Author's Note: Listen to Apocalyptica's "Farewell" while reading the praxeum scenes. All music can be found by searching Youtube.
It was several minutes before the three ships landed on the Karrde's landing pad. Steffan was waiting for Marin at the bottom of the Tracinya's boarding ramp. Whatever feelings he had about what had happened within the last while, he kept hidden to himself as they came together. "Dilan," he started to say softly. "Once we're clear, lower the pad into the hangar. Ethan, Marin, lets take this into my study."
Marin swallowed and nodded silently, slowly reaching up to unseal her helmet. She followed behind Master Karrde feeling Ethan close behind her as they entered the house, holding the helmet in her arms as she did so.
They walked around the living room from the front door of the house and went through the opened doorway that led to Steffan's study. Three chairs were already arranged in a triangle with one's back to the door of the study. Steffan motioned Marin to sit down in that chair as Jade walked in with three cups of caf and a serving pot in case more was wanted or needed. When she left the room, Steffan made a motion of his hand and closed the two sliding doors into the study before he sat down.
Wordlessly, Marin nodded her thanks to Lady Karrde, cradling the warm mug in her fingers after she'd set her buy'ce on the table by the door. Nervously, she took the seat he'd indicated. She heard the doors to the study close softly as she stared down into her mug for a long moment.
Master Karrde took his cup and walked to the window, quietly sipping the caf and gathering his thoughts for what was to be said here. He waited for a few moments before he looked over to Ethan and took another sip of his caf. "Marin," he started to ask quietly. "Do you realize what you've done in the last few hours?"
"I..." Marin started, and then fell silent, nervously licking her lower lip. The blood from earlier had crusted slightly. She did know... but she also knew she hadn't killed anyone. She gripped the mug firmly, taking a slow sip, followed by a slow breath. There was a knot of dread in her stomach. She was silent a moment longer before she nodded, finally lifting her gaze to meet his.
"Attacked three of your fellow students... one of whom you have a close relationship with," Steffan began to say. "Heading off on a wild chase which, if you hadn't noticed, started getting the attention of our military. A flight was preparing to go up until I contacted the battlegroup commander and told him the situation. But what I find more troubling is this..." He set his cup on his desk and looked at her. "You heard and felt a 'pull' inside, didn't you? Wanting to go after these people... feeling the anger inside."
Marin nodded wordlessly, her lip trembling. She took a shuddery breath and wiped the heel of her hand across her cheeks. "I did..." she admitted after a moment, her gaze dropping to the floor. She was silent for a moment before she spoke again. "You'd probably be mad too if the person who first gave you a chance was suddenly taken from you... wouldn't you?" she said quietly, still looking at the floor.
Steffan sat down in his chair and looked at her. "You're speaking to someone who lost his own parents when he was training to become a Jedi."
That got her attention, and she stared at him in open-mouthed shock for a long moment.
Steffan nodded. "But I had a different kind of training than you did then," he told her. "With the support of Jade and my master, I was able to cope with it. Wasn't easy, though... especially when I discovered that a person I had to duel years ago was the one responsible. I felt that same emotion too. But," he added, "That doesn't mean I can just let what's happened tonight go unchecked."
"What he means is that you came real close to crossing a line that he and the other Jedi take very seriously," Ethan told her. "It just happens to be one I take seriously too, considering I saw some of your dad's handiwork when he was on the warpath you were considering."
Marin looked up at Master Karrde's last sentence, but then her gaze slid to Ethan before it dropped to the floor again. There was a long few moments of silence in the room before she finally asked, "So... what happens now...?" She was realizing now how close she really had come to walking that path, and that fact scared her, but it didn't sway her from wanting justice brought to her father's murderers.
"I told you vengeance will come," Ethan told her. "But when you're ready for it...and we'll say when you are and I'm not just talking about in a mental sense."
"Brushing up against the darkness within takes something from each of us," Steffan told her. "It takes time to think about your actions. That time will be spent here. Ethan, if he wishes, can continue your training in the Mandalorian way here and take you out on any missions he sees fit to, but you will remain here. You are a student and resident of this praxeum. As the Master of it and your teacher, you are now my responsibility."
Steffan got up again and took up his cup of caf and went back to looking out the window. "You're going to be given time alone with your thoughts on tonight for a while. At some point, I believe an apology is owed to Bran and Koya. As for Jarod..." He paused on that for a moment. "...you owe him more than an apology."
Marin gasped, her eyes wide as she realized what she had put Jarod through. Her eyes filled with tears as that sank in, and she turned her face away from them, staring at the wall as she felt the cold lump in her stomach sink a little lower. She knew there wasn't much of anything she could really say at the moment that would make it any better.
One of the sliding doors opened quietly behind her and Steffan turned to see Dilan standing there now. "The Tracinya has been secured and is stored next to Blue Talon," he said in a quiet tone.
Steffan nodded. "We'll do routine checks on the systems. I want you and Ryneas to ride with Marin back to the praxeum. No student is to confront her about what has happened. For now, we'll forego with training today."
