Chapter Twenty Eight: The monkeys have learned! They are armed with Fans! The perfect weapon! How could we have missed this?! Their destructive potential has no limit now! All hope is lost! This isn't a title! Why aren't you guys helping!?

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Everyone stilled as the air around them contorted.

As if seeing the Fourth Hokage and his Wife somehow alive and in action wasn't a big enough shock already.

"Temporal loop engaging. Please stand by." Scab stated as emotionlessly as ever through the monitors in Konoha, Suna, Kiri, Taki, and Kumo.

"Temporal WHAT?!" More than one person shouted, with an even greater number turning pale as they digested the words.

Even more voices were raised as the screens they were watching went blank.

"Due to the large number of significant events happening simultaneously, it is impossible to accurately display all activity at once." Scab lectured. "To accommodate for this, a temporal loop will be enacted on all viewers such that all events will be covered in a satisfactory manner."

"Oh well, that makes things much better now that we know that you're manipulating time on a massive and unrecorded scale on us!" The Raikage shouted at the device, incredibly tempted to destroy it right then and there. He had no idea what the repercussions of being stuck in a massive alteration of timespace could result in, but he sure as hell was not going to risk it any more than he had to. Destroying the tool now while it was in use was suicidal, but the second he determined it was safe, the thing was scrap metal.

"If any of you are concerned as to how and why I am capable of such feats… Science." Scab's avatar on the screen deadpanned.

In Konoha, Ghost, Shadow, Waltz, Dima, and Sylvia all screamed like small children, flinching and instantly looking for the nearest and safest escape routes out of this reality, and then writing them off because those routes were probably trapped with more Science.

In Kumo, Bee and Yugito instantly moved behind a very confused A, as if using him as a human shield.

In Kiri, Zabuza unsheathed his sword, got into a defensive position, and began looking around as though he was about to be assaulted by his mortal enemy.

In Taki, Tenten shivered uncontrollably while Crypt wrapped himself around Neji like a snake, gnawing on the distressed teen's head because the inconsolable madman needed comfort food.

"… Neopolitaaaaaaaaan."

And in Suna… everyone just looked around confused.

"Why do I have the feeling we're missing out on something important?" Kankuro turned to his siblings and Chiyo.

"That, boy, is the sensation known as dodging a bullet." The old woman deadpanned. "I thought you were supposed to be smart. Why would you want to know what he is talking about when you know that it'll probably scar you?" Gaara and Temari nodded in agreement with their elder.

Back in Konoha, Anko, Hana, Specks, and Skyler were looking at the powerhouses that had been sitting with them, now hiding behind some pillars and or holding onto one another.

"I feel like I'm missing something vital to my continued existence." Skyler was on guard.

"Seriously guys?" Anko groaned. "He wasn't talking about experimenting on you when he said that."

"Yes I was." Scab corrected her through the speakers. "Science is all. Science is everything. Science is not restricted by its use in unrelated subjects that had nothing to do with the misery of others."

"Eeeeeek!" More than one overpowered immortal squealed in absolute terror.

"He's back from the grave for his revenge!" Shadow lamented, wrestling with Sylvia to see who would use the other as a meat shield.

"Worse! He's back for Science!" Whatever reputation of composure Dima might have accumulated in Konoha was thrown into a dumpster and set on fire right then and there.

"Hope is lost! There is no salvation! The end is nigh! Repent! Repent!" Sylvia wailed, partially because Shadow had managed to get her into a headlock.

"A volcano! We need a volcano! Why isn't there a volcano!?" Ghost was looking around frantically.

"I wasn't talking to you Scab! See what you've done?! Go back to being unconscious!" Anko shouted at the screen angrily.

"I am unconscious."

"… I'm honestly more worried that what he said doesn't surprise me as much as it should, more than the fact itself." Hana deadpanned. "Scab? Can we just, get back to the important thing again? You know, the shit storm in Iwa? Please?"

Scab genuinely took a few moments to contemplate her request before his avatar snapped its fingers. "Done, but Science will come after this."

Hana would have replied, but she was too preoccupied with watching what was without a doubt war in all its horror and glory firsthand.

As was everyone else.

o. o. o.

Kurotsuchi grimaced as she stabbed a kunai through the skull of a rebel shinobi she was fairly certain had been in her academy class when she was a child, moving just fast enough to avoid getting any splatter on her, and a bit more faster to avoid the fireball that charred the dying corpse she left behind and not herself.

Madness. This was complete and utter madness. She thought that it had been bad during the invasion of Konoha. She thought it had been insane when Oogakari attacked a week ago.

But now… now they were fighting themselves in earnest. There was no enemy. There was only Iwa, a group of S ranked monsters scattered everywhere, and two idiots from Konoha that for some reason were on her side.

Nothing made sense anymore.

It pissed her off.

How the hell did it come to this?

"You look like you've seen better days."

Her eyes snapped up to see her old acquaintance looking down at her from the top of a nearby building with a shit eating grin. Just an average looking man in average looking gear. Judging from the bitter look in his eyes, he was enjoying this as much as she did.

"Funny, I thought you'd be happier. This is what you wanted after all." She snarked back, her hands occupied with kunai and her body primed to move.

"Feh. I feel like one of those idiots in those half assed stories that mothers tell their kids. Be careful what you wish for 'cause it might come true." He grimaced before his body stilled.

The top of the building he was on exploded, a giant ball of magma collided with it at an odd angle, causing it to list and burn at the same time.

"Fucking hell. I don't know why we even bothered coming down here." The man shrugged as he brushed off small globs of molten rock off his clothes. "There's enough monsters fighting in the village to waste the town faster than Onoki ever could. We were trying to save the damn place, not destroy it before the Tsuchikage could."

He had to move again to avoid the kunai that nearly pierced his chest.

"You should have thought of that before you came up with this retarded revolution in the first place!" Kurotsuchi snarled, her hand outstretched. "Look at us! No matter who wins, Iwagakure will be a laughing stock and crippled for who knows how long!"

"It wasn't supposed to be like this!" He shot back, retaliating with some shuriken of his own. "It was supposed to be peaceful and quick! Sleepers would cripple a few vital checkpoints, we charge in the opening while more agents attack Onoki from behind! Cut off the head and the rest would follow! It was those Akatsuki bastards that turned everything on its head with their desire to show off their bloody power! Your surprise backup isn't helping much either!"

"They wouldn't have come here in the first place if Akatsuki didn't!" Kurotsuchi dodged, weaving seals quickly. "At least if they win they'll leave us alone!"

"Says who!?" His composure slipped, allowing a disgusted sneer on his face.

Just before a torrent of molten limestone could wash him away and boil his flesh, a titanic wall of smooth grey stone shot up from the ground and blocked it. It didn't end there however as more walls began to spring up all around the area, boxing Kurotsuchi in.

"Konoha has always been unbearably hypocritical with how they do things. Suna's nothing but a bunch of desperate sand skins trying to scrape a living in that insufferable hell that they've made themselves. Kiri's never been able to get its shit together for long, and Kumo's as greedy and power hungry as they come! The entirety of the elemental nations and shinobi world has been stabbing itself in the back perpetually since before it was even formed! Hell, even the very founders of the system in the first place, Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha wound up fighting to the death 'cause Madara went off the deep end! And they both made and lived in Konoha! Face it! There is no peace! There's only a lull before the next damn war because some idiot thinks that they're strong enough or someone else is weak enough to exploit the situation! At least when Onoki didn't let himself go, we acted on that truth and knew it!"

The ground beneath Kurotsuchi fissured, much to her surprise, spewing out large quantities of lava that pooled in the enclosure and melting everything trapped inside. Buildings. Glass. Furniture. It was all reduced to slag within seconds.

"Y-you're a bloodline user?!" She stammered in alarm. In all the years she knew him, not once did he show this.

"My folks were immigrants from Kiri, escaping from the purges. Practically half the lava users in Iwa are descendants from the land of Water. Most play along with Iwa's borderline brainwashing patriotism because it was better than what they left behind, but none of us believe it. Not when we saw what could come from it back home. Not when we saw what it could be under a poor leader."

"You're actually comparing the old man to that psycho Yagura?"

"All despots start somewhere, and Onoki has clearly been holding onto power viciously against popular opinion as of late." The merchant disregarded the pool of death that was deepening and growing beneath him. "The second I saw what Akatsuki was going to do with us, I knew that war was inevitable, regardless of who won here. Sooner or later, the other powers would find out, and in our current state, something would go wrong. Someone would smell blood in the water, our blood."

Kurotsuchi made way to escape the enclosure, jumping to one of the walls away from her opponent up its side.

She barely managed to skirt to the side in time to avoid the burst of lava that poured from wall as if it was a zit in the side of an unstable volcano.

She would have tried to escape then, only for the new wall she landed on to repeat the feats of the previous one.

The process repeated itself again. And again. And again.

Impossible. This guy… this guy was that strong? There was no way he had this much chakra!

"Iwa can't survive in such a condition, not as it is now. Even if Onoki emerges victorious, our home is doomed. We won't have the forces or the resources to hold our own against any major assault from another village." He continued, glaring down at Kurotsuchi. "I don't like Akatsuki any more than you do, believe me, and no leader is infallible, but I love my home more than I hate them. As it stands right now, the only way Iwa will have a hope of continuing in the long run is if Akatsuki wins. With their power we have an opportunity to make our home great again, even if it is at the cost of our independence. Better that than an assured death."

"Akatsuki is an assured death you idiot!" Kurotsuchi snapped as she landed on a building that had not melted or fallen apart just yet. "The blonde jackass is insane but he's not the type to lie about something like this! Didn't you hear what he said? They're going to use us as grunts to fight the other villages, get the Biju, and wake something up that should be left alone! There won't be an Iwa left even if all that manages to happen!"

"We can deal with that later. Monsters can be tricked and sealed. Akatsuki can be out maneuvered with man power and preparation while they're distracted with the other villages. Once enough of them fall, we can usurp the power they accumulated for ourselves. Maybe even take control over this ancient demon. The biju are powerful, but they aren't unbeatable, and neither is this thing." He dismissed her counterargument casually.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you've seen the Kyubi and the Yonbi in person." She grunted, more to herself than him. She doubted that he'd believe her even if he did hear her words. Being face to face to such monsters… it was astounding that anyone could fight them at all, let alone overpower them. And the Jubi, the ten tails, was supposedly something that even made those monsters on edge.

"Kurotsuchi, Akatsuki is aiming to capture you alive. They can take over Iwa, but they can't rule it. Lead it. They need someone to keep the villagers in line or else it'll fall apart for everyone. We need you. Iwa needs you. No one else can fill that role as perfectly as you can once Onoki is gone. Turning the situation around will be far more possible if you just cooperate with us. Winning through brute force is impossible, but if we wait, we can gain so much more." He tried to reason.

Akatsuki. Akatsuki. Ichirou was starting to sound like a broken record. Yeah. They were scary as fuck, but considering the fact that so far not a single one of them has threatened to wipe out the entire damn village or torture everyone to insanity like that asshole did a week ago…!?

"Us, or me?" Her voice was eerily calm and controlled compared to the frustrated anger she had displayed just a few moments ago.

"Is there a difference at this point?" He tilted his head to the side, listening to the chaos and screams coming from all directions. It disgusted him to no end, and would probably haunt his dreams for years to come, but on the outside he was as calm as a spring morning.

Kurotsuchi couldn't help but let out a single bitter laugh, even as she felt her body temperature rise to insufferable degrees from the lava below.

"You, weren't here when Oogakari tore us apart, were you?"

Her opponent frowned. "I've seen the aftermath. I've seen enough to know-"

o. o. o.

On all the screens displaying event, multiple images flashed in rapid succession.

Ghost standing in the middle of a flattened crater.

Ghost being turned to stone and dumped in lava.

Men, women, and children all being stabbed simultaneously, each by Ghost at the same time.

Ghost being assaulted, his head turning to paste.

The entirety of Iwagakure surrounded by a titanic ebony hurricane, with a just as terrifying charge of chakra and electricity being charged at its center.

Ghost, walking out the main village gates without a scratch on him, surrounded by the entire population, but not a single person doing anything to stop him. An entire village's spirit, crushed to dust.

In each and every shot, the man looked like he couldn't be more bored.

o. o. o.

"You don't know a damn thing!" She cut him off angrily. "Akatsuki. Akatsuki. Konoha. Konoha. Namikaze. Namikaze! I've had it with everyone going on and on about the same bullshit over and over as if it will change anything! I can't believe I'm saying this, but that annoying little shit was right the entire time! This entire village is so obsessed with being egotistical sore losers that they miss what's right in front of their faces the entire time! It's embarrassing!"

The screen flashed as a stray explosion from a fight totaled one of the larger buildings nearby. Neither shinobi could tell what had caused it, but it was bombed in a way that neither of them were affected by it, so they didn't care.

"I never thought I'd hear something like that coming from you." Ichirou's voice was dead even, his tone and expression betraying nothing. "You were one of the biggest voices for war and Namikaze's death for years. What happened? Don't tell me that he convinced you that he wasn't your enemy."

"What do I want?" Naruto's voice echoed in her mind, a recollection of their last conversation that meant anything.

"I want everyone to stop being fucking children, risking war over possibilities that don't exist and sheer paranoia because they can't get over their own insecurities. I want the fighting to stop. I want everyone to get along so I don't get dragged into someone else's fucking problem. Again. I want to go to sleep without worrying about the chronic nightmares about how terrible the true freedom of reality is and all the bullshit it entails. I want everyone to work together to realize that there's more out there and if we don't get our shit together we're all fucked. But right now? I just want all this to be over and done with already because I have more important things to do.

"And if that means I have to piss off a person or two in their own home because they don't want to think outside their personal bubble, and hurt their fragile little feelings because they can't make up their damn mind when the enemy is right outside the front door, then trust me, I'm not going to lose anymore sleep doing so."

"I grew up, got my head out of my ass, and realized that the world doesn't revolve around Iwa, or any of the hidden fucking villages for that matter." Kurotsuchi's tone matched his, her hands beginning to flow through seals.

"Hah… so that's your answer. You're abandoning Iwa just to make a point." Ichirou laughed bitterly, if only to hold back a yell of frustration. His hands flashed through seals at nearly double the speed of his opponent. "A fine time to hit your rebellious streak again Kuro. I was really hoping that you'd realize the situation you're in and join the winning team. It'll be a mercy to kill you now instead of letting you get captured."

It was to be expected that he finished his jutsu first. He didn't utter a word as he made the final seal, causing all the stone walls he had made to burst, each pouring out lava in absurd quantities.

It was an attack from all sides that no shinobi could defend against without utilizing a jutsu of equal ferocity. Lava from below. Lava from the sides, the only hope of escape was up-

A final plume of molten stone shot up from the center of the pool, like a fountain of death it eclipsed the sky from Kurotsuchi's perspective before splaying out in all directions. She was trapped and assaulted from all sides, the camera showing her body being blocked out from the rest of the world from a distance…

… Just as she finished making her final seal.

Ichirou frowned as the lava rose higher and higher, uninterrupted and unmolested. He had really expected her to put up more of a fight than this, but then again, he was stronger than he let on. Still, if she died from only this much, it was probably best if she didn't become Tsuchikage after all. She wouldn't have lasted long, even with help.

"Damn it." He loved her. He really did. Half of the things he did were for her… or rather, they were things that appealed to him already, and the fact that the results were in her favor gave him the motivation to go through with them.

It wasn't as if she was the only woman in Iwa that was stubborn as a mule and with a temper to match. Hell, she was in the majority for that matter…

… But that attitude and personality of hers was just that. Hers. It was real, not scripted.

It wasn't indoctrinated into her by the teachers or her parents or social brainwashing. She didn't hate Konoha because everyone did. She wasn't brutal and vicious because she was trained to be that way. She acted and talked like that because that was how she was. It was a natural beauty that made her shine out like a diamond in the dirt.

