"Gran Mag…"
Summary: Utterly for fun…Sheldon is in deep, deep trouble…From certain povs…When Amy's older sister blows…Into town…For Halloween and their engagement party…
Helps if you look up the wondrous Charlotte Gainsbourg…And one of the better pics of the equally wondrous Maggie Hamilton…
Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck's…
Part XXVIII…
Even as I neared my rendezvous with destiny in the form of Charlotte Magdalena Fowler, suitably attired to meet my supervillianess nemesis in Bondian tux…Howard Wolowitz was pursuing his own dark destiny in the form of his (former) close friend and rival, Raj Koothrappal. With sword, no less…
Bernadette in fearful tow, trying to get Howard to desist and Raj to realize that the swordplay was anything but "play". Though, after Howard's harshly whispered reference to his and Bernadette's recent near- or full-coital mingling, he was fast losing his illusions in that regard…
Slash…Clang…Whoa…Raj, thrown back by the force of the blow, barely defending himself… "Howard, nice one…But watch…Whoa!" he fell back…Howard's swordpoint ramming into the wall where he'd been…
"Howard! Stop it!" Bernadette cried. "You're gonna run up a huge bill in repairs."
"I'll pay it, gladly! Koothrappali, stand and fight like whatever you are!"
"Hey!" Raj, pausing to turn round. "That could be construed as racist, you know…"
"If it'll make you fight, you're welcome to do so!"
"Fellas! Come on!" Bernadette howled. "Howard? Think of Halley!"
"I am thinking of Halley! I've been thinking of her since! Bernie!...Go…OH…" Howard stared as a rushing Bernadette went down. After meeting with his waving sword…
"Bernadette…" he gasped. She on floor…He eyeing a few drops of blood on his sword…
"Hello! What the devil is going on down there?" faint call from Dr. Koothrappali, still on screen back at the laptop near Howard and Raj's room door…
"How do we call the police in California?!" Mrs. Koothrappali cried.
"911, everyone in India with access to TV knows that…" Dr. Koothrappali noted.
"Well…Call 911! Help, police!" she cried.
"All right, all right, I'll try the satellite phone. Calm down…I'm sure they're just playing."
"Howard! Don't hurt my baby!"
"A little blood spilt would probably do the boy wonders…"
"What!" Sobs…
"Oh, now woman…"
…
"Would either of you like to tell me what's up?" Leonard eyed Penny, then the nervously pacing, pausing to eye dresser clock, pacing, Amy…
"Amy's worried about my drinking…" Penny, cleverly.
"Really…That's nice…Since when?"
"Well, this is my engagement party evening. A drunken Penny falling down stairs and into a punch bowl or party platters on table as if in some Three Stooges short or low-brow modern comedy film would be a fairly embarrassing social occurrence." Amy noted. Rising to the occasion to support Penny's clever cover story…
She is good at this undercover work, my Amy Farrah Fowler. Should Physics and neurology ever fail us, we ought to open a detective or spy agency. I, the wise-cracking, man-of-the-world Bruce Willis, to her Madeline Hayes as in that show my mom loved to watch before the devil caused the two to fornicate like rabbits as she says…
"You seem a bit 'pacy' for someone tending a friend with a drinking problem…" Leonard, calmly.
Penny, now a bit concerned… Don't wanna push the drinking thing too far…Could screw things with my lil' Hobbit.
Though on the other hand…No need to let an opportunity pass me by…
"I was just telling her I'd give it up right away for you. She's worried cause my recovery hinges on you taking me back…"
"Oh?" frown…
Amy eyeing Penny…Penny, Amy…
Now a bit of genuine concern here on Amy's part…
"You will take her back, Leonard? If only to save her from a life as a hopeless alcoholic…?"
"Uh-huh…Well, my mother would certainly love that. How's about I just find her a good clinic…"
"Leonard?!" Penny, both anxious and annoyed.
"Leonard, cruelty doesn't suit you…" Amy frowned. "Enough of this…You love Penny and you belong with her and you've been pushing this nonsense with Charlotte to make her jealous. Now I'm sorry if we haven't confided in you. But you apologize to Penny first and then I'll fill you in…"
"Yeah…" the Blue Fairy, frowning, folded arms…
This Hobbity puppet sure ain't looking likely to get his wish to be a real boy…
Though I suppose a real boy would try to make his girl jealous…Inward beam.
And goddamn why not…? Ya bet ya booties I'm jealous of my lil' Hobbit.
"Me apologize?" Leonard, glaring. "You two have left me running around trying to figure out what's up since this all started…And all pertaining to your sister, I assume…?"
"Who you couldn't wait to sleep with!" Penny, bursting into tears…
"Oh, Lord…" Leonard, rolling eyes…
"Don't you even think about leaving, Hofstadter…" Amy, grimly in witch's robes, blocking exit.
