This is a pretty long chapter. I hope you like it! x
Warning: Mentions of abuse and violence.
''Would you like a cup of tea?'' Regina asked as Rose and she walked into the house
''Sure, I'm just going to grab something really quick.'' Rose said as she disappeared upstairs.
''Thank you.'' Rose said, accepting the cup of tea when she came back down again.
''You said you wanted to show me something.'' Regina said curious.
''Yeah.'' Rose said, placing a notebook on the kitchen table. Regina realised this was the one she'd seen Rose write in before.
''What's that?'' Regina asked.
''The reason you'll kick me out.'' Rose mumbled. She knew if Regina knew about her past she would think so much different of her. Regina would think she was damaged, broken even but Regina had to know about her past.
''What?'' Regina asked confused.
''Nothing, please read it.'' Rose said, grabbing her cup to walk out. Regina realised this was something big for the girl.
''Wait.'' Regina said, causing Rose to look around. ''Whatever this is, I love you.'' Regina told her.
''I love you too.'' Rose smiled and walked out. Regina grabbed the notebook and made her way over to the couch. She sat down with her cup of tea and opened the notebook.
Diary of Rose.
Regina read. She took a deep breath, turned the page and started reading.
November 29th.
I'm not sure what to write here. I've never written this sort of things down. I guess I should start by the fact that I have nightmares. They change from time to time but most of the times I have the same ones. It's always about this little girl. She looks like me only she's very young. She is sitting on the stairs and I can hear people yelling. At first I could never hear what they were arguing about but after I heard it a few times I realised they were arguing about the little girl on the stairs. They were saying she should go back, that they didn't have enough money and she wasn't worth being forced out of their house.
Dr. Scott asked me if these were memories but I asked mom and she said she had no idea where they came from. Neither do I. I have had a pretty good life, my mom has always been there for me whenever I needed her. I have no idea what it's like to go through something like that. I know mom does but I can't imagine dreaming about mom as a little girl. Neither does Dr. Scott. I have to go. I guess I'll write again tomorrow. I have no idea how to end these things..
Rose.
December 9th
I decided to write whenever I feel like it. I don't want to feel obligated to write everything down because I know I'll quit after week two. I dreamed about the girl again. She was now a little old but not that much. She was no longer in the house I saw her in the last time. She was in this big house with other children only it was really weird because their clothing and the landscape was nothing like I had ever seen before. It was like I was in one of those fairy-tale movies, you know? Only it didn't feel like it. I watched the little girl sitting on a chair, hugging a stuffed animal tightly. It felt like everything around us was moving so fast but the little girl didn't move an inch. No one even paid attention to her. Not until, what I guess was, bedtime. She was still staring at the blank spot in space only she seemed to see. They were yelling at her to move and get upstairs but she didn't seem to hear them. This big guy grabbed her by her arm harshly and I screamed to let her go but they didn't seem to hear me. It was like I wasn't there. I know I wasn't because it was a dream but at that moment it didn't feel like it. It just felt so real.
Dr. Scott is nicer than I thought. I'm slowly starting to trust him and I don't know how he managed to do that. Must be a therapist thing. Well I'm going to go.
Rose.
Regina realised this little girl was Rose. She texted Emma if she could take Henry to her parent's for the night. She told her not to worry and everything was fine but she needed some time with Rose. Regina sat took a deep breath and began reading again.
December 17th
I saw the same little girl in the same house with the other children. She woke up from the noises I suddenly heard too. A woman walked in and told all the kids to get dressed quickly. She looked around. All the children were panicking and screaming until an older boy walked in. ''They are here to take us away.'' he said before walking out again. I guess something like social services was there to take them away. Everyone was grabbing their stuff and walking out while the little girl was on her bed, hugging her stuffed animal. ''Please take me away.'' She kept mumbling while she rocked back and forth, hugging her knees. I sat down next to her on her bed but she didn't seem to notice me. That's the last thing I remember.
Rose.
December 21st
The holidays are just around the corner. My mom asked me what I wanted to do. To keep my mind off the dreams. I feel so bad for her because I know she wants to help but she can't, no one can. She may understand the little girl in my dreams but not me. I just want to know who that is and why I'm dreaming about her. Henry was so sweet today. When I got home there were self-made cookies on the kitchen table with a note saying 'I hope you feel better soon.'. I'm guessing mom told him I'm just not feeling well. I dreamt the same two dreams again, nothing really changed except for last night. Last night something changed. Suddenly I was no longer looking at the girl but I was the girl. It was so weird and scary. I really want to know who the girl is.
