The Iron Sole Alchemist Goes to Hogwarts (Chapter 39) The Yule Ball
by Howlin
(Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to any of the universes, places, or characters, and only claim the protagonist, Sloth, and Loki as my own creation. This is fan fiction, and I don't profit from it. Please don't sue me.)


Ravenclaw tower had the best view of all the house common rooms. It was trivial to set up a stand to mount my omniocculars on, pointed toward the Durmstrang ship. With the other Ravenclaws properly on my side for a change, I could leave it set up all day with a do not disturb sign. I could review the footage each evening at high speed and slow it down if anything interesting happened.

I still hadn't gotten a chance to talk to Krum when an announcement was made in Charms. Professor Flitwick explained that as part of the tournament festivities, there would be a Yule Ball, which was a formal party with dancing. All students fourth year and up were allowed to attend, as could younger guests if they came as the date of an older student. It was to take place on the evening of Christmas day.

The Triwizard champions and their dance partners traditionally opened the ball. Hopefully, that meant I could talk to Krum there if I couldn't catch him before that point. When we gathered for fencing that evening, I took a quick tally and smiled, noting we had an even gender balance. Apparently, they'd gotten announcements themselves.

"If you want to go to the ball with them, just ask them," Sloth was saying to Hermione and Ginny, exasperated. "If you wait for them to make a move, who knows how long you'll be waiting? Greed didn't get it until I stripped naked in front of him."

Ginny and Hermione looked scandalized. Sloth was just rolling her eyes.

"To be fair," I said, "you did that to try and win an argument about how unattractive you were and how no one would ever want to be with you."

Sloth blushed at the reminder, and I smiled and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

"It turns out me and Harry having dates to the ball is mandatory," I said, wrinkling my nose at the idea of mandatory dating. "Would you like to come with me?"

"You didn't think I'd let you take anyone else, did you?" asked Sloth. "Of course I'll go with you."

"We can finally make up for missing out on the dancing at Sir Nicholas' deathday party," I said.

"Now, you two," said Sloth, turning on Ginny and Hermione. "I'm not going to listen to you both complaining all the way till Christmas about not getting asked. Both of you, march up to them this instant and ask them to the ball."

"But-" started Ginny.

"Now!"" snapped Sloth.

Ginny went over to Harry, and Hermione approached Ron. I turned to Sloth and asked, "Have they been annoying you that bad?"

"You have no idea," replied Sloth. "I don't know what books Hermione's been reading, but she's got it in her head that you get a boy to like you by flirting with everyone but him. Like if he sees you dating someone else, it'll make him want you more, instead of doing the reasonable thing and backing off and being happy for you."

"Wow, that is bad advice," I agreed.

"And she was trying to drag Ginny along in that scheme," said Sloth. "I keep hearing about it because they keep including me in 'girl talk'."

"Actually, I was thinking about asking someone else," Harry was saying apologetically.

"Who?" asked Ginny.

"Cho. Cho Chang from Ravenclaw," replied Harry.

"When you see her, can you ask for my History of Magic essay back?" asked Luna.

Harry blinked and asked, "She's in fifth year. Why would she have your History of Magic essay?"

"Nargles," said Luna. "Ravenclaw tower's busy with them. They stole my paper when I was asleep and hid it in one of her books. I saw it there the next day and tried to explain, but I don't think she believed me."

Harry's face hardened. "I'll get your paper back," he said. Then he turned to Ginny and asked, "Still want to go to the ball with me?"

Ginny smiled. "More than ever. I'll come with you when you talk to Cho."

Neville looked around the room briefly, then walked over to Luna and said, "Do you want to come to the ball with me?"

Luna looked at Neville for a long moment, then said, "I didn't think I'd get to go. I'll write home and have some dress robes owled in."

"Speaking of which," I said, clapping my hands. I transmuted a small pendant in the shape of a key with a transmutation circle on it. I set a red stone fragment in an open space and handed it to Luna. "Touch this to your trunk and it'll be sealed so no unlocking charm can open it. Touch it again to unlock it. Think of it as an early Christmas present. To keep out the Nargles."


Harry and Ginny both got detentions after retrieving Luna's paper. Cho'd been subjected to a particularly nasty hex from Ginny at some point in the confrontation. Both agreed it was worth it.

Viktor Krum wasn't coming back into the castle to read in the library since our brief duel. My surveillance of the Durmstrang ship showed he was still alive and in good health. He'd taken to stepping out on dock, stripping to his trunks, and diving into the cold December water of the lake. I verified none of the other Durmstrang students were taking dips in the lake, and that no one else in Ravenclaw had noticed him doing it before the dragons. This was the sort of clue I'd been looking for.

