Truth
Through the large glass window, Laguna gazed at the beautiful bundle that lay in the middle row — 'Gale Robert Leonhart' written on the card hanging from the front of the cot. They'd finally deemed it safe to move Gale, preparing him and his family to leave the hospital. Of course, this also meant that people could come and see him now, a particular detail that had definitely not gone unnoticed; he'd had a stream of guests from family and friends already. Laguna couldn't tear his eyes away from his beautiful grandson; it was just so amazing to finally see him after everything that had happened. Standing here now, he couldn't be more grateful for the chance that Squall had given him.
The rapid fall of feet drew his attention away from the object of adoration. Selphie could be seen running down the corridor and there was no doubt that her husband couldn't have been too far behind. They'd recently arrived back in Esthar, passing through after completing their mission. She skidded to a stop beside him and for a moment there, Laguna was genuinely worried that she was going to bowl him over. She pressed her hands against the window as she scanned the rows for her friend's son.
The president lifted a hand to point the child out, but she stopped him.
"I wanna find him myself."
Irvine stepped behind his wife, giving Laguna a nod and tip of his hat. "Afternoon Laguna. How's Rinoa and Squall doing?"
"As well as you can expect. They haven't taken it well, but they're recovering. Thought you would have seen them first?"
"We did, but you know Squall — he ain't the easiest person to read."
Laguna only had a minute to reflect on the pleasures of people turning to him to find out about Squall, when Selphie cried out.
"Found him!" She bounced to the balls of her feet, hoping to get a better view. "He's so cute, look at him! He's gonna be a pretty boy, I just know it. Oh, look at those tiny hands with their tiny fingers." She gasped. "Look at that one yawn, and that one stretching her fingers." She pointed to each one in turn, her eyes sparkling. "They're all so cute. I wanna hold one." Her eyes started going misty as she looked back at Gale. "I wonder when he'll start talking and walking… oh, and he'll have adorable little clothes as well and those cute little toys…"
Reaching behind her, she entangled her fingers in her lover's necklace, pulling him closer.
"Irvy, I wanna baby," she uttered, her eyes trained on the children before them.
Irvine wordlessly grinned back at her.
She finally looked away and back to her husband, a slow grin spread across her face. Without a second glance at Laguna, she led him away, leaving the other man standing by himself and feeling more than a little awkward.
On their way out, they passed Squall coming from the other way. The young man paused as he watched his friends leave and turned back to Laguna.
"I thought they'd stay for longer."
"Be grateful they aren't."
"I'll take your word for it."
The younger man stepped forward to fill the space that Selphie had just left, his eyes automatically seeking out his baby son. Something filled his expression, a look and a shine that he had never seen on Squall's face, not even when his gaze fell on Rinoa. It made Laguna once again feel the keen stab of what he had missed with Squall, but the air was still as Laguna watched his son watch his son. There was something about that moment that felt so peaceful.
"The doctors say he's blind."
Squall's comment was like being struck in the face, making him reel out of the moment with his head spinning. "What?"
"Blind," he repeated, "not completely, but legally. It's not going to get better though."
"Isn't there something they can do? Laser eye surgery or something?"
"His eyesight will get worse over time regardless of what they try. Even if they restore his sight now, or as much as they can, it will only degrade again. Surgery can only do so much. By the time he's five, it will be completely useless."
"I'm sorry." He seemed to be saying that a lot recently.
"At least he's alive," his son's voice was calm, gentle even."Rinoa and I can deal with whatever disability he has. As long as he's alive, we can make it through. We'll just have to work a little harder."
Laguna was about to blurt out that he was glad to hear that, but stopped himself just in time. To say such a thing would have implied that he had doubts about how well Squall could have handled this, rather than simply being glad that he was ploughing on through the hard times.
"You'll make it though," he said instead. "You two are strong."
He turned back to his sleeping grandson. Gale looked so small and helpless in his little cot. Although smaller than he should have been, even he could tell just by looking at the other babies, he shone amongst them, so much more beautiful and remarkable than any of them. Of course, it could have simply been the familial bias talking.
Laguna pushed aside thoughts of what Squall might have looked like as a baby, not wishing to spoil the moment with bitter thoughts of a missed past. His son had given him the most wonderful gift he could have wanted — a family, a newborn grandson and all the grief that came with them. It was painful to lose one of the twins and to have the other so tragically handicapped, but the mere fact that he was alive and going to live and grow seemed to make the last few weeks all worthwhile. To see his grandson, to be able to be a part of his life…it was one of the best things to have ever happened to him. Something he'd never thought he'd ever be able to thank Squall enough for.
