Chapter Twenty-Nine
A Week After

School is torture. I'm sure if I ever found some way around it, I'd never come back. No one understands my exact feelings for this place. I mean, I didn't like it before Axel showed up, before I grew used to hearing him and seeing him in the halls. It's not so much the work that gets me, I love learning as much as the next guy, but I just can't stand people. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. I can't stand people, waking up early every day and having to lug this two ton bag around, and school consists of exactly all of those things. Not to mention, every time I sit in the cafeteria I remember the field out back, where I agreed to give Axel a chance into my heart or whatever. Staring at the clock for half the period doesn't help me either. The longer I stare, the slower the hands seem to tick past the numbers. That god damn minute hand seems to be stuck right above the eleven and no matter how many times the little red one spins around the clock, nothing changes. I groan before my head weighs down the whole top half of my torso and my face makes hard contact with the top of my desk.

It doesn't help that everyone is asking where my adoptive brother went to. I try my best to ignore them, because there is no way in hell I am going to even contribute to their stupid little gossip mill but even if I don't answer their questions, I still hear them. Each time some Cindy or Robert comes up to me, spewing idiocy from their mouth, Axel's face comes to mind. With every "hey, where's that redheaded guy?" another piece of my heart breaks off and my soul shrivels just a little more. I can't dodge all the questions, and it's really wearing me out. I can't remember when the last time I've had a good night's sleep. I can definitely tell this new found insomnia is going to lead to trouble, especially when my teacher looks over at me and sets her book down on my desk. I stare at the faded blue spine of the poor abused thing and wonder why my so-called prestigious school is so damn cheap. I mean, my parents pay god knows how much for my tuition, and they have me learning from out-dated books? This is an outrage. "Roxas, either my class is boring you, or your head has outgrown your neck," The entire class bursts out laughing and you can forget about me ever changing my mind on the human race. Brutes, the whole lot of them.

With tremendous effort, I pull my face away from the cool top and stare up at the teacher with a bored expression, hoping she'll understand and leave. I look towards the clock and curse when I realize it's exactly where it was last time. When I turn my head she's still standing there like she wants me to say something to her but I don't know what the hell she wants. Why can't she just leave me alone and let me wallow in my heart-broken misery? Even if I've been wallowing in said misery for the greater half of this week, she still has no right in taking away precious time. I'm sure if I were to pay attention, I'd find different things in her lesson that remind me of Axel and that's the last thing I want. You see, even if I've been soaking in my sadness, I haven't been directly thinking of that redheaded bastard. Well, that is until now. Stupid teacher and having to come over here. I don't understand why she has to make sure my head is up, when she has a whole classroom of students who actually want her to speak to them.

Finally, when she's convinced my head won't reattach itself to the desk, she walks away and opens her book back to it's previous page. Once again, she starts talking about god knows what and I turn my stare towards the clock on the wall. The stupid fucking hand is now hovering over between the eleven and twelve, like it's scared to pass over or something. I decide that if I keep staring, it's not going to make a difference so I look away slowly, my eyes moving from the clock towards the rest of the class. I catch Hayner sending me a worried look and I raise an eyebrow at him before he motions for me to check my cellphone. With a quick glance at the teacher to make sure she isn't watching, I reach into my pocket and find that he's sent me one text message.

R U O.K?

I try not to cringe at the sight of Hayner's cyber speak, but I still do just a little as I reply. I ask him why the hell he's asking such a question, because as far as I'm concerned I haven't really given anyone a reason to worry about me. I mean, I only missed two days of school and I lied and told everyone I was home with the flu. Sora got a kick out of that one and luckily no one asked him why he found my illness so funny. Olette was the only one from the group to ask where Axel was, and I don't know if it was the look I gave her, or the way my voice came out sounding, but no one has brought up the redhead again. I didn't lie about where Axel went, I told them he had packed his things and moved out with his brother.

Hayner doesn't reply, instead the bell finally rings and I shoot out of my seat as the teacher reminds us that we have an important test in a few days. It goes in one ear and out the other, I'm sure by tonight I'll have forgotten all about it. Hayner catches me on the way out of the class and grabs onto my elbow, I spin around and he's still giving me that look which tells me he plans on talking this out in person. "Roxas, don't bullshit me. I can see right through you," he squints at me and I have to roll my eyes, tugging my arm out of his grip. Trying to walk faster than someone who has longer legs than you is always a lost battle, I'd have to start jogging to get away from Hayner and I wouldn't want to draw that kind of attention to myself. So, I'm stuck walking with him along side me the whole way to the cafeteria, staring at me intensely, just waiting for me to cave and tell him.

