Another week, another chapter, more ominous Regina. Enjoy
The first round of messages were delivered by dawn the next day. Emma was relieved. Cora expected her to try out her advice today, she knew, but she didn't want to drive away her most loyal men by doing so. She hoped that the letters would give them time to prepare, to not take anything she said or did to heart. Gods this was all so fucked up.
She walked into the council chambers and found Cora sitting in the exact position she had been the day before. The Dark Queen smiled at her. Emma repressed the urge to shiver. Twenty-four hours without the woman's presence had done much to clear her head. She could see that everything Cora had said the day before was wrong, so very wrong. They were the words of a tyrannical ruler, the exact opposite of what Emma herself wanted to be. She knew how to be commanding when she needed to be and she knew when to be kind. Both had their place in a monarch despite what Cora said.
She sank down to the right of the older woman and offered her what she hoped was a convincing smile in return. She as beginning to understand just why Regina was so good at keeping her face blank as a mask. She would have had to with this woman in front of her just to survive. Emma hoped against hope that she had learned enough from her wife to get by.
She wondered just what it was about the Dark Kingdom that turned out rulers exactly like Cora. In the hundreds of years that the kingdom had been around, Emma remembered no king or queen within the history that she had been forced to learn as a child who had been kind, or even anything less than ironfisted. At best they were cruel at worst insane and more than a little sadistic. If Regina had stayed there those years ago she wondered if her wife would have turned out the same way. She couldn't imagine that Regina would, but there was no way to be sure.
"Have you thought about my advice?" Cora asked, voice smooth as silk.
Emma nodded slowly. "I have, and I'm really still just not sure about it. It goes against everything I've ever been taught or experienced. It's quite hard for me to accept."
Cora's lips pursed. "Perhaps you should try it as I instructed before you make your final judgments. Today's meeting should be a perfect place to try. If you find it still ineffective for you, we can move on to the next lesson. As I said a teacher is someone who will let you learn the lessons as they are taught and apply the principles in new ways. As long as you have the knowledge then you can use it at your will."
Emma nodded along as if everything she was saying made perfect sense. Her mouth felt extremely dry, her heart was trying to beat out of her chest. She was so worried that she was going to make the wrong move, that she was going to fall into the woman's trap hook, line, and sinker.
But when the men of her council walked through the door she glared at them like they had all done something to personally offend her. She looked them all over as they sat down as if they were so far below her she was lowering herself just by acknowledging they were there. Beside her she felt Cora smile. She wanted to throw up.
"I don't have all day," her voice was quiet and icy, something out of her own nightmares. "Get on with it."
Lord Rochester cleared his throat and spoke up quickly, outlining the previous day's work restoring the men to the barracks and the supplies not used to their rightful places.
Emma cocked an eyebrow. "And that was important for me to know, why?"
The man blanched just slightly. "Well, your majesty, you said you wanted to know everything about what was going on within the kingdom during this time."
She snorted. "Everything important, I thought you were smart enough to suss that out for yourself. A Queen has no time for the little details. There are much more important things to concern my time with at the moment. This kingdom is on the verge of bankruptcy and gods know how long it will be before another kingdom thinks that we look like good pickings and comes after us. Unless there is a problem with how the men are settling in I don't need to hear about it for ten minutes, my lord." She sneered his title like it was some sort of insult. "A sentence, perhaps two will more than suffice."
"But, my Queen you were perfectly happy with how I was giving the reports before." He swallowed.
The look she gave him was enough to make the temperature in the room drop just a few degrees. "That was before I saw a great many of our men injured and slaughtered in a war that we most assuredly wouldn't have won but for outside help. My time is better spent preventing another conflict from happening than hearing about how the men were tucked in to sleep with their gods damned teddy bears with a glass of warm milk!"
Lord Rochester finally sat down. "Yes, my Queen," he said quietly. "I won't make the same mistake again."
Emma swallowed hard against the urge to vomit. The words that had just come out of her mouth left the bitterest of tastes. How in the seven hells could anyone be like that on a regular basis?
