Guess who's back…? Dun dun dun dun!
No, it's not Jaws, or Kisame for that matter. It's me! Miragechick2! Remember?
Yeah it's been a while… I've had stuff and more crap, and even some more things to do. Yep. That's my excuse. But really, I just want to take the time to say… Fuck you, school system! I'm out of here, bitch! (Hidan's words in my mouth)
Alright so here are the comments! (Oh how I miss you guys!) :3
- XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX (chap.28): I. Love. Kisame. Hoshigaki. He's got to me my fav as well, but Kakuzu's pulling in to save her girl! Haha, thanks a million for that last comment! (I'm getting there!) :D
- Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.29): Bhaha, I can just imagine them on an adventure together (XD) And Hidan… well, this is called the torture story after all…! :P
-I love creepy things (chap.29): First off. Your name. It's amazing! And two… really? I didn't know that! Haha thanks for reviewing!
-GEMfaerie (chap.29): I know. You have to go with Sai… he's utterly gay and he's proud of it! XD
-Kakashi Forever (chap.29): That's right! Use Sasuke's emo corner! Bhaha, poor Hidan id kinda right… but I mean come on. The guy is immortal. But still… bhahaha! :D
-AnimeStoryLover (chap.29): Thanks so much for reviewing! And to add, there shall be more deer-a-palooza coming soon!
-ErinEhmazing (chap.29): I hoped someone would love that cruel humor! But yes, haha, I love Sasori-no-danna so much I cuase him the most amount of torture… a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do… and it's alright! Take ya time! :P
-CaribbeanTrinidadian (chap.29): Of course! Hehe, and thanks for coming aboard the train of Akatsuki torture commentees! Much appreciated! And by the way… you're my 200th commenter! (Throws a bunch of cyber cookies at you and hugs you)
-alyssaangel15 (overall): Yay more reviews! Um, yes, and I would have to say that the Tobi/ Single Ladies dance was my favorite one to write, personally! XD And uh oh! Haley's in a love triangle! And with Konan, she's kinda quiet, but when she talks, it's just… hellishly funny at the end. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you read more!
Good! Those are done! And to mention… I got 200 comments! (dances around in joy) I would like the thank you all soooo freaking much for supporting this story, and giving so many great and wonderful comments!
So here you go, after A MONTH now, we have our most suspenseful chappie eva! Press the play button!
So we all came back to the main place, or the meeting place with the fire-pit, and I met Kakuzu and Kisame there, again, bitching about my bitchiness. Great. There's a conversation. 'Oh! Let's talk about how much Haley is being a brat about who she chooses?' 'Oh, yeah! And we can also say how oblivious I am for not choosing Casey and not the blonde girl, because I'm SOOOO attracted to blondes!' Stubborn assholes. Well, I can't blame 'em. I'm just so darn adorable.
So we met up with Leader of the Losers, and he was just as pissed as ever. He even had the diva thing going on, with his arms crossed and the lip out. Geez, Princess.
"Alright, let's start immediately. We have everyone present except for… oh blessed me." He scanned the crowd with the buggars, and nothing was clearly right for Captain Buggars and his problems. I liked how he used 'blessed me' instead of 'blessed god'. What an ego on that guy… it's almost on a whole new level, a level that one can be reached by one person. And that person would have to be Dei-Dei.
Speaking of, Pein didn't see him in the crowd. "Where are Sasori and Deidara?"
"The hell should I know, Gingie," I recalled, grinning in fond memories, "I remember Sasori being put together by his boyfriend and that boyfriend's girlfriend, but it was pretty perverted... but I haven't seen them in a few." I chuckled from the scenes of Sasori blushing on Deidara touching his little Pinocchio butt. That was a sight to see. Two wooden moons.
"Well, great," Magneto replied, rubbing his temples, "That's great news."
Like magic, there were Princess Blonde, Justice, blinding everyone with her teeth, and Sasori… with his parts all rearranged. Well, everything was in order, except for the fact that his butt was seen in the front and not the backend. Great, a full view. "Someone…. Get me a cloak. NOW."
A few snickers were heard from the back rows and progressed to the front, Sasori-no-dignity had grabbed a cloak in Konan's hand, put it on, and then, being the redhead snoot that he is, flipped 180 to face the back and proceeded sitting with the others. But he wore the cloak so that the midsection would show with the legs… and there was full puppet butt in the front. Wow! I knew he had no balls! Heh. Sasori-no-nuts.
