Chapter 29 – Mistakes I Made A Few

AN: Thanks to all my reviewers [Aqua Rules, Trude, kamjam, everlasting1286, Shannon, Rebecca, betazoid4, LACR, Tea4e, KT, zbethg and guests] for your reviews and comments. I strive to continue writing for your pleasure. Thanks for sticking around. Like the title, Mistakes I Made a Few, is found, please forgive me. All Rights belong to Suzanne Collins. Personally, i'd keep Peeta for myself.


Delly POV –

I'm pacing and biting my nails as Bron and I waited upstairs in Peeta's room. Call me creepy but I needed his presence albeit his clothes or things to provide me a sense of comfort. I looked around the room and was surprised by its emptiness. There wasn't a sign of Peeta anywhere except with his clothes in the closet and his shoes aligned in a neat row. He had always been clean and organized as I remembered his room back in the Merchant town. Days I lingered as we studied math, science or any homework. There were hundreds of drawings everywhere from nature to the people of the District 12. I was surprised that his witch of a mother allowed it. I had once found his drawing pad and like a nosey and curious person I am, I looked inside to find beautiful drawings of a girl from school…Katniss Everdeen. It was how I found out about his crush back then. A crush I had thought would have withered as time passed. How wrong I was. As he grew older his crush developed to love. A love I couldn't understand since I never saw him talk or ever approached her. Who loves like that?

Surprisingly, I haven't found any evidence of Katniss' presence either. Minutes ticked by like hours. It came to an unbearable point that Bron scolded me from my pacing.

"Delly, babe. You need to settle down," he said. He looked tired and weary. I knew the guilt he felt for failing Peeta once when he got shot. But this, this took a heavy toll on his ego and self-confidence as a Guardsmen; the lead soldier to protect Peeta. I sat down next to him and took his large hand in mine. For such as big strong man, he quite sweet and lovable like a fluffy, stuffed bear I had as a child. It was one of the reasons why I fell for him. He's commanding but not overpowering, not romantic but sweet in his own way, like his many attempts to make me breakfast in bread that lead to many burned toast, eggs and potatoes. It's the thought that counts as we shared bowls of oatmeal and cereal together. My heart belonged to him and lately he needed the reassurance.

"He's going to be okay," he comforted me. I shook my head.

"Bron, I'm quite aware of how strong he is when he's facing his own fears," I corrected him. "He wouldn't be here today if he wasn't." I remember the long hours and days at the Capitol how he fought for his life, inching his way back to recognition, the Peeta Mellark I loved since childhood. He was the baker boy who loved to draw and paint. After the first game, he came home a Victor, a man harden by his experience but still retained his goodness and sweet nature. I fell hard for him.

"Yeah, he's pretty strong," Bron added. "I've never met anyone like him."

"He's the strongest person I know." I said. "He'll fight for you tooth and nail if need be. But he won't fight for himself. His self-esteem and self worth was shattered, broken. He needed Katniss to glue him back together. She is and always has been his reason for living." As much as I loved him, I knew I could never replace Katniss in his heart. No one can.

"Then he'll be fine," he said as he kissed my hand. A gesture he learned from Peeta. I smiled as I remember his jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. Bron was an amorous man in any circumstance but a jealous and possessive Bron, well he shook my world from its' axis.

"It's not him I'm concern about…" I muttered. "It's Katniss."

"What about her?" His eyebrows furrowed in question.

"Peeta can face his demons, she has never been able to face hers," I explained. "She runs when she's cornered or frightened. Peeta can face anything but her rejection of him."

"She might surprise you this time," he said.

"I hope you're right," I said. Our reverie was broken as Haymitch voice filtered from downstairs.

"Fucking hell, Katniss," his loud booming voice filled the air as the front door slammed. "Bron, get the hell down here now." We stood up and descended the stairs to find everyone in the room except Katniss. A myriad of looks filled the room. Kara looked sad. Johanna seethed with anger while Haymitch had a stunned look of disbelief. 'Where the hell is Katniss?' A thought crossed my mind.

"What's going on? " I screamed as I directed my eyes towards Peeta. His shoulders were slumped, his hands into fists. Tears poured down his crystal blue eyes, his lips trembled. He looked beaten, lost and miserable.

"Delly, she left." My heart broke. I knew it. His worst fear had crystallized. I swallowed the bile that rose from my throat as I hugged his shaking body into mine. 'She didn't, she didn't,' I chanted in my head.

"Bron, get her back here," Haymitch commanded, his eyes hard and his teeth gnashed together. "Get all the guys and bring her back here by force if you have to." Without a word, Bron turned and left the house.

"I need to lie down," Peeta sobbed. "Can I stay with you for a while?" I'm speechless and stunned, but not surprised. I nodded my head as I took his hand and led him out the house with Johanna right behind us.

"Damn you, Katniss," Haymitch muttered under his breath. His voice low but clear accompanying Peeta's cries.

I led Peeta back to my home with his head on my shoulder and my around him. His silent tears broke my heart as we walked the stairs and directed him to my room.

He sat down on the bed dazed and aimless. Both Johanna and I took off his shoes as he lay back on his right side and closed his eyes. I took his arm and check his heart rate. It was fast and unsteady. Johann sat next to him, "Hey, do you want me to stay with you?" He nodded his head as he reached for her, placing his head on her chest. Tears continued to flow down his cheeks. There were no anger or recrimination, just pain and sadness etched on his face.

"She left, Johanna." His voice a whisper but clear.

"I know, Peeta, I know." She cringed as I gritted my teeth in annoyance and irritation for Katniss' defection. She should be here, yet she was not. 'Where the fucking hell are you, Katniss' my mind screamed.


Katniss POV –

I couldn't feel my feet as it pounded on the ground with every step I took. I was numb from anger, despair and rage. I didn't see the look in Peeta's eyes; the despair, the fear. I was blinded by rage and fury. I only saw Eva as she took something precious from Peeta. Something beautiful that she took and replaced with violence and shame. A ball of anger bubbled in my stomach as bile rose to my throat. I stopped for a moment and threw up as images of Peeta's abuse flashed in head. I only saw her hands all over him as he yelled and pleaded for her to stop. I wanted this, I insisted in knowing and how I wished I hadn't.

