Irene's A/N: We're back! So soon, you'd say? Well, we thought you would want to read this one. It's intense, but it will be worth it! Buckle up! ;)


Chapter 29


It's over. So, so over.

Meredith wraps her arm around Zola as she sits on her daughter's bed and bends over to lift her son onto her lap. Bailey tiredly rests his head on her shoulder.

She's pushed Derek too far, surely to the end of his rope. Now, he's probably on a plane back to DC, and she might as well kiss her marriage goodbye.

Meredith breathes shakily, trying to stay composed for the kids' sakes.

"Momma, where's Daddy?" Zola crinkles her nose, confused. The kids had played contently in the playroom for an entire hour, allowing Meredith to do the dishes and clean the entire house spotless. The house now looks as clean as it had when Derek's mom left Seattle.

"He had to go back to work," Meredith explains.

"Daddy go save Beth," Zola replies confidently, nodding her head. She's not asking a question. She's clearly making a statement, and Meredith doesn't have the heart to correct her.

"Bef!" Bailey perks up, lifting his head off Meredith's shoulder. She knows Bailey can't possibly remember Beth, since he was so sick the one time they met, but he has heard his mother and aunt talk about her enough. Beth has been a hot topic in their house these past few weeks.

Meredith feigns a smile for the children. "Right. Daddy can save Beth," Meredith says, not really believing that Derek will stick around long enough to save her. After all, she did tell him that she and Amelia could save her on their own. Which obviously isn't true, because otherwise they would have come up with a better plan of action already. As much as it pains her to admit it, she knows they need Derek. Amelia knows they need Derek, too, even though she's pretty stubborn herself. Shepherds and Greys both have stubbornness in their genes. Bailey and Zola are doomed to be stubborn too.

Will the new baby be stubborn too? Most likely. Meredith swallows, looking down at her little pouch of a belly.

"Let's read a story," Meredith proposes, "and then it's bedtime!"

"No bedtime, Mama!" Zola crosses her arms, pulling away from Meredith, and she runs into her closet and closes the door. Meredith sighs loudly, feeling defeated. Her husband is gone, probably never coming back, and she can't even get her daughter to go to bed.

She shakes her head, looking to Bailey's deep blue eyes. His eyes.

"No," Bailey parrots his sister, a tiny giggle escaping his lips, his hands touching her face.

"Come on, bud. Let's go find your sister in the closet," she says gently, lifting Bailey up with her as she stands and migrates toward the closet. Meredith's back cracks when she stands straight, and not a good crack that leaves her feeling relieved after. Her back aches, a prolonged throbbing sensation groveling down her vertebrae. "Zola," she calls, opening the closet, met by darkness. Zola doesn't answer back. "Zola, come out, come out wherever you are." Still no answer. Hopeless, she turns on the light, immediately revealing her four-year-old daughter hiding between two of her dresses.

"I was hoping you wouldn't turn on the light," Zola sighs, looking defeated.

"Zola, I'm not going to fight with you. I'm tired, and I'm not in the mood to fight you. If you want to spend the night in your closet, you're more than welcome to. But I'm going to read your brother a story, and I hope you'll join us. If you don't want to, that's your choice, and I'm not going to fight you," Meredith firmly tells her daughter, who then comes out from in between the clothes.

"Can I pick the book?" she says, her voice now sweet and precious as can be.

"Of course," a little tension releases from Meredith's back. She's relieved that Zola has chosen to cooperate. "But first, you need to brush your teeth and change into your pajamas."

"Okay!" Zola says, but rather than running to her dresser to pick out a pair of pajamas, she runs to her bookshelf. She studies the books, looking quite serious, before she pulls out a book. "We read this book! About the George and the hop-pital!" She shows Meredith the book, revealing the cover of Curious George Goes to the Hospital. It was one of her favorites. Both kids love Curious George books.

"'Eorge!" Bailey babbles, although it sounds more like a grunt. The smelly fumes of poo, setting off her gag reflex, inform her that Bailey isn't just excited about reading Curious George. And he can't drop his pants because she is holding him.

After the kids are changed into their PJs and their teeth are brushed, Meredith settles with them both on Zola's bed. Bailey rests on her lap with his head against her collarbone so he can see the pages clearly. Zola rests her head against the outside of her shoulder, her eyes focused on the book, and Meredith starts to read aloud:

"Curious George goes to the hospital."