Rose.
January 3rd
The holidays are over and I guess I was so busy the past weeks I didn't have any nightmares. The first night without one was so weird. I actually slept so peacefully. I hadn't slept that good in forever. The New Year has started and so have the nightmares again. This time it was a different one. The girl was now older. She was no longer in the house I had last seen her. She was in this small village in the woods. She was walking around with the same stuffed animal in her hands. Everyone was looking at her but no one approached her. Not until this old lady saw her. She knelt down to the girl and started talking about her stuffed animal. She asked where her parents were but the girl told her she didn't have any. That was the only thing she said. The older woman grabbed her hand and they walked into this old house. It was warm but not too hot. It smelled like forest, a smell I quite like.
Dr. Scott said writing everything down might help and I guess it does, I mean I haven't had a nightmare for a few weeks. I know they won't go away all at once but this is a start.
Rose.
January 14th
I may have thought the nightmares were over but they're not I thought about it and I feel like I'm reliving this girl's life. I know it sounds crazy. This morning I woke up completely shocked. This was the first time I had seen the girl physically getting hurt. I mean she was hurt before by, what I guess were, her adoptive or foster parents but never physically. They would call her names, tell her she's worthless and everything but they never touched her, not like this.
The girl was about ten years old now. This man was standing in front of her, I guess this was her foster father. He was yelling at her, telling her that she always messed things up, that she could never do something right. The girl looked at him, scared. When he was done yelling he asked her to apologise but she didn't say anything. Before I knew it his hand connected with her cheek and she started crying. He told her to shut up but she couldn't help it. He hit her again and again. I wanted to walked over to him, scream at him but I couldn't move nor speak. I tried looking away but it was like I was frozen. I felt so helpless. The room was slowly fading and I woke up.
Dr. Scott told me this mostly happens when people suppress memories, they come back years later but mom promised me these weren't mine. Dr. Scott didn't really know what it could be but he says he knows how to treat it so that's a good thing.
Rose.
February 4th
I've finally given up on sleep. The nightmares have left me even more exhausted than not sleeping at all. They all keep replaying in my mind. I somehow feel connected to this girl. I feel like I know her. Something inside me feels guilty that I didn't protect her, keep her safe. I felt bad that she never felt loved or wanted. She only knew hatred. I honestly don't know how parents could give up such a sweet girl, how they could just leave her behind by these, well monsters I guess. I know I've said it so many times before but I really want to know who this girl is and if she even exists. I have no idea where to start and I really don't want to drag my mom into all of this.
Rose.
Regina held the diary in her hands, wiping tears from her face as they spilled from her eyes. She desperately wanted to put her arms around her daughter and tell that it would all be alright but she couldn't. Not yet. She still had half the diary to go, she just wasn't sure she could read more of it, not sure that her heart could take it but she knew for her daughter's sake as well as her own she had to read it.
February 26th
It's been a while but I can honestly say that I have only had two nightmares in the meantime. The same ones as I've had before. I know I have mom and Dr Scott but sometimes, like now, I just feel so lonely. I feel like I'm missing a part of me, I feel like I'm missing someone. It just doesn't make any sense, I'm not making any sense lately. Mom deserves so much more than a messed up daughter. Sometimes I wonder if it was just Henry if mom would be happier. I know mom wouldn't want me to leave but if she'd never known me her life would be so much better. I really hope no one will ever read this diary. If they do they must think I'm completely and utterly broken.
Rose.
April 19th
I skipped March and part of April because I felt like this diary wasn't helping at all. Writing everything down was just another way of reminding myself what I dreamt about but after I while of pushing it all down again I broke again. I thought I could deal with it but I guess I can't so I'm giving this another try.
Rose.
April 26th
I dreamt about the girl again. For the last month it has been the same dream. The same girl, the same age only this time she was walking around with a shirt with short sleeves and I could see bruises on her arms. She was forced out of her bed, grabbing her by her bruised arm but the girl stayed quiet. I thought she was so brave. I could see the pain written on her face but she never flinched. She was pushed downstairs towards the same man that hit her before. She was standing in front of him, looking down at her feet. He yelled at her, saying something about staying quiet when there were guests and he hit her. I, once again, couldn't move no matter how hard I tried. However I could speak and I yelled at the man to leave her alone but he didn't hear me. Everything faded once again and I woke up.
Rose.
