Author's Note:
Hey! Sorry it took me so long to update...
Anyways, I'd just like to apologize for the delay in my update, thank my wonderful faithful readers, specially the ones who have been sending reviews/PMs lately, and kindly ask you to review and tell me what you think about this chap. Thank you.
Chap 28
Rory woke up and opened her eyes to look at the clock on her nightstand. 11:34. She sighed. She felt exhausted and she had a headache, but still she had a smile on her face. The previous night had been amazing. She had actually gone out, danced, drunk, had fun, flirted and given her number to two handsome men. It had been a really amazing night. Even when she got back home and Tristan kissed her, although it had been a little weird to kiss her best friend - in spite of him being gorgeous - it was still good to feel wanted. And that's why she had a huge smile on her face even when she felt like a truck had ran over her.
While she replayed the previous night on her mind she heard a knock on the door. It felt like someone was actually knocking on her head, and for that reason alone she decided to get out of bed and answer it. Sliding her socks on the wood floor, she dragged herself from the room through the corridor to the living room, finally arriving at the door. However, when she opened it she almost wished she hadn't.
Standing there, with a hand on the doorway and the other holding a duffle bag, was Jess. He looked tired and worried but had a small winning smile on his face, as if just by seeing her it meant he had already got her back.
She frowned her forehead and crossed her arms in front of her chest, "What are you doing here?"
"I came for you," he answered in a matter-of-fact tone and for the first time feeling unsure of how welcomed he was going to be.
"How did you know where to find me?" still confused.
"Your mom has Tristan's address."
"And she just gave you it?" Rory asked, pissed off at Lorelai for interfering.
"Believe me, she made me work for it," he half-chuckled with a tired face, showing that indeed the woman had made him work for it and that he had made the effort for her. An awkward silence fell between them, somehow making them yet more distant even though they were just a few feet from each other.
"Can I come in?" he finally asked, almost hesitantly.
"Uhm.. yeah, I guess. Tristan is not home, he's at work, but I don't think he'll mind," she said as she stepped back.
He passed her, brushing his arm against hers, letting his head fall down and sighing. It was bad, but at least he was here now. He went to the grey couch and sat down, hoping she would sit next to him. She closed the door after him and turned around analyzing her options. It was such a small gesture but it could mean so much in their current situation. Finally, she chose the comfortable black leather armchair that was next to the couch. Close enough, but not quite the same thing.
"Did I wake you up?"
"Uhm... yeah," she answered rubbing her eyes.
He looked at her puzzled, "Sorry. It's almost noon, I thought you'd be up by now otherwise I'd have come later."
"It's fine."
"Long night?" he asked, curious.
"Uhm... yeah. So, you're here..." she changed the subject not very smoothly but efficiently.
"Yeah, I want you back home with me and since you're not there, I thought I should come here to be near you."
"Jess, I told you, you can't rush me back to New York," she told him firmly and he noticed how she said 'New York' instead of 'home'.
"I know. Still, I wanted to be close to you."
"What about your clients?"
"I called canceling," he said proudly, thinking he would win points with her.
"For how long?" she asked, tilting her head to the side and studying him carefully.
"It doesn't matter."
"Then there is no problem in answering the question."
"This week. But I can cancel the ones from next week too, if that's the case."
She shook her head and sighed, "I think you should go back to New York."
"But I just got here," he said, confused by her distant attitude.
"Yeah, but there is no place for you here. Why are you here in the first place?"
"To spend time with you?" he asked as if it was obvious.
"And do what? Everything I wish we had done when I was in New York? Now that I'm thinking of other options you decide to actually be a good boyfriend? Really?"
"It's not like that. I just missed you. And what do you mean 'other options'? I thought you came here to spend some time with your friend."
"I did. But it got me thinking... If I have to skip town to get away from you and feel better, then should we really be together?"
He stared at her in disbelief. "Have you met someone?"
"Jess... it's not about that."
"You have!" he concluded. "I thought you came here because you needed space, not because you were looking for someone new."
"I did come here to get some space and I'm not looking for anyone new. It's just... things change. I met some people here, not that I was looking for anyone, they just came to me."
"You slept with another guy?" he half asked, half stated.
"No. But-" she stopped not wanting to continue.
"But..." he insisted.
"But... I kind of kissed Tristan."
"You what? What do you mean "kind of kissed"? How do you "kind of kiss" someone?"
"It wasn't planned. We were arriving home and I had had a few drinks. We hugged... it wasn't even really a kiss, it was just a touch. I just thought you should know."
"Have you slept with him?"
"No."
"Really? You haven't slept with anyone while you've been here then?"
"No, I haven't slept with anyone but you since we've met. Now, can you say the same?"
"Are you trying to punish me?"
"Well, I'd certainly have reason to want to."
"Rory... I'm sorry for making you hurt, you know I am..."
She nodded but didn't say anything and he watched her carefully.