"Yes sir," Dilan said as he bowed and backed away from the door.
"I want your weapon belt," Ethan told Marin as he stood there. "Right now."
"M...me'ven...?" Marin turned to look at him in shock. She stared at him for a couple heartbeats, knowing it was best not to argue. Not with the look in his eyes. Without another word, she stood, somewhat stiffly from wearing full armor and having sat for a while. She reached around behind her back and loosened the buckle, pulling the belt off carefully before she held it out to him without a word.
Ethan took it and made note of the weapons that were attached, including the training saber. He took it off the belt and tossed it to Steffan, who caught it offhanded and looked over it with a sigh before he tossed it back to Marin. "That... you will still need," Steffan told her.
"You'll get this when I get back and see if you've cooled off any more," Ethan added.
She looked at Steffan in confusion for a moment, fumbling the catch slightly. She looked to Ethan and nodded also. "Understood..." was her quiet reply as she gripped the training saber in her left hand. She still didn't full understand why he's given it back. She'd expected him to keep it for a while after what she'd done. She turned to Ethan again, gesturing to her beskar'gam. "And the beskar'gam...?"
Ethan looked to Steffan, who nodded and told her, "It can be stored in your room and used when training requires it."
Marin nodded, placing her caf mug back on the tray as she gathered her buy'ce. "Anything else...?" she asked softly, her voice sounding a bit dull, although she was trying to remember her manners.
"That is all," Steffan said quietly. Ryneas and Dilan were waiting in the living room politely and Steffan nodded to them. Ryneas moved at the nod, heading outside to prep their horses.
Marin bowed politely without another word, and followed Dilan outside with a sigh. She had a feeling Ethan might have ...words with her later perhaps.
Ethan looked back at Steffan after she left the study and Steffan could tell the look in his eyes.
"If your going to give her a more ...Mandalorian... talking to later on, give her time to think on this," Steffan told him. "She going through enough turmoil as it is."
"Agreed," Ethan told him. "Now what?"
"I want you to go through every log in Jarius's ship for the past several months," Steffan said as he emptied his cup. "He's been on Death Watch's trail for a while now. We need to know what he found out. Xan and Callista should be making their way here sometime and I can only hope that they can shed some more light on this."
Ethan nodded and walked out to head to the ship. Steffan poured another cup of caf and took his cup into the living room and sat in his usual chair. He tried to casually sit down and cross his legs as he took a sip...but set his cup down and brought his hand up over his eyes to rub his forehead...and wipe a few tears of his own.
The journey back to the praxeum was mercifully silent. Ryneas had taken the lead, placing Marin's mount behind his, with Dilan bringing up the rear as they moved up the trail single file. The swinging gait of her mount made her sleepy, and she found herself drifting into sleep before she shook herself awake. It wasn't long before they passed through the main gate to the praxeum. The courtyard was empty and still, as it was early yet. The sky to the east was just now beginning to show hints of the sun peeking over the horizon. Without a word, Marin slid down from her saddle, and tossed the reins to Ryneas, turning towards the dormitory.
Ryneas took the reins quietly and started to turn to head back to the house. Dilan tied his mount and walked up to Marin and matched pace with her. They stayed quiet for a few moments till Dilan looked over at her. "Come on, lets have a seat in the amphitheater."
Marin swallowed and nodded without a word, letting her mind lead her to the same place that she'd sat with Jarius all those months ago. Jarius... the thought of him brought fresh tears to her eyes and she felt like she couldn't breathe.
Dilan saw it and helped sit her down. He knew most of her story, but he still asked her, "He was all you had, wasn't he?"
Marin hiccuped and took a gasping breath as she tried to stopped crying. At his question, she nodded silently, staring down at the armored gloves she still wore along with the rest of her armor, save the helmet, which was clipped to her belt.
Dilan nodded softly. "You're not the only one here that's lost," he told her quietly. "There are a few students that have, Master Karrde has... even I have."
Marin looked up at him, her eyes glistening. "He was... everything. He gave me a chance on Corellia, even though he could have turned me in for stealing... or worse..."
"He gave you a new life," Dilan finished for her, nodding softly. "Aye, my new life brought me here. I didn't have the chance that you have to honor and avenge him... I'm sure father told you now isn't the time yet."
Marin nodded and sighed. "I just... I feel so... lost..." She reached up and pulled off the close-fitting hood, twisting it in her fingers as her dark hair fell about her armored shoulders.
"You will for a bit," he told her as he got up and walked towards the center of the theater. "It's going to feel numb... like part of yourself is missing. My questions is... how will you honor him from here on?"
"I ...don't know yet..." Marin admitted with a shrug of her armored shoulders. "I hadn't thought about it yet, really..." She sighed. And Ethan hadn't mentioned anything about it, either. She was silent for a moment, considering the various things she'd read about Mandalorian death rites and such.
"Will you wait till father and Ethan say you are ready or are you going to try to sneak off again?" He asked her. "And when you do go after them, are you going to strike with the anger I felt in you earlier?"
