Backfire

Chapter Twenty Nine

Harry didn't even take his jacket off before he poured himself a large,a very large single malt which he necked straight down. Pausing only to pick up the bottle he flung himself into his favourite chair and attempted to work out where things had gone so bloody wrong!

The cinema had been a delight, they'd fought like children over the sweets and popcorn. Ruth protesting in a hushed whisper when he'd made a great show of popping the last dolly mixture in his mouth and then laughing into her hand when he'd stuck his tongue out at her in triumph! He'd acted like a bloody school boy for Christ's sake and he'd loved it. She made him feel cleaner than he could ever remember in all his adult life, it was a though she could see that there was still some good in him however deeply it was buried.

During the meal he'd shared with her the fact that he'd seen the film before, had seen it in nineteen sixty eight when he was sixteen. He was not sure why he'd told her that, maybe he pondered it was to see what her reaction would be to the confirmation that he was so much older than she was. After all it was one thing to know something but quite another to have it confirmed in black and white. She'd made no comment about his age just urged him to tell her about his outing to the pictures and he'd confessed that he'd taken an "older woman" Jenny Simpson who was nearly eighteen and had just split up with her boyfriend. In the end it turned out that Jenny had just been using him to get at her ex and the evening had been a bit of a disaster. He'd tried it on and got his face slapped and to add to his complete humiliation when they exited the cinema Jenny's father was waiting for them. It had been his first "grown up" encounter with the fair sex and it had been to the gauche sixteen year old that he was then a hard lesson to learn. And he'd been learning hard lessons about the opposite sex ever since. But the problem was he was still no wiser about the subject now than he had been all those years ago!

Pouring himself another large one he allowed some of the warming amber nectar to slide down his throat as he played back the last part of the evening. They had been so relaxed together, their conversation so spontaneous that he'd felt somehow taken out of himself and fool that he was he'd decided that it must be time to give the relationship a bit of a nudge. As they sat on the bench enjoying their ice creams he'd decided that he would kiss her goodnight when he dropped her off. Not just a peck on the cheek but a proper kiss on the lips. A lovers kiss. He knew that he was playing with fire as he wasn't sure that if she returned the kiss he would be able to control himself but he had to take the risk. He needed to know if she would do a Jenny and slap his face. But when he'd asked her to see him again in the blink of an eyes it had all changed. She'd suddenly distanced herself from him reverting to the Ruth who was not comfortable in his presence, the Ruth who worried her nails, the Ruth who couldn't look him in the eye, the Ruth who he was sure he unsettled and unnerved and not in an enjoyable way!

He had to make it right between them but if he didn't know what he'd done what was he to do? She hadn't given him chance to ask what was wrong,she'd been up and hailing a cab almost before he had time to react throwing over her shoulder as she stepped into the vehicle "I'll ring you Harry. Thank you for a lovely evening." and then she gone leaving him standing on the pavement like a spare prick at a wedding!

Once again she'd wrong footed him and there was nothing he could do but wait to see what her next move would be. He just hoped that it would all be worth it!

Ruth was having an equally hard time as she poured herself yet another glass of wine. What a bloody fool,she'd been. Her knee jerk reaction had taken even her by surprise. And she shuddered as she remembered the look on Harry's face as she'd left him standing on the pavement. He'd looked so lost, so alone and she now felt so guilty. But it had been the mention of Windsor that had caught her so much by surprise.

Windsor had been, was and always would be a very special place to her. It was a place that always made her think of Hugh. Since his death she'd been back many times to relive that precious day they'd spent there. She would spread a blanket on the grass and lay there looking at the clouds as they scudded by pretending that Hugh was next to her and all she had to do was reach out and take his hand. She knew that it was not a healthy thing to do but if it helped with the grieving process why not? And the last time she'd made the pilgrimage she had found herself smiling almost as much as she'd cried so surely that was a sign that she was, oh what was that dreadful expression people used when they were trying to be comforting and helpful? Oh yes "Moving on" what a bloody stupid meaningless phrase that was. What did it mean?

She had begun to doubt that she would be content to live the rest of her life in mourning. After all she was now very aware that she was not immune to the appeals of other men. Be honest with yourself she scolded there was only one man whose attractions she noticed, only one man who unsettled her.

The more she thought about it the more confused she became and there was nobody who she could talk to about her predicament, talking to her mother would just end in probing questions about her life and a lecture on how she should live that life! And one of the conversations that she endured the last time she'd been in Exeter came back to bite her on the bum!

"I know you really loved Hugh my darling but it is possible to love again you know. Hugh will always be part of you of course but you have no children to consider Ruth, you've only yourself to think of. And speaking of children, well darling your body clock is ticking you know and well I'll be honest being a grandmother is one of my greatest wishes. After seeing you settled and happy that is"

She'd tried to put her mother off as she always did not liking the fact that with a mother's intuition she always seemed to cut away all the flannel and avoidance and see right into her heart..Maybe it was because she needed to vocalise her growing affection for Harry or maybe it was because she needed to let her mother know that she was not the sad lonely woman who sat home every night; whatever it was she found herself telling her mother about their trip to the museum and then before she could stop herself she found that she was embroidering the tale. Turning the nights they shared on the Grid into dates. Even as she was talking she could hear the voice in her head saying Stop this nonsense! Stop it now! But her mother had been well and truly drawn into the fantasy,and whilst not being sold on Harry as a prospective suitor "Too old, too experienced, too chunky dear" had been her assessment! She did think he might make a very good stepping stone on the path to serious dating.

She had of course protested, stating that Harry was her boss and just being kind because he knew that she was struggling. But she hadn't been able to stop herself telling her mother that he was neither old, nor was he chunky. The experienced bit she couldn't argue with!

Pouring herself another glass of wine she found her mind wandering back to early that evening, not to the pictures or the restaurant but to the bench set in that little patch of green and the wonderful feeling of calm and tranquillity that had overtaken them both. They had been so together in that moment that she could still feel residues of the peace they'd found and in spite of the apprehension that still bedevilled her she felt her heart warming to Harry and she had wondered what it would feel like if he kissed her.

And then it had all be ruined by her idiocy!

Looking at her watch she saw that it was not quite midnight, late but if she didn't do something now she knew that in the cold light of day, when the buzz of the wine had worn off her courage might well fail her. Picking up her phone she selected the first number on her auto dial and waited. It rang just twice before it was answered, not waiting for him to speak she babbled

"Harry, I was so rude to you earlier. I shot off without giving you an answer to your question about lunch on Sunday. Well, if the offer is still open I'd love to, only if you don't mind not Windsor. I'll explain it all to you when I see you, I promise I will."

Good place to leave it I think. Many thanks to all of you who are still reading this and especial thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review! Reviews are just wonderful things to receive!