"Thank you," Laguna told him, figuring he might as well make a start "for letting me in, for giving me the chance to become part of this. I'm glad that, for whatever reason, you decided that you weren't angry and to give me a chance."
"Do you want to know why I made that decision?"
"Sorry, I wasn't hinting or anything," he hastily explained, "I just meant that, no matter what, I'm thankful for the position I'm in now."
"But you are curious?"
He'd be lying if he said he wasn't, but he respected Squall's wishes to keep certain things private. However, it did seem like his son was offering to share the information with him. Perhaps there was no harm in admitting that and taking Squall's lead from there. If the other man didn't want to discuss it after all, he would let the matter lie.
"Yeah, but you don't have to tell me, not if you don't want to. I respect your wishes for privacy."
Squall didn't reply at first, his eyes remaining focused on Gale, but Laguna knew his thoughts were elsewhere.
"It's not my privacy I'm worried about," he said as he finally looked up at his father. "This stays between us." When Laguna nodded, he turned away again. "A couple of days before I spoke with you, Irvine came to see me…"
…There was a knock at the door, causing Squall to look up in surprise. He'd just closed down his computer for the night, ready to go to bed and was seriously considering just ignoring the noise. Surely, whoever it was could wait until morning. If they thought it was fine to call on him at this time then they deserved to be left in the corridor.
The knock came again, louder this time. Of course, since no one would normally come knocking at his door at this hour, not even his friends, this probably meant that whatever they had to say was important. Not to mention the fact that if this continued, they would probably wake up Rinoa. Suppressing a groan, he glanced over at the bedroom door to check if it was closed before making his way to the front door. This had better be important, he thought to himself.
Taking a deep breath, he got ready to snap at the person on the other side, but the words on his tongue never left his mouth.
"Irvine?"
The cowboy grinned at him, leaning against the doorway with a bottle of whiskey in one hand. "The one and only."
"What are you doing here?"
"Well, Selphie's on a mission at the moment so I thought my ol' buddy Squall would have a drink with me."He shook the bottle to emphasise his point.
"It's two a.m. Irvine."
"I know, but it's just a drink. Please."
Something in his eyes pleaded for Squall to agree with him, effectively stopping the commander from turning away his friend. Instead he nodded, stepping to the side to let the other man into the apartment before closing the door behind them. He watched as the taller man strode over to the couch and dropped onto it, depositing the whiskey on the coffee table.
"I'll get us some glasses." Squall threw into the silence, quickly disappearing into the kitchen. He had no idea why Irvine was here, but he knew it wasn't just for a late night/early morning drink; he wasn't that dense. The other man had disappeared to Fisherman's Horizon for the weekend, a rather confusing vacation choice as it had little to offer other than fishing and places to laze around. It didn't seem like the cowboy's dream holiday and it didn't help that it wasn't the most SeeD-friendly place in the world either. What was weirder was that the man wasn't due back for another day. While he could believe that the man had simply gotten bored and come back early, it didn't explain why he decided that a stop off at his friend's place was in order.
Opening the freezer door, he took a few ice cubes and dropped them into the glasses as he braced himself for what was certain to be a very tense conversation. Handing the glasses over to his friend to fill up, he took his seat at the other end of the sofa.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, each holding their drink but not speaking, creating the first awkward moment between them in years. It was Irvine who finally broke the silence.
"Have you spoken to Laguna again?"
"Not yet," he admitted.
It wasn't that he hadn't thought about it, he had, a great deal. After all, it wasn't the kind of thing that one just forgets about. It was just that he genuinely had no idea how to feel or react. Something told him he should be angrier than he was, but he couldn't work up his emotions enough to care about it. Laguna had just appeared too late in his life for it to matter. Perhaps fifteen years ago, he may have cared, possibly ten, maybe even five. He'd never had a father before now, so there was nothing to miss. It was never something he thought about or yearned for as a child and nothing had changed now. A father was a non-factor for him, unimportant.
He couldn't deny that he was upset about what Ellone have been put through. Every now and then, he found himself wondering what may have happened if he had grown up with a sister and parents and the stirrings of some ugly emotions would rear its head, but they vanished as quickly as they appeared. He would see a life without Rinoa, which seemed like a far worse fate, bringing him back to square one.
