A/N: The epilogue is finally here. Sorry this took so long. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this. I love you all. And stuff.
Until next time.
Anna's been on red alert for four weeks now. Everything and everyone is a potential danger. And she can't sit still. She can't think straight. She's been tracking little charts and just.
It'd be easier for her if she hadn't told everyone when it's supposed to be happening. Because now they keep asking about it, and they want to know. Her cousins are calling and her Father's all of sudden like crazy interested in her personal life. And she's started getting gifts. It's too early for gifts. And maybe she shouldn't have read What to Expect When You're Expecting.
That's it. She can't take it anymore. Anna picks up her phone and dials Elsa for the sixth time today. It's only lunch time. "Elsa, where are you?"
"I'm in my office. I'm at my desk. Why? What's wrong?"
Anna lets out a sigh of relief. "Nothing. Uhhh, so you know anything about the baby yet?"
Elsa's silent for a few seconds, then she lets out a breath. "Just went to the restroom, Anna. It makes two weeks exactly, today. Are you going to keep calling me all day?" She sounds stressed. She's probably as anxious as Anna. She pauses, but not long enough for Anna to answer. "Never mind. I don't want to know. Get back to work, hun."
Elsa hangs up and Anna's only slightly annoyed by that. Like, she didn't really get the chance to ask Elsa how her day's going or if she's stressed or needs to take some time away to breathe, because college kids can be a lot to handle sometimes. And even though Elsa's found out that she actually has a knack for teaching when she's comfortable with herself and not attracted to her students, Anna knows how she used to cry at lunch.
It's overwhelming. All of this is overwhelming and Anna can't handle it. She wants to step out of her office but she knows her father will see her and then he'll want to know about his grandchild. His grandchild might not even be a thing. And Anna's all for family bonding, but he's never been this excited about anything, and it's kind of… weird.
It makes her want to say something crazy to him. Because every now and then she feels this unnecessary sass bubbling deep in her gut or low in her throat, but she swallows it down because she's a woman now and she can't do or say the things she did and said when she was a girl. But, this is making it hard for her to control herself.
She just wants her baby to be okay. She just wants her baby to be there. She wants the test to be positive. It's not such a bad thing.
It's funny because she thought Elsa would be the one freaking out and talking about buying a sensible car or having very tame, polite sex, or only eating certain things and never, ever leaving the house at night. And the baby's not even there but she's been binge reading internet articles like crazy.
This is it. This is the end of Anna's life.
She's going to have a heart attack at the age of twenty-four. Before she can even… rent a car, or… well, officially say she's too old to be on her parents' health insurance or something.
She doesn't know who to turn to. She's so on edge today that she can't even begin to think about being productive at work.
The baby wasn't even her idea. It was Elsa's.
Not that Anna is opposed to starting a family with kids and all that, she just didn't… doesn't know if she's quite ready for it yet. When Elsa first brought it up, it sort of escalated rather quickly into one of the bigger fights they've had… ever.
At some point Elsa kind of got the idea that Anna was arguing that she wouldn't be fit to carry the baby. That she couldn't do it or something. And she found that pretty offensive and she snapped at Anna and called her reckless.
And Anna sometimes doesn't know when to back down, so pretty soon she was yelling, "Well, I'm not the one who's constantly having panic attacks or ending up in the hospital."
Elsa's pretty shitty in arguments, so it took her a minute to respond, but she finally said, "No, you're just the reason that I'm constantly having panic attacks and ending up in the hospital."
At that, Anna took a step forward, but Elsa took one back and Anna lifted a gentle hand. "I'm sorry, Els. But, I don't know where this is coming from. You're just springing this on me."
"Fine. I'll just drop it, alright?"
But it wasn't alright. It wasn't alright when Elsa slept on the other side of the bed. It wasn't alright when for two weeks she'd only text Anna if it was absolutely necessary. And it wasn't alright when Elsa wouldn't even sit by her during dinner with the family.
So, finally, Anna jumped on the baby train and she finally went along with the whole idea, but she kind of wasn't expecting the anxiety that comes along with having everything she cares about the most in this world bundled up in one package. Because now her wife and her future could be all kind of one thing and she doesn't know what to do with these nerves.
So, she calls Elsa again. "Els… don't hang up this time."
"Okay, I won't. But, I have office hours in fifteen minutes. So, I'll have to go then."
"That's fine. I just…" She pauses and finally prepares herself to say whats been on her mind. "I didn't want a baby, and now I do. And I want to keep talking about it, but I keep reading these things and so much stuff can go wrong and I don't want it to, and I feel like if I keep talking about how happy I am like I'll jinx it or something… and I just want everything to be okay."