Zola echoes Meredith's words as Bailey belches. Trying not to dwell on the day she'd had, or the challenging days ahead. Just living in this moment with her two adorable children, Meredith continues:

"This is George," Meredith says, and for a moment - like she does every time she reads the kids this story, or any Curious George story for that matter - she thinks of George O'Malley, who's been gone for nearly five years now. Sometimes she can't believe he's been gone for that long. All Meredith knows is, if he were alive, he would adore Zola and Bailey, and they would love him. She's sorry that her kids will never know him. She tells them about him, though. They know George O'Malley is a hero who risked his life for a total stranger.

"'Eorge!" Bailey parrots, stretching his jaw to yawn.

"He lived with his friend, the man with the yellow hat. He was a good little monkey, but he was always curious," Meredith reads, bouncing Bailey on her knee. She kisses his forehead, thinking about how curious her own little monkey is becoming. Bailey press his thumb against the paper.

"I 'key!" Bailey says.

"That's right, you're my little curious monkey, aren't you, bud?" she whispers in his ear, and continues reading: "Today, George was curious about the big box on the man's desk." Last week, she caught Bailey in her closet. Somehow, he'd managed to open a box that contained some of her mother's surgery tapes. He was a very curious little boy, indeed. A surgeon in the making, and not he's not even two years old.

She reads on. George opens the box and decides to eat something that looks like candy. Zola gasps. "Bad, bad George!" she says, waving her finger. "You should never ever eat something unless your mama or daddy says you can. Right, Bay?"

But Bailey's eyes are already drooping shut, and he doesn't respond.

Meredith continues to tell the story, lowering her voice in hopes that her son will fall into a deep slumber. As it turns out, George has swallowed a jigsaw puzzle piece that the man with the yellow hat had gotten him as a present! In the morning, George wakes up with a tummy ache and does not want to eat his breakfast.

"This is why you no eat puzzles!" Zola declares, frowning.

So, the man calls the doctor. The next page features a picture of Dr. Baker holding a stethoscope on George's back.

"Momma, why the doctor gots no hair?" Zola asks, pressing her finger over the doctor's face. "Daddy and Uncle Alex both gots hair."

"I don't know, honey," Meredith laughs, amused by the fact that whether the doctor has hair or not is so important to Zola. Zola is definitely her daughter. Meredith reads the words on the page: "First Doctor Baker looked down George's throat and felt his tummy."

"That's what you do, Momma! You take care of tummies, and Daddy and Auntie Amy take care of brains!" Zola exclaims proudly.

"You're right, Zola," Meredith nods, continuing, "Then he took out his stethoscope and listened. 'I'm not sure what's wrong,' he said. 'You'd better take George to the hospital and have an X-ray taken.'"

"Oh noes! George gots to go to the hop-pital and gets an X-ray!" Zola announces, eyes wide. "Don't worry, George. My momma and daddy and Uncle Alex take good care of you!" she speaks to the book as if George can hear her.

They read through the pages where George has his X-rays taken, and it's revealed there's something in there shouldn't be. The doctor reveals that he'll have to stay overnight, and they'll put a tube down his throat to help get the piece out. Zola shakes her head. "Now he gots to spend the night with Uncle Alex and Auntie Zona 'cause they take care of kids, right?"

"Right," Meredith nods. "Many people were waiting outside the office. george had to wait too. 'Look, Betsy,' the woman next to him said to her little girl, 'there is Curious George!' Betsy looked up for a moment, but she did not even smile. Betsy had never been to a hospital before. She was scared."

"Why she scared?" Zola asks.

"Because sometimes new places are scary for little kids," Meredith explains.

"Oh, she shouldn't be scared, 'cause doctors is nice and they make you feel all better!" Zola insists, rubbing her forehead.

"You're right, Zola," Meredith nods. As happy as she is that her daughter trusts doctors, and isn't scared of them, it still worries her. Meredith thinks of Beth, and how she and Amelia and Derek are supposed to be on her side, how they're supposed to help her. The fact is, doctors don't hold all the answers. She can't bear to explain that to her four-year-old daughter who still believes doctors are superheroes.

When they finish the story, Bailey is snoring lightly, sprawled on her lap, and Zola, too, has started to drift off. Gently, she moves Bailey into his crib, then comes back to check on Zola, who is already under the covers.

Meredith turns the light off, thinking Zola is asleep. "Momma?" Zola's little voices come after the room is dark.

