: I do not own Good Luck Charlie
A/N:
Chapter 29 (Painful Past)
Teddy was livid, her blood boiling with rage. She wanted so badly to throw her mother out the door, but she held back and made sure to bite her tongue. Jo and Skyler started to come in with the children and Charlotte's friends, but upon seeing Amy, they froze. "What…" She moved forward and slowly closed her hands, locking her eyes with her mother's. "Are you doing here?" She wasn't so blind and bitter that she would miss the hurt and the fear in her mother's eyes, but she really wasn't sure what to make of it.
The memory of Petunia and Amy screaming at one another, screaming at her, it returned as if it were as fresh as yesterday morning. It was a damn good thing Cece was in the room, because someone would have to hold her back if things got out of hand. She knew who Toby was, able to remember her mother was pregnant when they left, but he was not the first thing on her mind in this instance. "I wanted to find you," Amy replied. She was weak, shrinking beneath Teddy's hot glare. "C-Charlotte forgot her phone and we didn't have an address, so…" Teddy started to growl and flicked her eyes to her daughter.
"Charlotte, take your cousins somewhere please. Go with Skyler and Jo." Charlotte nodded and hurried out the door with Toby. "Cece, you may want to hang around here." Cece nodded. The door shut behind her, Gabe and PJ remained in the apartment. "I wasn't aware this Toby that she met up with was your son. Did she get her phone back, at least?" Amy nodded and rested her hands at her waist. She was shivering and looked ready to break, Teddy couldn't understand it, but it troubled her deeply. She wanted to yell, she wanted to scream, but she didn't want to crush the woman, and yet she already looked like she'd been crushed. "Please stop looking like you're about to cry, so I can at least be angry."
"We gave her the phone, I know we probably could have called but, I really wanted to see you!" Amy reached out, curling her fingers in for a moment. She looked like a lost puppy, or a brokenhearted little girl. "I never wanted to run you off. My babies…I've always loved you, I…" Teddy put her hand to her hips and looked back at Gabe and PJ, they didn't appear to know what to do. Amy's tears were streaking her red face and her body's trembling had only grown worse.
"Take it easy on her," Gabe placed his hand on her shoulder and whispered softly. PJ leaned in and looked worriedly at him. "I uh, I ran a background check on her when I entered the agency…"
"Did she do something bad?" PJ asked.
"No…she was a victim." Teddy froze and lowered her arms. She felt a cold chill shooting down her spine as her gaze fell upon her mother. What had this woman gone through? What had been done to her? "Teddy, give her a chance to explain herself."
"Why didn't you tell us anything?"
"Didn't think it was my place."
"Enough talk," Teddy growled. She moved for Amy and folded her arms over, glaring into her eyes. Her nostrils flared as Amy began whimpering. She didn't expect this, she expected to hear a savage judgmental crowing from the woman. She expected to hear anger at the fact that they'd all left her. "PJ lives in New York. I live here, and Gabe lives in Trinidad, Chicago. What are your thoughts on that?"
"I…I'm proud of you all for doing well."
"Really?"
"Please." Amy started to fall to her knees, grabbing the edge of Teddy's shirt and bawling. Teddy raised an eyebrow, a nauseous and unsettling feeling swept over her as she glanced over her shoulder to her brothers. "I never wanted to be like my mother! I never meant to run you or to make you hate me." Hate was a strong word. Teddy folded her arms over and glanced off to the side.
"I never hated you, you're my mother." Gabe and PJ walked over and circled Amy. Gabe instructed them to back up just a bit, that it was best not to crowd Amy. "Damn, what happened to make you like this?" She was disgusted by the wet pool appearing on her shirt, tears and snot.
