29. Sunday morning
Her first night at the new place has been a little restless. She definitely needs to start looking for drapes, because not only does it feel a little strange to know that people might be looking into her bedroom, but the daylight is too bright as well. It's a sunny January day but Olivia has managed to sleep in a little anyway. It's almost 9 when she drags herself out of bed and straight to the bathroom. Tater boy is pressing down hard on her bladder again so she only makes it just in time.
When she emerges from the bathroom, she wonders if Elliot is still sleeping. It must be great for him to finally be sleeping in a real bed again and she doesn't want to wake him. She walks into the kitchen and then she spots a note on the counter.
'Went to mass. Will be back soon with breakfast. El.'
Olivia pauses and stares at the note for a while. He went to mass? Is he feeling guilty about divorcing his wife? Does he feel like he's strayed from his faith and does he want to atone for his sins? She also wonders which church he would he go to. The one in Queens, where his family attends mass? Or would any Catholic church do?
She drinks a glass of orange juice, not wanting to spoil her appetite, because Elliot's note does say he's bringing breakfast. She doesn't know what time he's left but she guesses mass doesn't last much longer than an hour, so after a while she decides to make some coffee. She hasn't had a cup of coffee in months, ever since finding out about being pregnant, but she sometimes craves the smell. She sighs when the smell of fresh coffee fills the room, and tries to distract herself by reading some flyer Elliot brought home yesterday after his recon of the neighborhood. She remembers they were going to go shopping for lamps and wonders if there are flyers of home decoration stores too. Just then, she hears his key in the door, and she sits up, watching him come in.
"Hey."
"Hey. I brought breakfast," Elliot says with a wide grin, holding up a rather large paper bag.
Olivia smiles back automatically but she's mildly surprised that he's so cheerful. Somehow, she had expected him to come back from mass deep in thought. Maybe even somber. She stands up when Elliot walks into the kitchen, to see what he's brought. Elliot pulls out two plates and then takes two perfect croissants from the bag, that smell deliciously fresh. They must still be warm.
"And I've got real butter, nice and soft. And two kinds of jam. Strawberry and Blueberry. And some fresh fruits," he continues as he pulls out a small bag from the bigger bag, and starts draping grapes and berries on both plates. The jam comes in two small containers.
"This is amazing," Olivia says. "French breakfast?"
Elliot nods while he continues to create two beautiful plates with food.
"There's an extra croissant for tater boy," he tells her, tapping on the bag. "And I thought I'd boil two eggs with this to make it perfect."
"Wow. What are we celebrating?"
Elliot carries the two plates to the dinner table and Olivia follows him with the two small jars of jam and two knives.
"Life," he tells her, and when he turns to face her, his bright blue eyes beam at her.
"Why did you go to mass today?" Olivia asks him, staring up at him and still not quite understanding his mood.
Elliot reaches for her and places his hands on her upper arms gently.
"Because I have so much to be grateful for. The outcome of the hearing. My girls wanting to see me. This apartment. You."
The last word comes out almost as a whisper and she swears she sees some emotion in Elliot's eyes. It's so completely different from what she had expected that she needs a moment to process what he's saying. She had thought he was feeling guilty and that's the reason he wanted to go to church. Instead, he had gone because he was so grateful?
"El," she says softly but she is distracted when he starts rubbing her arms gently.
"I owe you a lot, Liv. I couldn't have done all of this without your help."
"Well, I kind of caused this mess too," she reasons, but Elliot starts shaking his head even before she's finished speaking.
"I thanked God for you as well as tater boy, Liv. You caused nothing. This whole situation has just made clear what was already there."
His thumbs are still gently caressing her arms and Olivia takes a deep breath. Somehow she feels like he is talking about more than just the state of his marriage being exposed.
"I'm just glad we can all stop pretending and start living our lives, acknowledging all the things that we've tried to deny, and act on them instead."
Olivia's head is bobbing as if she's agreeing with him but she doesn't have a clue what she should say in response to his words. They mean so much, could mean so much, and she doesn't know if she's ready for all of that. Elliot just smiles warmly at her and squeezes her arms once before releasing her.
"So, why don't we eat these croissants before they get cold?" he suggest. "You sit and I'll get us some juice and put two eggs on."
Olivia sits down at the dinner table and watches Elliot put two eggs in a pan of water on the stove and pour them each a glass of juice, and then he notices the coffee pot.
"Coffee?" he says, turning around and smirking at her.
"I miss it so much," she admits wistfully.
"One cup won't hurt, Liv. You want me to pour you one?"
"You think it'll be okay?" she asks hopefully.
"I think it'll be okay," Elliot responds confidently, and he's already grabbing two cups for them. "Did you know there's caffeine in a lot of tea and even in chocolate as well?" he continues.
She knew about the tea but not about the chocolate. Maybe that explains why tater boy is busier when she's having a chocolate binge.
She accepts the small cup of coffee and Elliot tells her to enjoy it consciously, because she's only getting one. He watches contently as she sips her coffee, drinking a little regularly and then setting the cup down while they eat their breakfast.
"This is perfect," she tells Elliot. "Best Sunday morning ever."