On a night I'd have to be awake at midnight for Astronomy lessons anyway, I slippe on my new invisibility cloak, grabbed my golden egg, and made my way down through the castle to where the hidden boat landing the first year students arrived in was. I folded my cloak next to the water, set my wand and time turner on top, and shifted my clothes to a set of black, skintight swimming trunks. Then I slipped into the ice cold water with my egg.

Viktor had spent a lot of time underwater, so I allowed myself to sink beneath the surface, then I opened my egg. Opening it underwater, the shrieking, wailing sound was modulated into a comprehensible song.

"Come seek us where our voices sound,
We cannot sing above the ground,
And while you're searching, ponder this:
We've taken what you'll surely miss,
An hour long you'll have to look,
And to recover what we took,
But past an hour, the prospect's black,
Too late, it's gone, it wont' come back."

When I surfaced, I quickly verified that my cloak, wand, and time turner were still there. They hadn't been stolen while I listened to the message. Still, something I valued had been taken or would be taken before the second trial. I'd have an hour to search underwater or whatever the beings who made this recording took would be gone forever.

This was far worse than the dragons. I'd taken some swimming lessons, but I still wasn't great in the water. I didn't have to breathe, but that didn't excuse me from giving an explanation for how I was able to stay underwater so long anyway. And if I couldn't manage it inside the time limit, it wasn't just losing points int he tournament. I'd lose something important to me.

I passed the details along to Harry the next time we met up, and suggested he confirm his egg said the same thing mine had. After a quick trip to the bathroom, he had confirmed it was the same message.

"I may need that homunculus body after all," said Harry. "You don't need to breathe, do you?"

"What about using Gillyweed?" asked Neville.

"What?" asked Harry.

"It's a water plant," said Neville. "Witches in the Mediterranean use them to dive underwater. The effects last about an hour. I've been reading a book with them in it."

"That's brilliant, Neville," said Harry.

"We should order some extras an practice with them," I suggested. "Get used to the effects before we have ot use it for rea."

"We also need to get it without Krum or Fleur seeing us do it," added Ron. "Otherwise, Hogwarts loses its edge."

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend before the second task," noted Hermione. "We can have the Gillyweed sent to the post office and pick it up there."

"Oh, incidentally," I said, "I think Dumbledore has the Elder Wand."

"Greed," said Hermione, "that's a fairy tale. We've been over this. The Deathly Hallows aren't real."

"Grindewald believed in them," I said. "At the very least, he thought he'd found the Elder Wand."

"But he didn't," said Ron. "He lost a duel with Dumbledore and was locked away in Nurmengard."

"And Dumbledore's wielded the wand Grindewald used to carry ever since. And it's made of elder wood."

"The whole point of the Elder Wand is that it always wins duels," argued Ron. "If Grindewald had it, Dumbledore wouldn't have won."

"Unless there was more to that duel than we know," I said. "If he found a way to trick Grindewald into fighting with another wand..."

"I can't believe this," exclaimed Hermione. "You're supposed to be the sensible one, Greed."

"Let's say you're right," said Harry. "That's two Hallows accounted for. Where's the third? What the Resurrection Stone does is unique. The Cloak and the Wand are just really good versions of regular objects. You find the Resurrection Stone, no one's going to doubt you."


The promise of the Yule Ball resulted in far more students staying for the Christmas holidays than usual. Though we didn't have the castle all to ourselves, we still had a lot of fun. The decorations were even more spectacular than usual in an attempt to impress our visitors from abroad.

Fleur had been having a hard time settling in to the castle all year. She clearly missed Beauxbatons, and spent much of her time comparing Hogwarts to her school unfavorably. It was posturing, no worse than what we were doing, but her veela heritage caused most of the boys to ignore the criticisms entirely (or back her up in an effort to gain her favor) and most of the girls to take extreme offense to every little thing she said. I was so glad Snape had drilled in the occlumency lessons so hard last year.

On Christmas day, I awoke to find a stack of gifts. The house elves, as usual, had delivered them with care and stealth. Molly Weasley had once again provided a hideous sweater. It was good to be reminded I was considered as good as family after helping rescue Ginny in second year, but the woman had terrible fashion sense. That was when I remembered that she had visited Diagon Alley on my behalf while I was at the World Cup, and picked out dress robes for me. As I suspected, they were the same horrible orange as the sweater.

Fortunately, I was in fact a talented alchemist, and had little trouble putting together some new formal wear. Something I hoped Sloth would appreciate, and in which I could make a statement at the ball proper.

Other gifts included a book of wizard fairy tales, an assortment of seeds form various magical plants from Neville, and a sampling of Fred and George's inventions including improved ton tongue toffees and canary creams that briefly turn the eater into a canary. The effects of the later lasted just long enough to get what had just happened before you molted your feathers and returned to normal.

