Jane again! I re-wrote this because, now, at this age, I kind of understand better how Jane might act while intoxicated. It's not as funny as the original, because I think at this point, Jane is kind of having a bit of a breakdown, which leads to her suicidal thoughts. Upon reflection, I wish I could have explored that more.
l.l.l
"I want to tell you something that I never have been able to before." Jane said, slurring her words a little. She pointed at Aragorn with an unsteady finger and squinted at him. "You have the most amazing body I have ever seen. And you are so... gorgeous." She laughed humourlessly to herself, taking a swig of ale. "You have the bone structure of a fucking Greek god."
Aragorn was speechless, with a slightly incredulous smile spreading over his lips. "Jane, I think you've had enough to drink." He tried to take the mug from her, but she pulled it away.
"And another thing.", she continued, still pointing at him with her wavering finger. Aragorn put head in his hands in embarrassment. "I love you. And I would honestly marry you right this fucking minute. But no. You have to love Arwen and marry her." Tears suddenly pooled in her eyes, and Aragorn got a sick feeling in his stomach. "I would marry you right this minute. I would. Is there something wrong with me?" She suddenly asked desperately. "I know I'm not as pretty as Arwen, but she's the most beautiful creature in Middle Earth, I'm pretty sure it's a fact. I mean, I'm not too bad, right?" Jane paused to take a drink. "I never had any boyfriends in my own world. I mean, I went on dates, but nothing ever really got serious. Being friends with Niori came with a price. Who would look at Jane when she's standing next to Niori? It's no wonder I'm a virgin." Her unfocused eyes looked deadened, as she took another drink of liquor. A deep pity for her welled in the pit of his stomach.
But she went back to her original subject. "Why do you have to marry Arwen? You are the only man I have ever loved! Couldn't you just ditch her? Please? ... I love you."
Throughout this exchange, Jane had ventured closer and closer to Aragorn, and suddenly she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Shocked, it took him a moment to acquire the presence of mind to push her off of him.
"Jane." He held her at arms length, completely embarrassed and sad for her. "Get a hold of yourself." He said quietly.
It looked like she was going to cry. Instead she pulled out of his grip and threw up in a trash bin.
l.l.l.l
Jane awoke suddenly, wondering why she was awake, what time it was and why the sun was especially bright that day.
"Ow." She spoke, her dry voice cracking. She put her head under the covers and scrunched up in the fetal position, wondering how she embarrassed herself last night. When she thought about it, she could only get brief flashes of memory, like film clips. In fact, she could remember so little, it was unnerving.
"Nice of you to join us." A voice said loudly.
Jane winced. "Please be quiet." she whispered, since her voice was pretty much shot to hell. Her mouth also felt like something had recently expired in it. She had never experienced a hangover before in her life, and it really sucked. Her stomach was churning, and she felt like she'd throw up if she moved an inch.
Niori walked over to Jane somewhat nastily holding her breakfast sausage. Jane gagged and buried herself deeper into her blankets.
"I don't know what you said to Aragorn, but man, last night was awkward." Niori said mildly. Jane's eyes flew open, and despite her headache, she frantically wrenched the bedclothes off of her and looked at Niori with bloodshot eyes. "WHAT?"
Niori gave her a sympathetic wince. "Yeah... exactly how much do you remember?"
Jane looked down. She was wearing a nightgown, not the clothes she was wearing last night. "Whoa -what happened to –?"
"That was me. I stripped you, I hope you don't mind. I didn't really think I'd be much of a friend if I let you get into bed covered in your own puke." She gestured to a pile of dirty clothes on the floor, emanating a terrible smell.
Jane blanched. "Did I... puke on Aragorn?" She asked with difficulty, putting her palms over her eyes.
"No", Niori said, "but you said something he wouldn't talk about. From what I've gathered, though, you threw yourself at him."
Jane closed her eyes painfully. "fuck." She whispered.
"I saw you kiss him, Jane." Niori said quietly, as if saying it quietly would lessen the sting. It didn't. Jane yelled a profanity.
"Yeah. He carried you to bed, though, so he isn't terribly upset." Jane looked at her questioningly. "You passed out soon after you threw up." She said in response. Jane nodded grimly. "Of course I did. Fantastic."
There was a pause. "It sucks doesn't it?" Niori said, some cheerfulness in her voice. "Having a hangover? Remember when you mocked my own hangover way back when, when the Fellowship all got loaded?"
With difficulty, Jane got out of bed and looked at her coldly. "Yes, but remember – 'way back when', you woke up in Legolas' arms. You didn't say something to Legolas that you can't remember, and force
yourself on him when he didn't love you. So yeah, thanks, it does suck." Jane grabbed a dress out of closet and walked out of the room in her nightgown.
Once she'd cleaned herself up, and gotten her gown on with the help of a handmaiden, Jane set out to make things right with Aragorn. She didn't know exactly what happened, and her cheeks burned with the fear of what might happen when she saw him, but she had to make sure they were okay. She couldn't live with herself if things were bad between them.
With these thoughts running through her mind, she turned a corner and almost ran into Aragorn.
She gasped. "Hi" She said automatically.
"Hello Jane." He answered in his quiet voice, his lovely gray eyes betraying nothing. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm alright." She lied, making small talk and feigning ignorance about what might have transpired the night before, "I wanted to thank you for carrying me to my bed last night." Her insides churned anxiously.
He waved it off, "Think nothing of it." Was all he said. Jane was waiting for the explosion of anger, or ... something... for whatever it is she did (or said) last night. But he merely half-smiled at her. "If you need a good pick-me-up, I would suggest speaking to Gimli. He knows all about the after-effects of too much ale." Aragorn patted her on the shoulder, and with a smile, walked away. Jane was left relieved, but a little stunned.
A.N. So that's a little insight into Jane's drunk, sad, psyche. A bit of a downer, but I hope you enjoyed it!