But she had changed over the years. Konoha and Namikaze became mere annoyances to her instead of genuine targets. Iwagakure's pride and glory didn't seem to matter much either. She had cooled down. Been tamed. It was… disheartening. As if he was watching someone he cared about die slowly and there was nothing he could do about it.

He had tried. Oh how he tried. Getting her to spy for him. A few pieces of information here and there. Anything to keep her emotions for revenge and purpose boil again.

But it was all for naught. Her natural luster dimmed into a natural glimmer. Her purity and appeal faded away like everything else in this dull and monotonous village.

He did love Iwa. It was his home. But at the same time, he hated it. So dull. So lackluster. Rusted. Conflict and battle, as disgusting as it was, brought out the best in Iwa's people. Refine the populace using blood as its grease and oil. Without it, they were no better than tools left forgotten.

But they were their own tools. To be used by someone else, by Akatsuki… he was disgusted that he was helping them, but he had no choice. At least this way they would be taken care of for the time being…

"Damn you Onoki. You ruined this village just like you ruined Kurotsuchi. I'd kill you myself if I had the chance." Ichirou snarled as he looked at the Tsuchikage's fight with Sasori. If it was anyone else, he would have instantly claimed that the puppet man would win with the iron monstrosity he was commanding, but Onoki was a monster of a different breed all together.

Beams of literal destruction and black rain falling sideways littered the sky as the old man flew around the unnatural black construct, neither side giving in anytime soon. Even from his perch a good distance away, he almost had to jump to avoid a few attacks that strayed too far and decimated his surroundings.

Monsters. The Kage. Akatsuki. The Biju. The whole lot of them were mistakes that shouldn't have existed in the first place.

"Tch." With a spit to the side, he jumped off the cauldron of stone he had made and landed a good block away. It would take some convincing, but he was sure he'd be able to get away with killing Kurotsuchi. More importantly was making sure that word of it didn't get around. It would take more work to move himself into a solid position to turn things around in the long run. Not the Tsuchikage. Nothing good ever came from being in the spotlight, but...

BOOM!

His train of thought screeched to a halt. Behind him, a titanic flume of lava shot up into the sky in quantities that he couldn't even dream of conjuring in a single go.

"What?!" The lava was without a doubt coming from the pool he had made to beat Kurotsuchi, but there was no way that it was her doing. There were plenty of Lava users in Iwa, but there was not a single one that could actually survive being submersed in the molten stone. The amount of chakra needed to keep off the heat and pressure would be astronomical, and that was before one took into account that it would be near impossible to get one's bearings in such a state.

Even then, to his knowledge, there wasn't a single Lava user in Iwagakure that could manifest and control that much of it other than Roshi, and last he checked, the old man was still duking it out with Kisame half a kilometer away.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAHGH!"

The peak of the raging flume of liquid stone roared, splitting at the tip to shape a malformed maw, soon accompanied by eyes, claws and wings, coiling over and over again until the glowing red beast looked like it was overlooking half the district.

What truly made it stand out though was that it didn't consist of pure lava. No, the majority of its body had already actually hardened into ominous obsidian black slabs, irregular in shape and separated by countless veins of molten lava that ran like blood all over its body.

Anyone that saw it had to admit, all that black made the glowing molten eyes and fangs of the monster stick out and make it all the more terrifying.

The blood of the world turned. The veins of it continued at a pace that would not be interrupted. The unseen force that was the rage and power of the Planet itself, always simmering beneath the skin that was Earth.

And on top of it, standing on its head with arms crossed and not a single scratch, was Kurotsuchi.

She was not smiling.

"Lava Style. Royal Black Dragon Bullet."

o. o. o.

"Hm… not bad. Very clever." Mei gave her critique of the Lava technique with a thoughtful expression and a tilted head.

"How's that?" Zabuza looked at her.

"The solidified stone is used as a shell to keep the heat inside and make it easier to maintain its shape." Mei explained with a critical eye. "The inside is pure liquid, but it flows freely without effort. The durability of the Earth style variant, the heat of the Fire style, yet its cost to maintain is a fraction of a normal Lava version despite its increased size. The girl is young and rough around the edges, but she certainly has potential."

o. o. o.

Roshi had not spent the past three years only teaching Kurotsuchi how to use Presence.

Onoki had not spent the past three years only trying to put Kurotsuchi on a leash and calm her down.

Neither of the veterans were that short sighted. They knew the girl better than that. They had seen her potential. Her stubbornness. Her talent.

Her heart.

Her will to hold onto what was hers, and the fact that despite all the rage she had, she was no fool when put up against a tough decision.

Three years ago, the strongest two shinobi in Iwa decided to mold her into Onoki's successor.

Lava style consisted of Earth and Fire manipulation, but Kurotsuchi possessed a natural affinity to Water on top of that. It was an irregular affinity in Iwagakure, but suited her unnaturally well. Strong to fire. Weak to Earth. It was the bridge between her other two elements, allowing her chakra to convert seamlessly from one to the next.

If Roshi represented the explosive force of lava, then she was the flow of its power.

It's heat. It's momentum. It's natural intensity. There was no need to build it up and release it. The power was there already. All of it was hers to govern the instant she asserted control.

She wasn't Kage level yet. She didn't have the reserves, skill, and control to generate this much lava and control it easily, but if someone else happened to do half the work for her by sheer chance, that was another story altogether.

She looked down at her village, unharmed by the intense heat her construct emitted, unbothered by the height she was at.

Fighting. Brother against brother. Friend against friend. It was Oogakari all over again, only this time the enemy wouldn't leave them alone once they lost.

"Tch." Her fists tightened in anger. What was all this violence for? Pride? Fear? Revenge?

Stupid. It was all stupid. This village was stupid. This fighting was stupid. The world was stupid.

Onoki… Grandfather was right. The village couldn't be left to take care of itself. Not the way it was now. He was a right bastard at times, but in hindsight, he was the only one with the power and his head on straight to keep everyone in line.

And he hated that fact. He hated that he had to compromise to keep his people happy. He hated that no one ever seemed to learn.

She… she hadn't learned yet. Not completely. But, looking down at her home falling apart the way it was right now… she was beginning to understand. This town that she grew up in, the good and bad memories, all these idiots, they were hers.

Not as if it was something precious to her metaphorically, but as something that literally belonged to her. It was hers. And she didn't like sharing.

"Ichirou." She turned her attention to her opponent, staring up at her with more emotion than she had ever seen on his normally impassive face. "There seems to be a misunderstanding on your part. There was no point in trying to tempt me to your side with something that already mine."

Everyone watching could see the moment where realization dawned on the man as his face grew pale and his expression alarmed. "Really? Then, I guess I underestimated you in more than one way…"

His left foot slowly shuffled in order to give him a better position to move-

The dragon roared, blasting flumes of molten stone from both its nostrils.

Before he could escape, the street Ichirou was on was corralled on both sides by giant walls of lava, too high to jump over and too thick to blast through quick enough. Within seconds, he felt as if he was in an oven, being baked to death from all sides.

He hunkered down and flashed through seals, not willing to waste time talking anymore. He was at a disadvantage and he knew it. He could generate and manipulate lava to some extent, but Kurotsuchi was the first outside of Roshi that he knew of that could stand being within and around it without suffering any repercussions.

The giant walls around him collapsed inward, blocking his escape above. No. Even if he did jump out of the way, it would just make him an easy target for the dragon.

His only hope was below.

Just as the superheated lava crashed down on him, he sunk into the ground.

Deeper. Deeper. Deep enough so that the heat wouldn't hurt him.

Hotter.

It was getting hotter. Kurotsuchi must have been better than he thought. No. Of course she was. He was escaping because of that.

Deeper. Hotter. Deeper. Hotter. He was losing ground. He was-

No one heard him scream as he dove headfirst into the pool of lava deep below Iwagakure. No one knew his last thoughts. No one knew his treachery, his regrets, or hopes.

Kurotsuchi sighed from atop her construct. It was difficult to manifest lava from a distance, but it was easier when she had a source to work with and was tapped into.

Collapsing walls to either side. A small lake directly below. A giant lava dragon up front. There weren't many that could escape that setup. Less when the victim was an earth and lava user as well.

Kurotsuchi allowed herself just a few seconds to lament what she had done. Ichirou had been in her class at the academy, one of the few that actually helped her out when her dad and brother died. She had constantly pushed him, pushed everyone away, but he stuck around. He was almost akin to a stalker, only he kept his distance.

Maybe if she had given him the right time of day more often, it wouldn't have turned out like this.

As if she didn't have enough of a bad taste in her mouth as it was.

"?!"

Her body stiffened as she felt something akin to half the sky shift unnaturally in the distance.

She turned to the direction where Naruto had been expected to fight Akatsuki seriously. She couldn't see it, but she could feel that something was amiss with the blonde. It was as if the world in that direction had become… angry. Insulted. Infuriated.

Whatever it was, she wanted no part of it. Whoever thought it was a smart idea to piss off Namikaze was on their own.

As insane as he was, even she knew that he was far stronger than he let on.

He had to. The nutjob had spent three years with that monster after all.

An explosion far closer than the blonde jackass caught her attention next.

Unlike her previous distraction, she could see what was going on this time.

Onoki and Sasori were going at one another viciously. The old man was flying around faster than she had ever seen him, looking almost as if he was a fly from her perspective.

He looked even more like a fly when compared to Sasori's abomination.

Slightly larger than a boss summon, the man made monster was lethal in every sense of the word. Spikes and tendrils shot out in irregular places and angles. Its movements were not restricted at all by its shape. And the thing spewed out projectiles from every inch of its body as soon as anything got close.

And despite its massive and nonsensical design, it was far faster than it should have been.

Not insanely fast, but enough that Onoki couldn't get a good shot in on the damn thing. Maybe if the Tsuchikage could get a bit closer he'd be able to obliterate more of its body in a single move, but that was impossible with all the fast and wide ranged attacks the thing was spewing out endlessly.

It was a stalemate. Onoki was not stupid enough to get within range for Sasori's attacks to be accurate, but at the same time that distance prevented him from gaining any significant ground either.

The only thing that seemed to be taking any real damage was the village itself.

"Useless old man." Kurotsuchi muttered.

The idea of helping him fight flickered in her mind for a moment.

She discarded it just as quickly.

She wasn't stupid. Even with her jutsu, she wasn't going to charge headfirst into that mess. She'd be killed the moment she had an opening. She had trained and fought against her grandfather before in all out battles to know when she was out of her league.

She was obliterated every single damn time, and she had a suspicion that Sasori wouldn't give her the courtesy of living if she attacked him in this situation.

Instead, she jumped off her dragon's head and landed safely on a rooftop. She then flipped through several seals, channeled her chakra…

"GAAAAOOOOOOOO!"

… And watched as her jutsu charged at Sasori's creation without her from a safe distance behind a water tank so that Sasori wouldn't be able to see her.

Bloodline limits were an interesting thing. They combined various elements together to make whole new elements that could do all sorts of crazy things.

Both Onoki and Sasori faltered for just a moment as her beast came upon Sasori's with an artificial, yet still malicious wrath.

So many crazy things in fact, that most people forgot that they also had pretty glaring weaknesses.

Case and point. Magnet users, while impossibly versatile compared to most elemental jutsu users, had far more weaknesses than most could count. Their charges could be offset by other lightning users. Their electromagnetic waves could be disrupted by wind users. Cover an object in enough water and it would bleed out their stored charges like crazy since water is also a polar substance, and as for fire…

Sasori's monster tried to jump out of the way, but unlike Onoki's linear attacks, Kurotsuchi's black dragon was semi sentient and knew how to follow a target.

The poisonous black metallic monstrosity let out a screech that sounded like a thousand nails on a thousand chalkboards. Seeing as running away was not an option, it fought back.

Venomous iron bullets shot from its body, impaling the oncoming dragon. Chunks of stone and lava were ripped from its lithe and weaving body, spewing in all directions.

The beast was neither living nor breathing. The poison did nothing, and whatever damage it sustained was negligible, barely slowing it down in the slightest.

Bullets were replaced with spears. More power was expended. Larger chunks of the dragon flew in all directions, but the results were more or less the same.

"For a little insurance…" Kurotsuchi held up two fingers and focused her chakra.

The dragon immediately reared back its head and breathed out a small pond's worth of lava onto its target.

The results were instantaneous. While it was a terror to fight against, Sasori's construct was still subject to physics and natural faults. It had not been able to get out of the way in time, and as a result, was covered in stone and fire.

Hiding within his creation, Sasori grunted in annoyance and began to try and get rid of the quickly hardening substance, only to pause in genuine alarm.

His control over the iron sand near the surface was near nonexistent, and his hold on the rest was far below what he had enjoyed so far.

Funny thing about iron. It not only melted at fairly low temperatures compared to other metals but, as a ferro magnetic material, it had a rather interesting habit of losing any and all magnetic charge it might have once it reached a certain degree.

It was something any and all natural magnet jutsu users in Suna and Kumo learned early on in their training in case they fought in a hot climate or against a fire jutsu users. In fact, many shinobi in Iwa were also taught this given their rather unstable relationship with Suna in particular.

Sasori though, was neither born and raised a magnet user, or in Iwagakure.

He might have been aware of said weaknesses had he been more proactive in Sunagakure's forces and worked as a team leader to keep his allies alive, but as a recluse and a traitor, that didn't happen.

For all the strengths and abilities the Third Kazekage's body and powers posed, it did not come with an elaborate instruction manual.

"Ngh?! The heat's disrupting my control?" Knowing he was in a bad position, Sasori immediately focused on pushing away the useless iron out with the lava to keep as much of his resources intact as possible, shedding the outer tons of metal off like a snake would skin...

"That stupid girl. I told her to focus on the invading infantry."

… Only to pause as he remembered that he had done something impossibly stupid.

He had allowed himself to be distracted from a Kage while fighting them.

Looking up, Sasori spied the old gnome grinning maliciously, holding a glowing cube of light in his hands.

Worse. He had taken his eyes off of Onoki, the Kage that possessed hands down the most destructive jutsu among the current five.

"Shit!" He had only seconds to spare, and for the first time, Sasori was lamenting his over reliance on his new body. It was powerful to be sure, but he wasn't completely accumulated to using its chakra as his own yet. Switching between shapes and tactics was still difficult to do quickly, especially on a large scale.

Using far more chakra than he would ever like for such a simple task, the puppetmaster shifted the lava covered shell of his creation in Onoki's direction and jettisoned the tons of stone and metal in the old man's direction, separating the useless slag from what he could still use freely.

Onoki's eyes narrowed. "So that's how you responded…"

With a blinding flash of light, the Dust Technique shot forward and met the oncoming improvised carapace, obliterating it instantly.

Before the light of Onoki's attack had died down, thousands of metallic bullets were fired off. Sasori discarding nearly a quarter of his sand to get rid of the lava had done nothing to hinder the speed of his offence.

"Ngh?!" The old man didn't even have time to shout in pain as he was torn apart by the shards, rending his body into a chunky mess… of dust and stone.

"A clone?" Sasori grimaced before being rocked some more under the assault of the dragon. In the brief moments that he had used to rid himself of the lava on him, move positions, and counterattack the Tsuchikage, Kurotsuchi's jutsu had pursued him to the point that it was halfway wrapped around his construct, and clearly intent on not letting go anytime soon. "Damn annoyance!"

SHINK!

With a brief pulse, Sasori's monster puffed out like a porcupine, generating spikes dozens of meters in length in all directions, skewering buildings, shinobi, and the dragon itself with sickening ease.

At first, it had looked like the Akatsuki had finally rid himself of his lava problem…

… And then the beast fell apart. Rather, it burst apart, spewing its molten core all over his iron construct.

"Shit!" This was much worse than before. The coverage of the magma was far greater this time, and it would be difficult to shed it off at all, let alone in time to avoid another attack.

Speaking of which…

"That stupid girl. I told her to stay out of my fight. Now everyone's going to think I owe her after this." Grunting irritably, the Tsuchikage finished preparing another Dust Release technique in the shape of a cone.

He was bound to obliterate a portion of his village with this, but this version was faster than the cube variant, and the sooner he killed Sasori the better.