"I lost everything. I lost my babies, I lost my protector." She spoke in between sobs, making it very hard to understand. "Just tell me…how you've been. Please, I need to know, and if you want me out of your life…I'll go. I promise you, I'll leave and I'll never come back. You can take Toby with you, if you want, I…"
"Mom stop…" Teddy bit her lip and looked up at her brothers. Was Amy talking suicide? Her heart mourned the woman. With a heavy sigh, she helped her mom to her feet and walked her over to the couch. "You're not going to do anything to yourself, and Toby still needs you to raise him, so…" She quickly pointed for PJ and motioned to the kitchen. "Go grab a Kleenex, would you?" PJ nodded and hurried to the kitchen, returning within seconds with a tissue box. Amy grabbed for a tissue and blew her nose. "Mom, you're making it very hard to be mad at you. I hope you know that."
"I'm sorry. You can hate me if you want…"
"I don't hate you, I just…some things are still pretty ripe and tender. You try talking to a judgmental mother that blamed you for everything and ran you off."
"Oh god!" Amy threw her hands to her eyes and began bawling. Teddy spread her arms out in defeat and looked helplessly to her brothers. She began rubbing Amy's back. "I became like my mother! God kill me!"
"Okay come on! None of that, mom…don't talk like that. If we can get through hell, so can you."
"I never should have done that to you. Never! Never, never, never!" Amy's pupils began to dilate and her body instantly froze. Her mouth hung open, with her jaw quivering. "Oh god no…"
"Mom?" Teddy put her hand over her mom's hand and squeezed slightly. Amy began screaming for Bob and crying out about some nightmare, a flashback of some sort. Teddy breathed in slowly, recognizing the action from something she'd seen from one of the stripper girls she met in the past. "Mom come back…come back to us." She didn't understand why her mother would be acting like this, but she needed to bring her back into reality somehow. "Mom, you're safe. Come on…it's me, your daughter, Teddy. Gabe and PJ are right here. You're in my apartment, there's nobody else around except for my friend Cece, and she's a police officer. You are perfectly safe, no danger…"
Shadow moved over and began licking Amy's hand. PJ smiled slightly and put his hands into his pockets. "I'm a music teacher, studying to be a college professor." Amy started to breathe again, still quivering. "Gabe's a detective on the force, his wife's a martial arts teacher, and my wife's studying to become a doctor."
"Listen to us Mom, we're here for you, okay? We're here now…none of us hate you." She pressed her lips tight together and closed her eyes, swallowing her own pride. It was taking every ounce of her strength to push away that old resentment that reared its ugly head, but seeing her mom like this was killing her.
"I…I just don't know what to do." Amy leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Shadow's neck. "That…That man showed up again…after all these years…" Gabe started to pale while PJ and Teddy exchanged confused glances. What was it that he knew that they didn't? Then again, he likely didn't know everything.
"What man, Mom? Who are you talking about?"
"He was the reason…he and Petunia…" She shook her head and brought her hands back to her face, clawing at her eyes. Teddy carefully took Amy's wrist and pulled it back.
"Mom. Look at me." Amy slowly looked at her, whimpering slowly. Teddy's eyes began to water as a mix of emotions ran through her. Not only were the memories of those violent fighting days rushing by her, but so was the nauseating fact that Amy was displaying many signs and behaviors that various girls from the strip clubs had displayed. She spoke softly and slowly, opting to be there for her mother. "Mom, I'm going to tell you something, but I don't want you to judge me. Okay?"
"I won't. I promise. I don't want to judge you…you're my baby and I never meant to judge you! I never wanted to turn you away! I-"
"Mom, mom…Mom!" She snapped her fingers and Amy caught her breath. "Just look at me…" Amy slowly nodded her head and moved her pained gaze towards Teddy's compassionate eyes. "Do you want some water? PJ, go grab some water. Gabe, get me a cold rag…" The boys nodded and hurried off. Teddy took another slow breath, feeling her own heart pushing out at her chest. She was angry, but not at her mother, angry that someone may have hurt her mother. She wanted to find this person and tear their throat out. "Mom…when I left, there weren't many opportunities for me. I had only one person I found who was going to help me. He helped me finish high school, but he died, so I had to move to other venues. He was the only respectable one, everyone else was…it was a hard life."