And yet she felt her heart beating faster in her chest and a sense of power and accomplishment she hadn't felt before. It was different than the feeling she got putting an errant council member in his place. It was more powerful. She had just made a very powerful man bend to her will with nothing more than a few hard looks and scathing words. She felt more in control than she ever had in front of her council.
She wanted to throw up more at the thought. No, Cora was not right, this was not how to treat the men in front of her. She was only doing this to play a part, only doing this so they could live another day. She wasn't like this. As soon as Cora was gone she would go back to the same old Emma who only cut people down when provoked.
She kept repeating that to herself, but as she looked up at the other members of the council with a cold, expectant look on her face and saw them flinch back just the slightest bit, she wasn't sure she believed herself. Regina's words rang in her ears, at what point did trying to save the kingdom destroy it. At what point did trying to save herself destroy herself. She didn't know. She wasn't sure she ever would.
Beside her Cora was preening, proud of her student. Emma felt the smugness coming off her in waves, like she already believed that Emma would see her point of view now and follow her instruction to the T without having asked Emma herself. She wasn't sure she ever hated anyone more than she did in that moment.
"Anyone else have anything else actually important to tell me?" Emma asked, teeth bared just slightly.
The men before her looked at each other, looks silently daring the others to stand and speak. None of them moved.
"By all means move at a glacial pace, we clearly have all the time in the world before the next invasion." Considering the next invasion was sitting right outside the palace walls, the invasion part already complete, perhaps they did in a twisted way. Emma's stomach lurched again. There was no way she could eat before tomorrow's council meeting and keep anything down. She was only managing right then because of sheer force of will. It would be so much easier with an empty stomach.
Lord William slipped on his spectacles and spoke up, highlighting the most important aspects of the kingdom's financial situation, going over what the money from Spring Haven would be used for when it came.
Emma nodded after his report, approving of all of it. She looked around. "Now see, is that so hard?"
A couple men shook their heads, but most stayed silent and still. They all looked down at their papers.
Lord William spoke up again. "With your majesty's new stipulations, I believe that's all that we have to report."
"Good. I expect you to keep doing whatever needs be done to keep the kingdom running. Take care of the details of course, but do not bother me with them until they become significant enough for my attention. I hope you've learned that from today's meeting at least. You're dismissed." She turned from them and back to Cora.
The older Queen nodded at her, dark eyes watching the council file slowly from the room. When the door shut behind them she smiled. "Now what do you think? Didn't that go so much better for you?"
Emma opened her mouth. She had to do it. She had to agree and bite the bullet and just get it over with no matter how hard it was to say. Even if she threw up as soon as—
"Yes," she said, word slipping out of her mouth without her conscious effort. She didn't want to think about what it meant that it had been so easy. Oh gods, she needed Regina right then.
Cora reached out and gripped Emma's hand, squeezing once hard enough that Emma had to resist a squeak of pain. "I told you so, dear. I haven't ruled a kingdom for all these years without knowing what I'm talking about. You applied the concept differently than I would have, but that's what learning is all about I suppose."
Emma nodded. "Yes, it is." She withdrew her hand under the guise of straightening the papers in front of her, slipping them into the file she kept just for the myriad of council notes she had. "If that was the first lesson what is the next?"
Gods, she didn't want to learn anymore. Anything at all but that.
Cora hummed. "I'm not quite sure yet. Why don't we see what comes up?"
"Alright."
"Good," Cora stood up. "Now, I have a council meeting of my own to run, the imbeciles won't get anything done right without me." And swept from the room.
Emma let out a sob of relief when the door slammed behind her and sank down onto the table in front of her. Oh gods what in the world had she gotten herself into.
She found Regina handing over the next few missives for the council members to the little page boy. He scampered off right as she reached Regina's side. She stared after him for a long second.
"He's a good little boy, Henry." She sighed heavily. "He reminds me of my father in more than one way, not including the shared name." She turned to Emma. "I don't think I'll forgive myself if he's hurt."