"Yes, baby girl?" Meredith asks.

"Daddy isn't mad at me, is he?" she whispers.

Meredith's heart drops. "What? Why would you think that, sweetheart?"

"'Cause he no listen to me and he yelled at you after I telled my story," Zola says, causing Meredith's heart to sink even further. She really hadn't thought she and Derek were yelling at each other. They'd both spoken in angry voices, though, but she didn't think they were yelling. Maybe they were talking louder than she'd thought.

"Zola, my love. Your daddy loves you, and he could never be mad at you," Meredith assures her, walking over to her side in the dark.

"Are you mad at Daddy?" Zola asks quietly. She sounds so grown-up. For a moment, Meredith forgets she is talking to a four-year-old.

Meredith thinks briefly before she answers, then she shakes her head, softly saying, "No. I was, but I'm not anymore."

To be fair, Derek had not accused her of anything. She'd been the one to take it there. He was just asking a question, and she blew it out of proportion. She's good at blowing things out of proportion.

"Oh," Zola whispers. "Goodnight, Momma."

"Goodnight, Zola. I love you," Meredith says, kissing Zola's forehead.

"I love you, too," Zola replies, and Meredith leaves her daughter's room, this time for the night.


Her iPhone lies dormant on the kitchen table. When she picks it up to check if she has any notifications, her heart freezes when she reads the push notification. From Derek.

At hospital. Working on Beth's case. The push notification reads. Her heart races. She unlocks her phone to see if there's anything else. There is: Please calm down.

"Calm down?" she says out loud to the empty room. "Oh, he has to be freaking kidding me!" She's relieved to know that Derek didn't go to the airport like she told him to. She's even more relieved to know he's at the hospital working on Beth's case. However, he has no right to tell her to calm down. Calm down?! Who does he think he is?

She's fuming, far from calm. She's too angry to text her narcissistic husband back, so she slams her phone back on the table and paces the living room floor. Meredith inhales deeply, trying to slow her racing heart. As her heart rate slows, she is able to think clearer. It's then that she realizes how well her husband really knows her.

He knows her too well sometimes, and she hates that almost more than she hates being told to calm down via text. He knows her well enough to know that she was freaking out, even if it's pretty egotistical for him to assume that she would freak out.

She hates when he's right. He's probably thinking mostly of the baby, not her. That's the only reason he told her to calm down, since stress isn't good for the baby. He cares more about his spawn inside her than he does his own wife. She's willing to put money on that, too.

Tears fill her eyes as she collapses on the couch, her hand wavering over her abdomen. She feels like a pile of mush, ready to explode at any moment. Before her tears burst, though, she hears a key in the front doorknob.

Derek is at the hospital working on Beth's case. She's just assumed Amelia is with him, so she's completely taken off guard when the door swings open, revealing her sister-in-law. Amelia freezes.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith gasps, her voice hoarse. She blinks away her tears, hoping Amelia doesn't notice them. "I-I thought you were with Derek at the hospital."

"Derek told you he's at the hospital?" Amelia sounds surprised as she kicks off her shoes and sets them on the shoe mat next to the door. Meredith can tell that Amelia has communicated with Derek. How much did he tell her?


Meredith looks like crap. Amelia can't help but notice the bags under Meredith's eyes. She's sprawled out on the couch, looking dead-tired. To say the least, Meredith Grey looks like death. Not to be funny or anything, since Meredith's name is Mer-e-death and all. Meredith once told her about her friend Sadie, and how they were known as Death and Die. Then Amelia and Meredith shared a good laugh over the nicknames.

But Amelia isn't laughing now, and neither is Meredith.

"Yeah, uh, he texted me," Meredith says. Amelia notices the vagueness of her response.

"Oh," Amelia says as Meredith sits up, allowing a spot for Amelia on the couch. She takes the seat on the other end of the couch, slouching into a relaxed position, and she heaves a loud sigh.

"Rough day?" Meredith asks, clear evidence of sarcasm present in her tone.

"You could say that," Amelia replies, rolling her eyes. "I had to tell Beth's parents that we were out of options, for now, and then… my brother has shown up to save the day. God, you have no idea how sick it makes me feel admitting it. I can't save Beth Monroe on my own, but now the almighty Dr. Shepherd - the real Dr. Shepherd - has swooped in to save the day and Beth will get to meet her grandchildren. I know that's a good thing and I'm selfish to think otherwise, but you know what I mean, right?"