He didn't have to worry about being seen by his opponent, distracted or not. After all, he was flying high enough that he'd barely appear as a dot in the center of the bright mid-day sun to his opponent.

For the briefest of moments, Onoki lamented the fate of the third Kazekage. They hated one another viciously, but there was a respect and pride between them that only Kage possessed. If victory had ever been achieved in a fight between them, both would agree that they would not wish this result upon either.

"Dust Style: Detachment of the Primitive World."

In a flash, the cone's shape warped. Its tip shot forward like a ray of light, dragging the rest of it and magnifying the transparent frame's size until it was as wide as Sasori's beast.

Sasori barely felt the attack come before it came down not upon just him and his construct, but the whole surrounding area… like an act of God.

Due to the scale of their fight, there were barely any shinobi left in the area to see firsthand the titanic hole that had been punched into the residential area of Iwagakure. A smooth cut circular gap that cored out several properties and buildings perfectly.

"Tch." Onoki let out an annoyed click of his tongue. Not only did he have to wreck his own village to get rid of these annoyances, but the hole he had made reminded him of the one Uzumaki had blasted out of the mountains surrounding the village…

… Only his hole was smaller.

This was going to bug the hell out of him until one of the damn things was filled in. Preferably the brat's.

Oh well. At the very least, his back wasn't acting up yet.

An errant gust of wind caught his attention, and he turned to look at the source, the training ground where Uzumaki had vanished to.

There was fighting taking place there, judging from the explosions that were taking place. He wasn't much of a sensor, but he could tell that there was demon chakra being let loose as well… but something was off. The wind itself felt pissed as hell, but the demonic chakra itself… it didn't feel like the Kyubi's.

"Old Man! Bogey!"

The shout came from a distance, so it wasn't heard clearly. Still, it was more than enough for the old man's body to tense in alarm, just as something white came across his peripheral vision.

BOOM!

"And that's how you do it." Chuckled a familiar obnoxious voice from a short distance away. "You were an idiot to try and fight the old man head on Sasori-danna. I told you, you have to be quick and clever to beat him. Mmm."

"Just shut up and keep flying. I doubt your half assed attack did anything."

Standing on a flying black and white clay bird, Sasori and Deidara kept an eye out for the Tsuchikage.

It had been a close call. Had Deidara not flown in at the last moment, Sasori would without a doubt have perished

That didn't mean that the pair were in good shape.

Sasori had lost the majority of his iron sand. He could still attack and defend, but he was nowhere near the overwhelming force that he had been before.

Deidara on the other hand looked like he was barely keeping himself together. He was covered in wounds to the point that his Akatsuki coat was hanging off of his waist, had only one arm, and the other one looked like it was barely functioning. By all rights, he shouldn't have been able to make any clay birds in the first place, let alone be on the battlefield.

"You were supposed to stay back." Sasori risked a glance at his partner. "Are you even good enough to fly?"

"Hn. Turns out Zetsu is good for a few more things than we think. Plant man's plant juice is good for sealing up wounds." Deidara smiled weakly. He was still suffering from anemia, but he wasn't at risk of bleeding out anymore. "Left arm's still a bit shaky though. Hey. Danna. Can't those strings of yours act as improvised nerves? Mind helping me out?"

"It's a short term solution and will only hurt you in the long run." Despite saying this, Sasori reached over and put his hands over his partner's arm, conducting a modified medical puppet technique that Chiyo-baa taught him when he was young just for this sort of occasion. Wherever the blonde's nervous system appeared damaged or frayed, he would generate temporary strings as replacements. It was a stopgap solution at best, but they weren't in a position to complain.

He was just about done when they both stiffened in alarm and their mount dove to the side, just in time to avoid a familiar flash of light.

"You really are an impulsive, annoying idiot. Deidara. You should have stayed out of this and pretended to be dead."

Onoki was clearly not dead, but he was not completely unscathed either. Half his clothes were burnt in some fashion, and there was a small trail of blood going down the Tsuchikage's face. On him and below his body were huge chunks of stone, remnants of the stone golem he had managed to generate as an improvised shield just before the explosion.

What truly pissed him off though, was that Deidara's bomb had aggravated his back again, despite the pain killers he had taken before this whole clusterfuck started. It wasn't crippling, but it sure as hell hurt.

That didn't distract anyone from the pink elephant in the room, being the Dust Release he had in hand, this time a cube.

"Shit! This is bad!" Knowing what was coming next, Deidara pushed his creation to its limits, making it fly as fast and as far as it could.

The cube variant of Dust Release was slower than its circular variant, but in exchange for that, it had a very unique feature.

It had no max size limit.

As if on cue, Onoki's attack flew from his hands, moving forward and expanding rapidly both at insane rates. Soon enough, there would be no possible way to dodge, avoid, or counter the attack.

It came at a cost, but if it took out two Akatsuki at once, who was going to complain?

"Can't you do anything without help?!" Sasori snarled, a rare show of irritation and anger from the normally impassive man. Focusing his chakra and what little iron sand he still had, he quickly coated the clay bird with a black sheen before forcing his ride to move as fast as possible.

"Whoa?!" Deidara nearly fell off as their ride bolted forward. It almost felt like they were trying to race an explosion itself as the cube of light, which from their perspective was more like a wall to the afterlife, closed in on them.

For what felt like an eternity but was really only for a few seconds, the overwhelming force and the pitifully small in comparison bird raced one another over the village until, the cube stopped first.

"DAMN!" Onoki swore as he felt the limits of his chakra reaching him. Pushing any more into the titanic cube was pointless and wasteful. At the very least, if he canceled it out now, he'd be able to regain most of his chakra back since he didn't actually complete the technique. Molding, shaping, and detonating Dust Release techniques was taxing and a complex process, but so long as the last step wasn't taken, it was still reversible.

The giant cube dissipated like a popped bubble with but a minor thought, prompting a breath of relief from the two Akatsuki.

o. o. o.

"Eeeh? I thought he had them too."

Standing on a random building below, a clone of Naruto's watched Onoki's fight with his arms crossed and his face scrunched up in immature disappointment.

He was just one of the hundreds the blonde had made earlier, so his power wasn't significant, and he wasn't strong enough to use Presence. Still, he was capable of a few useful tricks if needed, such as using the Seventh Sense to make his voice travel long distances and sense enemies.

"Using the iron sand to give the clay bird additional thrust… if he uses it like Gaara, I don't think I'd be able to down them like this. The stronger clones or original could, but I'm just a normal clone. What a pain."

Fighting up front was out. He was just a normal clone. He packed a punch, but in the open sky it was better if he was with a bunch of other clones. Too much open space for the enemy to move to make a difference offensively.

Can't sneak up on them. Things were too chaotic for anyone to stay in one place long, and it took a bit of concentration to stay hidden with a genjutsu. Too much to move quick enough to catch up. Plus, the second he was exposed, he was as good as popped. Deidara had trained to fight against Itachi, so he wouldn't fall for the same illusion twice once he knew what to look for.

He couldn't boost or coordinate with Onoki. It was hard as hell to hide the fact that you were working with someone hidden while in the middle of the air. Certain movements and tactics in aerial battle made absolutely no sense unless there was someone else helping out.

"Hah. Looks like I have only one real option to go with." Sighing dejectedly, the clone walked over to the edge of the building and looked down at a giant pile of rubble made from the nearby fighting, and clasped his hands together in the snake seal.

As if waiting for him to do so, half the rubble collapsed instantly into dust. There was nothing special about it. The giant stones had just been ground into tiny specks via raw earth manipulation. The only thing remotely abnormal about the display was that it was a fairly large pile of debris that had been ground down from a distance, and the results were instant. Most shinobi would need to use a jutsu to get the same results, but a Special Jonin with a good amount of experience in earth elemental manipulation could do the same thing with just as much effort.

"If you can't beat 'em, annoy the shit out of them from a safe distance and let someone else do the rest of the work while they're having a fit."

There were far, far too many people all over the world that desperately wanted to argue against his statement, but for the life of them couldn't without looking like hypocrites.

There were also far, far too many people that agreed with him whole heartedly without any hesitation.

With one hand in a half ram seal, the other pointing at the pile of dust, the clone tapped into the Seventh Sense. Instantly, the pile was assaulted by chaotic winds, kicking the dust up into the air by the mounds as if it was only natural to do so, spiraling in every direction to keep the otherwise useless material afloat.

The hand making the half ram seal flickered between half a dozen more irregular forms in less than a second, resulting in the airborne dust turning invisible in front of the audience's eyes.

o. o. o.

"Clever. He's going to blind Akatsuki by surprise from a distance and distract them for Onoki to get a good shot in." The Raikage nodded in approval. "The old man needs the help too at this rate."

"Hm? What makes you say that? The Tsuchikage looked like he had things covered so far." Darui asked curiously.

"Sasori and Deidara cover too many of the other's weaknesses, even beaten as they are." Yugito frowned. "Onoki's jutsu can kill them easily, but he needs a bead on them first. If he gets too close, Sasori's jutsu will tear him apart before he can react. Too far and Deidara can dodge out of the way. In a way, this fight is worse for Onoki now than it was when it was just Sasori using that giant monstrosity of his."

o. o. o.

"Behold. For now a real Dust Release technique shall save the Tsuchikage." The clone claimed in a pompous tone, his chest stuck out and his face full of conviction.

o. o. o.

The arena in Konoha was dead silent. That is until some random civilian decided to break it.

"You suck!"

o. o. o.

He held his pose for a grand three seconds before slumping over, completely depressed. There is no doubt in my mind that the old geezer would have killed him if that had been heard by anyone.

"Log I need a stable hobby." Preferably one that wasn't laced in stupid and crazy for a change.

Oh well. Back to work.

Satisfied with his airborne trap, the clone nodded and looked at the fighting above. So far, Onoki was just chasing Sasori and Deidara around the village, occasionally setting off a clay bird or two that the latter managed to make with his lone wounded arm. Both sides were getting tired and annoyed, but there was nothing either could do about it just yet.

It was painfully easy. All he had to do was move the invisible cloud up in front of the Akatsuki when they got close, and they'd be stalled enough for Onoki to blast them out of the sky… or reality… or physical definition? Eh. Who cares? It was Dust Release. It was overpowered bullshit to begin with, even by his standards.

Speaking of which, the guys were getting close. Better start to focus and-

"HNGH?!"

o. o. o.

"YIPE!?"

o. o. o.

The clone hunched over in extreme pain and clenched at his chest, much to everyone's surprise. The screen flickered as if it was experiencing static, showing the clone, but the background ever changing between Iwagakure and a near blank and unidentifiable world.

The illusion of a spear of some sort stabbing him through the back and out the front, impaling his heart was more than clear enough for everyone to recognize…

… In reality, the clone was fine. There was no blood. There was no hole. There was no injury.

But the pain, the sensation, the disturbance was real in every sense of the word.

And shadow clones were not known for their stability or durability.

"The, hell?"

Poof.

And like that the clone was gone. The dust he had been preparing falling freely back to the ground again.

The screen zoomed out to show Onoki chasing Akatsuki, neither party aware of what might have just happened.

Even further out, a wider view of Iwagakure was seen by the audience, with multiple small and familiar clouds popping all over the village clearly being seen by everyone.

o. o. o.

"Uh. What just happened?" Kankuro asked confused.

Gaara frowned as he tried to solve that very question. "I don't know, but I doubt it's in our favor."

o. o. o.

"That's, that's not good." Chouji blanched, getting a very bad feeling in his very large stomach.

"What just happened?" Shino frowned, his tone clearly not happy.

"Something just hit all the clones at once. Something nasty." Sasuke summarized, quickly turning to the clone that was with them, panting and barely keeping calm on the ground nearby. With his Sharingan active, the Uchiha saw that the small fox's chakra was fluxuating erratically, as if it had just been heavily injured or put under an intense genjutsu. The only reason why the clone was still around was because its chakra was heavy enough to keep itself passably stable through the ordeal. Barely.

"No. Shit." The fox didn't look at anyone. Instead it was breathing deeply with a vicious and desperately focused glare at the ground itself. Not a single person missed the fact that its claws were also extended, digging through the concrete as though they were made of the sharpest and hardest materials ever fathomed.

It was almost as if he was holding onto the ground beneath him for dear life.

"Naruto? Talk to us. Do you know anything?" Hinata rushed up to the clone, picking it up gently and cradling it in her arms. Her hands were already glowing with chakra to stabilize his own as quickly as possible.

"I… fuck. It felt like, I was stabbed through the heart. Too real to be an illusion. I almost fell apart for a moment." The clone hissed through the air, his voice reaching only those that knew what he was.

"It looks like it hit all the other clones in Iwa. Maybe the original too." Kakashi noted, glancing at the screen and taking care to ignore the worried whispers that were starting to go about the stadium. "I've never seen or heard of anything that can do that, outside of killing the caster or using seals. Do you think…?"

The small fox shook his head. "No. If he was put down, we'd know. At best he's just feeling the heart burn like me. The most we can do is wait and see what… FUCK!"

"What? What's wrong?!" Shion began to panic.

"I'm in this damn temporal loop! I'm probably going to have to go through feeling this another three times bare minimum!"

Ino winced. "Ow. That's pretty bad. Still, you're a clone aren't you? You could just pop and-"

"I can't!" The fox snarled. "Ignoring the fact that Shion needs me around to stay sane, I'm not a normal clone! There are risks to making us Level Twos! There's a reason why we're only used for high stakes all out fights or important long term projects! I'd have to expend nearly all my chakra in order to safely pop! Or else!"

"Or else, what?" Sakura was starting to get a sinking feeling in her stomach. The kind she got whenever she realized that she was uncomfortably close to something far more dangerous than she'd like.

Such as, for example, whenever Naruto was testing out a new technique that brought about untold amounts of destruction and or mayhem and didn't bother to warn anybody about it.

The clone leveled a glare at all of his friends. "How long have you guys known me? The fact that I actually said "or else" should be a big enough hint that it's probably worse than you'd think."

"… You fucking idiot." Sasuke couldn't bring himself to put any mirth or anger into his words.

No one disagreed with him.

o. o. o.

Explosions rocked the screen.

Explosions of fire.

Explosions of water.

Explosions of power.

Explosions that rocked the very screen itself with every impact made.

"HAAAA!"

"HOOOOOAAA!"

A serrated blade of scales and fangs hammered against a large crimson, white, and black fist of stone and fire.

The ground fissured.

Again.

Glass nearby shattered.

And again.

The foundations of a nearby building, already on its last legs, finally gave way from the additional stress and collapsed without any effort left in it.

And again.

"Haha!" Kisame's grin had long since widened to the point that no one would question if he had gone insane with glee. "What an absurd creature you are! Not only are you fighting me with your raw strength and holding your own, but you're going unarmed against Samehada!"

And again.

"You're the freak." Roshi's twisted grin on the other hand, could be considered to be the product of pure spite. "Looks aside, no reasonable idiot would stay this long this close to my jutsu. You should already be cooked and ready to be in my bento by now."

The old man wasn't kidding. With his arms coated in superheated lava, the general temperature around them was already over a hundred degrees Celsius. Normal human skin can be burnt in under a second just by touching something eighty degrees, and here Kisame was, sweating but otherwise fresh and mostly untouched at temperatures that most people cook at.

That was, of course, not even considering the fact that it was not only hotter closer to his arms, but that his arms themselves were leagues hotter than the air around them.

A single hit with either hand was an assured death sentence.

A single solid strike with Samehada was an even more painful and drawn out demise.

"What can I say?! I guess I just have that special kind of complexion!"

WHAM!

A massive blow between the two forced them skidding back while simultaneously shattering what little remained of the street they had been on.

Kisame's grin only widened as he was pushed back, noting that the one hand Roshi was using to claw at the earth as he fell back was turning the ground molten almost instantly, generating a river of red in the process.

Both of them held two fingers up as they fell away from one another.

Spikes of molten stone shot out from the trail that Roshi made just as small torrents of water erupted from the countless boiling puddles near Kisame.

