Night fell, and still I couldn't sleep. A knock on my door interrupted me from trying. "Come in!" I called. The door squeaked open. I turned to see Sansa peeking through the door. "I said come in."
Sansa opened the door slowly and walked into the room. "I didn't want to intrude, were you sleeping?" I shook my head, and motioned for her to come sit next to me on the bed. The candle on the nightstand cast shadows on her face. "I've only been in here a few times," she noted. "I was never really welcome before."
I smiled. "You weren't missing much, just an old room. Doesn't have much personality anymore."
"I like these blankets," she said, running a hand over them. Ellaria had sent them in one of the chests from Dorne. They were thick with beautiful embroidered patterns that reminded me of the Water Gardens. I wondered if she had them made especially for me.
"Did you want to talk about something?" I asked.
"It's over," she said quietly. Her tone was calm and her face betrayed no emotion. "It's really over." I knew she meant Ramsay was finally dead. The sounds of his screams and the dogs barking had carried across the courtyard.
"How does it feel?" I asked after a moment.
"Good, I think." She looked down. "Does that make me an awful person?"
I reached out for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Of course not. After everything that monster did to you, you're allowed to take some joy in his death. He can't hurt you anymore, he can't hurt anyone."
"Do you want to kill the Freys for what they did to Robb?"
"I almost had a chance at Riverrun, I was so close to Lothar and Black Walder. I thought that there would be a perfect moment. I pictured them storming the castle, a huge fight. But then the Lannisters arrived." I shook my head. "One day House Frey will be reduced to the rats that they are, and I will be there to watch."
Sansa crawled forward, turning to put her back against the headboard. She laid her head on my shoulder. For a moment we just sat there in silence. I thought she had fallen asleep. "Robb was so in love with you," she whispered. "It was like something out of a storybook. He would have done anything for you. I was always jealous, I guess I still am."
"I loved him too." I closed my eyes for a moment, a sad smile on my lips. "I never got to tell him."
"You showed your affection in your own way. I'm sure he knew."
I shook my head. "I never let him in. He was so good to me, but I tried so hard to push him away. I thought that if I kept him at arm's length it would make things easier on us." I let out a breathy humorless laugh. "And the whole time he knew. His last words to me were about Jon. He always knew about us, but he never said anything."
"We all knew, except for father," Sansa told me with a shrug. "But no one could stand to break your heart, so we all kept quiet."
I shook my head, amazed that they'd let it go on for years. "Even Catelyn didn't stop me, and she hated Jon."
"You've spent years apart, and now he's just across the courtyard…" She trailed off. "Why aren't you with him?"
"I saw him at Castle Black, I wanted to legitimize him as Robb asked me to do. He said no, he'd rather stay at the wall." I shook my head. "I understand why, I do. But hearing that still hurt."
"So your plan is to avoid him until the next war council?" I shrugged. She leapt forward and turned to look at me. "Gods, Amina, I almost forgot how stubborn you were. Talk to him, at least. Do it for me." She gave me a push.
"This is my bed," I protested, but got up anyway.
Sansa stopped and frowned. "Would you mind terribly if I slept in here?" She asked. "It's just my old room was where-"
"Of course," I cut her off before she was forced to recount any terrible memories. "There are nightclothes in one of those chests if you want to change."
She nodded, her frown softening. This time she took my hand and squeezed. "Good luck."
"Sleep well, Sansa."
OoOoO
I dragged my feet as I walked and took the long way to Jon's room. It was late, but still people moved through the castle. They bowed their heads and addressed me as "your grace" or "my queen" as I walked by. It felt surreal.
Finally I reached Jon's door. It was the same room it had always been, still isolated from the rest of the castle, just like he'd been from the family. I knocked hesitantly. After a moment of silence I determined he must have already gone to sleep. Just as I was about to turn away, the door opened. Jon stood in the doorway looking bone weary, something I felt as well. But when he saw me his eyes lit up, and my stomach did somersaults. "Come in."
I walked slowly into the room, glancing around to see if anything had changed. Despite coming here a thousand times, it felt different. "How're you?"
"Tired." He laughed. "Clean now, felt nice to have a bath."