Emma swallowed and nodded. "I know." She ran a hand through her hair. "We need to end this quickly. Regina, I don't know how long I can take this. She's getting to me much too easily. I don't want to treat the people under us as literal pieces of shit, but…she just makes it such an appealing option. Today during the council meeting I felt so powerful." She put a hand over her mouth. "I don't understand how you did it for so many years, living with her and still ending up a decent person."
"My father had a fair amount to do with it. He was useless against my mother, but he loved me more than words can convey."
"You don't speak of him often. All I know is that he was the one to get you sword lessons and that he loved you. Other than that you never say much."
"Because everything else doesn't bear remembering."
Regina walked off towards their chambers, pace clipped. Emma struggled to catch up with her. The woman could move when she wanted to.
The doors to their rooms closed behind them a minute later. Emma reached out to Regina now that they were behind closed doors, but Regina avoided her, stepping away towards the fire. She settled down not on their couch, but in one of the other chairs. Emma scowled. What was going on?
"Regina?" She asked, walking over and kneeling by the other woman. "What's wrong?"
"Why ever would you think anything was wrong, dear?" Regina stared at the fire, not even sparing the barest glance for Emma.
"For one you aren't looking at me or sitting on the couch. For another thing you start speaking like your mother when you're angry. I only started noticing it since she arrived, but it's kind of uncanny how much you can sound alike."
Regina's eyes narrowed, but she still didn't look at Emma. "And do you suppose that comparing me in any way to my mother would be a good way to quell my anger if I was in fact angry?"
Emma felt the blush crawl up her cheeks. It seemed she still had the talent of sticking her foot in her mouth. "Well, no, but I guess I just wanted to share that little observation."
Regina hummed but said nothing more. Emma stayed by the other woman's feet for a few long minutes, trying to wait her out. Her knight, though, had an infinite supply of patience and the upper hand in their current conflict. She could wait as long as she wanted while Emma squirmed.
"Regina, really, what's wrong? I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong. Considering you won't look at me it's definitely something I did, but I don't understand. Please, Regina, I can't have you be mad at me right now. I don't think I could stay sane if you won't talk to me."
"Because it's all about you right now, isn't it?" This time Regina did look down at her, eyebrow cocked and face a blank mask, but her eyes sparked with anger.
Emma's brow scrunched. "Well, no, of course it isn't. Why would it be? Everything that's going on right now is about the continued survival of the kingdom."
"Then why is every word out of your mouth recently about you. You may relate it back to the kingdom, but it's about you at heart. Have you thought about anyone else? About the little boy who you're putting in harm's way? It's different putting soldiers on the battlefield, they volunteered for it, they know what they're getting into, but a child Emma? A child. He thinks he's running messages about the cleanup of the palace grounds. He knows nothing of the danger, not any more than anyone else. They all know my mother's dangerous, but he has no idea he's on the front line."
"Regina, we've been over this. He's our best way right now to communicate with the council. Gods know it's not like we can talk to them during the council meetings, not when your mother is forcing me to treat them like the mud on my boots."
"Is she really forcing you?" Regina's eyes burned into Emma's, the weight of the question settling between them like a suffocating weight.
"Regina!" She exclaimed, offense and anger rising within her. "You know your mother, she can make you do whatever she wants. And gods know right now I have to play right into her hands to make her think she's gotten what she wants. We agreed that I had to in order to keep us alive longer, remember?"
"Then, why, Emma, did you say it felt good to do so, to treat our allies like less than mud?"
"Because it did!" Emma shot up and started to pace the room. "It did, ok? And it made me want to throw up everything I had in my stomach and then some because it did. Regina, I don't want to be like your mother, but she's inside my head and I don't know how to get her out and that's why I come to you because you're my rock, but right now you're not being a rock at all."
"And you think rushing the plans ahead, when we have no plans at all, just so you can stop feeling uncomfortable is the best choice?" Regina stayed seated, calmly staring at the fire again.