Both attacks wove and tried to smother one another out viciously as if they were Orochimaru's snakes, forcing one another off course and weaving more damages to the buildings behind and around the fighters. Not that they bothered to notice.

As quickly as the assaults were made, they lost their momentum. Kisame's jutsu evaporated the same time Roshi's lost its heat, rendering the fluid magma into brittle pumice that fell apart under its own weight.

The remains didn't even manage to reach the ground before monstrous balls of lava and water the size of buildings from both sides charged towards one another at breakneck speeds and utterly devastated the area, deafening the audience who was more or less unprepared for the cataclysm they were watching.

Well, most of the audience. The more experienced shinobi merely watched in trepidation as they saw the combatants land unscathed just outside the destruction they were causing.

Kisame couldn't help but snicker under the rain of water and stone. And people called him a monster.

How the hell did a guy this good stay under the radar for so long?

"Gigigi."

"Sorry Samehada." He apologized to his uncomfortable sword. It was only to be expected. His overpowered sword was more than a match against most fire attacks and ninjutsu in general, but that old bastard was converting most of his chakra into raw, overwhelming heat. Any chakra his blade had managed to shave away and steal so far had almost instantly gone into repairing any damage it sustained to begin with.

It was almost as if the old man had been preparing to fight him in particular from the very beginning.

Pain had told them to keep damages to the village to a minimum if at all possible, but truth be told, Kisame doubted that anything outside of going all out would be enough to take down this old bastard for any amount of time.

Just as the battlefield started to finally clear up enough for both combatants to see one another again, they moved. With a casual flick of his wrist, Samehada went up in the air, freeing Kisame's hands to make seals before he had even stopped skidding back.

The old man had followed suit so quickly that the Akatsuki briefly wondered if he was reacting or simply had the same idea as he did. Regardless, it did somewhat annoy him that the jinchuriki could make seals and do jutsu at all with his arms still covered in that annoying jutsu.

"Water Style!"

"Lava Style!"

"Five Feeding Sharks!"

"Five Finger Salute!"

A small pack of massive man eating sharks made out of pure water flew through the air, each one with a mouth large enough to consume and tear apart any human that was unfortunate enough to get in range.

All of the creatures didn't even make it half way to their target before they were each impaled by a beam of pure magma a meter in diameter but extending all the way back from the user and not stopping.

"Tch." Kisame jumped straight up to his sword just in time to avoid getting beaten, impaled, and burned by the attack as it struck where he had just been. Looking up ahead, he saw that his sharks fared just as well as he did, falling apart from the damage and the intense heat the molten stone was giving off.

This was starting to get old. He could at best counter the old man's jutsu with his own, but he wasn't going to win at this rate unless he went all out. He didn't want to admit it, but fighting in this oppressive heat wasn't helping him much either. His complexion and disposition didn't do that well in dry weather. It was part of the reason why he secretly didn't want to ever go to Sunagakure.

If only having blue skin only meant just having blue skin and not the accompanying afflictions that came with it.

"Water Style: Water bullets!" Gathering more chakra this time, he blasted several building sized water bombs at his enemy. Too big to dodge or defend against reliably without significant effort, which meant…

"Lava Style: Lava bullets!" Roshi countered the attack with his own, firing off just as many titanic boulders of molten stone at the oncoming projectiles and meeting them all head on.

The colliding forces rocked the area as viciously as their clashes did just moments before, only this time there was more debris and water to go around in all directions.

Just like Kisame wanted. With a wide fanged grin, the shark man held up two fingers.

"Kirigakure."

The water that had been blasted everywhere didn't even manage to reach the ground before it had turned into a thick mist.

Chuckling to himself, the swordsman confidently used his spare hand to cleave through what remained of Roshi's jutsu that headed his way, and landed confidently on top of a nameless building.

After the fiasco in the Land of Iron and getting his ass handed to him by Zabuza, Kisame had spent a good amount of time brushing up on some of his older skills that he had left to rust. He wasn't on the level of ANBU or Zabuza yet when it came to locating others, but he sure as hell could find his way around blindfolded better than some Iwa monkey.

"Tch. Looks like the Monster of Kiri trying something clever and sneaky for once." Roshi spat in annoyance, looking around even as his range of vision shrunk by the second until he could only see about ten meters away confidently. It probably would have been worse, but the extreme heat from his lava encased arms kept the jutsu at bay from there. Normally such a distance would have been a problem for stealth experts, but monsters like Kisame could cross such a span far too quickly to make much of a difference.

Then again, unlike Kisame, Roshi was not a novice, and he was not the sort of idiot that focused all his style on offensive techniques.

The old man wasted little time flipping through several seals of his own before pressing his hands on the ground.

Onoki would probably be pissed when he learned of this, but screw it. This was personal.

o. o. o.

Zabuza and Mei paused, recognizing the seal sequence that Roshi used.

"Oi. Mei. Isn't that...?"

"Hooh? I didn't think that anyone in Iwa knew that trick." The Mizukage tilted her head curiously. "Some of the bloodline users that escaped the purge must have moved there and taught the locals that trick."

"That trick?" Haku turned to the two curiously.

"Ah. Right. You never saw or took part in the fighting and purges when it came to the Lava Bloodline users. They were one of the largest factions in the civil war against Yagura and did the most damage. Not including Mei's contributions." Zabuza looked at her briefly. "I admittedly took part in a couple of the smaller hunts, but that was enough to turn me off of the whole thing entirely."

"That and I… they, nearly killed you half a dozen times with the jutsu that Roshi just used." Mei hastily corrected herself, but clearly not quickly enough.

"Ungrateful woman. Didn't even kill any of her clansmen and I still get… wait. The hell?! You were the one that kept on nearly blowing my head off all those times?!Do you have any idea how many times I nearly died because of that jutsu?! Even the shark bastard wasn't that bad!"

"Eheheh…"

Haku turned back to the screen and pretended to ignore their bickering. It didn't take much to put two and two together.

She didn't need to ask how Zabuza nearly died. She'd find out soon enough.

o. o. o.

Kisame paused as he felt the ground shudder beneath his feet as he landed, but surprisingly nothing else happened. No ruptures or geysers to blast away the steam. No sudden gusts of wind. No giant avalanche of rocks heading out at him. Nothing.

Had he not brushed up on improving his senses over the past couple of years, he probably would have ignored it as a product of the fighting nearby.

"Figures. The second I cloud things up, something happens that makes me want to bring it all down so I can see what it is." He readied Samehada and closed his eyes. In this blinding white mist, he couldn't see anything.

He moved around quickly, but unnaturally silently. He relished the moisture the mist provided, cooling him off after being nearly slow fried from being near Roshi for so long. It would be pretty easy to find the old bastard with his jutsu up. It was nothing more than a life or death version of "hot and cold".

Warmer.

Warmer.

Cool-hot!

He jumped away the instant he felt the moist air vanished, swearing in the process. The move saved his life as he avoided getting hammered by a molten fireball that passed by where he once was and obliterated the small shack behind him.

Not taking any chances, he retreated several more bounds, deflecting seven more attacks in the process before their accuracy fell to the category of wild guessing.

Judging from the screams, he had accidentally smacked some of the attacks into some people nearby.

Oh well. Not his fault they were dumb enough to be this close. Not his problem.

It didn't take Kisame long to figure out what had happened. That old bastard's jutsu must be causing an updraft around him, thinning the mist in his immediate proximity. Clever.

Time to even the field a bit more.

"Water Shock Wave!" Inhaling deeply, the shark man threw up a small lake's worth of water, hundreds of gallons' worth each second. Within moments, the entire district was flooded, inundated by a meter of water at bare minimum and growing.

He would have used the exploding variant normally and put the entire area underwater, but it would have been hard to write off the damages if he had submerged the entire district.

"Let's try this again." Grinning, he made more seals and slammed them onto the water's surface. "Five Feeding Sharks."

Monsters hunting below. Himself up above. A moist environment. This was finally his kind of fight.

Straightening himself up, the shark man closed his eyes and listened. A less well known fact about Kiri's silent killing technique was that in addition to expanding one's other senses, it was also designed so that the user could keep quiet while soaking wet and in wet settings. The latter fact was something that most other shinobi were woefully inept at.

A minor slosh. A drip. The shuffling of weighted down clothing. Echoes that were mute to normal ears, but heard as clear as could be underwater.

Kisame grinned, made a water clone, and sent it at his target while he submerged himself.

Much better.

Swimming was like running to him. He didn't even need to think about where he was going before he was almost directly below his target. He didn't even need to see what was happening, given that the jinchuriki's technique was warming the water already.

His fanged grin widened as he spied his target standing on the surface of the water.

The first of his five sharks shot out of the water like a bullet and tore apart its leg.

The target screamed in pain, falling back and losing his form as skin and flesh turned to fire and stone. Within moments the human had exploded, taking the shark with it.

A decoy, obviously. Only an idiot would have stayed on top of the water when there were dozens of buildings to perch on nearby. Still, it was a decoy that could fight and do harm if left alone. That and its presence meant that the original was nearby.

Such as the building he was right next to.

"Water Style. Vicious Uprising."

Almost instantaneously, the closest unflooded level of the structure he had targeted was violently flooded with water. A second later, the next level flooded with as much ferocity.

And the next, and the next, until the entire roof of the structure blew off like top of a pressure cooker that had simply had too much.

The building was demolished. Its insides were obliterated and inundated. It was a feat of pure destruction that most Jonin would struggle to imitate so easily, if at all.

There was no one there. He figured as much, as dozens of molten meteors fell from the sky and obliterated his location.

Samehada writhed, hungrily pulling its wielder to the greatest source of chakra nearby that wasn't Kisame, completely ignoring the fate of the brutally murdered water clone.

The building that Roshi was on was suddenly in the path of a titanic tsunami that came out of nowhere, at least twice the height of the structure at the very least.

"Earth Wall!" The old man snarled, matching the flood of water with a mountain of stone easily, defending himself from the assault. The two massive bodies hammered one another with enough force to rock the entire area, sending echoes and tremors throughout the entire village.

… But in the process of defending himself, Roshi missed the four pillars of water that shot up around him on his unguarded sides. Each one allowing one of Kisame's remaining sharks to leap out at the elevated height instantly and devour the rooftop from all angles. Within seconds the entire top floor of the building had collapsed under the force of the massive beasts' maws.

"Really? Attacking me from four sides? That's just insulting."

All four cavernous mouths got their fill, and then some… as a tentacled and furry tail speared through their noise holes and out through their backs.

Roshi grinned as he crouched on the rooftop on all fours, leaning on his knuckles like the biju within him, paying no attention to his four tails sticking out in separate directions.

"HAAAAA!"

The ravenous beast of the sea's mouth opened. Its teeth exposed. Its body was in motion. It would feast.

Coming down directly from above after using his blocked tsunami as a jumping point, Kisame grinned savagely with both hands on Samehada. He was putting all his strength in this strike. There would be no way to safely block this without some damage or expending a good deal of chakra to feast upon.

Roshi did not fight back or counter. Instead he simply jumped away just before his opponent came down on him, crashing through the rooftop in the process as though it was thinner than paper.

And falling straight into the floor below, filled to the brim with molten lava.

"GYAAAAAAAARG!"

To add insult to injury, Roshi lobbed a giant glob of borderline liquid magma on top of the tricked Kisame as he retreated, surrounding the shark man in molten death instantly.

The old man landed deftly on the roof of another building and sighed as if he had just done something moderately tiring, massaging his shoulders and retracting his four tails in the process. "You can show yourself. Only an idiot would think it would be that easy to kill you."

One of the further corners of the structure exploded upward, exposing the near perpetually grinning Akatsuki with his infamous sword propped on a shoulder. "Heheh. You got me. How did you know?"

"Human bodies don't audibly steam that loudly when dunked in lava." The old man casually glanced at his opponent. "They pop."

"My my. That must be quite the image. And they call me brutal." Despite the morbidity, or rather because of it, Kisame chuckled in amusement. "I must say, I'm impressed. I haven't had so much trouble with an opponent in a while. Especially one that throws around jutsu as much as I do. Samehada's normally more than enough for most opponents and techniques, but she's been quite put out with your tactics. Who would have thought that a jinchuriki could be so clever?"

"You're not one of the brightest members of your group, are you? Didn't the Namikaze kid just off your leader fifteen minutes ago?"

"Hah. You got me there. Part of me doesn't even want to believe it to be honest. Pain's manhandled all of us enough times over the years to keep us in line, and then that kid takes him out in a single go? That's just embarrassing. I've long since expected that insane brat to surpass expectations, but even I think that what he's done is pushing it."

"And yet you're not at all worried that he might be dead for good." Roshi snorted. "Shouldn't expect anything less from a traitor like you. Or is your faith that he's going to come back that strong?"

"Flip a coin. Either will work. Not that it'll matter for you in the end. I'm still going to beat your drunk ass down so we can get the Yonbi." Kisame grinned, half obscured as a small cloud of mist came between them. Now that the old bastard wasn't using that magma jutsu on his arms, he could tolerate being near him again.

Roshi shrugged, not at all bothered by the insult. "Personally my money's on the bet that the coin will land on its side."

The shark man paused, curious. "Oh? And what would landing on its side mean?"

This time it was Roshi time to grin. "That you're more dedicated to that one eyed prick that's been your secret boss the entire time."

"…"

"…"

"… You, really do know a lot of surprising things."

Roshi's grin widened, his hands at his sides, already starting to glow with heat and power. "I also know that Zabuza's better than you."

o. o. o.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Fine! I'll get him a drink the next time we meet up! Stop smirking already!"

"He's so sweet." Mei chuckled.

"Total softie." Haku agreed.

The "sweet softie" looked like he wouldn't mind painting the room as red as his face. Thankfully his bandages hid half of his flushed face… half of it.

o. o. o.

"… I've decided. Before we leave today, I'm shaving off your limbs." Judging by the number of spikes that had flared up on Samehada, he meant it too.

"I'm in the mood for shark fin soup today." Roshi's savage grin widened.

Said grin faltered as he had to move, lest he suffer the same fate as the building, which had shattered under Kisame's strength.

His confidence faltered slightly as he continued to retreat from his opponent's onslaught, jumping out of the way just before the area he was in was demolished by a single blow from Kisame's sword. Either the shark man had been holding back the entire time, or Zabuza was a really sore subject for him.

Either way though, it was clear he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings as much as he should have.

"Stay still you drunk! I'm going to shave you till you're nothing but pulled meat and hair!" Roshi landed on another nearby rooftop just as Kisame finally found solid footing on the latest crater he had made. The debris around him prevented the water he had made earlier from flooding it outright, but it was filling up slowly.

"You're not shaving, you're tenderizing you dumbass fish!" Roshi mocked, confident in what was going to happen next.

"You…" His voice was dry and raspy. He was going to beat that old man to an inch of his life. That annoying smirk. He could see it as clear as day through the specks of black… mist?

Wait.

Dry and raspy?

What happened to his mist? Mist wasn't black and visibly granular.

Kisame paused, his nerves suddenly screaming at him. A bead of water on his forehead slipped down into one of his eyes, and caused him to flinch. He briefly wiped his face, and his hand came back black.

The air was dry when it should have been moist. The world around him was a mix of black and grey where it should have been white.

This was…

His pupils dilated. A brief look around showed him something he had missed earlier.

All around the streets and alleyways, small funnels of stone popped out just above the surface of the water he had made, each spouting out huge perpetual quantities of ash into the air while countering his mist.

Roshi smirked, looking down on his opponent like a judge with one hand out, fingers about to snap. "Hoshigaki. Before I forget. The Lava Bloodline refugees that moved here give their regards."

… Oh.

Of course. The Bloodline refugees. Lava users lived mainly in Kiri and Iwa. Of course the ones that escaped from Kiri would have had counterjutsu for the ones used in the purges.

Kisame knew this. He should have known this. But, he rarely ever used Kirigakure. He never needed it then.

But now…

"Shi-!"

The old man's fingers clicked.

A spark was made.