"Oh, I know exactly what you mean," Meredith says dimly.

"I can barely look at him," Amelia confesses. "I should be with him right now, discussing our options, but alas, I can't bear to hear the narcissistic arrogance in his voice. It's worse in person than over the phone."

"You're preaching to the choir, Amelia," Meredith says, and Amelia realizes she isn't helping the situation. She really had come to talk Meredith into talking to Derek, but it's pretty darn hard when Amelia understands why Meredith wouldn't want anything to do with him.

"He told me," Amelia admits to Meredith. "About Zola's little story and how he freaked out and ran off."

There's a beat of silence. "I figured," is all Meredith says, refusing to make eye contact. Her eyes direct aimlessly toward the kitchen, and it's the first Amelia realizes how spotless the house looks. She's positive that the house hasn't been this clean since her mother's Seattle visit.

"And I told him he was an idiot," Amelia adds, conjuring a tiny smile across Meredith's face, but Meredith doesn't say anything. "Look, he feels awful. He didn't actually think you were being unfaithful, he just didn't want to fight, so he left. It was actually big of him, since you're usually the one leaving."

"I told him to leave," Meredith says hoarsely.

"Yeah, he said that, but you and I both know you didn't actually mean it," Amelia laughs, but Meredith's face is sullen.

"I don't know," she shakes her head. "I...I don't know if I actually meant it. Maybe I did."

Amelia's laugh dulls as she meets Meredith's eyes. "Oh, come on," Amelia contradicts. "You look absolutely miserable without him, and you're always saying you can't do it alone."

"I can't, but I can't do it with him, either. I can't live with him, and," Meredith pauses for a moment, "I can't live without him."

"Men," Amelia says, rolling her eyes.

"It's not fair to the kids that we're always fighting, and it's not going to get better. We're very different people, and we see the world with two very different lenses. Maybe we're better apart. Maybe it's better that way," she says, her voice low, her eyes sad.

Amelia sighs loudly. "I, for one, don't believe that for a second. I've never seen my brother this miserable over a woman -"

"I make him miserable, see, you said it yourself," Meredith says gruffly.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Amelia quips. "I meant, you have an effect on him that no other woman has had. He caught Addison in the throes with another man, and while it psychologically damaged him forever, what did he do? He ran across the country and never looked back. He wouldn't have looked back if Addison hadn't chased him across the country. Between losing our father and catching his wife with another woman, Derek has lost his ability to trust fully. But I see the way he looks at you, and he's here, and I don't believe for a second that he's just here for the kids..."

"I didn't trust him," Meredith admits. "I try and try, and I want to trust him. It was what I promised him when we got back together for the last time. I promised I would try to trust him, but I don't know if I do. He's lied to me...so many times. Who am I kidding myself? He lied to me about Addison when we met. I don't know if he ever planned on telling me. Instead, I had to find out when she showed up at the hospital and announced that I was the woman screwing her husband."

Amelia frowns. "Well, it sounds like your biggest barrier is trust."

"I don't know what to do anymore, Amelia," Meredith sighs relentlessly.

Amelia reaches her hand out and wraps it around Meredith's fist. "I know where you can start," she says slowly.

"Hm?"

"Derek is at the hospital. You could go talk to him," Amelia suggests.

Meredith freezes, pulling her hand away. "I-I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Meredith, I've already lost one sister-in-law who I love dearly. I can't lose another one," Amelia says, her voice soft and firm.


Amelia's intense, captivating blue eyes are aimed stealthily at Meredith. Meredith swallows the large lump that has formed in her throat. A chill crawls down her spine, as she contemplates Amelia's suggestion.

It's a bad idea. Meredith knows it's a bad idea. Going to see Derek right now will only complicate an already complicated situation. What if he doesn't want to see her? What if she gets mad and yells? What if he yells? What if they both yell so loud that they ruin everything between them?

See, not a good idea at all.

And worse, Derek is probably working on Beth's case. If she goes there now, she'll merely be a distraction. He needs to focus. She can't get in the way of his focus. He needs to save Beth, and she would never be able to live with herself if she went to the hospital, fought with Derek, and because of her, Beth dies.

She can't go to the hospital.

"Look, he's a mess. He's never going to save Beth in his current state of mind. You need to go talk to him," Amelia presses, touching Meredith's shoulder. Meredith bites her lip, shaking her head nervously.

