This chapter was originally supposed to be fluffy and a nice break from all the angst.
27/4/1791
Jalin didn't like celebrating his birthday. He didn't want anything to do with the stupid date. Every year, when that day arrived, the people in the offices would wish him a Happy Birthday, not knowing what had happened to him all those years ago. But he never told them to stop because he didn't want to be rude.
But now he didn't work in the offices, and Alexander didn't know about his birthday, so he was safe.
Well, he thought he was safe until a letter landed on his lap. Jalin looked up to see Alexander hovering over him, "Happy Birthday, Jalin!" he said, all too cheerily.
Jalin stared back down at the words "HAPPY" and "BIRTHDAY" in Garrison's perfect handwriting. Against his own will, he felt his eyes well up with tears. I don't want my birthday celebrated.
"Thanks," he muttered, turning over onto his side so Alexander couldn't see his grim expression.
He heard the lawyer make his way to the kitchen bench, and take a bite of an apple. "So that Prosecutor was all types of creepy," he said with a full mouth. Jalin ignored him but he kept talking anyway. "He's a legilimens, so he was reading my mind and being super weird about it. His smile was so creepy. I couldn't tell if he was doing it on purpose or... anyway, I'm not looking forward to facing that guy in court but I'll have you so we should be good. Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday though?"
Jalin didn't want to open his mouth in the fear that he'd start bawling, so he remained silent.
He heard footsteps approaching him. "Jalin, if you don't want to talk, that's fine. But I want to make your birthday the best birthday you could possibly have, so what do you say we go to a nice restaurant? I'll pay."
The ex-lawyer clutched Garrison's letter tightly in his hand, yet to open it. He wanted to burn it but couldn't do that while Alexander was present.
"Come on Jalin. I know you're dealing with a lot of shit right now, and I probably will understand none of it because god knows what goes on in your head, but let me treat you today. I want to. We could order pancakes?"
Jalin sniffled. I love pancakes.
"Or, or, you know, if you don't want to do that we can go do something else. We can go down to the market and buy a bunch of stupid stuff for the hell of it. Or we can take a nice long walk until the sun sets, though that would be a very long walk. Work with me here."
When Jalin didn't respond, Alex huffed. The ex-lawyer felt the bed dip down as Alex sat on it. "Please talk to me," he said in a soft voice. "I can't help you if I don't know what's going on. I went through a depression after Laurens died, and I understand how you feel. What happened?"
You could never understand. Look at you, you're so happy. You have a family, happily married. Who do I have? No one. My whole family is dead. They're either dead, or they've left me. Everyone has left me. Eventually, you will too.
There was a loud huff then suddenly the covers were pulled off him, and he yelped.
"Right, get up, we're gonna do something whether you like it or not. You've been nothing but miserable this entire time and it's about time we changed that. Come on, up!"
Alexander pulled Jalin out of the bed which made his arm begin to ache. Then Alex proceeded to drag him away.
"Alexander! I don't want to go anywhere, just please-"
"Nope, come on, I've made up my mind. I think there's this really nice restaurant not far from here."
Jalin tugged on his arm in response, letting out an exasperated, yet somewhat panicked reply, "Alex — Alex, please,"
His plea fell on deaf ears, Alexander simply giving him a warning glance before reaching to open the apartment door.
"Alexander!" Jalin was shaking now, eyes wide as they gleamed with a sheen of tears, "Alexander!" His voice was higher, louder. In response, the addressed man turned to look at Jalin, ever so slightly irked.
"Jalin, please, I'm trying to do something for you!" He cried, his tone exasperated.
"I don't — I don't want you to! Leave me alone!"
"Jalin—"
The brown haired male ripped his forearm from the lawyers grasp, scrambling through the apartment till he leapt into the bed, covering his head with the sheets as he curled into a ball.
Something between a groan of agitation and a sigh sounded from Alexander, "Stop being so difficult. If you told me what was wrong, I could help you," he attempted to reason.
Underneath the sheets, Jalins face darkened; "Shut up. Leave me alone," he growled ever so stubbornly.
"Jalin, oh my God—" The lawyer cut himself off with yet another groan, "Y'know what? Come to me when you actually want help." Alexander lowered his tone to that barely audible, "Happy Birthday."
As the sound of Alexander's fading footsteps and the slam of the apartment door, Jalin poked his head out from under the bedsheets, his face still furrowed in a look of mixed anger and pure depression.
Despite his outer exterior, Jalin felt a hugely unwelcome hollowness in his stomach. Letting out a short growl, he tucked himself under the sheets again, hugging his knees close to his chest before closing his eyes in an attempt to calm himself.
Bastard! Alexander continuously screamed in his head, bastard, bastard, bastard!
But who is the real bastard? A voice sounding suspiciously similar to Burr mused.
I, of course, Alexander replied wordlessly, his soundless tone stubborn, but fucking hell, Jalin's being such a—
Such a what? The smirk on his nonexistent lips was plenty emphasised in his tone.
He isn't helping at all! He's probably got a shit ton of other shit going on, that's what therapists are for! He isn't accepting my offers of assistance and he's a bloody mess!
