The Paris Opera was buzzing with activity. Fictional characters moved up and down the main staircase, speaking in hushed voices. There was a certain excitement in their tone, for they had been told that things were going to change for the better. It was most likely true, for their brave leader was demonstrating rather unusual behavior. There was no doubt that he was happy, though, for an abnormally large smile was plastered across his face. He grinned at everyone as they passed, searching the crowd for a very specific face. When he saw Elizabeth walk by, he looped his arm through hers and pulled her out of the fray.
"Elizabeth, darling, let's go for a walk."
She frowned in confusion.
"Why are you being so-"
"You like walks, Elizabeth. They're good for talking," he stated pointedly.
She nodded slowly and followed him outside. When they were far away from the crowd, Phantom ducked into a rosebush, pulling Elizabeth down with him.
"Ouch! There are thorns in here," she whined.
"Listen, Elizabeth: something's up. This new dragon, Neithhotep, is crazy."
"Crazier than Elkay?"
"She's crazy because she isn't crazy. This morning, she yelled at me for saying a curse word."
"Which one?"
"I can't repeat it. She put a shock collar on my leg."
Phantom pulled up his pants to reveal a metal band around his ankle. Elizabeth gasped.
"Oh my god. That seems illegal."
Phantom shook his head.
"Nothing she does is illegal. She's our boss now."
Elizabeth's eyes went wide.
"Is Elkay not coming back?"
Phantom winced.
"I don't know. It doesn't bear thinking about."
There was a merry chiming sound. Phantom pulled back his sleeve to reveal a small machine. It gave a gentle whirr, and a chocolate chip cookie popped out of a thin slot.
"What the hell?" Elizabeth muttered.
"Whenever I use language appropriate for my source material, I get a cookie," Phantom explained.
Elizabeth raised her eyebrow as she examined the cookie.
"Well, that doesn't seem so bad . . ."
"Yeah, but her other policies are shit-"
Phantom jolted as his leg-band shocked him. Blue cords of electricity snaked around his body. He yowled in pain. Elizabeth's eyes went wide as he fell to the ground, shuddering like a naked penguin.
"Oh my god! Are you okay?"
He squeaked.
"More or less . . ."
Elizabeth rolled up her sleeves and put her hands on her hips.
"She must be stopped. Nobody hurts my friends, especially stupid, smelly dragons."
Phantom sat up.
"Elizabeth, I can't ask you to put yourself in danger."
"You don't have to ask," she declared bravely, "I'm doing this of my own volition."
Phantom shook his head.
"It's too dangerous. If Neithhotep-"
They both shrieked as the rosebush was uprooted by a yellow paw. Neithhotep smiled down at them with venom.
"Oh, hello. Am I interrupting something?"
Phantom stood up and brushed himself off.
"No, not really. I was just telling Elizabeth that Raoul and I were having an argument. You know: the kind of argument that moves the plot forward in a literary way . . ."
Neithhotep cocked her head.
"Oh? What were you fighting about?"
Phantom gulped.
"Um . . . makeup. We were fighting about makeup. Raoul said that, in our show, the actors who portray me have to wear more makeup than his actors."
Neithhotep smiled.
"He's right. The most important characters often wear more makeup."
Phantom gave a forced laugh.
"Oh, Neithhotep. You and your resolutions. You make everyone feel like they've won the argument."
The dragon leaned forward. Phantom felt a bead of sweat roll down his forehead. Neithhotep narrowed her eyes.
"You know, I have ways of checking the text. If it turns out you're lying . . ."
Phantom gulped.
"Look, I may have been fibbing a teensy bit, but it was all my fault. Elizabeth had nothing to do with it. There's no need to punish her."
Neithhotep gave a cruel smile.
"I'm glad you decided to tell the truth. Unfortunately, defending Elizabeth is a lost cause. In the new story, you're not allowed to love anyone outside of your franchise."
Phantom's jaw dropped.
"No . . . No, you can't do that!"
Neithhotep laughed.
"My dear Phantom, I can do whatever I want. I'm the most sensible person here. From now on, there will be no paintball or space-pirates or giant wooden statues of Victor Hugo. We're going to be normal for a change, and there's nothing you can do about it."
***TSPOTOFEW***
Phantom sat miserably in the cafeteria with his head on the table. Of all the bad things that could have happened, losing Elizabeth was the worst possible occurrence, and fact that it had happened twice in his lifetime was upsetting. What rotten luck.
Phantom was so wrapped up in his melancholy that he didn't notice Raoul when he sat down beside him. He only became aware of his presence when he gave him a light nudge. Phantom turned his head over and glared at him.
"I know this is going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you, but go fuck yourself."
Phantom jerked in pain as he was shocked.
"Ow . . ."
Raoul sighed.
"I think we got off on the wrong foot . . . again. This is a real nice place you've got here, and I can tell that you're proud of your story. I don't want it to fall into ruin by being too . . . normal."
Phantom gave a bitter laugh.
"Are you offering to help me? It's too late for that. Neithhotep has taken over everything."
Raoul punched his palm with determination.
"Then we'll just have to take over everything back!"
Phantom blinked.
"I don't understand that sentence."
Raoul rolled his eyes.
"We're not going down without a fight."
Phantom nodded slowly, standing up.
"Yeah . . . Yeah, I think we can fight this. Get my strangling-rope!"
Raoul cocked his head.
"You mean Punjab Lasso?"
A cookie popped out of Raoul's wrist. He picked it up and flung it across the room.
"Yeah, she got me too."
Phantom stood on the table and shook his fist.
"Then you will be her last victim. Onward, polite soldier. Today, we fight for our silliness!"