"I'm scared too, Anna."
And that calms Anna because at least now she's not crazy. "So, what do we do?"
Elsa lets out this little laugh and it's so cute and it makes Anna smile all goofy like. "We can't just stop living, Anna. We're doing all that we can. Anything that happens will be out of our hands, so we just hope for the best, okay?"
This is what Anna loves about Elsa. What she loves about their relationship. One moment she's telling the platinum blonde that it's okay to not like her Mother-in-law, and the next moment Elsa's telling her it's okay to be afraid about their baby… potential baby. It's like an equal-footing relationship and it's not what blogs and past teachers and society predicted about weird teacher-student power dynamics because six years later their relationship is happy and healthy and theirs. Not anyone else's.
"You're right. We just have to stay positive. How was class today?"
Elsa's voice is noticeably more relaxed when she starts speaking about the switched topic. "It was pretty great, actually. The students are really catching on to this stuff. And it's fun seeing those little light bulbs go off. I'll never get tired of that."
"Sounds to me like high school just wasn't your thing," Anna laughs.
"Yeah, there's definitely a lack of light bulbs there. Or maybe I just wasn't a good enough teacher."
Anna shrugs, leans back in her desk chair. "You're the best teacher I've ever had."
Elsa laughs and then she takes in a breath. "I think that just proves my point even more. I have to start preparing for office hours, Anna. You think you'll be okay?"
"Yeah, Els. Okay… uhhh, you'll tell me when you know, right? When you get the results?"
"Mhm."
"And if it's… if… well, you know. Then, you don't have to call or anything. We can just talk about it when we get home, okay?"
Elsa's silent for a few seconds. Anna knows she doesn't want to think about that option, but finally, "Mhm."
Anna hangs up and for fifteen minutes she sits by her phone. But, Elsa doesn't call. And the waiting game is pretty nerve wrecking, so Anna finally ventures out of her office. She tells her secretary if any calls from Elsa come in, to take down the message and tell it to her as soon as she gets back.
As predicted, her father comes out as soon as he sees her out of her office and he tries to talk to her. It's a little stiff. "Hey Dad. Just don't ask, okay? Not today."
"I wasn't going to," he assures. "I was just going to ask if you're prepared for your client meeting. It's in fifteen minutes."
Shit. Anna's forgot all about that with the baby craze and everything. And she's not as prepared as she wants to be, but she's prepared enough. "Yeah, I'm all set."
Thankfully it's just a check-in and the client wants to make sure his money is still fine and dandy so Anna spends an hour and a half going over charts and graphs and plans and whatnot trying to convince him, and once that's over she gets sucked into this board meeting and that goes for another two hours and she really just wants to get back to her phone or her secretary because Elsa's probably called by now and she's the shit wife who wasn't by her phone when she said she'd be.
Finally, after the longest meeting in history because everyone had something to freaking say, Anna makes it back to her office. Only she has no calls. And no messages.
But, that's normal. Has to be. Maybe the test just isn't ready yet or something. Elsa said she'd call when it came back, unless.
Wow.
Now Anna kind of wishes she had something else to do to pass the time because it's excruciating knowing that the result probably came in a while ago. And Elsa hasn't called. Which means one thing. Can only mean one thing, and Anna doesn't want to think about that.
They can try again. They can always try again.
It's just. She's kind of really excited for this time. She was hoping that this would be it. This would be the take. She was hoping she wouldn't have to board this roller-coaster of did it work this time or did it not. She's read about those couples. She's read about the tears that come along with that. She's not ready for it. More importantly, Elsa's not ready for it. Elsa wants this so bad.
Anna struggles with not crying for the next hour before work ends and she wonders how Elsa's feeling right now, because it's probably not good. It's definitely probably worse on her end with her being the one with.
Yeah.
That's what she has to focus on. Anna has to figure out how to make this as easy as possible for Elsa. She knows she can't fully take away the pain of knowing it didn't work. But, she can at least hope to lessen it. Be the positive one. She's always the positive one. Always telling Elsa that things will get better. She's good at that, and she's going to be the best she's ever been, tonight. Because that's what Elsa needs right now. She needs a good shoulder to lean on.
When work's finally over Anna heads out as quick as possible so she doesn't attract too many people to her because she can't talk now.
Then she gets in her car and she heads to her and Elsa's favorite pastry shop. The one with the little lemon cakes that Elsa loves, and she almost doesn't make it before closing, but the owner knows her so he lets her in and she orders every one they still have left over from the day. She contemplates getting a bottle of wine, but that'd be too insulting. Just the act of reminding Elsa that she can drink. Because she's not pregnant.