I shivered in disgust knowing that he survived the horrors of the Capitol only to have it follow him back home to the one place he felt safe. I didn't save him back at the arena and I failed him here in 12.

I ignored the yells and screams as Bron ran after me. The night was pitch black that I let the fireworks guide me back to town. Back to her. My hands clutched my bow as I felt the quiver on my back. I hadn't used my bow and arrow since the last time I almost shot Gale with his confrontation with Peeta months before. My eye stung with tears. My chest felt heavy. A voice in my head floated in the recesses of my mind telling me to turn back. I ignored it. Hate motivated my actions.

The celebration continued as I walked throughout town. People around me gave way as others continued in their revelry. They saw the MockingJay with her bow in hand. Screams and shouts filled the air, "Katniss, Katniss." They didn't' see the true meaning of the hate and anger in my eyes. It was like the rebellion all over again. I burned with hate and fury. I burned for Peeta, my Boy with the Bread. How I hate them all for their judgment against him. They'll never know how much he suffered and suffered still. He was never a traitor; he never betrayed me.

"Ms. Everdeen," a young man approached me. "I wondered if you would take a picture with me and my friends." I turned in disgust as his groups of buddies in their fine clothes and bottles of wine in their hands leered at me. He sported a stupid grin on his face; they were so drunk and wasted from eating and drinking all night. Fireworks continued to loom above us.

"Leave me the hell alone," I raged as I drew my bow. He stepped back with hands in the air in mock surrender.

"Katniss, Katniss." The chant continued as it reached a thunderous decibel.

"Katniss, what are you doing?" Bron yelled as he grabbed me by the arm. I shook him off and pointed my bow at his face. Jace and Jonah stopped right behind him. A crowd circled around us.

"Leave me be." By now people surrounded us out of curiosity, cameras in hand. Great. I lowered my bow. "She hurt him, Bron. I want her at me feet so I can squeeze the life out of her." People gasped in horror, some in amusement. 'She's crazy.' Someone yelled. Yes, madly, deeply and crazy in love with a boy whose pain radiated into my soul. I love him so much. It hurts to know how much she hurt him. I knew Snow tortured and abused him, but the sexual assault was more than I can bear. It was no wonder that he blocked that night from his mind.

"He needs you. You should be with him, not scouring the town looking for vengeance," Bron uttered, low for me to hear. "You left him when he needed you the most."

"I…" I stuttered. "I want to help him. I need to find that bitch and make her pay."

"Killing her won't help him," he admonished me. "Get your stubborn ass back home. He needs you love and support, not your anger. You abandoned him." His words replaced my anger with guilt and shame. It was like I was doused with ice water, cooling the heat of anger and hate. "Listen, we know now. Who she is and what she did to him. There is no place in Panem safe for her. I will personally take care of her. You need to go back home. To Peeta."

I took off. How I got home, I don't know as instinct took over. I hope that Peeta will forgive me for…leaving him to appease and satisfy my anger instead of comforting him.

I reached Haymitch's home and found him sitting on an easy chair with a bottle of wine in his hands. Effie sat opposite him with a tall glass of wine in her hand. Her face was drawn and sad. He looked at me in disappointment. I turned and ran upstairs to Peeta's room. He's nowhere in sight.

"He's not here," Haymitch announced as he took a large swig of wine, spilling down his chin and onto his shirt. I turned to move around him as he blocked the door. He raised his hand. "Where do you think you're going?" he sneered at me. His anger radiated from his eyes.

"To my house, to find Peeta," I answered.

"Don't," he demanded.

"He needs me," I insisted, daring him to challenge me.

"Should of thought of that before you ran out on him." He leaned against the doorway. I pushed forward, running past him. Jace and Jonah stood outside watching the perimeter. I ran past them. My house is quiet and empty. Peeta is not in my bed. There is only place left. I'm greeted by Delly whose face was stormy as she opened the door. She folded her arms across her chest.

"Katniss," she greeted me, cold and unfriendly. "Now is not a good time to see him." Her blue eyes were dark with anger simmering.

"I need to explain," I started.

"Nothing to explain," she interjected. "You found out what she did and couldn't handle it, so you ran. Ran sway from him."

"I didn't run away from him."

"But you did."

"Not because of what she did to him. I mean, yes I ran, but not for the reasons you think," I implored as pain built in my chest.

"Doesn't matter, you still ran." We were going in circles.

"Where is he?"

"In bed, lying down. Johanna finally got him to stop crying," she explained. "You need to leave him alone. Give him some space."

"I can't. Not until I explained why I left," I insisted. I'm desperate. I need to see him now that I'm not blinded by anger or rage. Bron was right. I should have been there for him.

"Listen, Katniss," Delly said. "I like you, but I don't understand what Peeta see in you."

"Hey," I hollered. "What the hell, Delly." I really thought she approved our relationship. Where the hell is this resentment coming from? Why now? 'Oh, maybe it's surfaced the moment you walked…no ran out on him at the moment he needed you the most.' My mind clarified.

"Shut up and listen to me," she pointed her delicate finger on my chest. Ouch, her nail bit into my skin. "You're moody, sullen and bitter with the world. You're pretty self-absorbed. You don't leave room for other people in your life. You constantly think that the world is against you. You've broken and shattered his heart the moment you stepped back from the first games. But even knowing all that Peeta still loved you. And I've always thought that he was pretty good judge of character. So I encouraged him, pushed him to seek his happiness. And it always fell to you." Her voice raised to a high pitch that rivaled Effie's. "So what did you do the moment he finally revealed his nightmares and fears, to reveal every painstaking, horrifying moment to you, you ran."

"If you would let me explain," I interjected as my patience waned. I needed her to let me go to him, to explain. I understood her anger and frustration with me. Yelling at her fueled my own anger and disappointment with myself. But Delly was important to Peeta. I couldn't afford to alienate her too.

"I don't want to hear it," she seethed, her voice lowered. "What you did was unforgivable." I closed my eyes. If she felt that I wondered if that's what Peeta felt too. How can he forgive me for breaking a promise?