"And what if we get in another fight? What if I make things worse? Then what?" she snaps. "I can't, Amelia…"

"It's simple. Don't take the bait. Meredith, you need to learn to pick your battles. Do you love Derek?"

Meredith feels chilled to the bone. "What kind of question is that?" she quips. "Of course I love him."

"Then go talk to him!" Amelia insists. "He's really not that scary. He doesn't bite."

And at that, Meredith can't help but chuckle. "Oh, he bites."

Amelia squints, moving to the other side of the couch, as far away from Meredith as she can. "Oh...gross! Meredith Grey, you're paying for my shrink next time you say Derek and something sex related in the same sentence! I did not mean it like...okay, you go. Go now. The kids are asleep, I'm here. Please, go."

Meredith inhales deeply, standing up. "Okay," she says. "I'll go...talk to Derek." She heads toward the coat closet to pick up her winter jacket.

"And, Meredith?" Amelia asks.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't tell him about me and Owen."

"Wasn't planning on it," Meredith says, sticking her arms into her jacket.

"Right...though I'm going to have to tell him sooner or later, before he finds out from the nurses. Uh...I kind of yelled it at them."

"Yelled what at them?" Meredith lifts her eyebrow.

"That I'm the one banging the chief." Amelia looks petrified.

"Why would you do that?" Meredith laughs, picking up her purse and wrapping it around her shoulder. She looks up at the key ring, discovering that her key rings are dangling like they should, like they always are when Derek drives her car. She has a tendency to forget to hang them up, and she'll find them in the most bizarre locations. Once, she left them in the freezer.

"So they would stop spreading rumors about you," whispers Amelia.

Meredith is taken aback by Amelia's gesture. She doesn't know what to say. "Amelia, you didn't have to-"

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to," Amelia interjects. "You're my sister. Sisters look out for each other."

Meredith's heart swells as she locks eyes with Amelia, Amelia's eyes are filled with tears.

Meredith stumbles for the right words to respond with, her mind blind, and all she can say is, "T-Thank you."

Amelia smiles weakly in return.


She almost turns around six times on her way to the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. Six freaking times. The first time was less than five minutes from her house. She could still see the lights from her house in the rearview mirror.

The second time was when she reached the ferry, when she realized how late it is. Okay, it's not that late, yet. It's past ten o'clock, though. The last ferry leaves Seattle at 1:30 a.m., meaning that if she and Derek got into a huge fight, she was going to likely end up stuck at the hospital until 5:30 a.m. Damn ferryboat schedules. They're the reason she doesn't leave the hospital when she's on call, or she crashes at Alex's. The fact that the ferry doesn't run from 1:30 to 5:30 is a huge inconvenience, and one of the reasons she wasn't completely sold on moving into the woods of Bainbridge Island when Derek suggested building a house on his land.

The third time was when she drove off the ferry. She can't count the number of times she and Derek have driven off this terminal together. He always has a glimmer in his eye when they're on a ferryboat, like it's his first experience with ferryboats all over again. "I have a thing for ferryboats," she can hear him saying over and over again. He's said it so many times.

Over the years, especially since moving to Bainbridge Island, though, ferryboats are...well, were...part of their daily routine. He doesn't talk about his thing for ferryboats anymore, not like he did in the beginning.

She can vividly picture his ferryboat cap. He used to wear it all the time, then all of a sudden he stopped. Then, last year, she told him that she missed it and he started wearing it again. It's her favorite scrub cap of his. She wants to see it on his head again. It brings out the blue in his eyes.

The fourth time she almost turns around is only a couple blocks from the ferry, knowing she might be able to catch it before it takes off again. The fifth is right in front of Joe's Bar, which is right across from the hospital. She realizes if she turns back now, though, she'll probably miss the ferry. And the final time is in the parking lot, when she sees Derek's car in his spot, and she nearly has a mental breakdown.

Somehow, against all odds, against all freak outs, against all doubts, she manages to park her car a few spots away from Derek. Then she makes her way into the hospital.

It's past eleven o'clock now, so the halls are desolate, she doesn't even spot any whispering nurses roaming around. Meredith breathes deeply, wondering if she can really do this. Face Derek. Speak to Derek. It all seems so impossible, that she's not even sure if she can look him in the eye.

