A/N: "Mothers have all kinds of issues and problems and fears. But it is a mother's job to hide them, tuck them away, and worry only about the issues, problems, and fears of her children." So sorry I've been neglecting my updates. I've been quite down as of late, and also working on planning a benefit for the JHF, and stuff at work. I'm back now.
DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler
Elliot ran through the front door, panicked and breathing hard. He looked around, listening for Olivia, and he heard her in the kitchen. Talking. To his mother. He rolled his eyes and walked toward the sound of their voices, but he stopped just outside the kitchen.
He flattened against the wall, peering into the room. He saw Olivia; her eyes were red and puffy. She'd been crying. His heart broke a bit at the sight, and he heard his mother speak.
"Now, honey, I know you're upset, but this isn't good. The health of those babies is what's most important. Calm down, sweetheart." Bernie handed her a tissue and rubbed her shoulder.
Olivia sniffled. "I just got so…I've never been…Cragen's never desked me before. Not after I got shot, not after I got stabbed, not after El and I almost died chasing a perp down the train tracks, nothing made him bench me like this." She sniffled again. "I have to do my job, ya know? It's…it's who I am. If I'm not out there, being Detective Benson, then who the hell am I? I can't go back to being…"
"You are Olivia Stabler, wife and mother," Bernie interrupted with a smile. "You are still that strong, brilliant cop, Olivia. You just have to take it easy for a few months. You have to stop protecting the world, because you have two tiny people depending on you to protect them now." She handed Olivia another tissue. "Running and chasing guys with guns is not exactly smart at this particular moment in time. Even something as simple as talking to a victim at the hospital can be dangerous. What if an angry parent hits you, or the poor girl freaks out and throws something at you? Cragen wasn't just thinking about your health and safety, he was thinking about…"
"My kids," Olivia whispered, sniffling away the last of her tears. "I'm really…I guess it just hasn't sunk in yet. The nausea and the aching…it's not new to me, Bernie. Not with the life I've lived. It's just…I'd kind of given up on the idea of kids and a family. This all happened so…so fast and…I wasn't thinking. I guess…paperwork isn't gonna be too horrible. Not when I've got more important things to worry about."
"I am so glad you said that," Elliot said, finally stepping into the kitchen. He walked toward her, pulled her off of the stool and into his arms, and he hugged her tight. "Cragen told me you quit and I…Liv, I couldn't breathe."
She closed her eyes and sighed in relief, his hug, being in his arms, was her safe place. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I…"
"Shh," he said, swaying her. "Just come back with me. Liv, baby, he feels awful, the guys are worried, and I…I need you there."
She nodded as her head rested on his shoulder. She took a deep breath as she pulled back from him just a bit. "Can we stop somewhere first? I have the biggest craving for a chili dog."
He laughed and kissed her. "One Gray's Papaya chili-cheese dog, coming right up," he told her with another kiss.
She smiled and walked out of the kitchen. Elliot watched her go, then looked at his mother. "Thanks, Mom," he said softly. He kissed her cheek and ran out after Olivia.
"Anytime," Bernie said, though she knew he couldn't hear her. She took a breath, then moved toward the fridge, starting on dinner. Something she knew they would love, if they came home in time to eat it.
The hours passed, way too slowly. There was only so much paperwork she could do, only so much waiting for everyone else to come back with more information for her. She knew she overreacted, but she really did feel useless. She sighed and got up to get herself another cup of the tea Fin had made for her, but someone walked into the squad room. Someone she didn't want to see.
"Elliot's not here," she said, turning away.
"I'm not here to see him," the woman said, sitting in his chair. "I have to talk to you."
Olivia came back, her steaming mug in her hands, and she sat with a sigh. "I have nothing to say to you, Kathy."
"I have a lot to say to you," Kathy said, shaking her head. "Elliot probably told you why I really stopped by last night."
"He did," Olivia said with a nod. "I didn't intentionally get pregnant with twins. I didn't wake up and say, 'Gee, what can I do to really hurt Kathy now that I've successfully stolen her entire family. Which, by the way, I also didn't intend to do. Ever."