"Listen, Delly, I know I fucked up, big," I admitted. "Beyond big, it was stupid." She raised a brow. "It was beyond stupid." She sighed. "I'm an idiot."

"You can't anyway, Kara gave him a sedative," she confessed. She sighed, replete from her angry rant.

"He didn't have an episode, did he?" Please don't let that be true. Tears brimmed my eyes. I wiped them away fast. I didn't want Delly to see me break down from my brash behavior.

"No, but Kara was concerned with his heart rate," she explained, twisting her hands together. "It was too elevated. He was having a panic attack."

"Where is he?" I begged one last time.

"He's sleeping. Johanna is with him." She twisted the knife in my gut. She gave him comfort. It should have been me.

"I don't care, I just need to see him," I cried. Delly relented as she led me upstairs. There, Peeta slept with his head on Johanna's chest as she wrapped her arms around him. He whimpered and twitched in his sleep.

"He's agitated," Johanna spoke as she played with his hair behind his neck. "I don't know how to make him stop shaking." His body twitched hard. He wore a plain white t-shirt and boxer shorts. His legs covered with a blanket from waist to knees revealing his legs to the open air. He didn't remove his prosthesis. Someone undressed him. Damnit.

"You need to open a window, it's too stuffy in here for him," I advised. Delly walked over and opened a window. Moonlight and a light breeze filtered in the room. I realized that we were standing in the master bedroom.

"May I lie with him," I asked. I didn't deserve to be here but I needed his presence to calm my shattered nerves. I shattered us. I needed to fix it. I removed my shoes and sat down.

"I don't know if that's a good…" Delly stated.

"Just don't wake him," Johanna stated. She gave me a look. I knew that I was going to have a long conversation with her in the near future. But right now, we both understood that the first priority was Peeta. I replaced her as I placed his head on my chest. Peeta once admitted that he needed to hear my heartbeat with his head against my breast. He needed the reminder that I was real and we were together. I rubbed his back up and down soothing him. He was too warm.

"Hey, Peeta," I whispered. "It's me baby. I'm here now. Shh…" He whimpered in his sleep but settled down. He took a deep breath. Delly and Johanna crept out of the room to give us some privacy. I can hear them arguing, but tuned them out. "I'm here Peeta. I'm here." I repeated over and over. I hope that he felt my presence as he tighten his arm around my waist in his sleep. "I love you."

I woke up on my side of the bed. The sun peeked beyond the horizon. The space beside me was empty. I felt for the pillow and it was cold. I resisted and bit my lip from bursting into tears. I deserved this. I did. However the smell of bread broke my sorrow and pain. It was cheese buns. Hope filled me. I swiped my hand over my eyes. I gasped as the cold wood floor surprised me. After a quick search I put on my shoes and ran down the stairs. In the kitchen were Bron, the Guardsmen, Johanna, and Alec. Alec? Not a sign of Peeta anywhere.

"He's at Haymitch's," Johanna stated as if she read my mind. "With Effie and Delly. He's packing."

"Packing?" I panicked. 'He can't leave me. Not ever.' I said as my throat constricted from fear. Bron sighed. The Guardsmen continued to eat breakfast. I ran.

Haymitch intercepted me at the door. "Hey, sweetheart." I balked at his nickname for me. He didn't comfort me or berate him. He looked tired.

"I need to see him," I said as he led me inside the house

"Kara is checking on him."

"Kara, what is she doing here? Is he okay," I said in fear as anxiety shot through my spine.

"Just calm down." He placed both his hands on my shoulders and led me to the living room.

"Just a check up before getting on the train this afternoon," he informed me. He caught the surprised look in my face. "You do remember that he was going to the Capitol today?" Huh.

"I thought it was cancelled because of yesterday," I stated. He didn't need to go now. His session was over.

"Peeta decided to go anyway," Haymitch explained. He combed his fingers through his hair. His eyes were red and puffy. He was obviously suffering from a hangover. "Beetee will be there for his fitting."

"He's leaving me," I cried sitting down as I elbowed my knees, covering my eyes.

"You're an idiot." His voice penetrated my muddled brain. I looked up, teary eyed and scowled at him. He's reduced to name-calling. "Have you forgotten that he asked you to go with him?" I blinked several times.

"But…" I gulped, breathing heavy and uneven.

"You're going to let him run away from you?" He challenged me. "Listen, sweetheart." Great, I knew I wasn't going to escape another lecture. "You fucked up yesterday. Majorly, big time. Make it up to him. Don't let this fester. Apologize, explain on your hands and knees if you have to, beg for his forgiveness. And don't you ever…" He stopped and stared me straight in the eyes. "Do that again." I nodded. "Enough said."

"Good morning, Katniss," Kara greeted me. I hate her. She looked coifed and perfect this morning with her glossy hair and perfect skin while I knew that I had bags under my eyes, my hair a bird's nest. My clothes were rumpled from sleeping in them all night, but the scent of Peeta lingered. It comforted me from his absence and avoidance.

"How is he?" I asked as I stood up.

"A little shaky but okay," she reported. "I don't think it's a good idea for him to travel right now, but he insisted."

"Then, why is he?" She looked at Haymitch as if they were conspiring to keep a secret from me.

"Tell her," Haymitch determined.

"He's agreed to stay there for a month…to prepare for his new treatments," she informed me. I gasped in shock. My visit to the Capitol was only for a week. It was all the time that Paylor permitted. His treatment wasn't schedule for another month. I thought he wasn't physically ready.

"Why?" My mind felt numb.

"He said he might as well get it over with," Kara explained. "He said that he had nothing left to lose." I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle a gasp. I searched my mind for any excuse to keep him here, in 12.

"What about Eva?"

"There's a nation wide search and a warrant for her arrest," Haymitch spoke. "She cannot hide in Panem for too long. She will be found and arrested. She's not that stupid to follow him back in the Capitol." He sighed. "Paylor placed a reward for her capture."

"Can I see him?" I asked. A sharp pain pierced my chest.