Her worst fear, of course, being that he'll shut her down right away, he won't be open to listening to anything she has to say, so he'll just tell her to leave. Maybe she should have texted him before she drove all the way to the hospital. She puts her hand in her pocket, searching for her iPhone, but it's not there. It's not in either pockets, so she starts digging through her purse. It's not there, either. Crap, she realizes she must have left it at home, sitting on the end table next to the couch. She can't call or text Derek now to give him a heads up, even if she wanted to.

Wondering if it's a sign, she considers running through the sliding glass doors and across the parking lot to her car, and heading back to the ferry. By the time she gets there, it should be about time for the next one to take off.

She knows this is a bad idea.

The air surrounding her is stale. Dry. Exasperating. She can't breathe. She cannot freaking breathe. Her lungs are heavy, her ribs hurt when she tries to suck in a breath of air. It's hot, so hot. Her temples pound achingly against her skull. Water. She needs water. She breaks into a cold sweat.

Meredith dashes for the nearest bathroom, not to puke for once. She runs her hand over the automatic sinks and splashes the lukewarm water across her face. Breathe, Meredith, breathe, she tells herself, breathing deeply through her nose.

A toilet flushes, signaling that she's not alone in the women's restroom. She spins around, her face still damp, and sees the second stall open, and out walks Maggie Pierce, who looks just as surprised to see Meredith.

"Maggie," Meredith gasps her half-sister's name.

"Meredith...uh...hi," Maggie's eyes widen, awkwardly walking over to the sink. She squirts soap on her hands and rubs them together before running them under the water faucet. Meredith reaches for a paper towel to dry her face. Meanwhile, Maggie tries to strike up a conversation, "I...didn't know you were on call tonight. I mean, I didn't see you on the list of on-call surgeons tonight."

"I'm not," Meredith replies simply, forcefully trying to avoid eye contact with Maggie Pierce.

"Oh," Maggie responds. "Uh...I don't mean to pry, but is everything alright?" She extends her arm, gently touching Meredith's shoulder.

"You really shouldn't touch people right after you've washed your hands," Meredith snaps, jerking away. "Now you're going to have to wash again."

"Uh...right. Oops," Maggie says, practically sounding amused as she re-washes her hands.

Meredith exhales apologetically. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. It's those damn hormones. I guess you know, uh?" Surely everyone at Grey Sloan knows she's knocked up by now.

"Oh, trust me, I know," Maggie laughs. "I'm like the Wicked Witch of the West when it's my time of the month!" Meredith frowns, puzzled. Is it possible that Maggie doesn't know? Is she really that oblivious to the gossip surrounding her at every corner? "Oh, great, now you think I'm a total nerd. Sorry, can't help that I'm a huge Wizard of Oz fan. Total nerd, I know..."

Meredith shakes her head, bursting into laughter as she turns around to make eye contact with her half-sister. Maggie really is clueless. "No, it's not...I'm not...it's not my time of the month."

Maggie's mouth forms into a small O, "Oh, uh, wow, now I really do feel stupid."

"Really, I thought you knew...I'm, well, I'm pregnant. I thought you would have heard the nurses talking, since apparently I'm their topic of the month," the words come out of her mouth, and she feels a weight lift off her chest when she says the words.

"Pregnant?" Maggie's eyes light up. "Oh, my God...okay, I'm going to hug you. Is that okay?" Before Meredith can respond with yes or no, though, Maggie's arms wrap around her. "I'm happy for you, I am. And just so you know, I tune gossip out. I was the center of the rumor mill at my high school, and I used to let it bug me, then I just started tuning it out, and believe me, I'm much happier today." Maggie releases Meredith from her hug.

"Yeah, I usually tune it out, too," Meredith admits. "It just gets old."

"If you don't react to it, then they'll stop. And if they don't, you won't notice because you'll be too busy living your life and too oblivious to care," Maggie grins, and Meredith can feel her eyes on her stomach. "So, how far along are you?"

"Eight weeks," Meredith says, feeling a tear well in her eyes. Three weeks ago she didn't think she would still be pregnant now. In fact, she'd hoped she wouldn't be pregnant now. She'd wished for the pregnancy to go away, to take care of itself. But here she was. Still pregnant.

"Wow, you do not look pregnant at all. I honestly never would have guessed," Maggie says. "I bet Derek is thrilled!" The fact that she's on a first-name basis with Derek doesn't bother Meredith now.