The chakra enriched ash in the air that had not absorbed and weighed down the mist ignited instantly. The cloud itself encased half the district, so the resulting dust bomb that Roshi had set off had practically nuked the entire place.

Heat, sound, and fire were released instantly, echoing throughout the entire village. A momentary pause in the chaos flickered inside Iwagakure as everyone turned to see what the hell had caused something so massive. Some would guess that it was Deidara, naturally. Others that it was Onoki.

In the end though, most gave up wondering when they remembered that they were still fighting.

"Who's the asshole that's trying to outdo me?! Hm?!"

"Deidara! Focus on your flying you idiot!"

… Most.

"Onoki's going to be pissed when he learns that you did this." Goku chuckled to his container as the kicked up dust started to clear away. The dry heat and explosion itself would do little to either of them. Both were far too tough skinned to be hurt by something like that.

"Yeah well, that would be more concerning if he wasn't already liable to be epileptic by the time he finds out after all this is done." Roshi brushed off some dirt that clung to his clothes. If there were casualties from his reckless display of arson, then it was on their heads. The civilians had been evacuated to safe locations hours ago, and only an idiot would have risked getting anywhere near their fight considering how much power was being thrown about. "Redundancy and stupidity and all that crap. Really, we're just adding some toppings onto the shit cake for him."

"Fair enough." The ape's good mood dwindled. "So what are the odds that that was enough to flash fry the shark?"

"If you have to ask, then you already know the answer." Crossing his arms, the old man sighed and looked at the burning crater he had just made, already rapidly filling up with water to make an improvised pond.

As if on cue, a titanic spike in chakra caught their attention.

The even larger pillar of water that jettisoned tsunamis in all directions was harder to miss.

The old man merely grumbled at the overwhelming sight. "Never was much of a swimmer."

"Second time's the charm. Who knows? You might even like it."

"The hell are you trying to fool?" He crossed his arms in front of his head and braced for impact. "We both know I'm a hot spring man."

"I'd rather not get wet in the first place. Wet me smells terrible. You're not much different." Roshi could see the shit eating grin the Yonbi was giving inside his head.

It was probably the same as the one he had up just as the first wave crashed right on top of him.

It was a familiar feeling, being tossed around relentlessly as if he was in a washing machine. He had gone through the same exact thing during his previous lifetime when he fought Kisame. It was mind numbing, not knowing which direction was which, being batted around broken buildings and stones as if he was one of them. He'd rather be blackout drunk. His head would still murder him in the end, but at least he wouldn't be tenderized and soaking wet by the end of it all… probably.

He didn't know how long he was thrown about for, probably a minute at most, but it felt like an eternity.

One that, at the end of, he saw himself floating twenty or so meters above the earth in the middle of a giant ball of water.

"I don't know how Isobu and Saiken can stand living like this. The world under the ocean is too absurd." Goku grumbled, looking at his surroundings, unperturbed by their predicament. "… Roshi! Below!"

Acting on instinct, the old man instantly pulsed chakra from all over his body, making him appear white hot from the outside, and searing the mouth of the chakra shark that had almost bitten his legs off.

"Hahaha. I should have known that wouldn't have worked on you."

Speaking underwater as if it was no big deal, Kisame moved towards his target as if he was flying effortlessly. His Akatsuki robe was torn and burnt apart. His body faring not much better if the black scorches and angry red marks that littered it were any indication.

Of course, what was more interesting to Roshi were the five dozen some odd chakra sharks that accompanied Kisame, the pack slowly branching out and surrounding the two of them to prevent any escape.

Swinging his sword as if there was no resistance, Kisame's murderous grin grew even more deranged. "You know, I have to admit, you impress me old man. I've fought people stronger than me before. In power. In jutsu. In skill. To tell you the truth, even I don't favor my odds if I ever had to go up against Itachi. But you… you don't vastly overwhelm me in any particular way. I can shave your chakra. Fight your jutsu. With Samehada and my natural strength, logic says that I should have overwhelmed you enough to use your Biju in excess long ago. But, but you somehow just kept on surpassing my expectations time and again…"

Kisame's malformed and nightmarish grin widened to the point that more than a few people watching would have nightmares for weeks after the fighting ended.

"Part of me just wants to take as much time as possible shaving you down, savoring every drop of blood that spills from your screaming body."

"There it is." Goku was aware of many forgotten mysteries and monstrosities over his long existence, but even he was slightly perturbed by Kisame's fusion with his weapon. This was the second time he and Roshi had witnessed it, but it didn't make the show any easier to view. "Hard to say which version of him is uglier."

"You think all humans are ugly." Roshi held his defensive pose, keeping an eye out for any sharks that got too close.

"You are. But I doubt anyone can call that thing a human." The biju chuckled, taking in Kisame's warped appearance. "Think we should fix that. Add a bit of black to all that blue. Maybe some red as well. It is our favorite color."

The old man began to glow crimson with chakra, the power enveloping him and the water around him bubbling with an intensity that increased with the temperature. "Bout time. I was starting to feel peckish."

The sudden development did not go unnoticed by Kisame.

At first he grinned. The more chakra Roshi used, the more he would consume, and the stronger he would get. Samehada's consumption rate was absurd, enough to shave away considerable amounts of chakra in a single go…

… But there were limitations. Samehada ate chakra, but the further transformed the power was, the less it could consume. Pure chakra, raw transformed chakra, chakra being prepared for jutsu. His sword could eat power in that form endlessly.

However, the further chakra was from its base state, once it was turned from power to tangible shape and form, stone, fire, metal… consuming it became more arduous. The only basic transformed chakra nature that his sword didn't have issues with eating was lightning simply because it was still just raw power and energy, just with a numbing aftertaste.

More.

More more more more more more.

Roshi's skyrocketing power was only eclipsed by the temperatures around him, and soon enough Kisame realized something was wrong.

"He couldn't be…" Until then, Kisame would have never thought that it was possible to sweat underwater due to raw heat, but he wouldn't have denied it if asked later. It was getting to the point that despite having gills, he was still having trouble breathing due to the interference.

Roshi was literally boiling now, his frame completely shrouded by the bubbles frothing within a twenty meter radius. And the range was only getting larger.

The shark man knew something big was coming, and he had only a few moments to possibly stop it.

So, he sent every shark he had manifested at once at the old man.

Fangs and scales dove at the boiling phenomenon from all angles, ready and eager to absolutely tear apart their prey regardless of how hot or dangerous it was.

If the constructs had any capability of self-awareness, they would have all been moving in the opposite direction.

Not that it would have changed anything.

The limit has been reached. A fragment of the world's might has penetrated the surface. The crest shudders…

"_▄▄▄▄█████!"

The old volcano in the distance has ended its slumber with rage.

The world around Kisame exploded in power and heat, every inch and pore of his body assaulted viciously as he was blown back with his water. That was all he could comprehend from his perspective before temporarily blacking out.

From the outside, it looked as though a bomb had gone off in the middle of Kisame's titanic water jutsu, blasting away the trillions of tons of now boiling water that the Akatsuki had made in all directions.

And in its wake…

o. o. o.

"My god."

"Is that?"

"He manifested the whole beast?"

"It's just like the Kyubi."

"Monster."

"It's massive."

For those watching that had not been around, or too young to remember the Kyubi's attack on Konoha, it was truly a terrifying sight to behold.

For those that did remember, it only brought up unwanted memories that they had hoped would stay buried.

"So. That's Son Goku." Sakura stood her ground, her eyes focused coldly on the screen.

"Looks like it." Kakashi replied just as calmly, his book put away.

"Is it just me, or does he look way more menacing and stronger than, well, you know…" Chouji whispered to the others cautiously.

It was understandable after all. While all of the Konoha 13 had met the Kyubi in Naruto's mindscape before at one point or another, the fox had never seemed so… malicious and oppressive as the Yonbi did at that very moment.

It was clear that the Biju wasn't using Presence at all, yet at the same time, the titanic gorilla seemed more real on the screen than virtually everything else around him or them. Waves of raw heat and power caused the space around him to either melt or crumble under its weight.

And that was just from him being there. The imposing feeling that the audience had from looking at the creature himself was not for the faint of heart in the slightest.

Towering just over the walls of Iwagakure itself, Son Goku instantly became the center of attention whether he wanted to or not. Hunched over on all fours, his battering ram knuckles digging into the concrete and stone earth as though it was loosely packed soil, he was an imposing sight that no one could ignore even if they wanted to.

Everyone had always spoken about the Biju as if they were war altering calamities. But talking about it and seeing it firsthand were two things entirely.

"Something tells me that the fox was holding back whenever we were around." Asuma swallowed heavily, remembering again why the Biju were considered nature's wrath in physical bodies. He had almost forgotten just how disgusting the creatures were at full power after dealing with Naruto and Shadow for all these years.

"How the hell… I can practically feel his power from here. This is what a Biju is like when it goes all out?" Ino shivered, holding onto Chouji.

The power that she was feeling the dregs of. Potent chakra could be found anywhere, but this? This was primal. She couldn't even begin to imagine how to explain it to someone that wasn't a sensor without driving herself mad in the process

Shino didn't say anything. Gripping onto the railing in front of him, he could only manage to tear his eyes away from the image to look at Shikamaru warily. The shadow user was the closest of the time travelers to him, so seeing his reaction to this would tell him more than he probably needed.

"Troublesome." Contrary to Shino's expectations, Shikamaru was not unflappable to Son Goku's revelation.

"I thought you were more accustomed to this than most of us." The bug user probed.

"I am." The shadow user smiled feebly, driving home the severity of the situation.

"I'm almost surprised that Kisame is being pushed back so deftly." Sasuke noted, recalling just how much of a hard time everyone normally has with the swordsman.

"He's not out of the fight yet." The Cyclops chided. "After all, he is Itachi's partner."

o. o. o.

"Ugh. You're right. Wet you does smell like ass." Sitting cross legged on top of Goku's head, Roshi took a brief moment to take a hit from the urn on his hip. The intense heat that the Biju was generating made the water around them evaporate rapidly, but didn't bother him in the slightest. "Humidity isn't doing anyone any favors either."

"Shut up Roshi. It's too early for a drinking break."

"How long have you known me again?"

Neither of the two bothered to take note of the audience they were gathering, nor what Goku's appearance would do to the tide and morale of battle.

"ROSHI!" The pair did on the other hand, take notice of the very angry Tsuchikage flying overhead. "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO FULL BIJU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLOODY VILLAGE!"

"FUCK YOU 'NOKI! DID YOU NOT SEE THE LAKE'S WORTH OF WATER WE WERE STUCK IN?! THERE WERE HUNDREDS FUCKING SHARKS IN THERE! WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?! SWIM THROUGH IT ALL?!"

"NOT BURN DOWN HALF THE VILLAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN A NICE START!"

"BULLSHIT! THIS IS BARELY A TWENTIETH AT MOST AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT YOU SHAMELESS OLD DRUNK!"

Very quickly the shock factor of seeing Goku in his full glory ebbed away, dying a pitiful and lame demise.

"Do you two mind having this conversation later?" The Biju politely asked, his deep voice causing the very ground to tremble. Judging from his expression, it was clear he was taking this turn of events as well as everyone else. "Preferably when we aren't in the middle of fighting? You pretty much ruined my entrance."

o. o. o.

"… Eh?"

o. o. o.

"I thought you didn't care about appearances." Roshi looked down.

"I don't, but I also don't care much for being an overglorified seat for your dirty human ass either."

o. o. o.

The shock and awe in Goku's appearance was slowly ebbing away to embarrassed disbelief.

It wasn't surprising. Few people knew that the Biju were sentient and intelligent beings when they weren't enraged.

Fewer still knew that they could be as jaded and snarky as any normal human when they wanted to.

o. o. o.

"Oi. You're no springtime rose yourself."

"Focus you idiots!" Onoki roared. "If you haven't forgotten, we are in the middle of something important! I've been dealing with two of these bastards at once for the past twenty minutes while you two have been fooling around with just one! Get your shit together you stupid monkeys!"

As if flipping a switch, the mood and the air grew heavy with killing intent. It was clear that the biju did not appreciate the comment if the shadows over his face and his irritated expression was any indication. "Oi. Tiny mosquito human. How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not a monkey."

A clap? A thump? A pulse? No one could properly describe just what kind of deep and bone rattling sound Goku had made as he vanished in a single instant, only that it was clearly caused by the immense amount of air trying to occupy the space he had been moments before.

Another immense and irregular sound took place half a kilometer away, a large distance to most shinobi, yet a minor leap for the beast.

What was more interesting was that he had a glowing white fist raised above his head…

… And that right below him was a rapidly accumulating mass of water.

"I'm the King of the Sage Monkeys! SON GOKU!"

Below him, Kisame's already small fish eyes dilated to tiny pin pricks far faster than the rest of his body could move. It was as if they were acting completely independent, and knew what was going to happen before he did.

Much like much of the audience.

Their reactions weren't surprising in hindsight.

It wasn't often that Biju actually used ninjutsu after all.

"Shunshin?!"

Well, ninjutsu that wasn't raw elemental or power manipulation at least.

Goku's fist came crashing down just as the pillar of water turned into a geyser that was as large as the biju's arm.

The titanic shockwave generated from the two forces colliding would have leveled all the buildings nearby if they weren't already destroyed from the Biju's initial transformation. The massive shifting of air pressure was the perfect medium to propel the ever increasing kilotons of rapidly vaporizing water in all directions, plunging everything in the district in a mist that was at least twice as thick as what Kisame generated before…

… Not that it mattered much seeing as the cloud only went up to the monster's knees.

"Ngh. Stubborn little fish!" Despite striking down with all his might, Kisame's knee jerk reaction to pour as much chakra into his jutsu had been enough to hold off the Biju's attack.

Roshi, despite all physics saying that he should be suffering from extreme whiplash at that moment, sat on Goku's head with a calm expression. Taking one final swig from his urn, he got back up, wiped his hands on his pants…

And launched himself straight to Goku's glowing white fist while making seals.

It didn't matter what the direction was. When a fault was found, there the power was greatest. Truly one of nature's greatest paradoxes.

"Lava Style!" In the span of an instant, Roshi had summoned up enough molten stone around his right arm to make it resemble Goku's. "Mountain Sage Fist!"

Kisame had done a good enough job holding off Goku's attack point blank like that, but two was clearly his limit if the collapsing pillar of water, followed soon by a small tsunami of crimson liquid was any indication.

"HAAAAAAA!" Goku roared in annoyance, pulling his fist back with his jinchuriki on top. "Damn it Roshi! I didn't need your help!"

"Who said anything about help? I just wanted to kill the guy." The old man snorted, brushing off his shoulder a few globs of lava as if it was harmless dust.

The two paused as they felt a familiar chakra spike to cataclysmic heights.

The beast raged. Its hunger reaching new heights matched only by its anger.

"Next time do a better job." Goku turned to meet the new threat. Judging by how it felt, it was clear that Kisame was going to pull out all the stops this time.

They saw the blue skinned man standing on top of the corner of what used to a building, slowly sinking into slag. At some point he had reverted to his human form with his sword on his back, revealing that he had clearly not escaped from their recent clashes unharmed. Roughly half his body was covered in angry burns that made him appear more twisted and savage than he had already. Part of his chest and right arm were seared so badly that the white of some bone was actually visible through the tainted flesh.

His face was a complete mess as well, burnt and scratched, he appeared to be unsure of what he should be feeling. The insane wide opening that was his mouth and his expression could be interpreted as pure fury, absolute elation, and complete madness, all at once.

Even so, his appearance made what he was doing all the more absurd. The chakra he was generating was so dense and intense that it was actually visible, blasting away any mist he could have used to hide himself with earlier.

This was ridiculous. He shouldn't be pushed back like this. Not by some old drunk man and a monkey that smells worse.

No. He wouldn't go out like this. Not when things were getting so close. Not before the first hurdle was made.

It starvation knew no bounds.

He longed for it. He needed it. He was not going to die here! Not before he saw what he wanted!

"Exploding Water Shock Wave!"

