Chapter Twenty-Eight

Just One Step

It wasn't much a search, by following the mind Psych knew exactly where she had gone, but unlike her he had to actually run there. Yes he had longer legs all those stairs were still tiring. Finally he stumbled onto the platform with the railing where Dev, Mike and Nick had fallen from and landed in the lake so far below. It was the highest point that could be reached inside the slice of civilization.

Underneath the red sky Alex stood on the railing, wings held in under her shirt, peering down. All it would take was one step and no wings. It almost happened once before, there won't be any more fear in it. Just one step.

"Al… ex" you can't give up not now.

"Oh yeah? Then when? When will it all be over?" Alex asked over her shoulder.

"I…" I don't know. But that's all the more reason not to quit. See your life through, beginning to end the way it was supposed to go, don't cut yourself off short.

"Who's to say this is how it's supposed to end?"

No life is supposed to end in a suicide.

"And where's that in the rule book?"

Listen to yourself! I remember when you first showed up. So full of energy, ready to take on anything… it was how you were built. The rules had been downloaded into your mind from the beginning but your personality got in the way. I'm not sure if you still do, but I remember one day, you had just come back from your first major punishment, unconscious, for breaking the rules and attacking a scientist - almost took off his leg. You woke up because of a nightmare and you sat up so fast you practically jumped off the floor. The first thing you said after your heart slowed was "I'm getting out of here, I'll have my freedom"-

"-and nothing's gonna stop me," Alex finished in a mutter.

You never quit, Psych continued so why stop now, when we're so close? I can feel it in the bottom of your mind; you don't want to do this.

Suddenly the heavy thumping of footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs.

"Alex wai- ow!"

Psych turned to see Michelangelo sprawled on the floor. Razor came up next only to trip on Mike's leg and fall on top of him. The two quickly got to their feet and moved just as the three turtles and Splinter come up the stairs.

"Alex, stop," Leo said when he saw her standing on the rail.

"I'm not moving."

"You don't want to do this," Don added.

"Psych already beat ya to that line," Alex said as she continued to look down at the drop to the ground. She couldn't turn around; to turn around was to look at those that were the closest people she had to a family. "And why shouldn't I?"

"Because it's reckless, and it won't solve anything," Leo's voice came first.

"It'll solve my problems right quick."

"There's a difference between solving a problem and ending it, Alex," Don said. His tone wrenched at her heart, it was so close to pleading. "Please, don't do this. We can think of something- anything, some kind of better alternative."

"What are you so afraid of?" Razor asked, quietly taking a cautious step forward. "What could possibly be pushing you towards this?"

"I can't go through last time," Alex answered. "Not again."

"Alex, I've been through it, it's not that bad… you'll live through it, I know you will."

Alex continued to look down. My shoe's untied… She blinked and kept looking: all those stories between her spot and the Earth. It wasn't half the fall she made the other day, and the branches would surely get in the way, but maybe the branches would make it even quicker. And if not, and she managed to hit the ground broken, but breathing, her tail was always sharp and no healing ability could fix the throat fast enough. But then, why wasn't she doing that in the first place? It would be faster, wouldn't it? Just a quick slice, yet one step forward and there would be not turning back. Down there, in the branches, there wouldn't be enough room to unfurl her wings. That's all it would take, no thinking, just a step.

With a shaking breath she said "That's the problem Razor. I know I will too."

Though he hadn't been there, Splinter had heard the stories of his sons' time spent in the so hated Labs. He could recall a supposed hidden expression that the girl had held when he had heard of the mutation that happened while they were in captivity, how she had turned on not only an elder and an ally but a defenseless child and one she deeply respected. The expression: guilt, shameful guilt. "Alexandra," he said in the calm tone he had a tendency to adopt when trying to sway his children to the right (though usually not easy) choice. "I am sure you are thinking of the future, about what might happen, but you are not looking from all the angles. It is impossible to be certain of what will happen, and though you are undoubtedly trying to protect the ones you love you are doing no one here favors by taking your own life. Though it will be tough, it is better to find out what will happen rather than killing yourself on what you think might happen."