"What…What did you do?"
Teddy strengthened herself mentally, preparing for letting this out. "I had to work at strip clubs, Mom." Amy gasped and her eyes filled with shock and terror, but she didn't say anything. Gabe and PJ returned with a cold rag and a cold water bottle. Teddy watched Amy grip the water bottle, squeezing it with the ferocity of a clamp. "Mom, just focus on me, please…Okay?"
"O-Okay…a stripper?"
"Yes, I had to move east through many clubs until I got here. Cece and Rocky helped me out tremendously, and I'm a head waitress here. I might be able to start an internship at a newspaper company, I don't know yet. But back to the clubs…I've seen a lot of things, I've seen girls breaking down because of bad customers and managers. I've seen girls take their lives, girls as young as fifteen suffering from things that they should never have to go through…whatever you have to say, there's nothing I haven't seen…I'm here for you right now. Trust me."
"I don't want…I don't know how…"
"Take your time. Just baby steps, Mom…baby steps…" Now it was time to drop the bomb. She didn't want to, she didn't believe it could happen, but there was nothing that seemed to sway away from the fact. "Mom, were you…sexually assaulted?" Amy's eyes widened and she quickly looked up at her, stammering for a minute. She closed her eyes and bowed her head. PJ and Gabe remained silent, letting Teddy lead.
"No. I've never been, but…" Amy slowly breathed in, muttering about baby steps. Teddy wasn't sure whether to be relieved yet or not. Just because her mother was never fully sexually assaulted didn't mean that something didn't happen to her. Something happened, maybe someone tried, but whatever it was, she needed to be patient. "When-When I was a young girl, Mom was always going on and on about how sex is bad, sex is evil, and knowledge of sex is the devil."
"Okay…"
"I didn't understand that it was a good thing."
"It is a sacred act, as it should be."
"Yeah, it was Bob that let me know that." Amy took the wet rag offered by Gabe and started patting her face with it. Teddy smiled slightly and took the rag, patting Amy with it herself. "Robert 'Bob' Diddlebock…in high school…he-he tried to force me." Teddy's heart clenched and she stopped the rag on Amy's neck. Her eyes were wide and her body frozen, anger flooded her veins. She'd heard so many stories about that man, but never anything like this. What else was there? "Your father heard me screaming. I…I was pushing him back, but he wouldn't stop pulling at my clothes…Your father came and pulled him off me. He helped me home, my clothes were ruined, but nothing happened."
"Okay…"
"My mother saw this and she immediately blamed me for leading him on!" Teddy cursed mentally and saw PJ turn around, disgusted and angry. Gabe clenched his fists so much that his knuckles were turning white. "Mom always accused me of being the one to make him do it! She even brought the monster over once to apologize to him! Dad couldn't take it, he stayed away from it all, but he was on my side. When mom invited that man over, he tried again…Dad caught him and threw him out of the house. He and mom had a huge fight about it and Mom accused me again of being the devil."
Teddy slowly looked at her brothers. Her stomach was churning bile up her throat, and she was fighting to keep it down. She listened as her mother sobbed and tried to continue. She put her arm around her mother's shoulders and thinned her lips. "Okay Mom, you're doing fine. You don't have to go on if you don't want to."
"N-No, I have to."
"Mom…"
"My mother drilled this concept into my head, and that's why…that's why I was so fearful and I acted the way I did. I didn't even know it. That monster, he-he had guys at school laughing at me, calling me a prude because I wouldn't give it up. They would lift up my skirt and laugh, it stopped in college though…Your father was the captain on the school's wrestling and boxing team, he took Diddlebock outside one day and beat him."
"Go dad," Teddy chuckled vainly while PJ bounced his eyebrows and sighed. Amy smiled at an apparent fond memory. "Your dad was my protector, my savior, and I loved him. Everything about that man I loved…He put up with me, I know I was a depressed wreck after all this. I was depressed, crazy, and it made him start drinking, I know…when you left, it just got worse. I got more depressed and he drank more…then Gabe went to college and he just…he left one night and kept drinking, the next morning…" Amy broke then and started bawling. Teddy moved an arm around her and rocked her back and forth.