For the third time, the area was flooded, except this time it took the shape of a single colossal wall of water that reached even above Goku's height.

"That half dead fish thinks that this will work again?! He's more foolish than a normal human!" Goku reared back a glowing fist, ready to fight again.

Roshi on the other hand was more cautious. "Wait! I have a bad feeling about this! Let me take over!"

Kisame's pinprick eyes shrunk in inverse proportion to the widening grin on his face. The flesh on his head cracked and bled as he stretched it all beyond its limits.

The beast… It did not hunger in madness...

"Water Style! Great White Shark Bullet!"

The human vanished into the Biju's flesh just as the entirety of the water in front of them warped and contorted into a titanic water shark that was nearly twice the size of Goku himself.

Ivory rows stood at attention. Teeth upon teeth. An endless hole that consumed everything. The body itself was merely a formality, a necessity only because it gave the mouth stability and a means to exist. As a result, one could say that the jutsu was a vicious and endlessly consuming savage pit that took the form of a shark, rather than a shark that consumed its target.

Its hunger was madness itself... and its feast was the truth that was the world…

"SHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"He's not holding back! This guy really is a fucking monster!" There was no way to dodge something that big this close, and even if he did, his back was to the rest of the village. For all he knew, this thing would do as much damage as a biju dama. He had already wrecked the place as bad as it was. Anymore than that and he really might get in trouble after all this is over.

Goku's body clasped his titanic hands together and reached above his head for a hammer blow. There was no time for anything elaborate. Just brute force against brute force.

A fault was found. Release was at hand. Its power shall be witnessed.

The two handed strike was brought down not on the shark, but on the earth itself.

A geyser of white molten stone shot up from below and hammered into the offending beast with the force of a genuine avalanche…

… However, the creature itself was akin to a tsunami.

No sound or comparison could be made that would accurately describe the cataclysm generated by the two unstoppable forces. Blue and Red pushed against one another for dominance with the ferocity of nature itself, if not God. The waves of chakra, wind, lava, stone, fire, and debris blasted everything from buildings to boulders away from them at terminal velocity and did not falter for an instant.

Indeed, for the second time in but a few weeks, Iwagakure was shaking to its very foundations.

"NGH?!" It could have been seconds or a minute, but Roshi was quick to notice something was off. The intensity of the lava he had pulled forth was weakening, and the shark had definitely grown larger since it first appeared. "It… you have to be fucking me…"

"Not only does his sword eat chakra, but his jutsu does too?! He plans to beat us with our own power?!" Goku roared in frustration. "How?! We convert nearly all our chakra into magma and heat for our jutsu! There shouldn't be any chakra left to consume!"

"He wasn't before…" Roshi began to sweat inside his partner under the strain of holding up the attack.

The shark swam against the tide of the world, feeding…

"His Presence! It's twisted his jutsu so it can eat our attack without the chakra!"

"Then use yours to counter it! He just learned how to use it! Yours is stronger!"

"Could have fooled me!" Roshi grimaced. He didn't know how, but it felt as if Kisame's raw power and emotions were somehow rapidly evolving and mutating his Presence at an absurd rate. The old man knew that raw power and conviction were important factors when using this ability against others, but even so, this rate of change was unreal. "Goku! A little help would be nice!"

Deeper. Deeper. From the stores and currents below that echo in the legend that was the great birth itself. Fire that matched the sun. Heat that rendered the greatest mythic tools to slag. A leak will turn into the unstoppable flood…

"HuuuuaaaaaaaaaAAAAAH!" Both man and Biju roared as they doubled their efforts, pouring in as much chakra as they could into it, increasing their synergy to heights they had only played with during training.

Deeper…

The lava they generated was now white. The sea of lethal liquid stone doubled in girth and might, flash evaporating massive parts of Kisame's shark before it would even make contact…

… But in contrast, the beast seemed to be able to consume what reached its mouth just as easily, replenishing, regenerating, and somehow, still growing as the chaotic seconds dragged on.

Deeper…

"Ahhh? This feeling."

He had never mentioned it, but Goku had always felt peculiar whenever Roshi used his Presence. It was, nostalgic, but not quite right to him at the same time. Like a mispronunciation of a name he should know but forgotten.

But this was the first time he had ever used it while using Goku's fully released body while going all out. They didn't know what would happen, and to be honest feared it might be a bit overkill on the local area, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Ever since Kurama mentioned his real name, the fact that he had one itched at the back of his head endlessly, like a faint headache. It had finally died down over the past day to the point of being tolerable, but Roshi's Presence had dredged it back up in spades, and it was only getting stronger, much like Kisame's shark.

No, not stronger… but…

Deeper.

Deeper.

There was greater power deeper still. Down to the untouched gem. Down to the heart. Pulling the wrath and might from the earth itself… From the… from the…

"DAMN ITTT!" Roshi was starting to lose his focus. Kisame's nature and chakra were just too damn strong and unfair to go up against. Even with a stronger Presence, he was pushing up against a force that was slowly eating and overpowering him.

"?! This… this is…"

From the CORE.

Roshi didn't know exactly what happened, but something inside the Biju changed. Clicked. Warped. Hell if he knew what exactly. All he did know was that while he did expect Goku's power to increase and magnify their attack…

He didn't foresee the entire landscape in front of him fissure in half, spawning fucking volcano to literally erupt right in front of him and obliterate the shark, the district in front of him, and a good portion of the wall that bordered Iwagakure in a single deafening avalanche of white, red, and black.

o. o. o.

"Hooh?" Dima lifted a skeptical eyebrow. "Well isn't that an interesting development."

"What the hell was THAT?" Anko gaped, watching the screen in disbelief, not exactly sure what she had just felt.

"His Presence, changed?" Hana tried to make sense of what she witnessed. "No… the Biju's Presence changed?"

"Looks like the monkey remembered what he was before he was forced into his current state." Shadow mused with some interest.

"What he was? You mean that thing's not only a spiritual body, but a conceptual existence?" Skyler frowned, putting the pieces together quickly.

"Yep. You can say he's one face of the many sided gem that represented the spirit of the world." Ghost nodded. "That world tree that the minion was ranting about earlier must have sapped more than just the spiritual power of the planet way back then, but also some of the core fundamental properties of the planet as well."

"… Ok. Wait. Back up. Are you saying that the Biju are actually, what, living definitions in addition to massive creatures of raw power?" Anko tried to make sense of what he just said.

"More or less. Normally Presence reflects what a person's true nature is like, but for the Biju, it's more like exposing and exemplifying their very definitions." The blind man shrugged, already more interested on the screen again. "You guys really are lucky though. Truth be told? If the biju had remembered what they were before being caught or making nice with their containers, I'm pretty sure that humanity would have been wiped out by now."

"More importantly though…" Sylvia leaned forward, staring at the screen intently, as though she was taking note of something critical.

"Mmm." Shadow nodded in agreement, imitated by Dima and Ghost, much to the confusion of the others.

"What?" Hana shivered, not at all liking the serious looks on their faces. "What's more important than that?"

"What is more important…" Ghost pointed at the screen as if it held the answer to all his questions. "… Is that we have found our volcano."

"Volcanooo." The other three immortals echoed in pure rapture, as though they had discovered true salvation.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Anko. Do the thing."

"Doing the thing."

Poof. Wrap. "SREEE!" Chomp!

"AAAAAAH?!"

"Did the thing."

All four immortals were now wrapped up by their own very dangerous looking man eating snake, and writing in pain from the toxins that had just been injected into them.

Skyler and Specks tried to act alarmed and surprised.

They really did.

o. o. o.

"Ngh." Goku's head hurt, even though it didn't.

Where he was and what he was doing was irrelevant.

He remembered. He remembered what he was. What he used to be. What he had forgotten. He was Goku, but he was also… he was also…

"Goku! What is going on?! What the hell was that?!"

A voice. Tiny, but loud at the same time. Roshi… right. A human. His human. His container. Annoying, but… he could trust it.

"Roshi… I… I remember. Just like Kurama said. I remember…" He was hunched over more than normal now, one hand cradling his head. In front of him, a portion of Iwagakure and the wall that bordered it was devastated by a genuine volcano in the shape of a fissure.

One that started at his feet and traveled out the village and over the mountains in the distance.

Right, he had done that.

"That's nice and all, but can you remember while not going out of control! You almost killed me in here!"

The biju grunted softly and blinked in confusion.

Ah.

His hands, his entire body was literally radiating with power. No. It wasn't power. It was… something else. He was melting the area around him, and glowing with the intensity of the sun, yet giving off no light at all.

"Nnng. Sorry. I… I think I'm going to sit out the rest of this Roshi. I learned that thing about myself that Kurama was talking about earlier. The kid was right. I'm too… too distracted. I need time to sort myself out."

Condensing, collapsing, and compressing, the Biju's image shrunk rapidly until what was left wasn't an unstoppable living volcano, but a very confused old man. The fact that he was standing on a pool of lava didn't seem to matter or affect him at all.

"… What just happened?" He looked around confused. One moment he was about to tackle the biggest fish he had ever seen, the next his Biju had practically nuked the area without a Bijudama and had nearly cooked him inside out.

Speaking of nuking the area, both old men pretended to ignore the fact that the fissure that Roshi had just made did not stop for a good ways. At the very least, it had split through at least two more mountains outside the village.

Even the white hot lava leaking out the entire length of the rift was abnormal. The temperatures the water like substance was giving off was absolutely insane compared to its normal variant. Had it not been coming out in slow quantities now, Roshi would have had to put the fighting on hold to put up barriers around the area just to ensure that more damage wasn't done to the already totaled portion of the village.

"That is something I had hoped you'd tell me." Onoki grunted, floating down from the sky, clearly not happy with what he was seeing, and made less so being so near the boiling magma that he was already beginning to sweat. A normal human would have died or passed out from the exposure by now. "I thought you told me that you had full control over the Yonbi."

"I do. I did. I… fuck it. 'Noki, right now, even Goku doesn't know what's up from down. Let's just write it off as something new happened regarding the Biju's power and leave it at that." Looking around, Roshi tried to take gage of what was happening to the rest of Iwagakure, and failed miserably. Looks like whatever he did had caused the rest of the village to stop what they were doing and brace for another volcano showing up. "I thought I saw you working on Sasori and Deidara."

"I was until you transformed." The Tsuchikage crossed his arms. "They didn't seem too confident about being nearby when you let loose and made way for where Jiraiya is. Can't say I disagree with them. I got a few burns myself from that last move, and I was nowhere near you."

It made sense. As powerful as Onoki was, he was still a human. One good bomb or scrape could kill him easily. The same couldn't be said for going up against a Biju.

"Yeah well, looks like the fish man bit off more than he could chew this time." It didn't take much to tell that even Roshi was surprised by how much damage he had caused. There was no doubt in his mind that he was going to catch a lot of flak for this.

And here he thought that most of his emotional and stress related problems would have been dealt with once he finally killed Kisame.

It wasn't a hollow victory, but he certainly felt robbed big time.

"How much did the shark bite off?"

It took a moment for him to answer. "Enough. I can provide solid support, but I'm not going to be frontline material for the rest of the day. Something's off with Goku, if that wasn't obvious enough by now."

"Wonderful." Onoki grimaced, looking at his village and lamenting as the explosions started to pick up again. "Tell me you at least killed the Akatsuki."

"If he's not dead from that, then someone is helping him, or my drink is seriously spiked." He reached for his urn, only to realize that it had broken apart in the chaos. "… Was seriously spiked."

"Fine then. Come on. This fiasco isn't over yet." The Tsuchikage floated down and patted his old friend on the shoulder, immediately allowing him to float as well.

"Hmph. I've been telling myself for years." The pair didn't look back, travelling deeper into the village.

o. o. o.

Explosions littered the noon sky like a shooting star shedding fireworks.

"Come on Auntie! You're doing so well! Keep it up and I might have to fight back!"

o. o. o.

It took a few seconds for most of the audience to piece it together, but when they did, their reactions were more or less the same.

Today seemed to be destined to reunite large numbers of foreheads with hands.

o. o. o.

Coasting almost lazily in the sky, moving backwards with his hands in his pocket, Naruto's clone was grinning cheerfully while avoiding the absurd numbers of exploding tags flying in his direction. Some folded up as birds. Others as shuriken. And some as crude daggers.

In contrast, Konan was a maelstrom of paper desperately trying to keep up while assaulting him with said huge number of exploding tags. A horizontal rain of white flew from her at the blonde, but no matter the numbers or intense the explosions, the clone seemed to be as fresh as a daisy without a scratch.

He was playing with her.

A shadow clone was playing with an S ranked criminal.

The implications of this fact were disgusting and humbling on so many levels that most shinobi wouldn't believe it even if they saw it.

Case and point, many in the audience thought that what they were seeing was a joke.

Judging from the irritated and frustrated expression Konan was making, it was a pretty bad one at that.

"I can't let him get to Nagato."

White wings from below spawned, imitating those from Heaven's majesty. Piece by piece they support the path to the beyond.

"Hoh?"

The clone's reaction was instant, immediately taking evasive actions as Konan's projectiles suddenly began to cut through the irregular and invisible slipstreams he made to deflect them in the first place.

It was an interesting change of pace. He was without a doubt on the defensive now, and at risk of being killed at this rate…

… That is, so long as he still fought on this level.

Dropping. Weaving. Swaying. Jerking. His movements were as swift and irregular as a stray leaf in the middle of a storm. There was no pattern or clues that she could read that would give her a bead on where he was going to be.

They were after all, in the middle of the sky right now.

Konan may have wings, but she only knew how to traverse the heavens.

She did not rule it.

This was his territory, not hers.

o. o. o.

"Oooh?!"

"That idiot." Sasuke clearly wasn't in awe like most of the people around him. It was true that aerial fights were incredibly rare in the shinobi world, but he was focused on more important things. "Even if he's a clone saving chakra, he could have beaten her down by now. Anyone can tell that he's not even trying."

"He's stalling." Shikamaru corrected him. "Give Naruto more credit than that Sasuke. You know he doesn't waste time when the cards are down unless it's for a reason."

"Why is he stalling though?" Chouji asked the question that was on everyone's minds.

"We'll find out soon enough." Kakashi turned to the clone that was with them in person. "Or if you really want to spoil yourselves, we can always just bug our own furball of genius."

All eyes turned to the small fox in Hinata's arms expectantly.

He didn't respond immediately though.

"Something's not right."

And like that, any and all good mood accumulated recently died.

"Please don't tell me he just said that." Sakura groaned.

"He said it." Ino lamented.

"What's wrong?" Shion asked.

"I don't know." The clone shifted uncomfortably. "That guy's demeanor just bugs me though. He's too happy and at ease. It's almost as if he hasn't… SON OF A BITCH WE HIT A TIME LOOP! I'M GONNA-?!"

o. o. o.

Just as the clone was about to finally start making seals for a jutsu, the screen flickered with a familiar static, bouncing between images of the current setting and a blank background with a spike spearing through his heart.

o. o. o.

"DAMN IT!" Just like last time, the clone in Hinata's arms lurched as if he was the one that was stabbed, yelping like the fox he appeared to be.

"Hinata!" Sakura rushed over to him quickly, hands already glowing green.

"Already ahead of you." With her Byakugan active, the Princess got to work stabilizing and steadying the clone's chakra.

"What, Kakashi, did you see that too?" Sasuke shifted uncomfortably, his sharingan focused on the clone.

"Yeah. I also managed to get a glimpse of it in time." The Cyclops had his sharingan on Naruto as well.

"What? What did you see?" Shikamaru pressed, his mind already going through possibilities at rapid speed. The more information he had, the better a picture he could paint.

"Pretty much exactly what was on the screen. It was like a genjutsu that had almost fooled reality into thinking Naruto's been stabbed."

"A genjutsu that targets reality?" Chouji blinked. "Are you joking? There are actually illusions like that?"