"I don't know what else to do! Do you want me to end up like her? Because that's what is going to happen if we don't do something quick. She's too damn manipulative and too damn clever for that not to be the outcome. Not unless I have some damn help!" Her hands curled into fists. "I thought you understood that, Regina."
"I don't understand endangering people needlessly. I thought you understood that."
The words stopped her cold. Emma's hands unclenched and she stared at Regina for a long second. "Gods," she whispered and sat down hard on the couch. "Just, gods." Was that what she was really doing right then by asking for the plan being rushed ahead? It had to be, didn't it?
"I don't even know right now." She ran her hand through her hair again. "I think the choices I'm making will save more than it hurts in the moment. Is it not true?" She looked at Regina with a beseeching look. She really didn't know.
"Have you ever considered the eventuality where no one gets hurt? When was the last time you thought like that? When was the last time you thought in terms of people instead of victory? That's exactly how she thinks Emma. You can't think like that." Regina's eyes found hers for a short moment before looking away again. "I can't be with you if you think like that."
The words hit her like a gut punch. "Regina," she said taking a step towards the other woman, but stopped sensing it would be the wrong thing to do in the moment. "This is why I need you at my side. I've lost sight of that, you're right. I shouldn't be thinking in terms of how few people have to be put in danger to win, but how can we win without putting anyone in danger, you're right. I'm not sure the latter is possible against your mother, but you're right I should be thinking like that at the start at least. It's just—" she blew out a long breath. "I don't want this to change me, but I don't think I know how to prevent it. No matter what I'm trying to do what's best for the kingdom always, you can see that right?"
Regina's hard demeanor thawed just slightly. "I can, but Emma, the difference between a good ruler and one like my mother is how they go about doing what they see as the best for their kingdom. People who are viewed as tyrants often think they're doing what is good, it's all just about point of view. Rulers who are solely in it just for the power, who want nothing to do with what's good, they're fewer than you think. My mother happens to be one of them and it skews the perception having someone like her so close, but nevertheless it is true."
Emma walked back over to the couch and sank down again, flopping across the length of it, legs splayed haphazardly over the side. "Do you have any idea how we're going to do this without putting anyone in danger?"
She heard Regina let out a quiet breath. "No, no I don't, but that doesn't mean I won't stop thinking of a way."
"But if we just keep on with that, doesn't that mean we don't get anywhere?"
"I didn't say it would be the only contingency I would be considering, nor should it be the only thing you're considering, but it has to be where you're rooted, what you're always thinking of, even within other plans. There's a difference between that and thinking how few people need to get hurt at the outset."
"I feel like I knew that a very long time ago and it's just disappeared from my mind. I don't know how we're going to get through this with sanity intact."
Regina was quiet for a long time. The sounds of the crackling fire filled the room. Emma's thoughts were free to roam in the quiet, even though she wished they wouldn't. Cora had been in the kingdom for two weeks and yet it felt like months. She felt like she had changed more in the last two days than she ever had and it scared the ever living fuck out of her. How was is possible that someone caused that amount of change…unless the person was willing to let it happen.
She swallowed back another wave of nausea. No. It couldn't be. She wasn't like Cora, she just wasn't. She didn't want to be like that. She was a good person. She wanted to be a fair, honest Queen who helped the peasants just as much as the nobility. She did not want to be a tyrant who cared only for their own power.
Regina finally spoke up again drawling Emma from her thoughts. "The witch who taught me magic all those years ago kept telling me my entire stay that all magic comes with a price. I never did quite believe her. There was no price ever exacted on me for making a bunch of apples teleport across the room. It took me a great while to figure out that she meant much more powerful magic had a price, magic that may not be so…wholesome, but it's not restricted to the darker arts, just more prevalent. This conflict we're in, perhaps to win there will be a price. After all, the amount of effort that it will require is akin to those more powerful spells that do come with a price. Perhaps we're aren't meant to make it through this conflict with our sanity intact, maybe that is the price we have to pay."
Regina stood from her chair and walked towards their room, saying nothing more. Emma stared after her for a long time, lead filling the bottom of her stomach and a cold feeling washing over her. Maybe Regina was already right.