"You did look a terror before." I ran my fingers self-consciously through my hair, still tangled from rolling around in bed trying to sleep. "You should've seen me when I made it to King's Landing. I swear I had an entire tree in my hair! It's a wonder they let me in the keep. Margaery herself untangled the rats nest on my head." I realized suddenly that I was rambling and stopped. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. I'll let you get some sleep."
I turned toward the door. "Ami, wait." He grabbed my arm. "Please, stay." He glanced around the room. "I don't have a place to sit."
I shrugged. "The bed is fine." He let me go and we both walked over. I sat down and pulled my legs up to my chest. "I like the way you've been wearing your hair."
Jon touched the little bun. "I dunno, felt like a change I guess. Your hair looks amazing, I've never seen it this light."
I twisted a piece around my finger. "No more hiding." I laughed. "Six years and we're talking about our hair?"
"There are so many things I want to ask you, I don't know where to start. You have a twin, and a magic rock? And something about dragons, is that real?"
"It's a magic candle made out of rock, dragonglass to be specific. And yes the dragons are very real." He smiled. "And you've been beyond the wall! You have a whole army of Wildlings? Did you really fight a White Walker and live to tell the tale?"
"They prefer Free Folk," he corrected. I nodded once, eyes wide with excitement at the idea of people from beyond the wall living among us. "And yeah, a few actually. Dragonglass and Valyrian steel both get the job done, in case you're ever in that situation."
"I'll be sure to stab them with my candle," I said seriously. He burst into laughter, and then I was laughing too. We leaned toward each other in a fit of giggles, the sort of laughter that only came from exhaustion. Somehow I ended up lying with my head in his lap staring up at him.
Jon looked down at me, his face suddenly serious. "I've missed this." He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. He put the torn ribbon in my hand. "Somehow I held onto it through everything." I twisted it around my fingers. It was even more worn and frayed than mine. I used to wonder if he held onto it, if he twirled it around his fingers as often as I did with mine. It was clear he had.
I rolled over and pushed myself up, so I was sitting with my knees folded under me. I put my hands on either side of his face and leaned toward him. I hovered inches from him, still in awe that we'd managed to find each other again. He closed the distance between us, pressing his lips to mine. He put his hands on my hips and pulled me closer. I found the tie holding his hair back and pulled it out so I could run my fingers through his hair. "No Theon to interrupt this time," I murmured.
I tilted my head back as he placed kisses down my neck. My hands moved to the hem of his shirt, and gave it a tug. He pulled away from me just long enough to pull it over his head. I pushed him back on the bed and straddled him. My eyes fell on the scars across his chest, the stab wounds that had killed him. I ran my fingers across them.
I leaned down and kissed him again. His hands moved to my thighs where my nightgown was already hiked up. Jon ran his hands over my legs, before resting them on my hips. I sat up and pulled the slip over my head and tossed it to the ground.
He moved his fingers quickly and I looked down. On my side was a scar. It was still red as if it had only just healed. It took me a moment to realize what it was from. "I died," I whispered.
I took his hand and moved it up to my waist, not wanting to think about the battle any longer. I leaned back down to kiss him again, but he flipped me over so I was on my back next to him. He pressed kisses down my neck and to my collarbone and I laughed into his hair.
Once upon a time, a girl fell in love with a boy she shouldn't have looked twice at. That girl believed in true love and happy endings. Even when she pretended like those things were only in storybooks. I forgot that girl along the way. Too scared to watch another thing fall apart, I ran away from happiness instead. But I finally found the truth: happy endings do exist. You just have to fight for them.
OoOoO
"What are you writing?" Sansa asked, peering of my shoulder. I jumped and fell forward out of the windowsill I was perched in.
I closed my notebook with a snap. "I thought you were still asleep, I didn't want to go in and wake you."
"No, I've been up for a while." She smiled. "You never came back last night." She waited for details but I just shook my head with a smile.
"I need a new notebook, this one's full," I murmured. I'd crammed the last few lines onto the final page wanting to wrap up the story. I knew it wasn't the end, but if anyone ever read it I wanted to make sure it was satisfying. Hopefully the sequal would be just a thrilling.
"That one looks like it's about to fall apart."
"It is, I've been writing in it for almost five years." I flipped through it. "And some stuff before the war, but I took a break. It's not comprehensive by any means."
"Did you write about me?" She asked, reaching for it.