"There are, but records and evidence of them existing in the first place are so confidential and dangerous that they are considered myths at best to the general populace." Kurenai spoke up. "They can be considered the more esoteric and complex cousins of timespace ninjutsu. Even as one of the top Genjutsu specialists in the village, I'm not allowed to do research on them without express permission from Hokage-sama under extreme circumstances. Outside of the few nameless ones I have heard whispers about, the only other confirmed users of such techniques in Konoha… were the Uchiha Clan."

Sasuke shifted slightly, a major tell that he didn't appreciate being put on the spot. "I, might, have read of a couple of genjutsu that would fall in that category. Problem is that none of them do what I just saw, or would be able to hit all of Naruto's clones simultaneously over a massive distance. If my clan ever did have something like that, the person you would want to ask would be Itachi."

"Well? Doesn't that solve the mystery then? Itachi's a part of Akatsuki." Ino spoke up, being one of the members of the group that didn't know about Itachi's double agent status.

"It's possible, but still hypothetical." Kakashi diverted the subject, turning his attention back to the screen. "The best we can do now is keep watching and see if we can learn anything else. Hinata. Sakura. How is he?"

"GRRRRRRR."

"Use words jackass." Sasuke chided the borderline rabid fox.

"Recovering. But if he gets hit with another one soon, we'd have to rely on luck to keep him together." Hinata warned. She was cradling the disturbed fox, and most would assume she was just petting it spoiled if it weren't for the chakra glowing around her hands.

"Well, hopefully the insane clan running this thing heard us." Shikamaru muttered. "They prefer to keep things interesting, not ruin the show. They won't risk this over a stupid mistake on their part."

o. o. o.

Sylvia glanced at Shadow. "Awww. He's so cute. He knows you so well."

"He's off limits Syl. Break that rule and I will shatter more than a few oaths to end you for good."

"Yes yes. I figured as much."

Dima leaned over Anko to Ghost, nodding at the two women sitting on the railing behind them. "Oi, do you know how…?"

"Not a clue. She was like this when I got back. The others don't know either." Ghost whispered back. "From what I can guess, it's exploiting an extreme "don't ask don't tell" sort of loophole. Leave it, Dima. You know how rare something like this happens. Don't risk ruining a good thing."

"Mmm." Resting back in his seat and ignoring the curious looks he got from the girls and his younger companions, the old man did just that. He knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.

For now, it was best to just relax and enjoy the rest of the show.

If this kid really was trained extensively by Ghost, then right about now…

… Would be the part where things start to get interesting.

o. o. o.

Konan didn't know what happened, but she wasn't going to question it.

One moment the clone was being its usual insufferable self, the next it was acting as though it was having a heart attack, clenching its chest with a look of genuine surprise, pain, and confusion on its face.

False white feathers, shed from false white wings. A false blessing to bring true judgement.

She didn't waste a moment, and bombarded it with dozens if not hundreds of exploding tags folded up like cranes. A flock of white surrounded and cut apart the clone's skin, but did little more than that. Even with her Presence, she had trouble getting her attacks through the slipstreams he generated.

BOOM!

It probably had not been up to Deidara's standards, but she was certain that she had gotten the annoying clone this time.

Indeed, from the cloud of smoke, the body of the clone fell effortlessly, scratched up and burned in a few places. Judging from the absurdly dense chakra it had, this was no doubt the clone she was chasing and not a decoy.

Gathering more paper to form a spear, she made sure to take in everything while she had a chance. The clone's chakra was indeed fluxing erratically, as though it was being attacked by something else entirely. The way it was still grabbing its heart showed just how severe of an effect this outside factor was having on it.

She frowned. It put a bad taste in her mouth that she needed help from someone else to deal with a clone of all things. However, now was not the time or place to let her pride matter.

"Dance of the Shikigami. Holy Lance." The spear made of paper, but stronger than most materials imagined by man, hovered complete over her head.

With a swipe of her hand, the pole jettisoned straight at the clone faster than most eyes could track, crossing the distance between them in a less than a few seconds.

"Shi-!" Weakened as it was, the clone had not been unaware of what was happening.

Awareness had not been enough to prevent him from being hit, and subsequently thrown to the earth a kilometer below.

The impact made from his collision with the ground caused tremors that scared away the local wildlife and triggered a small landslide a small distance away.

Konan floated in place, focusing on the crater she had made. Already she could feel the clone's chakra begin to ebb and weaken. She was slightly put off by the fact that it didn't puff out immediately like most clones, but then again, this one was clearly different than others.

Once the chakra levels dropped below a certain point, she finally turned away. Iwa was important, but it would be best to check up on Nagato for now. He did lose all six paths at once. Who knows if there was any side effects from a shock like that?

Back on the ground, the clone laid motionless in a ten meter radius crater, Konan's spear impaling his left shoulder. It missed his heart, but the blow was heavy enough that it would have obliterated any other clone on impact.

"Ngh." It groaned, breathing deeply and grabbing at the spike with his right hand. It looked up aimlessly at the sky before dropping its head back limply. "… Damn it."

What several people watching noticed most of all, was that the camera was angled so that the upper half of the clone's face wasn't visible.

(Play Music. Artist: Sum 41. Song: Screaming Bloody Murder.)

(I'm not quite myself these days.)

"Ha. After all this time I'm still an idiot. This is what happens when I get my hopes up."

It was the casual, almost sage like peace in his tone that caused the audience watching to get an ominous tingle down their spines.

(Guess we all come undone, time to time in different ways, well…

I have myself to blame.)

"A fucking world tree. Beaten in the sky by a paper woman. Talk about a bad joke. And here I thought that I could get through this fiasco…"

(Guess I don't understand,

I need help in many ways…)

His right hand gripped the spear tighter.

"… Without losing my temper."

Over a kilometer away, Konan froze as she felt something akin to the shinigami hovering right behind her back, breathing down her neck, and peering at her very soul.

"Level Two: Shunshin."

Even if she had been able to hear the explosion in the distance, it was come far too late to prevent what would happen next.

Just as she turned around enough to see what it was-

((Guitar.))

If she wasn't almost about to be attacked, she would have been stunned at just how different his face looked now that he wasn't smiling and cheering like a child.

The clone was already there, barely a meter away from her in mid air, with a hole in its chest and her spear in its raised right hand, wrapped in literally a tornado of air and chakra, about to strike down.

To be honest, it was almost as if she was staring down Pain himself.

Cold blue eyes shadowed by golden blonde hair looked down upon her, as though she was the one that heaven was judging now.

"What?"

Her mind stalled.

She couldn't seem to comprehend just how the half dead clone had not only come back so viciously, if at all.

Fortunately for her, her instincts took over in this period of bewilderment. With a jerk that should have looked more desperate than it actually was, she managed to pull away from the improvised twister just before it came down on her head, avoiding it completely.

"Wha?!"

… Or she would have, if the impossibly vicious suction of the twister didn't yank her back into it as it passed downward much to her astonishment.

The instant a piece of her clothes brushed against the whirlwind itself, her entire body lurched, dragged into the vortex and was fired like a cannon backwards as though she was the spear she had thrown just moments before.

And like the spear, she was hammered into the earth below so viciously that the resulting crater was twice the size as the one she made just a minute earlier.

o. o. o.

(God's got a plan for me.

Well, I'm gonna tell you one thing:

I don't got the patience, or the time.)

All around the elemental nations, you could hear a pin drop.

Then someone, somewhere, broke it.

"Holy shit he's pissed."

o. o. o.

(What can I say?

I'm no angel.)

Konan panted as her head reformed itself from countless flying pieces of paper, soon accompanied by the rest of her body. Even after dispersing the damage by splitting herself apart, she still suffered a good deal of damage from that attack. Worse still was that she hadn't even been directly hit by it in the first place.

That clone, no, that Jinchuriki. He was far too dangerous to leave alone anymore.

"Auntie Konan."

She froze once more and looked up in mixed horror and disbelief as the clone had once again crossed an absurd distance in a short period of time, floating just a few meters away from her.

Her trained instincts and skills had kicked up instantly despite her dazed status, kicking up flurries of sheets of paper around her and making them go rigid.

Sharper and harder than any kunai while being controlled and thrown by her chakra, assaulting most enemies with a flurry of these several dozen to hundred projectiles was normally enough to take out most squads of shinobi.

And yet they would not move.

And yet she could not move.

Her horrified eyes latched onto his right hand, making a simple half ram seal.

"Impossible. He froze the air around me to hold me down?!"

(I'm not forsaken.)

That same hand opened up just a few moments later, palm aimed right at her.

"Enough handicaps."

(But I can bleed!)

BOOOM!

(Chorus:

Tear me open.

I believe

God will send you all to bleed!

And no one can deceive

What is meant to be

A Bloody Murder

We will Scream!)

Konan, or rather, the seemingly endless flurries of paper that made up her body, was blasted by what was less a titanic pulse of wind chakra and more a hyper condensed storm that obliterated what defenses she might have managed to gather in the sparse time she had. It was akin to being assaulted by Kakuzu's jutsu in a way, only the chakra the boy possessed was VASTLY more potent.

Case and point, while she did gather herself together after being blown apart and ride on the momentum of Naruto's point blank attack to widen the distance between them, she was not unscathed.

Her coat tattered around her waist to show her revealing sleeveless shirt and pierced navel, her hair undone, her body bleeding. She was far from the pristine image of an angel that she often touted herself of being back in Amegakure.

"Monster. Only a jinchuriki could possibly make a clone this powerful." She hissed, letting her wings carry her away from her attacker and gain some time to think.

Apparently, she needed more space, as not a moment later, a visible ball of air two meters in diameter shot through the dust cloud and charged straight at her.

Pulsing her chakra in case the clone froze the air around her again, Konan dodged out of the way of the attack easily. She had more than enough time and skill to do so as it passed by harmlessly ten meters aw-

"?!"

BOOM!

The projectile exploded without warning, erupting with so much concussive force that it spawned a genuine twister upon detonation that reached up to the sky. Shrapnel in the form of wind chakra blades scattering in literally every direction and in all sizes. The local landscape was utterly butchered by the sudden onslaught. Tree, stone, and animal were all indiscriminate victims. Further insult to injury was had by the unreal gale force winds that threw what remained intact away from the epicenter violently.

Konan would have too if she didn't sense what was going to happen a fraction of a second before it did and used her wings as an impromptu shield.

Said shield did not fare well despite the chakra she had poured into it as it was torn apart and pushed away at the same time.

"NGH." She didn't know how far she had been thrown back, but Konan had recovered quick enough to maintain some stability in the air and not crash onto the ground. She used that momentum to gain more distance as fast as possible, staying away from the giant funnel that was far too close to her than she would like.

She'd loose at this rate. Holding back wasn't an option anymore, as much as it stabbed her pride to be pushed so far by an injured clone of all things.

(Well I guess it's time for me.

Tell me what I'm left to believe in?

'Cause I don't know the concept of the pain.

I don't want the fate.

I'm just losing.

I can't prove it,

Watch me bleed!)

Her fingers flew through the seals even as she felt the next overwhelming jutsu come at her. It would be close, but she couldn't risk being juggled around anymore than she already had…

From what looked like all around her, dozens of fist sized balls of chakra shot through the air, spiraling around her as if she was the epicenter of their paths before colliding with her unmoving body, all erupting with rapturous concussive force.

The clone hovered a small distance away with an unreadable expression on its face.

The jutsu he pelted her with was designed more for penetration power than explosive power. The fact that it did explode meant…

The dust around Konan was blown away in a single gesture…

The truth was the truth. A lie was a lie. Regardless of which was which…

And with twelve paper wings, each at least four meters in length.

The grandeur and wrath of majesty and divinity would be witnessed and bestowed on all.

… Her defense was stronger than his attack.

"Dance of the Shikigami. Seraphim." Konan straightened her posture, allowing the full majesty of her paper limbs to be witnessed by both Naruto and her unknowing audience. "To think that I'd be forced to use this jutsu against a clone."

"… Why the hell didn't you use that last time? Were you even trying back then?" It was barely audible under his breath, but those with sharp hearing did catch it, not that most understood what he meant.

Konan heard him too, but she didn't bother asking what he meant. She had better things to do than bother with the ramblings of a clone. Reaching a higher elevation, she began shedding paper at an increased rate. Instead of making small scale projectiles though, she was surrounded by floating spears just like the one that she had attacked with earlier.

"Die."

Both sides moved at once. Konan threw her hand down, launching her artillery at high speeds…

And the clone casually whipped out its right hand.

No longer armed with the spear that had stabbed it earlier, but armed with a chakra blade half a meter in length, packed with so much raw power that it was literally solid.

The gale force winds generated from that single swipe as a mere aftereffect of the swing were enough to cause a spontaneous storm to form instantly, blasting away Konan's attack easily…

But not Konan.

The clone frowned as he witnessed the visible slipstreams he made hammer into her folded wings as they protected her, the air pressure so dense that anyone could see the individual trails of gas strip around and past her defenses as though it was water.

But they did nothing against the Akatsuki herself, or the white wings with black markings on them.

Seals. Of course it would be seals. What better way to upgrade the jutsu of a person that uses paper as a weapon?

"So that's how she would have fought the Biju." The clone relaxed its stance, observing his opponent skeptically. Nagato clearly managed to teach her a few Uzumaki secrets over the years that Naruto wasn't aware of.

(Chorus.)

"… I see. I thought it was odd that a clone could be so strong."

White shield unfolding and black ink fading, the woman revealed herself. The wind pressure generated by doing so would have blown away most people unfortunate to be near her, but even as a clone, Naruto's mastery over wind was unparalleled, and thus was seemingly untouched.

"Your chakra, it's unnaturally dense, but I can sense it's notably lower than it was earlier, but when you were fooling around, you were keeping your jutsu to a minimum. You were saving your chakra. It's not that you won't use low power jutsu.

"You can't."

The clone didn't react. Instead it stayed in place, waiting for the next opening. The revelation of his weakness didn't bother him at all.

"Your dense chakra won't let you. Every attack you make is overpowered at a base level, so every attack you make uses an unworldly amount of chakra. You can't last long if you keep using them, so you tried to finish me quickly after you could no longer play around. That wound in your shoulder has put you on a clock."

"You make it sound like you can beat me."

White wings twitched. The blue haired woman's eyes peered down to the bleeding hole in her opponent's chest, noting for the first time that its blood was actually blue like the blade on its arm.

As bizarre as it seemed, the thing was literally bleeding chakra.

"I don't have to."

35 percent.

For the first time since getting serious, the clone smirked, as if he had just heard a bad joke. "… Like false God, like false Angel. Both half assed in every way."

Konan would have asked what he meant by that, but was interrupted as the clone charged straight to her.

(Guitar Solo.)

She didn't waste time, flapping all twelve wings to propel herself backwards at blinding speeds while firing off enough exploding tags at her enemy to level half a village in a single go.

Her mobility was already high while flying, but with six pairs of wings, she was easily the fastest member of Akatsuki. They gave her greater speed, agility, attacking power, defense, jutsu. An unstoppable sacrament. In the sky, she was the ultimate force of destruction and authority that only God could surpass.

It wasn't nearly enough.

With a single swipe of its good arm, the world in front of the clone moved, taking all of Konan's exploding tags with it. It was less a massive wave of wind, and more the shifting of the sky itself.

What made things worse was that he had not only kept moving while doing this, but that he was gaining on her.

32 percent.

What came next was a viciously fast and erratic game of cat and mouse in the sky that easily could have been mistaken for an all-out areal dogfight. Both parties moving so fast that they were nothing more than blurs to spectators.

The black and white blur always leading the game, trailed by white debris that erupted in explosions seconds later.

The black and orange blur ever gaining ground, slashing and blowing away everything in its path as though it wasn't there, and tearing through what little remained. Never stopping, never slowing down. Its approach from an outside perspective seemed unstoppable.

28 percent.

Dozens of times the two parties seemed to clash. Dozens of times, a white wing or two was torn apart from the first body as a result, flailing and falling lifelessly in the air before scattering into what appeared to be countless feathers to rejoin the main body.

23 percent.

"Impossible! This clone… this clone is losing so much chakra, but it's still stronger than I am?!" Konan could not comprehend the absurdity of it all.