Elliot grins proudly.
"You're never going to want to live without me."
Olivia chuckles, trying to ignore the happy patter of her heart at his words.
"I should make sure you don't get sick of living with me then," she tells him.
The look in Elliot's eyes softens and he seems to be debating saying something. When he doesn't, and just sits back with his own coffee, she feels a little disappointed. She realizes she had expected a flirty answer and she's disappointed that she isn't getting it.
"What? No comeback?" she asks, secretly hoping he'll come up with another quip.
"Olivia Benson, are you fishing for a compliment?"
Busted.
She tries to seem dismissive when she shrugs and looks down at her plate, picking up the last of her grapes and popping it in her mouth.
"Of course not, Stabler. I know you won't admit that I'm the best roommate you could wish for."
"Well, maybe now you are. But you're bringing in another man soon. How am I supposed to deal with that? You two are going to keep me up all night."
His entire statement is laced with double entendre and Olivia can't help it that it makes her laugh out loud. Elliot chuckles too and their laughter lifts some of the tension she has been feeling. They stand up simultaneously to clean up and take their plates into the kitchen. Just when Olivia thinks their banter is over for now, Elliot moves closely behind her, his chest actually bumping against her shoulder blade when he says huskily,
"But you're right Liv. I can't think of a better roommate to keep me up all night."
Olivia freezes for a moment but then turns around slowly. She needs to tap into her badass vein for once and not let Elliot get to her so much. Elliot hasn't moved an inch so they are now literally chest to chest, and the kitchen counter is behind her so Olivia can't back up, even if she wanted to.
Elliot stares into her eyes while slowly reaching around her to put his plate on the counter. It's obvious that he's waiting for her to decide where this goes from here. She opens her mouth to say something but no sound comes out. Then Elliot starts talking, telling her softly,
"I did some thinking while I was in church."
"Oh?"
She hates how panicked she sounds. Elliot watches her face intently and then looks down, finding her left hand with his right hand.
"Like I said, Liv. I'm done pretending. Aren't you?"
She knows what he's asking and she's torn between pushing him away and pulling him in at last. They've only spent one night at their new place and he already has her backed up against the kitchen counter?
"El," she sighs, and she lifts her right hand to place it flat against his chest.
Elliot takes her gesture as a request for space and he moves back a few inches without letting go of her left hand.
"Last night you said we … we needed some time to adjust to these new living arrangements and find our bearings," she says, sounding more insecure than she had wanted.
Elliot nods and bites his lower lip.
"I know. And I meant it. It's just …"
He sighs and looks down at their joined hands. It seems he is now the one at a loss for words. Instantly, she wants to help him out and Olivia squeezes his hand, which makes him look back up at her.
"You understand, right?" he asks her and she knows he needs some kind of confirmation that they are on the same page.
But are they?
She stares into his eyes and she can see the exact moment when he interprets her hesitation as rejection. It propels her into action, possibly more out of panic than anything else. Her right hand moves down from his chest, wraps around his waist and pulls him in until her baby bump is squeezed between them. Elliot drops his head and Olivia presses her cheek against his, and doesn't let go of his hand until he lets go so he can wrap his arms around her.
They don't speak for a few long moments and Olivia can feel Elliot trembling as much as she is herself. They really are on the same page but she's still keeping the brakes on. She isn't sure why. Old reflexes maybe. But she doesn't want to hurt Elliot so she holds him tightly, hoping it will tell him what he needs to know right now. She feels Elliot tilt his head a little and when his lips skim the juncture between her shoulder and her neck, kissing her skin softly, she feels goosebumps forming all over the left side of her body. She is sure Elliot must be able to feel her heart pounding inside her chest.
"Let's just …" she begins, but her voice catches in her throat, so she tries again. "Let's just see how it goes this week, going back to work and settling in here."
She feels Elliot nod and when he rubs her back gently with his hands she feels her resolve weakening. It feels so good to be held and she trusts Elliot implicitly. Just when she wonders what would happen if she gives in to temptation, she feels Elliot straighten up and the moment passes.
"Alright. We'll do that," he agrees, but she can tell he's having difficulty reeling himself in.
It looks like his visit to church has affected him deeply and as a result, he wants to be close to her.
"Alright," she repeats but it doesn't sound convincing. Not even to herself.
Elliot forces a smile and Olivia squeezes his sides before they finally release each other.
"You said we'd go shopping for lamps," she reminds him, deliberately changing the subject.
"So I did."
"And I need drapes."
"Me too."
"We should take measurements of the windows."
"We should."
They both take a deep breath and Elliot takes a step back. Olivia suddenly feels a little colder and she moves away from the kitchen counter before she is tempted to touch her partner again.
"I have a measuring tape here somewhere," she mumbles, hurrying away from Elliot.
"I'll grab a chair but you're not climbing on it," Elliot says.
"I know, I know. Don't worry."
"Well, I'm just saying."
"You just don't fall off yourself, because I'm not catching you!"
"You say that now, but I know you'll gladly nurse me back to health."
"I'm pregnant Stabler. If you fall, you're on your own."
…
A/N: And that went on for a wile longer. You gotta love those kids! Review?