Unfortunately, he had no desire to talk to Laguna about it either, especially not now when he wasn't sure what he would say. Naturally, Rinoa encouraged him, telling him that it had taken a lot of courage for him to even reveal their relation to each other. Part of him knew she was right, acutely aware that if she could bridge the gap between her and her father, then he could do the same with Laguna. The problem was that Squall didn't want Laguna hanging around in his life. He didn't want to give what the other man was hoping for — a second chance. Laguna had missed out and that was his problem. Squall was finally happy with his life and he didn't see the point of trying to reach out.
"You should," Irvine interrupted his thoughts, taking a swig of his drink.
"So everyone says," Squall muttered.
"Why don't you then?"
"I don't know what to say to him."
"That mad at him?
"No," Squall started on his drink, the sharp taste of cheap whiskey filling his mouth, "Not really. I just don't need him in my life."
"He's not a bad person, 'fact, I'd say he's a great person."
"I know and it wasn't his fault, but doesn't mean that he deserves a space in my life now."
The room descended into silence again, both men sipping their drinks.
"I got a letter from my father," Irvine suddenly announced.
Squall looked up at his friend. "I thought he was dead."
"Not Kinneas, my biological father." Oh, Squall had an idea of where this was going. "He said that he'd read about me and wanted to meet, that he was proud of me. Said we could talk about my mother and explain what had happened. I was kinda skeptical about his claim. I mean, I'd always assumed they'd died in the war, like Selphie's. Thought he might have been trying to dupe me for money or something, so I looked him up. Cid let me look at the orphanage records and everything seemed to match up.
"Turns out he and his wife were some of the original settlers to FH. Came from Esthar to escape the war and live in peace. You know, the whole spiel. He still lives in the house they built together so I thought, why not? Selphie was away and I was curious. I wanted to know who my real parents were and why I was at the orphanage."
Irvine paused to finish the contents of his glass. Reaching for the bottle, he poured himself another drink, topping up Squall's as he did so.
"So, I went to his place and it's a nice house. He earns a decent income as a fisherman and he's doesn't have anyone to share it with, so he's well off. He showed me pictures of my ma — she was pretty and looked way younger than him, but she was apparently a couple of years older. Here's the real killer though. She's Flo's younger sister, the major's wife. He talked about how they'd met and moved from Esthar, but he kept skipping around the topic of me. I wasn't sure if that was a bad sign or not, but I finally got him to spill." The cowboy let out a sharp laugh. "Turns out he never actually wanted me, only my ma did. She wanted a kid, had wanted one for years, but they'd always put it off — first the war, then moving to FH and then the starting of a new life and a new nation.
"Once they were settled, there was nothing to stop them and he'd run out of excuses. She was more desperate than ever and he was worried she'd leave him if he didn't give her want she wanted. That was all that really mattered to him in the end — what she wanted. They had me and named me after her dad; he was a lecturer or something at Esthar University. Apparently, she loved me to bits, was so proud and always showing me off. Then when I was a year old, she slipped off a dock and was crushed between a wall and the hull of a ship.
"So there he was, daddy dearest, left with little ol' me, a baby he never wanted. He tried to get Flo to take me, sayin' she would raise me better than he ever could. She refused, thinking it would force him to look after me but he sent me across the world to be off his hands instead. He says he panicked because he didn't know how to deal with a baby, like hell that's stopped anyone before. At least most people fuckin' try first. If he'd had a go at it, then maybe he would have found that it wasn't so bad, but it seems like I wasn't worth the try. No matter how many times he said he was upset at my mother's death or clueless about kids, it didn't change the fact that he didn't even try."
He drained his glass once more, setting it on his knee. "So, I got up and walked out. When he asked where I was going, I told him that I didn't think it was gonna work out." He refilled his glass. "I think I handled it pretty well."
Squall didn't say anything, unsure of what one said in these circumstances. He didn't really think that 'sorry' cut it and he had no words of comfort for his friend. He wasn't even sure why Irvine had decided that he was the best person to come to. Comforting people was not his forte.
"It's a shame."Irvine handed him the bottle, though commander set it down again without topping up his drink. "She seemed like a really good person, would have been better if he'd been crushed instead of her. I don't know why he bothered contacting me though. I mean, hell, how'd he think I was gonna react? That I wouldn't care and we'd go on to be best buddies? It wouldn't have been half as bad if he'd tried, then I could get why, but giving up before he'd even given it a chance…?"