He sat down, glaring at Justice, who I KNEW for a fact had done that. Nice one, Justice! I gave her thumbs up and chuckled, feeling better about the whole situation. She grinned happily like a real Tobi, and cuddled up to Deidara, whom I saw was caught in the irresistible gaze of Sasori's front ass.
"MOVING ON!" Pein continued, sweating and was very awkward about this, "Um… Hidan..."
"…GODDAMNIT! HERE!"
We all turned to the direction of Hidan's voice of reason, and he was hopping to us, on one head, decapitated. Kakuzu snickered darkly beside me. "Oh, I love when that happens. He's more of a pain though…"
"Deer again, Hidan?"
"SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. BITCH."
"Ouch, harsh," I commented, rolling my eyes in desperation, "I thought you had, ya know, a body?"
He hobbled over, or at least, trying to make an attempt. "Well, I WOULD, if that bitch Casey and her pack of deer dicks trampled the living shit outa me… and then she got her gay-ass friend free. Good riddance, I say, he tried to hit on me. Pansy ass."
Pein twitched. "So… SHE LOST OUR CAPTIVE?"
Then as soon as the words came dripping out of his mouth (get it?), Casey, with a crown on her head, burst in with her collection of warrior deer, and hopped off. "Thanks Butterscotch! Here's a twenty. Take care!" As soon as the deer went off with the money, Casey looked blankly at all of us. "So what's up? Leader, you look godly as usual, Kisame, hot and buff as ever, and… Sasori? Nice look." She sat down casually, and about everyone except for Kisame, Justice and I were going to blow up in fury. "What?"
"YOU JUST RELEASED A PRISONER?"
"Well, yeah!" she explained, claiming her point to Pein, who was looking majorly depressed right now, "Sai was nice to me, and said that he would throne me Queen of the Deer-Riders if I let him go. So…! That's how I got this crown!" She removed it from her light brown head, and shown that it was Sai's, from the drawn black ink. Then she smiled devilishly as she put on top again.
"I hate all of you except for Konan," Leader murmured, but changed into his Leader's voice of godliness, with the buggars out again. "And you three girls… you are all in such deep trouble. First you make Itachi blind, then you twist Sasori's… 'behind'… the wrong way, and then you decapitate Hidan with deer! Oh dear me, you will be on all of your knees, begging for mercy from consequences."
He did it again. 'Oh dear me'. You might as well call yourself Deidara of Iwagakure and put your hair up in a diva ponytail.
"So this is settled. Since the prisoner had 'escaped', we need an alternative route to find the kyuubi. So either we need to torture you girls into submission, or we travel… AGAIN."
"WE'RE NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING!"
"Then we have no choice."
Oh shit, this isn't going to go well. Next to me, Kisame and Kakuzu, my two quarrelling soap opera lovers, had grabbed my arms as well as Justice's for Deidara and Sasori, whom both smiled evilly. They lifted us up as Casey was astonished by the betrayal of our members. "Help! HELP!"
Casey, sitting next to Itachi, had gotten up quickly, and Itachi, with his incapability to properly see, had attempted to grab her, but failed entirely and tripped on his own feet. Tobi/ Madara, who was acting hopelessly confused, had chased goofily after Casey, whom had run off into the deeper woods.
"NO! CASEY! DON'T LET HIM GET YOU! HE'S EVIL!"
"RUN CASEY RUN!" I screamed desperately, trying to wiggle my way through. Hey! Two worm arms! I'm getting there… slowly and shortly. "Guys, I thought we had a deal! I don't care about your little drama problems… I love you both! I just don't know who to choose!"
No response. Thanks, you assholes. Then, and chop came upon my neck, and everything turned as black as Itachi's failed vision.
. . .
I woke up, I think a few minutes later, tied up to a tree. Yay. Way to start off the day.
"Haley, you up?" The person beside me was Justice, yawning and stretching her arms from the bond of the rape tape. Oh god. Not the pink rape tape… Deidara and Sasori got into this too.
"Yeah… what the hell happened? I thought we were on their side! I mean, Deidara grabbed you, and I don't think I heard him talk!"
"He didn't either! I didn't hear Kakuzu-kun or Kisame-kun! You think something happened?"
"Well hell yeah!" I shook the tree, trying to squiggle my way out. Yes. Squiggle. Look it up. It's there in the dictionary. Well, I call the dictionary the dic. Heh. But let's move on from my perverted brain and ADHD, even though it could be entertaining. "I have a fishy feeling, and it's not Kisame this time."