After a long and vicious snowball fight, we all returned to our rooms to get changed before returning to the Great Hall. Sloth had apparently had the same reaction to whatever Mrs. Weasley had picked out for her as I did. We turned heads as we made our way through the crowd of students arm in arm.

Sloth had taken her hair out of its usual braids and allowed it to cascade down her back. She'd transmuted herself a long, sleeveless red dress and a pair of full length gloves to match. Her shoes were perfectly shined black flats.

I had donned an appropriately sized reproduction of my old Amestrian military uniform, with all rank insignia removed. I felt both formally attired, and at ease in the blue, gold trimmed outfit. My pistol holster had been replaced with a wand holster without impacting the uniform's look. The only thing missing was my silver pocket watch, which I'd turned in when I left the military.

"What are you wearing?" asked Harry, who was in green dress robes and standing off to the side.

"Traditional Amestrian formal wear," I said, prompting a giggle from Sloth.

The delegation from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang arrived, and everyone but the champions and their dates were sent in to the Great Hall. We were sent in as part of a formal procession and directed to the head table with the judges. Barty Crouch was absent, with Percy Weasley taking his place. It seemed Barty Crouch had taken ill. I made sure to take a seat next to Viktor Krum.

"Viktor, I want to apologize," I said as I sat down. "I honestly had no idea that symbol was associated with Grindewald. I looked up what he did after the fight, and I can say I want nothing to do with him. Will you accept my apology?"

"I am sorry too," said Krum, accepting my offered hand and shaking it. "I assumed the worst and did not let you explain. I have given my school a bad name with my outburst."

"Let's start over as friends," I suggested. "That is what this tournament is about, isn't it?"

"I would like that very much," replied Krum with relief in his voice. He'd clearly been agonizing over our scuffle as much as I had.

With that awkwardness behind me, I could relax and enjoy dinner. Rather than the usual method of the tables filling with food and us filling our own plates, we'd been given menus and speaking our order to our plate caused our requested item to appear. Sloth happily ordered pork chops and mashed potatoes, and I ordered the roast.

After everyone had eaten, it was time for the dancing. Dumbledore had hired a famous wizarding band called the Weird Sisters. The champions and partners were to open the dancing with a slow waltz. I paid attention to the other dancers only to the extent needed to avoid colliding with them.

Song after song, Sloth and I remained on the dance floor as a permanent feature. We didn't get tired, or sore, or thirsty, so there was little reason to stop dancing. Neither of us were very good at it on a technical level, but we made up for it with enthusiasm, and by the close of the ball, our dancing had improved noticeably.

It felt right, having my arms around her, dancing close, and showing affection in public. As though we had a right to have our feelings acknowledged. Officially, tonight was about the tournament and our foreign guests,but from the moment I managed to patch things up with Krum, the evening was all about Sloth and I.


A couple days after Christmas, our group had vanished up our fencing lessons in the Chamber of Secrets. Headless Nick had floated back up to the castle proper. Hermione stopped the others from leaving.

"Have a look," she said, holding up an official looking document. "I'm officially registered as an animagus." She turned briefly into a large bear to show it off. On resuming human form, she said, "We've all been working hard all year while you've been busy with that triwizard stuff. Though I am the only one who registered."

Luna took the form of a silvery moth. Ron became a red furred ferret. Ginny became a falcon. Neville just stood back, looking embarrassed.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked him.

"Well, this is really advanced transfiguration, and it can go really wrong if you don't do it perfectly, and you know I still have trouble with switching spells," Neville mumbled his way through a list of excuses.

"It's okay, Neville," said Harry. "Most witches and wizards never attempt this. My dad didn't try until he was in fifth year."

"Speaking of dangerous techniques that can go horribly wrong if you don't get them just right," I said, "we'll be starting in on your next major set of alchemy lessons tonight."

The others trickled out, with congratulations all around, leaving Ron and I alone. I double checked all the security, then turned to him.

"Okay, you've finished everything you need to know about soul attachments. Today's the day we start on human transmutation. The things you'll be learning represent the greatest taboo in Amestrian alchemy. In Amestris, performing a human transmutation is treated the same way using the unforgivable curses is treated here."

"Why?" asked Ron.

"Mostly because it's difficult, dangerous, costly,and doesn't work right for its intended purpose. Usually, when an alchemist attempted this, they would be trying to bring back the dead. It never works for that purpose, instead giving birth to a whole new life, utterly inhuman and in constant agony."

"So why are you teaching me it?" asked Ron.