Anna sucks in a breath as she leaves the shop and goes back to her car with her bag full of lemon cakes. She doesn't want to dwell on this anymore.
She wants this night to be over.
She wants this day to be over. She wants Elsa to be happy and it's killing her knowing that Elsa is sad and alone every second that she's away. So, she tries to get home as fast and as safely as possible. Only, there's traffic. And Elsa still hasn't called. At this point Anna's late getting home. Elsa would have called anyway, to check in.
But, she hasn't.
Anna wonders if she should just pick up the phone and call Elsa. But she told her wife they could just talk when she got home. She decides she'll hold to that. She'll wait out the traffic and then go home and be Elsa's big spoon as she cries and eats the lemon cakes and she hopes that will be enough, because that's all she has.
When the traffic finally starts to move, Anna kind of finds herself wishing that it didn't. She's not that ready to go home and face this. But now home is ten minutes away. Ten very small minutes.
There's this dread feeling kind of sitting on the surface inside of her. It's just an overall feeling of bad and it's sort of like the news hasn't really hit her yet. Like, she's not letting it hit her. Not until she's sure Elsa is okay. Not until everything is fine with her wife. After she's sure of that… that's when she thinks it will finally hit her. And once Elsa's taken care of, she'll be good to deal with her own pain in her own way.
She can't really figure out why this is such a big deal. It wasn't even a thing. It was an almost thing. Her and Elsa knew there was a chance that—
Anna makes it home.
She sits in the car for a few seconds before getting out. When she gets to the front door she takes her time turning the key. When she opens it, Elsa's looking through mail in the living room. She doesn't look as sad as Anna thought she would. Maybe this is a good sign.
Elsa looks up. "Hey, Anna. I just got in five minutes ago." She puts down the mail and takes a step toward Anna. "I'm so sorry."
Anna shuts the front door and shrugs off her jacket. "Don't be sorry, Els. It's not your fault."
"No," Elsa says, her face sinking. She walks even closer to Anna and places a hand on her arm. "I mean, I just. I didn't want to—"
"Els, it's okay," Anna breathes. She's not ready for this. Wasn't prepared for the idea that Elsa might blame herself. And it's kind of breaking her. "I brought home some of those cakes you like."
Elsa runs a hand through her hair, takes in a deep breath. "Anna… I—" she pauses and lets the breath out. "I had a random flux in office hour visits because we have this big project coming up and I left my phone on and it died and I didn't get the chance to call you and then office hours ran over and I'm so, so, so sorry," she says, all in one breath.
Anna knows what she's saying, but just to be sure. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying we're having a baby," Elsa exclaims as a smile spreads across her face.
Anna drops her bag and a tear falls. And she doesn't know if it's joy or… well, who cares at this point because she's having a freaking baby. She wraps her arms around Elsa and shoves her face into the older woman's hair. "I was so scared, and worried. I just wanted you to be okay."
"I know," Elsa whispers, running a hand over Anna's back. "I'm so sorry about that."
"It's okay. Don't apologize. I'm just so happy. It doesn't matter. Oh God. I don't… Lets just not talk about that, and only think about the fact that I have a bag full of lemon cake and you have a tummy full of baby. "
Elsa starts to laugh a bit and she pulls back and places a kiss to Anna's lips, holding her own there for a moment before lifting her head. "I can't imagine starting a family with anyone else."
"Well, I sure hope not," Anna laughs. And it's kind of a tension releasing laugh because she's been so nervous for the past few hours. "That'd be kind of awkward."
"Yeah," Elsa says, laughing some more, and then they're both just giggling like a couple of kids and before they know it they're sitting on the floor and eating lemon cakes and discussing baby names.
Anna figures out that she really likes Sophia for a girl and so does Elsa, or maybe Annabelle because that's as close to Anna Jr. as Elsa will get. And they both think that if it's a boy that they could maybe name it after Anna's father but they don't think about that too much because Elsa really feels like it's a girl even though she's only been officially pregnant for a few hours. But, Anna read somewhere that the mother is always right like fifty percent of the time and Elsa points out that she only has a fifty percent chance of getting it wrong and they both laugh at that.
They go on to brag and talk about nothing but babies for the next nine months and they register for baby shower gifts and take parenting classes and child proof the house and buy every little crazy thing that first time parents buy. And it's one of those happily ever after type deals.
At least until Anna sees the baby crowning in the delivery room and it forever changes her life.
— X —
The (Official) End