"He's getting dressed after his shower," Kara said. What the hell! Delly is upstairs helping him. "He'll be down in a few minutes." I stood up to run upstairs. "Give him a few minutes, Katniss. He's not going anywhere." I'm mad, angry with myself. The minutes lingered when he and Delly finally appeared descending the staircase. My heart lurched. My sleep was fitful, splattered with dreams of him telling me we were over; he was done with me.

He blinked several times. His eyes were transfixed to the floor as soon as he realized I was present. He brought a hand to his chest as if I plunged a knife to his heart. He flinched when I called out to him.

"Peeta." My voice was shaky and uncertain. He looked at Delly besides him. "Look at me." He shook his head. "Please." Pride be damn, as I ran up to him and grabbed him with both arms wrapping them tight around his waist. He sobbed on my neck. His arms stayed by his side, I felt hollow as guilt ate away my soul.

"Not now, not now," he repeated in my ear. His face was towards the audience around us. "Tamryn will be here in a few minutes. I don't want her to see us like this." I relented and nodded my head. I had forgotten that she was spending the morning with us before we boarded the train. She missed Peeta so much that she requested to visit before we left for the Capitol. Peeta, never able to resist her, complied.

"But soon, please." I pleaded. He nodded. The wait and uncertainty was killing me, but it was not the appropriate time to have our conversation. Haymitch was right. I couldn't let this linger longer than necessary. Delly scowled at me. A trait she picked up from yours truly. I hope that she would have softened by now. She was wary of my behavior and I didn't blame her. I acted on impulse instead of giving myself a moment to consider the consequences of my actions. The contradiction of Delly and Johanna's reaction to my abandonment of Peeta surprised me. I was certain that it was Johanna who would scream at me for my behavior.

All morning Delly stuck to Peeta's side. Tamryn's visit gave me a reprieve from the thoughts that occupied my mind. I went over the things I needed to say over and over. Words always failed me whenever I was confronted with my feelings for Peeta. It can't fail me now. No more alluding to or second-guessing my feelings. He deserved better than that. In truth a part of me did runaway from him not just to seek justice but out of fear. I'm scared that I can't truly make him happy. I've done more damage to his heart and mind since we've met. But I'm selfish. I deserve him. I didn't care if people thought otherwise. We belong to each other. I just need to stop sabotaging our relationship. Albeit, not that I did it intentionally. I'm impulsive and I knew I had to curb that behavior.

During lunch, I sat next to Peeta on his left side as Tamryn sat on his right. He struggled to eat his food only consuming half of his sandwich and soup. Delly kept her eyes on me while Bron looked back at her with concern and worry. She needed to back off. I love her protective nature for Peeta, but wasn't necessary. Not from me.

"Where's Effie?" I asked to quell the tension in the air.

"Making all the final arrangements for our trip," Johanna answered.

"Our trip?" I eyed Johanna and Delly.

"We are all going, all of us," Delly said as she leaned over to challenge me. I realized that I haven't finished packing my backs for the trip. Johanna added.

"She made sure that everyone has packed their bags. They are already at the train station in a holding bin." I sighed in relief. I didn't want to leave Peeta's side even to pack my belongings.

"Paylor and Dr. Aurelius has permitted us to have stay over at District 7 and 4," Haymitch stated. We all looked surprised by the announcement. Peeta looked pleased.

"How long are we staying?" Delly asked, peaked with interest. "I love District 7." I'm not surprised since 7 main industries were forestry and lumber. It rivaled the woods and forest with 12.

"A week in each district," Haymitch answered. "It was Peeta's idea. He wanted to surprise all of you. Especially Johanna. He knew she misses it." Johanna smiled at Peeta for his thoughtfulness. It made me love him even more.

"And Paylor and Aurelius allowed it?" Johanna questioned.

"Well, they allowed the trip for everyone except for Katniss," he admitted. "She can only come with us in one condition." My brows furrowed. "You may accompany Peeta on the trip if you have a few sessions with Aurelius in the Capitol." I choked in anger. How dare he try to blackmail me into having sessions with him? For months I ignored his requests when I first returned to 12. I didn't need or want his help. I wallowed in my grief and anger those few months. "If you don't agree, you are to stay here."

"You don't have to go, Katniss." Peeta said. "I know that the Capitol is the last place you want to go."

"But you're going…"

"I need to go," he interjected. "I need to do this. For me. I want to heal and get better." He knew that I hated returning to the Capitol.

I closed my eyes. If I go I'll face Aurelius and his never-ending questions. If I don't go, I'll go out of my mind with worry. "I need you. I need you to stay with me."

Peeta sighed. "I'll delay the trip for a month if you want. But I thought, two weeks in 7 and 4, could give us a bit of time together before my treatment." I gasped in surprise. He was planning time for us. Even after what I did to him yesterday, running out on him. Breaking his heart.

Without of second of hesitation I blurted. "Yes, okay. I'll do it for you."

He cringed at my outburst. "Don't do it for me, please." His face was pained with sadness. "Do it because you want to. Not because you think I want you to. Do it for yourself." I grabbed his hand. He stiffened for a second then relaxed.

"Okay."

An hour after lunch, we all stood at the platform at the train station. The moment was heartbreaking as Tamryn clung to Peeta. Her tears and sobs broke my heart. Delly, Bron and Haymitch stood a few feet away from us. The Guardsmen were already in the train to secure and survey the rooms reserved for all of us. Four private quarters were reserved with a dining and living area. Effie made sure of providing us the best accommodations with no expense spared. Four victors were traveling in the train. She said that we deserved the best.

"You promise to come back," Tamryn cried as he held onto his leg. He lifted her in his arms with ease.

"I don't make promises I don't keep, sweetie." He comforted her rubbing his hands down her back. "Why should I leave my best girl behind?" She wiped her eyes and stared into his blue orbs, glistening with tears.

"I'm not your best girl." She turned to me. "Katniss is your girlfriend."

"Who says I can't have you both as my best girls, hmm." He tickled her little tummy. She giggled, eyes brightening with his statement.

"I love you, Peeta." She hugged him tight wrapping her tiny arms around his neck.

"I love you too." He held for a moment then turned to her. "So is it okay if I kiss you on the cheek? Because I know you think boys are yucky. And smelly." He teased her pressing his nose on her cheek.