I make it all the way to the table without uttering a single word, and when I sit down Hayner can't seem to believe it. He follows quietly and thankfully doesn't bring up anything in front of the girls. Lord knows they'd start a riot if they thought something were wrong with my feelings. Sora seems to be acting stranger than usual and Riku isn't even touching his yogurt. This worries me because he's usually wolfing it down, no matter what is going on around him. Finally my cousin looks up and glares so nastily at Riku, I almost feel sorry for the silver haired teen. "You are such an asshole," Sora hisses before pushing away from the table and storming off. Riku sighs, standing up and grabbing his yogurt. He gives me a look before turning and making his way towards the back doors, throwing out his parfait before disappearing from sight. After the look he gave me, I can't help but feel like what just happened is my fault. Olette stands slowly at the same time as I do, but I shake my head at her.

"Let me go handle Sora," Hayner rolls his eyes looking at me as if to say I'm the last person who should be giving anyone emotional advice but he's dumb, he knows nothing. I ignore him for now because I have more important things to do, like find where my cousin went to and why he's freaking out.

King Harts Private School isn't a very large facility but once you have to look for someone, it seems huge. There are so many bathrooms and just rooms in general that my cousin could be hiding in. What makes all this worse is that I don't even know how upset Sora is. If he's really pissed, he could easily go to the office and sign out. I pick up the pace, hoping to catch him before he leaves school property and I find him just about to go into the theater. I catch up and when he looks at me, his eyes are glossy and a little red. He looks surprised but I keep quiet and lead him into the dark theater. The drama teacher is never around during lunch, so she usually let's people spend time in here, as long as nothing is vandalized or stolen. I doubt anything like that would happen though, every corner of this school is covered with video surveillance.

"What happened?" I ask my cousin as he tosses his bag onto the stage and pulls himself onto it shortly after. I decide to sit right in the first row and toss my bag on the floor. My cousin crosses his legs before taking a deep breath, for a minute, I'm almost sure he's going to start meditating.

"Riku said he isn't going to give me Axel's number," Sora looks seriously hurt by this and I feel disappointment curling in the pit of my stomach. I don't even know why though, I knew this was going to happen. I had totally expected it. I'm almost sure I even stated that he'd never hand over the number to us. "We've been fighting this whole week...it's wearing me out. I don't know Roxas," My cousin has this very gloomy look in his eyes and it upsets me. I've never seen my cousin look ready to give up but at this moment, he seems just about ready to toss in the towel. I can't believe my cousin's relationship is suffering because of me, a relationship that was going along great before any of my problems got thrown into the mix. I feel horrible and I tell Sora that. "Shut up. You're family."

"So is Riku...technically," I roll my wrist around and Sora rolls his eyes, shaking his head before jumping off the stage and stretching. "Well...That's it then..." I don't know why I feel so crushed but I do. For some reason I let a tiny seed of hope plant itself in my heart and now I'm feeling it dry up and die.

"No, it's not. I'm sure we can find Axel...How'd your mom find Reno? It's not like he's hiding, so it should be easy," My cousin wipes at his eyes and I stand up, grabbing him before he hurries out of the theater, leaving his bag and everything to run off and do I don't even know what. I honestly don't even think he knows. What's important though, is making sure Sora stops crying. He isn't the type of person you'd want to see upset, it'll make you feel awkward because he's Sora. He's never sad.

"Sora, stop. You fix things with Riku and leave this to me," I smile softly at my cousin but he seems to deflate, his shoulders sagging and his hair drooping along with them. That gloomy look in his eyes in haunting but I can't seem to pull away from his stare. I really do feel bad for messing up his stuff with Riku. He deserves to be happy, and I know he won't be able to, if he keeps fighting with his boyfriend over my dead relationship.

"If I leave it to you..." Sora takes a deep breath and hesitates before not saying anything and just shaking his head back and forth a few times. I cross my arms over my chest and huff indignantly, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Does he think I won't be able to do it or something? I mean, if I really wanted to, I could find Axel. It's just I know it'll be all in vain, the redhead is never going to speak to me ever again. "If I fix things with Riku, promise to at least start looking for Axel..."

"Sora...he probably never wants to hear from me again," My cousin slaps too fast for me to even attempt at blocking it and the sound seems to echo throughout the empty theater. I stare at my cousin in shock and he glares at me, before turning and ripping his bag off the stage.

"Shut up, you don't know that. Promise me Roxas, or else I'll do it..." He looks so set on this, it seems that even if I don't agree to try and find Axel, he'll still do it himself, even without Riku or my help. I'm starting to think he's got his own unfinished business with the redhead, and I send him a quizzical look.

