Title: Blue October, Volume One – Chapter Twenty-Nine.
Author: Woodland Goddess.
Rated: M
Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews/patience, guys. I quite enjoyed writing this chapter; their banter makes me grin. Hope you enjoy it, too...
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Bleeding Heart
Climbing into the Jaguar MK 2, in preparation for their journey back to Manchester, Severus found himself contemplating his stay at Hemmingway House. On the whole, it had been enjoyable; he and Mr Hemmingway had had many discussions regarding the medicinal uses of plants – a subject that greatly interested Severus, considering the links to Potions brewing; Petunia's birthday had ended with cake, carbonated minerals, party hats and a loud round of For She's a Jolly Good Fellow; Severus and Lily had read large segments, from the many books in the house, to each other.
The downside, of course, was that the poor man was still in the dark about everything. Several times, Severus had drawn him aside in an attempt to break it to him, but he was always caught before he managed to raise the subject. It was only when Mr Evans had caught him by the arm and physically hauled him away, his face dark with anger, that Severus had decided to let the matter go. "This is a matter between husband and wife, Severus," Mr Evans had said once they were alone, pinning him to the spot with a glare. "Roger will not appreciate your interference, nor will I!"
The boy had wilted immediately in the face of his temper. "I just..." he had whispered, dropping his gaze to the floor in order to avoid looking into the man's expressive green eyes, "it isn't right. Mr Hemmingway deserves to know; his wife ought to tell him the truth of it – and soon!"
Mr Evans' face had softened, then. He had reached out, his large hand gently lifting Severus' head so he could look him in the eye. "That," he had said, "that is what he'll appreciate. Your continued belief, your determination on this matter, is admirable." His thumb had brushed along the ridge of Severus' cheekbone. "I know it hurts, that it feels wrong, but you have to understand, Severus; sometimes, even when we think we're doing the right thing, it can be a grave mistake. Amy will tell him the truth when she finds the strength to and she will; I know it. I know her. She'll not leave him in the dark forever."
"How can you say that when she admitted, to your face, to her own cowardice?"
"You just have to have faith, Severus." A small, sad smile had danced across Mr Evans' mouth as he ruffled the boy's hair fondly. "If you think something hard enough, for long enough, it becomes true. The Human mind is a very powerful thing, you know." Severus had eyed him sceptically, but had said nothing more on the matter.
Looking out the car window as they drove through London, he ran a hand slowly across his cheek, fingers touching the place Mr Evans had. Sometimes, he thought he could still feel the lingering warmth, the slight tingly sensation. Severus frowned, troubled, wondering if Mr Evans had done it on purpose, to distract him from the matter at hand. Despite his kindness, the man could be very devious when he wanted to be; there was a noticeable streak of Slytherin within him and the boy appreciated it and admired him for it.
The journey passed with snatches of songs, snippets of games and disjointed conversation. Severus hardly paid any attention to them; he was far too busy contemplating the Hemmingway situation. It was starting to become an obsession, he knew, but he was simply unable to let the matter go. When they reached Cokeworth he could not have been more relieved; at least, now, he had an outlet. He was certain his mother would provide a willing ear to his troubles. Severus would not be able to discuss it with Lily, not without upsetting her and he most certainly did not want that.
Upsetting Lily was like throwing a stone at a lion; not something one wanted to do if one planned to live a long and fruitful life.
As soon as they parked outside the Evans' household – Severus had pointedly asked not to be dropped home, because he felt the need to stretch his legs – he climbed out and said his goodbyes. In parting he received a hug from Lily, a hair-ruffle from Mr Evans, a hand on the shoulder from Mrs Evans and a handshake from Petunia. The last two left him feeling uncomfortable and he gave them an awkward smile in return before toddling off, satchel slung from his shoulder. He frowned down at the footpath on his way, glancing up occasionally when he had to cross roads.
There were no violent encounters between himself and Nancy's gang that day, but it was only to be expected; they would not have known specifically when the Evans would return from their holiday in London, with Severus in tow. This pleased him; he was definitely not in the mood to get stones thrown at him and flout the Statute of Secrecy. Again. He hurried home, just in case. Arriving home, he found Eileen in the kitchen. She sat at the table, one hand wrapped around a steaming glass of Pepper Up.
Severus frowned; Eileen looked absolutely terrible. It was as if she had not slept in days, the smudges under her eyes were so dark, her skin extremely pale in contrast. Her nose was swollen and puffy from a head cold. She looked fit for bed and that was never a good look for her. As he watched, the woman raised the glass to her lips and swallowed the whole potion. She squeezed her eyes shut as her face flushed scarlet, steam rushing out of her ears in two immense jets. She looked much better for taking it.
Eileen glanced up, the dark smudges under her eyes receding even as he looked at her. A ghost of a smile touched her mouth. "Welcome home, Severus; you're looking well."