"You're not yucky or smelly. Besides, I still want you to be my daddy." She giggled, laughter filled her gray eyes. He sobbed for joy as she kissed him on the cheek. "When you and Katniss have a baby, I'll be her big sister. I teach her to draw and paint like you taught me." The thought of having Peeta's children warmed and scared me. Do I even want children after losing Prim? I shook the thought from my mind. Peeta gave her a sad smile. I was about to reply when Effie appeared before us.

"Time to go ladies and gentlemen," she announced. Effie wore a blood red dress that caught everyone's attention. It wasn't flamboyant or over-the-top like she usually wore during the Victor Tour and at the Capitol. Yet it screamed 'Effie' all over her.

"So, you be a good girl and listen to your Granma," Peeta told Tamryn. "And when I come back I'll have a surprise for you, okay?' She nodded her head with her sad eyes and pouty lip. "I'll be back I promise. Pink swear." He hooked his large pinkie with her tiny one. He placed her on the floor and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Bye, sweetie. See you when I get back." He walked towards the train and turned at the last minute and waved good-bye to Tamryn and Sae. Delly boarded the train as she wiped tears from her eyes. Bron shook his head in amusement at his girlfriend.

The compartments on the train remained the same. A familiar ache radiated through my body as memories flashed before my eyes. I have never enjoyed traveling by train. They always led me away from home and Prim. The last trip I was certain that I was not coming back. I was too drugged to recall how I got home after the war. I never asked or wondered. We situated ourselves in the living area where there were monitors and a bar to accommodate our enjoyment and stay while traveling to District 7. Effie didn't spare a cent for our comfort or our needs.

We ate early, as supper was subdued and quiet. The trip held so many emotions for everyone. Johanna was giddy in anticipation for returning to District 7. Peeta remained quiet and aloof throughout dinner. My nerves were shattered as each mile drew us closer to the Capitol.

"I missed 7. Mind you, 12 is my home now with my family but I miss my old haunts and the people there." Johanna sighed in melancholy.

"Do you still have family in 7," Bron asked. She shook her head and looked out the window as we passed through District 11. "I have no one left to love." My mind envisioned us back in the Quarter Quell. The memories were too raw and fresh to be forgotten.

Somehow news spread all over Panem that Peeta and I were on our way to the Capitol. The train was forced to stop at each district as hundreds of people gathered at the platform waiting for our appearance. It didn't' matter what time we arrived whether it was in the wee hours of the morning, the train stopped. It was déjà vu of our Victory Tour. Eleven was the hardest stopover as I recognized Rue's family in the forefront of the massive crowd. As usual words escaped me as Rue's mother approached Peeta and I with a bunch of flowers.

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am for what you've done, what you've sacrificed to free Panem," Rue's mother spoke, her eyes teary. "Rue would have been so proud of you, both of you." She hugged Peeta and myself then joined her family amidst the crowd. They lifted three fingers in the air and whistled. I burst into tears as Peeta held me offering his comfort and support.

It's around 11 in the evening. We're scheduled to arrive at District 7 by the day after tomorrow. No one was prepared to go to bed just yet. I wanted to get Peeta alone but Delly thwarted my attempts. The whole day had been tiring and overwhelming. My thoughts drifted back to our stop at 11. I cherished the thoughtfulness of Rue's family and will be forever grateful of my association with Rue. All evening my mind was filled of Prim; all the children who died since the beginning of the games. The magnitude of what the rebellion accomplished finally hit me. 'There never be anymore games.' I swore to myself. Haymitch once told me that it wasn't me that ignited the rebellion but a boy from 12 who declared his affection to an unsuspecting girl from his district. Who would have thought that their union ignited the first blush of a rebellion? Suddenly, Kara appeared to my surprise.

"Sorry to arriving so late, but since you're all up," she announced herself. She had a small medical bag in her hand.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in mild irritation as she sat next to Peeta. I clung to him for most of the day, afraid that if I let him go, he'll disappear.

"I'm here for Peeta until returning back to 12 from his treatments," she explained. She lifted Peeta's hand to check on his wristband. At times, I forgot he still wore the band. Though there are moments when he felt an episode about to surface but he managed to recover before descending into madness or activating his wristband. His affliction may never be cured. I still love him nonetheless. "Is there someplace where I can check your vitals in private?" Not without me; you're not checking his 'vitals.' I almost blurted.

"His room is the farthest compartment," Effie instructed. The largest and most luxurious of all, complete with shower and dressing room. "I should let everyone know what the sleeping arrangements are." She stood up.

"The Guardsmen and Haymitch are assigned in the first compartment as requested," she added. The first boxcar was to provide security since no one will have passage to the last four compartments in the train. Passengers would have to pass through them to reach Peeta and I. "Next is Bron and Delly. Johanna and I will be second to the last. Which will leave Peeta and Katniss at the very end." I was shocked by her allowance for me to stay with Peeta. She winked at me. "I'm not about to argue with you, Katniss. I know that no force in Panem can separate you from him."

"Besides, she would sneak into his bed if you forced the issue," Johanna guffawed. She was right, I would. I never want to sleep without him, ever.

"Come on, Peeta. Time for a check up." Delly stated as she stood up with Kara.

"It's okay, Delly," I said as I blocked her path. "I'll accompany Peeta to 'our' room with Kara." I challenged her, eye-to-eye as I stared her down. My heart skipped a beat as Delly's brow raised upward.

"About time." She smirked at me as I held onto Peeta's hand.

Our compartment was large and spacious, a room fit for a President. I doubt any president traveled by train. It's too much of a security risk. Though Peeta's detail was quite impressive, 3 Victors, 6 Guardsmen, a nurse and a former Reaping escort. All willing to do what was necessary to protect him. Peeta sat on the bed, his hands shook that I volunteered to unbutton his shirt as Kara stood watch. I'm saddened that this moment of intimacy was tainted by Kara's presence; that my relationship with Peeta shifted because of my actions.

Once his shirt was removed, Kara checked his heart. He winced when the cold stethoscope grazed his skin. "Take a deep breath," she instructed him. "Again." I held on to his right hand. Throughout his exam he remained quiet and didn't utter a word; not a sound from his lips as Kara took samples of his blood and replaced his wristband. "Rub this on his wrist while I adjust his new wristband." She said as she handed me a blue bottle.

