Chapter 29: Bucking Out
"Well hiding away's not going to do anyone any good, you know," Cricket teased.
"What else am I supposed to do?" I asked.
She shrugged, "Dad would say to buck out before things get worse."
When I open my eyes, it's dark. I sit up slowly, looking around, trying to figure out where I am. Then I see the cot next to the one I am. Newt lays on it, pale and still, and suddenly I remember what happened. Tears fall again, but this time they're silent, because behind my fear and pain, there's determination. It's what we hold on to, when there's nothing else. Determination, even if it's blind.
But this time, it's not blind. This time, I know what I'm determined to do. I silently slide off the cot and walk across the room, my bare feet making no noise. In the doorway, I stop, look over my shoulder, one last time at Newt. By the time he wakes up, and gods I pray he wakes up, I'll be gone. No more than a distant, horrible memory for him.
I wipe at the tears on my cheeks as I turn away and leave the Med-jack room, heading up the next two flights of stairs until I'm at the door of Leo's room. I knock, and wait. When he opens the door, I look up at him. "Do you know how to get out of the Maze?" I ask.
He opens his mouth as if he's going to respond, but then just closes it before anything can come out. After a minute, he finally gets out, "Running."
"I wasn't meant to be in this story," I shake my head, looking down, more tears falling.
"We're not meant for anything, my friend, we just are."
"Leo, please," I choke out, trying so hard not to start sobbing again. "I'll leave, one way or another. But will you help me? I'm not a fool, you probably figured the way out months ago."
"I did," he admits. "Are you sure about this?" I nod wordlessly. "Then meet me near the North Doors tomorrow morning. We'll leave an hour behind the Runners."
I nod again, turning and walking away, back down the stairs. I can feel Leo watching me, but I don't look back, and I don't stop. Not until I'm out of the Homestead, across the Glade, and in the Deadheads. There, I stop deep within them and sit under a tree to wait out the night.
When the morning comes and the Doors open, I creep to the edge of the forest, looking out from where no one can see me. Minho's alone at the East Door. Nobody will run Newt's section. When he goes, when they all go, I retreat back deeper into the forest and wait for Leo.
He comes more than an hour later, stepping through the forest as he sings – in a voice bizzarely off-key and high-pitched for him – "Are you, are you, coming to the—"
I don't let him get any further before I peer around the tree I'm sitting under and ask, "Did you swallow a cardinal or something?"
He lets out a bark of laughter, "Just thought I'd mix it up a little bit."
"Please don't, if that's what you're going to do. I think you made me lose a little more hearing."
"Well I didn't think it was that bad he says thoughtfully."
"It was," I nod. "And you were late."
"I had something needing to be done before I left. Are you ready?"
I nod. Both of us aren't bothering to bring very much. Between being made to survive some of the harshest of circumstances and the fact that we're returning to places with vast resources. So I bring nothing and Leo brings only his sketchbook and the apple he's currently eating. The two of us manage to make it out of the Glade and into the Maze without being caught, and we run until we turn a corner to that we remain uncaught. Then we slow to a walk, and I follow Leo through the Maze, around dozens of corners and twists and turns.
"Do you know where we're going?" I ask him after most of the day's gone.
"Of course I do," he says, sounding offended.
After a beat, I ask, "Do you know how to get there?"
This time, he doesn't answer. I groan, suddenly realizing maybe I should have packed supplies.
"Fear not, I have no doubt we will find our definition in no time."
"What are we looking for?" I sigh.
"Nothing," he replies simply.
"What?" I look up at him, confused. "There is a way out of this Maze, isn't there?" I can't imagine what the purpose of putting all of us in a Maze that has no exit would be.
"Of course there is," he says as if I've just asked the most ridiculous question in the world.
"Okay, then what is it?"
"Nothing."
I just look at him, speechless. "We're never getting out of here," I realize, shaking my head.
"Of course we are. Eventually."
All I can do is groan again, in frustration both at Leo and at myself for thinking he'd actually know where he's going.