"Why do you want to find him so bad anyway?" For a second, I think he's going to slap me again and he looks mildly offended. I have to hurry to catch up because he turns and stalks away from me, stomping his feet and I don't know when he'll stop, which is why I almost smack right into his back when he halts abruptly in the middle of the isle.

"Roxas, you obviously didn't see yourself...I've never seen you so happy. You...you look all dead now without him. I can't stand seeing you like this. You're like an 80 year old man trapped inside a teenager!" My cousin throws up his hands in frustration and I just watch him with a small smile. It means a lot to me that Sora would go through all this trouble just to help me.

"Okay Sora, I promise..."

"I mean, you guys are obviously in love! It's crazy to just let this...Oh...really?" My cousin grins brightly, gripping his school bag strap tightly and I nod my head.

"No promises, but I'll at least start looking..." I feel anxiety bubble up in my stomach, and the slight chance of me actually finding something excites me. The tiny chance of actually hearing Axel, even if for a few seconds over the phone, makes my heart start racing and my palms get all sweaty.

I really want to talk to him.

I get home and throw my bag at the door, I can hear my mother wobbling around the kitchen and I try to get upstairs before she hears that I'm home. Our relationship has slowly crumbled to the point where we don't even eat dinner together anymore. I can't be in the same room with her for too long because she'll eventually say something that will make us argue. I know it's driving my dad crazy, but he doesn't say anything. Instead he sits there and waits for me to storm off, up the stairs and into Axel's room. I've heard my mother crying before, but I know she's heard me crying too. If my pain doesn't bother her, then her pain won't effect me. Though, I can't lie, hearing her sobs does hurt me a little. "Roxas?"

Fuck, she heard me. "Yeah..." I don't make it to the stairs before she walks out of the dinning room and into the foyer. She smiles at me, leaning on her cane and just staring at me from the door way. To think, a few months back, we were cool. Now there's this tension laying just beneath all our interactions. I watch her smile slowly melt away as her eyes fall onto my dress pants. I had unbuttoned them in the car, and on my way in they started to sag. I'm holding them up from the front, but my mom obviously doesn't see that. She's frowning and I know she's going to say something. Here it comes, another fight.

"Why are you wearing your pants like that now?" The way she says it makes me bristle with anger. It's like she's implying that I'm trying to copy Axel or something, seeing as he always sagged his school uniform. I stare at her, my mouth just opening and closing. She seems to be hell bent on the idea that I'm just copying my sexuality and everything else off of Axel. It's really wearing me down.

"What do you mean? I unbuttoned them in the car mom, wow..." I turn my back on her, intent on leaving it like this and going upstairs to shower but she obviously has other plans.

"Roxas...you're changing...this isn't who you are," I stop mid step and the hand on the railing squeezes really hard, I can hear my mother shuffling behind me, switching her cane from right to left and I contemplate just going upstairs. I can't though because what she just said makes no sense. I'm exactly the same as I've always been, she's just reading too far into everything I'm doing. Ever since she found out about me, she's been acting like I'm a whole different person, like I'm some big phony. It's as if I don't have my own personality and I'm just sucking out everyone else's. Or at least, she makes it seem that way. In all honesty, I'm exactly as grouchy and temperamental as I was before Axel came along. She just doesn't want to accept the fact that any strain on our relationship is her fault and not my gayness'. If she'd just accept that this is who I am, and that this isn't some big identity crisis, we'd be able to start patching things up. I mean, I can show her a real identity crisis if she wants.

"Mom, I'm exactly the same person...I don't know what you're talking about," I don't turn around because I always have trouble listening to the things she says facing her. It hurts a lot worse when I see the expressions dance across her features, the anger, disappointment and plain nonacceptance. I try and make my voice sound as drained of energy as I can and hope she'll get the hint. She obviously doesn't, because she keeps going.

"You aren't Roxas! You're just confused, trying to find yourself...it's alright to ask for help, I can help you get on track again...I can help you get past this mess," I can picture her reaching out to me, but I couldn't even imagine how I'd react if she were to touch me right now. Anger is already buzzing around inside of me like a swarm of angry hornets and I grind my teeth hard into each other, my nails scratching the gloss on the railing. I can't believe she is referring to my suffering as some big mess, as if I'm not really hurt and I'm just pretending to be torn up about Axel leaving. She doesn't even know how much I care about him, she doesn't understand anything. If she wants to see a different person, I will give her a fucking different person.