I applied the balm to his wrist. The constant wear of the unit chaffed his skin; it was raw and pink. Just like his leg, it needed a balm to sooth his skin. Taking his wrist I massaged his arm as he sighed in appreciation. Peeta kept his eyes low avoiding any contact. 'Look at me, Peeta.' I sent to him in my mind. The world around us didn't exist. In my mind's eye, it was only the two of us in the compartment as I massaged his arm. It was a sensual act that I intend to repeat within the privacy of our room without an audience. Kara's words filtered me back into reality. "…he agreed that once his treatments are done and yield some positive results, Peeta won't have to wear this any longer." Huh?

"You're doing so well, Peeta." Her was voice soft and comforting. "Just think you won't have to wear this in the near future."

"Kara," Peeta spoke for the first time in hours.

"Yes, Peeta?"

"When can I have the tattoo removed from my leg?" He rubbed his hand down his upper left thigh as if he was wiping the tattoo off. I didn't realize that the offending ink bothered him. I should have known that it was a constant reminder of his abduction and his time with her. I wanted to vomit.

"Anytime, Peeta. It's fully healed now." She placed a hand on top of his. I flinched at the comforting gesture, restraining my jealous and anger.

"I want it off now."

"I'm sorry, but I don't have equipment with me," she apologized. "What if I accompany you at District 7's Medical Center? I can have it removed while we're there?" He nodded his head.

"Please. I want it off me right away." He said as he bit his lower lip.

"I'll make the arrangements. So, your heart rate a bit fast, but that's to be expected." She stated. "I know that you're not looking forward to returning to the Capitol. I wish there is more that I can do. I don't want to give you any anxiety medication. Revisiting all the districts has to be overwhelming." She looked at me for a second.

"How are you doing, Katniss? I assume that's it the same for you as well." She was packing her things in her medical bag. "I'm your doctor too, so don't be afraid to ask for me if you need any medical attention."

"I just need Peeta," I stated. "He's all I need." It was the truth. As long as I'm with him, he was the best medicine for me.

"Okay, I'm done," she said as she turned to leave. 'Good-night." Finally, we're alone and away from any distractions and interruptions. Peeta walked passed me.

"I need to use the restroom." I dipped my shoulders in disappointment. After a few minutes he excited the room and went straight to bed. He removed the rest of his clothes until he only wore a pair of boxers and t-shirt. His eyes cast on anything but me.

"Peeta," I started.

"Not now, Katniss," he interjected. "I don't have the mindset or energy." He looked tired and withdrawn. I couldn't risk upsetting him since he lacked the strength or will power to talk to me. "It's been a long and tiring day. I just want to sleep."

"When are we going to talk so I can explain…"

"When we get to District 7, I promise," he said. "I need you." He extended his hand to me. "I'm tired and I want you to lie down with me."

"Give me a few minutes," I relented as I walked to the bathroom. By the time I returned he was sitting against the headboard under the covers waiting for me. His fake leg rested against a nightstand. I duplicated my sleepwear to match his. Peeta flipped the blanket beside him inviting me to lay down next him. I didn't argue and sighed in relief as I slipped under the sheet. He wasn't angry but resigned as he laid his head on my chest and buried his face against my neck. "I missed you." I admitted as I kissed the top of his head. He was fast asleep seconds placed his head on my chest. I sighed in disappointment but relieved that he didn't turn me away as I anticipated.

After breakfast we arrived at District 10, two children from the district approached Peeta and me. A little girl at the tender age of 5 with dark hair and gray eyes stood with a blond hair, blue eyed little boy besides her. They approached us with flowers in their hands. It was like watching mini versions of Peeta and me walking towards us. As they stopped in front of us, mini Peeta held his head high and proud as the little girl stood behind him.

We leaned down and accepted the flowers. "Thank you sweetie," I said as I smiled at them. "These are beautiful." He smiled, she giggled. They were adorable. He wore a light blue dress shirt tucked inside his short slacks with black patent shoes and white socks. A bandaged covered his left knee. The little girl beside him wore a green dress a bit too large for her tiny frame. She held on to the little boy's hand in a tight grip.

"Thank you, Ms. Everdeen, Mr. Mellark for saving our lives," he spoke with a practiced manner as he turned to look back at his parents for approval. I smiled inward as I realized that these two will have a future; a future without the games threatening their lives. This was what we fought for.

We suffered through the same fanfare at District 9 and 8. It was the same crowd with the same sentiments of condolences for our loss and eternal gratitude for freeing Panem. Different faces but the same look of pain for those who lost a loved one in the games and the rebellion. My knees buckled each time we were confronted by them. Through it all Peeta held and comforted me with his words and strong arms. Never wavering in his support and strength just like during the games and the tour. I felt sick with guilt as I remembered how I ran from him during the times he needed me the most.

By the time we reached 7, we're tired, heartsick but relieved from the attention. We settled in a log cabin that accommodated all of us. It was impressive as it housed 6 bedrooms, a large kitchen to feed an army, entertainment room and study. What I love most was the outdoors with the large trees and foliage surrounding us as the house was situated next to a lake. It felt like home.

On our first morning at District 7, I woke up with a sense of anxiety and anticipation for I knew this was the day I would confront Peeta and have our long awaited conversation. It couldn't be delayed much longer. As expected, Peeta was not besides me. The day seemed promising, as I smelled Cheese Buns in the air. I jumped out of bed and changed into a pair of slacks and blouse, with a quick brush to my hair. I ran down the stairs and found everyone in the large dining area. Effie was serving coffee and tea, Haymitch was setting the flatware while Delly and Johanna ran in and out the room dropping plates of eggs, bacon, hash and an assortments of bread on the table. This was our routine back at 12. The guys were settled in the seat.

"Hey, just in time. Breakfast is ready," Delly chirped.

"Where's Peeta," I asked as I panicked for a moment.

"Manning the kitchen," Johanna said. "He rose early and kicked everyone out of the kitchen to prepare breakfast. We were just waiting for you."