"Thrilled is an understatement," Meredith says, her voice filled with lament and regret. "He's ecstatic…"

"I mean, who doesn't love babies? I've seen him with your kids, he's like a baby whisperer. Their faces always light up when he's around. Wait… how is that going to work out with him and DC?" She freezes, as if realizing she's brought up a sore subject. She then says, " Hey, if you ever need help, just know that I'm here," Maggie smiles. "If there's one thing I'm good at, it's baby sitting. I love babies, and babies love me."

Taken aback by the offer, Meredith gently smiles. "Uh...thanks."

"I never had any nieces or nephews...I'm an only child...so it's kind of exciting, you know?"

"Uh...yeah," Meredith feigns a smile, trying to hide her nerves and doubts about the pregnancy, and also withholding details regarding the fact she and pregnancies don't exactly mix well, at least in a smooth-sailing sense. Maggie doesn't need to know her fertility and pregnancy woes. "Look...I should go...I need to find Derek."

"Derek's back?" Maggie is clearly out of the loop on that, too.

"Yeah, he is. And we had this silly fight, which is why I'm here...he's supposed to be here somewhere," Meredith says, deciding it's time, "so I need to find him." She came all this way. She can't go back without seeing Derek now. It's the point of no return.

"Haven't seen him, so I can't help you there," Maggie replies. "But congratulations again. I'm so happy for you!" She flashes Meredith a wide grin.

"Uh...thanks." Meredith bids goodbye to Maggie, deciding to head toward Derek's office, which is, at this point, the only place she can think to look for her husband.


All the information he needs is right in front of him, but Derek can't seem to focus on the files. The answers are all in those files, but right now, in this moment, those files are a blur. Maybe it's because he doesn't like the answer he's coming up with. In his gut, Derek knows it's a long shot to save Beth. He knows that any other surgeon would have given up at this point.

He owes it to Amelia and Meredith to try, though. Most importantly, he owes it to Beth - the young woman's life lying in his hands - to try. He saved her once. Surely he can save her again.

Or maybe he can't. Maybe he already used his one save on Beth Monroe. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's over, just like his marriage.

Amelia is right. He's an idiot, and he can't imagine why under any circumstance Meredith would take him back after how he's been behaving. He doesn't deserve her. She's been taking care of their children - on her own - while he's been in DC, and all he does is wreak havoc in her already hectic life. He doesn't blame her if she never wants to speak to him again.

He wishes he could hide in the woods again, far away from the rest of society. The problem with that being that Owen Hunt is living in the trailer, so he can't very well hide there now. Plus, across the land from the trailer is his house. His dream house. More like his nightmare house now. When did the dream turn into a nightmare? It all happened much too fast.

Maybe he should check himself into a hotel with a nice bar attached to it. That option sounds pretty appealing right now.

He's always screwing up, and Meredith has always come back to him, but he doesn't think she will this time. In fact, he's certain she won't…

He's convinced himself that they'll never be okay again when he looks up and his heart freezes. Derek blinks his eyes several times, trying to convince himself that he hasn't drifted asleep, that what he's seeing is real.

She's as real and authentic as a person can be. Her hair is tied back in a ponytail, it looks so dark now. Her eyes are swollen, and she's wearing sweatpants and her winter jacket, wearing no evidence of the small bump he clearly saw and touched earlier.

"Meredith," he whispers. "What are you doing here?"

She starts to turn away. "Look, I knew coming was a bad idea. I should go…"

"Meredith, wait!" Derek calls after her, and she freezes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for walking out. I know you would never cheat on me, and I never for a second thought you did. I trust you, I do."

"Don't feed me that crap, Derek. You and I both know it's a lie," she snaps back.

"Meredith…"

"No, Derek," she says, turning toward him again, her eyes filled with tears. "I don't want to fight with you, Derek. I really don't. But we can't deny the facts, and the facts are we don't trust each other. It's been a huge problem for us since...forever. We do not trust each other, okay? And I don't know how we fix it. I'm trying..."

"So am I," he says genially, his own eyes filling up with tears, realizing the hard truth that lies in her statements. He just wants to walk over to her and hug her, but he's afraid she'll push him away.


Great, now she's blubbering like a child whose candy was just stolen. Seeing Derek just melts her heart into pieces. She's torn between wanting to punch him and wanting to hug him. How can he have this effect on her? She loves him so much, but yet she hates him. She hates him for not trusting her, and she hates that she doesn't trust him. But most significantly, she hates him because she loves him.

Why does she have to be so damn complicated?