"Er...thanks, Mum. There was a lot of food...and walking," was Severus' awkward response, rubbing his arm almost idly. He dropped his dark gaze to the floor for a moment, unsure what he should say next. It was not as though he could rail about how the majority of his trip had been absolutely fantastic without making her feel exceptionally inadequate in the process. He wanted to avoid that as much as possible. "We went to the zoo; it was interesting. The Reptile House was my favourite part."
His mother snorted in amusement, a fond look flickering in her dark eyes. Rising from her chair, Eileen turned towards the sink. She washed her glass out thoroughly and turned it upside down on the draining board. Severus watched for several seconds before slipping upstairs, disappearing into his bedroom. Locked away inside his room, it struck him just how much they were truly missing out on. Squeezing his eyes shut, Severus shook his head harshly. He squashed those depressive thoughts down quickly.
Determined to speak to his mother about Mr Hemmingway another time, Severus began unpacking his belongings. While he worked, he hummed one of the many Beatles tunes Mrs Hemmingway had played on her gramophone during their visit. He could not remember the name of it or the lyrics, but the melody was as clear in his head as a list of potion ingredients. Humming seemed to make the time pass way too fast, leaving him with nothing to do in a short time. Sighing, missing the enormous collection of books and records at Hemmingway House, Severus started doing random chores around the house, surprising himself and his mother in equal parts.
Days, weeks passed in this way; divided between lessons with Mr Evans while his daughters were at school, playtime with Lily and chores upon chores in the Snape household just to keep him occupied. Part of him wondered why he let himself be distracted by them, when he knew he needed to speak to Eileen...but it never seemed to be the right time. Something always came to mind whenever he was about to say something; perhaps it was his own special brand of cowardice coming to the fore. Merlin knew he was nowhere near as brave as Lily; he could never be.
The one good thing to come of all the drama in Severus' life was that he was afforded the sadistic pleasure of seeing Peter shunned by his former friends. Whenever he witnessed it, a dark smirk would curve his mouth; his eyes would glitter with wicked satisfaction. All the while, Lily would stare across at the horrid boy, green eyes tinged with sadness...with sympathy. On more than one occasion, he had to talk her out of trying to befriend the rat. "Why be friends with someone who treated you like crap?" Severus demanded, hand firm on her arm as he prevented her from crossing the playground to speak to Peter.
Lily tossed her crimson hair over her shoulder and gave him a severe look. "By showing him kindness, we show him that we were better than he thought us. By showing him kindness, he learns that he was wrong, that he can be better, do better than his previous group of friends had made him believe. Isn't that worth an olive branch?"
Severus' eyebrows knitted together dubiously. "No."
"That's cruel."
He arched an eyebrow. "And throwing stones, at people who've done nothing to you, isn't?"
"That's different!"
"I'm not so sure they are."
Lily glanced around as if she were looking for some authority figure, before looking at him again. Green eyes flashed angrily. "And what about you? If you and I had a falling out, would you want people to shun you, just because you can be a complete arsehole sometimes?" There must have been something written all over his face in that moment for, before he could even open his mouth, her expression gentled in synchronisation with her voice. "I'm not saying we will fall out... I'm just asking if that's what you'd want."
"I'm...capable of being a nice person," said Severus slowly, expression tight.
"I know that –"
"Then why are you insinuating –"
"I'm not! I'm trying to get you to understand!"
"What I understand is that you're a bleeding heart," barked Severus, a burst of laughter escaping him in the process, surprising them both.
Eyebrows knitting together, Lily frowned at him. "You say that like it's a bad thing."
Pursing his lips against the urge to snap that it was, Severus shook his head. He dropped his gaze to the ground. Several thoughts ran through his mind in quick succession; all of the things he wanted to say, to tell her, but never could find the strength, the will to do so. After a moment, he sighed and looked up at her. "It's not a bad thing, exactly," he said, trying to explain it without offending her, "but it can lead to things that are bad and I don't want that to happen to you. If you make friends with that rat, it'll come back and bite you in the arse, I'm telling you."
The girl let out a laugh at that, an amused grin pulling at her mouth suddenly, causing her eyes to sparkle prettily in that way that Severus absolutely adored – though he would never admit it aloud. "You can't know that, Sev; you're just a bloody pessimist! But alright, I'll bite – this once." She flopped down onto the grass beside him, sprawling out comfortably. Severus snorted and relaxed instantly, knowing he might possibly have just saved Lily from making the worst mistake of her life. Not counting being friends with him, of course.
He knew that was a mistake, a big one, but he was not going to jeopardise their friendship by pointing it out. Lily was far too important to him – and Severus was far too selfish – for that to happen; if she came to the realisation of her mistake on her own...well...he would cross that bridge when he reached it...if he reached it. Resting his head on his arms, Severus glanced at her. Lily peered up at the sky like it was the most fascinating thing in the world, green eyes tracking the movements of clouds.
