SPENCER'S P.O.V

I'm at dinner and Ashley's no where to be seen.

It's still early but I don't think she's going to show.

"Hey Ky"

"What's up dad..."

"Have you seen your sister?"

"Yer I saw her about and hour ago, why?"

"Do you know if she's coming or should we just order without her?"

"I think she said she was coming, just wait a couple of minutes and if she doesn't show we'll order..."

I'm kind of hoping she doesn't come, there's only one seat free and it's opposite me.

For some reason everyone's paired up today, Glen's sitting opposite Madison, Kyla opposite Aiden, Mum's sitting opposite Dad and Christine's opposite Raife.

Me I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, by myself.

"Ashley hi..."

I can't see her but I'm guessing she's behind me.

"Hey honey we thought you weren't going to show..."

"Why wouldn't I show mum?"

I can tell she's been drinking.

"It's a quarter past six Ashley and dinner starts at six..."

"Yer i'm sorry about that mum..."

She walks around the table, taking the seat opposite me.

I'm not surprised when she doesn't acknowledge me, she hates me and I don't blame her.

The minute Ashley sat down, mum called the waiter over and we all ordered.

"Spencer why are you being so quiet?"

"I'm not being quiet mum..."

"I thought you were fine after we spoke this afternoon?"

"I am..."

"Did something else happen?"

She's speaking quietly so only I can hear.

"Mum nothing else happened I promise..."

"Does everyone on the table already know?"

"Yer they all know..."

Why did I have to sit next to her?

"When did you tell them all?"

"Mum does that even matter?"

"Yer it does I want to know who's more important to you than your own mother..."

"It wasn't like that..."

"I bet you Ashley didn't tell her parents last..."

What does Ashley have to do with this?

"Ashley?"

What is she doing?

"What's up Paula?"

I didn't tell her about Ashley and I, so she doesn't understand how awkward this is.

"Ashley who did you tell first?"

"What are we talking about Paula?"

"When you started telling everyone you were gay, who did you tell first?"

She's looking at me now.

"Paula where did that question even come from?"

"Spencer told us she was gay today and I just wanted to know who you told first?"

I lean down resting my face in my hands, I can't look at her.

"Ahh I told Kyla first..."

I'm starting to hate this cruise, I'm trapped and there's nowhere for me to run and hide.

"You didn't tell your mother first?"

"No I told mum and dad after I told Kyla"

"I don't get it Ashley why do parents get told last?"

"I guess we just save the best 'til last Paula..."

She's staring at me again.

"So how did you take it?"

Why is she asking her that?

"I took it like a pro didn't I honey?"

"Yer mum you were outstanding..."

Maybe if I don't look at either of them, they'll talk about something else.

"I thought there was something seriously wrong with her..."

I'm glad Ashley's finds this funny.

"Why did you think there was something wrong with her?"

"She's a good looking girl and I just thought something wasn't right... That's the only reason I could come up with to explain why she never had boyfriends?"

I should have told her Ashley didn't know, then none of this would be happening.

"Mum I just want you to know i'm never telling you anything about my life again..."

Harsh but necessary.

"Okay fine Spencer we'll talk about something else..."

I can feel Ashley's eyes on me and when I build up enough courage to look at her, she's watching me.

"I haven't heard much about you lately Ashley. Have you been keeping out of trouble?"

"Of course Paula i'm an angel..."

"How's the love life going?"

"Ummmmm..."

"Oh my god Ashley have you meet a girl you actually like?"

"Paula I like all the girls I meet..."

That's the problem.

"Don't you want to settle down?"

"Well I did and then the other girl didn't feel the same way..."

I can't believes she's doing this.

"I find that hard to believe Ashley..."

"Paula she just wasn't comfortable with some things I did in the past..."

Who in there right mind would be?

"I bet you she's probably not comfortable with some things your doing in the present either"

"Well Spencer i'm done worrying about how she feels all the time... I don't think I'm ever be good enough for her"

I reach forward grabbing my water, we're not going to have this fight here.

"You two should just go out..."

"Paula I don't think we'd work out, Spencer's to good for little old me..."

I can tell she's deliberately trying to bug me.

"I'm going to the restroom..."

"Okay honey you better be quick though, our meals will be ready soon"

I don't even need to go.

When I get to the restrooms, I lean over the sink splashing water over my face.

"Well that was fun wasn't it..."

"Ashley you've been drinking i'm not going to fight with you..."

I grab some paper towel wiping the water off my face.

"Why not that's what we do isn't it?"

"I know you're mad Ashley but i'm not going to speak to you when you're like this"

I try to walk past her but when I pull the door open, she reaches around pushing it closed.

"What happened to you not being around Ash?"

I shouldn't have said that but she's trying to get a reaction out of me and it's working.

"So you don't want me around?"

"I didn't fucking say that Ashley..."

"You're not saying anything Spencer that's the problem..."

"Last night you walked away from me Ashley, not the other way around..."

"Do you know how frustrating you are?"

This time she walks out the door and when I make it back to the table, she's nowhere to be seen.

"Spencer I was about to call the dive squad, I thought you might have fallen in..."

I'm just going to ignore that comment and hope she talks to dad or something.

I've managed to mess everything up pretty well lately, I just wish I could go back two days and start over.

Ashley's right I should have been honest from the start. I don't know why I said I wanted to be friends, because I don't.

Everything that's been happening these last few days has been so intense and I was just worried she'd lose interest.

I need to stop over thinking everything and just let whatever happens, happen and if it doesn't work out at least we tried.

"Mum I can't stay for dinner, there's something I really have to do..."

I hop up out of my seat.

"Is everything alright honey?"

"I don't know mum that's what i'm going to go find out..."

I don't bother waiting for her to answer, I push my chair back in and race out of the restaurant.

This is a really big ship and I have no idea where she went.

I start with the pool deck and after ten minutes of checking every door, she's nowhere to be seen.

I spent the next ten minutes checking all the other entertainment decks, before giving up and heading back to the room.

Maybe she doesn't want to be found.

The minute I open the door to the room, I notice the shower's running.

I can't believe I didn't check the room first.

I have two options, I can walk into the shower and throw myself at her or I can wait out here and talk to her when she's done.

As much as I want to take option one, I don't think I can handle her rejecting me.

I just take a seat at the end of the bed and wait for her to finish.

When I hear the shower turn off, my heart starts racing.

I hope I haven't blown it.

"Why aren't you at the dinner?"

"Ashley I just wanted to apologise..."

"You want to apologise?"

I'm just glad she's not yelling at me anymore.

"I've been looking for you everywhere..."

"Well you found me"

She's wearing sweatpants, a baggy t-shirt and her hairs not done, but I still think she looks amazing.

"I love you Ashley and i'm so sorry I wasn't honest with you"

"Spencer I would have understood..."

"Can we just try again? I promise I'll be honest with you and if something's bothering me I'll let you know..."

"Only on one condition..."

"Anything"

"We don't talk about the other girls anymore, they're in my past and you're the only one I want in my future..."

"That was so cheesy it was like a triple cheese pizza..."

I have the biggest smile on my face.

"That was a horrible joke Spencer but I still think you're cute..."

She moves forwards placing her lips over mine.

I've missed this so much.

"...sorry I just have one condition of my own before we get carried away"

"Okay make it quick I want another kiss..."

I want another kiss as well.

"We're keeping this a secret from mum for a while..."

"Why?"

"Because she's annoying..."

She's laughing.

"Spencer your mum's not annoying..."

I give her my best agree with me or die look.

"Spencer whatever you want, can we just make out now?"

I push her against the cabin wall resting my hands either side of her head.

I really have missed this.