The cowboy held up his whiskey to the light, watching it filter through he spoke more softly.
"You're really lucky, you know that right?"
Squall looked up, surprised by his comment. "Me?"
"Yeah, you know that Laguna didn't abandon you on purpose, he probably didn't know you were alive for years. If he did know, he would have gone all the way across the world to find you, just like he did for Ellone." He brought the tumbler back to his lips. "'Cause that's the kind of guy he is. There was nothing he could have done about what happened. You both just got screwed over by life."
Squall watched the ice in his glass clink against the glass as he tilted his tumbler, slowly melting in the amber liquid.
"Then why did he never go back for Ellone?" The question was softly spoken and he wasn't entirely sure who it was directed at — himself, Irvine or maybe Laguna.
"Mmm?" Irvine looked across at him.
"Laguna travels all over the world to rescue Elle, and when he loses her again, he does nothing."
"I don't think he did nothing, I'm sure he did everthin' he could. I have no idea why he didn't find Ellone, but it's gotta be a damn good reason."
The SeeD commander acknowledged his point with silence. He knew Irvine was right; it was one of those very annoying things that he'd always known deep down inside. It was just another thing to add to the list of reasons why his mind refused to truly be angry at Laguna. The man couldn't have left to escort Elle back to Winhill because that would have doomed Esthar to collapse in on itself and then, after becoming president, he was no longer free to go gallivanting around the world. It would have been selfish and irresponsible to do so. Laguna was many things, but he had to admit that selfish was not one of them.
"I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you," Squall offered.
"It s'okay," he said, though the words were clearly a lie, "My ol' man was a million times better anyway." The cowboy leaned back into the sofa. "I fucking miss him at times."
A bit of envy swept though Squall. Irvine had at least had that father figure in his life that he clearly loved. He didn't blame his friend for rejecting his biological father, especially after his surrogate father had grown to love him after having little interest in raising a son. However, it was easier to reject than accept. Rinoa had had her father in her life since she was born and had only recently welcomed him back.
If Squall made a mistake, went missing on a mission or absent for extended periods of time, how could he expect forgiveness and civility if he didn't give it to Laguna, who did not deserve the scorn that Squall could easily give him? Why reject him full-out when he felt no real malice towards him? Because there was no place for him in Squall's life and he had no desire to create one? However, the situation could have been a hell of a lot worse. Like Irvine, he could have been rejected out-right, not that Laguna would ever actually do that. Laguna's greatest sin in regards to Squall had been ignorance.
He knew that he should talk to Laguna, having kept the other man in the dark for long enough. He deserved an answer and Squall felt like he was ready to give him one. He accepted the situation, but not the need for a father.
However, he wasn't sure if he would have been so 'eager' if he'd known that Irvine's situation was one of the key factors in pushing Squall to accept Laguna's proposal…
"…I guess I should be thanking Irvine then."
"I don't think he'll be happy with you knowing," Squall warned, "and you said you'd keep it between us."
"I know, don't worry. I'll take it to my grave. I won't even tell Elle." Now that would be tricky, he admitted to himself. "It doesn't matter though. In the end, it was your decision. It's always been your decision, no matter what influenced you to make the choice. You could have easily gone the other way so, thank you."
Squall glanced at him. "You're…welcome. I suppose you showed me that there is a place that you can make with us."
Laguna turned his gaze back to his grandson, unable to stop himself from smiling. He could not wait to get started and hold that baby.
"What now?" he asked.
"We go home and I'll start a life with my new family. We'll remember Ami and help Gale grow strong, let him choose his own path in life."
"That's another good choice."
"I think I understand now," Squall spoke slowly, as if he was unsure of the words he was saying," why you didn't regret me."
This time, Laguna really did grin. "I know."
Squall had lost a lot, but he'd gained so much more. He'd lost his first-born daughter, but he'd gained a son, a father and the knowledge that some things are worth the heartache they come with.
End of Truth
There you go. Man, I've been wanting to post this up for AGES. I've had this planned for so long.
It was actually very tricky; trying to figure out how to do this. I knew that Rinoa was going to have complications, but I didn't know how to conclude it. To lose (what was then) one, seemed anti-climatic, so did everything turning out fine. To make them have twins and keep one and lose one seemed…like cheating. Having my cake and eating it. Then the epilogue planted itself in my head and the idea of Gale being blind took root and grew until I couldn't do without it. It's actually part of Gale's character that I'm very keen on.