"A page or two," I told her, pulling the book away. "The first time I found you in the Godswood at the Red Keep."
"How about the other twelve times? We had some nice talks." She pretended to be offended. "Let me read."
"Absolutely not." I clutched it to my chest. We started laughing. We must have been a sight, two grown women playing tug of war with a notebook in the halls of Winterfell. "We're ridiculous." I looked out the window to the courtyard below. Jon walked out of the great hall. I watched him rub his forehead looking stressed. "I'll be back. I'm taking this with me."
"You can't carry it around forever," Sansa protested.
"Watch me!"
Jon had already gone up to the walk by the time I got down to the courtyard. I followed him up. "It's cold, you should come inside." He looked over at me. I could tell something was upsetting him. I turned to look out over the hillside. Far in the distance I saw a spot of red riding away over the snowy landscape. "Where's she going?" I tossed my notebook onto the ledge.
"Melisandre admitted to murdering Stannis Baratheon's daughter. She said it was a sacrifice to her God," he explained bitterly. "Doesn't that make him an evil God? What does that mean for me? Her God told her to bring me back."
I shook my head. "No, he didn't. She thinks the Lord of Light sent me as a vision in the flames. But, it was just a coincidence. I didn't know how to use the candle yet. I didn't mean to go to Castle Black. She knew my face, who I was, what I meant to you. She assumed the Lord sent me." The faintest part of me said there was no such thing as coincidence. If I appeared there, it was for a reason.
"She never told me that she saw you," he murmured.
"I believe that means you owe me your life now," I said with a smirk. "Isn't that how it works?"
He stepped toward me and put his hand on my waist. "It was already yours." Just as he leaned in to kiss me, someone behind us cleared their throat. I turned to see Sansa.
"Sorry, to interrupt," she said with a knowing smile. "We received a raven from the Citadel, a white raven. Winter is here."
I laughed. "It's about time, I've only been telling everyone that for years." Jon pulled me closer to him, as if he'd just realized I was right about it being cold.
"I'm preparing the Lord's chambers for you," he told Sansa.
"Mother and father's room?" She asked. "Shouldn't the two of you take it?"
"I'm not Lady Stark, not anymore," I told her. "You're the Lady of Winterfell. And besides, I just unpacked."
"And you won't be staying," she realized.
"Not forever."
Sadness washed over her face, but she pushed it away with a fake smile. "Well, good, the two of you were always such a nuisance. King's Landing deserves you." Jon and I looked at each other. Sansa shook her head, as if she'd seen this all coming for years.
"You aren't the Lady of Winterfell because Amina is abdicating," Jon told her. "You're the Lady because you deserve it. We're standing here because of you. The battle was lost until the Knights of the Vale rode in."
Sansa looked out over the wall for a moment. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about them," she said finally. I held out my hand to her. She took it and stepped toward us. I knew how it felt, to not know if you could trust those closest to you.
"We need to trust each other," Jon told her. "We can't be fighting a war among ourselves, we have so many enemies now."
Sansa's eyes flicked to my notebook on the sill. I shook my head, but reached for it, dropping her hand. I gave it to her. "Get me another notebook."
"I already put one in your room," she said. She flipped through the pages quickly. The frayed black ribbon slipped out. "What's this?" She asked, picking it up from the snow. Jon eyed it with a soft smile.
I sighed. "Just read the book." She smiled and turned around. As she went down the stairs, I saw her flip to the first page, unable to wait till she was back in her quarters.
"Can I read it when she's done?" Jon asked.
I looked up at him. "Never. There are some things you just don't tell boys." He started to speak, but I cut him off with a kiss. "Can we go in now? I've been south for so long, I've lost my thick skin."
He laughed. "You better not be going soft on me, Ami."
I scoffed, offended. "Never mind, I have a better idea. Let's play a game. Archery, knife throwing, and sword fighting, best two out of three." I led him down the stairs to our favorite spot in the courtyard.
"It'll come down to archery, it always does."
I raised an eyebrow. "It's been six years, you never know. I might have a few new tricks up my sleeve."
"I'll take that bet." He laughed.
"Oh, the Night's Watch made you cocky, hmm? Say your prayers, Snow." I picked up a sword and sized him up. "Come and get me."