Alexander paused, halting in his tracks as he scanned his surroundings.
He didn't recognise those buildings.
Ah, shit.
Jalin stared at the roof, doing his best to hold back tears. To avoid panicking, he tapped his fingers continuously against the bed sheets. To avoid thinking about Alexander, he counted all the splotches on the wooden roof.
There's thirteen. That's an uneven number. He scrunched up his face in disgust.
Before he could grab his wand to just add one more splotch to the roof, someone was knocking on the door. If it were Alexander, he'd have waltzed straight in. So it was someone else.
"Who is it?" he yelled, quickly wiping his eyes.
"Your witness," the person replied.
Jefferson?
"Alexander isn't here at the moment."
"You're working with him though."
Touche.
Jalin stood to get the door. He opened and stared up at Jefferson.
"What do you need?"
"Well, I needed to talk to Hamilton, but seeing as I'm here and he's not I might as well just chat."
Jalin ran his hand through his hair, then tugged on the ribbon so it all came undone. It barely touched his shoulders.
He sighed. "Sure, come in." Jalin stepped aside and Jefferson walked in with his magenta - fuschia? - coat swishing at his feet.
"So," Jefferson began, "How did you and Hamilton meet?"
"I approached him in a bookstore and was promptly yelled at. Then later we were assigned to the same case, and we shared an office."
"Past-tense?"
"I was fired because I called him a 'son of a bitch'. I got mad."
Jefferson raised an eyebrow and smirked, amused. "You were fired? If you were working with Washington when you called him that you would have gotten off scot-free. Who was your boss?"
"Mr. Garrison. Honestly, he was one of the best bosses I ever had."
Jefferson sat down on the couch then crossed his legs. "But strict?"
"But strict."
The Virginian hummed. "Lovegood."
"Yes?"
"I've heard that name before. Lovegood. Wealthy, pureblood?"
Jalin nodded but remembered Jefferson was facing away from him and couldn't see his nod. "Yes."
"I think my father knew your mother. Euphemia, isn't it? How is she?"
Jalin hadn't heard his mother's name in years. He never talked about her. He hesitated.
"She, uh, she died. Many years back. I was seventeen."
There was a moment of silence.
"I am very sorry to hear that," Jefferson finally said, "She was a lovely woman."
Jalin couldn't quite yet understand why Alexander hated this man. He had his moments, yes, but was otherwise... just fine.
Jalin and Jefferson talked for a while. About Alexander, mostly, and how annoying the guy was. Eventually, Jefferson asked what their relationship was like.
Jalin had hesitated. "It's... I wouldn't say it's toxic. I know he genuinely cares about me, and I do care about him, but he's... I mean, the reason he's not here at the moment is because he got mad at me. It's my birthday, and-"
"Happy Birthday."
"No..."
Jefferson stared at Jalin pensively. "Not happy?"
"No..." Jalin repeated, "Not at all."
"Can I ask why?"
Alexander didn't ask why. Well, he did. But he was demanding. Jefferson, he... he's just curious.
Nonetheless, Jalin hesitated. Why should I tell him anything? This man that Alexander despises with every fiber of his being?
I can't just say it. I can't.
"My mother died the day before my birthday."
But he did say it.
"I found out the day of," he continued. His eyes stung with tears. He tried to keep his voice from shaking. "She had brain cancer. Nothing they could do, even with magic."
Jalin was staring at his feet, biting his lip so he wouldn't audibly cry. Not in front of Jefferson.
There were footsteps. They stopped in front of Jalin, and a hand landed on his shoulder. He flinched.
"Look at me," Jefferson drawled. Jalin reluctantly looked up at the Virginian. The man's deep brown eyes stared into his soul. "I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past. Your mother would want you to have a good, fulfilling life, would she not? Do not weep for her, as cold as that might sound. It is in the past. It happened, and you can't change something like that," his voice cracked as he said this, Jalin opted not to ask why. "They're gone, but they're watching over you. And they love you. And they want you to be happy."
Jalin stared at the dark hand on his shoulder. It was shaking, and gripping tightly. Jefferson's expression was pained. Has he lost someone too?
"But I miss her so much."
"And I miss my children. But we can't always have what we want, can we?"
Jalin's eyes widened. He lost his children?
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't be."
Jefferson took a step back then inhaled deeply. "I ought to get going before Hamilton comes back. You won't tell him about this."
"I won't."
"Good."
Without another word, Jefferson turned on his heel and left.
"I got fuckin', lost..."
Jalin jumped at the sound of Alexander's voice from the door. It had been about an hour since Jefferson left, and Jalin had been reading.
"It started raining too. Thankfully it didn't last long. But I mean, come on, stupid weather..."
The ex-lawyer tried to ignore Alex, to no avail.
"You're out of bed."
Jalin sighed. "I am," he mumbled. He closed his book and stared at the fireplace, contemplating.
What Jefferson had said earlier struck something in him. And the way he said it. The way his expression was angry, determined, but his eyes were full of sorrow.
Why am I still moping around? He was over her death, wasn't he? That's what he told Alexander. So I'm over her death. I have to be, it's been so long. I was seventeen. I'm... thirty-nine, now. You're nearly forty. Why are you still so sad?