"Hello girls."
I gave the ultimate stare-down. "Madara Uchiha. It's nice to see you again. NOT!"
The King of the Sharingan entered the dark woods with a hard look to his eye, and laughed despicably under his mask. I struggled while Justice kicked to be set free. "So… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?"
Madara was being a drag queen, or in this case, a stereotypical villain who gives away the plot and the plan before getting his ass kicked by the good guys. "Well, it was easy, even for your little girls who don't understand anything in our more superior universe. We need the kyuubi's location. And to obtain that, we needed to capture you in some way, so I decided to play the Sharingan game. Each member was manipulated by me and me personally to capture you, even with your lovers standing right next to you. So it was plain as day to capture you both from there."
"Well, I'm impressed, Madara Uchiha," I swallowed, gulping down my words, "I would applaud, but my hands are kinda stuck! So… what do you plan on doing to us?"
"Well…" Here goes the notorious Cinna-bum and his special plans. "…I plan to follow with the original plan and hypnotize the both of you… we need a few slaves around here… and then destroy you both when we finally capture and obtain the kyuubi."
"And then you get all of the power, money, land, and girls you want."
"Exactly." Wow, what a pig. I'm ashamed of the Uchiha roots. I wonder if Sasuke will end up this way. Except for the part about women… only Naruto would show up, ready to be in Sasuke's arms… but I'll save the yaoi for another time. "Well, whatever. Time to become my slaves, girls!"
He directed his glare to Justice, who was too late to close here eyes, but she continued to stare, her eyelids now becoming heavy and fixed, and her posture was straightened. "NO! JUSTICE!"
"And now you… Haley van Peterson…"
"WAIT! WAIT! I KNOW WHERE THE KYUUBI IS!"
Madara paused. "Do you now, after all this time?"
I nodded, still cringing my eyes closed. "Uh huh!" Since my mind was kinda in the loop, with the hamster on the wheel running big time, and my heart stammering out of my ribcage, I thought of the dumbest idea yet. "It's… you have to find the cube…"
"What cube?"
"That cube… the cube of Rubik!" There it just all came out. In one little idea composed of a 50's fad that's impossible to solve.
"What's this… cube of Rubik?"
I opened my eyes finally, and he deactivated his Sharingan, but Justice was still drooling on the tree. Typical Might Guy behavior. Even when not conscious they always act like the same comedic person. "Well, it's a cube only found in one location on the US. It'll lead us right to the kyuubi… just… don't kill us!" I pretended to cringe again, and Madara bought all of that shit, eating it up for breakfast. A big heaping bowl of bullshit, ready to go. "Hm, well, tell me where it is!"
"In Las Vegas!"
He stiffened a bit, and I really wanted to laugh in his face right now, for just acting this way. He mused, scratching his mask like it was really a part of his face. "Hm. Good. I'm satisfied that you tell me this. You and your friend will go… but only on the condition that you are right." He snapped his gloved fingers like Beyonce in Single Ladies (ah, good times… bah! I miss Tobi and his dancing!) and Justice woke up mentally, blinking rapidly and turning her head. "Holy flippin' waffles! Oh! Hi Haley! Hi Tobi!"
"You both may go. But just be certain that you are right, Haley van Peterson, and that this Cube of Rubik can lead us to the kyuubi."
The ropes undid themselves as he left the room, wiggling and squirming like snakes on the ground. He could be freaking Pedo-Snake with that move and kidnapping little innocent children like that. Justice turned to me in shock and a smile.
"YOU ACTUALLY TOLD HIM THAT? Haley-sama, I love ya!"
She caught me into a Justice sandwich, and gripped me so tightly that my bone mass shrank. I tried to breath for air, and she let go. "Well, hopefully this plan works and we're still alive by the end… by the way, where the hell is Casey?"
Oh shit! Where the hell is she…?
. . .
Casey's Point of View (For Once!)
Well, this is going well. I think Butterscotch and I lost that Masked Freak a while ago. Hopefully Haley-Senpai and Justice are alright…
Oh well. I'll catch up with them later. Right now, though…
"Onward to Vegas, Butterscotch! I'll owe ya a Benjamin on the way over so that you guys can stop for some high class McDonalds! Yeehawh!"
So we all galloped into the distance with my Sai-made crown and my army of deer. Time to go win the lotto.