She could feel the clone's massive chakra dropping, but the thing would not slow down.

She was bombarding it with as many paper tags as she could, but she was doing no damage.

She was flying as fast as she could. Weaving in and out in directions and angles at speeds that she had never imagined before… but she could not shake it.

She… she was going to lose.

17 percent.

It wasn't her fault. She was a strong shinobi. One of the strongest. Against almost any other opponent in this situation, in a battlefield that was to her advantage, she clearly would have come out the victor. Hidan. Deidara. Sasori. Even Kisame wouldn't be able to hold up against her when she went all out. The only Akatsuki member that could stop her in her tracks was Pain.

However, against Naruto, clone or not, she was hopelessly out of her league… because up here she wasn't fighting a shinobi…

She was against heaven itself.

And once an angel turns its spears against heaven, it can only do one thing…

"Enough of this!" After having her twentieth wing shorn off her, Konan had realized the futility of their fight. She couldn't run. She couldn't use guerrilla tactics. She couldn't stay on the defensive. She had tried those, and all those had led to were close encounters and even more near deaths.

('Cause I'm

Not giving up.

No self-control suffocated to the bone.

I'm my

Worst enemy.

Who can't be saved.

I'm just his disgrace.)

She spun around to turn around to face Naruto, her wings moving all the while.

Six wings stretched out, all equidistant from one another.

Six wings arched and met their tips in front of her.

Paper spreading out all around the wings, from a distance appearing as a cross between discarded feathers and glitter.

Twelve lines intersected in the middle, with circles linking the entire matrix ever few meters to reveal a massive seal, her chakra already spiking.

"Forbidden Art! Seventh Seal!"

Krk.

The clone froze in surprise as the jutsu took effect and Konan's seal shone with a corrupted "holy" light, while something broke at the center of the enclosure… and continued to break outward.

"A dimensional rift?! Where the hell was she hiding that?!" For the first time, the clone began to feel some alarm as the cracks began to grow in size and length.

It was a rather impressive setup. The wings spread outward and the paper floating aimlessly made an array that paralyzed anything in its range. The wings spread inward weakened the barrier between this world and a parallel one enough to make a hole that would suck up everything in its range like a black hole. What the hell was that woman thinking? The gap could easily go out of control and…

… Ah. Now he felt it. There was a specified area around him that was not only paralyzed by the jutsu, but also stuck in an invisible pseudo barrier too. It went pretty far back and widened like a cone. That was the intended attack range, almost like Onoki's Dust Release.

It was rather crude in execution, but it still made one hell of a finishing move. His opinion on Konan's abilities had jumped up a few levels.

Pointing his blade at Konan, he fired it off straight at her. If he could disrupt the jutsu or take out her wings…

The space in front of her shattered just before the attack connected, revealing a kaleidoscope like scenery that made absolutely no sense to anyone that saw it, but was an impossibly familiar sight to the blonde as his attack fell into the abyss and dissipated.

"Of course I was too late!" He grimaced as he instantly began to feel a titanic pull into the beyond and began to resist it. It reminded him of Pain's jutsu, directly forcing objects to and from his body.

13 percent.

If he had more power, he would have been able to hold up against the suction of another reality better. Hell, the original could probably manage to close the hole up itself so long as it was only this big. Too bad he wasn't the original.

Direct attacks were out. No point in firing something into a hole that went to another reality. Can't fight the pull for much longer. The barrier prevented any normal means of escape. Couldn't focus enough to control the air outside of the barrier to attack Konan and disrupt the jutsu and stay free or intact at the same time.

He could possibly kill Konan and disrupt the jutsu with one final explosion, but that would be pointless. He needed to get to Nagato after this. Kinda hard to do that if he was popped, and it's not like… huh.

Now there's a thought.

"Hrgh." With extreme effort, the clone moved its left arm to his chest and dispelled the chakra blade on his right. Not a lot of chakra left now. It was still more than most shinobi could ever imagine having, but it was barely enough for what he was going to do next.

Konan frowned as she saw it move from behind her wings. "Whatever it is, you're too late. My wings will protect me from whatever you have, and the seal you are stuck in can't be overpowered with what chakra you have left."

Despite her statement, she couldn't help but get a dropping feeling in her stomach as the clone smirked, staring directly in her eyes.

The mighty wind does not stop.

Its hands formed a simple cross seal, and then surprising everyone, the clone was sucked up by Konan's jutsu and vanishing into the void. Its defeat triggering her jutsu to close on itself.

It goes wherever it pleases.

(Chorus)

Poof.

Shnk.

Seven percent.

"Funny little trick about shadow clones."

Behind the stunned Konan, the newly formed level two clone calmly lectured, hand pressed against her back, chakra blade poking from his hand through her stomach.

In front of her, her seal remained as it was. Closed. Inactive. Useless.

Aimed at absolutely nothing but the open sky.

"When a clone decides to make another clone, unlike normal human casters, they have no limit to how much chakra they put into the copies. So, hypothetically, if we wanted to pour literally everything we had into a single copy, and control precisely where it shows up… well, it's technically not that much different from genuine teleportation, is it?"

Of course, this trick also required that he waste about a third of his chakra to pull it off in the first place, but it was worth it. There was still a hole in his chest, but because it was on purpose from being copied from the original clone, there was no more chakra leakage too.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "Y-You…"

"That's right. You lost to a clone, because he was a clone."

The blade in her stomach vanished, but before she could react, her wings were shorn off effortlessly, followed by a savage blow in the kidney that nearly folded her in half backwards and caused her body to seize up. Any hope of her escaping or fighting back died as she began to black out while falling to the ground.

That's right.

The moment an Angel turned against Heaven…

… All it could do was fall.

She couldn't turn into paper. Her wings took up too much chakra and concentration to do so. That went double when she was using her seals. The injuries were real. The damage was real. Her exhaustion was real.

Her loss was real.

"Nagato…"

o. o. o.

A paper encampment was torn open, revealing the frame of an emaciated man with ringed eyes and red hair, hooked up to a vicious looking machine.

He didn't look pleased as Konan's beaten, but still alive and half conscious, body was thrown at the ground at his encased feet.

(These days are strange, it's true.)

Standing at the entrance, Naruto's clone stood calmly with both hands in his pocket, pretending as if nothing was wrong, even though he was barely at five percent of his chakra now.

(There's not a thing that I would change.)

… Pretending to not notice the existence of a fourth person step from the shadows behind him, wearing an Akatsuki cloak.

(Not a choice that I'd undo.)

"Hello, Nagato."

o. o. o.

"Ngh."

"Haha! Come on! Don't tell me that this is all you got! You tried to kill the first Hokage didn't you? I thought relics from your era were made of stronger stuff!"

Kakuzu grimaced as he skidded back on the streets of Iwagakure, his tentacles flailing in every direction from every fissure in his body.

He had four masks when this had all started.

He was down to two.

"Sage Mode. It just had to be that infuriating jutsu again." The Heart Thief had thought that his luck had started to finally look up once he had stolen the heart of that bloodline user, but it had run out again just as quickly.

The rumors about Jiraiya were countless. He was strong. He was weak. He was serious. He was a perverted dumbass. It was clear to everyone in the spy business that tried to look him up that the man had flooded the system with his own rumors to hide the truth in them.

Toad Sage. Fucking hell. He was called the Toad Sage and not once did a single person actually bother to think that he was a genuine Sage.

One of the masks on his shoulders cracked open its mouth to attack, only to crack backwards from being hit from a water bullet from the toad on Jiraiya's shoulder. Another Sage.

He wasn't going to win.

Ninjutsu. Taijutsu. Strength. Speed. Power. The white haired bastard had him covered in nearly every way that mattered. There was only so much that his tentacles could do, and that annoying wart covered thing on Jiraiya's shoulder covered whatever opening that was made in the process.

The hands of the artist craft enlightenment. Only the worthy understand grandeur of its works.

""?!""

"Katsu!"

BOOM!

An explosion that took out at least five buildings rocked the area.

"Hooaaa! So that's Presence's effect on jutsu!? Amazing! That was only a normal C1 bomb! Mmm!"

"Deidara, you idiot. Presence isn't meant for sneak attacks. Jiraiya probably managed to escape from that." Sasori grunted in annoyance while his partner swooned at the results of his art.

"You stupid brat! You almost got me with that stunt!" Kakuzu roared from a nearby rooftop.

"Oi! Kakuzu-danna! Sorry about that! I'm still getting used to this Presence thing! But did you see what I did!? My art's gonna be even more amazing now!"

"Forget your art! Jiraiya's a genuine Sage and a Presence user! That won't be enough to beat-?! Move!"

A tongue shot out from the dust straight at the flying owl at insane speeds, and it was only due to Kakuzu's warning that the two artists managed to avoid it in time.

"Hoh? Three on one now? That's not fair at all." Jiraiya hummed to himself as he walked though the rubble as though he had just not avoided getting blown up. "That brat Deidara's here. Maybe that's how Sasori managed to get away from Onoki. There's no way that the old man would have gone down this quickly."

"Three on two. Learn to count tadpole." Pa coughed on his student's shoulder while withdrawing his tongue. "All this dust is wreaking havoc on my old lungs."

"Sorry. Sorry. Let me clear that up then." With an otherwise casual clap of his hands, the Sage from Konoha blew away the airborne dust in an instant, clearing up his view of his opponents.

Sasori lifted an eyebrow. He had felt the shockwave from that clap from here. "He's strong."

"He's a Sage. Tell me you killed Onoki." Kakuzu didn't take his eyes off his opponent.

His words said enough. Unless they gave Jiraiya their full attention, he did not have good hopes on their chances for victory.

"He went back to see that drunk Roshi." Deidara glanced back to see the destruction that the Yonbi had caused just a few minutes earlier. He could see two bodies in the air flying to them already. "If Kisame's not dead from that show earlier, then he shouldn't complain if I test my bombs on him after this mess."

"Wonderful." Pain's gone. Konan's gone. Itachi's gone. Now Kisame. They were getting split up and taken out one by one. At this rate, it was going to be Kakuzu, Sasori, and a half dead Deidara versus a still fresh Sage, a Tsuchikage that uses Dust Release, and a Jinchuriki that had full control over their Biju.

They were not in a good spot.

"Hoohohohoh? What's happening here? Looks like fun."

Everyone stiffened at the question.

It was understandable seeing as it didn't belong to the three Akatsuki or Jiraiya.

The majesty of agony. Sharing of misfORtune. A blessINg of SYmpathy that causes all to ***** and waIL to the HEAvens AND hells of ALL REALMS. P-*n. Slaughter. ANguish. Bro*/n. Sev*red. Lacerated. Gouged. Glee. Malice. Kill kill kill kill killkillkillKILLKILLK*****LL!

Sitting on top of the remains of a collapsed building, Hidan grinned widely, leaning his scythe over his shoulder.

He looked like a human. Sounded like a human. Talked like a human. Ate, breathed, and moved like one.

But the moment anyone with experience saw him, they would know that this monster was as far from their kind as feasibly possible.

Just like that, Jiraiya knew that Naruto's luck had finally kicked in.

The day had started so well too.

o. o. o.

Omake:

Shadow walked into the living room and looked around.

Waltz was napping on an EZ boy chair.

Scab was working on some personal project in a corner.

Ghost was reading some porn with a highlighter in hand.

Crypt was picking his nose with the corner of a picture frame that he had gotten from who knows where.

She lazily blinked and stood in place for several seconds.

"I have an idea."

The room was now void of life save for her.

Without missing a beat, she walked over to Waltz's chair and leaned back in it to take a nap of her own, Zuzushi materializing and coiling up in her lap.

"Boys. Such simple creatures."

"Squeak."

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks again Kagaseo for your help betaing.

A shout out to my buddy Nate in Jacksonville. Nate, I don't know if you read this still or not, but I hope you're doing well man. Irma's a bitch, and my heart goes out to you and everyone else down there.

To anyone that's down in Florida, or Houston, or anywhere that's been hurt by the shit weather lately, please, help them. Don't just donate. Help with the cleanup crews and aid groups. I've seen what this shit can be like. Hurricane Sandy literally destroyed my dad's childhood home town and actual home, and I'm not stretching the truth on that. Look up the pictures of Rockaway beach after it hit. Looters will be a problem. Homes will be destroyed. Livelihoods will be wrecked. If you are in the area and are not doing anything useful yet, HELP THEM.

Anyways, with that out of the way…

IIII. AM. ALIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEE!

I'm so sorry for taking so long with this chapter guys. I really am. I wish I could say that the delay was because I had other projects. I wish I could say that I was busy writing my own book, or that some major family event happened, or anything big like that.

The truth though, was that I'm simply burned out. I'm still burned out.

For the past few months, and for the next couple of months, my job has me working near constant 6 days a week. Labor Day weekend was the first two day weekend I've had since 4th of July week, and yes, I said two day weekend, because I worked that Saturday.

I get paid. Which is good. Hell, I just reached the 2 year mark at my job, meaning a small promotion and pay raise. Mix that with the apartment that I rent out in Connecticut, and I'm pulling a solid six figures annually… before taxes and all that other bull at least.

Problem is that with writing, I apparently need some time to unwind to make any solid progress. More than a day at least. It took me a month and a half to even register that I was burned out in the first place and that it was seriously stalling my progress with writing.

I know that most people work harder than me, and longer hours than me and still pump stories out at faster rates, but well… this is how I function guys. I can't help it. Sorry.

Truth be told, I wanted to get farther in the story than where I stopped here. I had intended to finish the whole mess in Iwa in just two chapters, but it just dragged on and on, and now I need at least three, including this one, to finish everything. Maybe even more.

On the plus side, I have come up with some solid twists that I think everyone's going to like, but that's for later. Shits gonna get real big real soon. Insert evil laugh.

Yes. Kisame's dead. I had intended for him to die here for a while. No emotional realization. No closure. Just a surprise upset that blew him away instantly. In fact, I'm going Gen Urobutcher here, and he's only the first casualty. Bodies are going to fall on both sides in this fiasco.

As for Konan. Aaah Konan. So much potential, yet Kishimoto once again showed his hate for his female characters and their plot development. I seriously think she's vastly underrated. With the upgrades I've given her, she has the potential to easily be top tier among the Akatsuki.

Truth be told, when she used her Seraphim jutsu, Konan is pretty much unstoppable in the air. Onoki, Deidara, Sai, Temari, Fuu… They'd all get wrecked by Konan in this form easily. Gaara would last a while, but if he's in an area that's low on sand, he'd get outmaneuvered eventually. She's the ultimate shinobi areal carpet bomber. Pain could beat her, but that's because his powers are understandably bullshit.

The only reason why she lost so badly to Naruto's clone is because he is literally her absolute and unequivocal worst matchup. Just like Kisame is Naruto's due to his chakra absorption skills, and Konan is Kisame's due to her paper bombs not being able to be absorbed and her agility in the air.

It's like rock paper scissors. Naruto dominates Konan in mid range combat. Konan blows up Kisame while staying out of range, and Kisame absorbs whatever Naruto can throw at him.

So for those of you that don't know, I play FGO now, and I have thrown WAY too much money into the game trying to get Waver, and didn't. The rate up is a lie, and I suspect that they tweaked the numbers with the CE as well because I have multiples of EVERY 5 star CE, except I don't have a single Kalleidoscope.

… I do have a limit broken Black Grail though, and I did put it on my saber alter… so I can nuke everything to hell now… plus I just max ascended my Herc, so I'm never going to run out of Friend Points anymore…

I would offer my friend code here, but I already did it with GAIWP, and I'm now maxed out on spaces. Sorry guys.

Anyways, no promises on when the next chapter is coming out, but I am working on it. It just might take a while since I'm doing this between work and moments of blissful unconsciousness.

Fuck I'm tired.

Anything else… oh. Right. I'm going to Youmacon this year since I live pretty close to Detroit proper. Don't know if anyone else is going, but, meh. If I see you, I'll see you.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE A VOLCANO! AND REVIEW AGAIN!