May 10th
I can't believe how strong this girl is. She was much older now. About 14 or something. She wasn't living with the man she used to before but I could see the bruises hadn't faded so either she had just come here or someone in this house hit her too. In this case it was the last one. However this time it wasn't the man who hit her, it was the woman. She came into the girl's room telling her she had to 'entertain' her friend tonight for money. She told her it was the least she could do since the woman gave her a roof to live under. Mom woke me up so I have no idea what she had to do.
Rose.
May 21th
It was horrible. I found out what the girl had to do. She was being sold to men. Entertaining meant doing whatever the hell they wanted her to do. They forced her to strip and please them the way they wanted. I wish I could take her place. No fourteen year old girl should have to go through that. I can't believe how a mother could do that to her child even though this wasn't her daughter. It was awful. I could see she was trying to block it all out, waiting for it to be all over. The emptiness in her eyes is what scared me the most.
Rose.
June 4th
I was in the same room again. I found out this was the basement but it turned more into a bedroom as more men came by. The girl was mostly locked in here except when she had to eat. Men came by day after day, using her in a way I can't even begin to explain. She was now about 15, I think. This night was different, harder I guess. One of the men that came was very rough. The girl started to cry out from pain and he got angry. He started to beat her as he raped her, leaving her numb and crying behind. It was an awful sight. I wish I could have helped the girl but there was nothing I could do. I wanted to wrap my arms around her so badly. Tell her it would all be alright. But I couldn't.
Rose.
June 16th
When I told Dr. Scott about my nightmare from last night he was shocked. He asked me if I was reflecting what I felt onto the nightmares but I told him I'd never had any of these thoughts. I kind of regret telling him about the nightmare because I'm pretty sure he told mom and now mom keeps watching me carefully. I dreamt about the girl, we were at the same place as a few days ago. She was still on the ground but the woman came in and kicked her. The girl stood up and the woman told her she was going out for the night and that she had the night off. I could see the relieve in the girl's eyes but she didn't say anything. The woman left and after a few minutes the girl quietly walked upstairs after getting dressed again. She made her way over to the bathroom and found a bottle of pills. I had a feeling of what she was going to do but I knew I couldn't do anything but watch. She placed all the pills in her hands and I could see her hesitate before swallowing the pills down. She lay down, waiting for death to take her. That's when I woke up.
Rose.
June 21st
I think I might be the girl after al but I have no idea how. Mom promised me I couldn't be.
I was in a hospital. The girl slowly woke up. She wasn't dead. The woman was sitting next to her. She quietly, but angrily, asked the girl how she could be so stupid and if she thought it was really going to be that easy. The woman unhooked her from the machines and threw clothes her way before telling her to change. After a few minutes she snuck the girl out of the hospital. I closed my eyes for a second and when I opened them we were back at the house again. I could see her beating the girl with a belt. It had an X shaped buckle. She beat the girl and I remembered the x shaped scar on my back, next to all the others. Mom told me they were from a car accident we had been in but I can't remember that. I could see the girl was sitting there, staring in space. It was like she was disconnected from her own body. She didn't move an inch as the belt hit her skin. I'm still not sure if I should Dr. Scott about this.
Rose.
July 9th
Today I met this woman who is a mayor. She says I can interview her for my school project. She seems familiar but I can't place her. Anyways I have had the same three nightmares for the past weeks. I wonder if this was where her story ends.
Rose.
July 10th
I'm got to interview Regina for my school project today. It was really cool. The work she does looks very interesting. Also I didn't have a nightmare last night so I guess that's good. I-
I remember. All of it. I was writing and suddenly everything came back to me. I also remember the girl was me after all. It was so weird. All of a sudden I remembered again and I walked back to the kitchen. Regina was there, she broke the curse. I know I should be happy but I, somehow, am so angry. I know it selfish and stupid but she promised never to leave and then she did. I know she did it to protect her but after seventeen years I finally got her back and then I lost her again. I got into a fight with her and I just hope she'll forgive me. It was stupid, I was stupid. I said things I didn't mean. I called her evil when I know she's not. She's far from it and I hope she'll be able to forgive me.
Rose.
July 11th
This is the last time I'm writing in this diary. It has helped me so much this past year but I no longer need it, or so I hope. I decided to show Regina my diary when we get back from the party tonight so Regina: I hope you don't think I'm damaged after reading this but I won't blame you if you did. If you want me to leave I respect that. I love you, mom.
Rose.
Regina wiped the tears from her face and held the diary close. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself. She knew Rose was upstairs, probably just as nervous as Regina was. After a few minutes Regina gathered her courage and walked up the stairs. Taking a deep breath she opened the door to Rose's room.
TBC
