Chapter 28:
Mortification
"Oh no, they're close. It's just you see, it's just really terrible" Alice said, her face turning sad. "They have no sex like AT ALL! I mean, he refuses to have sex with her. I mean seriously, I know they both want it so I really don't see what the problem is" she said matter-o-factly.
My face was as bright as a tomato as I cursed softly in Edward's shoulder. Why did this always happen. I peeked at the doctor and, of course, he looked flustered and extremely uncomfortable.
"I mean, I really don't get it" she said. "It's not a very hard procedure. All he has to do is—" but she never finished because Edward had launched herself at her.
She just barely escaped his grasp but he whirled, grabbing her arms and pinning her to the couch as he growled loudly at her. She looked away from his face but not in fear.
"You see, he always gets so defensive when we talk about this. All we want to do is help" Alice said in an innocent voice and Edward growled at her.
Jasper in turned growled at Edward, launching himself onto him.
"Exactly," Emmett said, ignoring the fight next to him. "and it has us worried that maybe the reason he doesn't do it with Bella is that maybe he has a . . . dysfunctional problem" Emmett said with a serious face though his eyes were practically bursting with laughter and his body was shaking slightly from holding in his laugh.
I groaned, collapsing on the coach, my whole face and neck a permanent shade of red. God kill me now, please! I heard a very loud growl from Edward and then began the fighting. I could hear things smashing as the battle raged on the floor
"EXCUSE ME!" the doctor yelled, his voice wavering.
I looked up in awe at the doctor. He had seriously just said that in the middle of a fight that he provoked. He seemed to be regretting it though. Edward and Emmett both turned to him and he let out a squeak.
He sunk back into his chair, terror shining in his eyes. His shirt was soaked with sweat and his face was once again pale white. Through all that, he still managed to write stuff down with his stupid pen.
"Boys, we do not harm others in this room including your siblings" Dr. Mental said as sternly as he could.
They both scoffed loudly before answering.
"This is called brotherly love!" Emmett said as he wrapped his arms around Edward.
"Get off me" Edward said, pushing him away, anger alight in his eyes.
"Can everyone please leave the room for a minute except Edward and Bella?" he asked suddenly.
I groaned into my pillow as everyone else got up and, with a smirk and a small laugh, exited the room. I looked to see Edward staring back and forth angrily between the door and Dr. Mental, as if he wasn't sure who he hated more.
I got up, my face still red, and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms comfortingly around his waist and I felt him relax. He whirled in my arms, turning to face me. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close.
The doctor not so subtly cleared his throat and I heard Edward growl softly.
"Shhh, it's okay. Let's just, get this over with" I murmured as we reluctantly headed towards the couch.
Edward sat down first, pulling me on his lap and then wrapping his arms around my torso. I smiled snuggling into his embrace. I had a momentary flicker of peace . . . and then I remembered where we were and why.
Dr. Mental assessed our position and then began writing furiously on his notepad. I curled my hands tightly into fists as I tried to ignore the pen. I sighed, resting my head on Edward's shoulder.
I closed my eyes and began playing Clare De Lune in my head. Might as well try to relax before we begin one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Of course that was impossible at the moment but I was at least going to try.
"Just relax love" Edward said as he cradled me against his chest, playing with my hair.
"So" Dr. Mental said and we both looked up.
He was sitting straight in his chair, his hand folded tightly over his lap. He looked like one of those doctors a hospital that's about to tell you that you have cancer or leukemia.
I sighed angrily as I disentangled myself from Edward and turned to Dr. Mental, my eyes challenging to continue. He cleared his throat a couple time before continuing.
"We need to talk about this problem though it may seem a bit awkward because it's necessary to the personal development of us as a person and as a male and female" he began and I was already blushing furiously.
This had to happen to us. Edward is the most innocent of the Cullen kids and still the most embarrassing things had to happen to him.
"Now, I'm assuming you both know how your body works but I have a feeling you're a bit . . . uninformed in a certain area" he said as he brought out a huge poster showing both the male and female reproductive parts.
I groaned. I could tell this was about to get a lot worse. A thought suddenly flittered across my mind . . . what in the world was a therapist doing with that? I didn't have time to elaborate because he began talking.
For the next hour, he gave us a very detailed personal development lesson and my face remained red every single second. Never in my right mind would I have thought this would be happening to me.
He didn't seem to understand that we pretty much knew our bodies and it wasn't what caused everything but no! He wouldn't even listen to us!
We tried to get out, talk our way out or leave but he wouldn't let us and we didn't want to risk him giving us homework because we all know how great all his homeworks always to turn out, so we eventually just stayed put and tried vainly to block him out.
To make matters worse, all of the Cullen kids were hearing this, and I could hear their laughter sinking through the walls. At this point, this session was quickly climbing my most embarrassing moments list but then, Carlisle and Esme arrived.
We were only 20 minutes into our 'lesson' when Edward told me they had just walked in. I blushed all the way to my chest and gave a strangled squeak. That's when it became the most mortifying moment of my entire life.
On top of having to sit through this and have the Cullen kids listen, now Carlisle and Esme? It was terrible! Eventually he finished and put all of his markers and posters away. We began getting up but he wasn't done just yet.
"Hold on for a minute, there is something I still want to talk to you about, something just as important." He said and I bit back my groan.
At this point, I was just about ready for anything that he would throw at us. Keyword: I or me . . . not Edward, it didn't occur to me until after. Throughout the whole lesson, I sat with Edward and we both tried to comfort each other so I just assumed that whatever he said next, it would be for the both of us and we would somehow pull out.
Oh how wrong I was.
"Edward" he began. "I have realized throughout our sessions that you get very defensive when we talk about this subject. You seem uncomfortable and easily angered into doing some rash things.
I've been trying to see some reason as to why you act like that since all of us here now know how the reproductive part and actual reproduction works" Dr. Mental said and my mouth dropped.
There was no way he actually believed Emmet . . . he couldn't be that . . . that stupid. I looked up at Edward whose mouth had also dropped, his face a mixture of disbelief and slight mortification.
A/N
Hey Guys! What's up? Hallowed is coming up and I can't wait! {:p) - that's my pumpkin! AHahaha, anyways, so, what did you think? I've truly learned to love this story. The possibilities are just so endles and I love it. Of course, I'll begin wrapping it up soon, so as to not make it too long. I loved this chapter though, throughout the books, these have been one of the problems and in my story especially so I could just not pass up the oppurtunity, its wjust so perfect! I can't wait to see the Harry Potter film when it comes out in a couple weeks, I read the book a while ago and I've been waiting for it like crazy.
Check it out!
Luv Ya!
=^.^= JMFanficQueen =^.^=