"These last few days have changed you," he commented, feeling the distance between them growing with every word they said.
She nodded again with a small, almost sad smile. "This amazing thing happened. I found out I can have a life without you. That I might actually even be happy without you," she said, but the emotions on her face didn't show the happiness she should be feeling.
"So I was right back then when I said you'd changed your mind; you found something better, someone better?"
She shook her head, "No, it's not about that. It's not about finding someone better; it's about not being miserable. I was so unhappy before I met you and then we got together and I felt something... it just blew me away. And when you broke your leg... it was like honeymoon," she then stopped and sighed at the weight of her next words. "But then you went back to work and it made me feel even more miserable than before. And yet I was so in love with you that I thought I couldn't possibly be happy without you, that it was better to be miserable with you than to be without you. But now... now that I spent this time away, I actually think that I could be okay. Not right away. But that I could heal and even be happy eventually. But mainly, I'd stop hurting."
"Rory..."
"No, you asked, so now you listen. I'm not looking for someone new and I'm not ending things right now. I love you and I wish we could fix things and just be together. But I'm tired of hurting and if being away from you will make me feel better, than that's what I'm gonna do."
He blinked, surprised to see her so determined and strong. The silence that fell between them was heavy and though it wasn't awkward, it wasn't comfortable either. A few minutes passed before her cell phone rang and vibrated on the table between them, calling their attention. Sean's picture lightened up with his name at the bottom and Rory bit her lip, uncomfortable with the situation. Jess immediately knew what was happening from her reaction and suddenly felt at a loss. She held her breath, not knowing what to do and he provoked her even though he knew he shouldn't.
"Aren't you going to answer it?" he raised an eyebrow a little, like a challenge.
She frowned at him, getting pissed off at his high-handed attitude and with a daring look on her face she took the phone and pressed 'talk' before bringing it to her ear, while watching his face.
"Hey, Sean, how are you?... I'm good... Yeah, it was fun. I had a great time..." she almost giggled like a school girl. "I'm not sure when I'm going back yet..." she answered slowly after a minute, almost hesitantly. "Tonight?... What did you have in mind?... Uhm... Sounds good...," she said as she distractedly looked down, deep in thought. "I'll just meet you there... No, no, it's okay, I can just meet you there... No, I-..." she sighed, "Okay, if you insist. I'll send you a message with my address... Okay, I'll see you then. Bye."
She hung up and looked up to see a shocked Jess in front of her.
"Did you just agree to go on a date with some guy?" he asked, put off.
She snorted. "Are you really berating me? From what I remember you set up countless 'dates' with your clients in front of me." She stood up, ready to go back to her room.
"They were clients!" his tone showed his belief that it made it a completely different situation and that she was being illogical at the very least.
She snorted and rolled her eyes, annoyed, "Well, would it make you feel better if I charged for going out with him?" she asked before walking into her room and slamming the door behind her.
And that shut him up better than any slap ever could.
Rory spent most of the day locked in her room, hiding from Jess. She just left her room to eat and take a shower, barely spending any time in his company. She was still confused by his visit and unsure of how to act. around him He had come all the way to Boston to see her, but what did it really change. If she went back to New York with him he would go back to his job and she would go back to feeling miserable and what would have been the point to get away in the first place then? At the same time she didn't know what to do about Sean and Brian now that Jess had been added to the equation.
After thinking about it for a long time, she decided to continue to spend her time in Boston as if Jess wasn't there, after all he shouldn't be in the first place. She would go out with Sean and have fun and if Brian called her she would give him a fair chance, just like she had done wish Sean.
Jess was pouring himself some water when he heard someone knocking on the door. He closed the fridge and went to answer it. What he found was a tall, built guy with brown hair and blue eyes, wearing jeans and a dark polo shirt who was holding a bouquet of flowers on one hand.
He looked at Jess, taken aback. "I'm sorry, I think I got the wrong apartment."
Jess glared at him, "You are Sean ?"
The other guy nodded slowly, "Yeah."
Jess sighed and turned around leaving the door open, "Rory, your date is here."
They both could her voice from another room shouting back, "Okay, I'm going." A moment later she walked into the living room, getting appreciative looks from both men. She was wearing in a simple short black dress and a pair of black high heels, but they had style and they looked great on her.
She smiled at Sean when she noticed the flowers he was carrying and he gave it to her.
"They are beautiful. Thank you," she said, bringing the flowers near her face.
He smiled, "They looked fragile and yet strong. They are breathtakingly beautiful and they smell so good. They reminded me of you."
She coyly blushed and looked down while Jess rolled his eyes, annoyed.
Suddenly, Jess broke the silence by clearing his throat, "Aren't you going to introduce us, Rory?"
She gave him a pointed look but said, "Sean this is Jess. Jess this is Sean."
Jess held his hand to Sean and added, "Hi, I'm Rory's boyfriend."
Sean shook his hand before turning back to Rory, "Is he really your boyfriend?"