"I..." and then she stopped, and looked away. "I don't know..." It was honest, at least. She really didn't know how she was going to cope with the pain.
"I know you're not going to have an answer to that yet," Dilan said as he walked back up and helped her up. "But it's something I want you to think about along with everything else while you're in meditation or whatever."He helped her up the steps and mentioned in passing. "I'll try to see about setting up some personal time with a few blaster remotes. Just meditating is not going to help you work through how you're feeling."
Marin laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Better the remotes... than something.. or someone else," she said quietly.
He walked with her into the dormitory and down the corridor to her quarters. Opening the door, she noted that Bran and Koya were not in there... nor was Jarod. "You need to rest and lay up here for a time," Dilan said to her. "Bran and Koya are alright, resting in their quarters. I don't know where Jarod is, but father has him occupied I'm sure. I'll be here at the praxeum if you need anything, alright?"
"Vor'e..." she replied, thanking him quietly as she bowed slightly. She was trying to find comfort in what she knew... but it wasn't helping much. She wasn't hiding her presence now, but she'd erected her shields again as she struggled with her grief. With a sigh, she turned to her bed and fell backwards onto it, staring at the ceiling, as if she might find her answers there.
She wasn't sure how long she'd lain there, but after a while, she got up stiffly. She moved across her small room to the heavy trunk that sat against the wall underneath the window. She squatted down, tracing her fingers over the smooth surface of the durasteel lid. The smoothness was broken in one spot by some engraving, both in the angular Mando'a script, and underneath it was a line of flowing Cataani script. Marin Durza....
She traced each letter slowly with her finger, mouthing the words. They brought tears to her eyes, for she knew she'd never see him again. She took a breath, and let it out, but it came out as more of a stifled sob. With shaking fingers, she moved her left hand to the small reader that was part of the locking mechanism. She pressed her thumb to the scanner, and heard the click as the lock disengaged. She reached down and pushed the lid upwards, until it rested against the wall.
Inside, nestled in cushioning foam lay her partial set of beskar'gam. Slowly, she pulled out the stacking trays from the right side of the trunk and set them gently on the floor. There were more underneath and in the middle, but these were empty. She pulled out the empty trays as well, and set them on the floor next to her.
On the left side of the trunk was a single deep tray, with a layer of foam cut to fit the contours of her helmet. She reached to her belt, and fumbled a little as she unclipped it from her belt. With shaking fingers, she set the helmet carefully in it's place, and then started removing her armor from the neck down, carefully placing each plate in it's tray before she placed the tray back into the trunk.
The partial set of plates went in first, to the bottom of the trunk. These were then followed by her chest and back armor, as she placed each tray with the plates into the trunk in the order she had removed them, ending with the boot and shin armor on top. That way, they would be ready when she would need them again.
Then, she took her gloves, placing them in the tray next to her helmet. The vest came next. She undid the clips on the vest, folding it carefully before she placed in the same tray with the gloves. Her boots came next, and her fingers shook slightly as she loosened the laces, pulling them off before she placed them in the trunk as well. Her coverall would need washed. She sighed, and undid the closure at her neck, shrugging out of it before she tossed it into the laundry along with the hood.
For a long moment, she stared down at the contents of the trunk, before she reached up to close the lid. The trays that would have held her weapons lay empty. She shook her head, and turned away, closing the lid as she dug around in the drawers built into her closet for a set of sleep clothes and a towel.
For once, she was glad of the fact that there was a 'fresher in each room. She really didn't want to see anyone else right now. She stripped off her underwear and socks, along with the tank that she'd worn under the coverall, adding them to the laundry as well. With that done, she draped her towel over the hook by the door to the fresher, and stepped inside, turning on the spray.
She hissed a surprised curse as the cold water hit her, but it warmed quickly. Slowly, she began to scrub away the sweat and grime, but she couldn't hold back the tears. She leaned her head against the wall of the 'fresher, the hot water mingling with her tears. Marin remained like that for several minutes, the sound of the water muffling her sobs.
Finally, she turned off the spray and stepped out, wrapping the towel around her middle as she dug around for a clean set of sleep clothes. With them in hand, she sat down on the edge of her bed, staring at her hands before she slowly pulled them on and crawled between the blankets, drawing her knees up as she turned on her side. The tears hadn't stopped when she'd stepped out of the fresher, and now they trailed down her cheeks, soaking the sheets.
After a moment, she slipped her hand beneath her pillow, grasping the cool metal that she found there. She drew her hand back, and opened it, staring down at the item that now rested in her palm. Jarius' Cataani Marine tags... She traced her finger over the characters engraved on them. He'd given them to her when she'd first come to the praxeum. Something she could keep close to remind her of him when he was away on contracts.
Marin closed her fingers around the tags for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut before she sorted out the chain, and undid the clasp, slipping the chain around her neck. The metal was cool against her skin, but it reflected the void in her heart. She wrapped the fingers of her left hand around the tags and held them to her as she turned her back to the door.