The love of my life walked in the room; his hands held a large platter of most scrumptious looking cheese buns. His hair was tousled as his eyes gleamed with delight. He looked up and smiled at me. "Hungry," he asked.

I nodded, "Yes." I was starved for more than his cheese buns. He fed my weary heart and soul. He was my sustenance, my love and my life. I hungered for him.

Like a military corps breakfast was dealt with efficiency and precision as the guys bussed the tables, washed the dishes and reorganized the kitchen. The girls and I sat back enjoying the view. My eyes were only on Peeta as he stood besides them drying the plates.

"So what's the plans for today?" Effie asked.

"I thought I show you and Delly around and a day of shopping," Johanna announced.

"I have a few calls to make before we reached the Capitol, but I'll join you ladies for lunch, if you don't mind?" Haymitch added. At last, Peeta and I were left alone for once albeit the Bron and his guys were probably sticking around to guard him.

"What are your plans, Peeta?" Effie inquired.

"Oh, uhm…Katniss and I made plans," he answered as his cheeks turned pink. We did? I didn't contradict him. "We're going to take a hike and visit Eagle's nest that Johanna mentioned." They nodded in acknowledgement of his agenda. It was time.

One hour later, Delly, Johanna and Effie met me at the door as they prepared to leave for the day.

"Have fun and whatever you do, don't run," Johanna said in a firm voice. She hugged me close and exited the house. Delly looked skittish as she approached me.

"Explain, apologize and listen. Don't get mad at him, he doesn't deserve your anger," she advised. "And remember he loves you, don't forget it." I nodded my head as she squeezed me tight. "And then, I want every sordid and sexy detail of your make-up sex." I blushed so hard that I felt my cheeks burn from embarrassment and excitement. She teased me as she slipped a bottle of lube in my hand and winked. She was definitely corrupted by Johanna. I wouldn't have her any other way. I sighed in relief for their encouragement and support.

"You ready to go?" Peeta spoke startling me. He wore dark khakis, dark green shirt and military boots. Johanna was kind enough to let me borrow her hiking clothes. The Guardsmen were outside waiting for us. I noticed that Peeta carried a medium size backpack with two tins for water. I wished I had packed my bow but thought against it. He extended his hand as I clasped it tight. I didn't know or care where we were going as long as I was him.

An hour later, we followed a trail that led to a ridge with the most breathtaking view. I noticed that the Guardsmen stay behind about a quarter of a mile back. I was relieved and petrified when I realized that this was Peeta's agenda. We were going to have our 'talk' out in the woods. Just the two of us. This was reminiscent to when we camped out after our date night.

"What do you think?" he asked with a look of anxiety and nervousness in his face.

"This is so beautiful. Thank you for taking me here," I acknowledged as I hugged him for the first time in hours since he last touched me. He laid a blanket on the dirt floor placing his backpack besides him. He pointed to the space beside him. I was tempted to sit on his lap, needing the warmth and closeness I missed so much. I sat close to him grabbing his hand.

"First, I want you to know that I love you," I announced. For hours I rehearsed what I wanted to say, trying to cover every aspect of sorrow, guilt and shame for my actions. But now that we're here, words failed me so I said the foremost thought in my mind that I needed for him to know. "I love you." I said it clearly and succinctly. He didn't react.

"Katniss," he started. His eyes diverted me, staring at the view in front of us. There in his blue crystal orbs were pain and sorrow, not the reaction I expected or anticipated.

"Please, Peeta. I need you to understand that what I did…was a mistake." I bit my lower lip as I wrung my hands together. Courage failed me as I struggled to express my regret for running out on him. He pinched the bridge of nose between his fingers as he closed his eyes.

"I know you're mad at me" I stated.

"I was…disappointed," he admitted. "I mean I was mad at first, but then I realized that I was more mad at myself really. I could never stay mad at you ever."

"Please forgive me," I sobbed.

"Nothing to forgive." I gasped in surprise. 'What?' His next words struck me in the chest. "It's what I expected. So you don't need to explain."

"No, Peeta." My mind scrambled to find words and sentences to form in my head.

"I shouldn't have been surprised or hurt that you reacted that way." He continued.

'What the fuck!' "That's not fair," I yelled at him as tears crowded my eyes. "Let me explain…"

"Nothing to explain," he said in a monotone manner. His eyes were sad as he bit his lip. "You found out what she did to me, got disgusted with me and left."

"That's not why I ran." I defended myself. "I was angry that she hurt you. I wanted to find her and kill her for what she did to you."

"It's doesn't matter why you ran, what mattered was that you ran. Away from me."

"I didn't run away from you, damnit," I roared into the air with my hands clenched by my side. I was angry with him and at myself. At Eva.

He stood up as I followed suit standing right in front of him. "You left me," he screamed. "Do you know what's like…I've been in love with you since I was five and…these last few weeks. You finally…let me in…be with you. And the first sign of trouble you ran." His chest heaved as he struggled to breath through his nose. He panted through his mouth gasping for air. I checked on his wristband as the displayed turn yellow. He needed to calm down as he took a deep breath to settle him. He chanted, 'Breath, breath.'

"I wasn't running away from you," I repeated back as I mimicked his breathing pattern.

"I fucking know that," he returned as he gritted his teeth. He brushed a hand over his head. "I knew why you ran."

"You do?"

"Yes, I know. I know you, Katniss." He sighed, tired and resigned. "I know how you react to certain situations and your first impulse beside anger is to run."

"Then why are you…"

"You should have been with me…not run after Eva. I needed you." He knocked the wind out of me. He knew. "I just revealed every sordid, disgusting things she did to me…I just needed you. And you left. You left me and I wanted to die." He rubbed his hands over his chest.

"I was so angry."

"I know."

"She hurt you and all I saw…I didn't feel anything but anger and hate for what she did."

"I know," he repeated.

"I didn't run away to hurt you, Peeta." I admitted.

"But you ran and it did hurt me. I thought…I thought you didn't want me anymore," he sobbed clutching his chest. "I thought you were disgusted with me…after what she did to me." He turned around, his back towards me. I gasped in guilt and shame. 'How could he think that?'

