Rating: PG
Notes: Spoilers for episode 5 and 10. Future fic (i.e: King Arthur).
Disclaimer: I own nothing in connection with BBC's Merlin, nor do I make any money writing this fanfiction.
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Dusting Off Skeletons
If they end up sharing the same bed, (always Arthur's; it's the only one just about big enough), Merlin notices that Lancelot always sleeps on the edge, with his arm draped over one of them and his hand resting on the other. After watching him for a while, Merlin thinks Lancelot doesn't even realise he's doing so. If Arthur notices anything, Merlin suspects he just likes the attention considering he often ends up in the middle.
When he can't sleep, Merlin watches Lancelot, on his stomach and as close to Arthur as he can get without being on top of him. His arm is always over them. It's that action which causes Merlin to think back to what Lancelot told him about why he wanted so much to be a knight. He gave minimal detail and Merlin hadn't pushed it because he had caught that flash of pain in Lancelot's eyes which was old but still raw. Merlin knew Lancelot didn't ever want to be weak and being a knight meant protecting the kingdom. Protecting Arthur.
Merlin had given a lot to keep Arthur safe since coming to Camelot. He had thought he knew something of how Lancelot felt. Then he found himself in front of Will's burning body, thinking about all the things he should have done to save him, and realised he knew nothing.
He wonders if Lancelot ever allowed himself to care for anybody. After losing everything like that, Merlin wouldn't blame him if he didn't.
Than Lancelot came of Camelot.
Sometimes he sees Lancelot's eyebrows dip down and the corners of his mouth move in his sleep. Merlin doesn't know what he's dreaming about, but takes his hand and holds it to his lips.
"It's okay," he says, feeling his lips move against Lancelot's fingers. "We're still here."
Merlin never knows if Lancelot ever hears him somehow. Often his face keeps moving in reaction to something only he can see and small noises slip out between his lips. Sometimes Arthur moves closer to him in his sleep.
Things always go on as normal the next morning. Sometimes, if there are plans for battle or whisperings of a plot, Merlin sees the way Lancelot watches Arthur carefully and stays closer beside him than usual. Merlin does the same thing. He doesn't know how Lancelot feels, but thinks he somewhat understands. The pain of loss never really goes.
END