Rory glared at Jess who didn't look phased at all, "Kind of."
Sean's eyes widened and he continued, "So... you're in an open relationship? And you don't mind that I'm going out with your girlfriend?"
Rory answered "Kind of," to the first part of the question while Jess snorted and said, "Oh, I do mind."
Sean looked even more confused and Rory felt compelled to give him some kind of explanation. "He has slept with other women, I have never slept with anyone but him since we've started dating. We've been on a break for a little over a week, that's why I came to Boston," she paused and studied him. "Do you have a problem with any of it? I mean, do you still want to go out with me?"
"I'd be crazy not to go out with you. The situation is a bit weird but I'd still love to go out with you," he told her honestly, with a huge smile on his face.
She smiled coyly at him and sat the flowers on the coffee table, grabbing her purse and leaving with Sean, not even noticing Jess' distress over everything.
It was late at night when she opened the door and stepped inside the dark apartment.
"Did you sleep with him?" she heard Jess ask and looked up surprised. In the darkness she could see his silhouette by the window but his face was shadowed.
"No," she answered honestly.
"Are you going to?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Do you want to?"
"I'm not sure. I'm not planing on it but I won't make any promises that I may break either."
"Would it make any difference if I asked you not to?"
This time she was silent for a long time, watching him and pondering if it would. Finally, she said, "No."
He stared at her shocked for a minute before slowly nodding.
"You don't care that it will hurt me?"
"Have you ever cared about how much it hurt me? Seriously?" she countered, walking into the apartment more confidently.
"Yes," he told her, but she didn't believe he understood how much he had really screwed up.
"Really? How many women did you sleep with since I came to Boston?" she asked him, curious.
"Rory..."
"No, I'm serious. I want to know."
"Two," he admitted in a defeated voice.
She nodded as if it proved her point. "I don't think you see the problem."
"I know the problem, but what do you want me to do? Stop working?" he said, knowing that was what she had expected of him since the beginning.
She was silent for a long minute, staring at the floor, before raising her head and saying with a disturbing serene tone, "That's the thing. I'm not sure if I want that anymore. I don't know if I want anything at all from you."
His eyes widened, finally realizing that she was seriously considering leaving him. "You don't mean that," he said, in denial.
"I do. I can't keep going like this forever." She sighed heavily as if she was letting go of the weight of the world that rested on her shoulders, "I'm tired, Jess. I'm so tired."
"Is this an ultimatum?"
"No, it really isn't. You can go back to New York now and fuck a woman tonight or you can stay here, either way it won't change my plans for today. I'm not asking anything from you anymore. I tried, God knows I tried. I tried everything... to be understanding, not to care, to pretend it wasn't happening... but there is only so much I can take. And I reached my limit."
"I knew sooner or later you'd realize you wanted something better and leave. I told you this was going to happen," he chuckled mockingly. "And you said it wouldn't," his tone bordered on accusatory.
"Oh, no. No fucking way you are going to make me the bad guy. I loved you, I truly did. I still do. There was nothing better than you, I wanted it all with you. I wanted a family, Jess. I hoped we would have it all together but you killed all the hope I had in us and I can't wait forever." She paused and took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm not blaming all this on you. It's like the saying, 'fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.' The shame has been on me for a long time now, but it's time to stop."
"I love you," he said desperately. "You know I do."
She nodded quietly in agreement, "And I, you. But we both know better. We both know that sometimes love isn't enough. If my love for you hurts me this much, then something is very wrong in our relationship." She saw he was ready to defend himself, so she continued, "I knew from the start that you wouldn't stop sleeping with other women, I'm not saying you lied to me or that I was naive or didn't know what I was getting myself into. But as I said, I had hope; I don't have it anymore."
He looked out of the window, not saying a word. He didn't know what he could possibly say. The silence stretch for long minutes until she cleared her throat and decided to break. "Look, I should go to bed..." she said, signaling she was going to her room.
He turned to face her, suddenly realizing he was losing her and that tonight she may very well got to know a guy who could steal her away from him. He just didn't know what to say. "What do I do? Should I stay? Should I go back?"
She shrugged and shook her head, "I'm not going to tell you what to do. It's time you decide it for yourself and accept the consequences."
He looked down and nodded, and she could see he was pondering and trying to figure out what was the 'right' thing to do. She sighed and walked to her room, when she was about to close the door she heard his voice, quiet and unsure, "Can I stay here?"
She looked at the uncertainty and vulnerability in his eyes and could only give one answer, "Yeah, you can."
He suddenly looked relieved and nodded at her, "Okay. I'll stay then."
"Okay. Tristan keeps blankets and pillows in the drawer under the couch. I think you'll find everything you need there."
He nodded, "Thanks."
She nodded back and closed the bedroom door, closing her eyes and sighing. Just when she thought things were slowing down he came and shook everything up again. He may not have realized what he had done, but he had just taken the first step in the right direction.
A/N: Please review!