"Never, Peeta." I hugged him from behind, his chest heaving as he cried. He pulled away from me.

"Don't touch me," He bellowed. "It's why you ran. You'd rather hunt down Eva then be with me." He's ranting and sobbing, not making any sense. "You think I'm …I'm dirty and disgusting. You don't want me anymore and you're using her as an excuse."

"No Peeta. That's now why…" I grabbed him hard against my chest as he struggled to free himself. "I want you, only you. I want you so much…I want you touch me…like you did that night. I think about it all the time. How you made me come with you fingers, your mouth sucking my nipples." He gasped in surprise. "Only you can make feel that way. Only you. And I want to do it again."

"You still want me like that?" His voice hitched as he wiped tears from his eyes.

"Yes, always…all the time." I conceded and nodded my head. I kissed his lips soft and sweet. I tasted his tears. "Listen, I'm sorry I ran away. I should have stayed with you. I made a big mistake...I was just so angry with her. She took something away from you. Something that I wanted…you're first time should have been with me."

"It was only going to be you." He admitted.

"And it will be…she's never getting near you again, I swear." He looked at me and saw my determination to keep him safe, away from Eva's obsession.

"Katniss, please don't go after her," he pleaded. "I know you will if given half the chance. She's done enough damage to the both of us. Don't appease you anger by going after her."

"But Peeta, she hurt you, " I whined.

"She did. There isn't a single moment each day that I don't struggle to fight the memories. I want to wash it all away from my mind. But the more I think about it and her, the more I get angry. I don't want to be angry." He sat down, defeated and tired. I sat astride him and placed both my hands on his cheeks. His breath grazed my lips as I leaned my forehead against his warm brow. The sun was high above us. I felt sweat drip down between my breasts. I was hot but not from the sun but from Peeta's close proximity.

"You have every right to be angry." He relaxed and placed his hands on my hips as I wrapped my legs around him; settling my body firmly on top of his lap.

He shook his head. "Aren't you tired of being angry all the time? Aren't you sick and tired of feeling like your chest is about to burst? I can't live like that. There is no room in my heart for anger, resentment and bitterness. How can I love you, the way you deserved to be loved if I let that linger?" He placed a hand on my cheek. "I'd rather live a lifetime of loving you than being angry with her. It'll only eat us alive."

"I don't how to let it go." I admitted to him as I leaned back and toyed with the buttons on his shirt.

'Don't let it consume you," he begged me. "I watched my mother's bitterness and resentment fester and harden her. She was difficult to love but I loved her anyway." Like the way he loved me when I ignored and denied my feelings for him. "I won't become her. I refuse to. Katniss, I don't want you fighting my battles. Stand beside me. I don't need to be avenged. I don't need retribution, I just need you."

This is why I love him. He refused to let the ugliness around him change him. His simple words soothed my soul and lit my heart afire. He's an addiction and obsession I never want a cure. I sobbed as I held him in my arms. Our tears of sorrow and pain mingled with love and devotion.

"I'm so sorry." I stated again not for him but for me. "Tell me that I didn't ruin us…that I didn't shatter you're trust in me." I couldn't live without his love and his trust.

"Shh…we're okay." He comforted me with his hands and words. He kissed my forehead. "I trust you to do what you do best. I may not like it but it's who and what you are that I trust. You're loyal, obstinate, kind and impatient. You're a contradiction of strength and weakness. You love deeply and obsessively. You fight for what you believe in and would sacrifice your own life for those you love. And any man would be lucky to be loved by you."

"Thank you," I said as I sighed and held him tight in my arm, encircling them around his waist. I laid my head on his shoulders. He smelled of yeast, flour and jasmine. It was an aphrodisiac as the familiar tingle bubbled in my groin. Delly was sure to be disappointed since his faith and trust in me was what I needed at the moment. I shook my thoughts of my lust and desire for him aside. It wasn't the right time.

"For what?" He said as he touched our noses together, tickling me.

"For being patient, for knowing me better than myself," I acknowledged and giggled as his nose traveled down my cheek and throat.

"No thanks necessary," he returned. "You're easy to love."

"Not according to Haymitch," I debated.

"I think all of Panem would disagree with him," he teased. I missed this banter and ease we have for each other. I never felt comfortable conversing with people. Even with Gale, conversation was terse and laced with bitterness and hate. We fueled each other's anger. It's why we would have never worked out. I never loved him the way I love Peeta. He soothed and lit me on fire. I never felt lust and desire before I me him.

"Seriously, Katniss. We need to face things together. No more making decision for each other," he said. I nodded my head.

"So we're okay?" I asked one more time. I needed the assurance.

'Hmm…yes we are. We're more than okay. I say we're brilliant," I giggled and gasped as one of his hands slipped inside my shirt. "I think that was our first fight as couple."

"Yeah." I licked my lips in anticipation. I wasn't going to initiate any intimacy. After his session, I didn't want to push him. If Peeta wanted to play, I had not objection. I missed his lips and his kisses. "I missed you."

"Missed you too." He worked the buttons on my shirt. I wanted to scream at him to just rip it off but held my tongue. The cool air brushed my heated skin as the shirt dropped down my shoulders. Peeta played with the edges of my bra. Teasing me as he palmed my breast.

"Wanna make up some more," he breathed and grazed his lips along my collarbone tracing his talented tongue between my breasts. One of his hands was unbuttoning my pants while the other moved my bra aside revealing my hard nipple to the cool air.

"Fuck yes," I screamed. The world disappeared as Peeta licked then latched his mouth on my exposed nipple. Sucking hard. I lost my sense of reason and reality.

Peeta raised his head from my breast with a pop. "I think we need to fight some more. You're fucking hot when you're angry." He returned to my other breast as he twirled his tongue on the neglected twin. I moaned loud and deep. He pushed me down on the floor laying me on my back.

I looked at the sky above me as he worked his fingers down my pants. Two weeks in District 4 and 7 without any distractions, I swore that I would help Peeta heal in the meantime, and let the law handle Eva. He was right that we had no room for hate in our hearts. I strived to keep my promise to do better for him as well as for myself. It's a promise I made to myself and I hope that I can keep.


AN: Thank you for reading. Have a great weekend.