"Okay Mom, okay…let's get you some rest, okay?" She started lifting Amy up to walk her towards the guest bedroom. Amy stopped them midway to the room and looked at them.
"He came back, Teddy. A few days ago…he showed up and said he just heard about Bob's death. I was so terrified!" Teddy froze again, feeling her rage rushing through her. How dare that man show up again! She had some choice words for her grandmother, sure, but she wanted to kill that man. "I pushed him out of the door, locked everything and just…there was nothing I could do."
"It's okay Mom, you're safe. He's not here…he's not here, he can't find you, and none of us will let anything happen to you. I promise." The boys agreed and continued walking Amy into the bedroom. "Drink your water, lay back on the bed, and we'll be right outside. Okay?"
"Okay Teddy…but why are you being so nice? You hate me…"
"Like I said…You're my mother, I don't hate you. Now get some rest. If you need anything, shout out." She cleared away the boxes on the bed, then guided Amy onto it.
"I love you. I always have. You and your brothers, and my grandbaby too…can you forgive me? Would you?"
"I forgive you, Mom. It still hurts, but I understand…just, it's going to take some time, okay?" She sat beside her mom and put her hand to her forehead. Amy slowly nodded as she pulled her hand away and let Gabe rest the rag on her forehead. PJ pulled the comforter up to Amy's neck and tucked her in, giving her his usual warm smile. "Now we're just going to be right outside. If you need anything, call for us."
"Okay…"
Teddy stood up and watched as her mom closed her eyes and started to curl up beneath the bed. She took a slow, deep, calming breath and quietly motioned for her brothers to exit. They all left the room and slowly closed the door. PJ smoothed his hair back, shuddering quietly while Gabe put his hand to his gut. Teddy shifted her gaze towards the restroom, ready to bolt in there and bend over that toilet. "I never thought things had been so fucked up," PJ cursed. Teddy put a finger to her lips and guided them out into the living room.
"What are we going to do?" She asked. "I normally wouldn't be the first to admit, but she seems genuinely upset about everything." Maybe they needed to be a family again, let her back and forgive her. It would be difficult to move past the resentments, but probable.
"I have to get back to Trinidad next week," Gabe muttered under his breath. "After that I'm cracking down on this homicide case. I'm not going to be able to see you guys again for a while."
PJ groaned and rubbed his neck. "One of my students has a lesson on Saturday." Teddy frowned and bowed her head, tapping her fingers on her thighs. Of course, life always goes on, no matter what. The world doesn't stop spinning for anyone or anything. "I honestly wish I could be there for your daughter's birthday, Gabe."
"It's okay. Right now, our biggest concern…Mom." He turned to the hallway entrance and visibly grimaced. "She can't go back to Denver. I mean…you saw her! She even said that guy showed up. He knows where she lives."
"Well what do you think we should do? Suggest she moves in with one of us? I can't take her in, my house is already full as it is." He had a point, Teddy barely fit in that guest room that he had. He couldn't possibly take care of Amy, and she would need someone who could be there for her mentally and emotionally. "I can't provide any of the emotional support she's going to need. Skyler probably could, but she's got her studies to focus on."
"Yeah, and my house is small. There's only enough space for Jenny and my wife, we don't have a big home." Teddy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She didn't want to have this talk right now, she didn't even find it necessary yet. Would she take her mother in if she had to? Yes, most likely. Amy wouldn't be a burden to her, but she'd just have to ease up to the woman.
"We'll figure it out guys," she replied, "If she doesn't want to be alone anymore or something, I'll take her in." Likely Amy was getting a retirement pension, so there was that. She could hopefully pull her own weight. "Just need some time to think and to talk to her."
Your thoughts? Do tell.