My God, there is a lot of her sister in her…Penny thought, rather contentedly, watching through tears…
"What? Who said I was leaving?" Leonard glared. "But you are…" he eyed Amy. "Sorry but we need a few moments. I get your and Sheldon's thing with Charlotte is a big deal but our thing matters too. We'll get back to dealing with Charlotte in a minute. And then you idiots'll fill me in on the whole thing. But first, a few minutes…" stern look.
"Yeah…I mean, please…Bestie. Jus'a mo?" Penny nodded.
…
Stuart, stalwartly by my side as I stood by Charlotte's room's door…Gathering my courage, focusing my intellect…
"I'll be just round the corner here, Sheldon…Just call out if things get…Dangerous…" he notes.
"Things have been 'dangerous' since the first night my future sister-in-law showed…" I reply.
But…Time to be a Dr. Sheldon Cooper once again. I pat my suit to test the wire…
Bit too loud, turning down…From the control in my trouser side pocket…
Stuart, in his Harry Lime suit… The one I'd worn, altered slightly to fit…Gives me his best enigmatic smile and a hearty thumbs-up. I nod…
And knock…
"Charlotte?...Charlotte?...Charlotte?...Char…"
"Entrez, Sheldon…" cooing call of the vixen…
I open with cautious dread. The vortex of Evil yawns before me…
Music plays…
"I'll sing myself to sleep
A song from the darkest hour
Secrets I can't keep
Inside of the day
Swing from high to deep
Extremes of sweet and sour
Hope that God exists
I hope I pray
Drawn by the undertow
My life is out of control
I believe this grief will bear my weight
So let it flow
Oh sit down Oh sit down
Sit down next to me
Sit down, down, down, down, down
In sympathy…"
I have heard this one before…Where?
"I love this old James song. Come, sit down next to me…Mr. Bond…" Charlotte's whispering, ethereal voice. Slight teasing tone…
…..
"Bernie…Bernie…" Howard, aghast…Kneeling by Bernadette as Raj came up and knelt as well…
"Dude, what have you done?" Raj, gasping at the blood on Howard's sword…
"Get a doctor!" Howard told him… "Go!"
Bernadette, popping one eye…
Ok…
"Bernie…I'm so sorry…" Howard, looking for the wound…
No doubt a gaping, mortal hole…
"Howard…"she whispered. "Don't leave me…"
"No, sweetie…Hang on…" he continued searching. Finding some blood on his probing fingers…Oh…
"Oh…" Bernadette moaned. Anxious to prevent his probing further to find it only a minor cut…
I mean still, a sword wound. And it could potentially get infected… As a microbiologist, I know the possibilities…Even if it's not a gaping hole…
"Don't…Move me…" she gasped.
"Sorry…I need to find the wound, Bernie…"
"Just hold me, Howard…Before it's too late…Oh…" she groaned again as he continued to try and search…
"Ok…I'll stop. Oh, Bernie…"
Hmmn…Not exactly a pool of blood welling…
Still, could be mostly internal…
"Oh, Howard…I'm so ashamed. But you have to know…"
"It's all right, Bernie…I understand…I'm not angry."
"What?" she opened her eyes. "Why the hell not? Aren't you jealous of Raj? I know we backed off when you came in but for a mo…Uh…Oh!"
"Bernie, I love you. As I just told Charlotte during a little impromptu torture session in her room…It doesn't matter if you don't love me…"
"What? she sat up…
"No, Bernie…Don't try to sit up…"
Hmmn…Right, near fatal wound…
"Oh…" she moaned again, falling back as delicately as a wounded Glinda should…
"Now as to this crap about it not being important if I don't love you…" she whispered.
…..
[ Lyrics from: j/james/sit+down_ ]
"Now I'm relieved to hear
That you've been to some far out places
It's hard to carry on
When you feel all alone…"
"I recognize that piece…" I note…Cautiously taking seat by Charlotte…She beaming at me rather warmly…Even innocently…
"Train…New York to Maine segment…The two girls who were eyeing you and your grandmother Meemaw all the way…One looking rather hideous. Like this…" Charlotte pulled out a copy of the photo Amy had shown Penny and Bernadette. "We loved that song…They intended it as a tribute to great women, you know. And we played it all the way…" she eyed me… I backed away, just a bit at the intensity of her stare…
Sheldon…
"You came up to the girls when we pulled into Boston and asked me if I was an angel. Because your Meemaw said I must be. And you told me you knew there were no such things accounted for in physical science but you wanted to know just in case. Because your Meemaw never lies…"
"You…And that was Amy…" I stare.
"Oh, Sheldon…" she reaches for my hand…Kissing it… "Sheldon, I'm not an angel. But I've loved you all my life…I survived…I got better…For you, darling. Only for you."
"Now I've swung back down again
It's worse than it was before
If I hadn't seen such riches
I could live with being poor
Oh sit down Oh sit down
Sit down next to me
Sit down, down, down, down, down
In sympathy…"
She held my hand, weeping…
Dear God…Now she is dangerous…