Kathy let out a breath. "I know that. I…I spent a lot of time thinking about this, Olivia, and I know being upset about all of this is silly. But you have to understand…Elliot and I, we were each other's first love, first intimate experience, first marriage, he had his first child with me, and had twins…which is so miraculous…with me. Seeing him having a lot of firsts with you, it made me feel like…like shit, actually."
Olivia sighed and folded her arms.
"Him wanting to wait with you, while he wouldn't for me no matter how much I begged, it hurt. And I thought to myself, at least I will be the only woman to give him something as special as his twins. You took that from me, too. I just couldn't stand you being better at loving him than me and then watching you take away the only thing I did with him that I thought you couldn't."
"Kathy," Olivia said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, I do, but I do love him. Maybe not better, but differently. The things we share, the relationship we have…"
"I know," Kathy interrupted. "Even when he was mine, he was yours. He always trusted you more than me, and obviously it was for a good reason. He was always more attached to you, worried about you. I have to stop holding a grudge against you for something that you had no control over."
Olivia sipped her tea, confused. "Are you…are you apologizing for the last ten years?"
"I am," Kathy said. "I really am. I know, he's always told me, that you never came on to him, you never led him on, or tried to lure him into bed. This all happened when…when you did something I couldn't do." She looked up at Olivia. "You helped my daughter, Olivia, when all I could do was blame him and yell at him for everything. You focused on her, you stepped in and you…you acted like her mother. I'll never be able to repay you for that, so I…I guess I'm trying to thank you for it."
"Kathy, as long as I've known your kids, I've loved them." Olivia sipped her tea and felt a wave of nausea hit her. She shook her head, shrugging it off. "I did what I could for Kathleen, and a part of me did it for Elliot and…and for you. At the time I thought I'd be saving a happy marriage."
"Yeah, well, we all had secrets back then," Kathy said with a laugh. "Some were obviously bigger than others," she said, gesturing to her belly. "I was stupid, and I cheated on him, and I hurt him. I would give anything to take it all back, but since I can't, I'm glad that if anyone had to be his second wife…but his first love…it was you."
Olivia squinted. "First…"
"Yeah, you heard me," Kathy nodded. "He is more in love with you than he ever was with me. It's a first for him. You have his heart, Olivia. For the first time in his life, he gave all of himself to someone, he gave his whole heart to you. Be careful with it, it's fragile."
Olivia smiled. "I don't intend on ever hurting him, Kathy. You have to…" she paused, put her mug down, and squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh, God, this sucks."
Kathy chuckled. "Wait until they start to kick. That's the one thing I hated about carrying the twins. They kick you, then they kick each other, it's like having a wrestling match going on in your uterus."
Olivia laughed. "Oh, joy." She shook her head. "I can't wait."
Kathy laughed, too, as she said, "But it's so worth it."
"Yeah," Olivia said with a nod. "It is." She gave Kathy a smile and watched the blonde stand up.
"I'll see you, uh, soon," Kathy said. She turned toward the exit, but she stopped. "Oh, no."
"What?" Olivia said, standing, recognizing the sound of panic when she heard it.
Kathy's right hand went to her belly as her left grabbed onto the desk. "Ow, ow, ow," she moaned. "Not now. Not here, and not now."
"Oh, my God," Olivia said, grabbing her keys. "Come on. I'll drive. I'll call Alan and Elliot, and I promise we'll get you…" She, too, cringed in discomfort, covering her mouth and letting out a burp. "Damn chili dog."
Kathy laughed, but said, "Can we go now? Please?"
Olivia nodded, helping her out of the room. She completely forgot to tell Cragen where she was going, but he was watching her. He knew. He reached for his phone, grabbing his coat and hat. He dialed Elliot's number, hoping to head them off at the hospital. Olivia couldn't be alone with Kathy, not when she was as moody as she was.
He babbled into the phone as he caught up to them in the hallway. Olivia turned as he dropped a hand to her shoulder, and she gave him a small smile of thanks. Cragen hung up the phone. "Elliot's gonna call Kathy's boyfriend and meet us at the hospital." He looked at her face, into her eyes, and he knew that they were gonna be okay. They had to be okay. Especially when he told her, and Elliot, what he found out about Bernie.
A/N: Kathy's baby is born on the same day as someone else's! Whose? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212