"I can not," I offered. "As always, you're free to stop at any time. But I'm telling you this as a warning. If you don't have a mind and soul ready to attach when you perform your human transmutation, the result will still be alive, sentient, and more often than not, resentful of you for creating it. It's how Sloth was born.

"My method is different, but still carries a lot of the same risks as the traditional method. Under my process, you create a body with no mind ot speak of, attaching an existing mind and soul just like you would bind a soul to armor."

"Okay, you keep bringing up risks. Are you ready to explain that?"

"Once you've gathered the right ingredients and activated the circle, you will find yourself before what we call the Gate. It's a set of massive double doors in a place flooded with light. The doors will open and tiny imp like creatures with purple eyes and bodies made of shadow tear pieces of your body off you. You'll have a hard time noticing this, because while the Gate is opened, your mind will be flooded with all the knowledge in the universe. What we call the Truth.

"That sounds like a good thing, and it is, but it's also way more than a human mind can handle. You can only retain an infinitesimally small portion of the whole. One thing alchemists retain after exposure to the Truth is the knowledge of how to clasp your hands together and make an array with your body, circulating the energy within. It's how I transmute without a stone or a circle, just by clapping."

"Wait, can we go back to these creatures?" asked Ron with alarm.

"I don't know what they are," I admitted. "Some theorize they're the souls of the dead. Others posit they're a kind of larval form of homunculi. Whatever they are, they have the ability to break down your body parts with a touch. They can be fought, but you won't be able to on your first exposure to the Gate. They will take something from you. There is a risk that they will take everything."

"This sounds really dangerous."

"It is. This is why I was so insistent you not attempt bio alchemy on a human being. Human transmutation summons the Gate. There are other ways too, but this is usually what alchemists are doing when they see the Gate.

"In any case, Tom wants a homunculus body for himself. If you have a Philosopher's Stone, you can make one without seeing the Gate. With the Stone unavailable, the circle I'm going to teach you is the only way."

"Okay, so I make a homunculus based on myself, attach my soul to it, and I'm immortal like you. Is that it?"

"You can do it alone like that. I did. But it's a lot easier and safer if you've got someone with you. When a homunculus is created, its body is put together all wrong. Bones out of alignment. Mismatched organs. Raw, exposed nerves everywhere. It's absolute agony, worse than you can imagine. You don't gain a human form until you eat enough red stones. It's a lot easier if someone else attaches your soul and feeds you red stones."

"After that, as long as I've got red stones in me, I can regenerate and come back from anything."

"Even if you run out of red stones, you won't properly die. You just won't regenerate the fatal injury. If someone subsequently puts a red stone in your mouth and forces it down your throat, you'll regenerate back to life.

"Only two things can kill a homunculus permanently. Empty them of red stones and deliver a fatal wound in the presence of the remains of the human they were based on, or sacrifice them in a special transmutation circle that summons the Gate."

"So, once I learn this, I can make all my friends and family homunculi. We're only waiting on me, Harry, and the others because we'll stop ageing once we do this."

"There is another concern," I said. "Tommy tried to possess me and Sloth in first year. We kept him out with occlumency, but if we construct homunculus bodies for anyone without the training to resist, we might as well be handing him his resurrection on a silver platter."


Viktor Krum was back at his usual post at the Hogwarts library after our reconciliation at the Yule Ball. I made a point to stop by and talk to him. It turned out, he was rather sensitive about his accent, which was why one never heard him talk much. With a little encouragement, he opened up and proved a very friendly person. He'd been impressed by Harry's flying against the dragons and had been shocked when he'd been told I took on my dragon head on with just a flame freezing charm and a shield charm.

His English wasn't good enough for much subtlety, but he kept bringing the conversation around to Hermione. It turned out he had a crush on her. He'd wanted to ask her to the Yule Ball, but hid away in the Durmstrang ship after our duel, convinced she'd hate him for attacking one of her friends. I agreed to introduce them properly.

Ron was conflicted, but after being assured by Hermione, Viktor Krum was socializing with our group for the rest of the holiday. We learned a lot about Durmstrang from him once he got talking. At first, it seemed he was having trouble pronouncing Hermione's name, but after Sloth called him out on the fact that no fully trained wizard should be having this much trouble pronouncing unfamiliar words, given how important pronunciation was in spell casting, he admitted he was putting on. He just thought Hermione was cute when she was in teaching mode.

Krum was never let in on our secrets, which helped Ron feel more secure, though whenever Krum was trying to get Hermione's attention, Ron would become openly affectionate with her. Krum eventually got the hint. Fortunately, we were able to put all other hard feelings behind us, to the point that Ron even asked for an autograph.


Author's comments:
The relationship drama in the original was never something I enjoyed, so this is more or less the last we'll be seeing of it in this fic.