"You think this is off track? You think this is all some big fucking hissy fit?" I turn around to say(scream) this to her, glaring the entire time and she just looks up at me, eyes watery and sad. I'm getting so tired of everyone around me looking at me like that. Why is everyone all depressed all of the sudden?

"Roxas..." I start making my way up the stairs before she answers and I hear her start to struggle up after me. I hurry, using my good legs to my advantage. I manage to lock myself in Axel's bathroom before she makes it up, and I hear her knocking on the room door. I look around before diving towards the cabinets. I stop for a few seconds when I see it, and the decision is made in no more than 3 seconds. I pick up the hair trimmer and take off my uniform, staying in nothing but my boxers. My hands are shaking when I plug the stupid thing in, and my stomach turns when I turn it on and hear the loud buzz. I turn it off, figuring I should cut my hair down before shaving it or maybe I'm just stalling. I move around on stiff legs and curl my fingers in the scissor rings when I find them in the drawer. This is it...once I do the first snip, I can't go back.

Sniiiiiip

It's slow and dragged out, and I watch the blonde tuft of hair float down to the ground. Once it makes contact, I get the courage to keep going. I've never actually noticed how long my hair is, and now that I'm chopping it all off, I realize just how much I have. It takes a while, but finally it's all trimmed down and I pick up the trimmer again. I hesitate before figuring, I've cut my hair up in horrible chunks, the only thing left to do is shave it off. Besides, I'm not getting rid of all of it, there'll be some left. The trimmer is set to the longest cut anyway. It vibrates in my hand as I lift it up to my head, and I close my eyes, dragging it along my scalp and feeling the hair slowly fall away.

It takes me an hour before I deem my barber job good enough, and I put the trimmer away. I'm too scared to actually stop and stare at myself for a long amount of time, so the fact that all my hair is practically gone hasn't sunken in yet. When I finally have nothing left to clean, I stop in front of the sink and look up. All that's left is a few centimeters of blonde, my long shaggy hair and bangs are completely gone. I blink a few times, staring at my face, so exposed and out in the open. It makes me look tough to be honest, like some Russian prisoner named Vladimir Destroykavich or something. I grin a little at myself, picking up my uniform and marching out into the room. I go to the closet to dump the uniform and I stop, staring at the leather jacket left on the hanger. I reach out and touch it gently, the cold sleeve feeling surreal against my finger tips. I drop everything and tug the jacket out, inhaling the scent deeply. Its a mixture of leather and of Axel.

With a crazy smile I slip it on, and zip it up. It's a little big, but it's a start in the right direction. My mom wants to see a damn change, I'll give her something to complain about. I mean, I've never rebelled before in my life, now is a good a time as any. I turn around and gather a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt. I don't know where I'm going and if my mother asks me, I'll just ignore her. Thank god my dad isn't home for another few hours, so by the time he gets here, I'll be gone. I collect my cellphone from my uniform pant pocket and turn to give myself one more once over.

The sight of my buzz cut is a shock every time, and the leather jacket really adds to the look. I grin at my reflection, and set to leave the house. I don't know exactly what I'm doing this for but I just feel like I have to. The change actually makes me feel a little excited, something I was convinced I'd never feel again. I can't stand staying home anymore anyway, this entire week has been torture.

When I step into the foyer, my mother appears at the dinning room doorway and gasps. She drops her cane and leans against the wall. I watch her from the corner of my eye as I snatch the keys off the corner table. I grip them tight in my fist, just waiting for her to say something. She doesn't speak until I grab the old pair of motorcycle boots my father bought me a few years ago. They are the only shoes I have that will match this new look and I slip them on. I shove one hand in my pocket and pull the door open with the other. It's when I'm about to step out that my mother speaks.

"Roxas...what...where..." She stammers for a few minutes and I finally just walk out and close the door. Once the door is shut and I'm out of her sight, I run towards my car and rip the door open, tossing myself in and starting up the engine. I've never just walked out on my parents before, and the rush of being disobedient is exhilarating. I can't stop smiling as I pull out and zoom down the quiet street and away from home. The freedom and over all adrenaline pumping through me, sets it all in stone.

The new Roxas is here, and he just might stay. I mean, I haven't felt this happy since Axel left. Any little ounce of sunshine I can get, I'll take.


A/N: Roxas rebelling has a point, and no, it's not just so I can imagine him with a buzz cut for the next few chapters.
Nope...not at all.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy. The next chapter should be two weeks or a month after Axel's departure. You'll see just what Roxas has gotten into then 8D
Also, I already know how this story is going to end. I know it's either happy or sad...but y'all don't ;D

Hey what's that? -points off into the distance, waits for everyone to look, runs-