From the corner of his eye, he spotted Celia's ghostly figure hanging behind Alexander, staring at him sorrowfully. And he knew what to do.
"Will you take me out to the market?" he asked.
"Okay, okay, okay, so, which flavour do you want?"
Jalin was almost regretting everything.
It had been about half-an-hour since he'd asked Alexander to take him out to the market, and now the man was non-stop jumping from store to store, and now Alex was offering Jalin some ice cream with a huge grin on his face.
"There's strawberry, and chocolate, and vanilla, and-"
"Plain vanilla is fine, thank you, Alexander."
"Pfft. Boring."
After their ice cream, they immediately jumped over to the next store. And the next. And the next.
"Alexander," Jalin eventually said, tiredly. "Alexander, it's getting late."
He wasn't having fun. Not at all. He just wanted to go back to the hotel and crash onto the bed. But Alexander wasn't finished yet, and Jalin couldn't possibly ruin his fun...
"Yeah I know but we haven't visited the jewellery store yet, or the jam store, or-"
So he was dragged to more stores. The sky was beginning to grow dark, and stores were beginning to close up. Jalin sighed.
"Alexander, the sun is setting." He feared the potion would begin to wear off soon.
Alex looked up at the sky. "So it is." Then a huge grin appeared on his face. "We should go to the beach."
"What?"
"We should go to the beach and watch the sunset!"
"Do I get a say in the matter?" Jalin said as Alexander began to speed-walk away.
The lawyer halted. He hung his head, thinking, then turned around and looked Jalin in the eye. The ex-lawyer shuffled his feet. "Of course you get a say, Jalin. Do you want to go to the beach with me? To watch the sunset?"
All Jalin really wanted to do was sleep. But Alexander looked so hopeful. His eyes were wide as though he were begging Jalin to please go with him.
How could he refuse that?
"Sure," Jalin forced a smile. It seemed he didn't really have a choice in the matter after all.
"Okay. So, the nearest beach is miles away, so..." Alex thought for a moment. "I can't apparate. Plus I've never been there so I couldn't apparate there anyway. Jalin, is there any chance that you've been there before?"
The nearest beach to Los Angeles was Dockweiler beach. His memory of it was vague, but he could picture a very faint image. He had been there once... with his father.
"I've been there," Jalin confirmed. But in his potion state, he wasn't sure he could apparate on his own, let alone have Alexander going side-along. However Alex had already grabbed his hand, and it would seem he didn't have a choice here, either.
Jalin was very thankful when the apparation went fine, and no one was splinched.
Alexander stared pensively at the sun setting below the horizon of waves. The light breeze made his hair dance in the wind.
He felt the presence of Jalin next to him, glaring ponderously at the sandy beach below.
"This place reminds me of my home back on St. Croix," Alex said, "Not gonna lie, I kind of miss it." When Jalin didn't reply the lawyer continued to talk. "I used to play in the water while my mother watched from the docks. I got really bad sunburn once and I wasn't allowed to go outside for a while, so I read every book in the house."
There was a pregnant pause. "After the hurricane hit though, I stopped going in the water. I haven't been in since. I don't even walk along the beach." Alex took a moment to think. "Would you... would you like to walk along the beach with me?"
Without glancing, Alexander could tell Jalin had turned to look at him.
"Wouldn't you rather share that moment with your wife?" he asked.
Eliza. Alexander's heart ached for her more than anything. And yet...
"No, I want to share it with you."
Jalin's breath hitched. There was a long moment of uncomfortable silence.
"If... if that's what you want, then I'll accompany you."
"What about what YOU want?!"
For the first time since they got there, Alexander turned to face Jalin, whose face was flushed red and brown eyes were brimmed with tears. Alex tried to ignore it.
"I want to know what you does it take to make you appreciate life just a bit more?! You've been nothing but miserable this entire time. I'm sick of it. I want you to be happy, and you won't let me help, you won't tell me anything! I know you're probably going through some really messed up shit but it could be so much easier for you if you only let me help! I don't fucking understand you, I never fucking will-"
"My mother died the day before my birthday and I found out the day of. I haven't celebrated my birthday in twenty-two years and I never plan to celebrate it again. I am not over her death. I cannot get over her death. No amount of help from you or anyone else will ever get me over her death. She was the only one keeping me from despair and when she was tkaen away from me like everyone else was I wanted to die. I still want to die. If you weren't here with me right now I would have jumped off this cliff. If I hadn't met you in that bookstore, if I had never approached you, I'd be dead. Because you've been the only one keeping me from ending everything. I've fallen in love with you and I can't fall out."
If it feels like I rushed it towards the end there, it's because I did lol
I really wanted to get this chapter out because it's been more than a month since the last :((
"Jalin sniffled. I love pancakes." ... that line isn't even funny but I think it's hilarious.
Yay, we now have a name for Jalin's mother! It totally isn't a Code Geass reference! What are you even talking about! What!
(spoiler alert: it totally is code geass reference)
"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past." - Thomas Jefferson, 1816