I couldn't have said it better myself, Psych told as his fingers twitched. Half of him wanted to just run up there and yank her down while the other half (the older half) held back in fear of her taking the plunge before he got within reach.

Unseen to those behind her, Alex's mouth twisted uncomfortably. What had been said was true, she knew. But she couldn't trust herself to take the chance. Rogue mutations practically never went well, especially on soldiers trained for combat. She had barely made it through the first one with her sanity, how would she be able to handle a second? If she let the mutation get the better of her and the first time repeated itself by someone able to bring her back in control but it had been too late for someone else… how could she live with herself with their blood on her claws?

The more she thought about it the more the hard, immovable Earth started to feel more and more inviting. Barely thinking about it she shifted her weight, a foot slowly lifted up. Just one step…

Mikey shook his head, he couldn't take it anymore. "We're serious!" he cried. "You can't do this, not that you shouldn't, you just can't. Why do you get off easy? What about us, before we met you?!" he exclaimed, recklessly throwing his arms out wide to indicate himself and his brothers. "You think we had it easy? To be a kid in a world that hated you as soon as they saw you and not knowing why. To live in hiding for our own safety from the start, yes we had each other and a loving parent and I know you didn't but we all have our problems! You can't give up not now because- because- because it's not fair!"

Alex didn't move, didn't say anything. She remained frozen in place, dangerously balancing with only one foot on the narrow beam. By this time she could feel a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach, knowing the dangerous genes were forcing themselves into, and changing her DNA, quickly multiplying, just waiting to turn on all together and do their worst. Can I really do this to them? she wondered miserably. But can I really let them face what I'll become?

Raph couldn't stand by here and watch this without trying his luck. "Kid listen ta us, if I'm understandin' correctly yer doing this because you're gonna be mutated again, and yer prob'ly thinkin' 'bout what happened las' time. I get it, yer protecting what you can call family, I know I'd do anything ta protect mine. Bu' what I don' get is this: back then, when ya finally came clean abou' what ya were you were callin' yerself a coward fer leaving yer friends behind fer yer own freedom, but you were gonna go back. That wasn' cowardice, it took guts to stay in New York 'til you had a plan ready to bring everyone else topside. Ya could of run, hid, forget all about 'em, but ya didn't. Ya stayed close and planned. But this… this is what a coward would do, and the Alex I know, the one me and Mike met in tha' ally two years ago, she ain't no coward. Secretive, yeah, but coward? Never."

Alex remained still. It was as if she had been turned into a well painted statue. Moments passed as nothing moved, waiting with bated breath for what will happen next.

Suddenly, though, much like Psych, he wanted to rush up their and yank her down by the tail, Razor's legs buckled and he hit his knees. "Alex," he said with a closing throat and swallowed before his voice cracked. "Please, whatever happens, anything, we can take it. We haven't gotten this far without something happening, something going wrong and hurting. It doesn't matter what you do or turn into, we can handle it, we'll forgive you, I promise." As he spoke a shining streak had already appeared on his left cheek. "Just please, don't do this. You can't leave again."

With a stomach being pushed into her legs and a heart twisted in knots, Alex swallowed as she put her foot down, still refusing to face them. "Guys," she started solemnly. "Thanks, it means a lot, really. But I don't know. I just…" Her back slowly straightened as she lifted her gaze up towards the red horizon. "I just…" She breathed in, her mind made up. "I just can't trust myself."

Then, before anyone could move, Alex took the one step.


The End.

No I'm kidding, I'm kidding! A move of cowardice? Loyal protection? I guess it depends on how you look at it. But yes, if it is no obvious enough: Alex had just willing stepped off of the tallest possible location in the tree house community, which is pretty tall considering its at the top of an old tree.

I know this is pretty short, but hey, short chapters a little rare for me at the time. So here ya go, enjoy, wonder, tell me how heartless I am, ect. And please remember to:

REVIEW!!!