"Meredith," he's whispering, and she can see the distinct, heart-rending pain in his eyes. She not only sees his pain, but she physically feels his pain as well; it's like a sharp knife stabbing her in the core of her heart. She wants to wrap her arms around him and comfort him, but she's vulnerable, she's scared, and what makes the situation worse is she's the reason he's in pain. She's the root of all his pain.

"I'm sorry," she blurts out. "I'm so sorry." And before she can stop herself, she springs forward, wrapping her arms around him, and there's no turning back.

She feels his strong hands on her waist as he embraces her hug. His hands find their way under her coat, but not under her sweater. He presses his hands against her sweater, as if checking to see if the bump is still there.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispers in her ear. "I'm the one who owes you the apology. I've been an awful husband and father lately. Of course, it doesn't help with me on the other side of the country…"


Derek swallows thickly, contemplating telling her the truth about his DC endeavors. He flattens his hand against her sweater, feeling the swell of her bump through the cloth. His heart races as she pulls back, grabbing both of his hands, intertwining her fingers with his. They still fit together.

"We're both guilty," she admits, "but we can do this. We're doing this. Of course there will be bumps in the road, but you've got to do what you have to do. You can't give up on your dreams because we hit a bump in the road." She wipes the tears from her eyes, and her thumb moves to wipe a tear from his cheek. "We'll get through this, Derek." She nods, still looking doubtful.

"Meredith…"

"No, I mean it, Derek. We'll ride out the storm, we will. Please don't offer to stay. You're going to work with Amelia on Beth's case, you're going to save her, and then you're going back to DC and finishing out your contract. And if they want to renew it, you're going to graciously accept the offer," Meredith says, looking more confident now, her lips forming into a brisk smile. "We'll be fine, we will."

"Okay," he whispers, knowing he can't tell her the truth now, not when suddenly things are looking brighter and she sounds so positive. At least they've both agreed they're guilty, they're both in the wrong, and they're not yelling at each other. Telling her the truth would surely cause yelling.

"Speaking of Beth," Meredith looks hesitant again. "Any ideas?"

He frowns, ashamed that he doesn't have anything better to tell her, "It's a needle in a haystack, Meredith."

"Damn it!" she practically shouts. "I...that's what Amelia and I had decided, too...I was hoping…"

"Amelia is every bit as competent of a surgeon as I am, Meredith. I don't know why you thought…"

"She's a great surgeon, but you're more experienced, Derek. You know Beth. You and I know Beth," she whispers, her eyes glistening. "You wanted to give up on her last time, too, but I wouldn't let you."

"I know," he nods solemnly. "But, Mer…"

She rubs her nose, sighing loudly. And suddenly her eyes light up.

"What? Do you have an idea?" he asks, hopeful that she might have thought of something that he hadn't. He doesn't know if it's possible, considering she and Amelia have been working on Beth's case nonstop these past weeks. Surely if there was something he hadn't thought of, she would have thought of it already.

She licks her lips. "Juice," she says.

"Come again?" he asks, confused.

"Lemon cucumber juice," she sighs, looking delirious.

"What the…" and then he recognizes it. It's her random late-night craving look, the one he'd grown all-too accustomed to when she was pregnant with Bailey. "You want lemon cucumber juice?" he asks.

She nods her head eagerly. "Yes...fresh!"

He releases a sigh filled with relief and then bursts into laughter. "Where am I going to get cucumbers and lemon at…" He glances at his watch. "...eleven-thirty?"

"Wal-Mart?" she suggests. "They're open twenty-four hours, believe me I've had my share of midnight runs this last week. Wal-Mart is my saving grace."

Derek grunts. Wal-Mart isn't top on the list of his places to grocery shop. Truthfully, he hates Wal-Mart, though he's now recalling his frantic midnight runs to Wal-Mart when she was pregnant with Bailey, because, as Meredith said, it's always open twenty-four hours except on certain holidays. He'd learned that the Christmas Meredith was pregnant with Bailey and she'd craved homemade pineapple pizza.

But alas, cravings are good. Cravings are great. Derek has never loved cravings more.

"Okay, I'm on my way to Wal-Mart," he says, reaching for his coat hanging on his chair. "Meet me in the lounge?"

She nods eagerly, much like Zola does when he tells her he has a present for her.


Nicole's A/N: Talk about a rollercoaster of a chapter! I think we've made some progress, no? :)