"I can't wait to get out of here," Lily admitted, her words a heavy sigh. "Every day's the same as the one before, practically. Things will be different at Hogwarts, won't they? It won't be the same boring stuff every day?" She rolled over and looked at him, resting her chin in her palm.
"There's nothing boring about Magic. Well...maybe History of Magic," Severus amended, pursing his lips slightly, "but that doesn't count. Not really. Although, it's the only subject taught by a Ghost." Green eyes boggled at him, eliciting an amused grin. "Mum says the subject would be interesting if they had a different teacher; apparently, Professor Binns drones on and on and people fall asleep in his class and he doesn't even notice!"
"That sounds horrible; how do students even learn in that class?"
"I imagine they go to the library and study a lot," he answered, shrugging his shoulder gracelessly. A smile tugged at his mouth. A teasing tone entered his voice as he continued, "No doubt you'll have study plans made up as soon as you walk through the door." Lily made a face and swatted his arm, but they both knew he spoke the truth. He could imagine the fun they would have, combing the shelves of the library, absorbing all the available knowledge they could get their hands on.
Life at Hogwarts would be wonderful; a dream come true.
Lily shuffled over to him, curling up by his side. She rested her head on his elbow, smiling at him as she did so. "It's going to be amazing," she whispered. "All the rooms we could explore, all the information we could learn, all the places and things we could see and do, all the people we'll meet. We're going to have the time of our lives, Severus, aren't we?" A gleeful but slightly wicked grin brightened her face immediately. "Petunia's going to be so jealous!"
Severus hummed in agreement, but said nothing on the matter. He was not, particularly, looking forward to having Lily rub her Magic in her sister's face. The reprisal would not be pleasant; Petunia was already far too insecure and far too envious of her sister than was healthy. "Peter will be there, too, though," said Severus, frowning up at the sky. "He'll probably make new friends while he's there and they'll probably be just as bad as Nancy's crowd; like attracts like, after all."
"Not when it comes to magnetism."
"That doesn't count."
"It does, too."
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does."
"No."
"Yes!" The discussion devolved from there and they ended up rolling across the grass, trying to pummel each other, half-laughing and half-screaming while doing so. "Pinned you," Lily roared victoriously, sitting atop him, her face flushed from the exertion. "I win!"
Severus bucked, hard, causing her to shriek indignantly as he knocked her off-balance. He surged upwards while she was in the process of toppling, twisted harshly and shoved her down, squashing her face into the grass with an amused smirk tugging at his mouth. "You were saying?"
"You arsehole!"
"I don't think that was it." Severus' tone was light, but the mocking edge was plain.
"Sod off, you...you sod! Let me up!"
"I'm not sure you know what sod means," the boy replied dubiously, but he did move away.
Lily, eyes narrowed with indignation, scrambled up from where she had been sprawled across the ground and gave him a sharp look. She sat down with her legs crossed, holding her head high despite the grass stains that had ruined her frock. "Of course, I do," she sniffed primly. "A sod is turf."
Severus' eyebrows virtually vanished into his hairline. "Turf off, you turf? That has to be the worst method of insulting someone. And by worst, I mean ridiculous."
"If it's so ridiculous, why do grown men feel the need to throw a punch when someone says it to them?"
He eyed her, eyebrows knitting together. "I'm fairly certain the word has different connotations."
Green eyes blinked at him, confused. "Like what?" Glancing around surreptitiously, he leaned in close and whispered the answer in her ear. Lily's answering squeal and flushed face almost destroyed him; Severus started laughing and was unable to stop, clutching his belly as he squeezed his eyes shut, body trembling as the laughter tore through him. The girl gave him a good smack on his shoulder, the blow surprising him enough to knock him on his back and startle him into immediate silence. "You are vile, Severus Snape. Vile!"
"You asked!"
"Yeah, but I didn't expect it to be something like that! That's...that's adult stuff! How do you even know?"
Severus shrugged gracelessly and arched a brow at her. "You'd be surprised at the things I know, Lily; I could probably write a book." Noticing she looked like she wanted to hit him again, he fell silent. He slipped his arms beneath his head, just as he had done earlier. An amused smirk tugged at his mouth. "I can't believe you were so scandalised; I was certain Petunia would have introduced you to a whole load of sordid things at this point."
Lily snorted. "Petunia? Have you even met her? She wouldn't know sordid if it came and bit her on the arse!" She shook her head sharply and shifted to lie down beside him. "If anyone's going to teach me about sordid things, it'll probably be you, because you're vile."
"I try," he replied dryly. They fell into silence after that, but that was perfectly fine; Severus just enjoyed the warmth of her company, smiling to himself as he allowed himself to think about their future, about Hogwarts...
To Be Continued.
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